Mallory and the Ghost Cat! Part The End!
Greetings, my lovlies, how is everyone? Me? I'm not doing so hot. Basically my worst fear came true and Jynxie passed away about two weeks ago. I was devestated. And since I was basically only good for crying my eyes out, I wasn't quite up to snarking. Especially a cat book. But I'm slowly healing and trying to get my life back on track without her. If I didn't have my little butthead Cabby I don't know what I'd do. And besides, snarking does cheer me up because you guys are so awesome and sweet! I've also been playing Neko Atsume and listening the The Jem Jam which have both cheered me quite a bit. Seriously, if you love the insanity of the Jem cartoon, give them a listen. Thanks for your patience in my late snark. Well, let's go!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Okay, not gonna lie, but I actually like this chapter. I know Dawn is in it but she's being incredibly stupid rather than her usual horrible self. Plus I liked the ghost hunting aspect of it. Anyways, Mal is sitting at the Craines again and she invites Dawn over to test whether Ghost Cat is well, a ghost cat. I know I said Dawn isn't her usual horrible self but she does get in a nice bitch remark when Katie asks her if she wants to play with her Barbie and Dawn tells Mal it looks like a plain Barbie when Mal says she should be honoured. Oh hohohohoho! Why would it ever cross Dawn's mind that children have favourite toys that they love?! Dawn doesn't know a concept like love! Her favourite childhood toy was probably a PETA pamphlet about the meat industry.
Miles surprises me by mentioning the Ghostbusters cartoon. I'm surprised she knew that existed. That show was the shit! Maybe she thought she couldn't really mention the movie as it's really not a kids film. That didn't stop me from seeing it though. So, Dawn tries out some tests on Ghost Cat including testing the room temperature and sprinkling flour on the floor to see if he leaves prints. Wait, that's the same thing Mica did in Paranormal Activity. I knew Dawn was an asshole! She also takes his picture with a Polaroid and is mean to little girls some more. After breaking a cardboard 'Ectoplasm Detector' Dawn concludes that Ghost Cat is flesh and blood. After that nonsense, they get a phone call from a man saying he saw the ad in the paper and Ghost Cat is actually, Rasputin, his cat. He says he's out of town and he'll be there in two days to pick him up. The part that always killed me is that Mal wonders why he can't come sooner. He's out of town. He just said that. I really do weep for Mal sometimes.
Chapter 12!
I'll give Miles a little credit for having Mal and Jessi discuss A Wrinkle in Time and actually mention parts in the book. But as a smart guy who was shot into space to watch cheesy movies once said, 'Don't put a really good movie in the middle of your crappy one'. This applies to books as well. Jessi is over to help sit on Joe's last day at the monkey house. At least this time the Pike parents have an excuse for being out of the house, they're making arrangements for Joe to move back into Stoneybrook Manor. Jessi introduces herself to Joe and when he's not horrible to her, she comments to Mal that he doesn't seem that bad. Mal says he has his good days and his bad days. She also says he's not horrible he just doesn't have much tact. You know, like our glorious leader, K Ron the Everlasting! But never mind the parallels! Old people are bad and dictators are awesome!
Jessi also says a line that always cracked me up when she mentions her grandmother always saying things like how fat people have gotten or that they're losing their hair. The line that cracks me up is when she says-'I felt like saying mean things back to her, about her winkles [sic] and stuff.' I don't know why but I find that the funniest thing. Something about the way it's worded. Like she's just gonna say 'You have wrinkles!' and think she gave a sick burn. Their fascinating 'people are old' talk gets interrupted by Nicky saying it's time for the ape-lympics. Yes, these brats are supposed to be on their best behaviour so they're gonna run around the house, screaming and competing. Frankly I'm surprised Joe didn't 'accidentally' set those brats on fire. “Gasoline?! I thought it was Mr Bubble!'
During all that ruckus, Mal notices Joe standing in the doorway. He doesn't seem too upset but Mal tells the apes to cool it anyway. She suggests an art contest where the winner will give their picture to Joe to take to Stoneybrook Manor. I find that hilarious too. Like, 'Sorry, losers, your uncle doesn't want your crap drawings tainting his walls and depressing him more.' As the kids are doing a quiet activity, they notice Nicky is missing. Mal goes to look for him and finds him with Joe. Joe is entertaining Nicky with a handkerchief mouse. It's a sweet scene and makes me think of my Grampa even though he was actually kinda stupid and a jerk. Like the time he left my cousin in the basement with his hand on the boiler for two hours because he told him the house would explode if he moved. Mal realises that Joe can handle the apes in small doses but too many of them overwhelm him. Oh! You don't say! Again, your family isn't as cute and charming as you believe, Pike.
