#84: Dawn and the School Spirit War
Ah, Dawn. Such an individual. Dawn's all, "You've got spirit, yes you do, you've got spirit, I'll take it from you!"
Cover (courtesy the fab people at dibbly-fresh)!
So Hodges actually depicted Mimi Snowden pretty accurately, except she's supposed to be blonde. Those are some schweet red loafers you're rocking, Mimi! And her jacket reminds me of the Mr. Burns..."Like my red robin suit? It comes one breast or two!" Dawn looks quite ruddy in the cheeks...she's just pissed because SHE'S WEARING YELLOW SOCKS, DAMMIT! I think Mary Anne looks super cute, except for her fug shoes.
We open on a gray and rainy March morning. Mary Anne is sad because Logan and the (undefeated) baseball team haven't been able to practice much this season. Dawn's like, yeah, BFD, they're undefeated. But the big game against Howard Township (have we heard of them before or since?) is coming up! Any NATIVE Stoneybrooker would know what a big rivalry they have. Dawn's pissed about the dig, and thinks that Mary Anne is still kind of peeved that Dawn went back to Cali for six months. The girls go down for breakfast, and then head off to school.
Their first stop is Mallory's house. Mal has blue eyes in this book. I always remember her having brown eyes. I'm too lazy to fact check, so if someone can dispute, please do! Next, they pick up Claudia. Outfit! "Her long black hair was tucked into a wide-brimmed purple rain hat with colorful Native American designs painted along the brim. She wore a matching purple slicker with identical designs on the hem. Even her umbrella matched!" Claudia painted the authentic designs herself-she got them from a book, so you know they're real! Claud's that girl who is going to get a tattoo of a Japanese symbol that she thinks means "art" or something and really it means "I can't spell for shit." They finally pick up Jessi and Logan. At the PTA meeting the night before, Logan's parents found out that the whole month of April will be Spirit Month at SMS. Each day they'll do a different spirit activity (class colors day, clean up the school day, etc). We used to do a Spirit Week at my school and I thought that was excessive. I never thought I'd side with Dawn, but what a pain in the ass! Mallory and Dawn are skeptical about it, but the rest of the group are excited.
Chapter 2 is Chapter 2. Without outfits. The only different thing is that Stacey is no longer part of the club. She left during the last book after telling them off, and was simultaneously fired and quit. Dawn wonders how she's getting along with her "mature" friends. Mrs. DeWitt (formerly Barrett) calls, and Kristy says that they need two sitters, since there are now seven kids to sit for. Claudia and Mal take the job, and Claud says that their house is way too small, but it was the only one the DeWitts could afford in Stoneybrook. And God forbid they leave the utopia that is Stoneybrook.
At the end of homeroom the next day, Mr. Blake hands out the list of activities for Spirit Month. Dawn's looking forward to Clean Up Your School Day, the recyclable soda can collection fund-raiser, and Garden Day. Not so much looking forward to Pajama Day and Dress Up Day. Dawn thinks Color Day sounds especially queer. Each class dresses up in one color, and Dawn wonders what that proves-that you love your class? Dawn runs into Mary Anne, who is emotionally distraught about wearing her pajamas to school. Seriously, she should be put on suicide watch she's so upset. She wants to know if they have to do these things.
At lunch, Kristy is all excited about PJ day. Claudia's going to silk screen pajamas with the SMS logo. Mary Anne thinks this is cheating, as she won't have actually worn them to bed. Mary Anne's so douchey sometimes. Claud says she'll sleep in them one night so it counts. After school, Mary Anne is still upset and mopey.
April 1st comes, and Mr. Kingbridge (the assistant principal) announces that Spirit Month has been canceled. Mary Anne's all excited, but then he says, "April Fool!" Pwn3d!1!!1 Dawn and Mary Anne go to a pep rally together. Dawn thinks cheerleading's sexist. What about cheerleading squads with boys on them? And at my high school, the cheerleaders had to cheer for the girl's sports, too. What about that, huh? HUH? Anyway, after they sing the fight song, Dawn starts to feel some school spirit. Aww. Bet it doesn't last.
Thursday is Clean Up Your School Day. Mary Anne and Dawn are cleaning the tables in the science lab, and Dawn says that this is a good activity. She knows the meaning behind it, and she likes doing it. They go outside to pick up the litter, and Dawn gets all pissed about how the other students trash the school. Mary Anne says she thinks some of the garbage blows from the top of the Dumpster, and Dawn is relieved by this. Oh, Dawn. Mary Anne was just trying to make you feel better. Those kids are filthy pigs!
That night, Dawn goes into Mary Anne's room and finds her crying. Oh, for fuck's sake, Diane! I think the reason Dawn's such a bitch is because she has to put up with Mary Anne's incessant sobbing. MA thinks that she'll be being disloyal to Logan if she doesn't participate in Pajama Day. She's also worried about what the other kids will think of her. Dawn tells her not to worry, and MA says she's concerned about what the other members of the Jim Jones Club BSC think. Dawn says that Mal isn't going to wear pj's, either. Sharon comes up and says that the girls shouldn't feel forced to do anything they don't want to do. MA asks what exactly they should do, and Sharon just tells them to ignore it and wear their normal clothes. The girls both decide not to wear their pajamas, and MA feels better. This gets old supa' fast, fyi.
Claudia's speleng is extrah ahtroshus in this wun. "It's tru that the Barrett and DeWitt kids half groan close." Seriously? I had to read that sentence three times before I understood what she meant. And she knows how to use an apostrophe but can't spell "true"? Shenanigans!
