Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs Chapters 6-10
http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/679280.html
Sorry I’ve been gone for a while, guys. It was a combination of laziness, writer’s block, and the fact that I got my first full time job. At least now I have a plausible excuse. Before I had ample time to snark, I just didn’t feel like doing it.
Chapter 6
During the next BSC meeting, Mallory is telling the rest of them about Claire’s tantrum. Apparently Claire started to pull up grass and throw it in the air. I feel so bad for Mallory. I think I would have started crying myself or stood by helplessly until someone competent came to deal with Claire. My parents, aunts and uncles, and older cousins would have known what to do. I would have just muttered, “Stop it,” and then done nothing. I seriously would have been like, “I should obviously stop them. Should I raise my voice? Do I drag her home? Do I ignore her?” This is why I’m not in the child care business. My first reaction when a child says hi to me is to stand still for twenty seconds before going, “Uh….hi?” And then thinking, “Should I smile? Ok, can I leave now?”
I just get nervous when I have to be in any position of authority. I can’t really see Mr. and Mrs. Pike giving a shit. They’d probably let their kids run around like wild animals at the grocery. I can just see one of the kids crashing a cart into a display of items on purpose.
Stacey asks what the rest of them think of this bright sparkly orange nail polish. Mallory says it’s kind of wild. It’s nail polish. But then again, I don’t pay too much attention to nail polish. I never really considered nail polish to be wild. Maybe Mallory needs to get out more. Mallory says her mom would never let her wear the nail polish. Why? What harm can nail polish do? It’s not like the Pikes are a really strict and conservative family. They basically let their kids do whatever they want. Does Mrs. Pike think that nail polish is inappropriate for an eleven year old girl? I know some parents might not want their eleven year old to wear makeup, but nail polish seems harmless enough. Is there some sort of trend where the color you paint your nails indicate what sex act you’re willing to perform and sparkly orange means you’ll let someone do anal? Does Mrs. Pike think the color orange is tacky? I don’t like orange nail polish, but I don’t see the harm in wearing it. It’s nail polish. It’s not like Mallory says she wants to dress like a hooker when she goes to school.
Kristy hasn’t arrived at the meeting yet. The rest of the club is in shock. They decide to do a countdown when it’s about to be 5:30. Kristy still doesn’t arrive and everyone is in shock and ready to panic. It’s only five-thirty one. Maybe you should give Kristy a few more minutes before you start calling the cops. Maybe she got caught up in a project and didn’t realize the time. Or maybe she’s stuck in traffic. I just had the image of a BSC member getting pulled over by a cop because they were speeding and explaining to the officer, “ I was only going eighty in a forty zone because I had to get to the BSC meeting.” I’m sure the BSC would rather get a traffic ticket than face Kristy’s look. I’m sure that if a BSC member got into an accident, Kristy would be like, “No, you’re not going to the hospital to be checked out. You’re coming to the meeting.
Of course, I would totally use this opportunity to tease Kristy about being late after all the bullshit she gives everyone for even being a minute late. Hell, I’d lock her outside the room and make her listen while we conducted the meeting without her. Then again, I’m sure she’d remove Claudia’s door from the hinges.
I just remembered how Jessi was usually in a state of panic when driving from ballet lessons to the BSC meetings. Now I’m imagining her getting out of the car to run if she got stuck in traffic or urging her parents to break a red light if there aren’t any cars coming. It’s 5:36 and
Kristy still isn’t here. The rest of the girls are sitting around like bumps on a log because they can’t do anything without Kristy telling them to. I’m pretty sure they’d wait to piss until Kristy told them to.
Mary Anne asks nervously if they should start the meeting. She’s probably afraid that Kristy will beat her up because someone else was the leader. Even if Kristy isn’t the leader, she’ll still try to take over or undermine the actual authority figure. Dawn gets nervous because she’ll have to be the president. I’m sure that if Kristy died, she’d find some way to come back as a ghost or a zombie so that she could still lead the BSC. Also, Claudia is the vice president. I thought the vice president usually took over for the president. Does this mean Dawn outranks Claudia? I can’t really see Claudia caring if Dawn wants to be president. I’m pretty sure that Dawn would throw a tantrum if someone asked if Claudia should be the one to run a meeting in Kristy’s absence since she’s the vice president.
Dawn is nervous about stepping into Kristy’s shoes. Is Kristy’s job really that hard? I can understand if she’s coordinating a project or something, but is presiding over a regular BSC meeting really that hard? Doesn’t she just ask, “Any new business?” and that’s basically it? Stacey is the one who collects dues and Mary Anne is in charge of keeping everyone’s schedules straight. I thought all the BSC did during a typical meeting was wait for the phone to ring and schedule jobs. In all honesty, I could probably run the meeting. All I’d have to do was ask if there’s any new business, write down what the new business was so I could tell Kristy, and then tell Kristy if she got scheduled for any new jobs while she was gone. And then I’d stare into space because I’d have no idea what the fuck I should talk about. I mean, obviously I would have to talk about kids. I guess I could talk about my cousins.