Chapter 13!
Mal is sitting at the Craines again and breaking up a fight between the girls. She distracts them by saying they should pay attention to Ghost Cat/Rasputin because it's his last day. The also say Rasputin is a funny name for a cat and I just think about how Cabby's full name is Cabigula Bones which is a portmanteau for Cab Calloway and Caligula, and Bones because he's skinny. Once when my kitty had kittens she had just the right amount to name them after all the characters in Clue, and one time Colonel Mustard followed me and my mom on the walk to her work so, we had a kitten in the office. Sorry, I get distracted by kitties.
They give Rasputin an IQ test seeing if he can find a hidden toy and come to his name. Do your cats come when you just call their name and not make the 'tch tch tch' sound? Because Cab doesn't. I rarely call him by name unless he's in trouble anyways. It's all 'Baggy' and 'Butthole'. While they're giving him some tuna, Mal hears meowing from the attic again. I'm starting to think Mal might be crazy. She's the only one who ever hears the meowing. Either that or the ghost of Tinker knows Mal is the buttmonkey and just wants to fuck with her too. Cats are devious. The Craines come home and Mal hangs around till Rasputin's owner comes along. And omg! He looks just like Kennedy Graham! He takes Rasputin home and the girls are all in shock. Yeah, me too. What the fuck is all that supposed to mean? Were they ghosts? Are ghosts canon in Ann's world? I've only read two other mysteries so I don't know whether confusing, open ended endings are the norm. I should snark some more because I've heard mad things.
Chapter 14!
It's the usual chaos at the ape house as everyone is getting ready to visit Joe at Stoneybrook Manor. Mal still seems to think handmade presents are stupid when she questions Margo's making Joe a pencil holder. What is with Ann and thinking that the presents kids make and give are practically worthless? My Gramma still has my hand print I made when I was a Brownie. One of my mum's most prized possessions was a Mother's Day card that said 'No cat on mom'. Can you imagine if Ann had had kids? “Oh, a macaroni necklace made with love. How trite. Why didn't you go to Bloomingdale's? It's a good thing I didn't waste my time loving you since you clearly don't love me.' Then she'd lounge back in her velvet sofa stuffed with Chapter 2s.
When they get to Stoneybrook Manor, Mal mentions the mystery that started this whole 'I'm a mystery writer now!' thing Ann had when the BSC thought a house was gonna eat all the neighbourhood kidlings. When they get to Joe's room he's playing Scrabble with his roommate. They end the game and he shows them around. They come across a group of volunteers from the Humane Society who have brought animals for the old people to play with. I've always wanted to volunteer at the ASPCA or something but I'm terribly allergic to dogs so, I can't. Everyone enjoys themselves and it's actually pretty nice. If I'm to give Miles anything, it's that she writes nice animal scenes.
Chapter 15!
It's time for Mal's last sitting job at the Craines. Mal talks to Ellen and thinks about how cool she is because Ellen is as subtle a Mary Sue as Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Once the adults leave, the girls say they have a surprise for Mallory. They got a cat! Finally! They went to the shelter and found a white kitten that looked like Rasputin and adopted him. They show her the kitty, Tinkerbell, and explain that she's deaf. They say a lot of people pass up deaf kitties which always makes me sad. What's wrong with a deaf kitty? With a deaf kitty you can watch porn with no headset and not be judged. Unless they come and watch. Jynxie liked Kung Fury.
After her sitting job, Mal heads to Claudia's house for a BSC meeting. Wow, this book made me realise how little the BSC is actually in it. Maybe that's why I liked it. Very few nutty bitches. The BSC is all agog at the fact that Claudia is painting designs on her nails!! OMG! Jesus, what kinda podunk backwater war zone are they living in if a happy face on your nail makes you cream your panties at the uniqueness and creativity? God, I got a nail art kit when I was like ten. Go outside, Ann, you fucking loon. They get a call from the Kormans and K Ron starts screeching about how she can't stand to sit with them if Melody is still playing a harmless game! Surely someone who deals with children so well deserves to be president of a baby-sitting club!
Once they laugh about avoiding a kid who plays a game they don't like, Mal tells them about Rasputin and his mysterious owner. She's sure they were ghosts because she's an idiot. I would be thinking reincarnation or doppelgänger, not ghosts. How often do ghosts make phone calls or you know, be solid? She also says that she misses Joe and that always kills me. Why does the BSC always bitch and whine about someone but as soon as that person exits their life they're like 'My light! Whatever shall I do without you! Oh, sorrow!'? Oh, because they're horrible people, that's why. And so ends our story. So, I don't know what's up next for me so, I'm open to suggestion. And if there's any rage filled Dawn books out there I haven't covered yet let me know. I'll drown my sorrows in pure hatred. Thanks for sticking around, gals. You're the best!
