People Like Us (the "Cool Motive! Still Murder" Remix) for singerdiva01-sk
Title: People Like Us (the "Cool Motive! Still Murder" Remix)
Pairing: Laura Roslin/Tom Zarek
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: off-screen rape, discussion of rape, aftermath. (Does not occur between Roslin and Zarek and the sex between them is completely consensual.)
Summary: Laura finds that she and Tom have more in common than she ever thought they would.
Original Story: Survivors by singerdiva01_sk
The minutes were ticking by far too slowly. Laura stole another furtive glance at her watch and tried not to roll her eyes. Finally, Eliadio Puasha drew to a close in his speech on the necessity of fuel distribution reform. Laura closed her folder definitively.
"Thank you, Eliadio. I think it is best if we all take time to reflect on your points, and address that the next time that we meet. Now, if there are no other matters, I move that we-"
"Excuse me, Madam President," Robin Wenutu interrupted. "There is one other matter."
"What is it, Robin?"
"We've been seeing an increase in the number of reported sexual assaults on some of the ships. Cloud 9 and the Zephyr in particular."
Laura raised her eyebrows. "A fact I wish you had brought up earlier," she said, thinking of the time that felt wasted on fuel distribution. "Do you have numbers?"
"I do." Robin began handing out sheets of paper. When Laura glanced over it, her eyebrows rose even further and her blood began to boil.
"This should not be happening," she said, trying to control her anger.
Marshall Bagot shrugged. "Unfortunately, people feel powerless. It's a textbook reaction, really."
"Textbook or not, it should not be happening, and this administration will not stand for it." Laura's mind was already blazing with ideas to put this to an immediate halt.
Bagot shrugged again, and Laura was fairly certain he muttered something, but for the sake of his health, she decided not to hear it. Tom Zarek looked up from his sheet, his face hard and impassive.
"You could put the offenders out the airlock," he said. "Show them exactly how serious you are."
A genuine suggestion or a barb? With Tom Zarek it could be either, and Laura knew that her judgement was skewed at the moment. "This will be the first matter discussed when we reconvene tomorrow," she said. "But for now, I think we should adjourn." She brought her gavel down with a decisive thump, gathered her things together, and left the room before anyone could press her with questions or demands.
When she was in her own office, silent and calm, she was able to close her eyes and force herself to relax. Her muscles unclenched and her heart slowed, and by the time Billy entered her office, she was able to open her eyes and smile wryly at him.
"Sorry to leave you to the wolves, but I had to get out of there."
Billy shrugged. "Can't say I blame you. It was a long meeting. And they saved the most pressing issue as an afterthought."
Laura rubbed her temple. "I'm not sure what made me angrier: Marshall Bagot going on about textbook cases, or Tom Zarek choosing this particular issue to mock me."
"You thought Zarek was mocking you?"
"With that airlock comment? Of course." Laura looked up at him. "You didn't think so?"
"I thought he was serious."
Laura gave a short, dry bark of laughter. "I'm sorry if I can't see Tom Zarek as a champion for rape victims."
"He was in prison," Billy pointed out.
"And hand in glove with people capable of that very crime."
"Exactly. And you know what happens in prison."
Laura snorted derisively. But when Billy didn't answer, she looked at him more closely. "Billy. You can't be serious. Tom Zarek?"
Billy shrugged. "I read a fair bit about Tom Zarek. A lot of people on Sagittaron weren't happy about what he did."
"Plenty hailed him as a hero," Laura reminded him. "Enough to elect him to the Quorum now."
Billy shrugged again. "Yes, but that's now, after time's gone by and he's had time to publish his book and become a symbol. I've seen pictures of him when he stood trial. He was pretty young. And he didn't look very strong, for a convict."
"You know this for a fact? Was it in a biography or something?"
"No. But it could have happened, right?"
Laura thought about it. "Maybe so," she finally conceded. "But you were there for his little uprising on the Astral Queen. You told me that one of his cronies nearly raped Crewman Henderson. So forgive me if I find the whole idea quite ludicrous."
"Could be. The question really is, what do we do about it?" Billy said, effectively moving on. "Do you want to work on that now, or do you need a break?"
"Let's at least go over our resources," Laura said. She said up in her chair and pulled her glasses back on as Billy sat down across from her. "I don't suppose we can get away with Tom's suggestion."
"Probably not," Billy said. "But we'll see what we can do."
***
Laura knew that it was a horrible thing to wonder about, but Billy's suspicions that Tom Zarek had been raped in prison kept popping up in her head at odd times. She hated speculating about it. For one, if it was true, it was a terrible invasion of Tom's privacy. Laura didn't like him much, but that was a boundary that she felt deserved to be respected. But worse, it made him that much more human, and despite herself, Laura felt a tug of a possible common bond.
She'd been sixteen when it had happened to her. A very different scenario, in the back of a car and after a date that had been pleasant but not wonderful. She had been caught off-guard. It had been a nightmare, but she'd had medical care after, and she'd found justice. Something like justice, anyway, until he'd gotten off after three years. But she'd done a lot of healing: on her own, with friends and family, but mostly through support groups. The bonds between survivors were real, and for Laura, they had been some strong bonds that had helped her through one of the harder times of her life.
They were all survivors now, of course, of a different kind. But the connection with survivors of sexual assault was different to Laura. It was the nod of a head, a glint in the eye, the knowledge that they'd both had their humanity taken away and torn it back, snatched it out of their attacker's hands and refused to be less than what they were. It wasn't profound and it wasn't a free pass into her affections, but it was real. And so every time she looked at Tom, she was left wondering if that bond was there, or if it wasn't. It was impossible to tell.
After a while, her curiosity was buried under realities, especially as the campaign neared and Tom became her enemy again, to the fullest extent possible without taking up arms. Settling on New Caprica would be disastrous, and no amount of imagined sympathy could make Laura believe anything other than that.
***
"Are you still angry at me?"
Laura looked up from her drink to see Tom standing by her table, wearing his leather jacket and a smile she had to admit was charming. "Excuse me?"
