BSC #18 - Stacey's Mistake
So I opened my snark document, aiming to get ready to erase it all and start a new snark, and the first words I see are:
Stacey is a fucking idiot.
I am taking this as a sign that Stacey's Mistake is a good choice.
I don't have the cover to hand, but I remember it well, and they 100% nailed one of the dinosaur rooms in AMNH. I practically lived there as a kid growing up in NYC (my dad was a huge science nerd and took me at least once a month; I loved it. I still do, but nobody wants to go with me now :/ ) and they did have those weird orange railings and everything. And I swear I remember the dinosaur skeleton being accurate to the one that would have been in that position as well; I could be wrong, though. Still, the cover has always impressed me.
But on to the text.
Stacey's hanging out in her bedroom, reading a postcard from Claudia and expositing about the BSC's upcoming visit when a giant roach runs across her bedroom. Stacey whines that anywhere else roaches would stick to "greasy kitchens" and laundry rooms and the like, but in NYC, they're fucking everywhere.
AMM, with your giant boner for the city, I would think you wouldn't start off painting the city in such a gross light. Still, while I share AMM's giant boner for my home city (I love it here, and knowing that I'll eventually have to move breaks my heart), I have to admit she's right. It doesn't matter how clean you are; as soon as the weather shifts, you're going to get infested with something. We tend to cycle between spiders and roaches. Occasionally centipedes, but thank Christ I haven't seen one in a while. Spiders I will escort out to the hallway where I hope they'll eat some assholes that would otherwise try to move into our apartment. Roaches get sprayed with Windex while I scream and dance around and make someone else remove the corpse. I am fucking terrified of the giant roaches.
Okay, sorry I had to bore you all with stories of my cockroach problems. My point is, AMM is right but it's also not very pleasant.
Stacey swings right into talking about the schizophrenic homeless woman who lives on her street. Guys, are we SURE AMM likes NYC? Apparently Judy is nice when she's in a "good mood" but scary when she's in a "bad mood." It's pretty obvious that she has a severe and untreated mental illness; she's described as screaming weird things at nothing and not recognizing Stacey. Which may well be why she's homeless. It's not that I expect AMM to get into the intricacies of homelessness, but describing mental episodes as "moods" is pretty awful.
Stacey then says this without a hint of irony:
I see Judy at least twice a day (when I go back and forth between my nice, comfortable doorman apartment building and my nice, comfortable private school), and I have an idea of what her life is like. Although I’m sure you can’t completely understand homelessness until you’ve experienced it.
Stacey, walking past someone twice a day doesn't mean you have the slightest idea of what their life is like. She describes how she spends all her time in the elements, sleeps on subway grates and "begs for handouts" (another really gross description; goddammit, Stacey, she's not fudging her taxes to pay for a second yacht, she wants some food that day or maybe tampons.)
The adults in Stacey's building decide to hold a meeting to discuss how they can solve homelessness or something. It's really not made clear what they hope to accomplish.
She decides that since all the kids in the building will need sitters, the sensible thing is to invite the BSC to crash with them to babysit with Stacey. Instead of, you know, finding other sitters in a city of several million people. Yeah, that makes sense.
Mrs. McGill is at least reasonably concerned at first, saying that just Claudia might be okay, but not everyone - but Stacey begs until her parents relent.
Have they ever said how many rooms - not even bedrooms, just ROOMS - are in this apartment?? My girlfriend lives in a McGill-type apartment, and it's HUGE by NYC standards (I believe I said "holy shit" the first time I was inside it), but you couldn't comfortably house five teen girls in it unless you had no furniture.
Chapter 2.
Stacey describes Mary Anne as having a crush on the city, and that's both creepy and accurate.
Mrs. McGill tells Stacey to "have fun and be careful" and Stacey mentally snarks at this. It's obnoxious but it's also really funny. Remember when Stacey was funny/sarcastic instead of your average spoiled brat?
Stacey insists she's not spoiled by living in a doorman building, because it's for security reasons, but it's nice to have someone open doors for her. Yeah, you're not spoiled at all.
