BSC #50: DAWN’S BIG DATE OR F*(K THIS BOOK! F*(K IT! THE END!
BSC #50: DAWN’S BIG DATE OR F*(K THIS BOOK! F*(K IT! THE END!
Hello my peeps! Hope everyone’s inside where the cold weather can’t get you. Thank you for commenting and even reading, I know this book bites the big one! I decided to just plow through the last few chapters in order to get this piece of crap out of my life for good, HOPE NO ONE MIND!
*STRAP IN KIDS, IT’S GONNA GET LOUD! AND LONG!
Chapter 7:
Dawn’s so fucking obsessed with her new look, bitch CARRIES A FUCKING PICTURE OF HERSELF AROUND WITH HER!
WHY WOULD SHE…. I GOT NOTHING FOLKS! SO SHE SENT ONE TO LEWIS AND TOOK ANOTHER TO KEEP AND HIDE IN HER SCHOOL BOOKS TO STARE AT?
AND APPARENTLY; THIS PHOTO IF FUCKING ‘FASCINATING’! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DOES A PHOTO OF HER DRESSED LIKE ROBIN FUCKING SPARKLES ‘FASCINATE’ HER SO GODDAMN MUCH?
Although; to be fair, Robin Sparkles is pretty awesome!
Anyway, the bitch is sitting in class drooling over her OWN GODDAMN PICTURE;
And jackass decides that she’s done with making people happy, now she’s making herself happy by acting ‘cool’. AND WHEN THE FUCK HAS THIS CUNT EVER, EVER MADE SOMEONE FUCKING HAPPY; LIKE AT ALL? SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN LOOKING OUT FOR HERSELF; THIS ISN’T A NEW FUCKING DEVELOPMENT, ANN! FUCKING HELL, THIS BOOK SUCKS!
AND HOW DOES SHE DECIDE TO BECOME ‘COOL’? BY BLOWING A FUCKING POP QUIZ! BECAUSE THAT’S REALLY FUCKING COOL, STUPIDITY! FUCK ME, SHE REALLY IS MALIBU STACEY!
SINCE WHEN IS IT CONSIDERED ‘COOL’ TO ACT LIKE A BRAIN DEAD NIMROD? SHE SOOO WOULD HAVE BEEN SHUNNED IN MY SCHOOL! EVEN THE POPULAR KIDS WERE GETTING GOOD GRADES! WHATEVER, DON’T CARE!
So Dawn’s not only turning into Malibu fucking Stacey, she’s also cutting up her clothes to look like a drunken Madonna in the eighties. I’m not even kidding; all her jeans get ripped, her blouses become off-the-shoulder tops, and she even makes a mini skirt out of gray sweat pants; SOMEHOW! CAN THIS BE DONE, I KNOW THEY EXPLAIN IT IN THE BOOK; BUT I ALWAYS WONDERED! MA tells her that she should be talking to Claudia about clothing; but Dawn’s all ‘I’ll dress like my own version of a drunken Madonna, thank you very much!’ When MA asks if Lewis is the reason for all the mall rat gear, Dawn says no but IT’S ALL BOYS! She bitches that she can’t get a boy interested in her, and sweetie? DID YOU EVER FUCKING THINK IT’S YOUR PERSONALITY? LOOKS DON’T MEAN SHIT IF YOU’RE A CUNT! Then we get some BULLSHIT about how ‘cool kids don’t ever explain themselves at all and barely fucking speak’; and I hope to fuck this actually sticks with Dawn, bitch speaks WAYYYY tooo fucking much already!
MA actually thinks it’s a good idea for Dawn to completely change everything about herself for a man; or as I like to think that MA is just fucking with Dawn as payback for making her life a fucking Hell. And instead of Dawn being happy that MA’s fucking supportive; NO! SHE’S ALL; ‘WHY DOES MA THINK I NEED TO CHANGE? WHY DOESN’T SHE SAY I’M ‘FINE THE WAY I AM?’ DAWN;
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD; SHUT UP! ITS YOU THAT SUPPOSEDLY WANTS THIS FUCKING CHANGE; AND IF YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING ‘INDIVIDUAL’; TELL ME: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS? DON’T EXPECT EVERYONE TO ACCEPT THE CHANGE AND THEN KISS YOUR ASS ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOU WERE BEFORE! FUCKING HELL, THIS BITCH HAS MORE PERSONALITIES THAN FUCKING KIMBERLY FROM MELROSE PLACE!
MAYBE DAWN WILL BE THE ONE THAT BLOWS UP STONEYBROOK INSTEAD!
Later at the meeting; GUESS WHAT? NO ONE LIKES HER FUCKING MAKEOVER!
REALLY, NO ONE LIKES THE MAKEOVER? CONSIDERING THESE TWATS FLIP OUT OVER DARING TO HAVE NEW FRIENDS, A FUCKING MAKEOVER WOULD REALLY BE FLIPPING THEIR BITCH SWITCHES! JUST YOU WAIT MA, IT’S YOUR TIME SOON ENOUGH!
