"They take all the taste out. It used to be the reason I'd breathe and now it's choking me up"
wow i feel like such a waste. i dedicate myself to something for 3 straight years and this is how it ends. i guess its not really the ending, i guess the start of a new beginning but it just makes me cry. i feel so out of place, and betrayed too, betrayed by one person in particular. this person (im calling the person bob cuz i dont wanna write who it actually is), well, bob has been such a good friend to me in the past. i used to really consider bob one of my best friends. lately i have felt betrayed by bob often, but never mentioned it to bob cuz i didn't really wanna start anything. anyway someoen told me in school today that last night at bob's congress interview he told the person that "i don't care who makes exec board i just really don't want beth on it". idk if it was exactly that comment but it was something to that extent. bob doesn't know i know that he said this. bob doesn't even know that he's been a really bad friend to me lately. bob really hurt me. its not like im blaming bob of the fact that i didn't get a position, i just don't know why bob tried to give me his sympathy today when obviously it wasn't heartfelt, it was completely fake. matt's away message puts it perfectly ...
"I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you"
idk how else to say that im tired of fake people who don't care about anyone but themselves and im also tired backstabbing people who make you feel like shit.
i hate fake sympathy, people asking you if you're okay when they were the ones who hoped you would be miserable anyway.
hannah said something today, it made me think about shit. she said "its not what you do, its who you know". i don't 100% agree but she has a good point.
im not mad at lee just so everyone knows and can't say "you're being a bitch". w/e im sure me being such a bitch is what cost me the position anyway.
i feel worse for hannah than me. i also feel bad for farrell. they were both on my ideal exec. i feel bad for ariella too, she was the only one who could really sympathize with me today 3rd period. im sorry chelsea and nora, if i was that board i wouldn't have you do something jacquie did as a junior. congrats to everyone who made it, you should feel proud.
today was the worst day i've had in a while. i feel so stupid for getting nervous about my interview. do you know i wasnt nervous for the ap test, i wasnt scared for the sat's but i was shaking at my interview? i guess its jsut cuz congress was so important to me, it was the only thing i cared about doing well in. well thats how im feeling, for all of you who said "are you okay" today in school, thats your fucking answer.
"I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you"
idk how else to say that im tired of fake people who don't care about anyone but themselves and im also tired backstabbing people who make you feel like shit.
i hate fake sympathy, people asking you if you're okay when they were the ones who hoped you would be miserable anyway.
hannah said something today, it made me think about shit. she said "its not what you do, its who you know". i don't 100% agree but she has a good point.
im not mad at lee just so everyone knows and can't say "you're being a bitch". w/e im sure me being such a bitch is what cost me the position anyway.
i feel worse for hannah than me. i also feel bad for farrell. they were both on my ideal exec. i feel bad for ariella too, she was the only one who could really sympathize with me today 3rd period. im sorry chelsea and nora, if i was that board i wouldn't have you do something jacquie did as a junior. congrats to everyone who made it, you should feel proud.
today was the worst day i've had in a while. i feel so stupid for getting nervous about my interview. do you know i wasnt nervous for the ap test, i wasnt scared for the sat's but i was shaking at my interview? i guess its jsut cuz congress was so important to me, it was the only thing i cared about doing well in. well thats how im feeling, for all of you who said "are you okay" today in school, thats your fucking answer.