Mrs. McGill tells Stacey to take a cab since she's alone. I have to say at thirteen I think she'd be okay taking the subway or bus herself - I regularly took the city bus home from the Upper East Side after school in high school, and a friend of mine came into Manhattan from the Bronx by subway to get there. It's really not uncommon. But cabs are also much more pleasant, smell less like urine than the subway and don't take as long as the bus, so really, if you're getting cab fare you might as well use it.
Anyway, typical chapter 2 shit.
know I said that all the girls in the club are different, but there are some similarities between Claudia and me. The two main ones are our taste and the fact that we are (face it) sort of sophisticated
What does "face it" even mean in this context?! And yeah, nothing says "sophisticated" like dressing like Miss Frizzle.
Mallory and Jessi aren't coming because Stacey barely knows Mal and doesn't know Jessi at all. I'm impressed that adults are behaving semi-reasonably in this book.
Then we get this laugh riot:
Dawn is a real individual. She’s a health-food freak. She does things her own way and doesn’t care what people think of her. I guess that means she has a lot of self-confidence.
We all know the reasons this is crap, right? I don't have to elaborate?
Not much else going on here.
Chapter 3
The BSC gets lost trying to find Stacey in Grand Central. They find each other a half hour late, and Dawn looks ready to piss herself in terror while Mary Anne looks like she wants to fellate the city, were such a thing possible.
Stacey's embarrassed because Mary Anne has a map and guidebook out, then embarrassed again when she realizes that Claudia's giant suitcase is on wheels. Apparently this is embarrassing because only old ladies have those? IDK I see people with them all the time.
Kristy's hungry and asks if they can check out the Hard Rock Cafe. (You know, I've never been there; at least not to the one here.) Dawn continues to fret:
The Hard Rock Cafe?” repeated Dawn. “Is that in a safe neighborhood?”
I looked at Dawn curiously. Where was all that self-confidence?
No, Dawn, Stacey is going to take you to an unsafe neighborhood. She wants to get you in the middle of a gang turf war so she can finally be rid of you.
Dawn's freaking because two people were apparently murdered in NYC last night and someone was killed in a building collapse. Kristy makes fun of her, and while Kristy is a bitch, Kristy also has a point. Dawn's afraid of "Alligators in the sewers, pickpockets and bag ladies and chain snatchers and purse snatchers and rats and cockroaches."
Jesus, Dawn, CHILL. What the hell is a chain snatcher? Bag ladies aren't going to harm you, no matter how much AMM describes them as dangerous and unpredictable, and while being mugged isn't an impossibility, they're probably not going to bother with a bunch of tweens.
Stacey then gets miffed that they're going to have to go back to her apartment to drop off Claudia's giant suitcase (she just expected the girls to drag their luggage all over the city otherwise?!), which is out of their way and she's pissy that they'll have to give the cab driver a big tip for putting stuff in the trunk. Claudia says she'll pay for it; I say fuck that, Claudia, I've never heard any cab etiquette that dictates tipping extravagantly for using the trunk, and your friends should chip in anyway because you've saved them from having to drag heavy backpacks and bags all over NYC.
Dawn starts screaming because she sees a mouse. I thought Dawn loved animals. I see mice occasionally on the street and I've never thought anything besides "Aw, cute!" Rats are a different story - I like rats a lot, but the ones we have here are the size of cats and always seem ready to throw down.
Kristy laughs at Dawn. Kristy's a bitch but I'm still pissed at Dawn from the last book, so I'll allow it.
Chapter 4
Dawn writes a postcard to her brother and closes with this:
Today I saw a gigantic rat, and a person without a home who picked through a garbage can until she found half a hamburger. She ate it without even washing it off.
Gee, Dawn, I'm SO SORRY that you were so horribly put out by HAVING TO SEE A HOMELESS PERSON. GOD, THAT IS SUCH A FUCKING TRAGEDY FOR YOU. WE SHOULD REALLY RUN THOSE PEOPLE OUT OF TOWN SO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE WEALTHY DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM.
I'm amazed she didn't lecture the poor woman about eating meat. But seriously, if you see that and react with revulsion/disgust/horror/anger that you had to witness it instead of being sad for the person who lives that way? THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU.
