Buffy season 8 spam part 1

Sep 04, 2009 22:52

Hey everybody, not sure if this is allowed or not but the recent issue of Buffy kind of inspired me to make a season 8 pic/recap spam. Here's part 1, hope everyone likes it. Also sorry in advance, I'm not entirely sure I did the LJ cut right.

Andrew Wells invites you in to this severly image heavy and long post.



8.01 The Long Way Home




Issue 1 - The Long Way Home Part I
We join our heroes years after the events of Chosen.  Willow is off doing who knows what, Buffy is leading a Slayer faction in Scotland where Xander is serving as base commander.  Giles appears to be no where to be seen, we meet three new Slayers who appear to be close to Buffy, one maybe a little too close.  Speaking of Buffy, ther are three of her now, one underground, one off disco-ing it up with The Immortal in Italy and our twice dead religious history ignorant Slayer herself.  There's some guy who is all floaty and oh yeah Dawn's a giant.




Issue 2 The Long Way Home Part II
We rejoin our heroes - actually only about 3 seconds after where we left them, only with added Scoobage.  Giles is off being all watcher-y but seems to have accepted the idea that a Slayer works better with others instead of alone.  Buffy is pointing out how overqualified Rowena, Leah and Satsu are to be corpses while totally crushing on Satsu's hair.  Andrew is explaining that guns are evil and how he's Team teddybear with killer trees yet he can not join Team Leader who wears bellbottoms and a half cape and Xander is desperately trying to keep his one eye from looking at Dawn's... shadow.  Living trapped in the mouth of Hell has led Amy to well, have sex with... who knows what, and seems to have gone reto\vintage, storming castles on dark nights, army of undead at her bidding, ritualistic sacrifice and a true love spell.  Apparently Hell is full of 80s horror movies and teen rom/coms.  Oh yeah Dawn is still a giant, yet couldn't really see our favorite wiccan formerly known as Darth Willow floating on in at the eleventh hour.




Issue 3 The Long Road Home Part III
Our favorite chaos worshiping no friend of Ripper Ethan Rayne guides our sexually deprived heroine through memories of highschool, Mr. Fruit Punch Mouth the Master, Angel, the loss of her mother, The evil smurf the Judge, fallen fashionista Goddess Glory, Dawn, Caleb, some guy named Joss Whedon and frienemy Faith, Slayer of the Vampire - who litterally fought with the forces of good for weeks.  Giles meets with a demon and Andrew is bored by watching girls play strip poker.  Willow goes Wiccan y Wiccan with Dark Witch/Army Bitch Amy who it turns out has been boning, well a bag of bones.  Filet-o-Warren is back, skinless of course because why would the government find it disgusting that Amy was 'dating' Warren if he had his skin.  Willow tells Buffy that over the year she had been not in Scotland she was off with Kennedy who died, but it's okay it was only for a month.  Dawnie learns that while big girls don't cry they f%&#ing fum!  Oh yeah, and Buffy learns that true love tastes of cinnamon buns moments before Willow is sucked through a vortex of Amy's techy smelling magic.




Issue 4 The Long Road Home IV
Warren explains that sometimes having a stalker can save your life.  Amy is pretty much holding Warren together with her magic.   Warren stabs Willow in the eye while Amy freakaleak that she is enjoys watching, but won't let the government join in her reindeer games.  Willow goes on some trippy trip and is guided by a tree woman, a hairy woman, a blue woman, a two faced woman and a wordy woman.  XXX marks the spot, not with treasure but with dead bodies.  Buffy sees the beautiful sunset that is carved into General Voll's chest.  Satsu also enjoys cinnamon buns.  Giant Dawnie's milkshake doesn't bring all the boys to the yard, but it damn near brings down Scotland Yard.  Oh yeah, and the world hates Buffy.

8.02 The Chain




Issue 5 The Chain
Buffy Anne Summers is dead, again... again.  The sad thing isn't Yamanh's clan's warstomp but that Buffy hasn't ever even met herself.  Buffy has a special friend and Tinkerbell she ain't.  This foul-mouthed fairy laid her eggs in Buffy's ear.  That's right folks, Buffy's ear is preggers.  Some random girl who is trying to be way too cool for school gets whacked by the Slayer magic mushroom and goes on a trip inolving past Slayers and the G-Man.  Andrew and Vi are bitten by the Hollywood bug and have their very own infomercial.  Rona and Giles decide who will be on the next episode of Extreme Facial Reconstruction Slayer Edition.  One of Andrew's Slayers of the Vampire, Simone knew the Slayer formerly known as someone other than Buffy and she's still got a big honkin boner for packing heat.  Leah, Satsu and Rowena try to rescue NotBuffy-Buffy from Yamanh but don't get there in time but that's okay because NotBuffy-Buffy knows who she is and oh yeah, Dawn is still a giant.

8.03 No Future for You
 



Issue 6 No Future for You Part I
Not even the great Dr. Seuss could save Faith from Cleveland.  Robin and Faith have broken up, not surprising since Robin's idea of a bootycall involves really sharp wood and children.  Sounds more like he needs to be on To Catch A Predator instead of bucking for a guest spot on The Fugitive.  Giles is all British and drinks his tea while Faith would rather wear the teabags.  The G-Man needs our fallen hero's help in bringing down the biggest baddest fallen Slayer, she's so bad she makes Faith look good and no one understands her but her witchboy Roden who just so happens to be sporting a beautiful sunset of his very own; anyway this slayer is so bad she's a... what? I'm just talking about Lady Genevieve Savidge.  Faith will do almost anything, except for go gay for Slay but if you touch her arm you're either going to get staked or stabbed with something that isn't a  salad fork.  Xander gets in touch with his inner Kurt Russell while Buffy wonders if Twilight will end the world or just a really bad series of books and if she'll ever be able to escape the monarch loving mythical creature that eats her at night.  Rose and The Doctor make a pit stop in London just long enough for the exterior of the Tardis to get a paint job.  Faith knows how to put on a dress, and you guessed it Dawn is still a giant.