"Are you still angry at me for winning? Because the bar tent is packed tonight, but if I'm going to get a drink in my face for asking if I can join you, I'll just find a spot to stand."
"Oh." Laura smiled. "Well, I don't really want to waste the liquor. You're safe enough."
"Good call. Can I join you, then?"
"Only if you buy me another drink."
Tom laughed and sat down with her. Laura wasn't sure if it was the alcohol she'd already drank or if enough time had passed since the election, but she found that Tom's company wasn't as offensive as it would have been at one time. They talked for a while about their jobs- she told him about some of her students, and he got her half-laughing, half-groaning over one of the more ridiculous petitions he'd heard; a man insisting on regulation of diaper quality- an impossibility when everyone was using cloth diapers and rags.
"Do you miss it?" he asked as Laura stopped laughing. "Politics?"
"With stories like that? Not at all."
"But the other times?" Tom asked, leaning forward on his elbows. "You know it's not always like that."
Laura smiled enigmatically. "It is often enough," she said, not willing to think about the answer too hard. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"There was a Quorum meeting a long time ago, back before we found the Pegasus. Robin brought up the increase in sexual assaults, and you suggested throwing rapists out the airlock."
"I remember."
"I've always wondered, was that a deliberate jab at me?"
Tom's eyes widened with surprise. "Not at all. Are you insecure about your airlock usage, Laura?"
Laura glared at him, but without any real heat. "It just seemed out of character for you in any other way."
"Oh, really?" Tom picked up his drink, but his face had changed. It had settled into harder lines, and his eyes had lost their sparkling warmth. "You've never been so unfortunate to live in an occupied state, have you, Laura?"
Laura frowned. "You mean Sagittaron?"
"I mean Sagittaron. There were some improvements over the twenty years after, but nothing I did was ever a game. Life on Sagittaron was not good under Colonial rule."
"I see." Laura was finding this conversation a lot more difficult than she imagined. There was no trace of apology in Zarek's face, even though his acts of violence had to be in his mind as well. "So you were serious when you recommended the death penalty for rapists."
"Very. Although I admit that I didn't expect the idea to gain any traction." Tom took a sip of his drink. "What brings this up now?"
"Nothing. It just occurred to me and I was curious." Laura kept her voice light. Tom's answer had not been what she'd expected at all, and now she really did not want to dwell on the subject. She forced a smile. "But while I have you here, let me ask you another question."
"This one is about educational policy, isn't it?" Tom laughed, his face returning to normal. "I knew there was a price beyond another drink."
"Go buy them and we'll talk," Laura said, relaxing. He winked at her and went off to the bar, and Laura found herself realizing in addition to a charming smile, Tom had a rather nice ass. She raised her eyebrows and turned her attention away, amused at the observation but not in the mood do anything about it. But if she had the Vice President's ear at the moment she might as well take advantage, and Laura had every intention of making this opportunity work for her. And when Tom came back with two drinks and a smile, she suspected she was going to enjoy dipping back into politics very much.
***
You've never been so unfortunate to live in an occupied state, have you, Laura? Tom could not have known how prophetic his statement was when he'd said it months before, with a certain amount of smugness that he'd survived something she would never know. But now they were occupied, and Laura began to understand in her bones.
She hated the Cylons living here, hated the restrictions, the loss of freedoms, the fear. Despised the disappearances that grew more and more common, the deaths that happened in the streets. But the worst was the knowledge that the Cylons had their boots on the throat of humanity, and they were all at their mercy. And that still couldn't express the burning anger that haunted Laura through her days.
She was in the medical tent with Maya, taking Isis for a check-up when she saw Seelix emerge from behind a curtain. Her face was streaked with dirt and there was a dark bruise on her bicep. Cottle's face was the usual professional mask, but everything about the way Seelix held her head up defiantly and her posture made Laura suspect. When she saw Seelix two days later, with her long, beautiful brown hair hacked short, her stomach dropped. But when she realized Seelix was talking to Jean Barolay, who had also cut her hair short, something came alive in her stomach, twisting and churning and threatening to take over.
Nothing was confirmed, and Laura did not dare to ask. If she thought about what those women were enduring- what she might have to endure again… she pushed it down, pushed it back ruthlessly, because she did not have the luxury of fear. By the time the Cylons took her to the detention center the first time, she was able to shut her mind to that possibility, if only because the probability of torture and death seemed far more pressing.
She didn't often think of Tom Zarek, but if she had the chance, she would have told him that now she understood an occupied state all too well.
***
When Saul Tigh had left detention, he'd come out with long hair, a beard, a limp, and one less eye. When the Cylons thrust Tom Zarek on the truck next to Laura, his hair brushed his collar but he was clean-shaven and somewhat clean. She didn't think he'd been harmed, although when they got out of the truck and into better light, she could see the evidence of mistreatment on his face. But there was no time to wonder about it, because the Centurions were advancing and she could only thing about survival. Tyrol and his men saved them from a firing squad, and told them that Galactica was on its way.
Laura had seen the tunnels and bunkers of the insurgence, but Tom had not. His eyes widened with appreciation when they were led to safety. They both shifted to their natural roles, with Tom firing questions and being brought up to speed, and Laura falling back into her place in the resistance, checking on progress that had been made and setting up arrangements for Maya. It wasn't until things had calmed down and the others had returned to their tents, leaving Tom and Laura alone in the relative safety of the bunker, that she was able to think.
She sat down beside Tom easily. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she liked Tom on some level, and the fact that he'd defied the Cylons and been imprisoned for four months had made it easy to remember that. Sometime in the past few hours someone had brought Tom fresh clothes and soap, from the smell of him, and they sat shoulder to shoulder.
"Some operation," Tom said admiringly.
"It is."
"And you've built this all under the Cylons' nose? And Baltar's?"
Laura smiled ruefully at him. "For once, I'd delighted to hear you sounding so satisfied. Usually that tone of voice means trouble for me. It's nice to be on the same side this time."