Dawn does deign to say the Hard Rock Cafe is cool, and Mary Anne lectures everyone on it. Oy. Mary Anne squees about how "grown-up" Stacey is when she tells the hostess "Five for lunch, please." Seriously? Just how backwoods is Stoneybrook? Do they not have restaurants?
Their waitress is named Meddows, which seems like it must be some kind of personal AMM reference, because it's so goddamn weird/random.
Dawn orders the "Poppied Fruit and Avocado Sandwich" because it sounds "So Californian." Please, someone punch her.
And in one of the most exasperating scenes in BSC history, Kristy orders the "fill-it mig-nun." Stacey tries not to die. I'm wondering how much money Watson sent Kristy to NYC with that she's ordering goddamn fillet mignon. I'm actually looking up the menu now to see how much a steak there is in 2016 prices.
Okay, the online menu offers no prices, but my god, the calorie counts for everything are over 1,000 - even one of the salads - and lots of the options go over your daily salt intake in one sitting. Good lord. The only thing with a reasonable calorie count for a meal is the Caesar salad at 631 - unless you add grilled salmon for another 700!
Stacey wants to die in her seat because this is one of the coolest restaurants in NYC. Yet a few lines later she wants to die because the girls all want Hard Rock Cafe tshirts. What the fuck is your damage, McGill?
A "shabbily dressed man" solicits change from them. I guess if he'd been hot, Stacey would've given him $20 and a handy-j. Mary Anne looks at Stacey to find out what to do and Kristy, showing human emotion for possibly the only time in this series, immediately opens her purse. Stacey bawls her out for being stupid because he could've just grabbed her wallet and run, which I guess is fair since you never know who's trying to con you, but I still feel kinda bad for the guy who's, like, RIGHT THERE while Stacey says he's a potential criminal.
Mary Anne wants to hit up Bloomingdale's and MoMA, but Stacey says they don't have time for both, silently bitching that they would have if they hadn't had to drop off Claudia's suitcase first. Oh my god, Stacey, your MartyrCard has been revoked. SHUT UP.
Claudia's pretty bummed since everyone else would rather hit a department store than a museum - I'm on her side here; you can go to department stores anywhere and Bloomingdale's is BIG but there's nothing that great about it.
Something has apparently crawled up Stacey's ass and died because she whines about how it's always too hot in Bloomingdale's and it's always crowded and it's no longer her favorite store because of it. You know, in theory I'd be on her side here, because this is true and shopping sucks, but she's being such a grunch about it. They're going to be here for three days, Stacey; DO WHAT THEY WANT. They're your friends; shouldn't doing what they want make you happy, considering that you can do whatever you want literally any other day?
Stacey continues to be a whiny bitch drama queen:
We wandered through the makeup department and let a woman spray us with perfume. Then we sniffed at our violet-scented wrists and felt very adult. That was pretty much the last good moment of the shopping adventures.
Mary Anne pocketed a sample of eye shadow, not getting that you try it on at the counter. The fact that it was half-used didn't give her a clue? That aside, that's an honest mistake, not entirely stupid. Much of the time, "sample" means "take it." Stacey bitches internally that the security guard probably thinks they're a bunch of dumb hicks. You're never going to see this man again in your life. WHO CARES? Also:
The man was very nice and let us go, saying not to let it happen again. I’m sure he thought we were tourist kids from the sticks. (He was four-fifths right.)
THE BEST FRIENDS YOU'LL EVER HAVE.
After that embarrassing incident, Dawn tripped trying to get on a down escalator and nearly started an avalanche of people. And everywhere we went, Kristy kept exclaiming things like, “Look how expensive this is! In Stoneybrook it would only cost half as much,” or, “Mary Anne, come here. Look at this - a hundred and sixty dollars for one pair of shoes!”
Okay, Kristy IS being fucking tacky and embarrassing. That's really obnoxious. But why do these girls all take clumsiness as a personal insult? Oh my god, someone tripped! Anyway, at least Dawn knows what an escalator is; given how foreign those are in Stoneybrook you can't really count on that.