I wonder how Kristy would react to someone taking over as president while she was gone. I wonder if she’d come into a meeting late and get mad because Dawn or Claudia was acting as president. I could totally see her complaining that she was the president and they were trying to usurp her. I’d be like, “Bitch, it’s 5:45. Were we just supposed to sit on our asses and not answer the phone because you weren’t here to tell us to?”
Everyone is still waiting for Kristy to come. So I guess they’re all just sitting around staring at the wall because Kristy isn’t there to tell them what to do. Of course, I don’t think they really have anything to do other than wait for the phone to ring. Kristy comes in and tells them that Shannon is missing. David Michael was playing with her outside and then went to get a ball. He tied her up outside and when he got back, she was gone. The chain wasn’t broken. Dawn is like, “Wow, this is basically the same thing that happened to me. I’m not going to think about it any more.”
Kristy is just as casual as the Mancusis about their dog disappearing. She’s just like, “I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually.” Maybe this is a way to disguise how worried she is or maybe she’s just in denial. I’d be a little bit more worried than just, “Oh, I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually,” if my dog just vanished from the yard. Then again, my dog’s an inside dog. I’m paranoid that if I let him roam around outside he’ll get hit by a car or run away. I know some of our neighbors let their dogs run around the neighborhood and they usually go back home.
Mary Anne suggests making signs saying that Shannon and Cheryl are lost. Claudia designs missing dog posters for Cheryl and Shannon while the BSC discuss what could have happened. Yet again, Dawn realizes the same thing happened to her and she doesn’t think it might not be a coincidence. After the meeting ends, Dawn realizes that she forgot to bring up the green car following them and to remind the cult to discuss stranger danger with the younger kids. I’ve heard that close friends and family are more likely to kidnap or hurt you than a stranger, but I’m not sure how true that is.
Chapter 7
Dawn comes home to find Sharon cooking vegetable curry, brown rice, and seaweed salad. I’ve never tried brown rice. I wonder what kind of curry Sharon is making. My mom’s from Trinidad, so I’m used to curry, but I don’t know if Trinidadian curry is different from Thai curry or what. I think it might be. When I look up curry recipes, they’re different from what my mom makes.When my mom makes curry, she usually makes it with chicken, beef, or shrimp. I hate curry. The most positive thing I can say about curry is that I’ve learned to tolerate it. In my family, not liking curry is the same thing as not liking I Love Lucy, Wizard of Oz, or babysitting in BSCland. Okay, I like curry crab and dumplings, and curry mango. We had curry crab and dumpings for dinner the other day. But the gravy for curry crab and dumplings tastes different, and curry mango is acid. I like acid things. I used to get so annoyed at my mom because she’d always bother me about how I can eat curry mango but not curry chicken. I was like, “Because mango and chicken taste completely different!”
Mary Anne comes in and asks if the garbage disposal backed up because it smells. Yeah, I can totally relate. The smell of curry is freaking overpowering. My house will still reek of it two days later. Dawn is appalled at Mary Anne daring to have a negative opinion on her precious health food, even though Dawn talks shit about other people’s dietary choices all the time. When Dawn says that it’s dinner and Sharon is making it special, Mary Anne is polite and says she’s sure it will taste good, she just isn’t used to the smell. I’m sure that Dawn would have bitched if Richard made meatloaf, even if he made something Dawn would like. She probably would have said that it smelled like dog shit and she wouldn’t have been polite like Mary Anne.
Sharon is considerate and made lasagna for Richard and Mary Anne because she respects the fact that Richard and Mary Anne have different food preferences than she does. There are times when mom will let me eat something other than curry because she knows I hate it. She made curry beef yesterday and got me something else when she went to get roti for the curry. I’m sure Dawn would have served soybean curry with bean sprout salad and acted shocked when Mary Anne and Richard didn’t want to eat it. Dawn just likes to eat the nastiest sounding health food imaginable so she can feel special. If she’s having a party, she won’t serve vegetables and dip or maybe a fruit bowl or something that people would enjoy. No, she’ll serve soybean pie or some shit like that.
Mary Anne thanks Sharon for making something for her and Richard and says she’ll try a bite of the curry, which is more than Dawn would have done. The only time Dawn will try a new food is when a cute boy is telling her to try it. Dawn says it took a long time for the family to live together happily, but they’re getting there. I didn’t realize making food that you’ll like and food that your spouse will like was such a novel concept. Then again, these girls will probably take compromise as a sign of weakness. I can also see Dawn acting like it’s a huge sacrifice to make a dish she personally dislikes for her husband. I wonder if my mom thinks making tacos for me and my brother is a huge sacrifice, even if she has food she likes that she can eat.
