Some Call This Fun (4/?)
Title: Some Call This Fun (4/?)
Word Count: 5,495
Summary: On a remote Brazilian island, 22 contestants are separated into 2 teams to compete against one another through a series of challenges. But they aren’t the only ones being challenged. A stressed producer, an exasperated doctor, the off-balanced host, a horny intern and an extremely concerned judge all struggle to maintain their faith as their reality show spirals into insanity.
Meet the Crew
Meet the Contestants
Oh Captain My Captain?
Disclaimer: I’m not making any money off of writing this story. It’s entirely fictional and based on the performances given in the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers and not the actual soldiers. Any ideas or challenges borrowed from a reality show belong to the creators of that show, not me. I don’t own anything…so please don’t sue me. I wrote it for your enjoyment so…enjoy!
Dick yawned as he rolled out of bed at 11:00am. Normally he would never sleep so late but the first challenge had kept them all up into the morning hours. He looked around his trailer and rolled his eyes to see that Nixon was asleep on his couch.
Unsure of how the man had even gotten in, but not entirely surprised to see him, he started to work making a pot of coffee in the hopes that the aroma would rouse Nixon from his sleep. Fat chance.
Giving Lewis one more curious look- he went off to hop into the shower, wondering if any of the contestants were awake yet.
As far as Babe could tell…he was in a bed. However he was rather reluctant to open his eyes.
His memories of the day before were sketchy at best and one could only wake up naked in some stranger’s front yard so many times before a fear of waking up was instilled.
Man why did these things always happen to him? He was a good kid! He was!
He put a cautious hand over his face and peeked through his fingers, squinting as the sunlight assaulted his eyes.
He did a quick check-fully clothed, no other occupants in the bed…this might be okay.
Blinking his eyes a couple of times he scanned the room he was in. There were three other beds, two were made up and one had sheets that were haphazardly strewn about. But they were all empty.
He slid up into a sitting position and noticed a bottle of water, two Advil and a yellow post it. He grabbed the post it.
Hope you’re feeling okay. Take these just in case.
Gene
Who the Hell was Gene?
“Man- he’s gonna be so hung over.”
“No shit.”
“Well he has to wake up sometime.”
Perconte, Toye and Buck all just looked down at Luz, who was snoozing-sprawled out on top of a kitchen counter.
Webster rolled his eyes and tried to maneuver his breakfast around the sleeping man, “Would you guys just move him already? This is ridiculous.”
Buck nodded, “That it is.”
Frank shrugged, “We’ve been trying to wake him up for 30 minutes. He’s not having it.”
Skip Muck popped up behind them, “I’ve got an idea.”
Penkala sipped on his coffee slowly as he watched Buck sling Luz over his shoulder and walk off with a few others upstairs. He grinned as Skip zipped over- most likely to talk him into witnessing whatever they were going to do to the poor guy.
Skip bounced over with a huge smile, “Hey Don! C’mere you gotta see this. It’s going to be hilarious.”
Then Muck reached forward, grabbed Don’s wrist and jerked the red head, who Penkala hadn’t even seen behind him, along after Buck and the others.
Alex sat there- wondering if he was suddenly invisible to his best friend.
“SON OF A BITCH!”
George Luz jumped up as cold water sprayed him in the face. The moment he got to his feet, he slipped on the tub’s wet surface and fell down again.
Coughing and sputtering he looked up to see five of his fellow housemates laughing their asses off as he was soaked from head to toe underneath the shower spray.
Reaching out he grabbed Toye and Buck’s sleeves and pulled them into the tub and then unhooked the shower head to spray the other spectators as well.
“Ha! Not so funny now is it? Assholes!”
Toye laughed from where he was now lying on his back in the tub, one foot sticking out, “No it really is.”
Luz turned the temperature up to scalding hot and rounded on him.
“OW! SHIT!”
Buck and the others made a hasty retreat, laughing the whole way.
“Nixon. Wake up.”
“Go away!”
Renee glared before glancing back at Dick who was reading over the rules of the challenge and sipping on a cup of coffee.
Frowning she brought her heeled foot up and dug it into his shoulder.
“OW!”
“Wake up then! It’s already late and we have to get started. The next person out here is going to be Martin and you KNOW how he likes to wake you up.”
Nixon sighed, “Painfully.”
“Yep…now up-up.”
Grumbling, Nixon struggled off the couch and looked over at Dick before nodding back towards his shower. Dick shrugged and Nixon took off toward the bathroom.
Renee watched him go, “Doesn’t he have his own trailer?”
“Yeah…he’s afraid he’s going to get eaten by a jaguar.”
“A jaguar?”
“It is Brazil.”
“Right…well I guess I’ll have Talbert go get him his clothes.”
Webster watched as Liebgott stood in front of the fridge. Reaching inside, he grabbed the orange juice. Then put it back. Then grabbed it…then put it back. This went on for a few minutes.
David finally stood up, snatched the orange juice out of Joe’s hands, poured some into a cup and slammed it down on the kitchen counter. Then he grabbed a banana and threw it at
Liebgott.
Joe hastily caught the fruit and glared at the other man, “Do you have a fucking death wish?”
“Look just…eat that and we’ll pretend like I never said…what I said last night.”
It had only taken an hour on thinking back on his statement before David realized that what he said must have had some truth to it. Maybe he didn’t know what it was but…Joe obviously had some sort of issue with either eating or people talking about his weight.
Whichever it was, David felt bad about it. He was really a nice person…Liebgott just rubbed him the wrong way.
Joe glared at him, but then nodded and sat down in front of the orange juice.
David figured that was kind of like them apologizing.
Babe was watching as everyone started gathering into the living room sort of naturally…Some people were eating, others were talking loudly, and a few dark haired men were yawning still.
He himself was kind of slumped down on the couch, watching the chaos continue to unfold. He didn’t really remember any of these people…
Suddenly a man flopped down next to him. He had brown hair and strangely protruding ears.
The man grinned at him, “How you feeling kid?”
Babe blinked at him, “Are you Gene?”
“Uh…no. I’m Don Hoobler. But we have two Don’s on our team so just call me Hoobler.”
“Teams?”
The man gaped, “Wow you were more out of it than I thought.”
“Yeah about that…what was wrong with me?”
Hoobler laughed, “Oh man. You were all strung out on LSD!”
“I was WHAT!?”
The man winced and Babe looked around embarrassed, but few looked very interested in what he was shouting about.
“But I don’t do drugs! I swear I don’t! Um…what’s going to happen to me? “
Hoobler didn’t seem to be sure what he was referring to but when he saw Babe glancing nervously at the cameras he nodded in understanding, “Oh don’t worry about that. You were entertaining enough that I’m pretty sure they’re not going to do anything. Plus from what I can tell you didn’t do it on purpose right?”
“Right!”
Hoobler swatted him on the shoulder, “You’ll be fine kid. Now let me fill you in on the stuff you were too high to understand, okay?”
“Sure,” Babe muttered, glancing around at all the assembled contestants, curious about which one of them had left him the post it.
Nixon walked out of Dick’s bathroom, freshly showered and dressed. He was buttoning the top button of his shirt when he saw Dick giving him that not-quite a smirk…smirk.
