A Thin Line
His looks are getting worse. I'm not even sure what to think about it, I'm guessing Thursday was just a bad day. We went shopping for groceries, and after loading everything into the truck, he went to put the shopping cart back in the cart corral. While he was doing this, I got back in the truck and locked the doors, it was midnight after all. I know it aggravates him if I don't open the locks in time before he pulls up the door handle, so I try and get to the lock before he tries to open the door, but I was unsuccessful. When he found that the doors were still locked, he stared at me through the window.. that "look" that he gets when he gets crazy. Only the crazy never happened. He asked me as soon as he got the door open he rushed out the words "Why would you do that?!" ... As if I crossed him or something. I simply told him I didn't feel comfortable sitting in a parking lot in the middle of the night with the doors unlocked. That was the end of it, although his signs and frustrations were still obvious. It all just struck me as very odd.
Earlier that morning, after I got home from class at about noon, I find that he was sleeping in bed still. When I first walk into the house, I see that the entire house is a wreck. So, before going to give Justin a kiss and tell him I was home, I run about the house picking things up, organizing, putting dishes in the sink, and throwing away trash. When I finally finish, I walk into the room and lay next to him for awhile. About 20 minutes later, I try and wake him up. We talk for awhile, about going shopping and maybe getting lunch. Then my sister calls me, I roll over and start talking to her. When I hang up with her, about 10 minutes later, I roll back over and see Justin sleeping again. I wake him up and ask him if we can still go get groceries, since the puppy was completely out of food, and the kitty needed litter, and we had run out of hand soap for the bathrooms. I do not want to get into too much detail, but.. he changes his mind about going, and I start reminding him that the dogs are hungry, and we need to feed them. I say something that upsets his growing aggitation, and it basically comes down to him yelling in my face and spitting at me because he was annunciating his words so harshly. It was something along the lines of "stupid cunt" .. The arguing persists, and he eventually tells me that if I say another word, he is breaking up with me. So, I do exactly that. I left the house, crying, shocked, and hurt.. Meet my parents at my moms doctors appointment, pick up food and return home.. after calling him to wake him up for class, at about 2:30. Instead of him apologizing to me, he makes the conversation short and hangs up with me. And of course, I come home... Because I feel like I have no other place to go.
We made up later that day, and decided to go shopping.. i.e. Walmart at midnight.
The fact that it happened twice in one day? And when we made up later he never did apologize... It was me. The frequency of this just... Bothers me. We've tried to work on his problem, and it did come along way for along time. But lately things have been coming up here and there. The more recent these things occur, the less sorry he feels about them, almost as if they're routine.
The reason I write this is because I am not sure. Is this really happening? Or is this something else, something that we can both overcome? Do people ever really overcome these things 100%?
Earlier that morning, after I got home from class at about noon, I find that he was sleeping in bed still. When I first walk into the house, I see that the entire house is a wreck. So, before going to give Justin a kiss and tell him I was home, I run about the house picking things up, organizing, putting dishes in the sink, and throwing away trash. When I finally finish, I walk into the room and lay next to him for awhile. About 20 minutes later, I try and wake him up. We talk for awhile, about going shopping and maybe getting lunch. Then my sister calls me, I roll over and start talking to her. When I hang up with her, about 10 minutes later, I roll back over and see Justin sleeping again. I wake him up and ask him if we can still go get groceries, since the puppy was completely out of food, and the kitty needed litter, and we had run out of hand soap for the bathrooms. I do not want to get into too much detail, but.. he changes his mind about going, and I start reminding him that the dogs are hungry, and we need to feed them. I say something that upsets his growing aggitation, and it basically comes down to him yelling in my face and spitting at me because he was annunciating his words so harshly. It was something along the lines of "stupid cunt" .. The arguing persists, and he eventually tells me that if I say another word, he is breaking up with me. So, I do exactly that. I left the house, crying, shocked, and hurt.. Meet my parents at my moms doctors appointment, pick up food and return home.. after calling him to wake him up for class, at about 2:30. Instead of him apologizing to me, he makes the conversation short and hangs up with me. And of course, I come home... Because I feel like I have no other place to go.
We made up later that day, and decided to go shopping.. i.e. Walmart at midnight.
The fact that it happened twice in one day? And when we made up later he never did apologize... It was me. The frequency of this just... Bothers me. We've tried to work on his problem, and it did come along way for along time. But lately things have been coming up here and there. The more recent these things occur, the less sorry he feels about them, almost as if they're routine.
The reason I write this is because I am not sure. Is this really happening? Or is this something else, something that we can both overcome? Do people ever really overcome these things 100%?