crack ficlet (cracklet?)
title: (um... it's under 500 words, does it really need one?)
authors: pataka02 and rose_griffes (Pataka wrote all the funny stuff and it was her idea in the first place; Rose claims the title of chief instigator)
rating: PG
spoilers: through 3.08
summary: basestar confrontation between Baltar and Leoben
note: this started in the comments; we're reposting here to make it easier to navigate (and to fiddle with a few words).
Leoben was kneeling at the side of the hybrid's tank. Gaius was reluctant to disturb him--he found the cylon strange and off-putting. As he stepped into the room Leoben didn't look at him. The hybrid didn't either but he could feel their awareness of him. That was odd.
"The foreordained vessel caused a pestle broken."
After the hybrid's statement Leoben turned his head toward Gaius.
"He trails behind destiny entwined in blue strings."
Now Leoben glared. "You slept with Kara?!"
Gaius was unsurprised by the shrill tone, having heard it in Caprica's voice many times. But the actual statement... "What?"
"Captain Thrace," he replied, enunciating carefully and leaning forward. "You had sex with Kara."
Gaius stepped back, trying to avoid the spit. "I... uh... it was just the one time."
Leoben stood, stepping closer to Gaius as the nervous scientist tried to retreat. "You think you had the right to touch her?"
Gaius' eyes shifted warily, "Look, it was a one off thing and it wasn't even very good!"
Leoben's stare turned even more menacing, if possible.
"Okay, so yes, it was quite excellent, really, except for the fact that she called the wrong name, which honestly shows that she clearly has issues that she has yet to come to terms with..." Gaius' explanation faltered.
"Do you think you're worthy of leading her to her destiny? Do you have any idea of who she is, what she's to become? Can YOU see the patterns in the stream without becoming a part of it? I don't think so! I was made for her!" Leoben's face turned an alarming shade of red.
Gaius has never seen the Cylon so animated, and wondered what it was about Kara Thrace that made all men act like idiots. "Don't you think you're taking this too far? It's not like she wants either of us! She called out for Lee!"
"Clearly she was calling for me!"
"You? Your name's not Lee, last I checked."
"Lee happens to be short for Leoben... it's obviously a nickname. An affectionate one at that."
Gaius' expression turned to disbelief. "I think she was talking about Lee Adama."
Leoben ventured into Gaius' personal space, eventually pinning him against the wall with the force of the Cylon's body.
"Of course, who would want Lee Adama when they could have their very own Cylon, designed by God, just for them?" Gaius stammered. "Yes, it must have been a nickname... You're absolutely right. In fact, I remember her babbling on like a brook and such, talking about water and swimming and all sorts of aquatic sports. Must've been you she was calling for, clearly."
Leoben smiled in response.
authors: pataka02 and rose_griffes (Pataka wrote all the funny stuff and it was her idea in the first place; Rose claims the title of chief instigator)
rating: PG
spoilers: through 3.08
summary: basestar confrontation between Baltar and Leoben
note: this started in the comments; we're reposting here to make it easier to navigate (and to fiddle with a few words).
Leoben was kneeling at the side of the hybrid's tank. Gaius was reluctant to disturb him--he found the cylon strange and off-putting. As he stepped into the room Leoben didn't look at him. The hybrid didn't either but he could feel their awareness of him. That was odd.
"The foreordained vessel caused a pestle broken."
After the hybrid's statement Leoben turned his head toward Gaius.
"He trails behind destiny entwined in blue strings."
Now Leoben glared. "You slept with Kara?!"
Gaius was unsurprised by the shrill tone, having heard it in Caprica's voice many times. But the actual statement... "What?"
"Captain Thrace," he replied, enunciating carefully and leaning forward. "You had sex with Kara."
Gaius stepped back, trying to avoid the spit. "I... uh... it was just the one time."
Leoben stood, stepping closer to Gaius as the nervous scientist tried to retreat. "You think you had the right to touch her?"
Gaius' eyes shifted warily, "Look, it was a one off thing and it wasn't even very good!"
Leoben's stare turned even more menacing, if possible.
"Okay, so yes, it was quite excellent, really, except for the fact that she called the wrong name, which honestly shows that she clearly has issues that she has yet to come to terms with..." Gaius' explanation faltered.
"Do you think you're worthy of leading her to her destiny? Do you have any idea of who she is, what she's to become? Can YOU see the patterns in the stream without becoming a part of it? I don't think so! I was made for her!" Leoben's face turned an alarming shade of red.
Gaius has never seen the Cylon so animated, and wondered what it was about Kara Thrace that made all men act like idiots. "Don't you think you're taking this too far? It's not like she wants either of us! She called out for Lee!"
"Clearly she was calling for me!"
"You? Your name's not Lee, last I checked."
"Lee happens to be short for Leoben... it's obviously a nickname. An affectionate one at that."
Gaius' expression turned to disbelief. "I think she was talking about Lee Adama."
Leoben ventured into Gaius' personal space, eventually pinning him against the wall with the force of the Cylon's body.
"Of course, who would want Lee Adama when they could have their very own Cylon, designed by God, just for them?" Gaius stammered. "Yes, it must have been a nickname... You're absolutely right. In fact, I remember her babbling on like a brook and such, talking about water and swimming and all sorts of aquatic sports. Must've been you she was calling for, clearly."
Leoben smiled in response.