“What?” he asked, shooting a hand to his hair and looking behind himself.
Dick smiled at the floor and shook his head, “Just thinking that you better not have used my toothbrush too.”
Nix rolled his eyes, “Well if I had to steal anyone’s toothbrush it would definitely be
yours…”
“Nix I was joking!”
“Ha…me too. No Floyd brought me one…”
Nixon and Dick’s cells beeped at the same time. Lewis shrugged but Dick checked his message.
“The contestants are all assembled in the clearing. You know what you’re talking about?”
Nixon rolled his eyes and snagged the papers Dick had been reading over earlier, “I will by the time we get there.”
The assembled group of contestants and crew all stood in the center of a clearing, which was in the middle of a grassy area of forest, trees encircling all of them.
“So who wants to guess what you’ll be doing today?”
21 pairs of eyes stared at Nixon in various states of boredom, confusion and concern. 1 pair was still flickering in and out of Snoozeville.
“No one? Okay.” Nixon smiled, much more awake due to coffee and the excitement of the new challenge, “Today you will be playing a game of Capture the Flag. Has anyone ever played that before?”
“No. We all have lives.” Sobel snapped.
Christenson slowly let his hand down from where he had shot it into the air, “Um…nevermind.”
“Well then- let’s explain the rules. Capture the Flag is an outdoor game played between two teams. Which works out well considering. Anyway each team has a flag that they keep on their side of a border. They way to win the game is to capture the other team’s flag and bring it over the border. The border in this case will be right where I’m standing,”
Everyone looked down to see a series of lined up logs set up to make the border quite obvious.
Dick took over explaining, “Each team will have defenders and attackers. Attackers will go into the other team’s territory in an attempt to get the enemy flag, and bring it back to their side of the border. Defenders will guard their side of the border and attempt to eliminate those attackers that try to steal their flag.”
“Now the way to eliminate a player will be quite simple,” Nixon explained holding up a small, round object with a miniature red flag hanging down from it. “Each player will be wearing one of these. All you have to do to eliminate someone from the challenge is to pull their flag and this black device will light up, indicating that the person is now out of the game. Once you’re out- come back to the border and chill until the game is over. You’ll be allowed to set ups your flags on your own. They need to be hung at head height and visible from 20 feet. We’ll be monitoring the border. Any questions?”
22 head shakes. Nixon smiled, “Excellent. Captains come and get your flags.”
Dick came up behind him, a red and blue flag in each hand. Speirs and Sobel walked up to grab them.
“Alright, Red territory to my front, blue territory to my back. Get going.”
The two teams took off to their sides of the border, cameramen in tow.
Red Team
They had only been walking in the forest for about 3 minutes when Speirs halted quickly and turned to look at his teammates abruptly. “Anyone wearing a red shirt take it off now.”
Grant looked around- noting that only he, Blithe, Perconte and Luz had forgone the provided red tees. “Uh why?”
Christenson stripped his shirt off and tossed it next to a tree, “Because red sticks out like a sore thumb and we don’t want to give away our position.”
“Exactly,” Speirs nodded before walking a few paces over to a low hanging tree. “Cobb, Compton- how tall are you?”
Cobb was reluctantly taking his shirt off, “5’10?”
Buck walked over to their team leader and held his hand out for the flag, “Here-I’m 6’1.”
Speirs handed it over for Buck to tack to the tree at his head height-which was higher than the rest of them. However Buck tacked it far above his head height, not really paying attention.
Ron surveyed the team.
“Okay-Blithe, Grant, Perconte, Luz, Compton and I will be the attack team. Anyone have a problem with that?”
Penkala shrugged, “Nah..but uh what are we supposed to do?”
Speirs looked around the area, “Set up a perimeter around the flag.”
Christenson nodded, “Yeah but not too close. We don’t want them to know where it is.”
Lipton nudged Burton, “You’ve played this before right?”
“Yeah- a few times.”
Speirs looked over quickly, “Anything we should know before we run straight into enemy territory?”
Christenson looked surprised that he was actually asking, “Uh…split up of course. Also try to blend in with their team, they may not recognize all their players right off.”
Speirs nodded, “Perfect. You take over things here. If you’re on the attack team- let’s get moving.”
Lipton watched him take off, impressed by the way he was handling the team.
Blue Team
“I’m telling you that’s fucking dumb!”
“Yeah I have to agree. They’ll see us before they see the flag!”
“Look-as team Captain I think that guarding the flag would be-”
Bill glared, “Who cares what you think? We aren’t obligated to listen to you. Guarding the flag is pathetic. And Hoobler’s right-they’ll see us and know exactly where the flag is.”
“Did you just call me pathetic?!”
Liebgott glared, “He was being pretty lenient if you ask me!”
“No one asked you-you stupid-”
“You don’t want to fucking go there-”
“Let’s all calm down,” Shifty held an arm in front of Liebgott-just in case. “Why don’t we figure out who’s going where?”
Sobel pursed his lips and nodded, “I’m definitely going to be on the attack team.”
Bill glared, “I’ll stay here. How about you Shifty?”
Shifty thought about it. “I’ve got pretty good ears, I think I should stay. That way I can alert y’all if anyone tries to sneak up on us.”
Evans smiled, “Speaking of ears…”
Hoobler frowned, “I’ll go anywhere he’s not.”
“He’s staying here to guard the flag? Right Evans?” Sobel asked the blond who nodded quickly.
“Then I’m on the attack team. You in kid?” Hoobler asked looking over at Babe.
“Uh sure?”
“I’ll go with you guys,” Gene tossed out.
“I’ll be on the attack team.” Muck volunteered, before nudging Don in the ribs.
“Oh…me too!” The red head laughed-taking the hint.
Bill nodded, “That’s plenty. Which means Liebgott, Webster, Evans, Shifty and me stay here. Everyone clear? Good. ”
In Blue Territory
Frank looked around to see if anyone could see him crossing over the log barrier. He had watched Luz simply stroll casually into the forest- obviously wanting to go with the “blend in” tactic. He was wearing a white tee so he might be able to pull it off.
He was only five feet into the forest when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He quickly squatted down and looked over to see Muck and Don walking about 10 feet to his right
in the direction of the border.
He held his breath until he felt they were safely out of his way. He stood up in a crouch and started walking slowly and almost had a heart attack when someone grabbed him by the shoulder.
“Speirs what the fuck?” he whispered but the other man put a finger to his lips and pointed in the direction that Frank had been about to go.
Liebgott was leaning against a tree not far off, looking around him. The two of them stooped low once more. Speirs leaned in close and whispered, “Walk back and then go off to the right. I’ll go to the left.”
He nodded and watched Ron go. He hadn’t even heard the stealthy fucker sneak up on him, they might actually win this thing.
In Red Territory
Gene wasn’t sure that Sobel could get any louder if he tried. They had all crossed into the Red territory consecutively but had split up fairly quickly. However even from the distance they put between them he could hear Sobel’s too-quick movements and heavy breathing. It’d only be a matter of time before someone else heard him.
