BSC #47: MALLORY ON STRIKE OR IT’S ONLY FOR TWO DAYS AND THEN IT’S BACK TO THE MADNESS! THE END!
BSC #47: MALLORY ON STRIKE OR IT’S ONLY FOR TWO DAYS AND THEN IT’S BACK TO THE MADNESS! THE END!
Hello my peeps, I hope everyone’s doing well today! It actually warmed up and that makes me happy! Once again, I have to give a big THANK YOU to everyone who reads and comments on all my snarks it really means too much to me; you guys have no idea!
Now without any further ado;
Chapter 7:
Mal babysits for the Barrett kids, calling them the Impossible Three and FUCKING HELL; I’M SO SICK OF THIS SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK THEY DID THEY DO THAT WAS SO ‘IMPOSSIBLE’? MRS. BARRETT WAS THE IMPOSSIBLE ONE AND MOST OF THAT WASN’T EVEN HER FAULT! Whatever, Buddy knocks over a bag of flour all over the kitchen floor and then a bucket of water over that; so basically Mal’s about ready to kill him. Then Pow comes in and all Hell breaks loose and Mal yells.
After settling down the kids; Buddy asks if he can go ride his bike and Mal tells him to take Pow with him. Then after the mess is cleaned up; Buddy comes screaming through the house because his foot got cut in the spokes of his bike and FUCKING OW! THAT MUST’VE HURT LIKE A BITCH! Mrs. B comes home in the middle of the chaos and turns out; THE KID WENT TO RIDE HIS BIKE WITHOUT WEARING HIS FUCKING SHOES! WHAT THE FUCK; HE’S EIGHT! HE SHOULD REALLY KNOW BETTER! WHATEVER, I DON’T CARE! HE’S FINE AND MRS. B TELLS MAL IT’S NOT HER FAULT AT ALL; EVEN THOUGH MAL EMOES THAT IT IS! THAT’S THE WHOLE DAMN CHAPTER; SO HERE’S SOMETHING BETTER:
Chapter 8:
Jessi writes that she babysat for the Pike wee ones; Claire and Margo and they performed a made-up ballet. However, the ballet ended up being really fucking mean and made fun of poor Mal! So what did Jessi do about her best friend being made fun of? FUCKING NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! ALL THIS BITCH SAYS IS THAT SHE WANTED TO TALK TO MAL ABOUT IT; BUT WAS TOO FUCKING CHICKENSHIT AND DID NOTHING! AND SHE ACTUALLY WRITES AN APOLOGY IN THE NOTEBOOK; INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY CALLING MAL AND SAYING SHE’S FUCKING SORRY! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, MY SWEET ASS!
So, Jessi ends up sitting for the wee ones; because Mal’s getting her braces tightened and FUCKING OW! THAT MUST HURT LIKE A BITCH! and Dee’s taking the rest of the kids for clothes and shoes. So, I guess Claire and Margo are really screwed here; I guess it’s back to hand me downs. Jessi hands over her Kid-Kit and there’s a bunch of new shit in there; a Skipper doll, picture books of Horses (OF FUCKING COURSE!) ; hand puppets and also: her flowered crown from that ballet she danced in as the lead.
As the girls play; they start bitching about Mal being a complete twat these days and that she’s always yelling and mean.
MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE SHE HAS TO FUCKING DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU KIDS AND YOUR PARENTS ARE FUCKING USELESS? I’D BE BITCHY ALL THE DAMN TIME TOO! Jessi tries to tell them that Mal’s probably pissed about her teeth hurting all the damn time and FUCK YOU TOO! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BEST FRIEND ARE YOU IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY SHE’S PISSED ALL THE DAMN TIME?!
Anyway, the girls find the crown and decide to put on a ballet called… MEAN OLD MALLORY! FUCKING WHAT THE WHAT NOW? AND JESSI’S ACTUALLY LAUGHING HER ASS OFF AT THEM MAKING FUN OF MALLORY, HER SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND! FUCKING HELL!