Then we get some BULLSHIT about Claudia saying that the look’s not really her; and I can believe that. Dawn’s resting bitch face would ruin the mallrat look, but stupid bitch takes a simple opinion as offense. Because apparently, Claudia AND Stacey are fucking jealous of Dawn ALL BECAUSE SHE DARED TO DRESS LIKE THEM!
MUST BE SOMETHING LIVING IN DAWN’S HEAD, I TELL YOU!
Dawn spends the rest of the meeting chewing bubble gum that she JUST HAS to tell us is sugarless;
And Mal teaches her how to blow bubbles, all while K-Ron is trying to arrange some fucking pizza party with their sitting charges FOR SOME REASON! CONSIDERING THERE’S ABOUT A MILLION FUCKING THINGS WRONG WITH THEM NOT PULLING IT OFF: INFANTS, BARRETT KIDS, NORMAN AND ALLERGIES; PLUS THE FUCKING FACT THAT IT NEVER HAPPENS, THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH WAS COMPLETELY FUCKING POINTLESS! I SERIOUSLY WONDER HOW MANY ROOMS WE CAN FILL WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT FILLER IN THESE BOOKS; I THINK THE CHAPTER TWO’S WOULD FILL A FUCKING MANSION!
And OF COURSE! Once that bubble’s blow, EVERYONE LOOKS AT DAWN LIKE SHE JUST SQUATTED ON THE FLOOR AND ACTED LIKE BUBBLES FROM ZACK AND MIRI!
Then the Cult asks just what the fuck’s up with Dawn lately and bitch actually says that no one dared to be this nasty when MA changed her whole look.
JUST YOU WAIT TEN BOOKS!
Dawn proceeds to turn into a freakin martyr about the whole thing; ‘I guess I’ll never chew gum again’ and SHUT THE FUCK UP! ALL THEY SAID WAS THE LOOK WASN’T YOU AND IT’S NOT! They ask if this is for Lewis and when bitch pulls the ‘yes/no’ BULLSHIT; GET THIS: STACEY’S THE ONE WHO TELLS HER NOT TO CHANGE FOR A FUCKING GUY! YEA, BECAUSE STACEY DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING HISTORY OF BENDING OVER BACKWARDS, FRONTWARDS, SIDEWAYS AND EVERY OTHER DIRECTION FOR A GUY! This leads to Dawn saying guys don’t like her and it’s so hard; and again IT’S YOUR PERSONALITY! CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PERSONALITY BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING BITCH!
The chapter ends with the meeting over and MA and Dawn going home; where Dawn mails a risqué postcard to Lewis. It’s all about how she can’t wait to hear his voice whisper in her ear and EWWWW!
GOOD LORD, SHE’S ACTING LIKE STACEY DOES WHEN A GUY CALLS HER PRETTY! RUN LEWIS, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Chapter 8:
Dawn, MA, Logan and his parents are all going to La Guardia to pick up Lewis; and I have no idea why MA and Dawn are coming. Wouldn’t Lewis want to meet Dawn when he’s not travel weary. Whatever, still don’t care. What I do care about is Dawn’s BATSHIT INSANE FUCKING OUTFIT: ‘black ballet slippers, black lace Capri leggings, a short metallic sliver skirt that poofed out, a stretch, tight, black and white striped top with long sleeves, six rubber bangle bracelets and feather earrings; plus black hoops. Also her hair is piled on top of her head with six braids.’ HOLY HELL; SHE MUST LOOK LIKE A ‘SEXY HAMBURGLER’ HALLOWEEN COSTUME!
Her parents weren’t having it; but decided ‘Fuck it, she’s damaged goods already’ and let her go. Lewis shows up; sees Dawn and basically is like this;
Because Dawn looks like an escaped mental patient! Anyhoo… they leave and MA asks Lewis if Dawn’s ‘how he pictured’ and he’s all ‘not really, you look more like the second picture’. Yea, he pictured this:
AND HE FUCKING GOT THIS INSTEAD:
So basically, Dawn spends the entire car ride home quiet as a fucking mouse and MA tells her that she needs to actually TALK to Lewis at some point. She even gives her some BULLSHIT article about conversation skills; which pretty much says that Dawn needs to talk ONLY ABOUT LEWIS AND NOT SAY A FUCKING WORD ABOUT HERSELF! AND DAWN BUYS THIS! SHE EVEN ASKS IF MA HAS TO DO THIS WITH LOGAN AND NO! SHE DOESN’T BECAUSE ‘LOGAN LIKES ME THE WAY I AM!’
FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK ANN? GREAT MESSAGE TO SEND TO TEENAGE GIRLS; IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR THE FUCKED UP WAY OF THINKING WE HAD BACK IN THE DAY! FUCK YOU WITH A CHAINSAW! NOT GENTLY!
THIS FUCKING CHAPTER ENDS WITH LOGAN CALLING MA TO SET UP A DOUBLE DATE THAT LEWIS PROBABLY HAD TO BE BLACKMAILED INTO!
