BSC #43: STACEY’S EMERGENCY OR MAUREEN AND ED SUCK AT LIFE! PART 2!
BSC #43: STACEY’S EMERGENCY OR MAUREEN AND ED SUCK AT LIFE! PART 2!
Hello my peeps, how is everyone today? It actually got a little warmer over her and the cold is working its way out of my system, Thank God! I’m just tired as Hell and it’s like I don’t have energy for anything lately, hopefully that stops soon!
As always, I give you guys a big THANK YOU for commenting and even reading my snarks; it really means the world to me! Now, without further ado:
Chapter 5:
Stacey sits for Charlotte again; who’s in the mood to make something. After shooting down Stacey’s ideas of paintings and paper sculptures; (and what the fuck is a paper sculpture? Does she mean Origami? Why doesn’t she just say that then?); Charlotte tells her that she wants to make fudge. Gooey, sweet, amazing fudge.
And that makes Stacey go like this:
But on the inside, so no one else can see her pain.
And I’m calling BULLSHIT! on Charlotte just so happening to have ALL the fucking ingredients for making fudge at the ready; because WHO THE FUCK HAD THAT? Anyway, Charlotte asks if Becca can come over to help make the fudge and so that they can play restaurant as they do it; which is actually realistic, I have to say. Becca runs over and the two are now Chefs in the ‘Grand Sparkle-Glitter Hotel’; where I’m sure these amazing bitches perform nightly:
After hearing that they are GALAXY FAMOUS! the girls decide to add the alien antennae to wear whilst they make the fudge. The girls get into the game, acting like fucking space ships and things are headed towards them; all while Stacey keeps making the same face she makes whenever she sees a handsome guy to drop her undies for…
That is until… THE GIRLS MESS UP THE ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN BY FLINGING THE GODDAMN FUDGE EVERYWHERE! FUCKING HELL, DOES NO KID IN THIS BUMFUCK TOWN KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE? AND WHAT IS THIS SHIT THAT THEY WERE STIRRING EVERYTHING IN A BOWL WHEN FUDGE HAS TO BE MADE OVER A FLAME, CONSTANTLY STIRRING? BROWNIES ARE STIRRED IN A BOWL, NOT FUDGE ANN! PUT DOWN THE CRACK PIPE AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RESEARCH THE SHIT IN ONE OF THESE FUCKING BOOKS?! IF I WERE STACEY, I’D PUT A STOP TO THE FUDGE MAKING AND MAKE THEM CLEAN THEIR FUCKING MESS INSTEAD?!
So… OF COURSE, the girls make a fucking mess and Stacey makes them clean it up for once and they make more fudge, no alien talk this time and it comes out yummy. The girls decide to leave the fudge alone with the girl who’s been drooling all over it all day; and Stacey ends up sneaking a few pieces into her purse for later. And I fucking LOVE how Stacey makes it a point to say that she won’t let the girls use a sharp knife to cut the fudge, but AN HOT MIX OF SUGAR, CHOCOLATE AND OTHER THINGS, STIRRED OVER A HOT STOVE IS OK FOR THEM! FUCKING HELL, ANN WAS ROCK STAR LEVELS HIGH DURING THESE BOOKS WASN’T SHE? SHE PROBABLY HUNG OUT WITH KEITH RICHARDS AND CHARLIE SHEEN ALL THE DAMN TIME!
Later that night, Stacey’s doing her homework, or trying to. The fudge is calling her name from her purse…
And since the poor kid’s starving, she ends up eating both pieces; as she tells us that she ‘CRAVES chocolate now’ and has been indulging in it for days!
Seriously, that poor kid!
And after eating the fudge, she realizes that she has to pack her stuff for Ed’s and proceeds to do that as the phone rings. Maureen answers and we another moment of her and Ed being COMPLETE DICKS BY FIGHTING LOUD ENOUGH FOR STACEY TO HEAR EVERYTHING! FUCKING HELL, SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR IF YOU’RE GONNA YELL AND SCREAM! So now Maureen’s pissed about Ed daring to take his daughter out to nice places or buy her stuff, bitch basically makes it seem as if Ed’s buying Stacey’s love. FUCK YOU MAUREEN; YOU KNOW THE DIVORCE WAS HARDEST ON YOUR KID RIGHT? SHE HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU TWO, MOVE FOR THE THIRD TIME IN LESS THAN TWO FUCKING YEARS AND SHE STILL HAS TO DEAL WITH YOU ASSHOLES FIGHTING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!
