Can't Be Loved
Wow...what a night
So Curt and I had a conversation last night. I told him I still had feelings for him and that it would be hard to see him with another guy. I mean, the only reason I haven't tried to pursue anything with him is because of distance. But even that hasnt stopped me in the past, and i think my feelings for him are strong enough the distance wouldnt be a problem.
Anyway, the conversation ended in his anticipating a visit from me after work. So I decided today since I didnt do anything productive that I would surprise him. I dont think he recognized me when I caught him walking out of Schnucks (his work), but he finally got a clue. Long story short, we weren't in the car 3 minutes and then his boyfriend called. JUST MY LUCK!!! His boyfriend decided to drive from WHEREVER he lived to see Curt after work...like me. So Curt dumped me at my car and went on to Wal*Mart with his boy.
Granted, I could tell that Curt probably wasnt happy him boy showed up out of the blue, but I had so much I wanted to tell curt in person...i think it always means more in person. And I kinda wanted a kiss which i guess (in a manner of speakin) would make me kinda a home-wrecker. But I would never want to do something that would put Curt in an uncomfortable position. The kiss would be mutual, or not at all.
Curt was the one person who made/makes me feel the way when I was with Johnny. Even when i was with johnny, he gave me those feelings. And for those of you who knew how in love with Johnny I was, thats a huge deal right?
This leads me to one conclusion: Its not that I cant love...its that I can't BE loved. For example, I loved Johnny, but a higher power but the obstacle of his mom finding out about him in the way. I blame that as the downfall of our relationship. Furthermore, when I want to be with Curt...his FRICKIN BF shows up. Case Closed
I really love James Scott, Shawn Meier, Erin Ghidina, and Katy Miles...they're always there when i need them
I'm sick...that sucks too
So Curt and I had a conversation last night. I told him I still had feelings for him and that it would be hard to see him with another guy. I mean, the only reason I haven't tried to pursue anything with him is because of distance. But even that hasnt stopped me in the past, and i think my feelings for him are strong enough the distance wouldnt be a problem.
Anyway, the conversation ended in his anticipating a visit from me after work. So I decided today since I didnt do anything productive that I would surprise him. I dont think he recognized me when I caught him walking out of Schnucks (his work), but he finally got a clue. Long story short, we weren't in the car 3 minutes and then his boyfriend called. JUST MY LUCK!!! His boyfriend decided to drive from WHEREVER he lived to see Curt after work...like me. So Curt dumped me at my car and went on to Wal*Mart with his boy.
Granted, I could tell that Curt probably wasnt happy him boy showed up out of the blue, but I had so much I wanted to tell curt in person...i think it always means more in person. And I kinda wanted a kiss which i guess (in a manner of speakin) would make me kinda a home-wrecker. But I would never want to do something that would put Curt in an uncomfortable position. The kiss would be mutual, or not at all.
Curt was the one person who made/makes me feel the way when I was with Johnny. Even when i was with johnny, he gave me those feelings. And for those of you who knew how in love with Johnny I was, thats a huge deal right?
This leads me to one conclusion: Its not that I cant love...its that I can't BE loved. For example, I loved Johnny, but a higher power but the obstacle of his mom finding out about him in the way. I blame that as the downfall of our relationship. Furthermore, when I want to be with Curt...his FRICKIN BF shows up. Case Closed
I really love James Scott, Shawn Meier, Erin Ghidina, and Katy Miles...they're always there when i need them
I'm sick...that sucks too