Chapter 9:
*I’m gonna try to make the last few Norman chapters short; because I don’t want to get in trouble for starting a massive fucking bonfire in my yard with all my BSC books. It’s for all our sakes really.*
Stacey’s up next at Norman’s, and apparently his parents became fucking Nazi’s since the last time someone babysit and now Norman has to lose weight no matter what. He has to use an exercise tape and he has a meal plan he has to stick too; and all this shit is fucking said as his parents rush off to a GODDAMN HEALTH CLUB! HERE’S A THOUGHT ASSHOLES; TAKE THE KID WITH YOU! THERE’S GOTTA BE A KID’S CLASS OR PLAYGROUP OR SOMETHING, MAYBE HE’LL GET TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS! BUT NO!!! THEY RUSH OUT, TELLING STACEY THAT HE HAS TO EAT THE CELERY AND CARROT STICKS IN THE FRIDGE; NOT THE JUNK FOOD THEY STILL BUY AND HAVE IN THE HOUSE! YEA, I LOVE CELERY AND CARROTS TOO; BUT IF I HAD A CHOICE BETWEEN THOSE AND THE CAKES/COOKIES; THE FUCKING CAKE’S GOING FIRST!
Stacey tells him about how hard it is for her to be on a diet too; because of the dieebtus. Sarah rushes in for food to bring to Elizabeth’s; which Norman asks to go to FOR SOME REASON! If someone was constantly making fun of me; I wouldn’t go to their fucking house unless I got to slap the shit out of them and go the fuck home! Sarah tells him that he has to stick to his diet and considering the fact that she’s bringing FUCKING BANANAS WITH HER; ME THINKS THAT HE IS STICKING TO THE DIET AND SHE CAN GO FUCK HERSELF TOO! Doesn’t matter anyway, Stacey tells him to stay so they can do the tape together; and the two seem to have some fun. But then…
NORMAN SNEAKS POTATO CHIPS!
The poor kid says he’s feeling sad and that’s why he’s eating junk food; and I CAN’T SNARK THAT! THIS IS REALLY SAD AND I REALLY FEEL FOR THE KID! HIS PARENTS/FAMILY/ASSHOLES AT SCHOOL/SITTERS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES AND HE HAS NO COMFORT FROM ANYONE, NO ONE TO VENT TOO, NOTHING! IT’S A HARD ENOUGH HABIT TO BREAK FROM EATING JUNK AS IT IS; BUT WHEN IT’S USED AS COMFORT? IT’S EVEN HARDER!
He and Stacey talk about about the assholes bugging him, and how his parents are COMPLETE FUCKING DICKS TO HIM ALL THE TIME! THE FUCKING PRICKS MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT HIM BEING FAT AND HOW COME ‘A SMART KID LIKE HIM CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT?’ AND ‘THAT HE’S SO FAT, HOW CAN HE BE THEIR SON’ AND FUCK YOU HILLS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE ASSHOLES; NO WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ANN FOR THINKING OF THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE? THERE MUST BE SO MUCH VENOM IN HER VEINS; HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS FUCKING EVIL? THAT POOR KID; I WANT TO HUG HIM AND RAISE HIM MYSELF!
The rest of the chapter is Stacey making a toilet joke and I ain’t snarking that; it’s the first time the kid’s fucking smiled and I ain’t taking that away from him!
Chapter 10:
It’s time for the BIG DATE! Dawn’s been speed reading the teen mags; and she has all the BULLSHIT articles about dating and crap memorized. MA stops her from wearing one of her BATSHIT INSANE outfits and we hear that MA’s wearing a flowered dress and has her hair in a French Braid; which is so NOT WHAT SHE’S WEARING ON THE COVER OF THE FUCKING BOOK ANN! FUCKING HELL! MA gives Dawn a denim skirt and black turtleneck; which Dawn manages to fuck up with WAYYY tooo much fucking makeup, especially eyeliner; rolling up her skirt, putting on ‘textured stockings, black boots’; plus making her hair look like Shirley Temple’s on crack. BECAUSE APPARENTLY BOYS DON’T LIKE GIRLS WITH THEIR HAIR PULLED BACK! FUCK ME, I ALWAYS HAVE MINE TIED BACK; I GUESS MY HUSBAND’S BEEN LYING TO ME THIS WHOLE TIME!
She comes downstairs and MA proceeds to ask just why the fuck she put so much goddamn makeup on; and now there’s no time to fix it. MA tells her that they decided to see the movie first and then eat later and WHY? ESPECIALLY FOR SUCH A LONG MOVIE LIKE GWTW; I WOULD EAT FIRST! AND BULLSHIT THAT THEY HAVE TO BE HOME BY TEN-THIRTY; IF THEY LEFT AT SIX-THIRTY, THAT’S THE LENGTH OF THE FUCKING MOVIE! HOW ARE THEY GONNA MAKE IT HOME IN TIME?