Anyway, Claud and Mal are baby-sitting for the DeWitt's on Thursday afternoon. Mrs. DeWitt (who, you'll remember, is gorgeous and has a slammin' body) answers the door and looks frazzled and unkempt. The girls walk into the house and notice that it is an even bigger mess than usual. Mrs. DeWitt says that living with seven kids takes some getting used to, and Mal says she hasn't gotten used to living with eight. Mrs. DeWitt looks all panicked, and Mal's all, "JK!!!" And then Mrs. DeWitt's embarrassed. She goes upstairs to change, and Mal and Claud look for the kids.
Mal finds them in the basement. Buddy and Taylor inform her that they live down there now. There's stuff everywhere, and Mal tries to get them to clean up a little. That's unsuccessful, so Claud suggests bringing the kids back upstairs. Mrs. DeWitt comes down looking hot. Her hair's in a French twist, her makeup is on, and she's wearing a black velvet pants suit with gold jewelry. Guess where she's going? A benefit dinner? No. An anniversary dinner? Not even close. A matinee. At the cineplex. Seriously. A black velvet pants suit. At a matinee. At the cineplex.
I don't get it. I mean, this weekend is the first time I've seen people dressed up for a movie, and that was for the "Sex and the City" movie. I guess when it comes to cinema attire, I'm more of a Dawn than a Stacey or Claudia.
ANYWAY, Mrs. DeWitt gives Claudia money for pizza and takes off. Claudia proposes cleaning up the house, and Suzi protests, saying there's no where to put it all. They make piles of each kid's stuff, and we find out that Ryan sleeps in the hallway. Ryan's two, and his crib is in the hallway. Can you say "fire hazard"?!?! Why don't they just put him in a dresser drawer? How stupid is this family?! I'm appalled. Anyway, it turns out that there really is no place to put everything. The house is just way too small.
Friday morning, Dawn oversleeps. She runs downstairs to find Mary Anne in a yellow sweatshirt dress, yellow tights, and black flats. Dawn remembers that it's Class Color Day. Mary Anne's kind of apologetic and says that she just wanted to wear her new dress. Dawn doesn't blame her, and runs upstairs looking for something yellow. The only thing she finds is a pair of yellow socks. I find it hard to believe that she only has one yellow article of clothing. If I weren't so lazy, I'd go back through some of the books and try to disprove this.
Dawn runs to school and is super crabby when she gets there. She sees a blonde woman in a red pants suit interviewing students. It's Mimi Snowden! She's talking to Grace Blume, who's wearing a yellow rain slicker (even though it's not raining! Look at her spirit!). Dawn tries to sneak past her, but Mimi yells, "You! Young lady in the denim!" Nice. She asks why Dawn is only wearing yellow socks, and doesn't she have any school spirit? Dawn gets pissy, as she is wont to do, and snaps that she forgot what day it was.
Alan Gray (who has yellow balloons pinned all over his jacket and is wearing yellow plaid pants...but no yellow M&M's. Was that him or Pete Black?) comes up and is all snotty about Dawn not wearing yellow. I think it was just because my class was the most apathetic high school class ever, but no one really gave a shit if you participated or not. I think only the cheerleaders and the band participated most of the time.
On her way to class, Dawn gets dirty looks and snooty comments from three more kids, and in homeroom a kid named Bruce makes fun of her. I guess Francine Pascal wasn't the only one who had a bad experience with a guy named Bruce. Anyway, Shawna Riverson is getting assaulted with yellow construction paper by two girls named Mary and Katie. Mary Anne actually tries to get them to leave her alone, and the girls start in on Dawn. Class starts, and Katie gives Dawn and Shawna yellow paper hats. Dawn doesn't wear it.
Dawn notices that all the kids in other grades who forgot to wear their class colors are getting a hard time, too. Even Kristy and Claudia harass Dawn. Dawn notices that over at her "mature friend" table, Stacey isn't wearing yellow, but Robert (her boyfriend) is.
After the BSC meeting (Shannon and Mary Anne are baby-sitting for the DeWitt's and Mal tells them not to bring a Kid-Kit because it won't fit inside. Oh, Mal. You bring the LOLZ everytime), Dawn goes into Mary Anne's room. Guess what MA is doing? You dirty birds! She's crying, of course! She tells Dawn that she's upset about what happened at school that day. Dawn's like, "Thanks for being concerned about my feelings-" and Mary Anne's like, "Um, it's not about you. I don't care about your feelings, Dawn. Now I know that at Pajama Day, people are going to be super shitty to me, too!"
Dawn starts to have a Deep Thought ("If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."), and is interrupted by Sharon. Mimi Snowden is covering Spirit Month on the 6:30 news! She talks to a couple of kids who are dressed in their class colors, then shows Dawn saying, "I forgot what day it was!" in her "cranky" voice. They don't even show her yellow socks! Mimi says that Dawn's not typical of the high-spirited SMS students.
Sharon is hella pissed. Richard makes some jokes, and Sharon says that she's calling the station to complain about how unprofessional it was of Mimi to exploit a young person like Dawn. Mary Anne says that it's wrong, and Dawn has REAL spirit, not artificial, jerky, embarrassing school spirit. Sharon tells the girls to start a petition. Great idea!
Here's what the petition says:
"We, the undersigned, petition for the immediate elimination of School Spirit Month. We feel that the activities are dividing the student body in an unhealthy way and are sometimes even demeaning. Real school spirit is promoted by a sincere respect and concern for the well-being of all students. In calling for the end of School Spirit Month, we feel we are demonstrating our true school spirit and not some false show of meaningless zeal."
