(no subject)
Sorry i haven't been around. :| but i have had one hectic weekend, so many events leading up to everything. Whats with people. All i wanted to do it kill myself a couple times lately.
Friday, it was a wreack. Listen to this. I woke up, cause i had to go to school. and i relized i couldn't find my coat. I had left it at school or on the bus or something. But i was like,i'll just use my new and warmer coat. But my mom wouldn't have it. She wanted me to find THAT coat. I looked and looked but i couldn't find it. So she started to scream, and throw things. I really really really tried not to fight. Cause we do it soooo much. But, i coldn't hold it in anymore. I started fighting back. I can't help it i had to. Well anyway i planned a snowboarding trip this weekend and she toke that, my internet,and my computer away. Then she toke my music away, she's sending me to a private cathlic all girls school and says i'm not signing up for music, OR and talking all my instraments. plus she said i can never talked to nick EVER again.
After that it all went down hill. The look she gets on her face is sooo funny, i wanted to laugh, cry , and die. All these emotions were seging though me. I had to do something. So as soon as she walked out i got mad and triped. Accidentaly putting my foor through the wall :( I automaticly started crying. I knew that what i did was wroung. I was soo scared. She saw it the first second she came in. And i was right , she told me she would beat me to a pulp. And no one would ever know cause she'd kill me if i told. Then she didn't hit me, but she almost punched me REALLY hard. So i locked my self in my room. So she came and said to unlock it and i wouldn't cause she was scaring me. And she toke off the door knob. And it feel off on my side and i didn't know how to fix it. And she was like... if u don't come out right now i'll come though with an axe. and so i called my dad and he's like i'll be there in 15 minutes. Five minutes later she's like.. "i'm coming in" and started laughing like a maniac. Then toke a sledge hammer and started busting though the door. I was sooooo scared. Once the door was off, she made me clean it, i was crying bad, and scared.
I'm still scared, i don't think anyone understands though, like everytime talk to her or see her i start shaking. I never want to see her ever again. But she's my mom. And i know she won't do that to cossondre' so i'm trying to rough it out so cossondre' has a home. And i just... i wanna die, if it wasn't for my baby brother, cossondre', or nick, i would have done it already.
I'm to upset to tell u the rest ,like about my trip, i'll write later, bye
Friday, it was a wreack. Listen to this. I woke up, cause i had to go to school. and i relized i couldn't find my coat. I had left it at school or on the bus or something. But i was like,i'll just use my new and warmer coat. But my mom wouldn't have it. She wanted me to find THAT coat. I looked and looked but i couldn't find it. So she started to scream, and throw things. I really really really tried not to fight. Cause we do it soooo much. But, i coldn't hold it in anymore. I started fighting back. I can't help it i had to. Well anyway i planned a snowboarding trip this weekend and she toke that, my internet,and my computer away. Then she toke my music away, she's sending me to a private cathlic all girls school and says i'm not signing up for music, OR and talking all my instraments. plus she said i can never talked to nick EVER again.
After that it all went down hill. The look she gets on her face is sooo funny, i wanted to laugh, cry , and die. All these emotions were seging though me. I had to do something. So as soon as she walked out i got mad and triped. Accidentaly putting my foor through the wall :( I automaticly started crying. I knew that what i did was wroung. I was soo scared. She saw it the first second she came in. And i was right , she told me she would beat me to a pulp. And no one would ever know cause she'd kill me if i told. Then she didn't hit me, but she almost punched me REALLY hard. So i locked my self in my room. So she came and said to unlock it and i wouldn't cause she was scaring me. And she toke off the door knob. And it feel off on my side and i didn't know how to fix it. And she was like... if u don't come out right now i'll come though with an axe. and so i called my dad and he's like i'll be there in 15 minutes. Five minutes later she's like.. "i'm coming in" and started laughing like a maniac. Then toke a sledge hammer and started busting though the door. I was sooooo scared. Once the door was off, she made me clean it, i was crying bad, and scared.
I'm still scared, i don't think anyone understands though, like everytime talk to her or see her i start shaking. I never want to see her ever again. But she's my mom. And i know she won't do that to cossondre' so i'm trying to rough it out so cossondre' has a home. And i just... i wanna die, if it wasn't for my baby brother, cossondre', or nick, i would have done it already.
I'm to upset to tell u the rest ,like about my trip, i'll write later, bye