in the middle of the night
it's weird, i'm having a really authentic moment right now... like i'm really inside my life, and i'm really doing what i do. i think it's because i've been surrounded by all my brothers and sisters for the past week. all seven of us. it's been different than i expected. i think on some level i thought that we'd all just connect and have a huge hug-a-thon, complete with hour long talks and walks in the park. its far from that. its messy. its funny. its farting, eating, talking shit, shoulder rubs, bullshit posturing, and crying neices. the strange thing is that i love it just the same.
my sister carmen is upstairs working. my brother gerald is passed out on the couch. my brother roger is organizing/cleaning in preparation for my mothers return from the hospital sometime this week, and i've been doing the dishes. we made chile reyenos for dinner with mi tia silvia. my house is a particular shade of comfortable - a specific brand of rouse.
i've learned so much about my family. it's made it more real, less "picture-esque," more gritty. i like it, but at the same time i'm afraid of it. what does this mean? where does this leave me? what now?
my sister carmen was bitching about living in florida. she said she feels too fucked up living away from the family. she said my dad had a lot of kids so that we would have eachother, and we wouldn't have to rely on our fucked up relatives in L.A., Chicago or Mexico. he wanted us to have a built in network.
in some ways we do, and in some ways we don't. best laid plans, right?
my sister carmen is upstairs working. my brother gerald is passed out on the couch. my brother roger is organizing/cleaning in preparation for my mothers return from the hospital sometime this week, and i've been doing the dishes. we made chile reyenos for dinner with mi tia silvia. my house is a particular shade of comfortable - a specific brand of rouse.
i've learned so much about my family. it's made it more real, less "picture-esque," more gritty. i like it, but at the same time i'm afraid of it. what does this mean? where does this leave me? what now?
my sister carmen was bitching about living in florida. she said she feels too fucked up living away from the family. she said my dad had a lot of kids so that we would have eachother, and we wouldn't have to rely on our fucked up relatives in L.A., Chicago or Mexico. he wanted us to have a built in network.
in some ways we do, and in some ways we don't. best laid plans, right?