Issue 7 No Future for You Part II
Giles and his mission to rid the world of Lady Gigi have nothing on the ghosts in the back of Faith's head.  Faith looks pretty spiffy in her new dress, spiffy enough to make Roden's wand tingle but not in that good down low way that Faith usually likes.  Apparently Dawn got tired of the sex talk when she was eight.  Dawnie's boyfriend Kenny, much like Willow isn't impressed by Dawn boobs.  Bum a fag means two entirely different things to Gigi and Faith; but you gotta respect a girl who thinks what she says and censors her thoughts for the viewing public even if her head is harder than stone.  Faith's undercover alias Hope becomes new BFFs with the girl who is trying to steal Faith's title as Miss Psycho Slayer 200and whenever the hell this takes place, but it's the story of Faith's life.  In the end, even if Dawn is still a giant it all comes back to the
inch high private eye Buffy Summers herself.




Issue 8 No Future for You Part III
Faith feels the sting of what she thinks is Giles' betrayal by selling her out to save not the world but the Buffy.  Gigi reveals that the most sought after and expensive paparazzi shots aren't of Brangelina's children but of Buffy's increasingly awful hair.  Incog-slayro Faith aka Hope's dad couldn't care less about her but Giles does. so much so in fact that he has a mystical midget use his hammer to attack thin air.  Roden frequently gets mistaken as a pedo and worse... a tutor by Gigi.  Faith will sleep in Gigi's bed, she will get naked with Gigi, she will bathe with Gigi but she still won't go gay for slay.  Buffy and Willow have a very deep and meaningful conversation about the shape of Willow's egg head and the dangers of a moat infested with man-frogs before Willow starts quoting Steve Urkel.  Buffy knows from personal experience if chicken ceaser wraps taste just as good coming up as they did going down but she still doesn't know how to speak British.  Faith throws Buffy out of a window because, lets face it the girls have a history of falling out of buildings together.  Will these two wacky kids ever pull it together long enough to do something other than almost kill each other?  Who knows, but Faith sure gets her wish this time.  After Buffy is wished away she really needs to reconsider not eating where she got her chicken wraps anymore.  Faith is left to face the axe, maybe Giant Dawnie can get to her in time to save her?




Issue 9 No Future for You Part IV
Faith finally admits to being able to see Mayor McSnake for what he really is... not a dog.  Cotton blends cannot handle the stain of the blood of innocents.  Gigi throws down Faith style for a while until Faith throws her through a building.  Note to self, find out what Faith's deal with crashing through buildings is all about.  You can take the girl out of the Boston Tea Party, but you can't take the Tea Party away from the girl.  Faith tries to show Gigi that her witchboy Roden isn't as magically delicious as Gigi has been led to believe.  Giles' magical midget is still in the middle of his epic fail at attacking thin air, this time he's downgraded from a hammer to a plain old burning stick.  Do not mess with Buffy, especially after she's thrown up her chicken ceaser wrap... twice.  Buffy still feels alone, and also wet; she still hasn't dried herself off after her splish splash encounter with Faith.  Gigi learns the difference between asking and axing which makes Roden want to share his beautiful sunset with Faith, even if she's a little over the hill and starting to sag.  Good thing that Faith took a page out of her 'how to stab a human' book and gave it to Giles to study.  Conan the Librarian offers Faith her walking papers but she wants to stay and keep other girls off of the fallen litle girl lost path; that's reserved for Faith and Faith alone.  Lieutenant Holter gets a sunset of her own thanks to Twilight who ignores Holter's commentary on Buffy's ass and is more focused on the coming night.  Is he sure that he's looking at the approaching nightfall or is he just standing in the shadow of a giant Dawn?

8.04 Anywhere but Here



Issue 10 Anywhere but Here
Buffy and Willow play their highschool game to try to distract Buffy from her newfound fear of flying... outside of an airplane.  Willow would rather be pretty much anywhere as long as it included Tina Fey while Buffy is jonesing for Daniel Craig and multiple versions of Christian Bale.  Buffy questions how significant Bratty but not Bratty Kennedy's significant significance is to Willow.  Xander uses magic to help take Dawn on a giant shopping spree, which results in him no longer LFFing her anymore.  The Lady In The Lake has nothing on Robin The Lady On The Lawn.  If anyone ever starts a petition to build an escalator to Hell Buffy will be the first signature.  After freaking out about being in the frilly Xander finally gets a peep show at what Kenny looks like.  If momma taught me anything it's never to trust a demon with a mouth for a stomach and 4 flat screens for a head.  Xander learns that Dawn's natural person urges cause her to give in to her inner skank, but in reality she's just getting in touch with what the Summers girls do best, not stab things. but lie about things.  Meanwhile Buffy is getting in touch with her inner Faith by breaking in and stealing.  Hmm, Faith stole a crossbow.. Buffy stole a gianormous diamond clearly the student has surpassed the teacher.  First domino down, good job B.  There's a snake in the grass, although it looks more like it's underneath the Willow Tree.  Someone close to Buffy will betray her which causes Buffy to be alone and cry and bleed... must be Tuesday.  Willow is still holding on to the pain of bringing Buffy back from death number 2 which led to Tara's dying.  Now Willow wants nothing more than to keep a distance between herself Buffy and Kennedy so she won't have to make another painful choice, which is a shame because all Kennedy wants to do is be a Scoob.  Giant Dawnie is a cliche, you know except for the being a key and dating a demon.

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