FF #4: Claudia and the Friendship Feud Part 2 (Chapters 6-10)
Chapters 1-5
So I started this thing back in February… Turns out, I fail at updating my snarks. But I’m going to do better, I pinky promise. Okay, maybe not pinky promise because that’s unbreakable and well, we all know that I’ll probably end up busy at some point and fail at updating again.
Anyway, here’s the next part of the friendship feud. I’m just hoping we actually get the friendship feud and not another five rehashings of the same story about Stacey, Jeremy, and Claudia.
Chapter Six
Claudia starts the chapter seeing a black cat and thinking that she’s cursed. That’s the only reason Jeremy doesn’t like her and she and Stacey are no longer friends. A curse. Guess she broke a chain letter or something? But hey, even if she’s cursed, she’s still fashionable. Literally says it right there on the page after Kristy compliments her hat.
Seriously, who is this Kristy? This is not the Kristy I grew up with.
Anyway, she moves away from the lockers, and because this is basically the novelization of a crappy movie (except not), she bumps into Jeremy who then compliments her on the floppy brown hat on her head. She runs into Jeremy again at the drinking fountain on her way back from second period.
Hey Claud? Don’t think running into your crush (and talking to him) twice in a day counts as a curse. Some thirteen year olds might find it to be a blessing. And I’m sorry, did I say twice? She sees him again on the way to third period (science). At lunch, she takes a shortcut and who do you think she sees? That’s right snarkers! Jeremy. She quips about him stalking her and he looks uncomfortable when saying he was going to ask the same thing.
Turns out he’s uncomfortable because his Stacey senses are tingling. Claud makes a joke about someone trying to tell them something, and Stacey appears. Apparently the universe was trying to tell them that the she-beast doth approach. She can smell desperation a mile away, Claudia. It's what she wears as perfume. Stacey and Jeremy leave Claudia alone in her shortcut hallway as they head to lunch. She ends up pretty much following them and going into the lunch line alone.
Somewhere in California, Dawn rejoices. Claudia chooses the salad bar (uh when did SMS get a SALAD BAR?) over the hot lunch and muses about how hard it was to find a seat. Turns out, the cult doesn’t all sit together anymore.
Seriously, who is this Kristy? Does she not realize her peons are not all sitting together? Did the recipe for the Kool-Aid burn in Mary Anne’s house fire?
She watches Stacey and Jeremy from a distance and thinks that Jeremy doesn’t look that interested in whatever Stacey is saying. Then she gets a little butt hurt when Rachel Griffin (remember her? She’s their old pre-Cokie nemesis who was created just for this book) sits down with Stacey. She heads to the BSC table (which apparently still exists but is no longer compulsory) and notices that Kristy, MA, and Abby don’t notice her. So not only is it no longer required for membership, but defectors are allowed to sit there?
WHO IS THIS KRISTY?
Anyway, instead of sitting with the cult, Erica waves her over and she sits with her instead. Also Claudia seems to recover from her brush with health food by ignoring the salad and eating a giant chocolate chip cookie. This combined with Erica’s presence makes her think that the world is okay again. They make small talk, and when Claudia sees Stacey, she decides to groom Erica into a replacement Stacey by inviting her shopping and kind of pressuring her into it even though Erica says she’s not much of a shopper. They make plans anyway and as the bell rings, Claudia declares her curse lifted.
Oh seriously, does this chapter never end?
We get another Jeremy sighting, this time walking behind Stacey. They say hello. The chapter miraculously ends.
Chapter Seven
Janine is once again the voice of BSC Snark the next morning when she sees Claudia and comments that she looks like she did her hair in the dark. Apparently, she’s wearing little pony tails all over her head and a giant angora sweater from the fifties. This is what she’s wearing to the mall. She also wonders what Erica is going to wear. She muses about how she didn’t used to love shopping until Stacey converted her.
Shopping stuff that I'm going to skim unless something relevant happens.