Dawn goes to change out of her school clothes. She mentions that she never wears anything uncomfortable. When she got that makeover to get some dick, did she mention if the clothes were comfortable or not? Dawn goes down for dinner and notices that Mary Anne eats two helpings of lasagna before trying the tofu curry. At least she tried the tofu curry, Dawn. I doubt you would have tried something new unless a cute boy said it was good. For me, trying new foods depends on the type of food and what ingredients are used. For example, I love soup, so I’d try a new soup. I like looking up simple soup recipes for me to try and make. I don’t like fish, but depending on the ingredients used on the fish, I might be willing to try it.
Sharon asks if Richard wants to try the tofu and Richard lies and says he’s full. Unlike Dawn, Sharon doesn’t throw a tantrum at the fact that someone doesn’t want to eat food that she likes. Instead she just laughs and tells Richard that he’s a shitty liar and that she respects the fact that he doesn’t like her health food. Dawn should take a lesson from her mom. Sharon also says that she knows it’s impossible to convert someone to a health food diet if they don’t want to be converted. Dawn should really take a lesson from her mom. Dawn is just so pushy about her diet that even if I liked her health food, I’d lie and say I didn’t because I don’t want to like anything she likes. And because I really hate it when people keep pushing me to do something. I said I don’t want to try this food, so leave me alone. I’ll try it if I damn well feel like it, but you constantly nagging at me to try it isn’t going to make me eager to try it.
Sharon said she made something they all would like for dessert. She made pie. Is pie really healthy? Can you make healthy versions of pie? I don’t know. But I like Sharon’s willingness to compromise. I am totally going to get a slice of lemon meringue pie after this and imagine Dawn throwing a tantrum while I eat it. I would consider throwing a pie at Dawn, but that is a waste of perfectly good pie.
Oh, and Dawn decides not to mention that Mary Anne and Richard will eat the pie, but not the curry because she doesn’t want to stir up trouble. Why the fuck do you care that Richard and Mary Anne will eat pie and not curry? Do you take it as a personal insult? Do you expect them to try every single health food dish ever? My mom hates tea. I don’t spend my time trying to convert her into a tea lover. Not everyone will like the same food as you. Get over it. Besides, if Mary Anne and Richard don’t eat the health food, it means more for you.
Dawn reads a newspaper article telling us the plot of this book. Dogs are being stolen. The cops think it’s a ring of professional thieves. Dawn remembers that she saw a green car and thinks it might belong to the dog thief. She decides to call the police, but then decides against it because she didn’t get the license number. I thought you guys were going to bring up the fact that the car may have been stalking you and some kids. But I guess this isn’t important. The BSC decides to try and find the car so they can report it to the police and Dawn can feel less guilty
Chapter 8
The BSC gathers to search for a car. Dawn makes everyone write stuff down so they can have a detailed report to submit to the police. The BSC teases Dawn, but Dawn is too busy imagining herself solving the case and having a parade thrown in her honor to care. They split up and stake out dog napping spots, such as the park and the Mancusis. They don’t see any suspicious behavior, but Kristy did get a few odd looks. People probably recognized her as the leader of the cult. Or maybe they were wondering why the hell Kristy smelled like a rotting corpse.
Dawn and Kristy are riding around when they see the car parked in front of a house. Kristy wonders what the car is doing in this neighborhood. I’m pretty sure the driver is there to steal a dog or at least scout out the location, but for all Kristy and Dawn know, the driver could live there or be visiting friends. They don’t actually know who the driver is. Kristy is all set to march up to the driver and yell at him for stealing dogs. I would laugh so hard if the guy was totally innocent and Kristy just made a fool out of herself yelling at him.
Dawn tells Kristy she’s going to take down the license plate number while Kristy keeps watch. Miraculously, Kristy doesn’t throw a tantrum at being ordered about. I would hate working with someone like Kristy. Imagine what a huge pain in the ass it would be to not be able to make a suggestion without someone throwing a tantrum and saying their idea is better. Dawn takes down the license plate number and she and Kristy go to the police. I’m shocked Kristy isn’t going with her original idea of confronting the thief herself. I was sure she’d try torturing him or something. Maybe she could lock him in a room full of her dirty laundry. Or maybe she should lock him in a room with Dawn. I’m sure those are highly effective torture methods.
Dawn tells the cop at the desk that she got the license plate of the dognapper’s car. She expects the cop’s mouth to fall open in disbelief. I think Dawn just wants to solve this mystery so she can feed her ego. She probably hopes that there’ll be a newspaper article that describes her as a being purer than a unicorn with a silvery laugh that heals everyone or some shit. The cop doesn’t immediately ask Dawn to join the force while praising her detective skills. Instead he asks why she thinks that car is the one. Dawn says she just does. I don’t know if that’s a valid reason. Do cops need something more to go on besides, “I just do, or I just know” while they’re investigating? I mean, if someone calls the police tip line to say that they think their neighbor is involved with a crime because they just have a hunch, do the cops investigate the neighbor?
The cop tells Dawn and Kristy to go away and tries to go back to his work. Dawn begs him to look up the license plate number she took down and he does. However, he doesn’t immediately look up the license plate number. Dawn and Kristy leave.