During the car ride; Dawn uses EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF ADVICE SHE READ IN THE ARTICLES AND SOUNDS LIKE A COMPLETE NIMROD! SHE CONSTANTLY USES LEWIS’ NAME, LIES HER ASS OFF ABOUT GOING OUT ALL THE TIME, AND GIVES HIM SHITTY COMPLIMENTS! So now everyone thinks she’s fucking nuts and they get to the theater; where MA springs the surprise of GWTW on everyone; because it’s romantic and scary at parts, and Dawn can get a chance to hold hands and cuddle with Lewis. Whatever, I don’t care. And this is the point in the story where MA becomes a fucking psycho; because she FUCKING PINCHES DAWN WHEN SHE SAYS SOMETHING SHE DON’T LIKE! OWWWW…. THAT MUST’VE HURT LIKE A BITCH! I WOULD FEEL BAD FOR DAWN; BUT SINCE NIMROD TELLS US THAT ‘BOYS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO LIKE SMART GIRLS’; FUCK IT! PINCH HER AGAIN, THIS TIME ON THE UPPER ARM! HOPE THAT BITCH IS BLACK AND BLUE BY THE END OF THIS!
During the movie Dawn continues to act like a fucking asshole by trying to hold Lewis’ hand in the popcorn box and knocking it over; and crying all her makeup off twice and by the time the movie’s over; it’s too late for dinner. The crew heads home with MA still trying to get Lewis and Dawn together and it doesn’t fucking work and now the bitches are mad at each other; MA for not getting a thank you and Dawn for the date being ruined.
Chapters 11-12:
Back at the Cult meeting; MA and Dawn each bitch and moan about how it went and then the chapter switches gears entirely to talk about how they can help Norman. The girls end up calling MA and Dawn; forcing them to talk to each other about ways to help the kid and I really don’t care; this chapter’s just filler at this point.
Cut to MA giving Norman a dance tape of Jessi’s to dance too and Sarah putting up awful fucking pictures of Norman as a pig; and of course, LITTLE BITCH DOESN’T GET PUNISHED FOR THIS SHIT! INSTEAD SHE TELLS NORMAN TO STAND UP TO HER AND THE KID FINALLY DOES BY TEARING DOWN THE PICTURES AND TELLING HER THAT HE’LL KEEP DOING IT IF SHE KEEPS DRAWING FUCKING PICTURES!
ABOUT TIME!
The rest of the chapter is Norman agreeing to talk to his parents and Sarah and him bonding over the dance video. THEN MA COMPARES NORMAN TO DAWN, SAYING THAT SHE DIDN’T PRAISE DAWN ENOUGH AND TRIED TO CHANGE HER! FUCKING REALLY WITH THIS SHIT?! DAWN’S THE ONE WHO WANTED TO CHANGE, MA DID NOTHING BUT HELP HER! YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS SHIT’S ALMOST OVER; I DON’T FUCKING CARE!
Chapters 13-15:
*Gonna make the rest of this quick, hope no one minds!*
Dawn finally decides to talk to Lewis and while she still acts like a dumbass; she ends the chapter by becoming herself again and having him try health food that he ends up liking. MA and her makeup and they do another fucking double date; this time bowling and a health food restaurant with BBQ tofu and red bean ice cream; which forgive me; SOUNDS NASTY! MA apologizes for something she didn’t even do and again compares Dawn to Norman and I almost throw the fucking computer out the window; but this is almost done!
Dawn and Lewis end up kissing and they vow to write again. Then we cut to Dawn sitting for Norman again; and we hear that the couple writes back and forth to each other. Sarah comes home, saying that she finally knocked that little bitch Elizabeth right on her fucking ass and I cheer a bit. Norman ended up talking to his parents and all the diet stuff is down from the fridge and he and Sarah are closer. He asks Dawn to take a pic for his girlfriend; saying that he’s going to pretend he has the dieebtus so he can lose weight; and FUCKING REALLY? COULDN’T JUST HAVE THE KID BE HAPPY WITH HIS WEIGHT; NO THE PARENTS ARE STILL ASSHOLES! AT LEAST THEY STOPPED BUYING JUNK FOOD!
This piece of shit book ends with Dawn finding out that Lewis likes how she is; which really makes me question the boy’s sanity. Whatever:
Thanks for reading and commenting! I’ll see you soon! Sorry the last few chapters were short; but this book was freaking HORRIBLE!
-New snarks up here: http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/ and here: http://bleedingthorn-2.livejournal.com/ Feel free to comment!
-Time for another vote for next book snark! Voting’s open until Tuesday! I hope to have the first part up before Thanksgiving; but if not, Happy Thanksgiving to all!
· #3 The Truth about Stacey
· #24 Kristy and the Mother’s Day Surprise
· #43 Stacey’s Emergency
· #71 Claudia and the Perfect Boy
· Mystery #6 The Mystery at Claudia’s House
· SS#12 Here Come the Bridesmaids!
Concerning the Channel Surfing in Hell site; I have enough movie notes/pics for a couple of months at least; but I was wondering something. Would anyone be interested in a WWE Studios block? I have Oculus, Road to Paloma, and I am trying to get my hands on the 12 Rounds Trilogy with Randy Orton, Jon Cena and Dean Ambrose. I just want to know if this would be something you guys would be into; I can also try to find other WWE Studio films, they made a ton! Let me know; again not something that’s gonna be done for a while, just curious to see if there’s interest in it at all! Thanks again guys! See you soon!