Oh I guess the first store is relevant. Claudia drags her to one of Stacey’s favorite stores and tries to accessorize her even though Erica says she doesn’t bother with that stuff. I feel ya Erica. I hate when people keep trying to accessorize me in things that aren’t my style. Finally, Erica suggests going elsewhere. Claudia suggests Macy’s but Erica says that department stores make her nauseous. They decide on Artist’s Exchange instead.
At Artist’s Exchange, Erica actually has some good ideas for the Thanksgiving Day decor at Casa de Kishi, including origami turkeys since Claudia is Japanese. Claudia realizes that Erica is incredibly creative. After finishing there, they go eat and make a few Simpsons jokes. It's so weird to see references to something not 1950s. What are these books?
Mentions of sitting for the Pikes bring up Stacey and the fact that she and Claud used to sit together a lot. This brings us back to the main plot with the stupid love triangle. Erica suggests that maybe Jeremy is into her since he talks to her.
Or maybe they’re friends? I don’t know. Guess that’s my life experience as a twenty-seven year old with quite a few male friends point of view. I know, its unwelcome in Stoneybrook. Luckily Claudia even points this out. Erica comments that she’s sure Claudia and Stacey will make up one day and then Claudia goes on about how close she used to be with Stacey.
Claudia asks Erica if she has secrets and we learn that Erica was adopted. This leads to a recap of Claudia’s Great Search or whatever the book was where she thought she was adopted. I didn’t know previous canon actually existed. Weird.
We get stuff about Erica’s adoption which isn’t that snarkable.
Anyway, they finish eating and walk around some more. Seeing puppies makes Claudia mention that Stacey likes pigs. We get cheese puns at a cheese booth and then they get into a photobooth and take pictures to commemorate the fact that they are now BFFs.
Chapter Eight
She wakes up to the sun shining and Erica calling her to find out when they are going shopping again. Uh, now I’m getting rampant lesbianism feels from them. I’m okay with this. It means I get to use the tag.
After they hang up, Claudia begins Thanksgiving decorations. Rioko exclaims over the centerpiece saying that it's one of the most creative things ever. Claudia ruins five pieces of foil trying to origami turkeys. She decides to put those over until later so she can go to Peaches and help Peaches get ready for Molly’s visit. You remember Molly from my snark in February right? She’s the other person in the parallel friendship that Claudia’s going to eventually use to compare her friendship with Stacey to. Or at least that’s what I assume is going to happen. I haven’t read this book in awhile.
Anyway, she gets there and Peaches is freaking out because the house isn’t perfect, Russ had a meeting, and Lynn has a stomach bug. Welcome to parenting Peaches. Give up the idea of a perfectly clean house. You’ll be less stressed when Lynn learns to walk. Peaches is a nervous wreck and breaks a vase and then confides that she’s nervous that Molly will be bored in Stoneybrook.
Because Molly is used to famous people. See, she’s like Stacey who is from NEW YORK CITY!
Claudia thinks that Peaches is being crazy about the bathroom needing to be cleaned. After all, Stacey wouldn’t judge her for her pigsty of a bathroom. Claudia doesn’t really help much. In fact, she ends up playing with Lynn instead of helping. Which would be helpful except that when the scene started, Lynn was happily in her door frame bouncer. The power goes out because of the vacuum cleaner. Peaches resets the circuit and they talk about friendship some more. Peaches admits to being jealous and insecure about Molly and this leads Claudia to a self-centered bit about how nothing is what she thought it was.
In the end, Claudia actually shows some wisdom and points out that she shouldn’t feel jealous of Wendy. Sure, Wendy’s successful but she’s alone for Thanksgiving and maybe she’s jealous of Peaches’ life too. It’s actually kind of touching when Claud mentions that she’s giving Molly a home and a family for the holidays. Especially since to me, family and friends are pretty much synonymous.
This conversation makes her think again about Stacey. Only instead of thinking about mending things with Stacey, she decides to move past it. She has BFF 2.0 (now with less slutty tendencies) now. When the phone rings, she thinks it’s 2.0’s programming automatically knowing that she was thinking about her. Instead, its Jeremy.
