The Summer Before...Part Two!
I can't believe I started this snark back in July! So much has happened since then...I met the love of my life, I went back to school, and I also got diagnosed with Bipolar type II, which has turned out to be an amazing thing because it's helped me get my life back on track. :) And...I am back. To snark and to enjoy snarks. You guys have never been far from my mind and I'm so glad you're still here! I missed you!
So I'm going to post the link from the first part of the snark. I broke it down into four chapters at a time, since there's more content than in your standard Little Sisters book.
Part One: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/685912.html
And here we go....more drama before they were Babysitters!
Chapter Five (Kristy)
I feel really bad that Kristy's letter to her father got the 'Addresse Unknown' treatment, but I didn't need the definition lesson, even if it is a bit heartbreaking. I also find it funny that at the end of angsting how it means her father is unknown to her, which is a valid point, she caps it off how it stamped 'harshly' over her very best cursive. Which the Postal Service gives not two shits about, Kristy.
Now she starts going on and on about how she had written a perfectly nice letter AND put a stamp on it AND used her best handwriting and her letter was STILL returned...which totally has nothing to do with them not being able to deliver the letter to her father. I understand she's upset, but it has nothing to do with remembering a stamp and everything to do with her father being an asshole.
She tries to be all 'fuck him, let him come to me,' but again I feel really bad for her. I think this book has made me feel more for Kristy than anyone else. And then David Michael proves he's Kristy's little brother and hounds her about what's in her pocket for a page and a half. Damn, I get it that kids are curious...but once he's told it's private he should drop it and concentrate on how to find out without bugging the fuck out of me. I mean, out of Kristy.
Mary Anne saves the day! Well, sort of...she comes over and wants to know what one would do if a four year old kid falls down the stairs. Like...you know...Delaware Spike, for example. Kristy is exasperated at her friend's constant worrying. I get that...but as someone with anxiety, having contigency plans helps me deal with my worries that are normally totally fucking stupid. But hey, it works so I don't question it.
She goes on for the protocol for the smoke detector going off, funny noises outside after dark, again with the child falling down the stairs...and honestly, I'm thinking this is a really good argument against 11 year olds babysitting. At least her worrying is a bit more realistic than Kristy's 'we can handle anything but nothing will ever happen bad to a kid we're babysitting. EVER.' attitude. Boy is she in for some disappointment when the series gets started.
When Mary Anne asks about the envelope, Kristy snaps at her then changes the subject by telling her they're going to watch for meteors tonight. Um...if there's not a specific shower, then it's kind of an off chance. But hey, what better way to bond as a family than staring at the sky for hours without seeing a damn thing? And Kristy decides to make a special supper for the empty-sky staring fest!
Of course, she can't make the burgers themselves, that's Charlie's job. Women don't grill in Stoneybrook the same way that men don't watch their own childern. Then Elizabeth puts a damper on it all by asking Kristy to set another place at the table because Watson is coming...on what Kristy thought would be a night with just the family. And I have to agree with Kristy here...after a month, Watson is not a part of the family that needs to be in on all of the family activities. BUT the boys seem fine with it, in fact David Michael seems to want Watson to be part of the family.
Kristy stomps up to her room and snarks on Watson's station wagon when he arrives. It's red and shiny and brags he's a 'Proud Parent of An Honor Student...' I can't help but giggle when she wonders what kind of Kindergarden has honor students. She's not wrong when she said it was probably a private one...at least, in 1985. In 2016, they have them even at Cletus' Shack Of Edumucation.
She goes downstairs when asked, but she's not happy about it. To pass the time, she comments on all of the things for and against him, with an emphasis on how horrible it was that he's going bald. Seriously. There's a whole paragraph of how her mother could not fall for a bald man. It's like on the family crest or something. And then he goes and commits the unpardonable sin of explaining some baseball thing to David Michael.
Shit just got real.
Apparently saying 'ready for those meteors' makes you an old timey sitcom dad. I'm wondering how Kristy would know, considering Stoneybrook seems stuck in the '50's. Or is this book trying to pull them out of the time warp? Maybe it takes place before Riff Raff opens the coffin clock's case....
Okay, I get Kristy doesn't want her dad replaced, but she loses my sympathy when she states she makes sure to sit someplace where Watson is hard to see and less likely to spoil her meal. This is why I don't have kids, ladies and gentlemen. And then she's all too proud of herself to tell Watson she doesn't want to sit for his kids the next weekend. Sam offers to take the job, because he hasn't transferred ownership of his balls yet to K-Ron.