Up ahead of him he could see a solitary red head and knew that it was Babe. He had wanted to talk to the guy and see how he was feeling, but there hadn’t really been a good time. He was wondering if he should catch up with him when he heard a loud crash.
“Shit!” Don cursed from where he had tripped over a branch and fallen flat on his face, causing a huge ruckus.
He jumped back up in time to see someone heading his way. He started to move off quickly but was grabbed by the back of his shirt by Penkala and fell to the ground again.
He heard a light beep as his flag was pulled and his device lit up. Penkala grinned triumphantly, “Nice try Malarkey.”
Don smiled up at him and shrugged. Penkala just frowned, “Why are you smiling?”
“Oh no reason Penk.”
There was another beep and Penkala looked down at his flashing device, “What the Hell?”
Alex turned around to see Skip waving his flag in his face, “HA! You SO were not expecting that shit!”
“Can you do that?”
Malarkey shrugged, “I guess he can!”
“Damn it!”
In Blue Territory
Bill was trying to herd Evans away from the flag. The blond was currently standing directly in front of the tree the flag was hung on. Just enough to attract attention to himself but not close enough to draw attention AWAY from the giant blue flag!
He glared at the other man, “You seriously cannot be standing here right now.”
“But Sobel told me to stand here.”
“No. He didn’t. He told you to guard the flag. You can do that from a lot of places.”
“How can I guard the flag if I can’t see it?”
“What? You aren’t even looking at it now!”
“…Yes I am.”
“Ugh. Look will you just move already? You’re making this too fucking difficult!”
“NO!”
Bill restrained himself from smacking the guy, not sure what to do instead. This was a problem…but the guy had kind of leeched onto Sobel when the other man had been the only one willing to talk to him. Now it was pretty obvious that he was the only one Evans would listen to…
Well if he couldn’t get him to move on his own, he knew another way to get him out of the way.
Bill reached down to the device clipped onto Evans shorts and pulled his flag out. “There. You’re eliminated. Beat it.”
Evans just gaped, “Wha? Oh man…”
Bill watched him slump over to the border in relief…that was one less thing to worry about.
Shifty paused in his silent pacing when he heard movement to his right. He spun around and saw a head of platinum blond hair.
He crept over until he was directly behind Buck. He was about to snatch the man’s flag when he heard someone holler, “Behind you Buck!”
Buck didn’t even look back but took off like a shot and Shifty took off after him. However the blond was moving too fast for Shifty to keep up with.
He had fallen a considerable distance behind when all of a sudden he saw Buck go flying forward off his feet.
Sucking in deep breaths of air- he caught up to the fallen Red and pulled the flag on his device. “Man you are really fast.”
Buck grimaced and sat up, “Thanks…I play college football. What’d I hit?”
“My foot.”
They both looked over to Liebgott who was standing there casually with one foot sticking out, obviously intending to trip Buck up, “No shirt huh? Anyone else on your team being skins?”
Buck knew better than to say anything and walked off toward the border.
David heard someone shout and took off towards the sound. He saw Shifty running after someone but instead of helping he followed the noise and saw Perconte.
Frank saw him and tried to run past him but David reached out and grabbed the flag off his waist. Perconte groaned, “Shiiiiit.”
David shook his head, “Maybe you shouldn’t have been shouting.”
Suddenly someone flew past him, grabbing his flag as well.
“Who the Hell was that?” David looked around frantically at his device lit up.
Frank made a face, “I honestly don’t even know.”
“Crap.”
In Red Territory
Christenson saw Sobel practically stomping right up the middle of their established perimeter and took off to eliminate the Blue Captain.
Huh…eliminate sounded kinda evil…
When he got a little closer he noticed that the loud player had also caught the attention of Cobb and Lipton- leaving a serious gap in their perimeter, “Guys get back to your spots!”
Sobel saw them and started to move but Lipton easily tackled him and Cobb snatched his flag.
They looked over at Burton.
“What are you hollering about?” Cobb asked- squinting his eyes against the sun.
“Guys there is officially only 1 person guarding our flag right now!”
“Oh…shit.”
Gene spotted the Red flag tacked onto a tree about 7 feet ahead. Glancing around he felt it was safe to run up there.
However the moment he got there he noted a slight problem. It was too high up for him to reach. Head height his ass! He was 5’10 and he couldn’t reach that!
Not sure what to do he didn’t hear anyone come up behind him.
“Need some help?”
Spinning around he sighed upon seeing that it was Babe. “Babe…you scared the Jesus out of me. Why don’t you give me a boost?”
Babe nodded, “Sure thing…um…”
“I’m Gene. Sorry…I shouldn’t of expected you to remember me.”
“No! I’m sorry Gene…um let me help you.” Babe trailed off, embarrassed that he hadn’t remembered a man who immediately struck him as unforgettable. “Wow that’s way up there.”
“Yeah not really head height huh?”
“Well I’m just sure that was a mistake,” Babe joked squatting down and making a basket with his hands.
Gene laughed and put a hand on Babe’s shoulder to steady himself before putting his right heel in Babe’s cupped palms.
Babe pushed up with his hands a little too quickly and Gene barely had time to pull down the Red flag before he lost his balance and fell back onto the red headed teen.
Twisting around Gene found them face to face on the ground and his breath caught at how close he was to Babe.
Babe just grinned awkwardly, “Uh sorry about that.”
Gene shook his head and sat the flag on Babe’s chest so he could push himself up off the ground, “No problem.”
Suddenly there was a beep and Gene saw his device start flashing. Toye had snuck up on him.
“Babe…start running.”
“Right.” Babe grabbed the flag and took off, Toye hot on his heels.
Gene cursed at letting himself get distracted and took off toward the border as well.
In Blue Territory
Speirs was watching Liebgott closely. The Blue player may not look like it- but he was becoming a serious threat. And Ron knew better than anyone else not to underestimate someone based on their appearance.
Liebgott had already eliminated Luz and Grant singlehandedly. It would only be a matter of time before he got to the others- all of whom Speirs was unclear about as far as their status went.
So….go for the flag or take out Liebgott?
He grinned, not able to resist a challenge. He headed over to Liebgott’s position, hoping to get the drop on the other man.
The moment he was within 3 feet of the other contestant Liebgott turned around to head back to the flag and found himself face to face with the Red team’s Captain.
They collided together solidly and tumbled to the ground. After untangling his arms from the other man Liebgott reached for the red flag at Ron’s waist and at the same moment felt pressure on his hip.
He glared up the shirtless Red, who had a thoughtful look on his face.
Finally Ron said, “Well…we could always call it a truce.”
Joe frowned, “Fuck that.”
They ripped off one another’s flags simultaneously.
In Red Territory
Hoobler wasn’t sure what was so special about this particular tree but the moment he got close to it he was violently tackled by two people…so that sucked.
Christenson pulled his flag off his waist and looked him over, “Where’s our flag?”
Hoobler shook his head, “I don’t know?”
Lipton, Cobb, and Christenson all exchanged looks before they took off sprinting toward the border.
Hoobler just lay there…not sure if he could even move, “Owww….this game sucks.”
Babe was no longer looking over his shoulder but he definitely knew that Toye was gaining on him. He knew it for certain when the other man hooked an arm around his waist and sent them both face first into the dirt.