Chapter break! Oh the suspense is killing me. Oh wait, nope, that’s just heartburn.
Chapter Nine
Chapter nine picks up right where eight left off. Apparently, there was a commercial break or something, Anyway, Claudia’s heart is racing and she’s wondering why Jeremy is calling her and it's actually kind of boring. And incredibly awkward. Jeremy called to say hi and thinks that the world was giving them a sign by them running into one another. They talk about art for a few minutes, but Jeremy seems bored. So they talk about Thanksgiving. There’s a sweet mention of Mimi and Jeremy remembering her name. So far, this conversation has lasted twelve minutes and they’ve said basically nothing.
Ahh to be young and in like.
Stacey gets brought up and Claudia thinks that time has stopped. Jeremy asks about the movie that started this whole book in the first place and Claudia half admits to stalking Jeremy and Stacey. Then somehow the subject changes to science and I have whiplash. LOL Jeremy actually thinks Claudia seems smart. Claudia is flattered, but kind of thinking he’s an idiot for it because she knows she’s an idiot.
Stacey comes up in the conversation again and we learn that Stacey talks about the fight too which makes Claudia upset about “the break up” (her words, not mine). Jeremy basically implies that he wants to be Claudia’s friend, but can’t unless she and Stacey work through their shit. After all, Stacey is his girlfriend and he has to be loyal to her. We also learn that Jeremy is okay with Stacey grabbing him at school and my mind totally went to the gutter.
They talk more and realize they’ve been on the phone for an hour. Claudia says she has her own line and doesn’t delve into the history of the BSC. Apparently, the Kool-Aid is no longer served at meetings. I guess I was right. The recipe did burn in Mary Anne’s house.
They get off the phone and Claudia binges on junk food to calm her racing heart.
That was it. That was the whole chapter. A phone call followed by Claudia eating junk food. That was a waste of trees!
Chapter Ten
Claudia wakes up with an Oreo hangover. Now I want Oreos. I think after I post this, I’m rewarding myself with Oreos and milk. She has it timed to the minute how long it's been since she’s spoken to Jeremy and feels a little guilty about it. God I do not miss being thirteen.
Anyway, at school, Jeremy is waiting by her locker and things are awkward. They talk and the entire time, Stacey watches from a distance. What do they talk about? No idea. Claudia is too busy obsessing over Stacey watching them to pay attention. Then Stacey comes over the moment Jeremy leaves and I think my wish is finally granted and we’re going to get some petty middle school drama. Hallelujah!
Stacey drags Claudia into the bathroom and reminds her that Jeremy is Stacey’s boyfriend. She’s okay if they’re friends, but keep in mind who his #1 is, got it? And then she ends it with no hard feelings. Claudia likens this to Stacey attacking her at school and actually has to cling to the sink once Stacey leaves. Because of all of this, Claudia is late to English class.
She and Erica discuss this while sitting for the Pikes, who are actually behaving thanks to Jordan having a crush. Only they aren’t sitting the way BSC members usually do. They’re downstairs while the Pike brood are upstairs playing video games.
Regular Series Kristy is going to flog you. Friends Forever Kristy? I don’t know. I’m afraid.
Anyway, Claudia and Erica are talking about Stacey when the Pike girls come in to say that while they love Claudia and Erica, they really miss Stacey. They overheard the conversation between Claudia and Erica (little eavesdropping rodents!) and are now having what is kind of like an intervention. I guess I’m not getting my feud this chapter after all.
Erica handles this beautifully by saying that she’s not anyone’s replacement. She’s just a temp. The girls are okay with this but want to know when Stacey will be back. Claudia holds her tongue and doesn't actually reply with the twelth of never - though she really wants to.
But this conversation makes Claudia miss Stacey now more than ever before.
Okay so I’m going to call this quits for the night. I’ll be back soon with Chapters 11-15. I promise this time it will not be seven months between postings! I promise on my Diet Coke and Cigarettes. Who knows? Maybe next section won't be quite so boring. Maybe we'll actually get the feud. I really just want the feud.
Okay, Oreos time!