In a final act of self pity, Kristy refuses to eat the cookies that Watson brought for dessert. As she watches the meteors, she gets a shred of sympahty back from me while she fumes that Watson came to their family activity and he's a good father to his kids, while her own dad can't even be found. (Though it's not Watson's fault, which is who she blames for ruining the evening.)
Chapter Six (Mary Anne)
Mary Anne arrives at the Pike house for her double sitting appointment with Kristy literally shaking in her boots. Quite honestly, I can't blame her. She's eleven years old and has basically been left in charge of a zoo of seven younger, shaved chimpanzees. Hell, I'm 34 years old and that idea terrifies me! My dogs are better at cleaning up their own messes than the Pike kids, even if it's in a Human Centipede type of way. I also understand her worrying about fires and broken bones. Let's be honest...the Pike kids are capable of anything. They could definitely burn the house down and lose a few siblings to blunt force trauma in a couple of hours.
The Pike kids respond to the doorbell, the same way my dogs do, only less intelligble. Finally Mallory opens the door with the weary look of someone who realizes she's raising seven children before she's even old enough to have given birth to one on her own. They describe all of the kids are sark haired and blue eyed. Seriously, Ann, you couldn't look at ONE of the Mallory book covers to remember she has red hair?
Mrs. Pike gives them a few vague instructions, including waving at her hand and saying there's cold cuts, mac and cheese, 'milk and juice and....' Pot? Herion? We obviously know there's no birth control pills. And it's pretty sad when the eleven year old babysitter has to ask where the emergency numbers are instead of being shown. I don't buy that the Pikes have a huge, detailed number list either. You know Mallory did it, probably submitting to her fate as a Duggar-In-Training.
They're left alone and immediately Kristy deputizes Mallory because the poor kid can't have one goddamn evening to just be a kid and let someone else take care of her siblings. I'm sure Mallory appreciates the favor when seven children request roughly thirty-seven different things for dinner. The poor kid actually chimes in she'll take whatever's easiest, since Kristy and Mary Anne will be cooking for three hours at this rate. Mary Anne plays it smart and empties the fridge on the table so the jackals can descend and feed, hopefully without turning on each other.
Mary Anne is slightly appaulled that Vanessa is eating chicken and cereal. I mean...if you're hungry enough. I just hope she doesn't mix them together and add milk. I will judge the shit out of that, even if she is only eight years old. They start playing Tail Trail...and...I'm skipping this part because this dumb game goes on for three pages. The only funny part is that the twins use a Naked Mole Rat for N, and Kristy doesn't believe they're real.
Before playing with the kids, they decide to give them M&M's, because if there's one thing the Pike hoarde needs it's sugar. Then the boys go outside with Kristy to play baseball and the girls stay inside to play beauty parlor with Mary Anne. Hello single character traits, we missed you! After dark, all of the kids make pipe cleaner jewelry until the Pike parents actually come home. I guess they don't abandon their childern much until Mallory is old enough to be mini-Michelle Duggar.
Mary Anne is surprised when they get paid for the job. And...I think Kristy needs to explain the concept of babysitting a bit better to her for next time. But she comes home with her head held high and Richard says she's proud of her. But if she's going to keep sitting, she needs to follow some rules...including having a sitting buddy even if she's only sitting for one kid.
Parents with children...would you shell out for two sitters just because the father of one of the girls is overprotective and not willing to let her sit without a buddy? I didn't think so.
Eventually she tells Richard he's telling her she can baby sit and at the same time he's treating her like a little kid. There's a small part of me that wants to remind her she's barely twelve, but I do agree mostly with MA. I chuckle a little when Richard algins his newspaper to the edge of the coffee table. Thankfully Dawn is still in California or she'd scatter the paper over the coffee table and then light it on fire.
He admits he's babying her and overprotecting her, but she's all he's got. I feel really bad for Richard, but I also feel like he need to start dating. Mary Anne promises to respect his rules, because she loves her father. And...it might not be the healthiest thing, but I do think they have one of the best parent/child relationships in the 'Brook.
For now, Mary Anne is just happy to bask in the glow of 'officially' being a babysitter. Awwwwww. Just keep the babies away from me, and I'm totally cool with being happy for you, MA.
Chapter Seven (Claudia)
The Birthday girl lists off her loot and can't resist snarking that Janine got her a book she'll never read. She doesn't think the thought counts because Janine had to have known it was something she didn't like. Unless the thought is just that she gave her sister something for her birthday. And...I feel really bad that I want to slap a child. On her birthday.
