Feverish Nightmare
I have a fever: It's high, and I woke in the middle of the night and wrote this. It is the nightmare I had. That was about an hour ago: I still have that fever, but i'm gonna post anyway.
One night when forced from my house, for fear of the thng which once haunted me, I began to feel the need to leave my caretakers thus far- my parents.
I wanted to leave and to travel across europe in a car and was told that i needed them with me because of the many things that would go wrong and i would not be able to fix?:what if the car runs out of gas? Well, then i'll put more gas in it! But what if the car needs new brakes on those mountain roads? Well tehn I'll bloody well get new brakes! what if you put the wrong brakes on it? You need your father for that: he knows more than you can. You are incomptetant, my son.
-cut-
I roam through the house, in the night, not knowing why. I come across my father lying down in my younger brother's room. My brother is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he doesn't exist? "Brian, I need you to do something for me: I need you to empty those ashes from the basement." I remember that he had asked me to do this in the past, but i can't remember when, or why or if i had actually done this before, but it made sense that it needed to be done. It was imperative: the ashes in the basement. Then a snippet came to me that there might be something wrong with those ashes in the basement: I asked my father and he told me that yes, there was something wrong with those ashes in the basement and that ethey needed to be emptied. i went down to take the coffee can filled with ash to the garbage. I left the house to dspose of it, but kept going, as this was the natural thing to do ... and i came across a man: He was naked and on the ground and i was worried about him. Said he to me "I am Jacob. Everyone knows me." Well I don't know you. Who are you? "I am Jacob. Everyone knows me. You see i am in the bible: there's a story about me: I am Jacob, everyone knows me."
-cut-
While I was being told of my incompetence, i began getting upset and behaving like a little child: i had a temper tantrum. I took off my belt and began hitting the ground with it. The dark of the woods in the middle of the night was awoken by my yelling and by the light from the side of the house. It was bright and eerily shone in the windows and burrows of all who lived in this twisted wood, but they were asleep and i was loud. I was obnoxious and my obnoxious parents were right there with me. I began whipping a knarled old tree and my mother dearest was too close to it and i knicked her arm with my leather belt and she began bleeding, but she looked at me and smiled, "See? You really are incompetant and you need us around." I apologized profusely, as i had been raised to be polite: despite their actions, my actions were inexcuseable. And then...
I looked up in the tree, as i had been hitting the tree as well. what if it was hurt? what had been awakened from within the tree? What appeared to be a tiny squirrel shot out from a large hole i had seen in the tree i had once climbed. Yes, had climbed as a child. I had never noticed that hole before, but it was very dark, and the woods were knarly this evening, twisted from my childhood. It was knarly and dark and menacing. The animal, it sped down, swirling around the branch and trunk of the tree as it sped towards the nearest safe place it knew, like a childe running from the burning house to the safety place, but my feet were there and it was dangerous: it headed straight for me, and turned for fear of what lay before it. it was brown, and had a tail and when it got close to me, it appeared bigger: a fox. Yes it was a fox for sure, now. It shot away from me into the dark and i walked a few feet over to the lighted square of pavement, lit by a lone floodlight, high up from the house, keeping my isolated in a menagerie icecream cone of light, with nothing outside bright enough to see. We continued our discussion, about incompetence and I realized that i had a coffee can in my hands... why? it was filled with ashes? "Brian, i thought i told you to get rid of that coffee can?" said my father. "You really are incompetent, my son. You need us, where would you go and how would you survive without us?"