Hello my peeps! Hope everyone’s inside where the cold weather can’t get you. Thank you for commenting and even reading, I know this book bites the big one! I decided to just plow through the last few chapters in order to get this piece of crap out of my life for good, HOPE NO ONE MIND!
*STRAP IN KIDS, IT’S GONNA GET LOUD! AND LONG!
Chapter 7:
Dawn’s so fucking obsessed with her new look, bitch CARRIES A FUCKING PICTURE OF HERSELF AROUND WITH HER!
WHY WOULD SHE…. I GOT NOTHING FOLKS! SO SHE SENT ONE TO LEWIS AND TOOK ANOTHER TO KEEP AND HIDE IN HER SCHOOL BOOKS TO STARE AT?
Click to viewAND APPARENTLY; THIS PHOTO IF FUCKING ‘FASCINATING’! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DOES A PHOTO OF HER DRESSED LIKE ROBIN FUCKING SPARKLES ‘FASCINATE’ HER SO GODDAMN MUCH?
Although; to be fair, Robin Sparkles is pretty awesome!
Anyway, the bitch is sitting in class drooling over her OWN GODDAMN PICTURE;
And jackass decides that she’s done with making people happy, now she’s making herself happy by acting ‘cool’. AND WHEN THE FUCK HAS THIS CUNT EVER, EVER MADE SOMEONE FUCKING HAPPY; LIKE AT ALL? SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN LOOKING OUT FOR HERSELF; THIS ISN’T A NEW FUCKING DEVELOPMENT, ANN! FUCKING HELL, THIS BOOK SUCKS!
AND HOW DOES SHE DECIDE TO BECOME ‘COOL’? BY BLOWING A FUCKING POP QUIZ! BECAUSE THAT’S REALLY FUCKING COOL, STUPIDITY! FUCK ME, SHE REALLY IS MALIBU STACEY!
SINCE WHEN IS IT CONSIDERED ‘COOL’ TO ACT LIKE A BRAIN DEAD NIMROD? SHE SOOO WOULD HAVE BEEN SHUNNED IN MY SCHOOL! EVEN THE POPULAR KIDS WERE GETTING GOOD GRADES! WHATEVER, DON’T CARE!
So Dawn’s not only turning into Malibu fucking Stacey, she’s also cutting up her clothes to look like a drunken Madonna in the eighties. I’m not even kidding; all her jeans get ripped, her blouses become off-the-shoulder tops, and she even makes a mini skirt out of gray sweat pants; SOMEHOW! CAN THIS BE DONE, I KNOW THEY EXPLAIN IT IN THE BOOK; BUT I ALWAYS WONDERED! MA tells her that she should be talking to Claudia about clothing; but Dawn’s all ‘I’ll dress like my own version of a drunken Madonna, thank you very much!’ When MA asks if Lewis is the reason for all the mall rat gear, Dawn says no but IT’S ALL BOYS! She bitches that she can’t get a boy interested in her, and sweetie? DID YOU EVER FUCKING THINK IT’S YOUR PERSONALITY? LOOKS DON’T MEAN SHIT IF YOU’RE A CUNT! Then we get some BULLSHIT about how ‘cool kids don’t ever explain themselves at all and barely fucking speak’; and I hope to fuck this actually sticks with Dawn, bitch speaks WAYYYY tooo fucking much already!
MA actually thinks it’s a good idea for Dawn to completely change everything about herself for a man; or as I like to think that MA is just fucking with Dawn as payback for making her life a fucking Hell. And instead of Dawn being happy that MA’s fucking supportive; NO! SHE’S ALL; ‘WHY DOES MA THINK I NEED TO CHANGE? WHY DOESN’T SHE SAY I’M ‘FINE THE WAY I AM?’ DAWN;
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD; SHUT UP! ITS YOU THAT SUPPOSEDLY WANTS THIS FUCKING CHANGE; AND IF YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING ‘INDIVIDUAL’; TELL ME: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS? DON’T EXPECT EVERYONE TO ACCEPT THE CHANGE AND THEN KISS YOUR ASS ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOU WERE BEFORE! FUCKING HELL, THIS BITCH HAS MORE PERSONALITIES THAN FUCKING KIMBERLY FROM MELROSE PLACE!
MAYBE DAWN WILL BE THE ONE THAT BLOWS UP STONEYBROOK INSTEAD!
Later at the meeting; GUESS WHAT? NO ONE LIKES HER FUCKING MAKEOVER!
REALLY, NO ONE LIKES THE MAKEOVER? CONSIDERING THESE TWATS FLIP OUT OVER DARING TO HAVE NEW FRIENDS, A FUCKING MAKEOVER WOULD REALLY BE FLIPPING THEIR BITCH SWITCHES! JUST YOU WAIT MA, IT’S YOUR TIME SOON ENOUGH!