Not only do the Goldmans let the Kishis have their pool for Claudia's party, they let them use their kitchen to prepare the food and even go so far as to clear out for the afternoon. It's a nice gesture, but I'd be worried about what the pool is going to look like when I got back that night. Maybe it's because our community pool gets closed at least three times a summer for 'emergency cleaning' aka someone's kid had diaherra.
Claudia's mom is surprised all they need is food and a pool, remembering buying actual party supplies. Claudia, however, is anticipating the boys showing off for the girls and the girls showing off for the boys. And...are we sure that Stacey is going to be the one that gets knocked up in highschool?
The next paragraph is Claudia explaining to us that a new bikini isn't enough...it needs to be An Outfit. Her capitalization, not mine. She talks about trying on 'filmy tops' and 'summery pants'...and I wonder if the Kishis need to think more about their daughter's wardrobe than her reading habits. Especially when she describes her outfit as 'alluring yet acceptable to parents.'
Apparently Mary Anne and Kristy said they would've preferred a sleep over but agree to come anyway because that's what Claudia wanted and she's their friend. Remember this. Janinie gets to invite a friend too, and ends up bringing a second person from her statistics class. A boy. Claudia thinks nothing of this...because they're her sister's friends, the guy is probably a geek. She pats herself on the back for not calling them her sister's 'loser friends' and then promptly snarks her sister wearing jeans and an Einstien t-shirt like she's going to a birthday party and not the most special party of all time. OF ALLLLLLL TIIIIIIIIIIIME!
Kristy and Mary Anne show up exactly on time and Kristy has to remind Claudia they gave her her presents on ther actual birthday. They strip off their clothes and show off...last year's swimsuits. To Claudia's horror, Mary Anne admits she had just found hers a few minutes ago. Considering how strict Richard is, did Claudia expect MA to show up in a string bikini?
Kids arrive, presents pile up, and food is made. And then someone arrives who makes Janine turn luminious. I call bullshit that Claudia knows that word. Apparently he's so goregous that when he wishes Claudia happy birthday, it suddenly takes on 'meaning of galatic propotions.' She says it's as if he really means 'You are a young woman of stunning beauty. Thank you for inviting me into your life.'
Oh God, where's the barf bag?
Claudia stares at him, noticing that Janine is giving her the stank eye, but still stammers to Frankie where the food is, even though he's in sight of it. Then the spell is broken when people start yelling to her. Thankfully we are spared more Frankie glurge when Claudia notices her father is wearing a 'Kiss the Cook' apron with a busty lady on it, apparently Mrs. Goldman's. She's humilated instead of thinking it's funny like I do. And Janine is so embarrassed she backs away from her father like he's on fire and falls into the pool fully clothed.
So the overdramatic thing is genetic after all.
Of course, Claudia is embarrased because people laugh. Dori reminds her that once she got a No Pest Strip stuck in her hair and the teacher had to cut it out. And...I've done that before too, but it was in my GARAGE. What the hell is going in Stoneybrook public schools that they need to hang No Pest Strips in the classrooms? Either way, it's not enough to make Claudia feel completely better because this is happening in front of a GREEK GOD.
Um...how does she know if Frankie is Greek or not? He might be Jewish. He might be Italian. Or he might be.....I mean, they didn't even mention if he's olive skinned or anything other curly hair.
Claudia is ignoring Kristy and Mary Anne because they're swimming and having fun, instead of drooling over the boys. And Kristy whispered a comment that one of the boys was a 'booger breath'. Immature, but....at that age I thought the same thing. Which probably confirms our theory of Kristy's future.
Frankie puts his hand on her shoulder and Claudia nearly wets her pants. Her wrist is on fire. Which is kind of creepy at that age, knowing she's having her first experience with arousal. And I'm slightly concerned about her having a nerve condition that her shoulder sends signals to her wrist. Or Sammie edited this one.
Everything's spinning because he asks her if she'd like to sit down. I'm wishing the room was spinning too and am pissed I forgot to pick up wine last time I went shopping. Claudia forgets for a moment he'd said 'Happy Birthday' instead of calling her a stunning young woman. Well, she's going to have her first restraining order before she's 15.