At school, Dawn brings the petition to Emily Bernstein, the editor of the SMS Express. Emily doesn't like spirit month, and promptly signs the petition. Several other students clamor to sign it. Emily's upset about how much schoolwork they're missing out on as a result of all the spirit month activities. I am surprised that the school board has approved so much time off class. Then again, this is Stoneybrook, where they live the eighth grade equivalent of Groundhog Day, so who knows. Emily volunteers to make copies of the petition. Shawna and Katie get into a big squabble in the hall, and Mary Anne realizes that this is going to turn into a huge controversy. Dawn goes to her locker and the words, "Go back to California you weirdo" are written across it in black marker. Soon enough, my friend, soon enough. "What a jerk," says a voice behind Dawn. It's Stacey. She asks to sign the petition and says she loves the word "zeal." Dawn starts to cry when Stacey walks away.
At lunch, Kristy and Claudia are bitchy to Mary Anne and Claudia. Logan's not at their table and Kristy says that he probably just didn't want to see Mary Anne. Low blow, Kristy! Guess what Mary Anne does? Yeah, she cries. Again. After lunch, the girls go to the gym for Make a New Friend Day. No one wants to be friends with Dawn or Mary Anne because of the petition (not even a plump girl!). Dawn and Mary Anne leave the gym, and Dawn ducks just in time to miss being hit by a yellow water balloon. That crafty Alan Gray!
The next day is Dress Like a Teacher Day. A lot of people wear insulting costumes (ugly masks, padded suits to look like a heavy teacher), and Dawn wonders how this is promoting school spirit. Mary Anne and Dawn are still handing out their petition, and Bruce comes up and asks Logan how he feels about his girlfriend being a traitor. Logan's just like, "Eh, she's entitled to her opinion." Bruce wanders off. Dawn gets a nasty note in her locker that says "some people could get hurt if this petition isn't stopped."
At lunch, Kristy isn't at the table with Claudia. Claud tells Dawn that she's pissing a lot of people off and that's probably why Kristy isn't there. While they're talking, Dawn gets hit with spaghetti and meat sauce. Alan Gray threw it at her and says, "Oops, I forgot...you're a vegetarian, aren't you?" Dawn's pissed. Claudia goes to throw her chocolate pudding at Alan and hits a girl wearing a "Support Spirit Month" button. There's a huge food fight, and it ends with the kids having to clean the cafeteria up themselves.
Mural Day is postponed, and instead Mr. Taylor calls an assembly to address the Spirit Month controversy. He says that attendance isn't mandatory, but most of the school shows up anyway. Dawn, Mary Anne, and Emily note that the sides of the auditorium are divided into pro-Spirit Month and anti-Spirit Month groups. Various students give bitchy speeches, and Logan finally gets up to remind everyone that Spirit Month really started to support the kick-ass baseball team. Bruce the jackass boos him to get off the stage, and the principal's like, "Um, what's your point Logan?" Logan's like, "Duh! The point is to stop fighting about Spirit Month and pay attention to the baseball team!!! I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am!" Dawn gets up and reads the petition, saying that she has 300 signatures. She goes to sit down, and someone hits her in the cheek with a rubber band. Burn!
Baby-sitting chapter. Shannon and Mary Anne are at the DeWitt's. Basically, one of the kids overheard Mrs. DeWitt saying that she was going crazy because the house was so small, and now they think they're going to have to move out of Stoneybrook. So they stage a protest with picket signs and everything. And the DeWitts come home and say that they're not moving, but they are planning something. I think they're going to sell Suzi and Buddy to a Guatemalan factory, but that might just be wishful thinking.
Monday morning, Emily tells Dawn that one of her friends at Howard Township Middle School told her that they're having the exact same issues as SMS. Their Spirit Month is causing just as many problems-they're even going to have a meeting in the gym about it! ZOMG. Dawn goes to her locker, and finds that it has been glued shut. MA has the same issue. Bastards! Dawn notices that Shawna has taped a "Kick me if you believe in Spirit Month" sign on Katie's back. The principal comes on the PA and says that there will be a parent/student meeting the following evening to try and resolve Spirit Month.
Just before the second to last period (which is the beginning of Mural Painting Day), Emily gives Dawn a note that says that all students protesting Spirit Month should meet in the cafeteria. Dawn gives a big speech about how much Spirit Month sucks, and Dawn starts to feel something-why, it's spirit! About not supporting spirit! She quickly pushes this thought out of her mind, lest she change her position and give in for the first time in her life. As she's walking out of school, she sees the mural Claud painted and thinks about how pretty it is (it's a tropical seascape type thing).
At the BSC meeting, everyone's pissy. Kristy's uber-bitchy(er than usual), and says, "[Claudia], why don't you tell Mary Anne, Dawn, and Mallory what happened today?" She's such a mom. Claudia tells the girls that someone took a rag and smeared the wet paint on her mural in three spots. It's ruined. Mary Anne says that it's a shame, and Claudia snaps at her, "Like you really care!" Again, guess what Mary Anne does? Yeah, she's STILL crying. Logan finally speaks up and says that he's bummed that none of the murals had anything to do with baseball. Claudia says that baseball isn't beautiful to paint. Logan gets pissed, but doesn't say anything.
Shannon says that she's glad her school doesn't have Spirit Month, and it turns into a fight between Kristy and Dawn. Shannon interrupts to say that she found out what the DeWitts are planning. They're building an addition onto the house! What a simple solution! Then, like, she knew they were talking about her, Mrs. DeWitt calls and needs a sitter. Mal, Jessi, Kristy, and Mary Anne are free. Kristy says she doesn't want to work with Mary Anne. Mallory says she doesn't want to work with Kristy or Jessi. So Kristy and Jessi take the job. Will the BSC ever get through this trying time?