Fortunately for Babe he landed on his side- the side that his device was strapped to. When Toye realized he couldn’t see it he tried to stand up but Babe reached up and activated his device.
Joe jumped to his feet and smacked his head, “So maybe tackling you was not the best idea.”
Babe shrugged and stood up as well, he was contemplating saying something to Toye when he saw three Reds running up behind Joe.
“Shit, gotta go.”
At the Border
Frank, Luz, Buck and Grant all groaned when they saw Speirs and Liebgott trudging towards them to wait the rest of the game out with the eliminated players.
“We’re so boned,” Luz complained.
“Yep.”
Nixon was standing off to the side with Dick and Harry. He adjusted his sunglasses and stared dejectedly at the border barrier, “Come on! Something has to happen soon!”
He then glared over at Dick, “And why are you not getting seriously sunburned? I put on like an entire bottle of SPF15 and you didn’t do jack! I know you don’t tan.”
Dick shrugged “I don’t know..I guess I just don’t burn easily.”
“Ice doesn’t melt in his mouth either.” Harry, who also had a faint strip of pink across his nose, complained.
“Whatever I- oh look!”
Babe had come tearing out of the forest, Christenson hot on his heels, and red flag in his hand. Nixon bounced on his feet excitedly, “That’s more like it.”
It looked like Babe was going to make it- he was only a few feet from the border, but Christenson in a last ditch attempt to stop him- flung himself forward, grabbing the side of Babe’s cargo shorts and yanking at the flag.
The flag come out, the device beeped- but everyone was much more interested in the fact that Babe’s shorts had come down as well.
“AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dude just got pantsed! On national television!” Nixon was actually hunched over he was laughing so hard, “Nice boxers kid!”
Babe glared as the others chimed in with wolf whistles and laughter.
“You’re young you can pull off South Park underwear!”
Babe just held out his hand and flicked off everyone that could see him. He reached down and yanked his shorts back up.
All of a sudden a bull horn went off.
“WINNER!” Nixon shouted.
Babe turned around to see what the Hell he was talking about and gaped with everyone else as Blithe strolled across the border-Blue flag in hand.
“What the FUCK?”
“NO WAY!”
Blithe just looked at everyone-confused, “What?”
“Red team wins!”
“So now what?” Hoobler asked rubbing his shoulder- still aching from the throw down by the Red team, “We just vote for who we want off the team?”
Bill shrugged- “I guess so.”
Dick walked over to the assembled Blue team, “Think about it and talk amongst yourselves and then come out to the beach at 6:00pm to take the vote.”
Everyone sighed and walked off.
Christenson took a break from celebrating with his team when he saw Babe walking back toward the house from the Jeep he had ridden in from the clearing. “Hey kid-wait up.”
Babe paused and looked over to glare at Christenson- still a little sore that the guy had pantsed him. But he knew it was an accident.
He frowned when Christenson reached him, “My name’s Babe- not kid.”
“Your real name is Babe?”
“Well- it’s Edward but…just call me Babe. What are you talking about my name for? Isn’t your name Burton?”
Christenson held up his hands, “Whoa- I don’t want to argue with you. I just wanted to apologize for the…y’know…the part where I pulled your pants off?
Babe shrugged, “Don’t sweat it…it was an accident.”
“Or was it?”
“Haha gross you pervert!”
Burton laughed, “I didn’t take you as a boxers kinda guy.”
“What?”
Gene hung back, seeing that Babe was busy talking to someone. Why was he so desperate to befriend the kid anyway? Hadn’t he wanted to keep his connections to a minimum?
Sobel sighed as he slumped back onto the couch- tuning out the constant chatter of Evans. He knew he was in a bad spot. No one really wanted him as Captain and it would be all too easy for them to vote for him.
It was ridiculous! Evans had told him that Bill had eliminated him. It was all Guarnere’s fault that their flag had been captured!
He had to do something to make sure he wouldn’t be forced to compete in the head to head challenge.
He paused when he looked past the hall and into the kitchen where Toye was cracking eggs for an omelet-suddenly getting a bad idea.
“So then I said ‘What if you strap the skate board to your feet?’ and he said-”
“Evans- vote for Bill tonight okay?”
“Um okay?” the blond watched him hop up and head over to the kitchen.
Sobel walked past the open carton of eggs grabbed two of them and a cup before walking to the bathroom.
Closing the door he cracked the eggs in the sink and poured the contents into the cup.
Taking a deep breath, he lifted the cup to his lips and drank the raw eggs. Swallowing hard he tried not to throw up- he hoped this would work.
“Where the fuck is Sobel? It’s almost 6:00!” Liebgott glared at Evans who was shrugging at him.
Dick walked over, he guessed this fell under his job description, “What’s the problem?”
David sighed, “We’re not sure where Sobel is- should we head over to the beach without him?”
Dick nodded, “Uh yeah get going…I’ll get him.”
Shifty walked over, “He’s in the hall bathroom- he sounds awfully sick.”
“I’ll go check on him.”
Dick went over to the bathroom in the hallway and tapped on the door, “Herbert? Can I come in?”
There was a cough then “Sure.”
Peeking around the door Dick saw Sobel on the floor hunched over the toilet. He had obviously been puking. “Oh my goodness!. Are you okay?”
“I have food poisoning.”
“What? Oh this is not good. You need to get to the infirmary. Don’t worry about this elimination- just sit it out. What gave you food poisoning?”
“I did.”
Dick just gaped as Sobel started retching again, “Oh Nixon’s going to love this,”
“Oh nice!” Nixon exclaimed to what Dick whispered in his ear, “Okay interesting news everybody. Sobel’s got serious food poisoning and is in the infirmary. So he’s probably going to be sick for a while. Basically I wouldn’t waste your vote on him….doesn’t look like he’s going to be up to competing.”
There was a chorus of curses.
“I know!” Nixon nodded, “Anyway just go over to this podium and write your vote down.”
He gestured over the large bonfire on the beach and to a wooden podium set up with paper ballots and a drop box. Way too Survivor style for Dick’s taste.
They all grumbled and formed a line.
“Can’t we just vote orally?” Malarkey asked.
Nixon shook his head, “Oh no. This ain’t my first rodeo…that’s how people get strangled.”
Dick looked over at him “I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“Yeah…but they might take out their misfortune on me….so ballots for now.”
“Right.”
Once everyone had circled around and dropped their ballots, Dick went and looked them over. Nixon peeked over his shoulder.
“Haha that should be interesting…”
“Who is it?” Babe asked.
Dick flipped though the ballots once more, “The two people who will be competing in tomorrow’s head to head challenge are…”
Nixon hip checked him out of the way, “Evans and Hoobler!”
Hoobler grinned, “Sweet! Wait…who voted for me!”
“You, my friend, will never know,” Nixon grinned, “Well at least not until the show airs with the accompanied footage of you all explaining who you voted for….Just meet back here at 9:00am tomorrow morning for the FIRST elimination challenge!”
Nixon: That’s right! Tune in next time to find out who will be kicked off of- wait we still don’t have a fucking name for this show! HARRY- I want some writer’s heads to roll damn it!