Janinie declares it's time to open presents, and then makes comments about every gift to let Frankie know that Claudia is twelve and going into seventh grade. Frankie doesn't take the hint and tells Claudia he'll get her a new song he heard that's awesome. And then when the other girls squeal about Frankie, she interally snarks calling him cute is like calling the pyramids..'cute'.
After the party Claudia goes upstairs to her room to think about Frankie. Yeah, think indeed. She also feels awful that she can't talk to Mary Anne and Kristy about lady boners because they still play Marco Polo and wear mermaid swimsuits. She feels like she's walking away from their friendship...because you have to have the EXACT same interests as your friends, obviously.
Janinie wants nothing to do with Claudia, and betrays her normal maturity by not telling her sister what she's done. It doesn't take long to figure out, though, that Janine likes Frankie. But if you think that will stop Claudia there's a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you for a sweet deal.
Chapter 8 - Stacey
Stacey apparently started sitting in sixth grade for kids in her building and now those are the only people she has to say goodbye to when she leaves New York. I can't lie...that's fucking sad. I hate bullies.
After cleaning up and giving away all of the stuff they don't need, now it's time to start packing up what's going to Stoneybrook. Stacey wants to complain about needing a day off, but she's got nothing else to do with herself until her sitting job. This chapter is going to be boring, me thinks, but I can use it after the last chapter of Claudia's sexual awakening. Are we sure she's not the boy crazy one?
They make a point of stating that Mr. Rosenfield is a stay-at-home dad, which was pretty rare for the 80's. It also makes me think there's something in the water in Stoneybrooke that renders men unable to care for the children they helped produce without making it seem like a great sacrafice.
Apparently the kids are playing Sticky, where they have to pretend their sides are stuck together. I can see this game ending in bloodshed very quickly. Stacey lets it go on way too long before telling the kids she's moving. The kids are upset once she has to explain to them that Conneticut is not in midtown.
Her next sitting charge is more preoccupied with the idea of the moving truck than the fact it's taking Stacey far away. The entire conversation is about how the furniture will fit in the van. I definitely like this Sean kid.
The final round of goodbyes leave the kids in hysterics. And...I guess I never bonded with my babysitters that well. Either it was my Aunt Betty who liked to remind me that many children died from doing 'foolish things' around the house, or the girl across the street who used my parent's den to watch movies her own parents wouldn't let her see and talk on the phone non-stop.
The mother of her last sitting charge pushes her out at exactly six, making her think she's done something wrong. But of course..it's a surprise party! A pig-themed surprise party because Stacey apparently loves pigs. All of her sitting charges are there, and her sixth grade class....and Laine.
For some reason Laine and two of her pack of bitches think it's funny that Stacey's charges are all hugging her like crazy. And brought her gifts. Because being a good enough babysitter your charges adore you is SO LAME GUYS!!!!
Laine further proves she's a total bitch by telling Stacey the only reasons she came is because her parents made her. And the only reason the other girls in their class are there because she told them they had to come. Apparently Miss Cummings dictates all social interactioins for the sixth grade girls. If you displease her, you join Stacey in the Outer Darkness.
Of course Laine feigns niceness around the Moms and then goes right back to bitchmode when they walk away. Stacey asks Laine if she's afraid of her. And you know what might have prevented all this confusion? If Stacey's parents were assholes who act like diabetes is this shameful secret. Her classmates might think she's contagious or faking it for attention. But that's definitely better than having diabeetus.
The girls torment Stacey until she's too nervous to eat. And then Laine delivers this gem: 'My goodness. Stacey isn't eating. What a surprise. Poor Stacey. I guess she needs lots of extra attetion, doesn't she? Everyone, please take a moment to worry over Stacey.'
So she's not afraid of Stacey so much as a jealous bitch who thinks Stacey is getting extra attention for no reason. Which she'd know wasn't true if the McGills didn't make their child hide her medical condition like it's a mark of shame. Laine is a bitch, no doubt, but Stacey's parents set her up for this kind of situation.
Another of the girls says to watch out Stacey doesn't wet her pants again and I really wish Stacey would piss on Allison right this very inute. I fucking hate teenage girls. One of the kids details the bitchfest to get Stacey to open her presents. She tries to be happy for their sake, but damn, her party has definitely had a black cloud put over it.
To cap off the evening, Laine pretends to trip and spills coke all over Stacey's white blouse. Stacey's Mom refuses to believe it was on purpose, which is pretty shitty because you'd have to be very dense to not have noticed what a snot she's been the whole party.
