Jessi Ramsey! Pet Sitter! Part The End!
Greeting, my dears! Well, even though I'm stewing in my own juices, I had the need to snark! And lemme tell you, the whole time I was working on this snark, Spoopy was playing with her...presents in her litter box. I think that was her way of commenting on the quality of this book. I kept yelling at her, 'Stop playing with poops!' which she'd reply 'You first!' See, Ann? Even cats can sense bullshit. Well, let's go!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Jessi wakes up Saturday morning feeling nervous. She says the BSC means a lot to her because they're accepting of her race. And I can't fault her that. Being around white people does feel uncomfortable at times. My uncle's ex was white and we were always stiff around her and her family. Jessi goes downstairs and decides it's not too early to call Mal. They talk a bit but still don't know who to vote for. Please, girls, this is easy! Make Claudia president and make K Ron the Gollum (her checklist is Precious). Jessi goes to the kitchen and tells her mom about the elections. She asks her mom who she should vote for and she says she can't tell her that. She tells her to just go with who she feels best suits their office. Like making Claudia president and K Ron the Igor.
Jessi goes to the Mancusis and thinks over who to vote for. She thinks over treasurer and says Claudia can't do it because she's stupid and Mary Anne is a good secretary which just leaves K Ron. But she can't see K Ron as treasurer. Why? She can count. She can add. You what she can't do? Run the club like a decent person. Stop thinking that just because she came up with the club, she's best suited as president. She's not. Bullying your friends doesn't make you a good leader, it makes you a bully. K Ron has shown zero leadership qualities. All she's shown is that she likes to boss people around and make herself feel big. Jessi also says K Ron can't be vice president because she can't answer the phone at non meeting times and they'd have to move headquarters. Personally, I think that's more of responsibilities of a president, so make Claudia president. Claudia is far more suited for the job. We know she can take charge and be level headed because she did when they were stranded on that island. K Ron wouldn't have done that. She'd be to busy making sure everyone knew she was in charge.
Since Jessi failed critical thinking, she can't think of how to vote. She takes care of the animals and when she moves on to the hamsters, Mr Fat Outcast hamster wakes up. She goes to stroke him and he tries to bite her. That makes her think their must be something really wrong with him and calls her mom. Jessi asks her to drive them to the vet and she says okay. Jessi looks at the clock and realizes she's gonna miss the voting meeting but she has no choice. Um, just call and say 'Anyone but Kristy of president. The king is dead. Long live the king.'
Chapter 12!
Jessi wonders how to move the hamster in case he's hurt. She's pretty smart about it, finding a can and putting it next to the hamster for him to crawl inside then moving the can to a prepared shoe box. Mrs Ramsey arrives and they drive to the vet. In the vet's office Mrs R lets out a scream because a boy is there with his boa. What a pansy. Like I said, I'm not afraid of snakes, but there are animals I am afraid of. Yet I've never managed to honest to God scream about it. Somehow, Mrs R manages not to faint and Jessi goes to the receptionist to explain the situation. She says there'll be a wait and Jessi sits back down, thinking she'll miss the meeting for sure. They wait around and a little girl comes in with a kitten named Igga-bogga which is a great name for a cat. Jessi says she'd name it Misty or Creampuff and stop shitting on the little girl's cute name. Igga-bogga is certain to get more squeals of delight from people. I speak from experience. I've had cats win 'Best Name' certificates from their vets.
Jessi starts thinking about missing the meeting and thinks the healthy thought of how much she hates upsetting K Ron. 'Emotional abuse! Fun for all ages!' says Ann! Again, if you think not doing what your 'friend' demands of you makes you the bad person, find some new fucking friends. And honestly, I'd be surprised if K Ron isn't pleased by this development because she doesn't want to be overthrown. She'd probably like to delay this till the Rapture. And then you know, take Earth from Satan. 'Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, 5:30, on the dot'.
Jessi finally gets called up and as the Dr is examining the hamster, she up and leaves!
All that talk about 'responsibility' to the Mancusis pets (yeah, that's a laugh) and she doesn't even stay around for the examination?! Oh, ho ho ho ho ho! NO! You see, her real responsibility is to cower before K Ron the Unequal! She calls her and tells her she won't be able to make the meeting so can they please reschedule it? I hope K Ron is shitting her breeches thinking Jessi wants to make sure she's overthrown. That's why I'd make sure to attend.
Kristy is level headed about it probably thinking of the time Louie cut his paw and she got blamed for Karen ruining the car. Jessi goes back to the examination room and is it me? I wouldn't be allowed to wander the vets office. When you leave the room, you can't just walk back in. Maybe at my new vets where the examination rooms are out front but not the kinds that are in the back like this one is. Anyways, Jessi finds out that the hamster is pregnant. She takes her home and gives her the name of Misty because that's what she'd name a white kitten? Even as a kid, that was confusing. The hamster isn't white, it's beige. Anything is a better name than that. Put your hamster name in the replies. Personally, I'd go with Sunflower Or Purin.