"We've always been on the same side, Laura. We want the same thing."
"Broadly, yes. But I do seem to remember you running against me in a few elections."
"Oh. Well, if you want to define it that way…." Tom chuckled, and silence fell between them.
"Tom," Laura finally began, but Tom turned towards her at the same time, his face anxious as he caught her hands.
"Laura, did they touch you?"
Laura looked down at her wrists, surprised to see the bruising left by the zip ties. "No, I just bruise easily." The answer was automatic and honest, because she had been going to ask the same thing. "Did they-" she broke off, realizing that Tom hadn't asked did they hurt you? or are you all right?, but something else entirely.
"No," she said, slowly and clearly, with the feeling she'd been running and stopped short on thin ice. "They did not. Did they touch you, Tom?" She looked straight into his face. Tom wouldn't meet her eyes, and his hands began to tremble.
"It's an interrogation technique," he said finally, his voice cracking. "Not a new one, either. That's all it was- an interrogation technique." He laughed bitterly. "Of course, I couldn't tell them anything, so it isn't saying much to say it didn't work on me, but I also didn't agree to come back to work, so maybe it is something."
"It is more than something," Laura said, taking his hands more firmly in hers and turning to face him fully.
He didn't answer. His gaze was somewhere beyond Laura and his hands were still trembling. Laura waited, close and silent, his hands in hers until his head fell slowly onto her shoulder, his entire body hunched in defeat. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, and she was not surprised when his tears came. He said something, but it was so garbled Laura couldn't make it out. She didn't ask for clarification, she just waited.
Eventually the storm subsided, and Tom eased himself back up to sitting, wiping his face with the palms of his hands. "Can I do anything?" Laura asked.
"I don't suppose you have a tissue?" Tom asked. Laura shook her head, and Tom gave up and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket.
Laura rolled her eyes and stood up, prowling the bunker and returning with a grease-stained rag. "Here. Do it properly."
Tom laughed. "Once a kindergarten teacher, always a kindergarten teacher, huh?" He blew his nose loudly, and then looked at her so sheepishly that Laura burst into laughter. He joined her, and within moments they were both leaning against each other, laughing so hard that they couldn't quite sit upright. It was a release more than humor and Laura knew that, but then Tom blew his nose again and they dissolved back into mirth, laughing until their sides ached.
The air between them was warm and close and tired when their laughing fit subsided. Tom leaned against Laura again and she rested her head protectively against his, lightly threading her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand in appreciation, and they sat together.
"I suppose we should try to get some sleep," Tom said after a while. "It sounds like we've got a busy day tomorrow."
"Gods, I hope so." Laura found she didn't feel like discussing it though. "I think Galen brought down some blankets. It won't be very comfortable, but-"
"Better than what I've been sleeping on for the past four months," Tom said, and Laura pulled away to go find the blankets.
"They brought us four," she said, bringing the pile back to Tom. She looked at him questioningly, and he shrugged, oddly helpless. "It might be warmer if we share." Tom nodded, and they both knew that she wasn't really thinking about warmth at all. Laura hadn't been sure if Tom would want the comfort of touch or want to be alone, but her instincts apparently had proved correct. They set up the blankets and took off their shoes, and then slid in so they were lying next to each other.
"I hope you don't snore," Tom said, lying on his back and folding his arms behind his head.
Laura laughed. "No one has ever complained. Do you?"
Tom grinned at her. "I suppose I'd better give you the right to kick me now."
"I can't decide if I'm regretting this already or if this is the opportunity I've been waiting for since I met you."
"Probably both." Tom fell silent again, and Laura tried to make herself comfortable. Now that it was quiet and dark and distractions were gone, the events of earlier in the day were coming to her mind. She could still see the Centurions advancing and feel that terrible fear, hear the gunshots… and she was fairly certain her hip was sore because she'd bruised it when she'd taken Tom down the hill with her.
She wondered what was going on outside, what was going on light years away. Tigh had filled her in as much as he was going to, and she knew the basics, but it wasn't the same. Tom's breathing had evened out and she almost thought he was asleep until he spoke.
"Laura, is this real?" Tom shifted, tugging the covers. "We're really out of the detention center?"
"You really are, Tom."
"And the Galactica is really coming for us?"
"So they say." Laura found it hard to believe that was real herself, but it was.
Tom huffed a little laugh. "Never thought I'd want to kiss Bill Adama."
"I would pay good money to see that." Laura smiled into the darkness. "I'm having a hard time believing it, though. I guess I won't until it happens."
Tom turned on his side to face her. "Are you lacking faith?"
"Faith doesn't pull of rescues, Tom. There are too many ways this can go wrong."
"Laura, if it does…" he swallowed. "Shoot me."
"I-"
"I can't go back there. If this whole rescue attempt goes south, I'm done. I'll try to take care of it myself- I'd far rather go down fighting- but if for some reason I don't, promise me that you'll shoot me yourself."
He was serious, and Laura understood. She turned on her own side to face him. "How about I promise that I'll make sure someone will?"
Tom closed his eyes in gratitude. "Thank you."
Their eyes met, and Laura reached out at the same time Tom reached for her. His lips were hesitant on hers at first, but Laura had realized this was what she wanted to happen from the moment she'd offered to get the blankets.
For her, that first touch, that first encounter had come after nearly a year's worth of work. The reminder that sex could be wonderful when wanted, that it was a very different thing from violence. But she hadn't been a prisoner under an occupying force, and she'd been so much younger, and in such a different situation. But that reminder had been what she'd needed, and she'd suspected that Tom would need it now.
Her own blood ran hot as well. They'd escaped narrowly escaped death today, and Laura had been on edge ever since. As his lips touched hers she met him with a passion that she restrained out of respect for his feelings, and what she'd never confessed to imagining turned into something natural and easy.