I actually really like this book, but Claudia might be the death of me in this one. Sheesh. The only Frankie that gets me that excited is Frank-N-Furter. ;)
I'll be posting the rest of the snark quickly! Hope you guys enjoy! :D
Hey Mods...can I get a snarker tag, please? :)
So I'm going to post the link from the first part of the snark. I broke it down into four chapters at a time, since there's more content than in your standard Little Sisters book.
Part One: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/685912.html
And here we go....more drama before they were Babysitters!
Chapter Five (Kristy)
I feel really bad that Kristy's letter to her father got the 'Addresse Unknown' treatment, but I didn't need the definition lesson, even if it is a bit heartbreaking. I also find it funny that at the end of angsting how it means her father is unknown to her, which is a valid point, she caps it off how it stamped 'harshly' over her very best cursive. Which the Postal Service gives not two shits about, Kristy.
Now she starts going on and on about how she had written a perfectly nice letter AND put a stamp on it AND used her best handwriting and her letter was STILL returned...which totally has nothing to do with them not being able to deliver the letter to her father. I understand she's upset, but it has nothing to do with remembering a stamp and everything to do with her father being an asshole.
She tries to be all 'fuck him, let him come to me,' but again I feel really bad for her. I think this book has made me feel more for Kristy than anyone else. And then David Michael proves he's Kristy's little brother and hounds her about what's in her pocket for a page and a half. Damn, I get it that kids are curious...but once he's told it's private he should drop it and concentrate on how to find out without bugging the fuck out of me. I mean, out of Kristy.
Mary Anne saves the day! Well, sort of...she comes over and wants to know what one would do if a four year old kid falls down the stairs. Like...you know...Delaware Spike, for example. Kristy is exasperated at her friend's constant worrying. I get that...but as someone with anxiety, having contigency plans helps me deal with my worries that are normally totally fucking stupid. But hey, it works so I don't question it.
She goes on for the protocol for the smoke detector going off, funny noises outside after dark, again with the child falling down the stairs...and honestly, I'm thinking this is a really good argument against 11 year olds babysitting. At least her worrying is a bit more realistic than Kristy's 'we can handle anything but nothing will ever happen bad to a kid we're babysitting. EVER.' attitude. Boy is she in for some disappointment when the series gets started.
When Mary Anne asks about the envelope, Kristy snaps at her then changes the subject by telling her they're going to watch for meteors tonight. Um...if there's not a specific shower, then it's kind of an off chance. But hey, what better way to bond as a family than staring at the sky for hours without seeing a damn thing? And Kristy decides to make a special supper for the empty-sky staring fest!
Of course, she can't make the burgers themselves, that's Charlie's job. Women don't grill in Stoneybrook the same way that men don't watch their own childern. Then Elizabeth puts a damper on it all by asking Kristy to set another place at the table because Watson is coming...on what Kristy thought would be a night with just the family. And I have to agree with Kristy here...after a month, Watson is not a part of the family that needs to be in on all of the family activities. BUT the boys seem fine with it, in fact David Michael seems to want Watson to be part of the family.
Kristy stomps up to her room and snarks on Watson's station wagon when he arrives. It's red and shiny and brags he's a 'Proud Parent of An Honor Student...' I can't help but giggle when she wonders what kind of Kindergarden has honor students. She's not wrong when she said it was probably a private one...at least, in 1985. In 2016, they have them even at Cletus' Shack Of Edumucation.
She goes downstairs when asked, but she's not happy about it. To pass the time, she comments on all of the things for and against him, with an emphasis on how horrible it was that he's going bald. Seriously. There's a whole paragraph of how her mother could not fall for a bald man. It's like on the family crest or something. And then he goes and commits the unpardonable sin of explaining some baseball thing to David Michael.
Shit just got real.
Apparently saying 'ready for those meteors' makes you an old timey sitcom dad. I'm wondering how Kristy would know, considering Stoneybrook seems stuck in the '50's. Or is this book trying to pull them out of the time warp? Maybe it takes place before Riff Raff opens the coffin clock's case....
Okay, I get Kristy doesn't want her dad replaced, but she loses my sympathy when she states she makes sure to sit someplace where Watson is hard to see and less likely to spoil her meal. This is why I don't have kids, ladies and gentlemen. And then she's all too proud of herself to tell Watson she doesn't want to sit for his kids the next weekend. Sam offers to take the job, because he hasn't transferred ownership of his balls yet to K-Ron.
