My Thoughts
I don't know exactly why but for some reason I still can't get you out of my head. I am not sure if I still have feelings or if I just miss your presense. I always enjoy the time we spend together and I miss it. It's weird. My life right now is awesome, but I feel an empty whole. Maybe I am just lonely because I miss what we had. Maybe I just want that with anyone or someone. There were so many differences between us yet we were more alike than I thought. I do party too much, I do drink too much; more than you would like. My feelings toward this situation, which I think had a part of what happened is this: I go out and have fun with my friends. That's all, period. I do somtimes drink too much, it happens. I don't make stupid decisions when I drink and I know when to stop. In fact, I don't even like going out much. I do because I have nobody to stay in with but myself most of the time. To have a social life I feel like I must do these things. I enjoy it for the most part but I am getting more sick and tired of it every time I go out. I experience my friends trying to hook up while all I want to do is drink and have fun with my friends. So what happens? I am left alone standing around trying to find someone I know to talk to who isnt trying to be a pimp. Good times! At times of course I will dance. I love to dance as long as someone is willing to dance with me and only dance. The last few nights when I've danced with a random girl for fun she wanted to know about me and tell me I'm cute and attractive. Thanks, but no thanks lady. It does make me feel special and know if I ever wanted to change my ways I could. With reality setting in, I am not a freshman anymore, therefore I will not. Hopefully someday if nothing ever happens with us I can find a girl like you. I want to find that girl that everyone likes; my friends and family. Of course, I want her family and friends to like me. I want to find that girl who is willing to do things I will do for her; the stuff you don't want to do but you do it anyways because all that matters is that you are spending that time together. The biggest thing I want is the hardest thing: TRUST! It's hard for me to gain trust for what was happened in my past. I believe me and whomever must have trust for each other and have open and honest communication. Not much to ask, but so hard to find. Just know you are one of a kind. No matter who you end up with that guy will be one of the luckiest guys alive. Also remember no matter what happens, I've said it over and over, I'm here for you anytime you need me. I know you read these and sometimes I feel this is the only way I can talk to you, so hopefully we can actually hang out and have fun and not worry about this; put the past behind us and start over again. Clean slate! Hopefully when school starts we will have time to hang out. I want you to be one of my best friends and I know it will happen if we keep close. Well...my thoughts! Thanks :-)