Word Count: 5,495
Summary: On a remote Brazilian island, 22 contestants are separated into 2 teams to compete against one another through a series of challenges. But they aren’t the only ones being challenged. A stressed producer, an exasperated doctor, the off-balanced host, a horny intern and an extremely concerned judge all struggle to maintain their faith as their reality show spirals into insanity.
Meet the Crew
Meet the Contestants
Oh Captain My Captain?
Disclaimer: I’m not making any money off of writing this story. It’s entirely fictional and based on the performances given in the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers and not the actual soldiers. Any ideas or challenges borrowed from a reality show belong to the creators of that show, not me. I don’t own anything…so please don’t sue me. I wrote it for your enjoyment so…enjoy!
Dick yawned as he rolled out of bed at 11:00am. Normally he would never sleep so late but the first challenge had kept them all up into the morning hours. He looked around his trailer and rolled his eyes to see that Nixon was asleep on his couch.
Unsure of how the man had even gotten in, but not entirely surprised to see him, he started to work making a pot of coffee in the hopes that the aroma would rouse Nixon from his sleep. Fat chance.
Giving Lewis one more curious look- he went off to hop into the shower, wondering if any of the contestants were awake yet.
As far as Babe could tell…he was in a bed. However he was rather reluctant to open his eyes.
His memories of the day before were sketchy at best and one could only wake up naked in some stranger’s front yard so many times before a fear of waking up was instilled.
Man why did these things always happen to him? He was a good kid! He was!
He put a cautious hand over his face and peeked through his fingers, squinting as the sunlight assaulted his eyes.
He did a quick check-fully clothed, no other occupants in the bed…this might be okay.
Blinking his eyes a couple of times he scanned the room he was in. There were three other beds, two were made up and one had sheets that were haphazardly strewn about. But they were all empty.
He slid up into a sitting position and noticed a bottle of water, two Advil and a yellow post it. He grabbed the post it.
Hope you’re feeling okay. Take these just in case.
Gene
Who the Hell was Gene?
“Man- he’s gonna be so hung over.”
“No shit.”
“Well he has to wake up sometime.”
Perconte, Toye and Buck all just looked down at Luz, who was snoozing-sprawled out on top of a kitchen counter.
Webster rolled his eyes and tried to maneuver his breakfast around the sleeping man, “Would you guys just move him already? This is ridiculous.”
Buck nodded, “That it is.”
Frank shrugged, “We’ve been trying to wake him up for 30 minutes. He’s not having it.”
Skip Muck popped up behind them, “I’ve got an idea.”
Penkala sipped on his coffee slowly as he watched Buck sling Luz over his shoulder and walk off with a few others upstairs. He grinned as Skip zipped over- most likely to talk him into witnessing whatever they were going to do to the poor guy.
Skip bounced over with a huge smile, “Hey Don! C’mere you gotta see this. It’s going to be hilarious.”
Then Muck reached forward, grabbed Don’s wrist and jerked the red head, who Penkala hadn’t even seen behind him, along after Buck and the others.
Alex sat there- wondering if he was suddenly invisible to his best friend.
“SON OF A BITCH!”
George Luz jumped up as cold water sprayed him in the face. The moment he got to his feet, he slipped on the tub’s wet surface and fell down again.
Coughing and sputtering he looked up to see five of his fellow housemates laughing their asses off as he was soaked from head to toe underneath the shower spray.
Reaching out he grabbed Toye and Buck’s sleeves and pulled them into the tub and then unhooked the shower head to spray the other spectators as well.
“Ha! Not so funny now is it? Assholes!”
Toye laughed from where he was now lying on his back in the tub, one foot sticking out, “No it really is.”
Luz turned the temperature up to scalding hot and rounded on him.
“OW! SHIT!”
Buck and the others made a hasty retreat, laughing the whole way.
“Nixon. Wake up.”
“Go away!”
Renee glared before glancing back at Dick who was reading over the rules of the challenge and sipping on a cup of coffee.
Frowning she brought her heeled foot up and dug it into his shoulder.
“OW!”
“Wake up then! It’s already late and we have to get started. The next person out here is going to be Martin and you KNOW how he likes to wake you up.”
Nixon sighed, “Painfully.”
“Yep…now up-up.”
Grumbling, Nixon struggled off the couch and looked over at Dick before nodding back towards his shower. Dick shrugged and Nixon took off toward the bathroom.
Renee watched him go, “Doesn’t he have his own trailer?”
“Yeah…he’s afraid he’s going to get eaten by a jaguar.”
“A jaguar?”
“It is Brazil.”
“Right…well I guess I’ll have Talbert go get him his clothes.”
Webster watched as Liebgott stood in front of the fridge. Reaching inside, he grabbed the orange juice. Then put it back. Then grabbed it…then put it back. This went on for a few minutes.
David finally stood up, snatched the orange juice out of Joe’s hands, poured some into a cup and slammed it down on the kitchen counter. Then he grabbed a banana and threw it at
Liebgott.
Joe hastily caught the fruit and glared at the other man, “Do you have a fucking death wish?”
“Look just…eat that and we’ll pretend like I never said…what I said last night.”
It had only taken an hour on thinking back on his statement before David realized that what he said must have had some truth to it. Maybe he didn’t know what it was but…Joe obviously had some sort of issue with either eating or people talking about his weight.
Whichever it was, David felt bad about it. He was really a nice person…Liebgott just rubbed him the wrong way.
Joe glared at him, but then nodded and sat down in front of the orange juice.
David figured that was kind of like them apologizing.
Babe was watching as everyone started gathering into the living room sort of naturally…Some people were eating, others were talking loudly, and a few dark haired men were yawning still.
He himself was kind of slumped down on the couch, watching the chaos continue to unfold. He didn’t really remember any of these people…
Suddenly a man flopped down next to him. He had brown hair and strangely protruding ears.
The man grinned at him, “How you feeling kid?”
Babe blinked at him, “Are you Gene?”
“Uh…no. I’m Don Hoobler. But we have two Don’s on our team so just call me Hoobler.”
“Teams?”
The man gaped, “Wow you were more out of it than I thought.”
“Yeah about that…what was wrong with me?”
Hoobler laughed, “Oh man. You were all strung out on LSD!”
“I was WHAT!?”
The man winced and Babe looked around embarrassed, but few looked very interested in what he was shouting about.
“But I don’t do drugs! I swear I don’t! Um…what’s going to happen to me? “
Hoobler didn’t seem to be sure what he was referring to but when he saw Babe glancing nervously at the cameras he nodded in understanding, “Oh don’t worry about that. You were entertaining enough that I’m pretty sure they’re not going to do anything. Plus from what I can tell you didn’t do it on purpose right?”
“Right!”
Hoobler swatted him on the shoulder, “You’ll be fine kid. Now let me fill you in on the stuff you were too high to understand, okay?”
“Sure,” Babe muttered, glancing around at all the assembled contestants, curious about which one of them had left him the post it.
Nixon walked out of Dick’s bathroom, freshly showered and dressed. He was buttoning the top button of his shirt when he saw Dick giving him that not-quite a smirk…smirk.