In a final act of self pity, Kristy refuses to eat the cookies that Watson brought for dessert. As she watches the meteors, she gets a shred of sympahty back from me while she fumes that Watson came to their family activity and he's a good father to his kids, while her own dad can't even be found. (Though it's not Watson's fault, which is who she blames for ruining the evening.)
Chapter Six (Mary Anne)
Mary Anne arrives at the Pike house for her double sitting appointment with Kristy literally shaking in her boots. Quite honestly, I can't blame her. She's eleven years old and has basically been left in charge of a zoo of seven younger, shaved chimpanzees. Hell, I'm 34 years old and that idea terrifies me! My dogs are better at cleaning up their own messes than the Pike kids, even if it's in a Human Centipede type of way. I also understand her worrying about fires and broken bones. Let's be honest...the Pike kids are capable of anything. They could definitely burn the house down and lose a few siblings to blunt force trauma in a couple of hours.
The Pike kids respond to the doorbell, the same way my dogs do, only less intelligble. Finally Mallory opens the door with the weary look of someone who realizes she's raising seven children before she's even old enough to have given birth to one on her own. They describe all of the kids are sark haired and blue eyed. Seriously, Ann, you couldn't look at ONE of the Mallory book covers to remember she has red hair?
Mrs. Pike gives them a few vague instructions, including waving at her hand and saying there's cold cuts, mac and cheese, 'milk and juice and....' Pot? Herion? We obviously know there's no birth control pills. And it's pretty sad when the eleven year old babysitter has to ask where the emergency numbers are instead of being shown. I don't buy that the Pikes have a huge, detailed number list either. You know Mallory did it, probably submitting to her fate as a Duggar-In-Training.
They're left alone and immediately Kristy deputizes Mallory because the poor kid can't have one goddamn evening to just be a kid and let someone else take care of her siblings. I'm sure Mallory appreciates the favor when seven children request roughly thirty-seven different things for dinner. The poor kid actually chimes in she'll take whatever's easiest, since Kristy and Mary Anne will be cooking for three hours at this rate. Mary Anne plays it smart and empties the fridge on the table so the jackals can descend and feed, hopefully without turning on each other.
Mary Anne is slightly appaulled that Vanessa is eating chicken and cereal. I mean...if you're hungry enough. I just hope she doesn't mix them together and add milk. I will judge the shit out of that, even if she is only eight years old. They start playing Tail Trail...and...I'm skipping this part because this dumb game goes on for three pages. The only funny part is that the twins use a Naked Mole Rat for N, and Kristy doesn't believe they're real.
Before playing with the kids, they decide to give them M&M's, because if there's one thing the Pike hoarde needs it's sugar. Then the boys go outside with Kristy to play baseball and the girls stay inside to play beauty parlor with Mary Anne. Hello single character traits, we missed you! After dark, all of the kids make pipe cleaner jewelry until the Pike parents actually come home. I guess they don't abandon their childern much until Mallory is old enough to be mini-Michelle Duggar.
Mary Anne is surprised when they get paid for the job. And...I think Kristy needs to explain the concept of babysitting a bit better to her for next time. But she comes home with her head held high and Richard says she's proud of her. But if she's going to keep sitting, she needs to follow some rules...including having a sitting buddy even if she's only sitting for one kid.
Parents with children...would you shell out for two sitters just because the father of one of the girls is overprotective and not willing to let her sit without a buddy? I didn't think so.
Eventually she tells Richard he's telling her she can baby sit and at the same time he's treating her like a little kid. There's a small part of me that wants to remind her she's barely twelve, but I do agree mostly with MA. I chuckle a little when Richard algins his newspaper to the edge of the coffee table. Thankfully Dawn is still in California or she'd scatter the paper over the coffee table and then light it on fire.
He admits he's babying her and overprotecting her, but she's all he's got. I feel really bad for Richard, but I also feel like he need to start dating. Mary Anne promises to respect his rules, because she loves her father. And...it might not be the healthiest thing, but I do think they have one of the best parent/child relationships in the 'Brook.
For now, Mary Anne is just happy to bask in the glow of 'officially' being a babysitter. Awwwwww. Just keep the babies away from me, and I'm totally cool with being happy for you, MA.
Chapter Seven (Claudia)
The Birthday girl lists off her loot and can't resist snarking that Janine got her a book she'll never read. She doesn't think the thought counts because Janine had to have known it was something she didn't like. Unless the thought is just that she gave her sister something for her birthday. And...I feel really bad that I want to slap a child. On her birthday.