Edit: I decided to do Dawn and the We Kids ❤ Club and Boy Crazy Stacey. Please pray for me, Argentina.
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Okay, not gonna lie, but I actually like this chapter. I know Dawn is in it but she's being incredibly stupid rather than her usual horrible self. Plus I liked the ghost hunting aspect of it. Anyways, Mal is sitting at the Craines again and she invites Dawn over to test whether Ghost Cat is well, a ghost cat. I know I said Dawn isn't her usual horrible self but she does get in a nice bitch remark when Katie asks her if she wants to play with her Barbie and Dawn tells Mal it looks like a plain Barbie when Mal says she should be honoured. Oh hohohohoho! Why would it ever cross Dawn's mind that children have favourite toys that they love?! Dawn doesn't know a concept like love! Her favourite childhood toy was probably a PETA pamphlet about the meat industry.
Miles surprises me by mentioning the Ghostbusters cartoon. I'm surprised she knew that existed. That show was the shit! Maybe she thought she couldn't really mention the movie as it's really not a kids film. That didn't stop me from seeing it though. So, Dawn tries out some tests on Ghost Cat including testing the room temperature and sprinkling flour on the floor to see if he leaves prints. Wait, that's the same thing Mica did in Paranormal Activity. I knew Dawn was an asshole! She also takes his picture with a Polaroid and is mean to little girls some more. After breaking a cardboard 'Ectoplasm Detector' Dawn concludes that Ghost Cat is flesh and blood. After that nonsense, they get a phone call from a man saying he saw the ad in the paper and Ghost Cat is actually, Rasputin, his cat. He says he's out of town and he'll be there in two days to pick him up. The part that always killed me is that Mal wonders why he can't come sooner. He's out of town. He just said that. I really do weep for Mal sometimes.
Chapter 12!
I'll give Miles a little credit for having Mal and Jessi discuss A Wrinkle in Time and actually mention parts in the book. But as a smart guy who was shot into space to watch cheesy movies once said, 'Don't put a really good movie in the middle of your crappy one'. This applies to books as well. Jessi is over to help sit on Joe's last day at the monkey house. At least this time the Pike parents have an excuse for being out of the house, they're making arrangements for Joe to move back into Stoneybrook Manor. Jessi introduces herself to Joe and when he's not horrible to her, she comments to Mal that he doesn't seem that bad. Mal says he has his good days and his bad days. She also says he's not horrible he just doesn't have much tact. You know, like our glorious leader, K Ron the Everlasting! But never mind the parallels! Old people are bad and dictators are awesome!
Jessi also says a line that always cracked me up when she mentions her grandmother always saying things like how fat people have gotten or that they're losing their hair. The line that cracks me up is when she says-'I felt like saying mean things back to her, about her winkles [sic] and stuff.' I don't know why but I find that the funniest thing. Something about the way it's worded. Like she's just gonna say 'You have wrinkles!' and think she gave a sick burn. Their fascinating 'people are old' talk gets interrupted by Nicky saying it's time for the ape-lympics. Yes, these brats are supposed to be on their best behaviour so they're gonna run around the house, screaming and competing. Frankly I'm surprised Joe didn't 'accidentally' set those brats on fire. “Gasoline?! I thought it was Mr Bubble!'
During all that ruckus, Mal notices Joe standing in the doorway. He doesn't seem too upset but Mal tells the apes to cool it anyway. She suggests an art contest where the winner will give their picture to Joe to take to Stoneybrook Manor. I find that hilarious too. Like, 'Sorry, losers, your uncle doesn't want your crap drawings tainting his walls and depressing him more.' As the kids are doing a quiet activity, they notice Nicky is missing. Mal goes to look for him and finds him with Joe. Joe is entertaining Nicky with a handkerchief mouse. It's a sweet scene and makes me think of my Grampa even though he was actually kinda stupid and a jerk. Like the time he left my cousin in the basement with his hand on the boiler for two hours because he told him the house would explode if he moved. Mal realises that Joe can handle the apes in small doses but too many of them overwhelm him. Oh! You don't say! Again, your family isn't as cute and charming as you believe, Pike.
Chapter 13!
