(Probably) My last entry about Chicago
That's how Folby saved our room in his notebook. "My 4 Friends." I thought it was the cutest thing ever. Folby's been helping ROH fan event organizer Greg H. with his duties so we had an INSIDER PULL on reserving the rooms, which was nice. It was funny to hear Greg H. have no idea who I was and not recognize my name when I called him up to get in, until I explained about Folby and he goes "Oh, they're Peter's group!" The notebook explained a lot.
The hotel was nice (and they had the foamy beds that morph into your body shape that made me want to sleep forever) but we had to leave, navigating what was no doubt 0.0005 Standard Chicago Traffic on our way home. We dropped Ryan and Bill off at the airport, where I stood in front of the doors and made them stand in the cold for six hours. When they had paid their friendship dues I boarded the Good Ship Reddish Car and navigated our tired asses back to Cleveland.
Since we missed out on the zoo, and because Lindy and I had had zoo adventures before, we decided to head back to the Cleveland Zoo and get our elephant on. Mondays were still free to Ohio residents, but because of gloomy weather and the time of day we were much less crowded this time out, cutting down on our humorous people-watching but amplifying our ability to actually enjoy the goddamn zoo.
Oh! Point of interest. Chipotle. Emily and Lindy (and Samoa Joe and AJ Styles and everybody) were always going OMG CHIPOTLE and making orgasm face about it, so I finally got to try it on the trip and have been making orgasm face for several weeks. It's exactly as good as I'd been told. The best part is that when we got our food the lady at Chipotle made it easy to tell which burrito was which by labeling mine "HIS."
I don't know, maybe I was supposed to give it unto the Lord or some shit.
We ate half of our Chipotle at the ROARING LION CAFE, a collection of patio tables and autonomous units for mid-zoo snacking near the lion pen. There were some screaming/crying/whatevering kids at the tables but not a lot of roaring lions. In fact, the lion just chilled out on pride rock and took a nap.
Other points of zoo interest:
- It's not a unique thought, but gorillas might be the most fascinating animals on Earth. You don't realize how human and alive they are until you're staring at one up close through a couple of inches of window. When I hug Koji I don't look in his eyes and see cognizance and emotion, I just see a doggie who wants to be loved. I saw a lot in the gorilla that I wasn't expecting, and all it was doing was sitting around and occasionally flopping over.
I grew up believing in creation and thinking that evolution was ridiculous because HOW COULD I COME FROM A MONKEY I AIN'T NO MONKEY, but now I can't say with honesty that I can look in a gorilla's eyes, at least this one, and not see a little bit of myself in there. Gorillas are supposed to be in suspenders having pet shop shenanigans or climbing to the tops of tall buildings with blondes, not just...sitting there. I wanted to hug it, and tell it all kinds of things I've realized about the food chain and our places in life, but then I remembered it had the capacity to shatter my skull in its hand and reconsidered.
At the gorilla cage we had a nice moment with a little big-eyed baby, too. It was a kind of full-circle spirituality moment I don't get a lot, because I'm 26 and shallow and tired. I hope I'll be a good dad, one day. One day very far away from today. I think I'll be okay.
- Baby leopards are the cutest thing in the entire world. This little guy had stubby legs and watched us as we made our way in out of the rain to the cat house, and the building where they keep all the crazy eyed night howler death monkeys and terrifyingly large ass bugs. In the indoor facilities I learned
1) Chimpanzees are fascinated by a woman putting things into or taking things out of her purse.
2) Marmosets are very interested in me.
3) There is nothing funnier than a Chinese toddler making a fool of himself by swinging around like a total doofus on some guardrails.
4) Lindy is so scared of snakes that I'm considering carrying around a big one in a canvas bag to frighten her into agreeing with me more often.
5) Giant fish really fuck up my shit.
The best thing I learned is that cheetahs are just big kitties.
- Koala Bears (who are born the size of a lima bean, expressed in both button-centric video programming and the helpful standing lady with a lima bean in her palm) are so cool, and I am going to get rich enough to buy one from the wild, put him in a habitat in my home, and call him "Toshiaki Koala."
- After the weather improved (slightly) we took a tram down to the rainforest exhibit and walked around in humidity for a couple of hours, taking in things like frogs that look like dirt and frogs that look like rocks. We got to see closeups of ants (eww) and some more giant fish (shitted pants), and air with lots and lots and lots of water in it. After engaging in some dubious acts of grotesque public affection (winking emoticon the size of Mars) we realized we were very very very tired and made our way home-ish.
- We were SO TIRED. Look at me.
I've got like 40,000 lines in my forehead because I'd slept about 26 seconds in the last five days of driving and flying and walking. Lindy's adorable as always, because even when she's tired she manages to be cute (especially when doing things like letting me give her the Cradle Shock into a swimming pool), but I'm just haggard. I've lost some weight since the last time we went to the zoo and my clothes are all baggy, and my pants crotch is down by my knees, and I look like I chose the wrong grail and shit.
After that we went to the airport and said our sad goodbyes (for now), and I made my way home to rest, which I've been doing ever since. I can't wait to get up to Cleveland in June and to our Progressive Boink Psycho Beach Party gettogether later in that month, where we FINALLY get to see the world of cuteness explode with pictures of Fireball and Koji in the same place.
Oh, and before I forget
- There was this turtle at the zoo who was a fucking unprofessional, so in front of God, Jesus, and Mr. Mac Man I suplexed him, put him in the camel clutch, and broke his back.
Then I fucked his ass to make him hum-bell!
see you guys next entry