She let Tom take the lead, following eagerly. Tom didn't speak, but his touch wasn't hesitant at all, and although they were skin to skin, Laura had the feeling that Tom wasn't letting her see what was in his mind. She didn't care. If that was what Tom needed, it was what Laura would give, at least for tonight.
Afterward they lay together, Tom's head on Laura's shoulder. "Did it help?" she dared to ask.
"It did. But I'd rather not talk about it."
"Then we won't." Laura smoothed Tom's hair under her fingers. It was finer than she'd have thought. "Do you think you can sleep?"
"Yeah." Tom pulled away from her long enough to hand her her clothes and start scrambling into his own. "Like it or not, it is cold down here," he said with an apologetic grin at her confusion. "And I'm not sure this is a scene you'd want Saul Tigh walking in on."
Laura envisioned the reaction that could bring and shook her head. "Probably not." When they were both clothed, she lay down beside him again, draping an arm over his waist. He turned so they were nestled with his back to her front, and she curled around him. Neither of them spoke, and this time, she knew that if he cried, he wanted her to pretend not to hear his tears.
But both of them slept, and were greeted with the promise of a new day and escape. And that was enough.
***
"You gave Zarek the Vice Presidency?" Bill asked incredulously.
Laura sighed. "It was one way to get him not to object. You do realize that he actually has a legitimate case for the Presidency?"
Bill snorted. "No one is going to argue with you resuming your position."
"Except Tom Zarek. It's not a route I want to take. We need to focus on what has to be done. Besides, there are no other good options."
Bill's expression said that Zarek wasn't a good option in his book, either, but he changed the subject. Laura let out a breath of relief.
What she'd told Tom was true- loyalty and bravery like he had shown deserved to be rewarded. But at the same time, Laura couldn't help feeling like Tom had been dealt a shit enough hand during the occupation. And he had been one of the few before the occupation capable of getting anything done, even though Laura hadn't wanted to admit it. And there was a bond between them now… not one Laura wanted, or that Tom wanted, but it was there. This time it was going to be different and the were going to be able to trust each other. Laura knew it.
***
It will be different this time. It was a platitude that Laura had not fallen for in a long time. She'd seen enough at a young enough age to know that it was never different this time. Not like that. So she cursed herself for falling it now as she stood looking at the mess Tom Zarek had made.
"You would have done the same," Tom told her after Bill left.
"No. I wouldn't." Laura was sure of that, and it annoyed her to see that smug expression on Tom's face.
"It might have taken you longer. It would have been more public. But the results would have been the same. You think any of those people were innocent?"
"As it happens, Tom, at least one was."
"That's what the jury was meant to do."
"They'd convicted him. They only discovered the truth by accident right before murdering him." Laura drew herself up. "I think it's best if we put out the story that your time in the detention center has left you struggling with post-traumatic stress-"
"No." Tom's face was hard, his fists were clenched. He took a step towards her. "You don't get to say that until you understand. I swore," he said in a low voice, "I swore it would never happen again." Laura stared at him in confusion until he let out a bitter bark of laughter. "Gods. You have no idea, Laura. No idea how it feels to be so powerless. To know that you had no choice, to have to succumb to their domination."
His meaning dawned on her, and Laura realized that Tom had lied to her, or at least evaded telling her the truth when he'd implied that his experience with rape had been second hand before detention. "Prison has never been kind to you, has it, Tom?" she said, standing her ground calmly in the face of his fury.
"I knew what I was doing!" Tom snarled. "When I told Baltar I wouldn't collaborate. I knew they weren't likely to shoot me then and I knew what happens in prison. Yes, I have been there. I knew, and I swore- I swore never again." His voice cracked and there was the sheen of tears in his eyes. "And knowing that as I did, I still went to prison rather than collaborate with the Cylons. Why should they walk away, when I had to pay?"
Frak. Sorrow washed over her, even through her disgust and anger. To have to go through that pain and healing twice, after promising yourself safety…. Laura closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She forced herself into his shoes, just long enough to have a glimpse, and then opened them again, her decision made. "You're wrong, Tom," she said. "I do know. I understand." She waited as the realization dawned on him.
"Of course. That's why that night-"
"It was not pity, and it was not love," Laura said firmly. "It was a connection that you needed, and that I gave of my own free will." She did not need to say it would not happen again. Tom looked embarrassed for the first time, and that told her that he already knew. "I understand, and what you have endured is beyond what anyone should have to endure."
"Then you understand why they have to die. If you had to go through it again-"
"I do understand. But that doesn't change anything. Anything except one thing." She took a deep breath. "I will not ask you to step down from the Vice Presidency." Tom drew back slightly, surprised, and Laura smiled mirthlessly. "Make no mistake. I am not trusting you, and I will be keeping an eye on you. But you are right about one thing- I do understand why you did what you did. But you've had your blood and you've had your vengeance. Now you leave these matters to me." Tom bowed his head in acquiescence. "You have an hour to move your things to the Vice President's office. I want my office back now."
"All right." The fight seemed to have drained out of Tom. "Laura, if you had been in my shoes-"
Laura put her hand on his arm one last time. "We didn't have to find out, and I thank the Gods for that. But perhaps." She pulled her hand away and then stepped back.
Tom nodded again. "Give me the hour, and I'll be out of here and into my own office." He stepped away. "I'm not going to apologize, Laura, and I am right. You're about to enter your next term of hell."
"We'll see about that." Laura started for the door. She had an idea already, but the truth was, she didn't like it much. She wasn't ready for it, and everything in her soul rebelled against it. She could only imagine how Tom would take it. But she wasn't sure that there really was any other choice.
"Laura?"
She stopped and turned. "Yes?"
"I never did say thank you. For that night." Tom spread his hands in front of him. "I know it's the last thing you want to think of right now, but it did help. So thank you."
"You're welcome." Despite her fury and her disgust now, Laura knew that that was a night she was not going to let herself regret at all. "One hour, Tom."
"One hour, Laura."
She nodded sharply and walked out. The worst thing about this, the absolute worst thing, was knowing that he was right. If she had been the one to go through what he'd gone through, she may have done the exact same thing. She knew it.