Chapter 9
Some bullshit about the baseball game. I don’t give a fuck about baseball, so I’m skimming. We pause for a moment to get a history lesson on how David Michael got Shannon. Mary Anne comes over to say that the pet store is closed on a Saturday, which she finds stupid. Claire, Suzi, and Patsy come to protest. They’ve made signs saying that the Krashers are mean and unfair and are picketing. How do four year olds know about protesting? How do they know how to make signs and march? I thought their form of protesting was just throwing a tantrum. Anyway, Kristy says they can be equipment managers. The girls are placated. The end.
Jackie is handing out equipment and of course Dawn has to make a crack about Jackie being a walking disaster. Seriously, the BSC acts like he trips and spills things on purpose just to fuck with them. I’m pretty sure the girls suck at hiding their disdainful and impatient expressions when Jackie is clumsy. Maybe that makes him nervous. When I was working at a tea store, I had to scoop loose leaf tea into a bag for the customers. I was clumsy and slow and had a hard time opening the bag. My boss told me I needed to be faster, so whenever she was around I’d try to be faster, but that just made it worse. I was thinking, “The customer and my boss probably think I’m an idiot girl.” It was the same thing when my boss wanted me to try and sell more stuff. I’m shy, so going up to a person and trying to convince them to buy 170 teapots was not my idea of fun. Every time I spoke to the customer I was like, “I’m fucking up, I’m fucking up, I’m fucking up.”
Mary Anne comes over to say that the pet shop is closed on Saturday. Dawn expects the cops to have called her when she gets home, but they don’t. If someone gives the cops a tip, do the cops get back in contact with a person? Or maybe it takes more than one day for cops to investigate a tip. I’m not sure about the time frame here.
Chapter 10
During dinner Sharon mentions that she was downtown. Dawn gets butthurt because obviously the cops tried to call and Sharon wasn’t home. Dawn whines about Sharon leaving the house and Sharon is like, “I’m a grown ass woman, I don’t need my daughter’s permission to go out.” Dawn whines that she was expecting an important call. Obviously the cops were calling to tell her that she single handedly solved the case and they’d like her to be a member of the force. Sharon says she has better things to do than sit around at home and play answering machine for daughter. Dawn honestly pushes her plate of food away and folds her arms across her chest. The image of her sulking is hilarious.
Sharon says that she’s sure the person will call back. Dawn doesn’t tell Sharon that she’s expecting a call from the cops because she and Richard will probably be upset at her chasing criminals. The next day Dawn makes everyone stay off the phone in case the cops call. They don’t. So Dawn decides to go to them and demand to know why they haven’t called her back. The cop is very disinterested in Dawn. Turns out they did run the license plate and the car belongs to Karl Tate, the richest man in Stoneybrook. The cop says that Karl Tate is the richest man in Stoneybrook, so he wouldn’t waste his time stealing dogs. I don’t know, I’m sure some rich people have some weird hobbies.
The cop tells Dawn that the case is a priority for them, but they have their own professional investigation going. I’d like for the cops to be like, “We know how to run an investigation without help from thirteen year old girls.” Dawn is disappointed. I think she’s just disappointed that she’s wrong and no one will be kissing her ass for solving the crime. Mary Anne and Kristy want to go to the pet store. Dawn tags along because the cop told her to leave the investigation to the cops and now she has nothing else to do. Well, you can knock on random doors and see if there are any kids around for you to babysit. Or maybe you can get offended by something totally random and start a protest. I swear Dawn is like those people on the Internet who are constantly offended at everything. I go online and I’m like, “What dumbass shit are you guys going to be offended by today?”
They go to the pet store and Dawn whines about Mary Anne and Kristy wanting to coo at the puppies. Yes, because we must all spend all our time doing what Dawn wants. Why doesn’t Dawn just fuck off? It’s not like she wants to be here. It’s just a real mood killer going somewhere with a person who makes it quite obvious that they don’t want to be there and spend half the time sulking. Dawn also has to whine about Mary Anne and Kristy having a lot of pets because their house will be a mess or have a bunch of animals. I don’t know. I started skimming when I read about Dawn’s whining. Honestly, Dawn is the type of person who will be like, “You can’t like that because it’s problematic or the creator or the actor said something problematic or some shit.” She’ll be like, “I disapprove of it and therefore no one is allowed to like it.”
Mr. Tate is at the pet store. He’s in the office talking to some people and he’s angry. Dawn, Kristy and Mary Anne stare, so Mr. Tate closes the blinds. This prompts Dawn and her friends to think that something is fishy about Mr. Tate and he has something to do with the dog nappings. What’s your evidence? Are you just going to go to the cops and say, “We think Mr. Tate took the dogs because he was at the pet store and he was arguing with some people? When he saw us looking, he closed the blinds?” Maybe he wanted privacy? Some people don’t like arguing in public. Maybe he didn’t want nosy thirteen year olds gaping at him? There could have been a perfectly rational explanation why he was upset. But no, Dawn has a hunch that he’s the bad guy, and in this world, hunches win out over actual investigation.