Up next, Laine meets the BSC. I imagine that's going to be fun.
Stacey is a fucking idiot.
I am taking this as a sign that Stacey's Mistake is a good choice.
I don't have the cover to hand, but I remember it well, and they 100% nailed one of the dinosaur rooms in AMNH. I practically lived there as a kid growing up in NYC (my dad was a huge science nerd and took me at least once a month; I loved it. I still do, but nobody wants to go with me now :/ ) and they did have those weird orange railings and everything. And I swear I remember the dinosaur skeleton being accurate to the one that would have been in that position as well; I could be wrong, though. Still, the cover has always impressed me.
But on to the text.
Stacey's hanging out in her bedroom, reading a postcard from Claudia and expositing about the BSC's upcoming visit when a giant roach runs across her bedroom. Stacey whines that anywhere else roaches would stick to "greasy kitchens" and laundry rooms and the like, but in NYC, they're fucking everywhere.
AMM, with your giant boner for the city, I would think you wouldn't start off painting the city in such a gross light. Still, while I share AMM's giant boner for my home city (I love it here, and knowing that I'll eventually have to move breaks my heart), I have to admit she's right. It doesn't matter how clean you are; as soon as the weather shifts, you're going to get infested with something. We tend to cycle between spiders and roaches. Occasionally centipedes, but thank Christ I haven't seen one in a while. Spiders I will escort out to the hallway where I hope they'll eat some assholes that would otherwise try to move into our apartment. Roaches get sprayed with Windex while I scream and dance around and make someone else remove the corpse. I am fucking terrified of the giant roaches.
Okay, sorry I had to bore you all with stories of my cockroach problems. My point is, AMM is right but it's also not very pleasant.
Stacey swings right into talking about the schizophrenic homeless woman who lives on her street. Guys, are we SURE AMM likes NYC? Apparently Judy is nice when she's in a "good mood" but scary when she's in a "bad mood." It's pretty obvious that she has a severe and untreated mental illness; she's described as screaming weird things at nothing and not recognizing Stacey. Which may well be why she's homeless. It's not that I expect AMM to get into the intricacies of homelessness, but describing mental episodes as "moods" is pretty awful.
Stacey then says this without a hint of irony:
I see Judy at least twice a day (when I go back and forth between my nice, comfortable doorman apartment building and my nice, comfortable private school), and I have an idea of what her life is like. Although I’m sure you can’t completely understand homelessness until you’ve experienced it.
Stacey, walking past someone twice a day doesn't mean you have the slightest idea of what their life is like. She describes how she spends all her time in the elements, sleeps on subway grates and "begs for handouts" (another really gross description; goddammit, Stacey, she's not fudging her taxes to pay for a second yacht, she wants some food that day or maybe tampons.)
The adults in Stacey's building decide to hold a meeting to discuss how they can solve homelessness or something. It's really not made clear what they hope to accomplish.
She decides that since all the kids in the building will need sitters, the sensible thing is to invite the BSC to crash with them to babysit with Stacey. Instead of, you know, finding other sitters in a city of several million people. Yeah, that makes sense.
Mrs. McGill is at least reasonably concerned at first, saying that just Claudia might be okay, but not everyone - but Stacey begs until her parents relent.
Have they ever said how many rooms - not even bedrooms, just ROOMS - are in this apartment?? My girlfriend lives in a McGill-type apartment, and it's HUGE by NYC standards (I believe I said "holy shit" the first time I was inside it), but you couldn't comfortably house five teen girls in it unless you had no furniture.
Chapter 2.
Stacey describes Mary Anne as having a crush on the city, and that's both creepy and accurate.
Mrs. McGill tells Stacey to "have fun and be careful" and Stacey mentally snarks at this. It's obnoxious but it's also really funny. Remember when Stacey was funny/sarcastic instead of your average spoiled brat?
Stacey insists she's not spoiled by living in a doorman building, because it's for security reasons, but it's nice to have someone open doors for her. Yeah, you're not spoiled at all.
