bluffin with my muffin

[bsidetales]

Um, so update before I start studying. I've actually given in to my fate, and I am willing to just study and get it over with. If I can study accurately [fuck studying for math]. Just ONE MORE DAY, and this fucking semester of death is finally over, one way or another. And even though I'm taking summer courses, at least, I will have a few weeks to

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[bsidetales]

yes. :[ fail.

Yeah, though I feel less unproductive since I have a shit ton of books to read and rather than just not reading them anyway, I'm actually pretty inspired to read, since I was farting around in the art section at school and got this huge book on Steichen the photographer. And I read the text [there's not much even though the book is huge] and felt so inspired! So now I feel like reading either:

Running with Scissors
The Awakening [finally]
Emily Bronte biography
Antigone [decided I need to reread this too]
Carson Mccullers [you should read the novella The Ballad of the Sad Cafe, btw, I just reread it and it's beautiful and so different from anything I've read, I think]

So I am doing something on my list!

I find it hard for that reason to, and I usually let the pressure get to me and keep me from turning stuff in like photography and my first drawing class [even I wasn't already behind, though usually I was]. It's one of those things that's nice to get over with, I think.

Oh are you doing okay with the assignment now? :] That would be awesome if you focused on that moment or other Gothic elements, though discussing how that moment alone relates to Rochester and Jane would be more fun! I like that you find that moment believable and beautiful, cause I feel that way too.

Do you like get out of school soon or didn't you just start back? :[ I can't remember.

[affectations]

oh cool, that book sounds so interesting, what is the text like?

That is an awesome list! Running with Scissors is one of those books that I never read fully because I had this bad habit of skim reading. haha. Okay I will read that novella when I actually do have time to read books, it sounds intriguing!

I think that's awesome though that you're doing something that forces you to express yourself and to get over that hardness/pressure. I don't think I could do that which is sad.

umm no I'm totally stuck cos IDK what to say about the moment and now I feel like I HAVE to talk about it since my teacher was saying that I should. I actually haven't even been talking much about Jane/Rochester a lot throughout my essay, I ended up saying lots about Bertha & Jane. My essay is meant to talk about Freud's idea of the uncanny in relation to the book so I have to explain why the telepathic moment is uncanny? And I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT IS. Why do you think it's beautiful and believable?
Well I think the obvious reading of it would be that it was a true communication and union of their spirits, separate from their bodies which says a lot about how Jane & Rochester are equals. Another reading I read is how it is an external manifestation of Jane's inner psyche, as it signals that she is ready to love Rochester & to become independent because the voice makes her break away from St John & his threat to her sense of self.
also it's interesting that Jane says that the voice comes from WITHIN her but later Rochester tells her that it was he who said it...So it is both internal & external, hmm that is interesting. IDK I want to say that it's something like the return of the repressed, like maybe her repressed desire for Rochester? I don't really think that works though. heh I dont think anything I just said makes sense.

No the semester is over in 3 weeks and then there's revision week & exams and I'm not looking forward to that at all so I don't want it to be the end of semester. D: Then I have a month's holidays and then school again.

[bsidetales]

Well, it's unique. Because it's written by his third wife Joanna Steichen, and so while it's just biographical information, it's a lot more interesting because it's told from her perspective and really relates him as a person rather than a public figure. It's strange cause she met him when she was 26 and he was 81, and she was utterly enthralled with him from the start. However, he kind of lost interest in her after intially marrying her and so gradually she sort of became like more an assistant than anything. It's interesting because the way he treated her kind of sucks, like he was pretty selfish, but she still stayed with him and has gone on to not only write/select photos for that book but and lecture about his work. And she spent so much time on his projects that she knows exactly how he worked, knows exactly what makes his photographs his photographs.

I don't know, that's interesting to me, because even though in some ways I have no idea you would still respect someone that hurt you even if they were remarkably talented, her writing read as though she sees his flaws, but still forgives him, loves him enough to let it go.

Also, Steichen's so interesting because he was terribly experiemental with his photgraphs and started in the 1890s and kept working til the early 70s before he died in 1973. He photographed thousands of portriats of celebrities, writers, musicians, artists, studied a single tree for a whole year via photography, did a huge exhibit where he shot people in various countries that related how all people are the same from birth to death, took photos for both world wars, etc. He did so much and was such a genius, but as Joanna says in the book, geniuses are often far more imperfect than the average man. So in a lot of ways he was very one-tract minded and egotistical, but he was beautiful and always tried new things, too.