Sorry I’ve been gone for a while, guys. It was a combination of laziness, writer’s block, and the fact that I got my first full time job. At least now I have a plausible excuse. Before I had ample time to snark, I just didn’t feel like doing it.
Chapter 6
During the next BSC meeting, Mallory is telling the rest of them about Claire’s tantrum. Apparently Claire started to pull up grass and throw it in the air. I feel so bad for Mallory. I think I would have started crying myself or stood by helplessly until someone competent came to deal with Claire. My parents, aunts and uncles, and older cousins would have known what to do. I would have just muttered, “Stop it,” and then done nothing. I seriously would have been like, “I should obviously stop them. Should I raise my voice? Do I drag her home? Do I ignore her?” This is why I’m not in the child care business. My first reaction when a child says hi to me is to stand still for twenty seconds before going, “Uh….hi?” And then thinking, “Should I smile? Ok, can I leave now?”
I just get nervous when I have to be in any position of authority. I can’t really see Mr. and Mrs. Pike giving a shit. They’d probably let their kids run around like wild animals at the grocery. I can just see one of the kids crashing a cart into a display of items on purpose.
Stacey asks what the rest of them think of this bright sparkly orange nail polish. Mallory says it’s kind of wild. It’s nail polish. But then again, I don’t pay too much attention to nail polish. I never really considered nail polish to be wild. Maybe Mallory needs to get out more. Mallory says her mom would never let her wear the nail polish. Why? What harm can nail polish do? It’s not like the Pikes are a really strict and conservative family. They basically let their kids do whatever they want. Does Mrs. Pike think that nail polish is inappropriate for an eleven year old girl? I know some parents might not want their eleven year old to wear makeup, but nail polish seems harmless enough. Is there some sort of trend where the color you paint your nails indicate what sex act you’re willing to perform and sparkly orange means you’ll let someone do anal? Does Mrs. Pike think the color orange is tacky? I don’t like orange nail polish, but I don’t see the harm in wearing it. It’s nail polish. It’s not like Mallory says she wants to dress like a hooker when she goes to school.
Kristy hasn’t arrived at the meeting yet. The rest of the club is in shock. They decide to do a countdown when it’s about to be 5:30. Kristy still doesn’t arrive and everyone is in shock and ready to panic. It’s only five-thirty one. Maybe you should give Kristy a few more minutes before you start calling the cops. Maybe she got caught up in a project and didn’t realize the time. Or maybe she’s stuck in traffic. I just had the image of a BSC member getting pulled over by a cop because they were speeding and explaining to the officer, “ I was only going eighty in a forty zone because I had to get to the BSC meeting.” I’m sure the BSC would rather get a traffic ticket than face Kristy’s look. I’m sure that if a BSC member got into an accident, Kristy would be like, “No, you’re not going to the hospital to be checked out. You’re coming to the meeting.
Of course, I would totally use this opportunity to tease Kristy about being late after all the bullshit she gives everyone for even being a minute late. Hell, I’d lock her outside the room and make her listen while we conducted the meeting without her. Then again, I’m sure she’d remove Claudia’s door from the hinges.
I just remembered how Jessi was usually in a state of panic when driving from ballet lessons to the BSC meetings. Now I’m imagining her getting out of the car to run if she got stuck in traffic or urging her parents to break a red light if there aren’t any cars coming. It’s 5:36 and
Kristy still isn’t here. The rest of the girls are sitting around like bumps on a log because they can’t do anything without Kristy telling them to. I’m pretty sure they’d wait to piss until Kristy told them to.
Mary Anne asks nervously if they should start the meeting. She’s probably afraid that Kristy will beat her up because someone else was the leader. Even if Kristy isn’t the leader, she’ll still try to take over or undermine the actual authority figure. Dawn gets nervous because she’ll have to be the president. I’m sure that if Kristy died, she’d find some way to come back as a ghost or a zombie so that she could still lead the BSC. Also, Claudia is the vice president. I thought the vice president usually took over for the president. Does this mean Dawn outranks Claudia? I can’t really see Claudia caring if Dawn wants to be president. I’m pretty sure that Dawn would throw a tantrum if someone asked if Claudia should be the one to run a meeting in Kristy’s absence since she’s the vice president.
Dawn is nervous about stepping into Kristy’s shoes. Is Kristy’s job really that hard? I can understand if she’s coordinating a project or something, but is presiding over a regular BSC meeting really that hard? Doesn’t she just ask, “Any new business?” and that’s basically it? Stacey is the one who collects dues and Mary Anne is in charge of keeping everyone’s schedules straight. I thought all the BSC did during a typical meeting was wait for the phone to ring and schedule jobs. In all honesty, I could probably run the meeting. All I’d have to do was ask if there’s any new business, write down what the new business was so I could tell Kristy, and then tell Kristy if she got scheduled for any new jobs while she was gone. And then I’d stare into space because I’d have no idea what the fuck I should talk about. I mean, obviously I would have to talk about kids. I guess I could talk about my cousins.