Just then the little red fox shot back through my lighted cage, past three sets of legs and two sets of tires in the driveway square, and then out of our visible world. I saw him in my mind after he was gone. He was quick and big. He was faster than first i had seen him. It was impressive. I liked the little furry and i wanted to see if he would come back. I turned to face the way he had come and he instantly flew past me again and i saw him as he came: a wolfe. To be sure he was a wolf with dark red fun almost the color of old black red brown blood. with deep old eyes.... I had some orange tape like the kind tying off the corners of the driveway between foot high wooden stakes, a boundary and when he passed again, time slowed down and he went right past my feet. He was an atom moving in slow eliptical motion about his nucleis, I. As he approached, time slowed and i looped the tape about his neck. He was mine: captured. But he kept running, until he ran out of slack, cutting short his path, but he turned, as if he'd reached the end (apex) and began back the other way. and as he passed my legs again in slow motion, or i was sped up, i looped the tape around his kneck again, fearful that he would turn, and bite, wolfe that he was with instinct in his eyes. "Hey guys! I caught him! I have caught the wolf!" The wolf proceeded to slow and then began walking then trotting around me, seeing that I was preventing his escape. I see his realization and think i'm in danger... the light from the house goes out, but i see my wolfe in this turning of a taught pole, i move the leash, hoping he won't see me in the darkeness, and will charge at where my hand is, hopeing for a no glimpse of the silouette that is me. he pulls, and the tape stretches and i fear that i've lost him, so i follow him, hoping the tape won't break, easing some of the tension, and he turns again... and runs back and pulls the tape again, i lose hold of it, but he stops, again in the driveway square, as i'm now outside of the driveway and leans his head to lick from a spilt container directly in the light that is now back on, and i am outside... he turns to a man, fallen on the ground naked and shivering. I hurrry over to ask if he is alright, and he looks at me and says... "I am Jacob, everyone knows me." I pick up the coffee can beside him, and wonder how it got there. Then they are with me, as i help Jacob to his feet and aske him: "Who are you? I don't know you. Who are you?"
"I am Jacob, everyone knows me." I help him over to the back of the car, his muscles unable to work as he's sweaty and stiff, like a man with a fever. My father holds my arms for support instead of actually supporting the man from the wolfe to help him stand. I help him stay propped against the car and aske him again "Who are you?"
"Do you not know me? I am Jacob. Everyone knows me." His head bobs to the side, like he's unable to hold it. My mother moves in to hold his head up and face me, with her other arm, she holds onto mine, again, supporting me, to support him. odd.
"Why are you here, then Jacob? What happened to you?"
then her hand falls away, as Jacob's neck gains control of his head and he looks me right in the eyes and smiles. "I think you know why i'm here. I am Jacob, everyone knows me."
My parents nod in agreement and smile, and i look to my right, seeing the shadow of my face next to this man's against the fence. His shadow looks normal. I see me next to him, he is bigger than me. He was the size of a squirrell before... My head is there. I see the shadow. Flashes suddenly my shadow head is a gaping fish head, trying to bite the head from the man's kneck. A monster.
"I am Damned!! We are all DAmned!"
"Yes, we know." Suddenly the three of them are supporting me, or holding me, and i try to flail my arms and get away from this man who...
"Yes, you are damned. We are all damned." Looking back to the coffee cup, I shout out
"No! We fixed that! That went away! It burned! That's what's in the ashes! It is dead, it's dangerous." But there on the ground...
"I know, Brian. There-there. It's okay honey! We have just all been having lapses at the same time, needing to go out and feed.".... i see the coffee can....
"I am Jacob." He smiles at me. ....spilt on its side, ashes fallen out....
"Everyone knows me" ...where the wolf had fed, becoming a man.
The light went out. I do not know what happened next, but i imagined that I ate Jacob, and killed the innocence of me that he represented, and ingested the parasite of he, that i had removed.... and my companions held me down while i did it: ingested my own doom.
To follow are tales of a damned man. He is a man that is not me, as I myself was actually eaten that day, destroyed and died, my place stolen by the soule of a monster, the shell and influence of a man departed. Two men had lived in me and one was pure, now purely dead. The other had known him, and liked him, but not known how to be him.
Two weeks later, I read in the paper that an entire babtist congregation had been killed during mass. When two ushers returned from the church hall nearby, opening the doors for the procession, blood spilled out and ran down the steps, like a fountain. It was an inch thick across the entire stone floor. I watched them enter the church, brave souls walking down the isle to witness the carnage. The left sticky footprints in my work, as i watched from the choir loft, still feeding upon the choir director's daughter: the last living soul. Mortified and silent, she stared at me, as i held her by her neck, blood from the bite there, drooling down my hand, across her blue and white dress. Pretty little thing. Tasted good too. Back to the pair walking into hell. The hell i'd made in the Lord's house. Still alive, but only for seconds more, i knew, i raised the girl silently above my head with both arms and threw her from the choir loft. She soared into the air, and i knew the exact moment she died, as it made me stronger, the power in the young a drug for me, strength in many ways. The warm heavy yet fraile carcass struck the two of them and knocked them flat, as each screamed horrified screeches, falling into the blood. GEtting up covered in blood, Looking at what had struck them, each screamed again, as the girl lay in the blood, much of her blue and white dress still dry, and blue and white, her neck gushing and twisted at an unhuman angle, dead: a startled look frozen in her dead eyes, dead. dead. Screaming covered in blood they ran from the church like turds forcefully exiting an anus.