Then we get some BULLSHIT about Claudia saying that the look’s not really her; and I can believe that. Dawn’s resting bitch face would ruin the mallrat look, but stupid bitch takes a simple opinion as offense. Because apparently, Claudia AND Stacey are fucking jealous of Dawn ALL BECAUSE SHE DARED TO DRESS LIKE THEM!
MUST BE SOMETHING LIVING IN DAWN’S HEAD, I TELL YOU!
Dawn spends the rest of the meeting chewing bubble gum that she JUST HAS to tell us is sugarless;
And Mal teaches her how to blow bubbles, all while K-Ron is trying to arrange some fucking pizza party with their sitting charges FOR SOME REASON! CONSIDERING THERE’S ABOUT A MILLION FUCKING THINGS WRONG WITH THEM NOT PULLING IT OFF: INFANTS, BARRETT KIDS, NORMAN AND ALLERGIES; PLUS THE FUCKING FACT THAT IT NEVER HAPPENS, THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH WAS COMPLETELY FUCKING POINTLESS! I SERIOUSLY WONDER HOW MANY ROOMS WE CAN FILL WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT FILLER IN THESE BOOKS; I THINK THE CHAPTER TWO’S WOULD FILL A FUCKING MANSION!
And OF COURSE! Once that bubble’s blow, EVERYONE LOOKS AT DAWN LIKE SHE JUST SQUATTED ON THE FLOOR AND ACTED LIKE BUBBLES FROM ZACK AND MIRI!
Then the Cult asks just what the fuck’s up with Dawn lately and bitch actually says that no one dared to be this nasty when MA changed her whole look.
JUST YOU WAIT TEN BOOKS!
Dawn proceeds to turn into a freakin martyr about the whole thing; ‘I guess I’ll never chew gum again’ and SHUT THE FUCK UP! ALL THEY SAID WAS THE LOOK WASN’T YOU AND IT’S NOT! They ask if this is for Lewis and when bitch pulls the ‘yes/no’ BULLSHIT; GET THIS: STACEY’S THE ONE WHO TELLS HER NOT TO CHANGE FOR A FUCKING GUY! YEA, BECAUSE STACEY DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING HISTORY OF BENDING OVER BACKWARDS, FRONTWARDS, SIDEWAYS AND EVERY OTHER DIRECTION FOR A GUY! This leads to Dawn saying guys don’t like her and it’s so hard; and again IT’S YOUR PERSONALITY! CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PERSONALITY BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING BITCH!
The chapter ends with the meeting over and MA and Dawn going home; where Dawn mails a risqué postcard to Lewis. It’s all about how she can’t wait to hear his voice whisper in her ear and EWWWW!
GOOD LORD, SHE’S ACTING LIKE STACEY DOES WHEN A GUY CALLS HER PRETTY! RUN LEWIS, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Chapter 8:
Dawn, MA, Logan and his parents are all going to La Guardia to pick up Lewis; and I have no idea why MA and Dawn are coming. Wouldn’t Lewis want to meet Dawn when he’s not travel weary. Whatever, still don’t care. What I do care about is Dawn’s BATSHIT INSANE FUCKING OUTFIT: ‘black ballet slippers, black lace Capri leggings, a short metallic sliver skirt that poofed out, a stretch, tight, black and white striped top with long sleeves, six rubber bangle bracelets and feather earrings; plus black hoops. Also her hair is piled on top of her head with six braids.’ HOLY HELL; SHE MUST LOOK LIKE A ‘SEXY HAMBURGLER’ HALLOWEEN COSTUME!
Her parents weren’t having it; but decided ‘Fuck it, she’s damaged goods already’ and let her go. Lewis shows up; sees Dawn and basically is like this;
Because Dawn looks like an escaped mental patient! Anyhoo… they leave and MA asks Lewis if Dawn’s ‘how he pictured’ and he’s all ‘not really, you look more like the second picture’. Yea, he pictured this:
AND HE FUCKING GOT THIS INSTEAD:
So basically, Dawn spends the entire car ride home quiet as a fucking mouse and MA tells her that she needs to actually TALK to Lewis at some point. She even gives her some BULLSHIT article about conversation skills; which pretty much says that Dawn needs to talk ONLY ABOUT LEWIS AND NOT SAY A FUCKING WORD ABOUT HERSELF! AND DAWN BUYS THIS! SHE EVEN ASKS IF MA HAS TO DO THIS WITH LOGAN AND NO! SHE DOESN’T BECAUSE ‘LOGAN LIKES ME THE WAY I AM!’
FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK ANN? GREAT MESSAGE TO SEND TO TEENAGE GIRLS; IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR THE FUCKED UP WAY OF THINKING WE HAD BACK IN THE DAY! FUCK YOU WITH A CHAINSAW! NOT GENTLY!
THIS FUCKING CHAPTER ENDS WITH LOGAN CALLING MA TO SET UP A DOUBLE DATE THAT LEWIS PROBABLY HAD TO BE BLACKMAILED INTO!