I wonder how Kristy would react to someone taking over as president while she was gone. I wonder if she’d come into a meeting late and get mad because Dawn or Claudia was acting as president. I could totally see her complaining that she was the president and they were trying to usurp her. I’d be like, “Bitch, it’s 5:45. Were we just supposed to sit on our asses and not answer the phone because you weren’t here to tell us to?”
Everyone is still waiting for Kristy to come. So I guess they’re all just sitting around staring at the wall because Kristy isn’t there to tell them what to do. Of course, I don’t think they really have anything to do other than wait for the phone to ring. Kristy comes in and tells them that Shannon is missing. David Michael was playing with her outside and then went to get a ball. He tied her up outside and when he got back, she was gone. The chain wasn’t broken. Dawn is like, “Wow, this is basically the same thing that happened to me. I’m not going to think about it any more.”
Kristy is just as casual as the Mancusis about their dog disappearing. She’s just like, “I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually.” Maybe this is a way to disguise how worried she is or maybe she’s just in denial. I’d be a little bit more worried than just, “Oh, I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually,” if my dog just vanished from the yard. Then again, my dog’s an inside dog. I’m paranoid that if I let him roam around outside he’ll get hit by a car or run away. I know some of our neighbors let their dogs run around the neighborhood and they usually go back home.
Mary Anne suggests making signs saying that Shannon and Cheryl are lost. Claudia designs missing dog posters for Cheryl and Shannon while the BSC discuss what could have happened. Yet again, Dawn realizes the same thing happened to her and she doesn’t think it might not be a coincidence. After the meeting ends, Dawn realizes that she forgot to bring up the green car following them and to remind the cult to discuss stranger danger with the younger kids. I’ve heard that close friends and family are more likely to kidnap or hurt you than a stranger, but I’m not sure how true that is.
Chapter 7
Dawn comes home to find Sharon cooking vegetable curry, brown rice, and seaweed salad. I’ve never tried brown rice. I wonder what kind of curry Sharon is making. My mom’s from Trinidad, so I’m used to curry, but I don’t know if Trinidadian curry is different from Thai curry or what. I think it might be. When I look up curry recipes, they’re different from what my mom makes.When my mom makes curry, she usually makes it with chicken, beef, or shrimp. I hate curry. The most positive thing I can say about curry is that I’ve learned to tolerate it. In my family, not liking curry is the same thing as not liking I Love Lucy, Wizard of Oz, or babysitting in BSCland. Okay, I like curry crab and dumplings, and curry mango. We had curry crab and dumpings for dinner the other day. But the gravy for curry crab and dumplings tastes different, and curry mango is acid. I like acid things. I used to get so annoyed at my mom because she’d always bother me about how I can eat curry mango but not curry chicken. I was like, “Because mango and chicken taste completely different!”
Mary Anne comes in and asks if the garbage disposal backed up because it smells. Yeah, I can totally relate. The smell of curry is freaking overpowering. My house will still reek of it two days later. Dawn is appalled at Mary Anne daring to have a negative opinion on her precious health food, even though Dawn talks shit about other people’s dietary choices all the time. When Dawn says that it’s dinner and Sharon is making it special, Mary Anne is polite and says she’s sure it will taste good, she just isn’t used to the smell. I’m sure that Dawn would have bitched if Richard made meatloaf, even if he made something Dawn would like. She probably would have said that it smelled like dog shit and she wouldn’t have been polite like Mary Anne.
Sharon is considerate and made lasagna for Richard and Mary Anne because she respects the fact that Richard and Mary Anne have different food preferences than she does. There are times when mom will let me eat something other than curry because she knows I hate it. She made curry beef yesterday and got me something else when she went to get roti for the curry. I’m sure Dawn would have served soybean curry with bean sprout salad and acted shocked when Mary Anne and Richard didn’t want to eat it. Dawn just likes to eat the nastiest sounding health food imaginable so she can feel special. If she’s having a party, she won’t serve vegetables and dip or maybe a fruit bowl or something that people would enjoy. No, she’ll serve soybean pie or some shit like that.
Mary Anne thanks Sharon for making something for her and Richard and says she’ll try a bite of the curry, which is more than Dawn would have done. The only time Dawn will try a new food is when a cute boy is telling her to try it. Dawn says it took a long time for the family to live together happily, but they’re getting there. I didn’t realize making food that you’ll like and food that your spouse will like was such a novel concept. Then again, these girls will probably take compromise as a sign of weakness. I can also see Dawn acting like it’s a huge sacrifice to make a dish she personally dislikes for her husband. I wonder if my mom thinks making tacos for me and my brother is a huge sacrifice, even if she has food she likes that she can eat.