Chapter 13!
Sunday, the last day before the Mancusis arrive, and Jessi rushes to check on Misty. She still hasn't had her babies which makes Jessi disappointed. She does her chores than heads for Mallory's house so they can walk to the meeting together. Mal asks if the hamster had her babies yet and Jessi tells her not yet. Mal suggests they check after the meeting and Jessi says the whole club can come! Have you learned nothing, Ramsey?! Last time you had a BSC member over, an animal got loose, you fucking moron!
When they get to the meeting, K Ron actually asks about Misty. Jessi tells them what's going on with her and they all get excited for some reason. It's not like it's their pet. K Ron brings the baby shower to an end and says it's time to vote. She says she made the ballots with each office and their names and they just put a check by who they vote for. She also says they won't be voting for their own office And Mary Anne points out that they should. Jessi, brimming with healthy thoughts, is surprised K Ron listened to Mary Anne.
K Ron, having shoved several phone poles up her ass, doesn't agree with this when she puts it to a vote even though everyone else does. We're supposed to be impressed she even asked, I suppose. They cast their votes and K Ron collects them and counts them. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing and the others ask her what's the dealy-o? She tells them they all voted to keep things exactly the same. Even with her as Dictator for Life. They all bust up laughing and I can't help but think it's the laughter of the mad. Ah! Nothing like maintaining the status quo! Even if it is incredibly unhealthy! Ah hahahaha!
They all blabber about how everyone is best suited for the office they hold which is a damn dirty lie. Kristy isn't suited for president. She's too Goddamn mean and volatile. She blames her overpowering brattiness on Charlie. Because it's not her fault she's been stepping on her friends like they were fucking ants! Because someone else being overbearing means she has to act like an infected case of typhoid shits. You know, I'll admit I have a fucked up home life. I'm fucking miserable 99.999% of the time. And you know what I don't do? TAKE IT OUT ON MY FUCKING FRIENDS!! Because I, shock and horror, love them and see them as equals! Yeah, funny concept, ain't it, Ann?! I don't see my friends as minions for me to rule over and cower for me! Fuck Ann so fucking hard with a fucking backhoe for writing this outcome!
Chapter Fucking 14!
I'm very tired so I'm giving the short and sassy rundown. The BSC heads over to the Mancusis and sees that Misty has given birth. And is still giving birth which grosses out Mary Anne. Dawn calls the birth beautiful and I rolled my eyes so hard they made a noise. That's some real hippie shit coming from someone who supposedly hates hippies. She shows them the other animals and K Ron ker-pranks Mary Anne that Barney is loose again because she's horrible and treats her friends horrible. Jessi says they have to leave before the Mancusis arrive because God only knows what would happen if they found she turned their house into a Goddamned zoo.
She spruces up the place and even puts crepe paper ribbons on the dogs' collars. She's thinking to do the same with the cats but the Mancusis arrive. I for one, pity the exclusion of the shit storm of putting ribbons on cats that would have ensued. Jessi tells them about the hamster having babies and they take a look and say it's Snicklefritz, which is still a better name than Misty. They ask her if she knows anyone who'd like a hamster and she says she bets Becca would and she'll ask around if anyone else does.
Chapter 15!
At the next BSC meeting, K Ron has to show how big her dick is by putting another checklist up over Claudia's pictures just to throw it away and say that the end of it. Because she's that fucking passive aggressive. I was nine when I read this and saw exactly what she was doing. She's just asserting her authority like a dog that pisses on your new girlfriend. They all have a good laugh because Kool-Aid and because they're like dogs who piss themselves because of your new girlfriend. She also points out that she didn't even ask about the notebook because she wants some brownie points for not being an overbearing glass of cow piss. Again, I saw this at nine. Kids aren't stupid, Ann. Their bullshit detectors work as well as an adults.
After club business, Jessi asks if anyone wants a hamster from the Mancusis. Everyone is kinda meh on it and Dawn says if she ever gets a pet, she'd like something bigger like a cat or a dog. Because when Mary Anne brought Tigger into her household, she was so loving towards him! I fucking hate Dawn. Mal says she thinks her family would like one since Sarge the cat left them a Dear John letter and calls her mom. Mrs P okays it because what does she care about something that'll probably make Mallory work harder?
Jackie calls crying about not getting to look after the class pet in that chapter I skipped. He said he just wanted to take care of a pet and K Ron asks to talk to his mom. She explains about the Mancusis free hamsters and Mrs R agrees to let Jackie have one. Jackie himself is adorably excited and K Ron says all's well that ends well. And because Claudia is the stupidest fucking person in the galaxy, she asks what that means. And on that, we're done! Damn that was a stupid one! But we made it! Dance party!