“What?” he asked, shooting a hand to his hair and looking behind himself.
Dick smiled at the floor and shook his head, “Just thinking that you better not have used my toothbrush too.”
Nix rolled his eyes, “Well if I had to steal anyone’s toothbrush it would definitely be
yours…”
“Nix I was joking!”
“Ha…me too. No Floyd brought me one…”
Nixon and Dick’s cells beeped at the same time. Lewis shrugged but Dick checked his message.
“The contestants are all assembled in the clearing. You know what you’re talking about?”
Nixon rolled his eyes and snagged the papers Dick had been reading over earlier, “I will by the time we get there.”
The assembled group of contestants and crew all stood in the center of a clearing, which was in the middle of a grassy area of forest, trees encircling all of them.
“So who wants to guess what you’ll be doing today?”
21 pairs of eyes stared at Nixon in various states of boredom, confusion and concern. 1 pair was still flickering in and out of Snoozeville.
“No one? Okay.” Nixon smiled, much more awake due to coffee and the excitement of the new challenge, “Today you will be playing a game of Capture the Flag. Has anyone ever played that before?”
“No. We all have lives.” Sobel snapped.
Christenson slowly let his hand down from where he had shot it into the air, “Um…nevermind.”
“Well then- let’s explain the rules. Capture the Flag is an outdoor game played between two teams. Which works out well considering. Anyway each team has a flag that they keep on their side of a border. They way to win the game is to capture the other team’s flag and bring it over the border. The border in this case will be right where I’m standing,”
Everyone looked down to see a series of lined up logs set up to make the border quite obvious.
Dick took over explaining, “Each team will have defenders and attackers. Attackers will go into the other team’s territory in an attempt to get the enemy flag, and bring it back to their side of the border. Defenders will guard their side of the border and attempt to eliminate those attackers that try to steal their flag.”
“Now the way to eliminate a player will be quite simple,” Nixon explained holding up a small, round object with a miniature red flag hanging down from it. “Each player will be wearing one of these. All you have to do to eliminate someone from the challenge is to pull their flag and this black device will light up, indicating that the person is now out of the game. Once you’re out- come back to the border and chill until the game is over. You’ll be allowed to set ups your flags on your own. They need to be hung at head height and visible from 20 feet. We’ll be monitoring the border. Any questions?”
22 head shakes. Nixon smiled, “Excellent. Captains come and get your flags.”
Dick came up behind him, a red and blue flag in each hand. Speirs and Sobel walked up to grab them.
“Alright, Red territory to my front, blue territory to my back. Get going.”
The two teams took off to their sides of the border, cameramen in tow.
Red Team
They had only been walking in the forest for about 3 minutes when Speirs halted quickly and turned to look at his teammates abruptly. “Anyone wearing a red shirt take it off now.”
Grant looked around- noting that only he, Blithe, Perconte and Luz had forgone the provided red tees. “Uh why?”
Christenson stripped his shirt off and tossed it next to a tree, “Because red sticks out like a sore thumb and we don’t want to give away our position.”
“Exactly,” Speirs nodded before walking a few paces over to a low hanging tree. “Cobb, Compton- how tall are you?”
Cobb was reluctantly taking his shirt off, “5’10?”
Buck walked over to their team leader and held his hand out for the flag, “Here-I’m 6’1.”
Speirs handed it over for Buck to tack to the tree at his head height-which was higher than the rest of them. However Buck tacked it far above his head height, not really paying attention.
Ron surveyed the team.
“Okay-Blithe, Grant, Perconte, Luz, Compton and I will be the attack team. Anyone have a problem with that?”
Penkala shrugged, “Nah..but uh what are we supposed to do?”
Speirs looked around the area, “Set up a perimeter around the flag.”
Christenson nodded, “Yeah but not too close. We don’t want them to know where it is.”
Lipton nudged Burton, “You’ve played this before right?”
“Yeah- a few times.”
Speirs looked over quickly, “Anything we should know before we run straight into enemy territory?”
Christenson looked surprised that he was actually asking, “Uh…split up of course. Also try to blend in with their team, they may not recognize all their players right off.”
Speirs nodded, “Perfect. You take over things here. If you’re on the attack team- let’s get moving.”
Lipton watched him take off, impressed by the way he was handling the team.
Blue Team
“I’m telling you that’s fucking dumb!”
“Yeah I have to agree. They’ll see us before they see the flag!”
“Look-as team Captain I think that guarding the flag would be-”
Bill glared, “Who cares what you think? We aren’t obligated to listen to you. Guarding the flag is pathetic. And Hoobler’s right-they’ll see us and know exactly where the flag is.”
“Did you just call me pathetic?!”
Liebgott glared, “He was being pretty lenient if you ask me!”
“No one asked you-you stupid-”
“You don’t want to fucking go there-”
“Let’s all calm down,” Shifty held an arm in front of Liebgott-just in case. “Why don’t we figure out who’s going where?”
Sobel pursed his lips and nodded, “I’m definitely going to be on the attack team.”
Bill glared, “I’ll stay here. How about you Shifty?”
Shifty thought about it. “I’ve got pretty good ears, I think I should stay. That way I can alert y’all if anyone tries to sneak up on us.”
Evans smiled, “Speaking of ears…”
Hoobler frowned, “I’ll go anywhere he’s not.”
“He’s staying here to guard the flag? Right Evans?” Sobel asked the blond who nodded quickly.
“Then I’m on the attack team. You in kid?” Hoobler asked looking over at Babe.
“Uh sure?”
“I’ll go with you guys,” Gene tossed out.
“I’ll be on the attack team.” Muck volunteered, before nudging Don in the ribs.
“Oh…me too!” The red head laughed-taking the hint.
Bill nodded, “That’s plenty. Which means Liebgott, Webster, Evans, Shifty and me stay here. Everyone clear? Good. ”
In Blue Territory
Frank looked around to see if anyone could see him crossing over the log barrier. He had watched Luz simply stroll casually into the forest- obviously wanting to go with the “blend in” tactic. He was wearing a white tee so he might be able to pull it off.
He was only five feet into the forest when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He quickly squatted down and looked over to see Muck and Don walking about 10 feet to his right
in the direction of the border.
He held his breath until he felt they were safely out of his way. He stood up in a crouch and started walking slowly and almost had a heart attack when someone grabbed him by the shoulder.
“Speirs what the fuck?” he whispered but the other man put a finger to his lips and pointed in the direction that Frank had been about to go.
Liebgott was leaning against a tree not far off, looking around him. The two of them stooped low once more. Speirs leaned in close and whispered, “Walk back and then go off to the right. I’ll go to the left.”
He nodded and watched Ron go. He hadn’t even heard the stealthy fucker sneak up on him, they might actually win this thing.
In Red Territory
Gene wasn’t sure that Sobel could get any louder if he tried. They had all crossed into the Red territory consecutively but had split up fairly quickly. However even from the distance they put between them he could hear Sobel’s too-quick movements and heavy breathing. It’d only be a matter of time before someone else heard him.
Up ahead of him he could see a solitary red head and knew that it was Babe. He had wanted to talk to the guy and see how he was feeling, but there hadn’t really been a good time. He was wondering if he should catch up with him when he heard a loud crash.