Dawn goes to change out of her school clothes. She mentions that she never wears anything uncomfortable. When she got that makeover to get some dick, did she mention if the clothes were comfortable or not? Dawn goes down for dinner and notices that Mary Anne eats two helpings of lasagna before trying the tofu curry. At least she tried the tofu curry, Dawn. I doubt you would have tried something new unless a cute boy said it was good. For me, trying new foods depends on the type of food and what ingredients are used. For example, I love soup, so I’d try a new soup. I like looking up simple soup recipes for me to try and make. I don’t like fish, but depending on the ingredients used on the fish, I might be willing to try it.
Sharon asks if Richard wants to try the tofu and Richard lies and says he’s full. Unlike Dawn, Sharon doesn’t throw a tantrum at the fact that someone doesn’t want to eat food that she likes. Instead she just laughs and tells Richard that he’s a shitty liar and that she respects the fact that he doesn’t like her health food. Dawn should take a lesson from her mom. Sharon also says that she knows it’s impossible to convert someone to a health food diet if they don’t want to be converted. Dawn should really take a lesson from her mom. Dawn is just so pushy about her diet that even if I liked her health food, I’d lie and say I didn’t because I don’t want to like anything she likes. And because I really hate it when people keep pushing me to do something. I said I don’t want to try this food, so leave me alone. I’ll try it if I damn well feel like it, but you constantly nagging at me to try it isn’t going to make me eager to try it.
Sharon said she made something they all would like for dessert. She made pie. Is pie really healthy? Can you make healthy versions of pie? I don’t know. But I like Sharon’s willingness to compromise. I am totally going to get a slice of lemon meringue pie after this and imagine Dawn throwing a tantrum while I eat it. I would consider throwing a pie at Dawn, but that is a waste of perfectly good pie.
Oh, and Dawn decides not to mention that Mary Anne and Richard will eat the pie, but not the curry because she doesn’t want to stir up trouble. Why the fuck do you care that Richard and Mary Anne will eat pie and not curry? Do you take it as a personal insult? Do you expect them to try every single health food dish ever? My mom hates tea. I don’t spend my time trying to convert her into a tea lover. Not everyone will like the same food as you. Get over it. Besides, if Mary Anne and Richard don’t eat the health food, it means more for you.
Dawn reads a newspaper article telling us the plot of this book. Dogs are being stolen. The cops think it’s a ring of professional thieves. Dawn remembers that she saw a green car and thinks it might belong to the dog thief. She decides to call the police, but then decides against it because she didn’t get the license number. I thought you guys were going to bring up the fact that the car may have been stalking you and some kids. But I guess this isn’t important. The BSC decides to try and find the car so they can report it to the police and Dawn can feel less guilty
Chapter 8
The BSC gathers to search for a car. Dawn makes everyone write stuff down so they can have a detailed report to submit to the police. The BSC teases Dawn, but Dawn is too busy imagining herself solving the case and having a parade thrown in her honor to care. They split up and stake out dog napping spots, such as the park and the Mancusis. They don’t see any suspicious behavior, but Kristy did get a few odd looks. People probably recognized her as the leader of the cult. Or maybe they were wondering why the hell Kristy smelled like a rotting corpse.
Dawn and Kristy are riding around when they see the car parked in front of a house. Kristy wonders what the car is doing in this neighborhood. I’m pretty sure the driver is there to steal a dog or at least scout out the location, but for all Kristy and Dawn know, the driver could live there or be visiting friends. They don’t actually know who the driver is. Kristy is all set to march up to the driver and yell at him for stealing dogs. I would laugh so hard if the guy was totally innocent and Kristy just made a fool out of herself yelling at him.
Dawn tells Kristy she’s going to take down the license plate number while Kristy keeps watch. Miraculously, Kristy doesn’t throw a tantrum at being ordered about. I would hate working with someone like Kristy. Imagine what a huge pain in the ass it would be to not be able to make a suggestion without someone throwing a tantrum and saying their idea is better. Dawn takes down the license plate number and she and Kristy go to the police. I’m shocked Kristy isn’t going with her original idea of confronting the thief herself. I was sure she’d try torturing him or something. Maybe she could lock him in a room full of her dirty laundry. Or maybe she should lock him in a room with Dawn. I’m sure those are highly effective torture methods.
Dawn tells the cop at the desk that she got the license plate of the dognapper’s car. She expects the cop’s mouth to fall open in disbelief. I think Dawn just wants to solve this mystery so she can feed her ego. She probably hopes that there’ll be a newspaper article that describes her as a being purer than a unicorn with a silvery laugh that heals everyone or some shit. The cop doesn’t immediately ask Dawn to join the force while praising her detective skills. Instead he asks why she thinks that car is the one. Dawn says she just does. I don’t know if that’s a valid reason. Do cops need something more to go on besides, “I just do, or I just know” while they’re investigating? I mean, if someone calls the police tip line to say that they think their neighbor is involved with a crime because they just have a hunch, do the cops investigate the neighbor?
The cop tells Dawn and Kristy to go away and tries to go back to his work. Dawn begs him to look up the license plate number she took down and he does. However, he doesn’t immediately look up the license plate number. Dawn and Kristy leave.