Thank the Gods she hadn't, indeed.
Pairing: Laura Roslin/Tom Zarek
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: off-screen rape, discussion of rape, aftermath. (Does not occur between Roslin and Zarek and the sex between them is completely consensual.)
Summary: Laura finds that she and Tom have more in common than she ever thought they would.
Original Story: Survivors by singerdiva01_sk
The minutes were ticking by far too slowly. Laura stole another furtive glance at her watch and tried not to roll her eyes. Finally, Eliadio Puasha drew to a close in his speech on the necessity of fuel distribution reform. Laura closed her folder definitively.
"Thank you, Eliadio. I think it is best if we all take time to reflect on your points, and address that the next time that we meet. Now, if there are no other matters, I move that we-"
"Excuse me, Madam President," Robin Wenutu interrupted. "There is one other matter."
"What is it, Robin?"
"We've been seeing an increase in the number of reported sexual assaults on some of the ships. Cloud 9 and the Zephyr in particular."
Laura raised her eyebrows. "A fact I wish you had brought up earlier," she said, thinking of the time that felt wasted on fuel distribution. "Do you have numbers?"
"I do." Robin began handing out sheets of paper. When Laura glanced over it, her eyebrows rose even further and her blood began to boil.
"This should not be happening," she said, trying to control her anger.
Marshall Bagot shrugged. "Unfortunately, people feel powerless. It's a textbook reaction, really."
"Textbook or not, it should not be happening, and this administration will not stand for it." Laura's mind was already blazing with ideas to put this to an immediate halt.
Bagot shrugged again, and Laura was fairly certain he muttered something, but for the sake of his health, she decided not to hear it. Tom Zarek looked up from his sheet, his face hard and impassive.
"You could put the offenders out the airlock," he said. "Show them exactly how serious you are."
A genuine suggestion or a barb? With Tom Zarek it could be either, and Laura knew that her judgement was skewed at the moment. "This will be the first matter discussed when we reconvene tomorrow," she said. "But for now, I think we should adjourn." She brought her gavel down with a decisive thump, gathered her things together, and left the room before anyone could press her with questions or demands.
When she was in her own office, silent and calm, she was able to close her eyes and force herself to relax. Her muscles unclenched and her heart slowed, and by the time Billy entered her office, she was able to open her eyes and smile wryly at him.
"Sorry to leave you to the wolves, but I had to get out of there."
Billy shrugged. "Can't say I blame you. It was a long meeting. And they saved the most pressing issue as an afterthought."
Laura rubbed her temple. "I'm not sure what made me angrier: Marshall Bagot going on about textbook cases, or Tom Zarek choosing this particular issue to mock me."
"You thought Zarek was mocking you?"
"With that airlock comment? Of course." Laura looked up at him. "You didn't think so?"
"I thought he was serious."
Laura gave a short, dry bark of laughter. "I'm sorry if I can't see Tom Zarek as a champion for rape victims."
"He was in prison," Billy pointed out.
"And hand in glove with people capable of that very crime."
"Exactly. And you know what happens in prison."
Laura snorted derisively. But when Billy didn't answer, she looked at him more closely. "Billy. You can't be serious. Tom Zarek?"
Billy shrugged. "I read a fair bit about Tom Zarek. A lot of people on Sagittaron weren't happy about what he did."
"Plenty hailed him as a hero," Laura reminded him. "Enough to elect him to the Quorum now."
Billy shrugged again. "Yes, but that's now, after time's gone by and he's had time to publish his book and become a symbol. I've seen pictures of him when he stood trial. He was pretty young. And he didn't look very strong, for a convict."
"You know this for a fact? Was it in a biography or something?"
"No. But it could have happened, right?"
Laura thought about it. "Maybe so," she finally conceded. "But you were there for his little uprising on the Astral Queen. You told me that one of his cronies nearly raped Crewman Henderson. So forgive me if I find the whole idea quite ludicrous."
"Could be. The question really is, what do we do about it?" Billy said, effectively moving on. "Do you want to work on that now, or do you need a break?"
"Let's at least go over our resources," Laura said. She said up in her chair and pulled her glasses back on as Billy sat down across from her. "I don't suppose we can get away with Tom's suggestion."
"Probably not," Billy said. "But we'll see what we can do."
***
Laura knew that it was a horrible thing to wonder about, but Billy's suspicions that Tom Zarek had been raped in prison kept popping up in her head at odd times. She hated speculating about it. For one, if it was true, it was a terrible invasion of Tom's privacy. Laura didn't like him much, but that was a boundary that she felt deserved to be respected. But worse, it made him that much more human, and despite herself, Laura felt a tug of a possible common bond.
She'd been sixteen when it had happened to her. A very different scenario, in the back of a car and after a date that had been pleasant but not wonderful. She had been caught off-guard. It had been a nightmare, but she'd had medical care after, and she'd found justice. Something like justice, anyway, until he'd gotten off after three years. But she'd done a lot of healing: on her own, with friends and family, but mostly through support groups. The bonds between survivors were real, and for Laura, they had been some strong bonds that had helped her through one of the harder times of her life.
They were all survivors now, of course, of a different kind. But the connection with survivors of sexual assault was different to Laura. It was the nod of a head, a glint in the eye, the knowledge that they'd both had their humanity taken away and torn it back, snatched it out of their attacker's hands and refused to be less than what they were. It wasn't profound and it wasn't a free pass into her affections, but it was real. And so every time she looked at Tom, she was left wondering if that bond was there, or if it wasn't. It was impossible to tell.
After a while, her curiosity was buried under realities, especially as the campaign neared and Tom became her enemy again, to the fullest extent possible without taking up arms. Settling on New Caprica would be disastrous, and no amount of imagined sympathy could make Laura believe anything other than that.
***
"Are you still angry at me?"
Laura looked up from her drink to see Tom standing by her table, wearing his leather jacket and a smile she had to admit was charming. "Excuse me?"