“Shit!” Don cursed from where he had tripped over a branch and fallen flat on his face, causing a huge ruckus.
He jumped back up in time to see someone heading his way. He started to move off quickly but was grabbed by the back of his shirt by Penkala and fell to the ground again.
He heard a light beep as his flag was pulled and his device lit up. Penkala grinned triumphantly, “Nice try Malarkey.”
Don smiled up at him and shrugged. Penkala just frowned, “Why are you smiling?”
“Oh no reason Penk.”
There was another beep and Penkala looked down at his flashing device, “What the Hell?”
Alex turned around to see Skip waving his flag in his face, “HA! You SO were not expecting that shit!”
“Can you do that?”
Malarkey shrugged, “I guess he can!”
“Damn it!”
In Blue Territory
Bill was trying to herd Evans away from the flag. The blond was currently standing directly in front of the tree the flag was hung on. Just enough to attract attention to himself but not close enough to draw attention AWAY from the giant blue flag!
He glared at the other man, “You seriously cannot be standing here right now.”
“But Sobel told me to stand here.”
“No. He didn’t. He told you to guard the flag. You can do that from a lot of places.”
“How can I guard the flag if I can’t see it?”
“What? You aren’t even looking at it now!”
“…Yes I am.”
“Ugh. Look will you just move already? You’re making this too fucking difficult!”
“NO!”
Bill restrained himself from smacking the guy, not sure what to do instead. This was a problem…but the guy had kind of leeched onto Sobel when the other man had been the only one willing to talk to him. Now it was pretty obvious that he was the only one Evans would listen to…
Well if he couldn’t get him to move on his own, he knew another way to get him out of the way.
Bill reached down to the device clipped onto Evans shorts and pulled his flag out. “There. You’re eliminated. Beat it.”
Evans just gaped, “Wha? Oh man…”
Bill watched him slump over to the border in relief…that was one less thing to worry about.
Shifty paused in his silent pacing when he heard movement to his right. He spun around and saw a head of platinum blond hair.
He crept over until he was directly behind Buck. He was about to snatch the man’s flag when he heard someone holler, “Behind you Buck!”
Buck didn’t even look back but took off like a shot and Shifty took off after him. However the blond was moving too fast for Shifty to keep up with.
He had fallen a considerable distance behind when all of a sudden he saw Buck go flying forward off his feet.
Sucking in deep breaths of air- he caught up to the fallen Red and pulled the flag on his device. “Man you are really fast.”
Buck grimaced and sat up, “Thanks…I play college football. What’d I hit?”
“My foot.”
They both looked over to Liebgott who was standing there casually with one foot sticking out, obviously intending to trip Buck up, “No shirt huh? Anyone else on your team being skins?”
Buck knew better than to say anything and walked off toward the border.
David heard someone shout and took off towards the sound. He saw Shifty running after someone but instead of helping he followed the noise and saw Perconte.
Frank saw him and tried to run past him but David reached out and grabbed the flag off his waist. Perconte groaned, “Shiiiiit.”
David shook his head, “Maybe you shouldn’t have been shouting.”
Suddenly someone flew past him, grabbing his flag as well.
“Who the Hell was that?” David looked around frantically at his device lit up.
Frank made a face, “I honestly don’t even know.”
“Crap.”
In Red Territory
Christenson saw Sobel practically stomping right up the middle of their established perimeter and took off to eliminate the Blue Captain.
Huh…eliminate sounded kinda evil…
When he got a little closer he noticed that the loud player had also caught the attention of Cobb and Lipton- leaving a serious gap in their perimeter, “Guys get back to your spots!”
Sobel saw them and started to move but Lipton easily tackled him and Cobb snatched his flag.
They looked over at Burton.
“What are you hollering about?” Cobb asked- squinting his eyes against the sun.
“Guys there is officially only 1 person guarding our flag right now!”
“Oh…shit.”
Gene spotted the Red flag tacked onto a tree about 7 feet ahead. Glancing around he felt it was safe to run up there.
However the moment he got there he noted a slight problem. It was too high up for him to reach. Head height his ass! He was 5’10 and he couldn’t reach that!
Not sure what to do he didn’t hear anyone come up behind him.
“Need some help?”
Spinning around he sighed upon seeing that it was Babe. “Babe…you scared the Jesus out of me. Why don’t you give me a boost?”
Babe nodded, “Sure thing…um…”
“I’m Gene. Sorry…I shouldn’t of expected you to remember me.”
“No! I’m sorry Gene…um let me help you.” Babe trailed off, embarrassed that he hadn’t remembered a man who immediately struck him as unforgettable. “Wow that’s way up there.”
“Yeah not really head height huh?”
“Well I’m just sure that was a mistake,” Babe joked squatting down and making a basket with his hands.
Gene laughed and put a hand on Babe’s shoulder to steady himself before putting his right heel in Babe’s cupped palms.
Babe pushed up with his hands a little too quickly and Gene barely had time to pull down the Red flag before he lost his balance and fell back onto the red headed teen.
Twisting around Gene found them face to face on the ground and his breath caught at how close he was to Babe.
Babe just grinned awkwardly, “Uh sorry about that.”
Gene shook his head and sat the flag on Babe’s chest so he could push himself up off the ground, “No problem.”
Suddenly there was a beep and Gene saw his device start flashing. Toye had snuck up on him.
“Babe…start running.”
“Right.” Babe grabbed the flag and took off, Toye hot on his heels.
Gene cursed at letting himself get distracted and took off toward the border as well.
In Blue Territory
Speirs was watching Liebgott closely. The Blue player may not look like it- but he was becoming a serious threat. And Ron knew better than anyone else not to underestimate someone based on their appearance.
Liebgott had already eliminated Luz and Grant singlehandedly. It would only be a matter of time before he got to the others- all of whom Speirs was unclear about as far as their status went.
So….go for the flag or take out Liebgott?
He grinned, not able to resist a challenge. He headed over to Liebgott’s position, hoping to get the drop on the other man.
The moment he was within 3 feet of the other contestant Liebgott turned around to head back to the flag and found himself face to face with the Red team’s Captain.
They collided together solidly and tumbled to the ground. After untangling his arms from the other man Liebgott reached for the red flag at Ron’s waist and at the same moment felt pressure on his hip.
He glared up the shirtless Red, who had a thoughtful look on his face.
Finally Ron said, “Well…we could always call it a truce.”
Joe frowned, “Fuck that.”
They ripped off one another’s flags simultaneously.
In Red Territory
Hoobler wasn’t sure what was so special about this particular tree but the moment he got close to it he was violently tackled by two people…so that sucked.
Christenson pulled his flag off his waist and looked him over, “Where’s our flag?”
Hoobler shook his head, “I don’t know?”
Lipton, Cobb, and Christenson all exchanged looks before they took off sprinting toward the border.
Hoobler just lay there…not sure if he could even move, “Owww….this game sucks.”
Babe was no longer looking over his shoulder but he definitely knew that Toye was gaining on him. He knew it for certain when the other man hooked an arm around his waist and sent them both face first into the dirt.