Then Maureen tells Ed that since Stacey’s been so tired lately; he better let her rest or else. WAIT A MINUTE…
IF SHE KNOWS STACEY’S BEEN TIRED LATELY, WHY THE FUCK HASN’T SHE CALLED THE DOCTOR? YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT AFTER ‘THE TRUTH ABOUT STACEY’ MAUREEN JUST SAID ‘FUCK IT ALL’ AND NOW SHE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER HEALTH?
THIS REALLY FUCKING BAFFLES ME! HOW DOES ONE BITCH GO FROM JENNY MCCARTHY LEVELS OF INSANITY ABOUT HER KID’S HEALTH ISSUES TO KIM KARDASHIAN LEVELS OF NOT GIVING A FUCK? ANN, CRACK PIPE DOWN! YOUR BRAIN HAS FUCKING ROTTED AWAY!
Then Maureen completely lies her fucking ass off about not being jealous of all the stuff Ed buys for Stacey and all the places he takes her, and…
FUCK YOU MAUREEN, JUST FUCK YOU!
The two assholes hang up the phone, vowing to question their daughter some more about the other until she fucking snaps by running away to go live at fucking Willy Wonka’s. ‘Because you know exactly who’s to blame…THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER!’
The chapter ends with Stacey laying down on her bed with a fucking headache. Poor kid!
Chapter 6:
The next day, Stacey’s leaving for her weekend with Ed and the poor thing’s really not looking forward to it. She’s stressed about a huge amount of things; the way she’s been feeling, her grades, parents, etc. It’s to the point that chick’s actually nervous that she thinks that she might really be sick and that everyone’s keeping it from her. Again, that poor kid!
The rest of the Cult gathers to say goodbye and she apologizes for missing the meeting that day; which K-Ron actually says IS OK? DA FUCK HAPPENED TO K-RON? ANN, PIPE! DOWN! And MA asks if they’ll end up at the uber-awesome HARD ROCK CAFÉ! Because Ed REALLY seems like the type of asshole who’ll go there with his kid! No, instead Stacey brags that they’re going to… Sign of the Dove and the Russian Tea Room. Sign of the Dove, which Google tells me no longer, exists and Russian Tea Room, where according to their site, the cheapest entrée is THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS FOR A CHICKEN BREAST! ME THINKS STACEY NEEDS TO STOP BITCHING ABOUT ED WORKING SO FUCKING HARD IF SHE WANTS TO KEEP EATING LIKE THIS! FUCKING HELL, AND HOW DOES MA KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS? OH, THAT’S RIGHT THE GODDAMN GUIDEBOOK!
I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THESE PLACES BEFORE I READ THIS BOOK! WAIT… THAT’S A LIE; I HEARD OF THE RUSSIAN TEA ROOM BEFORE…FROM THIS MOVIE:
BUT STILL!
Whatever, so Maureen picks Stacey up and MA asks her to bring her back a fucking table scrap if she sees someone famous at either place to eat.
FUCKING NASTY BITCH! MA’S SOOO THE BITCH WHO BOUGHT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S HALF-EATEN TOAST ON EBAY, ISN’T SHE?
Then Stacey leaves, and Maureen asks if she’s feeling okay, because SHE LOOKS PALE! AND DOES THIS MAKE MAUREEN TAKE HER ASS TO THE DOCTOR TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OKAY? ME THINKS YOU GUYS HAVEN’T BEEN READING THESE BOOKS FOR LONG! NO, SHE FUCKING DOESN’T! EVEN THOUGH STACEY TELLS HER SHE’S TIRED! FUCKING HELL, MAUREEN’S AN IDIOT!
So Stacey gets on the train and starts to study; but she ends up falling asleep for about an hour and wakes up feeling shitty. Plus, thirsty as fuck! The poor girl ends up having to drink water out of the sink, using just her hands, after using the world’s nastiest bar of soap to wash them. FUCKING EWWW! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DISPENSERS? THIS IS WHY HAND SANITIZERS BECAME SO POPULAR, NASTY SHIT LIKE THIS! And this goes on for the whole rest of the train ride, Stacey runs back and forth to the bathroom to chug water, most likely lugging all her shit with her back and forth.
She gets to Grand Central and the first thing she does upon seeing Ed is ask him to buy her a fucking soda and tell him she’s starving, despite eating regular meals AND a pack of M&M’s. Although, she leaves out the part about the candy. She tells him she rather not go to the Sign of the Dove that night, and Ed tells her they can order something instead. They get a cab and head home with her chug-a-lugging soda the whole way.