"Are you still angry at me for winning? Because the bar tent is packed tonight, but if I'm going to get a drink in my face for asking if I can join you, I'll just find a spot to stand."
"Oh." Laura smiled. "Well, I don't really want to waste the liquor. You're safe enough."
"Good call. Can I join you, then?"
"Only if you buy me another drink."
Tom laughed and sat down with her. Laura wasn't sure if it was the alcohol she'd already drank or if enough time had passed since the election, but she found that Tom's company wasn't as offensive as it would have been at one time. They talked for a while about their jobs- she told him about some of her students, and he got her half-laughing, half-groaning over one of the more ridiculous petitions he'd heard; a man insisting on regulation of diaper quality- an impossibility when everyone was using cloth diapers and rags.
"Do you miss it?" he asked as Laura stopped laughing. "Politics?"
"With stories like that? Not at all."
"But the other times?" Tom asked, leaning forward on his elbows. "You know it's not always like that."
Laura smiled enigmatically. "It is often enough," she said, not willing to think about the answer too hard. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"There was a Quorum meeting a long time ago, back before we found the Pegasus. Robin brought up the increase in sexual assaults, and you suggested throwing rapists out the airlock."
"I remember."
"I've always wondered, was that a deliberate jab at me?"
Tom's eyes widened with surprise. "Not at all. Are you insecure about your airlock usage, Laura?"
Laura glared at him, but without any real heat. "It just seemed out of character for you in any other way."
"Oh, really?" Tom picked up his drink, but his face had changed. It had settled into harder lines, and his eyes had lost their sparkling warmth. "You've never been so unfortunate to live in an occupied state, have you, Laura?"
Laura frowned. "You mean Sagittaron?"
"I mean Sagittaron. There were some improvements over the twenty years after, but nothing I did was ever a game. Life on Sagittaron was not good under Colonial rule."
"I see." Laura was finding this conversation a lot more difficult than she imagined. There was no trace of apology in Zarek's face, even though his acts of violence had to be in his mind as well. "So you were serious when you recommended the death penalty for rapists."
"Very. Although I admit that I didn't expect the idea to gain any traction." Tom took a sip of his drink. "What brings this up now?"
"Nothing. It just occurred to me and I was curious." Laura kept her voice light. Tom's answer had not been what she'd expected at all, and now she really did not want to dwell on the subject. She forced a smile. "But while I have you here, let me ask you another question."
"This one is about educational policy, isn't it?" Tom laughed, his face returning to normal. "I knew there was a price beyond another drink."
"Go buy them and we'll talk," Laura said, relaxing. He winked at her and went off to the bar, and Laura found herself realizing in addition to a charming smile, Tom had a rather nice ass. She raised her eyebrows and turned her attention away, amused at the observation but not in the mood do anything about it. But if she had the Vice President's ear at the moment she might as well take advantage, and Laura had every intention of making this opportunity work for her. And when Tom came back with two drinks and a smile, she suspected she was going to enjoy dipping back into politics very much.
***
You've never been so unfortunate to live in an occupied state, have you, Laura? Tom could not have known how prophetic his statement was when he'd said it months before, with a certain amount of smugness that he'd survived something she would never know. But now they were occupied, and Laura began to understand in her bones.
She hated the Cylons living here, hated the restrictions, the loss of freedoms, the fear. Despised the disappearances that grew more and more common, the deaths that happened in the streets. But the worst was the knowledge that the Cylons had their boots on the throat of humanity, and they were all at their mercy. And that still couldn't express the burning anger that haunted Laura through her days.
She was in the medical tent with Maya, taking Isis for a check-up when she saw Seelix emerge from behind a curtain. Her face was streaked with dirt and there was a dark bruise on her bicep. Cottle's face was the usual professional mask, but everything about the way Seelix held her head up defiantly and her posture made Laura suspect. When she saw Seelix two days later, with her long, beautiful brown hair hacked short, her stomach dropped. But when she realized Seelix was talking to Jean Barolay, who had also cut her hair short, something came alive in her stomach, twisting and churning and threatening to take over.
Nothing was confirmed, and Laura did not dare to ask. If she thought about what those women were enduring- what she might have to endure again… she pushed it down, pushed it back ruthlessly, because she did not have the luxury of fear. By the time the Cylons took her to the detention center the first time, she was able to shut her mind to that possibility, if only because the probability of torture and death seemed far more pressing.
She didn't often think of Tom Zarek, but if she had the chance, she would have told him that now she understood an occupied state all too well.
***
When Saul Tigh had left detention, he'd come out with long hair, a beard, a limp, and one less eye. When the Cylons thrust Tom Zarek on the truck next to Laura, his hair brushed his collar but he was clean-shaven and somewhat clean. She didn't think he'd been harmed, although when they got out of the truck and into better light, she could see the evidence of mistreatment on his face. But there was no time to wonder about it, because the Centurions were advancing and she could only thing about survival. Tyrol and his men saved them from a firing squad, and told them that Galactica was on its way.
Laura had seen the tunnels and bunkers of the insurgence, but Tom had not. His eyes widened with appreciation when they were led to safety. They both shifted to their natural roles, with Tom firing questions and being brought up to speed, and Laura falling back into her place in the resistance, checking on progress that had been made and setting up arrangements for Maya. It wasn't until things had calmed down and the others had returned to their tents, leaving Tom and Laura alone in the relative safety of the bunker, that she was able to think.
She sat down beside Tom easily. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she liked Tom on some level, and the fact that he'd defied the Cylons and been imprisoned for four months had made it easy to remember that. Sometime in the past few hours someone had brought Tom fresh clothes and soap, from the smell of him, and they sat shoulder to shoulder.
"Some operation," Tom said admiringly.
"It is."
"And you've built this all under the Cylons' nose? And Baltar's?"
Laura smiled ruefully at him. "For once, I'd delighted to hear you sounding so satisfied. Usually that tone of voice means trouble for me. It's nice to be on the same side this time."
"We've always been on the same side, Laura. We want the same thing."