Chapter 9:
*I’m gonna try to make the last few Norman chapters short; because I don’t want to get in trouble for starting a massive fucking bonfire in my yard with all my BSC books. It’s for all our sakes really.*
Stacey’s up next at Norman’s, and apparently his parents became fucking Nazi’s since the last time someone babysit and now Norman has to lose weight no matter what. He has to use an exercise tape and he has a meal plan he has to stick too; and all this shit is fucking said as his parents rush off to a GODDAMN HEALTH CLUB! HERE’S A THOUGHT ASSHOLES; TAKE THE KID WITH YOU! THERE’S GOTTA BE A KID’S CLASS OR PLAYGROUP OR SOMETHING, MAYBE HE’LL GET TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS! BUT NO!!! THEY RUSH OUT, TELLING STACEY THAT HE HAS TO EAT THE CELERY AND CARROT STICKS IN THE FRIDGE; NOT THE JUNK FOOD THEY STILL BUY AND HAVE IN THE HOUSE! YEA, I LOVE CELERY AND CARROTS TOO; BUT IF I HAD A CHOICE BETWEEN THOSE AND THE CAKES/COOKIES; THE FUCKING CAKE’S GOING FIRST!
Stacey tells him about how hard it is for her to be on a diet too; because of the dieebtus. Sarah rushes in for food to bring to Elizabeth’s; which Norman asks to go to FOR SOME REASON! If someone was constantly making fun of me; I wouldn’t go to their fucking house unless I got to slap the shit out of them and go the fuck home! Sarah tells him that he has to stick to his diet and considering the fact that she’s bringing FUCKING BANANAS WITH HER; ME THINKS THAT HE IS STICKING TO THE DIET AND SHE CAN GO FUCK HERSELF TOO! Doesn’t matter anyway, Stacey tells him to stay so they can do the tape together; and the two seem to have some fun. But then…
NORMAN SNEAKS POTATO CHIPS!
The poor kid says he’s feeling sad and that’s why he’s eating junk food; and I CAN’T SNARK THAT! THIS IS REALLY SAD AND I REALLY FEEL FOR THE KID! HIS PARENTS/FAMILY/ASSHOLES AT SCHOOL/SITTERS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES AND HE HAS NO COMFORT FROM ANYONE, NO ONE TO VENT TOO, NOTHING! IT’S A HARD ENOUGH HABIT TO BREAK FROM EATING JUNK AS IT IS; BUT WHEN IT’S USED AS COMFORT? IT’S EVEN HARDER!
He and Stacey talk about about the assholes bugging him, and how his parents are COMPLETE FUCKING DICKS TO HIM ALL THE TIME! THE FUCKING PRICKS MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT HIM BEING FAT AND HOW COME ‘A SMART KID LIKE HIM CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT?’ AND ‘THAT HE’S SO FAT, HOW CAN HE BE THEIR SON’ AND FUCK YOU HILLS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE ASSHOLES; NO WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ANN FOR THINKING OF THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE? THERE MUST BE SO MUCH VENOM IN HER VEINS; HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS FUCKING EVIL? THAT POOR KID; I WANT TO HUG HIM AND RAISE HIM MYSELF!
The rest of the chapter is Stacey making a toilet joke and I ain’t snarking that; it’s the first time the kid’s fucking smiled and I ain’t taking that away from him!
Chapter 10:
It’s time for the BIG DATE! Dawn’s been speed reading the teen mags; and she has all the BULLSHIT articles about dating and crap memorized. MA stops her from wearing one of her BATSHIT INSANE outfits and we hear that MA’s wearing a flowered dress and has her hair in a French Braid; which is so NOT WHAT SHE’S WEARING ON THE COVER OF THE FUCKING BOOK ANN! FUCKING HELL! MA gives Dawn a denim skirt and black turtleneck; which Dawn manages to fuck up with WAYYY tooo much fucking makeup, especially eyeliner; rolling up her skirt, putting on ‘textured stockings, black boots’; plus making her hair look like Shirley Temple’s on crack. BECAUSE APPARENTLY BOYS DON’T LIKE GIRLS WITH THEIR HAIR PULLED BACK! FUCK ME, I ALWAYS HAVE MINE TIED BACK; I GUESS MY HUSBAND’S BEEN LYING TO ME THIS WHOLE TIME!
She comes downstairs and MA proceeds to ask just why the fuck she put so much goddamn makeup on; and now there’s no time to fix it. MA tells her that they decided to see the movie first and then eat later and WHY? ESPECIALLY FOR SUCH A LONG MOVIE LIKE GWTW; I WOULD EAT FIRST! AND BULLSHIT THAT THEY HAVE TO BE HOME BY TEN-THIRTY; IF THEY LEFT AT SIX-THIRTY, THAT’S THE LENGTH OF THE FUCKING MOVIE! HOW ARE THEY GONNA MAKE IT HOME IN TIME?