AND THIS SHIT GOES ON ALL FUCKING DAY AND JESSI DOES NOTHING TO STOP IT; NO THAT BITCH JUST FUCKING LAUGHS HER DANCER ASS OFF! POOR MAL; SHE NEEDS THESE TWATS AS BEST FRIENDS LIKE WE NEED THE KARDASHIANS DOMINATING THE FUCKING NEWS ALL THE DAMN TIME!
Mal gets home with her family later, and the girls CAN’T WAIT to rush up and tell her all about the goddamn ballet and how her twat friend laughed her ass off the whole day! This leads Mal to tell everyone to shut the fuck up and run upstairs; WITH NO ONE RUNNING AFTER HER TO SEE IF SHE’S OK; OR FOR JESSI TO APOLOGIZE OR ANYTHING! NO, SHE ASKS DEE TO HAVE MAL CALL HER AND I REALLY WISH THAT OVER TWENTY YEARS LATER; JESSI WAS STILL SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITING!
SHE’LL CALL ANY DAY NOW!
Chapter 9:
It’s time for another BSC meeting and Mal demands to be demoted.
You just know something inside K-Ron’s head snapped when Mal said that; and now the bitch’s trying to figure out how to make a stronger batch of fucking Kool-Aid. Mal thinks that she’s more qualified to be an associate member and why the fuck is this considered a bad thing? I’d love to be an associate member; I wouldn’t have to pay dues, write in the fucking notebook and deal with these bitches on a fucking daily basis! SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!
The girls ask why the Hell she wants to take a step down and she retells the Buddy story; and I’m really fucking surprised that K-Ron didn’t flip the fuck out and tell she was a rotten sitter whilst flogging Mal; but she must still be reeling from Mal wanting the demotion. Mal goes on to say that she feels that she’s letting everyone down for daring to want time to herself TO WRITE A GODDAMN STORY AND MAL? IF YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LETTING YOUR FRIENDS DOWN BY DARING TO PURSUE OTHER INTERESTS; GET THE FUCK OUT NOW, BECAUSE THIS IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!
Mal goes on to say that she wants to be demoted; because FUCK KNOWS WHEN SHE’LL BE ABLE TO TAKE ANOTHER JOB AND IF SHE DOESN’T GET DEMOTED… SHE’LL QUIT!!!
This leads everyone to react like Mal told them all they can go suck it; like MA cries, Claudia drops her food, Jessi’s scared shitless and K-Ron’s head’s about to fucking explode! Mal even says that it must have been a shock because no one’s quit ‘Voluntarily’. Yea, that’s probably because K-Ron knocks them the fuck out with a goddamn tire iron first and then buries their asses in the fucking desert! HOW WILL THE BSC DEAL WITH THIS?
Oh, K-Ron has a BRILLIANT IDEA! SHE… gives Mal two weeks off.
Really? It took THE WHOLE FUCKING MEETING TO COME UP WITH THAT?
Chapter 10:
K-Ron’s forced to baby-sit her siblings because one of Elizabeth’s friends had a heart attack and she’s pissed about it. I don’t know why, isn’t she the one who loves to watch kids more than breathing air? I’m actually fucking shocked she didn’t invite Mary Anne over to hang out and organize a show or something. Whatever; I don’t care. Also, K-Ron doesn’t let David Michael play with his friend because her mom might not know and then gets pissy about his friend not being allowed to play over there because his parents don’t know her. Or some such shit. The kids act like pains in the asses and K-Ron compares it to Mallory’s life as a fucking servant and FUCKING REALLY?
MAL IS USED AS FUCKING SLAVE LABOR EVERY GODDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING DAY AND JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT STUCK ONE FUCKING TIME WATCHING KIDS WHEN YOU DIDN’T WANT TOO; DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE YOURSELF TO HER!
