Blog time, again?
Hello, old blog.
So I had this grand idea of actually writing a blog again, which det hela taget feels like a soap bubble already. It's not even that I am too used to remaining silent, like I was in Spain. I'm just too used to not having to structure my thoughts and express them in a semi-comprehensible fashion.
Today our class wrote the first maths test for this term. It's pretty interesting to watch one's own test anxiety, actually. Including avoidant behaviour and general mindfuck. One of my rules is that I can't study because when I fail without having studied before it's because I didn't study; when I fail after having studied it's clearly because I am a stupid, despicable person*. Or so I might want to believe.
Well, on Thursday I have my first French test. Which is to say - I joined class 11, with the promise of learning the French material my classmates learnt in class 10 by myself. I had about 4 months to do so. I did ... little. (Go me!)
Do I want to be a straight A student? Well, that's probably the wrong question. I want to learn. I want to learn how to perform well in stressful situations, too. Or at least how to not shoot my own foot.
*which, by defintion, I am until proven otherwise
Before class started, I went to a book shop with the firm intention to buy some Finnish material. But the material they had sucked, so I bought Pratchett's I shall wear midnight, which probably was a better idea.
I also had an appointment with my consultant from the employment agency today. I guess it went okay, even though I really don't want to think about job applications right now.
On the way, I watched the overhead power lines of our trams. I never paid attention to those before, not really. It's cold, and I am reminded of Praha, of icy cold air, street lights with a soft rosy orange hue and blue sparks coming out of the overhead lines, seen from far above. I don't really remember the me from that time, only colours and smells and faces that are far too big in my field of vision.
Somehow it would be cool to be able to calculate power lines. I mean, the material needed, and the way you have to use it.
Somehow it would be cool to calculate the ocean ...
Totally crossposted to dreamwidth. I do plan to decide what to do with either blog - sooner or later.
☆
So I had this grand idea of actually writing a blog again, which det hela taget feels like a soap bubble already. It's not even that I am too used to remaining silent, like I was in Spain. I'm just too used to not having to structure my thoughts and express them in a semi-comprehensible fashion.
Today our class wrote the first maths test for this term. It's pretty interesting to watch one's own test anxiety, actually. Including avoidant behaviour and general mindfuck. One of my rules is that I can't study because when I fail without having studied before it's because I didn't study; when I fail after having studied it's clearly because I am a stupid, despicable person*. Or so I might want to believe.
Well, on Thursday I have my first French test. Which is to say - I joined class 11, with the promise of learning the French material my classmates learnt in class 10 by myself. I had about 4 months to do so. I did ... little. (Go me!)
Do I want to be a straight A student? Well, that's probably the wrong question. I want to learn. I want to learn how to perform well in stressful situations, too. Or at least how to not shoot my own foot.
*which, by defintion, I am until proven otherwise
Before class started, I went to a book shop with the firm intention to buy some Finnish material. But the material they had sucked, so I bought Pratchett's I shall wear midnight, which probably was a better idea.
I also had an appointment with my consultant from the employment agency today. I guess it went okay, even though I really don't want to think about job applications right now.
On the way, I watched the overhead power lines of our trams. I never paid attention to those before, not really. It's cold, and I am reminded of Praha, of icy cold air, street lights with a soft rosy orange hue and blue sparks coming out of the overhead lines, seen from far above. I don't really remember the me from that time, only colours and smells and faces that are far too big in my field of vision.
Somehow it would be cool to be able to calculate power lines. I mean, the material needed, and the way you have to use it.
Somehow it would be cool to calculate the ocean ...
Totally crossposted to dreamwidth. I do plan to decide what to do with either blog - sooner or later.
☆