So, next I'm thinking of doing 'Logan Likes Mary Anne!' for the simple fact that I like her birthday outfit. And Tigger! Kitten! Kitten! Kitten! As always, loves, thanks for reading!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Jessi wakes up Saturday morning feeling nervous. She says the BSC means a lot to her because they're accepting of her race. And I can't fault her that. Being around white people does feel uncomfortable at times. My uncle's ex was white and we were always stiff around her and her family. Jessi goes downstairs and decides it's not too early to call Mal. They talk a bit but still don't know who to vote for. Please, girls, this is easy! Make Claudia president and make K Ron the Gollum (her checklist is Precious). Jessi goes to the kitchen and tells her mom about the elections. She asks her mom who she should vote for and she says she can't tell her that. She tells her to just go with who she feels best suits their office. Like making Claudia president and K Ron the Igor.
Jessi goes to the Mancusis and thinks over who to vote for. She thinks over treasurer and says Claudia can't do it because she's stupid and Mary Anne is a good secretary which just leaves K Ron. But she can't see K Ron as treasurer. Why? She can count. She can add. You what she can't do? Run the club like a decent person. Stop thinking that just because she came up with the club, she's best suited as president. She's not. Bullying your friends doesn't make you a good leader, it makes you a bully. K Ron has shown zero leadership qualities. All she's shown is that she likes to boss people around and make herself feel big. Jessi also says K Ron can't be vice president because she can't answer the phone at non meeting times and they'd have to move headquarters. Personally, I think that's more of responsibilities of a president, so make Claudia president. Claudia is far more suited for the job. We know she can take charge and be level headed because she did when they were stranded on that island. K Ron wouldn't have done that. She'd be to busy making sure everyone knew she was in charge.
Since Jessi failed critical thinking, she can't think of how to vote. She takes care of the animals and when she moves on to the hamsters, Mr Fat Outcast hamster wakes up. She goes to stroke him and he tries to bite her. That makes her think their must be something really wrong with him and calls her mom. Jessi asks her to drive them to the vet and she says okay. Jessi looks at the clock and realizes she's gonna miss the voting meeting but she has no choice. Um, just call and say 'Anyone but Kristy of president. The king is dead. Long live the king.'
Chapter 12!
Jessi wonders how to move the hamster in case he's hurt. She's pretty smart about it, finding a can and putting it next to the hamster for him to crawl inside then moving the can to a prepared shoe box. Mrs Ramsey arrives and they drive to the vet. In the vet's office Mrs R lets out a scream because a boy is there with his boa. What a pansy. Like I said, I'm not afraid of snakes, but there are animals I am afraid of. Yet I've never managed to honest to God scream about it. Somehow, Mrs R manages not to faint and Jessi goes to the receptionist to explain the situation. She says there'll be a wait and Jessi sits back down, thinking she'll miss the meeting for sure. They wait around and a little girl comes in with a kitten named Igga-bogga which is a great name for a cat. Jessi says she'd name it Misty or Creampuff and stop shitting on the little girl's cute name. Igga-bogga is certain to get more squeals of delight from people. I speak from experience. I've had cats win 'Best Name' certificates from their vets.
Jessi starts thinking about missing the meeting and thinks the healthy thought of how much she hates upsetting K Ron. 'Emotional abuse! Fun for all ages!' says Ann! Again, if you think not doing what your 'friend' demands of you makes you the bad person, find some new fucking friends. And honestly, I'd be surprised if K Ron isn't pleased by this development because she doesn't want to be overthrown. She'd probably like to delay this till the Rapture. And then you know, take Earth from Satan. 'Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, 5:30, on the dot'.
Jessi finally gets called up and as the Dr is examining the hamster, she up and leaves!
All that talk about 'responsibility' to the Mancusis pets (yeah, that's a laugh) and she doesn't even stay around for the examination?! Oh, ho ho ho ho ho! NO! You see, her real responsibility is to cower before K Ron the Unequal! She calls her and tells her she won't be able to make the meeting so can they please reschedule it? I hope K Ron is shitting her breeches thinking Jessi wants to make sure she's overthrown. That's why I'd make sure to attend.
Kristy is level headed about it probably thinking of the time Louie cut his paw and she got blamed for Karen ruining the car. Jessi goes back to the examination room and is it me? I wouldn't be allowed to wander the vets office. When you leave the room, you can't just walk back in. Maybe at my new vets where the examination rooms are out front but not the kinds that are in the back like this one is. Anyways, Jessi finds out that the hamster is pregnant. She takes her home and gives her the name of Misty because that's what she'd name a white kitten? Even as a kid, that was confusing. The hamster isn't white, it's beige. Anything is a better name than that. Put your hamster name in the replies. Personally, I'd go with Sunflower Or Purin.
Chapter 13!