Fortunately for Babe he landed on his side- the side that his device was strapped to. When Toye realized he couldn’t see it he tried to stand up but Babe reached up and activated his device.
Joe jumped to his feet and smacked his head, “So maybe tackling you was not the best idea.”
Babe shrugged and stood up as well, he was contemplating saying something to Toye when he saw three Reds running up behind Joe.
“Shit, gotta go.”
At the Border
Frank, Luz, Buck and Grant all groaned when they saw Speirs and Liebgott trudging towards them to wait the rest of the game out with the eliminated players.
“We’re so boned,” Luz complained.
“Yep.”
Nixon was standing off to the side with Dick and Harry. He adjusted his sunglasses and stared dejectedly at the border barrier, “Come on! Something has to happen soon!”
He then glared over at Dick, “And why are you not getting seriously sunburned? I put on like an entire bottle of SPF15 and you didn’t do jack! I know you don’t tan.”
Dick shrugged “I don’t know..I guess I just don’t burn easily.”
“Ice doesn’t melt in his mouth either.” Harry, who also had a faint strip of pink across his nose, complained.
“Whatever I- oh look!”
Babe had come tearing out of the forest, Christenson hot on his heels, and red flag in his hand. Nixon bounced on his feet excitedly, “That’s more like it.”
It looked like Babe was going to make it- he was only a few feet from the border, but Christenson in a last ditch attempt to stop him- flung himself forward, grabbing the side of Babe’s cargo shorts and yanking at the flag.
The flag come out, the device beeped- but everyone was much more interested in the fact that Babe’s shorts had come down as well.
“AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dude just got pantsed! On national television!” Nixon was actually hunched over he was laughing so hard, “Nice boxers kid!”
Babe glared as the others chimed in with wolf whistles and laughter.
“You’re young you can pull off South Park underwear!”
Babe just held out his hand and flicked off everyone that could see him. He reached down and yanked his shorts back up.
All of a sudden a bull horn went off.
“WINNER!” Nixon shouted.
Babe turned around to see what the Hell he was talking about and gaped with everyone else as Blithe strolled across the border-Blue flag in hand.
“What the FUCK?”
“NO WAY!”
Blithe just looked at everyone-confused, “What?”
“Red team wins!”
“So now what?” Hoobler asked rubbing his shoulder- still aching from the throw down by the Red team, “We just vote for who we want off the team?”
Bill shrugged- “I guess so.”
Dick walked over to the assembled Blue team, “Think about it and talk amongst yourselves and then come out to the beach at 6:00pm to take the vote.”
Everyone sighed and walked off.
Christenson took a break from celebrating with his team when he saw Babe walking back toward the house from the Jeep he had ridden in from the clearing. “Hey kid-wait up.”
Babe paused and looked over to glare at Christenson- still a little sore that the guy had pantsed him. But he knew it was an accident.
He frowned when Christenson reached him, “My name’s Babe- not kid.”
“Your real name is Babe?”
“Well- it’s Edward but…just call me Babe. What are you talking about my name for? Isn’t your name Burton?”
Christenson held up his hands, “Whoa- I don’t want to argue with you. I just wanted to apologize for the…y’know…the part where I pulled your pants off?
Babe shrugged, “Don’t sweat it…it was an accident.”
“Or was it?”
“Haha gross you pervert!”
Burton laughed, “I didn’t take you as a boxers kinda guy.”
“What?”
Gene hung back, seeing that Babe was busy talking to someone. Why was he so desperate to befriend the kid anyway? Hadn’t he wanted to keep his connections to a minimum?
Sobel sighed as he slumped back onto the couch- tuning out the constant chatter of Evans. He knew he was in a bad spot. No one really wanted him as Captain and it would be all too easy for them to vote for him.
It was ridiculous! Evans had told him that Bill had eliminated him. It was all Guarnere’s fault that their flag had been captured!
He had to do something to make sure he wouldn’t be forced to compete in the head to head challenge.
He paused when he looked past the hall and into the kitchen where Toye was cracking eggs for an omelet-suddenly getting a bad idea.
“So then I said ‘What if you strap the skate board to your feet?’ and he said-”
“Evans- vote for Bill tonight okay?”
“Um okay?” the blond watched him hop up and head over to the kitchen.
Sobel walked past the open carton of eggs grabbed two of them and a cup before walking to the bathroom.
Closing the door he cracked the eggs in the sink and poured the contents into the cup.
Taking a deep breath, he lifted the cup to his lips and drank the raw eggs. Swallowing hard he tried not to throw up- he hoped this would work.
“Where the fuck is Sobel? It’s almost 6:00!” Liebgott glared at Evans who was shrugging at him.
Dick walked over, he guessed this fell under his job description, “What’s the problem?”
David sighed, “We’re not sure where Sobel is- should we head over to the beach without him?”
Dick nodded, “Uh yeah get going…I’ll get him.”
Shifty walked over, “He’s in the hall bathroom- he sounds awfully sick.”
“I’ll go check on him.”
Dick went over to the bathroom in the hallway and tapped on the door, “Herbert? Can I come in?”
There was a cough then “Sure.”
Peeking around the door Dick saw Sobel on the floor hunched over the toilet. He had obviously been puking. “Oh my goodness!. Are you okay?”
“I have food poisoning.”
“What? Oh this is not good. You need to get to the infirmary. Don’t worry about this elimination- just sit it out. What gave you food poisoning?”
“I did.”
Dick just gaped as Sobel started retching again, “Oh Nixon’s going to love this,”
“Oh nice!” Nixon exclaimed to what Dick whispered in his ear, “Okay interesting news everybody. Sobel’s got serious food poisoning and is in the infirmary. So he’s probably going to be sick for a while. Basically I wouldn’t waste your vote on him….doesn’t look like he’s going to be up to competing.”
There was a chorus of curses.
“I know!” Nixon nodded, “Anyway just go over to this podium and write your vote down.”
He gestured over the large bonfire on the beach and to a wooden podium set up with paper ballots and a drop box. Way too Survivor style for Dick’s taste.
They all grumbled and formed a line.
“Can’t we just vote orally?” Malarkey asked.
Nixon shook his head, “Oh no. This ain’t my first rodeo…that’s how people get strangled.”
Dick looked over at him “I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“Yeah…but they might take out their misfortune on me….so ballots for now.”
“Right.”
Once everyone had circled around and dropped their ballots, Dick went and looked them over. Nixon peeked over his shoulder.
“Haha that should be interesting…”
“Who is it?” Babe asked.
Dick flipped though the ballots once more, “The two people who will be competing in tomorrow’s head to head challenge are…”
Nixon hip checked him out of the way, “Evans and Hoobler!”
Hoobler grinned, “Sweet! Wait…who voted for me!”
“You, my friend, will never know,” Nixon grinned, “Well at least not until the show airs with the accompanied footage of you all explaining who you voted for….Just meet back here at 9:00am tomorrow morning for the FIRST elimination challenge!”
Nixon: That’s right! Tune in next time to find out who will be kicked off of- wait we still don’t have a fucking name for this show! HARRY- I want some writer’s heads to roll damn it!