Dawn and the We ♥ Kids Club! Part 1!
Greetings, my lovlies! Well, well, well! So, I had a day yesterday wherein I ran out of my anxiety meds which basically takes away my ability to sleep, which means my sleep schedule is totally fubar and since I was awake and bored, I decided to snark. And let me tell you, ladies, this book is fucked. I've mentioned this before, but every Dawn book
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Even though the W♥KC is described as having different shades of blonde hair as well as different hairstyles, we get the clone wars.--I just don't understand why the blondes always look the same. Dawn really should have long ass hair, Dawn's California friends should have the hair that's described in the books, Stacey should have her perm, Shannon should have long and straight hair.
Dawn has to give us exposition about why she's in California.--And it's painfully obvious all of these descriptions are just fillers. There's no need in breaking up the story in EVERY single book to describe all the details that have long been established. If Ann just HAD to have all that in the book, she should've had this in the book before the book started or after the book ended.
Oh, my God. I just can't with this book! If I turn to Quaaludes because of this book, I'm fighting Ann!--I'm just thankful I didn't get arrested for Dawn's Big Date. That book sets me on fire that much
Please send me good vibes, gals. Please don't let me go out this way. I can't die hunched over my laptop, stupidity on the screen and a face like I just watched The Ring.---lol! But *sends good vibes*
Stephie says she wants to bake Joanna a cake (it's her birthday) which means what, kiddies? Dawn complains!--But don't mock my food! Don't wrinkle your nose at my health food! Meanwhile I'll pretend to barf in the nearest trashcan over your "junk food". You bet your ass I want a cake for my birthday. I'm not gonna sit there munching carrots on my birthday of all days!
One of the things she mentions is that Carol 'tries' to be hip--It's really rich how Dawn keeps pointing this out instead of looking at the mirror at how SHE acts around a guy. I realize Carol's being herself but I also realize she's never gonna win. Dawn would be bitching just as hard if Carol was a total bore.
'My stars and garters! Those chimichangas smell like the bee's knees! 23 skidoo! I haven't had such hotsy-totsy meal since Gatsby's!'--lmfao!
Dawn says she listens politely well MA talks about the plot, even though she's read that book already and knows the plot. --Yep, who wants to bet she's bitching at Mary Anne in her thoughts while she "politely" listens? "Duh Mary Anne, I've read that book too!" Of course I guess I'm surprised Dawn wasn't a big enough bitch to say that over the phone in order to get Mary Anne to shut up.
You talk about your favourite parts, not feign interest--True. And it's beyond me why this idea didn't pop into Dawn's head
Dawn says Sunny is just like her-'outgoing, fun-loving, and independent'--Well, I hope Sunny really fits those descriptions because I know Dawn sure as hell isn't any of those things.
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When she does, she's wearing stirrup pants so I can't take her seriously.--The most obnoxious piece of clothing ever made! I had some. The stirrup would always come out of the shoes. If you gave me the option of running around wearing a cloth sack dress or stirrupt pants and a shirt, I'm going with the cloth sack dress.
Five days later, the article appears in the paper and Dawn gets a huge boner over the idea of people paying attention to her--But the question is if she'll bring the article to school and stare at it there like she did her picture in Dawn's Big Date? And tbh, I really can't see too many people reading that article.
I nearly vomit up my breakfast when Dawn is described as a-'silken-haired beauty with a laugh like pealing bells'.--I just picture the Wicked Witch of the West and the way she laughs.
Also, who wants to take the bet that Dawn is trying to figure out how to fashion a dildo out of paper?--LOL!
Ann really couldn't have left it at a newspaper interview? Must egos be stroked like a Bond villain cat?--True. I'd mentioned in one of the previous snarks that the pop culture references could've added a realistic touch. This could've been another realistic touch by only having the interview, failing every now and again, wanting something and it doesn't happen, etc. With the exception of Mallory most of these girls get everything they want the majority of the time. Even when we do have somebody not getting what they want (Jessi wants the Peter Pan role) we see a character flip out and act like a total bitch for the rest of the book instead of calmly thinking "I can't expect to get every single lead out there. Good luck with the role."
Could it be Dawn just likes to bitch? Could it?!--We have a winner!
and Dawn was thinking how awful and fat Stephie looked in her picture--Of course it's not too late for me to get arrested here. And of course I'm not expecting a moment from Dawn where she really reflects that her attitude is awful. "Gee, I was just judging this poor girl's dead mom for being FAT! (of course!) and awful looking. What does this say about me as a person?" I really wonder how many overweight BSC readers came away with even more horrible self esteem after reading these books? Has a fat person in these books ever received a genuine compliment? "She/he has pretty hair, pretty eyes, etc?" It always seems to me that it's a case of this: "Fat. What else do I need to say? I see you and I only see that fat belly and fat ass. Everybody else says you're pretty or good looking but I just don't see how a fat person can be pretty or good looking! And goodness knows you'll die a spinster too! Nobody will want you! Fat, fat, fat, fat everywhere!" *SCREAMS*
Dawn realises that Sunny is using last year's calender. Who the fuck does that?!--Nobody. Oh, I'll admit to keeping around old calenders if I liked the pictures. Yesterday I found a cat calender from 1997. But yeah, new year means the old calenders get put away and the new ones go up.
Love the snark! :)
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Honestly, I never even knew what a perm looked like because of the covers of these books. And any Super Special with Dawn and Stacey on the cover, you can never tell who's whom. So, even Hodges was lazy as Hell when it came to these books. The whole series is lazy as Hell.
Oh, my Goddddd. Thank the LORD that I didn't realise that Dawn always judges people for their diet but turns into a giant piss baby if anyone says anything about her's. If I had realised that when I was writing it I would have gone mad with fury! I HATE DAWN!
You're right that if Carol was boring, Dawn would bitch about that too. She already does about Richard. To Dawn only the way Dawn acts is acceptable.
Dawn DID play the Wicked Witch one time! And she was so good at it, she scared kids! Because she IS a b/witch!
Ann doesn't know how to write anyone failing. And when she does write someone failing (like Jessi), she doesn't know how to write someone failing graciously. It's always the end of the world. You have to pout and throw tantrums if you don't get your way. All Ann knows how to write is spoiled, entitled brats.
I don't recall any fat character having any good physical traits pointed out. Or any good traits at all. Everyone is always so blinded by their ew! FAT! to say anything good. Like, Jesus Christ, I'm chubby but people notice other things about me too. And like in Stacey's Secret Friend (how I loathe that book) Stacey doesn't even think about getting to know Tess. She's just offended by her. Only once she finds out Tess is a fancy ~Parisian~ does she want to know anything about her. Like I said, Ann can only write horrible brats.
The calendar thing makes no sense because they were already booking jobs using the old calendar. Shouldn't they have known right off that something was wrong? I swear, Ann's writing pains me.
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