Not only do the Goldmans let the Kishis have their pool for Claudia's party, they let them use their kitchen to prepare the food and even go so far as to clear out for the afternoon. It's a nice gesture, but I'd be worried about what the pool is going to look like when I got back that night. Maybe it's because our community pool gets closed at least three times a summer for 'emergency cleaning' aka someone's kid had diaherra.
Claudia's mom is surprised all they need is food and a pool, remembering buying actual party supplies. Claudia, however, is anticipating the boys showing off for the girls and the girls showing off for the boys. And...are we sure that Stacey is going to be the one that gets knocked up in highschool?
The next paragraph is Claudia explaining to us that a new bikini isn't enough...it needs to be An Outfit. Her capitalization, not mine. She talks about trying on 'filmy tops' and 'summery pants'...and I wonder if the Kishis need to think more about their daughter's wardrobe than her reading habits. Especially when she describes her outfit as 'alluring yet acceptable to parents.'
Apparently Mary Anne and Kristy said they would've preferred a sleep over but agree to come anyway because that's what Claudia wanted and she's their friend. Remember this. Janinie gets to invite a friend too, and ends up bringing a second person from her statistics class. A boy. Claudia thinks nothing of this...because they're her sister's friends, the guy is probably a geek. She pats herself on the back for not calling them her sister's 'loser friends' and then promptly snarks her sister wearing jeans and an Einstien t-shirt like she's going to a birthday party and not the most special party of all time. OF ALLLLLLL TIIIIIIIIIIIME!
Kristy and Mary Anne show up exactly on time and Kristy has to remind Claudia they gave her her presents on ther actual birthday. They strip off their clothes and show off...last year's swimsuits. To Claudia's horror, Mary Anne admits she had just found hers a few minutes ago. Considering how strict Richard is, did Claudia expect MA to show up in a string bikini?
Kids arrive, presents pile up, and food is made. And then someone arrives who makes Janine turn luminious. I call bullshit that Claudia knows that word. Apparently he's so goregous that when he wishes Claudia happy birthday, it suddenly takes on 'meaning of galatic propotions.' She says it's as if he really means 'You are a young woman of stunning beauty. Thank you for inviting me into your life.'
Oh God, where's the barf bag?
Claudia stares at him, noticing that Janine is giving her the stank eye, but still stammers to Frankie where the food is, even though he's in sight of it. Then the spell is broken when people start yelling to her. Thankfully we are spared more Frankie glurge when Claudia notices her father is wearing a 'Kiss the Cook' apron with a busty lady on it, apparently Mrs. Goldman's. She's humilated instead of thinking it's funny like I do. And Janine is so embarrassed she backs away from her father like he's on fire and falls into the pool fully clothed.
So the overdramatic thing is genetic after all.
Of course, Claudia is embarrased because people laugh. Dori reminds her that once she got a No Pest Strip stuck in her hair and the teacher had to cut it out. And...I've done that before too, but it was in my GARAGE. What the hell is going in Stoneybrook public schools that they need to hang No Pest Strips in the classrooms? Either way, it's not enough to make Claudia feel completely better because this is happening in front of a GREEK GOD.
Um...how does she know if Frankie is Greek or not? He might be Jewish. He might be Italian. Or he might be.....I mean, they didn't even mention if he's olive skinned or anything other curly hair.
Claudia is ignoring Kristy and Mary Anne because they're swimming and having fun, instead of drooling over the boys. And Kristy whispered a comment that one of the boys was a 'booger breath'. Immature, but....at that age I thought the same thing. Which probably confirms our theory of Kristy's future.
Frankie puts his hand on her shoulder and Claudia nearly wets her pants. Her wrist is on fire. Which is kind of creepy at that age, knowing she's having her first experience with arousal. And I'm slightly concerned about her having a nerve condition that her shoulder sends signals to her wrist. Or Sammie edited this one.
Everything's spinning because he asks her if she'd like to sit down. I'm wishing the room was spinning too and am pissed I forgot to pick up wine last time I went shopping. Claudia forgets for a moment he'd said 'Happy Birthday' instead of calling her a stunning young woman. Well, she's going to have her first restraining order before she's 15.
Janinie declares it's time to open presents, and then makes comments about every gift to let Frankie know that Claudia is twelve and going into seventh grade. Frankie doesn't take the hint and tells Claudia he'll get her a new song he heard that's awesome. And then when the other girls squeal about Frankie, she interally snarks calling him cute is like calling the pyramids..'cute'.