Chapter 11:
Mal gets up at EIGHT AM ON ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING SATURDAY! And thinks that she’s gonna have the WHOLE DAY TO WRITE!
She’s excited because, she did all her homework and is about to design a cover for her short story. She is all happy about thinking of making a collage using her family’s pics and once again, STOP USING YOUR FAMILY FOR YOUR STORIES AND USE YOUR GODDAMN IMAGINATION! YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOU MADE UP THE STORY OF THE TWO MICE IN THE CITY?! So, she gets up all ready to go; when all of a sudden; SHE REALIZES THAT HER FUCKING FAMILY’S GONNA BE COMPLETE ASSHOLES AGAIN AND SHE’S NOT GONNA GET A GODDAMN THING DONE!
MAL’S FINALLY HAD ENOUGH AND…
So, Mal takes some poster board and makes a sign that says; ‘Mallory on Strike’ and declares that SHE AIN’T TAKING CARE OF ANY FUCKING KIDS, OR DOING SHIT BESIDES WRITING HER GODDAMN STORY AND IF ANYONE DOESN’T LIKE IT…
NOW WITH POSTER BOARD ON AND THE ‘DON’T FUCK WITH ME’ SNEER ON HER FACE; SHE’S READY TO FACE THE ASSHOLES SHE CALLS FAMILY! However, it’s not until she fucking TELLS everyone that they finally get a fucking clue that she’s not doing shit today. Dee and John’s about to fucking shit themselves at the thought of taking care of their own fucking offspring and Mal’s all:
*MIC DROP; PEACE I’M OUT!
Dee and John are ok with it and WAIT A MINUTE! NOW THEY’RE FUCKING OKAY WITH IT; WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE FUCKING BOOK WHEN THEY CALLED ON HER FOR EVERY LITTLE FUCKING FART IN THAT HOUSE? NOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY FUCKING TELLING ME THAT ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS PUT ON A GODDAMN SIGN AND DECLARE A STRIKE DAY?
YEA….
Chapter 12:
Dawn and Mary Anne get called over to watch the Pike kids, so Mal can keep working.
SO DEE AND JOHN ARE ACTUALLY RESPECTING THEIR DAUGHTER’S WISHES FOR PEACE AND QUIET AFTER ALL THIS TIME? LET ME GUESS, THEY BOUGHT SOME OF SHARON’S STASH AND ARE HIGH AS FUCK; IT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION!
So, Pa and Ma need to head over to the library for a meeting and yea… BULLSHIT! WHO HERE WANTS TO BET THAT THEY GOT SICK OF ACTING LIKE PARENTS FOR A FEW HOURS AND MADE SOMETHING UP TO BE ABLE TO NEGLECT THE KIDS AGAIN? Anyway, they have pizza; which EVERY FUCKING KID SOMEHOW CAN’T PEEL OFF THE CRAP THEY DON’T WANT AND DAWN HAS TO DO IF FOR THEM!
THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! I GET MARGO AND CLAIRE NEEDING HELP TO CUT THEIR PIZZA; BECAUSE THEY’RE LITTLE, BUT THE OLDER KIDS REALLY CAN’T TAKE OFF THE STUFF THEY DON’T WANT? OH, NEVER MIND! THESE ARE THE SAME LITTLE BASTARDS THAT DON’T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN UP FUCKING MILK!
Mary Anne heads upstairs to see Mal and they end up talking about how Mal needs to open her mouth and let her parents know that they treat her like shit. She ends up doing just that and now they’re all; ‘We’re so sorry and we promise never to do it again’.
Then they tell her that she needs a day off; just for her. DON’T FUCKING BUY IT MALLORY! IT’S ONLY FOR A DAY AND THEN YOU’LL BE RIGHT BA…. FUCK ME, SHE’S HAPPY WITH ONE DAY OUT OF A LIFETIME! FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 13:
So where does Mal choose to go for her special day? WHY THE FUCKING MALL, OF COURSE!