I laughed. That was art. But part of me wondered. why?
One night when forced from my house, for fear of the thng which once haunted me, I began to feel the need to leave my caretakers thus far- my parents.
I wanted to leave and to travel across europe in a car and was told that i needed them with me because of the many things that would go wrong and i would not be able to fix?:what if the car runs out of gas? Well, then i'll put more gas in it! But what if the car needs new brakes on those mountain roads? Well tehn I'll bloody well get new brakes! what if you put the wrong brakes on it? You need your father for that: he knows more than you can. You are incomptetant, my son.
-cut-
I roam through the house, in the night, not knowing why. I come across my father lying down in my younger brother's room. My brother is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he doesn't exist? "Brian, I need you to do something for me: I need you to empty those ashes from the basement." I remember that he had asked me to do this in the past, but i can't remember when, or why or if i had actually done this before, but it made sense that it needed to be done. It was imperative: the ashes in the basement. Then a snippet came to me that there might be something wrong with those ashes in the basement: I asked my father and he told me that yes, there was something wrong with those ashes in the basement and that ethey needed to be emptied. i went down to take the coffee can filled with ash to the garbage. I left the house to dspose of it, but kept going, as this was the natural thing to do ... and i came across a man: He was naked and on the ground and i was worried about him. Said he to me "I am Jacob. Everyone knows me." Well I don't know you. Who are you? "I am Jacob. Everyone knows me. You see i am in the bible: there's a story about me: I am Jacob, everyone knows me."
-cut-
While I was being told of my incompetence, i began getting upset and behaving like a little child: i had a temper tantrum. I took off my belt and began hitting the ground with it. The dark of the woods in the middle of the night was awoken by my yelling and by the light from the side of the house. It was bright and eerily shone in the windows and burrows of all who lived in this twisted wood, but they were asleep and i was loud. I was obnoxious and my obnoxious parents were right there with me. I began whipping a knarled old tree and my mother dearest was too close to it and i knicked her arm with my leather belt and she began bleeding, but she looked at me and smiled, "See? You really are incompetant and you need us around." I apologized profusely, as i had been raised to be polite: despite their actions, my actions were inexcuseable. And then...
I looked up in the tree, as i had been hitting the tree as well. what if it was hurt? what had been awakened from within the tree? What appeared to be a tiny squirrel shot out from a large hole i had seen in the tree i had once climbed. Yes, had climbed as a child. I had never noticed that hole before, but it was very dark, and the woods were knarly this evening, twisted from my childhood. It was knarly and dark and menacing. The animal, it sped down, swirling around the branch and trunk of the tree as it sped towards the nearest safe place it knew, like a childe running from the burning house to the safety place, but my feet were there and it was dangerous: it headed straight for me, and turned for fear of what lay before it. it was brown, and had a tail and when it got close to me, it appeared bigger: a fox. Yes it was a fox for sure, now. It shot away from me into the dark and i walked a few feet over to the lighted square of pavement, lit by a lone floodlight, high up from the house, keeping my isolated in a menagerie icecream cone of light, with nothing outside bright enough to see. We continued our discussion, about incompetence and I realized that i had a coffee can in my hands... why? it was filled with ashes? "Brian, i thought i told you to get rid of that coffee can?" said my father. "You really are incompetent, my son. You need us, where would you go and how would you survive without us?"
Just then the little red fox shot back through my lighted cage, past three sets of legs and two sets of tires in the driveway square, and then out of our visible world. I saw him in my mind after he was gone. He was quick and big. He was faster than first i had seen him. It was impressive. I liked the little furry and i wanted to see if he would come back. I turned to face the way he had come and he instantly flew past me again and i saw him as he came: a wolfe. To be sure he was a wolf with dark red fun almost the color of old black red brown blood. with deep old eyes.... I had some orange tape like the kind tying off the corners of the driveway between foot high wooden stakes, a boundary and when he passed again, time slowed down and he went right past my feet. He was an atom moving in slow eliptical motion about his nucleis, I. As he approached, time slowed and i looped the tape about his neck. He was mine: captured. But he kept running, until he ran out of slack, cutting short his path, but he turned, as if he'd reached the end (apex) and began back the other way. and as he passed my legs again in slow motion, or i was sped up, i looped the tape around his kneck again, fearful that he would turn, and bite, wolfe that he was with instinct in his eyes. "Hey guys! I caught him! I have caught the wolf!" The wolf proceeded to slow and then began walking then trotting around me, seeing that I was preventing his escape. I see his realization and think i'm in danger... the light from the house goes out, but i see my wolfe in this turning of a taught pole, i move the leash, hoping he won't see me in the darkeness, and will charge at where my hand is, hopeing for a no glimpse of the silouette that is me. he pulls, and the tape stretches and i fear that i've lost him, so i follow him, hoping the tape won't break, easing some of the tension, and he turns again... and runs back and pulls the tape again, i lose hold of it, but he stops, again in the driveway square, as i'm now outside of the driveway and leans his head to lick from a spilt container directly in the light that is now back on, and i am outside... he turns to a man, fallen on the ground naked and shivering. I hurrry over to ask if he is alright, and he looks at me and says... "I am Jacob, everyone knows me." I pick up the coffee can beside him, and wonder how it got there. Then they are with me, as i help Jacob to his feet and aske him: "Who are you? I don't know you. Who are you?"