The Spirit Month meeting with the parents does not go well. Sharon goes off on Mimi Snowden, and Mimi catches it all on camera. Katie's dad stands up and says that the kids who don't want to participate in Spirit Month need to learn that sometimes you have to follow the rules. Period. What a jackass. Alan Gray's mom proves where he got his doucheyness from when she says that if the kids can't even go along with Spirit Month, they'll start drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. I bet some of them will even start having teh sex! One of the teachers stands up and says that all these activities are really cutting into her teaching time. No one seems to respond to this, while they all clapped when Alan's mom said that their kids would turn into drunken addicts. Mr. Bruno stands up and says that everyone has forgotten to support the baseball team, and Mary Sherwood's mom yells, "Blame Mary Anne Pier and Dawn Schafer for that!" Sharon does not take kindly to this, and goes off on her. Mrs. Sherwood says that if Sharon's proud of MA and Dawn, she's not fit to be a mother, and Mrs. Pike defends Sharon. It's a big ol' mess.
After the meeting, Dawn, MA, and Sharon go home. Richard is watching the news, and he laughs at Sharon when Mimi says that Sharon nearly set off a riot defending MA and Dawn. Sharon fails to find the humor in this. Richard is kind of funny in this book. He basically makes fun of Dawn and Sharon the whole time, which is my favorite thing. In the middle of the mocking, the phone rings, and someone says, "Go back to California, freak. Go back or someone could get hurt." Seriously? What is with the school pride at SMS? First the basketball players and cheerleaders get preferential treatment, and now Dawn's getting death threats for not supporting spirit month? Lame.
Wednesday morning there are four articles in the Stoneybrook News about the Spirit Month controversy. Dawn reads the two editorials about Spirit Month. She thinks the pro-Spirit Month one is a little heavy-handed, but the anti-Spirit Month editor basically says that the kids who don't support Spirit Month are going to grow up to be apathetic losers who won't contribute positively to society. Bish, plz. Dawn Schafer is going to single-handedly save the environment! At school, the principal comes on the PA and says that Spirit Month has been canceled. Dawn's surprised to find that she is not thrilled by this. It's a hollow victory.
Kristy and Jessi are baby-sitting for the DeWitts. Their journal entry makes several shitty, back-handed remarks aimed at Dawn and Mary Anne (they call them fun-wreckers). Mrs. DeWitt is having a groundbreaking party, and a ton of kids from the neighborhood show up. The Pikes also come, and it's a little awkward between Mal and Jessi. Kristy's pissed about all the kids they're stuck watching, and thinks that she should have found a way to charge for it. It is kind of shitty-there are probably ten kids, plus the seven Pike kids, plus the seven DeWitt kids. I'd be hella pissed, too. Especially because it's noted that the parents are supposed to be watching their own kids, but once they see Jessie and Kristy, they just send them over. Anyway, the groundbreaking goes well and everyone's happy. Yay, the DeWitts can stay in Stoneybrook! And the BSC can keep perving on her bangin' bod!
That same day, Dawn is in her bedroom and hears the doorbell ring. It's Logan. He and Mary Anne start talking about Spirit Month, and Logan keeps bitching about how everyone lost sight of the fact that Spirit Month was supposed to be about the baseball team. Dawn, of course, has to barge in and tell him that he's being unfair. They bicker a little, and then Mary Anne says that she thinks everyone should be allowed to express their school spirit in their own way. MA also tells Logan that she appreciates him never getting nasty with her through all of it. Logan says, "Mary Anne, you know I-" and Dawn leaves. Is he going to say he loves her? That he's hungry? That he wants to go to second base? Do you think that he ever tries? I feel like Mary Anne's going to be a closet freak when she gets to high school. For sure in college. No one can be repressed for that long and not make up for it later.
Anyway, Dawn goes in to talk to Sharon. She couldn't help but wonder, if she wanted School Spirit Month canceled so much, why wasn't she happier? And just like that, she figured it out. (Sorry, since I saw the "Sex and the City" movie I've been rewatching a lot of episodes) After Logan leaves, Mary Anne goes in to talk to Dawn, and Dawn fills her in. She wants to draw up a proposal to reinstate School Spirit Month, but make it voluntary.
Monday morning, Dawn shows the proposal to Mr. Taylor, and he asks her to read it over the PA. I'll type a few snippets of the speech (it's really long):
"Spirit is a feeling. It's what's inside each of us. [this reminds me of "Pleasantville"-Tobey Maguire>Dawn Schafer] And what's inside can't be the same for all people. We feel things differently, and we express what we feel in different ways. With that in mind, it seems reasonable to say that while School Spirit Month was wrong for some kids, it was right for others...we propose that School Spirit Month be conducted on a voluntary basis. No one should be harassed for not participating. Neither should anyone be stopped from participating...We propose putting [the hostility] behind us and trying for a new spirit, one in which each individual is regarded as unique [Like me! The uniquest, independentest bicoastal girl EVER!]"
Kristy and Claudia are screaming and cheering for Logan like maniacs at the Howard Township/SMS game. SMS is winning! Mary Anne uses her one-dimensional personality trait and bawls. Dawn reflects on Pajama Day and thinks that, "because I didn't have to participate, I was free to enjoy the silliness of it." Dawn's such a bitch. She thinks that it's wonderful that the BSC is friends again, and if they could get Stacey back, everything would be perfect. Dawn has also learned the most contrived, naive lesson ever-the best solutions are the ones in which the most people get what they want. Dawn has never worked for a corporation.
