My official rant in a long time
Goddamnit I am so conflicted right now.
All I can think about is how much I'm going to hurt someone. I don't want to date, but he's really cool, but, I dunno! I'm such a terrible person and I don't want him to find out...I have so many expectations and so many standards that I feel like I am never going to go anywhere in life. I think that's why I gave up on dating. I knew this was going to happen. I'd try something, and run away from it...scared of being hurt and scared of hurting him more than getting hurt. I always get into these things. They always say I'm such this great person and I am so great and that I make things worthwhile and I'm COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE. I want to cry so bad right now because I know I'm going to hurt him. Friends is where it should be! I feel SO terrible being who I am. I don't WANT TO DATE!! I just want to stay in my little world and be ignorant to everyone and get through life without complications, then worry about being alone. ONE THING AT A TIME! JESUS! Stop the praises! Stop the flattery! I can't take it. It's so frustrating. It hurts me in some strange way. I've been so walked on in my dating life. I'm so afraid of being hurt, but more doing the hurt than being hurt. I eff everything up constantly and constantly run away at the slightest hint of like, flattery. Call me a bitch, call me lame, but please good god don't call me beautiful...
All I can think about is how much I'm going to hurt someone. I don't want to date, but he's really cool, but, I dunno! I'm such a terrible person and I don't want him to find out...I have so many expectations and so many standards that I feel like I am never going to go anywhere in life. I think that's why I gave up on dating. I knew this was going to happen. I'd try something, and run away from it...scared of being hurt and scared of hurting him more than getting hurt. I always get into these things. They always say I'm such this great person and I am so great and that I make things worthwhile and I'm COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE. I want to cry so bad right now because I know I'm going to hurt him. Friends is where it should be! I feel SO terrible being who I am. I don't WANT TO DATE!! I just want to stay in my little world and be ignorant to everyone and get through life without complications, then worry about being alone. ONE THING AT A TIME! JESUS! Stop the praises! Stop the flattery! I can't take it. It's so frustrating. It hurts me in some strange way. I've been so walked on in my dating life. I'm so afraid of being hurt, but more doing the hurt than being hurt. I eff everything up constantly and constantly run away at the slightest hint of like, flattery. Call me a bitch, call me lame, but please good god don't call me beautiful...