She and Jessi are going with Dee and John; and WITHOUT all the other zoo animals. And of course, WE GET OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS! Mal has ‘a jean skirt, jacket, bright red tights, sneakers and mulit-colored earrings.’ So, I guess she’s going shirtless then? EWWWW! Jessi has on, ‘a purple jumpsuit and a gold turtleneck’; which somehow makes her look more like a dancer than ever’.
They get to the mall and the adults let the kids wander around; telling them to meet them at Casa Grande (Mal’s Choice) for lunch. Mal ends up spending most of her day thinking and missing her siblings and FUCKING WHY? THIS IS YOUR DAY OFF; WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT THOSE ASSHOLES? Whatever, still don’t care. The girls buy some earrings, a sweater and a vest; when Mal decides to head to Zingy’s. She wants to try on some boots; but makes Jessi try them on instead and WHA…? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Then they head to the restaurant and Pa makes a comment about them ‘buying out the store’ and IT’S LIKE THREE BAGS! CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Mal emos about missing the sibs and I roll my eyes! After lunch, shopping, ice-cream and a movie; Mal has a GREAT IDEA! THAT SHE’LL TELL US LATER! Fucking Hel!
When she gets home; she tells all the zoo animal children that she missed them and that she’s planning a surprise for them: SOON!
Chapter 14-15:
I’m combining the last two chapters because NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS!
Mal wins Best Overall Fiction and meets an author that wishes her luck as an author. Then Mal tells the kids that they’re gonna have their own special day with her and Jessi and since EVERY FUCKING DAY IS ALL ABOUT THOSE ASSHOLES; THIS PLOT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! Anyway, she tells them to pack a bag with a newspaper, something to make music with and a paper bag; plus wear jeans, a jacket and comfortable shoes. THAT’S THE WHOLE CHAPTER 14! IT TOOK ME ONE PARAGRAPH THAT IT TOOK THE WRITERS TEN FUCKING PAGES TO SAY!
WHATEVER, IT’S ALMOST OVER!
The special day comes by and each kid gets to pick a different name and one of them chooses Mal. They go to the Barrett’s for a fake circus and make puppets to do a puppet show. They also make musical instruments to play as they use the puppets. Then it’s on to the park for a treasure hunt in the sandbox and I hope all of them get sick digging through the nasty ass sand! OR EATING THE COOKIES, OR PLAYING WITH THE TOYS MAL AND JESSI BURIED IN CHEAP BOXES UNDER THE SAND! NASTY BITCHES; EVEN IF THE BOXES WERE STILL THERE; THAT SHIT IS FUCKING NASTY! YOU COULD’VE JUST GAVE THEM THE TREATS, YOU KNOW!
Then there’s burgers and fries and ice-cream and everyone watches the sun set from Mal’s porch. And Mal thinks she’ll use this day as inspiration in writing about a special event for writing class.
That’s all folks! Hope everyone enjoyed it and thank you for the comments and for reading! Next week is Mary Anne Saves the Day! See you soon!
I’m hoping to write some snarks for the Book Club in Hell in the next few days and there’s also the next Poison Ivy snark coming next week to Channel Surfing in Hell; so there should be plenty to read in the next few days or so! Keep checking and I’ll see you soon!
Hello my peeps, I hope everyone’s doing well today! It actually warmed up and that makes me happy! Once again, I have to give a big THANK YOU to everyone who reads and comments on all my snarks it really means too much to me; you guys have no idea!
Now without any further ado;
Chapter 7:
Mal babysits for the Barrett kids, calling them the Impossible Three and FUCKING HELL; I’M SO SICK OF THIS SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK THEY DID THEY DO THAT WAS SO ‘IMPOSSIBLE’? MRS. BARRETT WAS THE IMPOSSIBLE ONE AND MOST OF THAT WASN’T EVEN HER FAULT! Whatever, Buddy knocks over a bag of flour all over the kitchen floor and then a bucket of water over that; so basically Mal’s about ready to kill him. Then Pow comes in and all Hell breaks loose and Mal yells.