SMS wins! Kristy catches a ball! Dawn's proud of herself! We can only guess that Mary Anne cries some more.
Cover (courtesy the fab people at dibbly-fresh)!
So Hodges actually depicted Mimi Snowden pretty accurately, except she's supposed to be blonde. Those are some schweet red loafers you're rocking, Mimi! And her jacket reminds me of the Mr. Burns..."Like my red robin suit? It comes one breast or two!" Dawn looks quite ruddy in the cheeks...she's just pissed because SHE'S WEARING YELLOW SOCKS, DAMMIT! I think Mary Anne looks super cute, except for her fug shoes.
We open on a gray and rainy March morning. Mary Anne is sad because Logan and the (undefeated) baseball team haven't been able to practice much this season. Dawn's like, yeah, BFD, they're undefeated. But the big game against Howard Township (have we heard of them before or since?) is coming up! Any NATIVE Stoneybrooker would know what a big rivalry they have. Dawn's pissed about the dig, and thinks that Mary Anne is still kind of peeved that Dawn went back to Cali for six months. The girls go down for breakfast, and then head off to school.
Their first stop is Mallory's house. Mal has blue eyes in this book. I always remember her having brown eyes. I'm too lazy to fact check, so if someone can dispute, please do! Next, they pick up Claudia. Outfit! "Her long black hair was tucked into a wide-brimmed purple rain hat with colorful Native American designs painted along the brim. She wore a matching purple slicker with identical designs on the hem. Even her umbrella matched!" Claudia painted the authentic designs herself-she got them from a book, so you know they're real! Claud's that girl who is going to get a tattoo of a Japanese symbol that she thinks means "art" or something and really it means "I can't spell for shit." They finally pick up Jessi and Logan. At the PTA meeting the night before, Logan's parents found out that the whole month of April will be Spirit Month at SMS. Each day they'll do a different spirit activity (class colors day, clean up the school day, etc). We used to do a Spirit Week at my school and I thought that was excessive. I never thought I'd side with Dawn, but what a pain in the ass! Mallory and Dawn are skeptical about it, but the rest of the group are excited.
Chapter 2 is Chapter 2. Without outfits. The only different thing is that Stacey is no longer part of the club. She left during the last book after telling them off, and was simultaneously fired and quit. Dawn wonders how she's getting along with her "mature" friends. Mrs. DeWitt (formerly Barrett) calls, and Kristy says that they need two sitters, since there are now seven kids to sit for. Claudia and Mal take the job, and Claud says that their house is way too small, but it was the only one the DeWitts could afford in Stoneybrook. And God forbid they leave the utopia that is Stoneybrook.
At the end of homeroom the next day, Mr. Blake hands out the list of activities for Spirit Month. Dawn's looking forward to Clean Up Your School Day, the recyclable soda can collection fund-raiser, and Garden Day. Not so much looking forward to Pajama Day and Dress Up Day. Dawn thinks Color Day sounds especially queer. Each class dresses up in one color, and Dawn wonders what that proves-that you love your class? Dawn runs into Mary Anne, who is emotionally distraught about wearing her pajamas to school. Seriously, she should be put on suicide watch she's so upset. She wants to know if they have to do these things.
At lunch, Kristy is all excited about PJ day. Claudia's going to silk screen pajamas with the SMS logo. Mary Anne thinks this is cheating, as she won't have actually worn them to bed. Mary Anne's so douchey sometimes. Claud says she'll sleep in them one night so it counts. After school, Mary Anne is still upset and mopey.
April 1st comes, and Mr. Kingbridge (the assistant principal) announces that Spirit Month has been canceled. Mary Anne's all excited, but then he says, "April Fool!" Pwn3d!1!!1 Dawn and Mary Anne go to a pep rally together. Dawn thinks cheerleading's sexist. What about cheerleading squads with boys on them? And at my high school, the cheerleaders had to cheer for the girl's sports, too. What about that, huh? HUH? Anyway, after they sing the fight song, Dawn starts to feel some school spirit. Aww. Bet it doesn't last.
Thursday is Clean Up Your School Day. Mary Anne and Dawn are cleaning the tables in the science lab, and Dawn says that this is a good activity. She knows the meaning behind it, and she likes doing it. They go outside to pick up the litter, and Dawn gets all pissed about how the other students trash the school. Mary Anne says she thinks some of the garbage blows from the top of the Dumpster, and Dawn is relieved by this. Oh, Dawn. Mary Anne was just trying to make you feel better. Those kids are filthy pigs!
That night, Dawn goes into Mary Anne's room and finds her crying. Oh, for fuck's sake, Diane! I think the reason Dawn's such a bitch is because she has to put up with Mary Anne's incessant sobbing. MA thinks that she'll be being disloyal to Logan if she doesn't participate in Pajama Day. She's also worried about what the other kids will think of her. Dawn tells her not to worry, and MA says she's concerned about what the other members of the Jim Jones Club BSC think. Dawn says that Mal isn't going to wear pj's, either. Sharon comes up and says that the girls shouldn't feel forced to do anything they don't want to do. MA asks what exactly they should do, and Sharon just tells them to ignore it and wear their normal clothes. The girls both decide not to wear their pajamas, and MA feels better. This gets old supa' fast, fyi.
Claudia's speleng is extrah ahtroshus in this wun. "It's tru that the Barrett and DeWitt kids half groan close." Seriously? I had to read that sentence three times before I understood what she meant. And she knows how to use an apostrophe but can't spell "true"? Shenanigans!
