Part 3: Karen's Treasure
Y’know, since I’m already feeling miserable as all get-out, I thought, “Why not finish my LS snark?” Because that’s the logical thing to do when you’re depressed and sitting about the house in your PJs and should be looking for productive employment. I question my life choices sometimes, honestly. Clearly my logic is already in question, so I’m
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oh my god, that was AWESOME!!!
"But natch, Karen’s coins turn out to be worth hundreds of bucks. If you didn’t see that coming, congratulations, you haven’t permanently warped your brain trying to peer into the madly swirling aurora borealis that is the BSC-verse. Fuck you, Carr."
LOL. yeah, fuck everyone involved with these damned books, seriously.
"Karen makes everyone guess what Henry will look like. Of course, she has to go first:
I thought a moment about Henry and how old he must be. “I think he is very feeble now,” I said. “He has to use a cane. I bet the cane is carved from wood and has a silver elephant on top.” I thought that was a very good guess.
In fairness, that’s a detailed and pretty imaginative and concise portrait of Henry.
Seth and Lisa take the piss: “Well,” said Seth, “I think Henry has a beard. And I think he wears a pirate’s patch over one eye.”
I frowned. Seth was not taking my game very seriously.
“Mommy’s turn,” I said
“I think he has a big tattoo on one arm,” said Mommy. “And I think he has a parrot sitting on one shoulder.”
“Mommy,” I said. “Please guess for real. This is not a joke.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “I guess that Henry wears wire-rimmed glasses. And I really do think he has a tattoo.”
Finally it was Andrew’s turn. “I think Henry has a pet salamander,” he said. “And the salamander’s name is Andrew.”
D’awww, I love Andrew. He’s adorable, okay? And that’s the most realistic exchange I’ve read in a BSC book in quite a while, so non-snarky congratulations to Carr for hanging around actual writers and not brain-dead gumbies stuck in the fifties like Ann."
awww, i love that whole damned scene. so cute. &you calling an a brain dead gumbie stuck in the fifties made me laugh my ass off. you rock. LOL.
"Then he comes over for dinner and actually goes with the Brewers to Nancy’s ballet recital. Okay, then. That’s totally something you do with people you’ve only just met. Does this warrant a pedobear tag?"
ew, probably...i wish there was a pukey face i could add here.
"Heh. Karen calls out “Yea, Nancy!” and when Nancy blushes and ducks her head, Karen thinks it’s from modesty rather than the probable real reason: mortification at having such an annoying best friend."
TOTALLY!!!!!! XD
please snark another karen book!! this was awesome!!
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...oh my God, now I have to do it, don't I. Well, it's still better than a mystery book. I admire anyone who has the guts to do those, haha.
I'm not sure if you've read the Doctor/BSC crossover (I think it's by lippian and a couple of other snarkers. But I now want to write fic of Karen assassinating the Doctor because it's just the sort of thing older!Karen would do, isn't it. :) Or a Karen hitwoman!AU.
I swear, the stupidity in these books makes me rage hard sometimes.
Okay, Karen snark incoming. Hopefully it won't take me two more years.
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...oh my God, now I have to do it, don't I. Well, it's still better than a mystery book. I admire anyone who has the guts to do those, haha."
--yes, yes you do! LOL. you really killed this, i can't wait to read another! i'm actually thinking of snarking a mystery, are they that awful to do??
"I'm not sure if you've read the Doctor/BSC crossover (I think it's by lippian and a couple of other snarkers. But I now want to write fic of Karen assassinating the Doctor because it's just the sort of thing older!Karen would do, isn't it. :) Or a Karen hitwoman!AU."
--i LOVE the doctor/BSC crossover!! you should totally write a doctor/karen fic, and you're right, that is TOTALLY something that evil brat would do!
"I swear, the stupidity in these books makes me rage hard sometimes."
--sometimes it's fun to hate-read them, but other times, it really does just become too much. :P
"Okay, Karen snark incoming. Hopefully it won't take me two more years."
--YAY!!!! you can do it!! :D
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The mysteries are more inane and wildly implausible than anything. They always involve a string of mysterious incidents, like sabotage or theft, that turn out to be benign or a prank half the time. Admittedly I haven't read a mystery in a long time, but I think the caller in Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls ends up being [SPOILER] Alan Gray.
I dunno, I feel like they're just empty gestures and don't work well as real mysteries in a series that, let's face it, is meant to be about ordinary life and babysitting, not random minor crimes tacked on as afterthoughts. And the later ones are just fucking half-baked, honestly.
Basically, they're like the more implausible, Idiot Ball books of the main series (think Kristy and the Vampires, Mallory Pike #1 Fan, etc.) but with a liberal dose of 'zany' idiocy thrown in. I think that's the main reason I hate them, but really, Mallory and the Ghost Cat, Mallory and the Mystery Diary and The Mystery at Claudia's House are among the better ones.
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--you have literally just made my day!! now i have something to be excited about! :D i can't wait, i'm super excited. karen snarks are so beyond awesome!! :D yay!!!! :DDDDD
"The mysteries are more inane and wildly implausible than anything. They always involve a string of mysterious incidents, like sabotage or theft, that turn out to be benign or a prank half the time. Admittedly I haven't read a mystery in a long time, but I think the caller in Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls ends up being [SPOILER] Alan Gray."
--lol, IKR?? i love the mysteries just because they are so damned impossible it's hilarious. i've been reading a lot of them lately just to de-stress. i think one of the most unbelievable things about the series as a whole is that a police sergeant would not only entertain their stupid antics, but involve them in cases and ask them for help! it's such a load of crap. that's why i want to snark them, because i find them so impossible and stupid that they make me laugh.
"I dunno, I feel like they're just empty gestures and don't work well as real mysteries in a series that, let's face it, is meant to be about ordinary life and babysitting, not random minor crimes tacked on as afterthoughts. And the later ones are just fucking half-baked, honestly."
--lol, i agree, but i think that's a big part of the reason i enjoy them, they're completely pointless and out of place and make no sense. i know ann was big on making claudia into nancy drew, so i'm guessing she was too, and i believe ann herself was into agatha christie mysteries when she was a teenager --i believe that was mentioned in her biography?--so she wanted to write mysteries herself but failed SO HARD. and you're right, by the end they were totally half baked. i wish more had been written by lerangis, tbh. ellen miles seemed to write the majority of them for quite awhile, but i have no clue why. she sucked at them too.
"Basically, they're like the more implausible, Idiot Ball books of the main series (think Kristy and the Vampires, Mallory Pike #1 Fan, etc.) but with a liberal dose of 'zany' idiocy thrown in. I think that's the main reason I hate them, but really, Mallory and the Ghost Cat, Mallory and the Mystery Diary and The Mystery at Claudia's House are among the better ones."
--i agree about mallory and the ghost cat, mallory and the mystery diary and the mystery at claudia's house. i used to hate a lot of the mysteries when i was growing up reading the series because they were so damned stupid, but as an adult, they just make me laugh harder than a lot of the regular series books, just because they make no sense at all. it's like everyone involved just started taking hallucinogens or something every time they were put on mystery book duty.
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