At home they order from a deli and hang out, until about nine when Stacey heads to bed and spends the whole night chugging water. Ed actually acts like a fucking parent for once and tells her that they should check her blood sugar, which she puts off until morning. Of course, the next morning comes, and with her still chugging down drinks; Ed decides to just cart her ass to the hospital.
Chapter 7:
Claudia sits for Charlotte, because it’s not like the Cult has any other fucking clients right now; and they play this AWESOME sounding Memory game; matching mama animals with their baby animals.
But before we hear about that, we get this weird couple of paragraphs about how Stacey hates all the waste hospital food generates. I feel ya Stace, when my dad was in the hospital a few months ago; it was like all his food was individually wrapped and it was such a fucking pain to have him unwrap it all to eat.
Anyway, Maureen ends up calling with the news about Stacey; although Claudia’s sitting at the moment and this could’ve waited until she got home. Plus, Ed turns out to be an even bigger asshole than I thought; because prick WAITED UNTIL A FUCKING DAY LATER TO CALL MAUREEN AND TELL HER THEIR KID WAS IN THE GODDAMN HOSPITAL!
YOU CALL HER OVER TWENTY FOUR HOURS LATER? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maureen ends up packing stuff for Stacey, then calling Claudia to tell her the news. And Claudia doesn’t put two and two fucking together and spends a minute thinking she’s in the hospital for a mugging or something sinister. And then Claudia’s dumbass tells Charlotte, who completely breaks down in tears and the rest of the chapter is divided between them making a care package for Stacey and Charlotte asking Claudia questions about Stacey she can’t answer.
That’s all for now kids, more soon! Thank you for reading and I’ll see you soon!
I plan to continue with the other blogs next week, if I’m back to full form. Sorry it’s taking so long, but I do have more movies and things for you guys coming up; so don’t worry! Also, my husband promised that if his team the Redskins makes it to the Super Bowl, that’s makes it; they don’t even have to win; HE WILL BUY ME MY ENTIRE WISH LISTS ON AMAZON! SO IF YOU ALL PRAY FOR IT, I JUST MIGHT HAVE MORE BOOKS TO SNARK FOR YOU GUYS SOON!
Hello my peeps, how is everyone today? It actually got a little warmer over her and the cold is working its way out of my system, Thank God! I’m just tired as Hell and it’s like I don’t have energy for anything lately, hopefully that stops soon!
As always, I give you guys a big THANK YOU for commenting and even reading my snarks; it really means the world to me! Now, without further ado:
Chapter 5:
Stacey sits for Charlotte again; who’s in the mood to make something. After shooting down Stacey’s ideas of paintings and paper sculptures; (and what the fuck is a paper sculpture? Does she mean Origami? Why doesn’t she just say that then?); Charlotte tells her that she wants to make fudge. Gooey, sweet, amazing fudge.
And that makes Stacey go like this:
But on the inside, so no one else can see her pain.
And I’m calling BULLSHIT! on Charlotte just so happening to have ALL the fucking ingredients for making fudge at the ready; because WHO THE FUCK HAD THAT? Anyway, Charlotte asks if Becca can come over to help make the fudge and so that they can play restaurant as they do it; which is actually realistic, I have to say. Becca runs over and the two are now Chefs in the ‘Grand Sparkle-Glitter Hotel’; where I’m sure these amazing bitches perform nightly:
After hearing that they are GALAXY FAMOUS! the girls decide to add the alien antennae to wear whilst they make the fudge. The girls get into the game, acting like fucking space ships and things are headed towards them; all while Stacey keeps making the same face she makes whenever she sees a handsome guy to drop her undies for…
That is until… THE GIRLS MESS UP THE ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN BY FLINGING THE GODDAMN FUDGE EVERYWHERE! FUCKING HELL, DOES NO KID IN THIS BUMFUCK TOWN KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE? AND WHAT IS THIS SHIT THAT THEY WERE STIRRING EVERYTHING IN A BOWL WHEN FUDGE HAS TO BE MADE OVER A FLAME, CONSTANTLY STIRRING? BROWNIES ARE STIRRED IN A BOWL, NOT FUDGE ANN! PUT DOWN THE CRACK PIPE AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RESEARCH THE SHIT IN ONE OF THESE FUCKING BOOKS?! IF I WERE STACEY, I’D PUT A STOP TO THE FUDGE MAKING AND MAKE THEM CLEAN THEIR FUCKING MESS INSTEAD?!