"I am Jacob, everyone knows me." I help him over to the back of the car, his muscles unable to work as he's sweaty and stiff, like a man with a fever. My father holds my arms for support instead of actually supporting the man from the wolfe to help him stand. I help him stay propped against the car and aske him again "Who are you?"
"Do you not know me? I am Jacob. Everyone knows me." His head bobs to the side, like he's unable to hold it. My mother moves in to hold his head up and face me, with her other arm, she holds onto mine, again, supporting me, to support him. odd.
"Why are you here, then Jacob? What happened to you?"
then her hand falls away, as Jacob's neck gains control of his head and he looks me right in the eyes and smiles. "I think you know why i'm here. I am Jacob, everyone knows me."
My parents nod in agreement and smile, and i look to my right, seeing the shadow of my face next to this man's against the fence. His shadow looks normal. I see me next to him, he is bigger than me. He was the size of a squirrell before... My head is there. I see the shadow. Flashes suddenly my shadow head is a gaping fish head, trying to bite the head from the man's kneck. A monster.
"I am Damned!! We are all DAmned!"
"Yes, we know." Suddenly the three of them are supporting me, or holding me, and i try to flail my arms and get away from this man who...
"Yes, you are damned. We are all damned." Looking back to the coffee cup, I shout out
"No! We fixed that! That went away! It burned! That's what's in the ashes! It is dead, it's dangerous." But there on the ground...
"I know, Brian. There-there. It's okay honey! We have just all been having lapses at the same time, needing to go out and feed.".... i see the coffee can....
"I am Jacob." He smiles at me. ....spilt on its side, ashes fallen out....
"Everyone knows me" ...where the wolf had fed, becoming a man.
The light went out. I do not know what happened next, but i imagined that I ate Jacob, and killed the innocence of me that he represented, and ingested the parasite of he, that i had removed.... and my companions held me down while i did it: ingested my own doom.
To follow are tales of a damned man. He is a man that is not me, as I myself was actually eaten that day, destroyed and died, my place stolen by the soule of a monster, the shell and influence of a man departed. Two men had lived in me and one was pure, now purely dead. The other had known him, and liked him, but not known how to be him.
Two weeks later, I read in the paper that an entire babtist congregation had been killed during mass. When two ushers returned from the church hall nearby, opening the doors for the procession, blood spilled out and ran down the steps, like a fountain. It was an inch thick across the entire stone floor. I watched them enter the church, brave souls walking down the isle to witness the carnage. The left sticky footprints in my work, as i watched from the choir loft, still feeding upon the choir director's daughter: the last living soul. Mortified and silent, she stared at me, as i held her by her neck, blood from the bite there, drooling down my hand, across her blue and white dress. Pretty little thing. Tasted good too. Back to the pair walking into hell. The hell i'd made in the Lord's house. Still alive, but only for seconds more, i knew, i raised the girl silently above my head with both arms and threw her from the choir loft. She soared into the air, and i knew the exact moment she died, as it made me stronger, the power in the young a drug for me, strength in many ways. The warm heavy yet fraile carcass struck the two of them and knocked them flat, as each screamed horrified screeches, falling into the blood. GEtting up covered in blood, Looking at what had struck them, each screamed again, as the girl lay in the blood, much of her blue and white dress still dry, and blue and white, her neck gushing and twisted at an unhuman angle, dead: a startled look frozen in her dead eyes, dead. dead. Screaming covered in blood they ran from the church like turds forcefully exiting an anus.
I laughed. That was art. But part of me wondered. why?