Chapter 9
Some bullshit about the baseball game. I don’t give a fuck about baseball, so I’m skimming. We pause for a moment to get a history lesson on how David Michael got Shannon. Mary Anne comes over to say that the pet store is closed on a Saturday, which she finds stupid. Claire, Suzi, and Patsy come to protest. They’ve made signs saying that the Krashers are mean and unfair and are picketing. How do four year olds know about protesting? How do they know how to make signs and march? I thought their form of protesting was just throwing a tantrum. Anyway, Kristy says they can be equipment managers. The girls are placated. The end.
Jackie is handing out equipment and of course Dawn has to make a crack about Jackie being a walking disaster. Seriously, the BSC acts like he trips and spills things on purpose just to fuck with them. I’m pretty sure the girls suck at hiding their disdainful and impatient expressions when Jackie is clumsy. Maybe that makes him nervous. When I was working at a tea store, I had to scoop loose leaf tea into a bag for the customers. I was clumsy and slow and had a hard time opening the bag. My boss told me I needed to be faster, so whenever she was around I’d try to be faster, but that just made it worse. I was thinking, “The customer and my boss probably think I’m an idiot girl.” It was the same thing when my boss wanted me to try and sell more stuff. I’m shy, so going up to a person and trying to convince them to buy 170 teapots was not my idea of fun. Every time I spoke to the customer I was like, “I’m fucking up, I’m fucking up, I’m fucking up.”
Mary Anne comes over to say that the pet shop is closed on Saturday. Dawn expects the cops to have called her when she gets home, but they don’t. If someone gives the cops a tip, do the cops get back in contact with a person? Or maybe it takes more than one day for cops to investigate a tip. I’m not sure about the time frame here.
Chapter 10
During dinner Sharon mentions that she was downtown. Dawn gets butthurt because obviously the cops tried to call and Sharon wasn’t home. Dawn whines about Sharon leaving the house and Sharon is like, “I’m a grown ass woman, I don’t need my daughter’s permission to go out.” Dawn whines that she was expecting an important call. Obviously the cops were calling to tell her that she single handedly solved the case and they’d like her to be a member of the force. Sharon says she has better things to do than sit around at home and play answering machine for daughter. Dawn honestly pushes her plate of food away and folds her arms across her chest. The image of her sulking is hilarious.
Sharon says that she’s sure the person will call back. Dawn doesn’t tell Sharon that she’s expecting a call from the cops because she and Richard will probably be upset at her chasing criminals. The next day Dawn makes everyone stay off the phone in case the cops call. They don’t. So Dawn decides to go to them and demand to know why they haven’t called her back. The cop is very disinterested in Dawn. Turns out they did run the license plate and the car belongs to Karl Tate, the richest man in Stoneybrook. The cop says that Karl Tate is the richest man in Stoneybrook, so he wouldn’t waste his time stealing dogs. I don’t know, I’m sure some rich people have some weird hobbies.
The cop tells Dawn that the case is a priority for them, but they have their own professional investigation going. I’d like for the cops to be like, “We know how to run an investigation without help from thirteen year old girls.” Dawn is disappointed. I think she’s just disappointed that she’s wrong and no one will be kissing her ass for solving the crime. Mary Anne and Kristy want to go to the pet store. Dawn tags along because the cop told her to leave the investigation to the cops and now she has nothing else to do. Well, you can knock on random doors and see if there are any kids around for you to babysit. Or maybe you can get offended by something totally random and start a protest. I swear Dawn is like those people on the Internet who are constantly offended at everything. I go online and I’m like, “What dumbass shit are you guys going to be offended by today?”
They go to the pet store and Dawn whines about Mary Anne and Kristy wanting to coo at the puppies. Yes, because we must all spend all our time doing what Dawn wants. Why doesn’t Dawn just fuck off? It’s not like she wants to be here. It’s just a real mood killer going somewhere with a person who makes it quite obvious that they don’t want to be there and spend half the time sulking. Dawn also has to whine about Mary Anne and Kristy having a lot of pets because their house will be a mess or have a bunch of animals. I don’t know. I started skimming when I read about Dawn’s whining. Honestly, Dawn is the type of person who will be like, “You can’t like that because it’s problematic or the creator or the actor said something problematic or some shit.” She’ll be like, “I disapprove of it and therefore no one is allowed to like it.”
Mr. Tate is at the pet store. He’s in the office talking to some people and he’s angry. Dawn, Kristy and Mary Anne stare, so Mr. Tate closes the blinds. This prompts Dawn and her friends to think that something is fishy about Mr. Tate and he has something to do with the dog nappings. What’s your evidence? Are you just going to go to the cops and say, “We think Mr. Tate took the dogs because he was at the pet store and he was arguing with some people? When he saw us looking, he closed the blinds?” Maybe he wanted privacy? Some people don’t like arguing in public. Maybe he didn’t want nosy thirteen year olds gaping at him? There could have been a perfectly rational explanation why he was upset. But no, Dawn has a hunch that he’s the bad guy, and in this world, hunches win out over actual investigation.