Mrs. McGill tells Stacey to take a cab since she's alone. I have to say at thirteen I think she'd be okay taking the subway or bus herself - I regularly took the city bus home from the Upper East Side after school in high school, and a friend of mine came into Manhattan from the Bronx by subway to get there. It's really not uncommon. But cabs are also much more pleasant, smell less like urine than the subway and don't take as long as the bus, so really, if you're getting cab fare you might as well use it.
Anyway, typical chapter 2 shit.
know I said that all the girls in the club are different, but there are some similarities between Claudia and me. The two main ones are our taste and the fact that we are (face it) sort of sophisticated
What does "face it" even mean in this context?! And yeah, nothing says "sophisticated" like dressing like Miss Frizzle.
Mallory and Jessi aren't coming because Stacey barely knows Mal and doesn't know Jessi at all. I'm impressed that adults are behaving semi-reasonably in this book.
Then we get this laugh riot:
Dawn is a real individual. She’s a health-food freak. She does things her own way and doesn’t care what people think of her. I guess that means she has a lot of self-confidence.
We all know the reasons this is crap, right? I don't have to elaborate?
Not much else going on here.
Chapter 3
The BSC gets lost trying to find Stacey in Grand Central. They find each other a half hour late, and Dawn looks ready to piss herself in terror while Mary Anne looks like she wants to fellate the city, were such a thing possible.
Stacey's embarrassed because Mary Anne has a map and guidebook out, then embarrassed again when she realizes that Claudia's giant suitcase is on wheels. Apparently this is embarrassing because only old ladies have those? IDK I see people with them all the time.
Kristy's hungry and asks if they can check out the Hard Rock Cafe. (You know, I've never been there; at least not to the one here.) Dawn continues to fret:
The Hard Rock Cafe?” repeated Dawn. “Is that in a safe neighborhood?”
I looked at Dawn curiously. Where was all that self-confidence?
No, Dawn, Stacey is going to take you to an unsafe neighborhood. She wants to get you in the middle of a gang turf war so she can finally be rid of you.
Dawn's freaking because two people were apparently murdered in NYC last night and someone was killed in a building collapse. Kristy makes fun of her, and while Kristy is a bitch, Kristy also has a point. Dawn's afraid of "Alligators in the sewers, pickpockets and bag ladies and chain snatchers and purse snatchers and rats and cockroaches."
Jesus, Dawn, CHILL. What the hell is a chain snatcher? Bag ladies aren't going to harm you, no matter how much AMM describes them as dangerous and unpredictable, and while being mugged isn't an impossibility, they're probably not going to bother with a bunch of tweens.
Stacey then gets miffed that they're going to have to go back to her apartment to drop off Claudia's giant suitcase (she just expected the girls to drag their luggage all over the city otherwise?!), which is out of their way and she's pissy that they'll have to give the cab driver a big tip for putting stuff in the trunk. Claudia says she'll pay for it; I say fuck that, Claudia, I've never heard any cab etiquette that dictates tipping extravagantly for using the trunk, and your friends should chip in anyway because you've saved them from having to drag heavy backpacks and bags all over NYC.
Dawn starts screaming because she sees a mouse. I thought Dawn loved animals. I see mice occasionally on the street and I've never thought anything besides "Aw, cute!" Rats are a different story - I like rats a lot, but the ones we have here are the size of cats and always seem ready to throw down.
Kristy laughs at Dawn. Kristy's a bitch but I'm still pissed at Dawn from the last book, so I'll allow it.
Chapter 4
Dawn writes a postcard to her brother and closes with this:
Today I saw a gigantic rat, and a person without a home who picked through a garbage can until she found half a hamburger. She ate it without even washing it off.
Gee, Dawn, I'm SO SORRY that you were so horribly put out by HAVING TO SEE A HOMELESS PERSON. GOD, THAT IS SUCH A FUCKING TRAGEDY FOR YOU. WE SHOULD REALLY RUN THOSE PEOPLE OUT OF TOWN SO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE WEALTHY DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM.
I'm amazed she didn't lecture the poor woman about eating meat. But seriously, if you see that and react with revulsion/disgust/horror/anger that you had to witness it instead of being sad for the person who lives that way? THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU.