"Broadly, yes. But I do seem to remember you running against me in a few elections."
"Oh. Well, if you want to define it that way…." Tom chuckled, and silence fell between them.
"Tom," Laura finally began, but Tom turned towards her at the same time, his face anxious as he caught her hands.
"Laura, did they touch you?"
Laura looked down at her wrists, surprised to see the bruising left by the zip ties. "No, I just bruise easily." The answer was automatic and honest, because she had been going to ask the same thing. "Did they-" she broke off, realizing that Tom hadn't asked did they hurt you? or are you all right?, but something else entirely.
"No," she said, slowly and clearly, with the feeling she'd been running and stopped short on thin ice. "They did not. Did they touch you, Tom?" She looked straight into his face. Tom wouldn't meet her eyes, and his hands began to tremble.
"It's an interrogation technique," he said finally, his voice cracking. "Not a new one, either. That's all it was- an interrogation technique." He laughed bitterly. "Of course, I couldn't tell them anything, so it isn't saying much to say it didn't work on me, but I also didn't agree to come back to work, so maybe it is something."
"It is more than something," Laura said, taking his hands more firmly in hers and turning to face him fully.
He didn't answer. His gaze was somewhere beyond Laura and his hands were still trembling. Laura waited, close and silent, his hands in hers until his head fell slowly onto her shoulder, his entire body hunched in defeat. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, and she was not surprised when his tears came. He said something, but it was so garbled Laura couldn't make it out. She didn't ask for clarification, she just waited.
Eventually the storm subsided, and Tom eased himself back up to sitting, wiping his face with the palms of his hands. "Can I do anything?" Laura asked.
"I don't suppose you have a tissue?" Tom asked. Laura shook her head, and Tom gave up and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket.
Laura rolled her eyes and stood up, prowling the bunker and returning with a grease-stained rag. "Here. Do it properly."
Tom laughed. "Once a kindergarten teacher, always a kindergarten teacher, huh?" He blew his nose loudly, and then looked at her so sheepishly that Laura burst into laughter. He joined her, and within moments they were both leaning against each other, laughing so hard that they couldn't quite sit upright. It was a release more than humor and Laura knew that, but then Tom blew his nose again and they dissolved back into mirth, laughing until their sides ached.
The air between them was warm and close and tired when their laughing fit subsided. Tom leaned against Laura again and she rested her head protectively against his, lightly threading her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand in appreciation, and they sat together.
"I suppose we should try to get some sleep," Tom said after a while. "It sounds like we've got a busy day tomorrow."
"Gods, I hope so." Laura found she didn't feel like discussing it though. "I think Galen brought down some blankets. It won't be very comfortable, but-"
"Better than what I've been sleeping on for the past four months," Tom said, and Laura pulled away to go find the blankets.
"They brought us four," she said, bringing the pile back to Tom. She looked at him questioningly, and he shrugged, oddly helpless. "It might be warmer if we share." Tom nodded, and they both knew that she wasn't really thinking about warmth at all. Laura hadn't been sure if Tom would want the comfort of touch or want to be alone, but her instincts apparently had proved correct. They set up the blankets and took off their shoes, and then slid in so they were lying next to each other.
"I hope you don't snore," Tom said, lying on his back and folding his arms behind his head.
Laura laughed. "No one has ever complained. Do you?"
Tom grinned at her. "I suppose I'd better give you the right to kick me now."
"I can't decide if I'm regretting this already or if this is the opportunity I've been waiting for since I met you."
"Probably both." Tom fell silent again, and Laura tried to make herself comfortable. Now that it was quiet and dark and distractions were gone, the events of earlier in the day were coming to her mind. She could still see the Centurions advancing and feel that terrible fear, hear the gunshots… and she was fairly certain her hip was sore because she'd bruised it when she'd taken Tom down the hill with her.
She wondered what was going on outside, what was going on light years away. Tigh had filled her in as much as he was going to, and she knew the basics, but it wasn't the same. Tom's breathing had evened out and she almost thought he was asleep until he spoke.
"Laura, is this real?" Tom shifted, tugging the covers. "We're really out of the detention center?"
"You really are, Tom."
"And the Galactica is really coming for us?"
"So they say." Laura found it hard to believe that was real herself, but it was.
Tom huffed a little laugh. "Never thought I'd want to kiss Bill Adama."
"I would pay good money to see that." Laura smiled into the darkness. "I'm having a hard time believing it, though. I guess I won't until it happens."
Tom turned on his side to face her. "Are you lacking faith?"
"Faith doesn't pull of rescues, Tom. There are too many ways this can go wrong."
"Laura, if it does…" he swallowed. "Shoot me."
"I-"
"I can't go back there. If this whole rescue attempt goes south, I'm done. I'll try to take care of it myself- I'd far rather go down fighting- but if for some reason I don't, promise me that you'll shoot me yourself."
He was serious, and Laura understood. She turned on her own side to face him. "How about I promise that I'll make sure someone will?"
Tom closed his eyes in gratitude. "Thank you."
Their eyes met, and Laura reached out at the same time Tom reached for her. His lips were hesitant on hers at first, but Laura had realized this was what she wanted to happen from the moment she'd offered to get the blankets.
For her, that first touch, that first encounter had come after nearly a year's worth of work. The reminder that sex could be wonderful when wanted, that it was a very different thing from violence. But she hadn't been a prisoner under an occupying force, and she'd been so much younger, and in such a different situation. But that reminder had been what she'd needed, and she'd suspected that Tom would need it now.
Her own blood ran hot as well. They'd escaped narrowly escaped death today, and Laura had been on edge ever since. As his lips touched hers she met him with a passion that she restrained out of respect for his feelings, and what she'd never confessed to imagining turned into something natural and easy.
She let Tom take the lead, following eagerly. Tom didn't speak, but his touch wasn't hesitant at all, and although they were skin to skin, Laura had the feeling that Tom wasn't letting her see what was in his mind. She didn't care. If that was what Tom needed, it was what Laura would give, at least for tonight.