Sunday, the last day before the Mancusis arrive, and Jessi rushes to check on Misty. She still hasn't had her babies which makes Jessi disappointed. She does her chores than heads for Mallory's house so they can walk to the meeting together. Mal asks if the hamster had her babies yet and Jessi tells her not yet. Mal suggests they check after the meeting and Jessi says the whole club can come! Have you learned nothing, Ramsey?! Last time you had a BSC member over, an animal got loose, you fucking moron!
When they get to the meeting, K Ron actually asks about Misty. Jessi tells them what's going on with her and they all get excited for some reason. It's not like it's their pet. K Ron brings the baby shower to an end and says it's time to vote. She says she made the ballots with each office and their names and they just put a check by who they vote for. She also says they won't be voting for their own office And Mary Anne points out that they should. Jessi, brimming with healthy thoughts, is surprised K Ron listened to Mary Anne.
K Ron, having shoved several phone poles up her ass, doesn't agree with this when she puts it to a vote even though everyone else does. We're supposed to be impressed she even asked, I suppose. They cast their votes and K Ron collects them and counts them. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing and the others ask her what's the dealy-o? She tells them they all voted to keep things exactly the same. Even with her as Dictator for Life. They all bust up laughing and I can't help but think it's the laughter of the mad. Ah! Nothing like maintaining the status quo! Even if it is incredibly unhealthy! Ah hahahaha!
They all blabber about how everyone is best suited for the office they hold which is a damn dirty lie. Kristy isn't suited for president. She's too Goddamn mean and volatile. She blames her overpowering brattiness on Charlie. Because it's not her fault she's been stepping on her friends like they were fucking ants! Because someone else being overbearing means she has to act like an infected case of typhoid shits. You know, I'll admit I have a fucked up home life. I'm fucking miserable 99.999% of the time. And you know what I don't do? TAKE IT OUT ON MY FUCKING FRIENDS!! Because I, shock and horror, love them and see them as equals! Yeah, funny concept, ain't it, Ann?! I don't see my friends as minions for me to rule over and cower for me! Fuck Ann so fucking hard with a fucking backhoe for writing this outcome!
Chapter Fucking 14!
I'm very tired so I'm giving the short and sassy rundown. The BSC heads over to the Mancusis and sees that Misty has given birth. And is still giving birth which grosses out Mary Anne. Dawn calls the birth beautiful and I rolled my eyes so hard they made a noise. That's some real hippie shit coming from someone who supposedly hates hippies. She shows them the other animals and K Ron ker-pranks Mary Anne that Barney is loose again because she's horrible and treats her friends horrible. Jessi says they have to leave before the Mancusis arrive because God only knows what would happen if they found she turned their house into a Goddamned zoo.
She spruces up the place and even puts crepe paper ribbons on the dogs' collars. She's thinking to do the same with the cats but the Mancusis arrive. I for one, pity the exclusion of the shit storm of putting ribbons on cats that would have ensued. Jessi tells them about the hamster having babies and they take a look and say it's Snicklefritz, which is still a better name than Misty. They ask her if she knows anyone who'd like a hamster and she says she bets Becca would and she'll ask around if anyone else does.
Chapter 15!
At the next BSC meeting, K Ron has to show how big her dick is by putting another checklist up over Claudia's pictures just to throw it away and say that the end of it. Because she's that fucking passive aggressive. I was nine when I read this and saw exactly what she was doing. She's just asserting her authority like a dog that pisses on your new girlfriend. They all have a good laugh because Kool-Aid and because they're like dogs who piss themselves because of your new girlfriend. She also points out that she didn't even ask about the notebook because she wants some brownie points for not being an overbearing glass of cow piss. Again, I saw this at nine. Kids aren't stupid, Ann. Their bullshit detectors work as well as an adults.
After club business, Jessi asks if anyone wants a hamster from the Mancusis. Everyone is kinda meh on it and Dawn says if she ever gets a pet, she'd like something bigger like a cat or a dog. Because when Mary Anne brought Tigger into her household, she was so loving towards him! I fucking hate Dawn. Mal says she thinks her family would like one since Sarge the cat left them a Dear John letter and calls her mom. Mrs P okays it because what does she care about something that'll probably make Mallory work harder?
Jackie calls crying about not getting to look after the class pet in that chapter I skipped. He said he just wanted to take care of a pet and K Ron asks to talk to his mom. She explains about the Mancusis free hamsters and Mrs R agrees to let Jackie have one. Jackie himself is adorably excited and K Ron says all's well that ends well. And because Claudia is the stupidest fucking person in the galaxy, she asks what that means. And on that, we're done! Damn that was a stupid one! But we made it! Dance party!
So, next I'm thinking of doing 'Logan Likes Mary Anne!' for the simple fact that I like her birthday outfit. And Tigger! Kitten! Kitten! Kitten! As always, loves, thanks for reading!