Anyway, Claud and Mal are baby-sitting for the DeWitt's on Thursday afternoon. Mrs. DeWitt (who, you'll remember, is gorgeous and has a slammin' body) answers the door and looks frazzled and unkempt. The girls walk into the house and notice that it is an even bigger mess than usual. Mrs. DeWitt says that living with seven kids takes some getting used to, and Mal says she hasn't gotten used to living with eight. Mrs. DeWitt looks all panicked, and Mal's all, "JK!!!" And then Mrs. DeWitt's embarrassed. She goes upstairs to change, and Mal and Claud look for the kids.
Mal finds them in the basement. Buddy and Taylor inform her that they live down there now. There's stuff everywhere, and Mal tries to get them to clean up a little. That's unsuccessful, so Claud suggests bringing the kids back upstairs. Mrs. DeWitt comes down looking hot. Her hair's in a French twist, her makeup is on, and she's wearing a black velvet pants suit with gold jewelry. Guess where she's going? A benefit dinner? No. An anniversary dinner? Not even close. A matinee. At the cineplex. Seriously. A black velvet pants suit. At a matinee. At the cineplex.
I don't get it. I mean, this weekend is the first time I've seen people dressed up for a movie, and that was for the "Sex and the City" movie. I guess when it comes to cinema attire, I'm more of a Dawn than a Stacey or Claudia.
ANYWAY, Mrs. DeWitt gives Claudia money for pizza and takes off. Claudia proposes cleaning up the house, and Suzi protests, saying there's no where to put it all. They make piles of each kid's stuff, and we find out that Ryan sleeps in the hallway. Ryan's two, and his crib is in the hallway. Can you say "fire hazard"?!?! Why don't they just put him in a dresser drawer? How stupid is this family?! I'm appalled. Anyway, it turns out that there really is no place to put everything. The house is just way too small.
Friday morning, Dawn oversleeps. She runs downstairs to find Mary Anne in a yellow sweatshirt dress, yellow tights, and black flats. Dawn remembers that it's Class Color Day. Mary Anne's kind of apologetic and says that she just wanted to wear her new dress. Dawn doesn't blame her, and runs upstairs looking for something yellow. The only thing she finds is a pair of yellow socks. I find it hard to believe that she only has one yellow article of clothing. If I weren't so lazy, I'd go back through some of the books and try to disprove this.
Dawn runs to school and is super crabby when she gets there. She sees a blonde woman in a red pants suit interviewing students. It's Mimi Snowden! She's talking to Grace Blume, who's wearing a yellow rain slicker (even though it's not raining! Look at her spirit!). Dawn tries to sneak past her, but Mimi yells, "You! Young lady in the denim!" Nice. She asks why Dawn is only wearing yellow socks, and doesn't she have any school spirit? Dawn gets pissy, as she is wont to do, and snaps that she forgot what day it was.
Alan Gray (who has yellow balloons pinned all over his jacket and is wearing yellow plaid pants...but no yellow M&M's. Was that him or Pete Black?) comes up and is all snotty about Dawn not wearing yellow. I think it was just because my class was the most apathetic high school class ever, but no one really gave a shit if you participated or not. I think only the cheerleaders and the band participated most of the time.
On her way to class, Dawn gets dirty looks and snooty comments from three more kids, and in homeroom a kid named Bruce makes fun of her. I guess Francine Pascal wasn't the only one who had a bad experience with a guy named Bruce. Anyway, Shawna Riverson is getting assaulted with yellow construction paper by two girls named Mary and Katie. Mary Anne actually tries to get them to leave her alone, and the girls start in on Dawn. Class starts, and Katie gives Dawn and Shawna yellow paper hats. Dawn doesn't wear it.
Dawn notices that all the kids in other grades who forgot to wear their class colors are getting a hard time, too. Even Kristy and Claudia harass Dawn. Dawn notices that over at her "mature friend" table, Stacey isn't wearing yellow, but Robert (her boyfriend) is.
After the BSC meeting (Shannon and Mary Anne are baby-sitting for the DeWitt's and Mal tells them not to bring a Kid-Kit because it won't fit inside. Oh, Mal. You bring the LOLZ everytime), Dawn goes into Mary Anne's room. Guess what MA is doing? You dirty birds! She's crying, of course! She tells Dawn that she's upset about what happened at school that day. Dawn's like, "Thanks for being concerned about my feelings-" and Mary Anne's like, "Um, it's not about you. I don't care about your feelings, Dawn. Now I know that at Pajama Day, people are going to be super shitty to me, too!"
Dawn starts to have a Deep Thought ("If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."), and is interrupted by Sharon. Mimi Snowden is covering Spirit Month on the 6:30 news! She talks to a couple of kids who are dressed in their class colors, then shows Dawn saying, "I forgot what day it was!" in her "cranky" voice. They don't even show her yellow socks! Mimi says that Dawn's not typical of the high-spirited SMS students.
Sharon is hella pissed. Richard makes some jokes, and Sharon says that she's calling the station to complain about how unprofessional it was of Mimi to exploit a young person like Dawn. Mary Anne says that it's wrong, and Dawn has REAL spirit, not artificial, jerky, embarrassing school spirit. Sharon tells the girls to start a petition. Great idea!
Here's what the petition says:
"We, the undersigned, petition for the immediate elimination of School Spirit Month. We feel that the activities are dividing the student body in an unhealthy way and are sometimes even demeaning. Real school spirit is promoted by a sincere respect and concern for the well-being of all students. In calling for the end of School Spirit Month, we feel we are demonstrating our true school spirit and not some false show of meaningless zeal."
