(no subject)
I cant take not being able to talk to someone who i had an awesome year with last year as one of my best friends. The worst part is im sure now it was all my fault by now and i see this person and my heart sinks cuz i realize things will never be the same as they ever were and its hurts alot. i was thinking about a lot of things today and i hate only having 3 good friends. it really sucks a lot. i wish i wasnt an asshole and i wish i could be more considerate and understanding sometimes because i ruined something that was going to be an endless time of laughing, hanging out, and just the normal friend things that are all over now and have been since early july. Carmen tells me that she does miss the old times, and i feel the same exact way. if i could go back to july and make myself refrain from totally un called for comments i could have salvaged this. its not going to happen unless i initiate it and that is the hardest part for me cuz i dont want this person to completely ignore me and block out what im saying because im wicked torn up about this and will be until it is mended. You were there for me after my Shaw's thing, you were a great friend by driving me for a whole month back when my car was totalled, and we shared great funny time from then until July. i dont even get myself sometimes and im still sickened by everything that has gone down. please forgive me from the bottom of my hopeless and stupid heart.
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