The Enemy Within

[bsg_remix_mods]

Title: The Enemy Within - Remix, by mserradaSummary: Set during the Pegasus arc, Cain gives Kara an order to execute

Comments

[shah_of_blah]

Nice work! I remember the original (I beta'd for it) but I decided not to re-read it so that I could view this one on its own. I think you've done an excellent job of getting inside Kara's head and amping up the tension, really letting us feel her frustration and uncertainty. I love that it's not just a matter of 'should she shoot the cylon,' and that it's all wrapped up in whether or not she can pull the trigger when the Old Man calls. I love that she orders the guard to leave and that she briefly considers shooting Gaius. And I really love that Lee offers to shoot Cain for her, and that Kara can't break her promise to him.

And then there's this:
Less than twelve hours from now she fully intended to follow orders and murder her commanding officer. And yet here she was, strangely thankful that she hadn’t had to kill the Cylon prisoner.

Letting the water trickle uncomfortably down her neck, Kara realized the difference.

She’d do as ordered…as long as it came from an Adama.
Wonderful--the perfect amount of self-awareness for Kara. And it's so true, also.

[mserrada]

Ha! I noticed you guessed right that I wrote this one. Was wondering if you'd recognize my style (assuming here I have one :)

Very happy the forces pulling at her and her conflicted emotions came off. I couldn't see how an order like this from Cain could be separated from the one from Adama. I love the Pegasus arc and there's so much there to work with that I don't feel that people have explored (I'm working on a long piece that closely echoes this--but months off from posting)

Thanks as always for your thoughtful R&Rs!

[shah_of_blah]

I did recognize your style. The tone/sensibility/subject matter all seemed right up your alley. Plus the short chapters are kind of distinctive. :)