Afterward they lay together, Tom's head on Laura's shoulder. "Did it help?" she dared to ask.
"It did. But I'd rather not talk about it."
"Then we won't." Laura smoothed Tom's hair under her fingers. It was finer than she'd have thought. "Do you think you can sleep?"
"Yeah." Tom pulled away from her long enough to hand her her clothes and start scrambling into his own. "Like it or not, it is cold down here," he said with an apologetic grin at her confusion. "And I'm not sure this is a scene you'd want Saul Tigh walking in on."
Laura envisioned the reaction that could bring and shook her head. "Probably not." When they were both clothed, she lay down beside him again, draping an arm over his waist. He turned so they were nestled with his back to her front, and she curled around him. Neither of them spoke, and this time, she knew that if he cried, he wanted her to pretend not to hear his tears.
But both of them slept, and were greeted with the promise of a new day and escape. And that was enough.
***
"You gave Zarek the Vice Presidency?" Bill asked incredulously.
Laura sighed. "It was one way to get him not to object. You do realize that he actually has a legitimate case for the Presidency?"
Bill snorted. "No one is going to argue with you resuming your position."
"Except Tom Zarek. It's not a route I want to take. We need to focus on what has to be done. Besides, there are no other good options."
Bill's expression said that Zarek wasn't a good option in his book, either, but he changed the subject. Laura let out a breath of relief.
What she'd told Tom was true- loyalty and bravery like he had shown deserved to be rewarded. But at the same time, Laura couldn't help feeling like Tom had been dealt a shit enough hand during the occupation. And he had been one of the few before the occupation capable of getting anything done, even though Laura hadn't wanted to admit it. And there was a bond between them now… not one Laura wanted, or that Tom wanted, but it was there. This time it was going to be different and the were going to be able to trust each other. Laura knew it.
***
It will be different this time. It was a platitude that Laura had not fallen for in a long time. She'd seen enough at a young enough age to know that it was never different this time. Not like that. So she cursed herself for falling it now as she stood looking at the mess Tom Zarek had made.
"You would have done the same," Tom told her after Bill left.
"No. I wouldn't." Laura was sure of that, and it annoyed her to see that smug expression on Tom's face.
"It might have taken you longer. It would have been more public. But the results would have been the same. You think any of those people were innocent?"
"As it happens, Tom, at least one was."
"That's what the jury was meant to do."
"They'd convicted him. They only discovered the truth by accident right before murdering him." Laura drew herself up. "I think it's best if we put out the story that your time in the detention center has left you struggling with post-traumatic stress-"
"No." Tom's face was hard, his fists were clenched. He took a step towards her. "You don't get to say that until you understand. I swore," he said in a low voice, "I swore it would never happen again." Laura stared at him in confusion until he let out a bitter bark of laughter. "Gods. You have no idea, Laura. No idea how it feels to be so powerless. To know that you had no choice, to have to succumb to their domination."
His meaning dawned on her, and Laura realized that Tom had lied to her, or at least evaded telling her the truth when he'd implied that his experience with rape had been second hand before detention. "Prison has never been kind to you, has it, Tom?" she said, standing her ground calmly in the face of his fury.
"I knew what I was doing!" Tom snarled. "When I told Baltar I wouldn't collaborate. I knew they weren't likely to shoot me then and I knew what happens in prison. Yes, I have been there. I knew, and I swore- I swore never again." His voice cracked and there was the sheen of tears in his eyes. "And knowing that as I did, I still went to prison rather than collaborate with the Cylons. Why should they walk away, when I had to pay?"
Frak. Sorrow washed over her, even through her disgust and anger. To have to go through that pain and healing twice, after promising yourself safety…. Laura closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She forced herself into his shoes, just long enough to have a glimpse, and then opened them again, her decision made. "You're wrong, Tom," she said. "I do know. I understand." She waited as the realization dawned on him.
"Of course. That's why that night-"
"It was not pity, and it was not love," Laura said firmly. "It was a connection that you needed, and that I gave of my own free will." She did not need to say it would not happen again. Tom looked embarrassed for the first time, and that told her that he already knew. "I understand, and what you have endured is beyond what anyone should have to endure."
"Then you understand why they have to die. If you had to go through it again-"
"I do understand. But that doesn't change anything. Anything except one thing." She took a deep breath. "I will not ask you to step down from the Vice Presidency." Tom drew back slightly, surprised, and Laura smiled mirthlessly. "Make no mistake. I am not trusting you, and I will be keeping an eye on you. But you are right about one thing- I do understand why you did what you did. But you've had your blood and you've had your vengeance. Now you leave these matters to me." Tom bowed his head in acquiescence. "You have an hour to move your things to the Vice President's office. I want my office back now."
"All right." The fight seemed to have drained out of Tom. "Laura, if you had been in my shoes-"
Laura put her hand on his arm one last time. "We didn't have to find out, and I thank the Gods for that. But perhaps." She pulled her hand away and then stepped back.
Tom nodded again. "Give me the hour, and I'll be out of here and into my own office." He stepped away. "I'm not going to apologize, Laura, and I am right. You're about to enter your next term of hell."
"We'll see about that." Laura started for the door. She had an idea already, but the truth was, she didn't like it much. She wasn't ready for it, and everything in her soul rebelled against it. She could only imagine how Tom would take it. But she wasn't sure that there really was any other choice.
"Laura?"
She stopped and turned. "Yes?"
"I never did say thank you. For that night." Tom spread his hands in front of him. "I know it's the last thing you want to think of right now, but it did help. So thank you."
"You're welcome." Despite her fury and her disgust now, Laura knew that that was a night she was not going to let herself regret at all. "One hour, Tom."
"One hour, Laura."
She nodded sharply and walked out. The worst thing about this, the absolute worst thing, was knowing that he was right. If she had been the one to go through what he'd gone through, she may have done the exact same thing. She knew it.
Thank the Gods she hadn't, indeed.