Mal is sitting at the Craines again and breaking up a fight between the girls. She distracts them by saying they should pay attention to Ghost Cat/Rasputin because it's his last day. The also say Rasputin is a funny name for a cat and I just think about how Cabby's full name is Cabigula Bones which is a portmanteau for Cab Calloway and Caligula, and Bones because he's skinny. Once when my kitty had kittens she had just the right amount to name them after all the characters in Clue, and one time Colonel Mustard followed me and my mom on the walk to her work so, we had a kitten in the office. Sorry, I get distracted by kitties.
They give Rasputin an IQ test seeing if he can find a hidden toy and come to his name. Do your cats come when you just call their name and not make the 'tch tch tch' sound? Because Cab doesn't. I rarely call him by name unless he's in trouble anyways. It's all 'Baggy' and 'Butthole'. While they're giving him some tuna, Mal hears meowing from the attic again. I'm starting to think Mal might be crazy. She's the only one who ever hears the meowing. Either that or the ghost of Tinker knows Mal is the buttmonkey and just wants to fuck with her too. Cats are devious. The Craines come home and Mal hangs around till Rasputin's owner comes along. And omg! He looks just like Kennedy Graham! He takes Rasputin home and the girls are all in shock. Yeah, me too. What the fuck is all that supposed to mean? Were they ghosts? Are ghosts canon in Ann's world? I've only read two other mysteries so I don't know whether confusing, open ended endings are the norm. I should snark some more because I've heard mad things.
Chapter 14!
It's the usual chaos at the ape house as everyone is getting ready to visit Joe at Stoneybrook Manor. Mal still seems to think handmade presents are stupid when she questions Margo's making Joe a pencil holder. What is with Ann and thinking that the presents kids make and give are practically worthless? My Gramma still has my hand print I made when I was a Brownie. One of my mum's most prized possessions was a Mother's Day card that said 'No cat on mom'. Can you imagine if Ann had had kids? “Oh, a macaroni necklace made with love. How trite. Why didn't you go to Bloomingdale's? It's a good thing I didn't waste my time loving you since you clearly don't love me.' Then she'd lounge back in her velvet sofa stuffed with Chapter 2s.
When they get to Stoneybrook Manor, Mal mentions the mystery that started this whole 'I'm a mystery writer now!' thing Ann had when the BSC thought a house was gonna eat all the neighbourhood kidlings. When they get to Joe's room he's playing Scrabble with his roommate. They end the game and he shows them around. They come across a group of volunteers from the Humane Society who have brought animals for the old people to play with. I've always wanted to volunteer at the ASPCA or something but I'm terribly allergic to dogs so, I can't. Everyone enjoys themselves and it's actually pretty nice. If I'm to give Miles anything, it's that she writes nice animal scenes.
Chapter 15!
It's time for Mal's last sitting job at the Craines. Mal talks to Ellen and thinks about how cool she is because Ellen is as subtle a Mary Sue as Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Once the adults leave, the girls say they have a surprise for Mallory. They got a cat! Finally! They went to the shelter and found a white kitten that looked like Rasputin and adopted him. They show her the kitty, Tinkerbell, and explain that she's deaf. They say a lot of people pass up deaf kitties which always makes me sad. What's wrong with a deaf kitty? With a deaf kitty you can watch porn with no headset and not be judged. Unless they come and watch. Jynxie liked Kung Fury.
After her sitting job, Mal heads to Claudia's house for a BSC meeting. Wow, this book made me realise how little the BSC is actually in it. Maybe that's why I liked it. Very few nutty bitches. The BSC is all agog at the fact that Claudia is painting designs on her nails!! OMG! Jesus, what kinda podunk backwater war zone are they living in if a happy face on your nail makes you cream your panties at the uniqueness and creativity? God, I got a nail art kit when I was like ten. Go outside, Ann, you fucking loon. They get a call from the Kormans and K Ron starts screeching about how she can't stand to sit with them if Melody is still playing a harmless game! Surely someone who deals with children so well deserves to be president of a baby-sitting club!
Once they laugh about avoiding a kid who plays a game they don't like, Mal tells them about Rasputin and his mysterious owner. She's sure they were ghosts because she's an idiot. I would be thinking reincarnation or doppelgänger, not ghosts. How often do ghosts make phone calls or you know, be solid? She also says that she misses Joe and that always kills me. Why does the BSC always bitch and whine about someone but as soon as that person exits their life they're like 'My light! Whatever shall I do without you! Oh, sorrow!'? Oh, because they're horrible people, that's why. And so ends our story. So, I don't know what's up next for me so, I'm open to suggestion. And if there's any rage filled Dawn books out there I haven't covered yet let me know. I'll drown my sorrows in pure hatred. Thanks for sticking around, gals. You're the best!
Edit: I decided to do Dawn and the We Kids ❤ Club and Boy Crazy Stacey. Please pray for me, Argentina.