So… OF COURSE, the girls make a fucking mess and Stacey makes them clean it up for once and they make more fudge, no alien talk this time and it comes out yummy. The girls decide to leave the fudge alone with the girl who’s been drooling all over it all day; and Stacey ends up sneaking a few pieces into her purse for later. And I fucking LOVE how Stacey makes it a point to say that she won’t let the girls use a sharp knife to cut the fudge, but AN HOT MIX OF SUGAR, CHOCOLATE AND OTHER THINGS, STIRRED OVER A HOT STOVE IS OK FOR THEM! FUCKING HELL, ANN WAS ROCK STAR LEVELS HIGH DURING THESE BOOKS WASN’T SHE? SHE PROBABLY HUNG OUT WITH KEITH RICHARDS AND CHARLIE SHEEN ALL THE DAMN TIME!
Later that night, Stacey’s doing her homework, or trying to. The fudge is calling her name from her purse…
And since the poor kid’s starving, she ends up eating both pieces; as she tells us that she ‘CRAVES chocolate now’ and has been indulging in it for days!
Seriously, that poor kid!
And after eating the fudge, she realizes that she has to pack her stuff for Ed’s and proceeds to do that as the phone rings. Maureen answers and we another moment of her and Ed being COMPLETE DICKS BY FIGHTING LOUD ENOUGH FOR STACEY TO HEAR EVERYTHING! FUCKING HELL, SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR IF YOU’RE GONNA YELL AND SCREAM! So now Maureen’s pissed about Ed daring to take his daughter out to nice places or buy her stuff, bitch basically makes it seem as if Ed’s buying Stacey’s love. FUCK YOU MAUREEN; YOU KNOW THE DIVORCE WAS HARDEST ON YOUR KID RIGHT? SHE HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU TWO, MOVE FOR THE THIRD TIME IN LESS THAN TWO FUCKING YEARS AND SHE STILL HAS TO DEAL WITH YOU ASSHOLES FIGHTING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!
Then Maureen tells Ed that since Stacey’s been so tired lately; he better let her rest or else. WAIT A MINUTE…
Click to viewIF SHE KNOWS STACEY’S BEEN TIRED LATELY, WHY THE FUCK HASN’T SHE CALLED THE DOCTOR? YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT AFTER ‘THE TRUTH ABOUT STACEY’ MAUREEN JUST SAID ‘FUCK IT ALL’ AND NOW SHE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER HEALTH?
THIS REALLY FUCKING BAFFLES ME! HOW DOES ONE BITCH GO FROM JENNY MCCARTHY LEVELS OF INSANITY ABOUT HER KID’S HEALTH ISSUES TO KIM KARDASHIAN LEVELS OF NOT GIVING A FUCK? ANN, CRACK PIPE DOWN! YOUR BRAIN HAS FUCKING ROTTED AWAY!
Then Maureen completely lies her fucking ass off about not being jealous of all the stuff Ed buys for Stacey and all the places he takes her, and…
FUCK YOU MAUREEN, JUST FUCK YOU!
The two assholes hang up the phone, vowing to question their daughter some more about the other until she fucking snaps by running away to go live at fucking Willy Wonka’s. ‘Because you know exactly who’s to blame…THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER!’
The chapter ends with Stacey laying down on her bed with a fucking headache. Poor kid!
Chapter 6:
The next day, Stacey’s leaving for her weekend with Ed and the poor thing’s really not looking forward to it. She’s stressed about a huge amount of things; the way she’s been feeling, her grades, parents, etc. It’s to the point that chick’s actually nervous that she thinks that she might really be sick and that everyone’s keeping it from her. Again, that poor kid!
The rest of the Cult gathers to say goodbye and she apologizes for missing the meeting that day; which K-Ron actually says IS OK? DA FUCK HAPPENED TO K-RON? ANN, PIPE! DOWN! And MA asks if they’ll end up at the uber-awesome HARD ROCK CAFÉ! Because Ed REALLY seems like the type of asshole who’ll go there with his kid! No, instead Stacey brags that they’re going to… Sign of the Dove and the Russian Tea Room. Sign of the Dove, which Google tells me no longer, exists and Russian Tea Room, where according to their site, the cheapest entrée is THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS FOR A CHICKEN BREAST! ME THINKS STACEY NEEDS TO STOP BITCHING ABOUT ED WORKING SO FUCKING HARD IF SHE WANTS TO KEEP EATING LIKE THIS! FUCKING HELL, AND HOW DOES MA KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS? OH, THAT’S RIGHT THE GODDAMN GUIDEBOOK!