Dawn does deign to say the Hard Rock Cafe is cool, and Mary Anne lectures everyone on it. Oy. Mary Anne squees about how "grown-up" Stacey is when she tells the hostess "Five for lunch, please." Seriously? Just how backwoods is Stoneybrook? Do they not have restaurants?
Their waitress is named Meddows, which seems like it must be some kind of personal AMM reference, because it's so goddamn weird/random.
Dawn orders the "Poppied Fruit and Avocado Sandwich" because it sounds "So Californian." Please, someone punch her.
And in one of the most exasperating scenes in BSC history, Kristy orders the "fill-it mig-nun." Stacey tries not to die. I'm wondering how much money Watson sent Kristy to NYC with that she's ordering goddamn fillet mignon. I'm actually looking up the menu now to see how much a steak there is in 2016 prices.
Okay, the online menu offers no prices, but my god, the calorie counts for everything are over 1,000 - even one of the salads - and lots of the options go over your daily salt intake in one sitting. Good lord. The only thing with a reasonable calorie count for a meal is the Caesar salad at 631 - unless you add grilled salmon for another 700!
Stacey wants to die in her seat because this is one of the coolest restaurants in NYC. Yet a few lines later she wants to die because the girls all want Hard Rock Cafe tshirts. What the fuck is your damage, McGill?
A "shabbily dressed man" solicits change from them. I guess if he'd been hot, Stacey would've given him $20 and a handy-j. Mary Anne looks at Stacey to find out what to do and Kristy, showing human emotion for possibly the only time in this series, immediately opens her purse. Stacey bawls her out for being stupid because he could've just grabbed her wallet and run, which I guess is fair since you never know who's trying to con you, but I still feel kinda bad for the guy who's, like, RIGHT THERE while Stacey says he's a potential criminal.
Mary Anne wants to hit up Bloomingdale's and MoMA, but Stacey says they don't have time for both, silently bitching that they would have if they hadn't had to drop off Claudia's suitcase first. Oh my god, Stacey, your MartyrCard has been revoked. SHUT UP.
Claudia's pretty bummed since everyone else would rather hit a department store than a museum - I'm on her side here; you can go to department stores anywhere and Bloomingdale's is BIG but there's nothing that great about it.
Something has apparently crawled up Stacey's ass and died because she whines about how it's always too hot in Bloomingdale's and it's always crowded and it's no longer her favorite store because of it. You know, in theory I'd be on her side here, because this is true and shopping sucks, but she's being such a grunch about it. They're going to be here for three days, Stacey; DO WHAT THEY WANT. They're your friends; shouldn't doing what they want make you happy, considering that you can do whatever you want literally any other day?
Stacey continues to be a whiny bitch drama queen:
We wandered through the makeup department and let a woman spray us with perfume. Then we sniffed at our violet-scented wrists and felt very adult. That was pretty much the last good moment of the shopping adventures.
Mary Anne pocketed a sample of eye shadow, not getting that you try it on at the counter. The fact that it was half-used didn't give her a clue? That aside, that's an honest mistake, not entirely stupid. Much of the time, "sample" means "take it." Stacey bitches internally that the security guard probably thinks they're a bunch of dumb hicks. You're never going to see this man again in your life. WHO CARES? Also:
The man was very nice and let us go, saying not to let it happen again. I’m sure he thought we were tourist kids from the sticks. (He was four-fifths right.)
THE BEST FRIENDS YOU'LL EVER HAVE.
After that embarrassing incident, Dawn tripped trying to get on a down escalator and nearly started an avalanche of people. And everywhere we went, Kristy kept exclaiming things like, “Look how expensive this is! In Stoneybrook it would only cost half as much,” or, “Mary Anne, come here. Look at this - a hundred and sixty dollars for one pair of shoes!”
Okay, Kristy IS being fucking tacky and embarrassing. That's really obnoxious. But why do these girls all take clumsiness as a personal insult? Oh my god, someone tripped! Anyway, at least Dawn knows what an escalator is; given how foreign those are in Stoneybrook you can't really count on that.
Up next, Laine meets the BSC. I imagine that's going to be fun.