At school, Dawn brings the petition to Emily Bernstein, the editor of the SMS Express. Emily doesn't like spirit month, and promptly signs the petition. Several other students clamor to sign it. Emily's upset about how much schoolwork they're missing out on as a result of all the spirit month activities. I am surprised that the school board has approved so much time off class. Then again, this is Stoneybrook, where they live the eighth grade equivalent of Groundhog Day, so who knows. Emily volunteers to make copies of the petition. Shawna and Katie get into a big squabble in the hall, and Mary Anne realizes that this is going to turn into a huge controversy. Dawn goes to her locker and the words, "Go back to California you weirdo" are written across it in black marker. Soon enough, my friend, soon enough. "What a jerk," says a voice behind Dawn. It's Stacey. She asks to sign the petition and says she loves the word "zeal." Dawn starts to cry when Stacey walks away.
At lunch, Kristy and Claudia are bitchy to Mary Anne and Claudia. Logan's not at their table and Kristy says that he probably just didn't want to see Mary Anne. Low blow, Kristy! Guess what Mary Anne does? Yeah, she cries. Again. After lunch, the girls go to the gym for Make a New Friend Day. No one wants to be friends with Dawn or Mary Anne because of the petition (not even a plump girl!). Dawn and Mary Anne leave the gym, and Dawn ducks just in time to miss being hit by a yellow water balloon. That crafty Alan Gray!
The next day is Dress Like a Teacher Day. A lot of people wear insulting costumes (ugly masks, padded suits to look like a heavy teacher), and Dawn wonders how this is promoting school spirit. Mary Anne and Dawn are still handing out their petition, and Bruce comes up and asks Logan how he feels about his girlfriend being a traitor. Logan's just like, "Eh, she's entitled to her opinion." Bruce wanders off. Dawn gets a nasty note in her locker that says "some people could get hurt if this petition isn't stopped."
At lunch, Kristy isn't at the table with Claudia. Claud tells Dawn that she's pissing a lot of people off and that's probably why Kristy isn't there. While they're talking, Dawn gets hit with spaghetti and meat sauce. Alan Gray threw it at her and says, "Oops, I forgot...you're a vegetarian, aren't you?" Dawn's pissed. Claudia goes to throw her chocolate pudding at Alan and hits a girl wearing a "Support Spirit Month" button. There's a huge food fight, and it ends with the kids having to clean the cafeteria up themselves.
Mural Day is postponed, and instead Mr. Taylor calls an assembly to address the Spirit Month controversy. He says that attendance isn't mandatory, but most of the school shows up anyway. Dawn, Mary Anne, and Emily note that the sides of the auditorium are divided into pro-Spirit Month and anti-Spirit Month groups. Various students give bitchy speeches, and Logan finally gets up to remind everyone that Spirit Month really started to support the kick-ass baseball team. Bruce the jackass boos him to get off the stage, and the principal's like, "Um, what's your point Logan?" Logan's like, "Duh! The point is to stop fighting about Spirit Month and pay attention to the baseball team!!! I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am!" Dawn gets up and reads the petition, saying that she has 300 signatures. She goes to sit down, and someone hits her in the cheek with a rubber band. Burn!
Baby-sitting chapter. Shannon and Mary Anne are at the DeWitt's. Basically, one of the kids overheard Mrs. DeWitt saying that she was going crazy because the house was so small, and now they think they're going to have to move out of Stoneybrook. So they stage a protest with picket signs and everything. And the DeWitts come home and say that they're not moving, but they are planning something. I think they're going to sell Suzi and Buddy to a Guatemalan factory, but that might just be wishful thinking.
Monday morning, Emily tells Dawn that one of her friends at Howard Township Middle School told her that they're having the exact same issues as SMS. Their Spirit Month is causing just as many problems-they're even going to have a meeting in the gym about it! ZOMG. Dawn goes to her locker, and finds that it has been glued shut. MA has the same issue. Bastards! Dawn notices that Shawna has taped a "Kick me if you believe in Spirit Month" sign on Katie's back. The principal comes on the PA and says that there will be a parent/student meeting the following evening to try and resolve Spirit Month.
Just before the second to last period (which is the beginning of Mural Painting Day), Emily gives Dawn a note that says that all students protesting Spirit Month should meet in the cafeteria. Dawn gives a big speech about how much Spirit Month sucks, and Dawn starts to feel something-why, it's spirit! About not supporting spirit! She quickly pushes this thought out of her mind, lest she change her position and give in for the first time in her life. As she's walking out of school, she sees the mural Claud painted and thinks about how pretty it is (it's a tropical seascape type thing).
At the BSC meeting, everyone's pissy. Kristy's uber-bitchy(er than usual), and says, "[Claudia], why don't you tell Mary Anne, Dawn, and Mallory what happened today?" She's such a mom. Claudia tells the girls that someone took a rag and smeared the wet paint on her mural in three spots. It's ruined. Mary Anne says that it's a shame, and Claudia snaps at her, "Like you really care!" Again, guess what Mary Anne does? Yeah, she's STILL crying. Logan finally speaks up and says that he's bummed that none of the murals had anything to do with baseball. Claudia says that baseball isn't beautiful to paint. Logan gets pissed, but doesn't say anything.
Shannon says that she's glad her school doesn't have Spirit Month, and it turns into a fight between Kristy and Dawn. Shannon interrupts to say that she found out what the DeWitts are planning. They're building an addition onto the house! What a simple solution! Then, like, she knew they were talking about her, Mrs. DeWitt calls and needs a sitter. Mal, Jessi, Kristy, and Mary Anne are free. Kristy says she doesn't want to work with Mary Anne. Mallory says she doesn't want to work with Kristy or Jessi. So Kristy and Jessi take the job. Will the BSC ever get through this trying time?