I'm reading RwS, now. And I think it's fascinating. I love the POV and how the writer describes himself as he's growing up and his delusional tendencies as a child, because I was pretty similar in a lot of ways. I guess I relate.

I'm still very self-conscious of my drawings, though. And yes you could! I have terrible self-esteem so I think if I could, you could too.

Really what have you said about Bertha and Jane? Uncanny how, I'll have to read what Freud said about that, because I don't know what he means.

I think it's beautiful and believable because maybe it kind of finally shows that their love for another is true and strong, they are equals. Finally, Jane has found enough independence from Rochester and is more aware of what she wants and finally Rochester has let go of his pride. I think they genuinely loved each other from the start, but certain flaws in their characters kept them from being truly happy and of course the burden of Bertha hung overhead and kept them from getting along successfully. But now, they are at the same place, and they find each other again.

I don't know.

only a month, ewww.

[affectations]

wow that sounds so interesting! I think the most interesting biographies are the ones that seem so personal, that try and get to know the people. And sometimes you have that problem of you don't know how much is just guessed/made up...but you dont have that cos that's his wife and that also makes it more interesting! also that is so interesting, how she can love him and continue with his work despite his sucky treatment of her.
the exhibits he did sound so awesome like the people in various countries one, wow. that's so inspiring somehow! you always inspire me, like the way you see things and that photographer. yeah I think it's odd how all the geniuses were imperfect, like that's what it takes to be a genius??

also you should tell me about the Emily Bronte biography when you read it!

Oh I read Running with Scissors so long ago, I think I read it at an age where I didn't really get stuff so I don't think I related at all. So it could be interesting to reread it. That's awesome that you can relate, is it biographical? I can't remember.

well there's also the fact that I suck at art? haha the last time I did art was years ago in grade 10. The critique must help though with your selfconsciousness, if you're able to get through that then that's amazing.

Freud...is interesting. oh you can read it online here: http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/~amtower/uncanny.html [except it looks oddly missing footnotes and the footnotes are quite important].
I think a summary is: the uncanny is in reality nothing new or alien, but something which is familiar and old-established in the mind and which has become alienated from it only through the process of repression. This reference to the factor of repression enables us, furthermore, to understand Schelling’s definition [p. 224] of the uncanny as something which ought to have remained hidden but has come to light.

oh after talking to my teacher, I feel more confused. D: well he said my ideas sounded good but idk that makes me feel more pressure somehow like my essay should be good but I know it wont be. Also he said that my idea on the Awakening [which I'm doing my second essay on] sounded good but IDK whether it will work out.

I was talking about Gilbert & Gubar's reading of Bertha as Jane's double "she is the angry aspect of the orphan child, the ferocious secret self Jane has been trying to repress ever since her days at Gateshead", Bertha represents Jane's "hunger, rebellion and rage." I was talking about the idea of the double and how it shows how Victorian women did not know themselves.

yes that's the way I see the scene too! I think that's so interesting, that Charlotte wrote them as people who were able to love each other as equals, a spiritual union that is separate from bodies [which is so rare in that society because of how it's so patriarchal and the way women were treated, although that makes sense why Ferndean is such a dark, depressing place, like they were excluded from society because of it]. I don't think it's just mere coincidence but it was at that point that Jane was ready to go back to Rochester...oh hey that is an interesting point! but I'm sticking with my other reading of the scene.
It's so interesting how I was reading this article that was talking about Jane Eyre compared to Wuthering Heights [well only part of it was about that], how in Jane Eyre, Jane had to find a way to love Rochester without losing herself at the same time which is why she ran away from Thornfield. Because complete union with someone else meant destruction of your identity which can only happen in death, and Wuthering Heights is completely about that, about losing yourself completely in the other, how Cathy wanted to be beyond, in nature and Nelly, I am Heathcliff! And of course that's why the true union of Heathcliff & Cathy could only be in death, when their bodies turned into dust and intermingled in their grave. Anyway I thought that was such an interesting reading! IDK I just find that so interesting about negotiating the idea of loving someone while at the same time trying keeping your sense of self.

that's okay though because we dont get our long holidays until the end of the year!