(no subject)
Life throws you curves. Get Vonage (or whatever company uses that saying).
I've been thinking, and I've been thinking hard. The past few months of my life have been more ridiculous than anything I could have ever imagined. I have changed more than I ever thought possible. I have realized more about myself in the past six months than I have in the past 18 years of my life.
I have realized who I really am. I thought I was a lot of things I'm not, and I didn't think I was a lot of things I AM. I'm self conscious. I get nervous about silly things. I find it excruciatingly scary to meet new people if I'm alone. I am a hopeless romantic, and sometimes I feel like I'll never meet anyone who appreciates it. I would do anything for the ones I love. Shit, I would do anything for ANYONE. I am bad at relationships. I tend to screw them up. I am gay. I am ok with that, but I'm not ok with the idea that my mother won't be ok with it. I can count the number of times I have prayed on one hand, and I'm ok with that. I drive too fast. I make too many jokes. I hate confrontation. But, I'm getting better at it. I'm learning to tell people what I'm really feeling, and what I really want. I'm tired of sitting back and letting people decide what happens in terms of relationships. I want a say in it, too. I am tired of feeling out of shape. I have no idea what I'm doing in college. What I want to do with my life has nothing to do with math or english. NOTHING. I can't get over the one person who has made my life amazing yet absolutely horrible for the past few months. Then there's the other one I screwed up. Maybe I should have kissed you sooner, maybe I should have said more. Either way, I didn't. I admit my problems easily enough, I just don't know how to change them. I have been in a bit of a downward spiral since Halloween. It seems like every bad thing that could possibly happen, IS. And it's happening all at once. And I'm letting it get me down. And I realize that that isn't me. I'm not one to let things get me down. I have been letting everything get to me, and it's time for me to be done with that. I'm DONE. I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going to do well in school. I'm going to have a better relationship with those that mean the most to me, because I could never forgive myself if I woke up one day and they were gone.
I'm going to be me again. And I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.
I've been thinking, and I've been thinking hard. The past few months of my life have been more ridiculous than anything I could have ever imagined. I have changed more than I ever thought possible. I have realized more about myself in the past six months than I have in the past 18 years of my life.
I have realized who I really am. I thought I was a lot of things I'm not, and I didn't think I was a lot of things I AM. I'm self conscious. I get nervous about silly things. I find it excruciatingly scary to meet new people if I'm alone. I am a hopeless romantic, and sometimes I feel like I'll never meet anyone who appreciates it. I would do anything for the ones I love. Shit, I would do anything for ANYONE. I am bad at relationships. I tend to screw them up. I am gay. I am ok with that, but I'm not ok with the idea that my mother won't be ok with it. I can count the number of times I have prayed on one hand, and I'm ok with that. I drive too fast. I make too many jokes. I hate confrontation. But, I'm getting better at it. I'm learning to tell people what I'm really feeling, and what I really want. I'm tired of sitting back and letting people decide what happens in terms of relationships. I want a say in it, too. I am tired of feeling out of shape. I have no idea what I'm doing in college. What I want to do with my life has nothing to do with math or english. NOTHING. I can't get over the one person who has made my life amazing yet absolutely horrible for the past few months. Then there's the other one I screwed up. Maybe I should have kissed you sooner, maybe I should have said more. Either way, I didn't. I admit my problems easily enough, I just don't know how to change them. I have been in a bit of a downward spiral since Halloween. It seems like every bad thing that could possibly happen, IS. And it's happening all at once. And I'm letting it get me down. And I realize that that isn't me. I'm not one to let things get me down. I have been letting everything get to me, and it's time for me to be done with that. I'm DONE. I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going to do well in school. I'm going to have a better relationship with those that mean the most to me, because I could never forgive myself if I woke up one day and they were gone.
I'm going to be me again. And I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.