Dog Blog, 6-20-06
One of the most exciting parts about moving to Cleveland was going to be getting my dog back. He couldn't stay with me when I was crashing with my parents because of their apartment regulations and my several decades old cat, so he stayed with a family nearby, as I've written about before. Getting my own apartment again would allow me the luxury of the doggie, which has been a big sore spot in my heart for about eight months now.
I got him, too. All negative six pounds of his little weenie butt in all of his peeing in the house and randomly eating underwear glory. I noticed that he was whining a lot more than normal, but I chalked it up to him having not lived with me for a while. Or the stress of the move. Or being in a strange place. Or whatever.
He loves me. He loves Lindy, too, and follows her around and sleeps on her and stuff. But he nipped at her Mom. He nipped at some neighbors. He started growling and trying to bite people in the hallway in their legs. And I thought, "God, okay, he's just nervous/scared/stressed." He'll grow out of it.
Koji has always loved dogs. There's a puggle named Charlie a few apartments over who is a total sweetheart. Upon meeting him, Koji immediately jumped on the dog's side and started biting him, and clawing at him with both front legs. Charlie recoiled and tried to run away, because he's nice. He's just nervous/scared. He'll grow out of it.
Koji's next pal was an 11 year old poodle named Rusty who might be the nicest, most chill dog I've ever met. Koji tried to bite him in the face.
I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to give him some time and let him get adjusted. I didn't know what they'd done to him if they'd done anything to him at all at the place he stayed. I'd heard stories of him trying to bite some of the little girl's friends, and snapping at her parents when they tried to put him in his cage at night. He's just nervous. Or something. So I gave him another week or so, let him relax.
Lindy and I were watching a movie one night and because Koji had been a good boy all day, she bought him some chew bones. The big white ones that he likes. He sat at my feet during the movie, eating the bone, until he pushed it under the couch. He couldn't get to it, so like I've done a thousand times before, I reached down to pull the bone out for him.
And my sweet little puppy, who slept in my armpit when he was the size of a peach, jumped on my wrist and started trying to bite my finger off.
I can write a million words about how borderline retarded piano virtuoso girls inspire me and how cartoons from Asia make my life worth living, but I can't really put into words what this is all making me feel like. Part of me wants to die. Part of me wants to throw Koji through a window.
Was it something I did? Was it something they did? Did he just go away?
When I picked him up to put him in his cage immediately afterward he was snarling, screaming, trying to bite me again. As I was locking it up, he tried to bite me through the cage. He was just hate. Hate in that little body. In my baby. In my fucking baby.
I took him out back and shot him, like in Old Yeller, and cried into Paw's lap.
Nah. I drove him into West Virginia to meet my parents halfway, who drove him back down to the family who had been watching him. I love him, no matter what he does to me, and I want him to be happy. There he at least has another dog to bite, and other people who won't burst into emotional wreckage when he changes. Or when he just grows up. I don't know.
I really don't know. At least he'll be happy. Maybe he just couldn't forgive me.
Ah man.