During the car ride; Dawn uses EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF ADVICE SHE READ IN THE ARTICLES AND SOUNDS LIKE A COMPLETE NIMROD! SHE CONSTANTLY USES LEWIS’ NAME, LIES HER ASS OFF ABOUT GOING OUT ALL THE TIME, AND GIVES HIM SHITTY COMPLIMENTS! So now everyone thinks she’s fucking nuts and they get to the theater; where MA springs the surprise of GWTW on everyone; because it’s romantic and scary at parts, and Dawn can get a chance to hold hands and cuddle with Lewis. Whatever, I don’t care. And this is the point in the story where MA becomes a fucking psycho; because she FUCKING PINCHES DAWN WHEN SHE SAYS SOMETHING SHE DON’T LIKE! OWWWW…. THAT MUST’VE HURT LIKE A BITCH! I WOULD FEEL BAD FOR DAWN; BUT SINCE NIMROD TELLS US THAT ‘BOYS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO LIKE SMART GIRLS’; FUCK IT! PINCH HER AGAIN, THIS TIME ON THE UPPER ARM! HOPE THAT BITCH IS BLACK AND BLUE BY THE END OF THIS!
During the movie Dawn continues to act like a fucking asshole by trying to hold Lewis’ hand in the popcorn box and knocking it over; and crying all her makeup off twice and by the time the movie’s over; it’s too late for dinner. The crew heads home with MA still trying to get Lewis and Dawn together and it doesn’t fucking work and now the bitches are mad at each other; MA for not getting a thank you and Dawn for the date being ruined.
Chapters 11-12:
Back at the Cult meeting; MA and Dawn each bitch and moan about how it went and then the chapter switches gears entirely to talk about how they can help Norman. The girls end up calling MA and Dawn; forcing them to talk to each other about ways to help the kid and I really don’t care; this chapter’s just filler at this point.
Cut to MA giving Norman a dance tape of Jessi’s to dance too and Sarah putting up awful fucking pictures of Norman as a pig; and of course, LITTLE BITCH DOESN’T GET PUNISHED FOR THIS SHIT! INSTEAD SHE TELLS NORMAN TO STAND UP TO HER AND THE KID FINALLY DOES BY TEARING DOWN THE PICTURES AND TELLING HER THAT HE’LL KEEP DOING IT IF SHE KEEPS DRAWING FUCKING PICTURES!
ABOUT TIME!
The rest of the chapter is Norman agreeing to talk to his parents and Sarah and him bonding over the dance video. THEN MA COMPARES NORMAN TO DAWN, SAYING THAT SHE DIDN’T PRAISE DAWN ENOUGH AND TRIED TO CHANGE HER! FUCKING REALLY WITH THIS SHIT?! DAWN’S THE ONE WHO WANTED TO CHANGE, MA DID NOTHING BUT HELP HER! YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS SHIT’S ALMOST OVER; I DON’T FUCKING CARE!
Chapters 13-15:
*Gonna make the rest of this quick, hope no one minds!*
Dawn finally decides to talk to Lewis and while she still acts like a dumbass; she ends the chapter by becoming herself again and having him try health food that he ends up liking. MA and her makeup and they do another fucking double date; this time bowling and a health food restaurant with BBQ tofu and red bean ice cream; which forgive me; SOUNDS NASTY! MA apologizes for something she didn’t even do and again compares Dawn to Norman and I almost throw the fucking computer out the window; but this is almost done!
Dawn and Lewis end up kissing and they vow to write again. Then we cut to Dawn sitting for Norman again; and we hear that the couple writes back and forth to each other. Sarah comes home, saying that she finally knocked that little bitch Elizabeth right on her fucking ass and I cheer a bit. Norman ended up talking to his parents and all the diet stuff is down from the fridge and he and Sarah are closer. He asks Dawn to take a pic for his girlfriend; saying that he’s going to pretend he has the dieebtus so he can lose weight; and FUCKING REALLY? COULDN’T JUST HAVE THE KID BE HAPPY WITH HIS WEIGHT; NO THE PARENTS ARE STILL ASSHOLES! AT LEAST THEY STOPPED BUYING JUNK FOOD!
This piece of shit book ends with Dawn finding out that Lewis likes how she is; which really makes me question the boy’s sanity. Whatever:
Thanks for reading and commenting! I’ll see you soon! Sorry the last few chapters were short; but this book was freaking HORRIBLE!
-New snarks up here: http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/ and here: http://bleedingthorn-2.livejournal.com/ Feel free to comment!
-Time for another vote for next book snark! Voting’s open until Tuesday! I hope to have the first part up before Thanksgiving; but if not, Happy Thanksgiving to all!
· #3 The Truth about Stacey
· #24 Kristy and the Mother’s Day Surprise
· #43 Stacey’s Emergency
· #71 Claudia and the Perfect Boy
· Mystery #6 The Mystery at Claudia’s House
· SS#12 Here Come the Bridesmaids!
Concerning the Channel Surfing in Hell site; I have enough movie notes/pics for a couple of months at least; but I was wondering something. Would anyone be interested in a WWE Studios block? I have Oculus, Road to Paloma, and I am trying to get my hands on the 12 Rounds Trilogy with Randy Orton, Jon Cena and Dean Ambrose. I just want to know if this would be something you guys would be into; I can also try to find other WWE Studio films, they made a ton! Let me know; again not something that’s gonna be done for a while, just curious to see if there’s interest in it at all! Thanks again guys! See you soon!