After the party Claudia goes upstairs to her room to think about Frankie. Yeah, think indeed. She also feels awful that she can't talk to Mary Anne and Kristy about lady boners because they still play Marco Polo and wear mermaid swimsuits. She feels like she's walking away from their friendship...because you have to have the EXACT same interests as your friends, obviously.
Janinie wants nothing to do with Claudia, and betrays her normal maturity by not telling her sister what she's done. It doesn't take long to figure out, though, that Janine likes Frankie. But if you think that will stop Claudia there's a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you for a sweet deal.
Chapter 8 - Stacey
Stacey apparently started sitting in sixth grade for kids in her building and now those are the only people she has to say goodbye to when she leaves New York. I can't lie...that's fucking sad. I hate bullies.
After cleaning up and giving away all of the stuff they don't need, now it's time to start packing up what's going to Stoneybrook. Stacey wants to complain about needing a day off, but she's got nothing else to do with herself until her sitting job. This chapter is going to be boring, me thinks, but I can use it after the last chapter of Claudia's sexual awakening. Are we sure she's not the boy crazy one?
They make a point of stating that Mr. Rosenfield is a stay-at-home dad, which was pretty rare for the 80's. It also makes me think there's something in the water in Stoneybrooke that renders men unable to care for the children they helped produce without making it seem like a great sacrafice.
Apparently the kids are playing Sticky, where they have to pretend their sides are stuck together. I can see this game ending in bloodshed very quickly. Stacey lets it go on way too long before telling the kids she's moving. The kids are upset once she has to explain to them that Conneticut is not in midtown.
Her next sitting charge is more preoccupied with the idea of the moving truck than the fact it's taking Stacey far away. The entire conversation is about how the furniture will fit in the van. I definitely like this Sean kid.
The final round of goodbyes leave the kids in hysterics. And...I guess I never bonded with my babysitters that well. Either it was my Aunt Betty who liked to remind me that many children died from doing 'foolish things' around the house, or the girl across the street who used my parent's den to watch movies her own parents wouldn't let her see and talk on the phone non-stop.
The mother of her last sitting charge pushes her out at exactly six, making her think she's done something wrong. But of course..it's a surprise party! A pig-themed surprise party because Stacey apparently loves pigs. All of her sitting charges are there, and her sixth grade class....and Laine.
For some reason Laine and two of her pack of bitches think it's funny that Stacey's charges are all hugging her like crazy. And brought her gifts. Because being a good enough babysitter your charges adore you is SO LAME GUYS!!!!
Laine further proves she's a total bitch by telling Stacey the only reasons she came is because her parents made her. And the only reason the other girls in their class are there because she told them they had to come. Apparently Miss Cummings dictates all social interactioins for the sixth grade girls. If you displease her, you join Stacey in the Outer Darkness.
Of course Laine feigns niceness around the Moms and then goes right back to bitchmode when they walk away. Stacey asks Laine if she's afraid of her. And you know what might have prevented all this confusion? If Stacey's parents were assholes who act like diabetes is this shameful secret. Her classmates might think she's contagious or faking it for attention. But that's definitely better than having diabeetus.
The girls torment Stacey until she's too nervous to eat. And then Laine delivers this gem: 'My goodness. Stacey isn't eating. What a surprise. Poor Stacey. I guess she needs lots of extra attetion, doesn't she? Everyone, please take a moment to worry over Stacey.'
So she's not afraid of Stacey so much as a jealous bitch who thinks Stacey is getting extra attention for no reason. Which she'd know wasn't true if the McGills didn't make their child hide her medical condition like it's a mark of shame. Laine is a bitch, no doubt, but Stacey's parents set her up for this kind of situation.
Another of the girls says to watch out Stacey doesn't wet her pants again and I really wish Stacey would piss on Allison right this very inute. I fucking hate teenage girls. One of the kids details the bitchfest to get Stacey to open her presents. She tries to be happy for their sake, but damn, her party has definitely had a black cloud put over it.
To cap off the evening, Laine pretends to trip and spills coke all over Stacey's white blouse. Stacey's Mom refuses to believe it was on purpose, which is pretty shitty because you'd have to be very dense to not have noticed what a snot she's been the whole party.
I actually really like this book, but Claudia might be the death of me in this one. Sheesh. The only Frankie that gets me that excited is Frank-N-Furter. ;)
I'll be posting the rest of the snark quickly! Hope you guys enjoy! :D
Hey Mods...can I get a snarker tag, please? :)