The Spirit Month meeting with the parents does not go well. Sharon goes off on Mimi Snowden, and Mimi catches it all on camera. Katie's dad stands up and says that the kids who don't want to participate in Spirit Month need to learn that sometimes you have to follow the rules. Period. What a jackass. Alan Gray's mom proves where he got his doucheyness from when she says that if the kids can't even go along with Spirit Month, they'll start drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. I bet some of them will even start having teh sex! One of the teachers stands up and says that all these activities are really cutting into her teaching time. No one seems to respond to this, while they all clapped when Alan's mom said that their kids would turn into drunken addicts. Mr. Bruno stands up and says that everyone has forgotten to support the baseball team, and Mary Sherwood's mom yells, "Blame Mary Anne Pier and Dawn Schafer for that!" Sharon does not take kindly to this, and goes off on her. Mrs. Sherwood says that if Sharon's proud of MA and Dawn, she's not fit to be a mother, and Mrs. Pike defends Sharon. It's a big ol' mess.
After the meeting, Dawn, MA, and Sharon go home. Richard is watching the news, and he laughs at Sharon when Mimi says that Sharon nearly set off a riot defending MA and Dawn. Sharon fails to find the humor in this. Richard is kind of funny in this book. He basically makes fun of Dawn and Sharon the whole time, which is my favorite thing. In the middle of the mocking, the phone rings, and someone says, "Go back to California, freak. Go back or someone could get hurt." Seriously? What is with the school pride at SMS? First the basketball players and cheerleaders get preferential treatment, and now Dawn's getting death threats for not supporting spirit month? Lame.
Wednesday morning there are four articles in the Stoneybrook News about the Spirit Month controversy. Dawn reads the two editorials about Spirit Month. She thinks the pro-Spirit Month one is a little heavy-handed, but the anti-Spirit Month editor basically says that the kids who don't support Spirit Month are going to grow up to be apathetic losers who won't contribute positively to society. Bish, plz. Dawn Schafer is going to single-handedly save the environment! At school, the principal comes on the PA and says that Spirit Month has been canceled. Dawn's surprised to find that she is not thrilled by this. It's a hollow victory.
Kristy and Jessi are baby-sitting for the DeWitts. Their journal entry makes several shitty, back-handed remarks aimed at Dawn and Mary Anne (they call them fun-wreckers). Mrs. DeWitt is having a groundbreaking party, and a ton of kids from the neighborhood show up. The Pikes also come, and it's a little awkward between Mal and Jessi. Kristy's pissed about all the kids they're stuck watching, and thinks that she should have found a way to charge for it. It is kind of shitty-there are probably ten kids, plus the seven Pike kids, plus the seven DeWitt kids. I'd be hella pissed, too. Especially because it's noted that the parents are supposed to be watching their own kids, but once they see Jessie and Kristy, they just send them over. Anyway, the groundbreaking goes well and everyone's happy. Yay, the DeWitts can stay in Stoneybrook! And the BSC can keep perving on her bangin' bod!
That same day, Dawn is in her bedroom and hears the doorbell ring. It's Logan. He and Mary Anne start talking about Spirit Month, and Logan keeps bitching about how everyone lost sight of the fact that Spirit Month was supposed to be about the baseball team. Dawn, of course, has to barge in and tell him that he's being unfair. They bicker a little, and then Mary Anne says that she thinks everyone should be allowed to express their school spirit in their own way. MA also tells Logan that she appreciates him never getting nasty with her through all of it. Logan says, "Mary Anne, you know I-" and Dawn leaves. Is he going to say he loves her? That he's hungry? That he wants to go to second base? Do you think that he ever tries? I feel like Mary Anne's going to be a closet freak when she gets to high school. For sure in college. No one can be repressed for that long and not make up for it later.
Anyway, Dawn goes in to talk to Sharon. She couldn't help but wonder, if she wanted School Spirit Month canceled so much, why wasn't she happier? And just like that, she figured it out. (Sorry, since I saw the "Sex and the City" movie I've been rewatching a lot of episodes) After Logan leaves, Mary Anne goes in to talk to Dawn, and Dawn fills her in. She wants to draw up a proposal to reinstate School Spirit Month, but make it voluntary.
Monday morning, Dawn shows the proposal to Mr. Taylor, and he asks her to read it over the PA. I'll type a few snippets of the speech (it's really long):
"Spirit is a feeling. It's what's inside each of us. [this reminds me of "Pleasantville"-Tobey Maguire>Dawn Schafer] And what's inside can't be the same for all people. We feel things differently, and we express what we feel in different ways. With that in mind, it seems reasonable to say that while School Spirit Month was wrong for some kids, it was right for others...we propose that School Spirit Month be conducted on a voluntary basis. No one should be harassed for not participating. Neither should anyone be stopped from participating...We propose putting [the hostility] behind us and trying for a new spirit, one in which each individual is regarded as unique [Like me! The uniquest, independentest bicoastal girl EVER!]"
Kristy and Claudia are screaming and cheering for Logan like maniacs at the Howard Township/SMS game. SMS is winning! Mary Anne uses her one-dimensional personality trait and bawls. Dawn reflects on Pajama Day and thinks that, "because I didn't have to participate, I was free to enjoy the silliness of it." Dawn's such a bitch. She thinks that it's wonderful that the BSC is friends again, and if they could get Stacey back, everything would be perfect. Dawn has also learned the most contrived, naive lesson ever-the best solutions are the ones in which the most people get what they want. Dawn has never worked for a corporation.
SMS wins! Kristy catches a ball! Dawn's proud of herself! We can only guess that Mary Anne cries some more.