I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THESE PLACES BEFORE I READ THIS BOOK! WAIT… THAT’S A LIE; I HEARD OF THE RUSSIAN TEA ROOM BEFORE…FROM THIS MOVIE:
BUT STILL!
Whatever, so Maureen picks Stacey up and MA asks her to bring her back a fucking table scrap if she sees someone famous at either place to eat.
FUCKING NASTY BITCH! MA’S SOOO THE BITCH WHO BOUGHT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S HALF-EATEN TOAST ON EBAY, ISN’T SHE?
Then Stacey leaves, and Maureen asks if she’s feeling okay, because SHE LOOKS PALE! AND DOES THIS MAKE MAUREEN TAKE HER ASS TO THE DOCTOR TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OKAY? ME THINKS YOU GUYS HAVEN’T BEEN READING THESE BOOKS FOR LONG! NO, SHE FUCKING DOESN’T! EVEN THOUGH STACEY TELLS HER SHE’S TIRED! FUCKING HELL, MAUREEN’S AN IDIOT!
So Stacey gets on the train and starts to study; but she ends up falling asleep for about an hour and wakes up feeling shitty. Plus, thirsty as fuck! The poor girl ends up having to drink water out of the sink, using just her hands, after using the world’s nastiest bar of soap to wash them. FUCKING EWWW! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DISPENSERS? THIS IS WHY HAND SANITIZERS BECAME SO POPULAR, NASTY SHIT LIKE THIS! And this goes on for the whole rest of the train ride, Stacey runs back and forth to the bathroom to chug water, most likely lugging all her shit with her back and forth.
She gets to Grand Central and the first thing she does upon seeing Ed is ask him to buy her a fucking soda and tell him she’s starving, despite eating regular meals AND a pack of M&M’s. Although, she leaves out the part about the candy. She tells him she rather not go to the Sign of the Dove that night, and Ed tells her they can order something instead. They get a cab and head home with her chug-a-lugging soda the whole way.
At home they order from a deli and hang out, until about nine when Stacey heads to bed and spends the whole night chugging water. Ed actually acts like a fucking parent for once and tells her that they should check her blood sugar, which she puts off until morning. Of course, the next morning comes, and with her still chugging down drinks; Ed decides to just cart her ass to the hospital.
Chapter 7:
Claudia sits for Charlotte, because it’s not like the Cult has any other fucking clients right now; and they play this AWESOME sounding Memory game; matching mama animals with their baby animals.
But before we hear about that, we get this weird couple of paragraphs about how Stacey hates all the waste hospital food generates. I feel ya Stace, when my dad was in the hospital a few months ago; it was like all his food was individually wrapped and it was such a fucking pain to have him unwrap it all to eat.
Anyway, Maureen ends up calling with the news about Stacey; although Claudia’s sitting at the moment and this could’ve waited until she got home. Plus, Ed turns out to be an even bigger asshole than I thought; because prick WAITED UNTIL A FUCKING DAY LATER TO CALL MAUREEN AND TELL HER THEIR KID WAS IN THE GODDAMN HOSPITAL!
YOU CALL HER OVER TWENTY FOUR HOURS LATER? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maureen ends up packing stuff for Stacey, then calling Claudia to tell her the news. And Claudia doesn’t put two and two fucking together and spends a minute thinking she’s in the hospital for a mugging or something sinister. And then Claudia’s dumbass tells Charlotte, who completely breaks down in tears and the rest of the chapter is divided between them making a care package for Stacey and Charlotte asking Claudia questions about Stacey she can’t answer.
That’s all for now kids, more soon! Thank you for reading and I’ll see you soon!
I plan to continue with the other blogs next week, if I’m back to full form. Sorry it’s taking so long, but I do have more movies and things for you guys coming up; so don’t worry! Also, my husband promised that if his team the Redskins makes it to the Super Bowl, that’s makes it; they don’t even have to win; HE WILL BUY ME MY ENTIRE WISH LISTS ON AMAZON! SO IF YOU ALL PRAY FOR IT, I JUST MIGHT HAVE MORE BOOKS TO SNARK FOR YOU GUYS SOON!