After settling down the kids; Buddy asks if he can go ride his bike and Mal tells him to take Pow with him. Then after the mess is cleaned up; Buddy comes screaming through the house because his foot got cut in the spokes of his bike and FUCKING OW! THAT MUST’VE HURT LIKE A BITCH! Mrs. B comes home in the middle of the chaos and turns out; THE KID WENT TO RIDE HIS BIKE WITHOUT WEARING HIS FUCKING SHOES! WHAT THE FUCK; HE’S EIGHT! HE SHOULD REALLY KNOW BETTER! WHATEVER, I DON’T CARE! HE’S FINE AND MRS. B TELLS MAL IT’S NOT HER FAULT AT ALL; EVEN THOUGH MAL EMOES THAT IT IS! THAT’S THE WHOLE DAMN CHAPTER; SO HERE’S SOMETHING BETTER:
Click to viewChapter 8:
Jessi writes that she babysat for the Pike wee ones; Claire and Margo and they performed a made-up ballet. However, the ballet ended up being really fucking mean and made fun of poor Mal! So what did Jessi do about her best friend being made fun of? FUCKING NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! ALL THIS BITCH SAYS IS THAT SHE WANTED TO TALK TO MAL ABOUT IT; BUT WAS TOO FUCKING CHICKENSHIT AND DID NOTHING! AND SHE ACTUALLY WRITES AN APOLOGY IN THE NOTEBOOK; INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY CALLING MAL AND SAYING SHE’S FUCKING SORRY! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, MY SWEET ASS!
So, Jessi ends up sitting for the wee ones; because Mal’s getting her braces tightened and FUCKING OW! THAT MUST HURT LIKE A BITCH! and Dee’s taking the rest of the kids for clothes and shoes. So, I guess Claire and Margo are really screwed here; I guess it’s back to hand me downs. Jessi hands over her Kid-Kit and there’s a bunch of new shit in there; a Skipper doll, picture books of Horses (OF FUCKING COURSE!) ; hand puppets and also: her flowered crown from that ballet she danced in as the lead.
As the girls play; they start bitching about Mal being a complete twat these days and that she’s always yelling and mean.
MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE SHE HAS TO FUCKING DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU KIDS AND YOUR PARENTS ARE FUCKING USELESS? I’D BE BITCHY ALL THE DAMN TIME TOO! Jessi tries to tell them that Mal’s probably pissed about her teeth hurting all the damn time and FUCK YOU TOO! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BEST FRIEND ARE YOU IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY SHE’S PISSED ALL THE DAMN TIME?!
Anyway, the girls find the crown and decide to put on a ballet called… MEAN OLD MALLORY! FUCKING WHAT THE WHAT NOW? AND JESSI’S ACTUALLY LAUGHING HER ASS OFF AT THEM MAKING FUN OF MALLORY, HER SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND! FUCKING HELL!
AND THIS SHIT GOES ON ALL FUCKING DAY AND JESSI DOES NOTHING TO STOP IT; NO THAT BITCH JUST FUCKING LAUGHS HER DANCER ASS OFF! POOR MAL; SHE NEEDS THESE TWATS AS BEST FRIENDS LIKE WE NEED THE KARDASHIANS DOMINATING THE FUCKING NEWS ALL THE DAMN TIME!
Mal gets home with her family later, and the girls CAN’T WAIT to rush up and tell her all about the goddamn ballet and how her twat friend laughed her ass off the whole day! This leads Mal to tell everyone to shut the fuck up and run upstairs; WITH NO ONE RUNNING AFTER HER TO SEE IF SHE’S OK; OR FOR JESSI TO APOLOGIZE OR ANYTHING! NO, SHE ASKS DEE TO HAVE MAL CALL HER AND I REALLY WISH THAT OVER TWENTY YEARS LATER; JESSI WAS STILL SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITING!
SHE’LL CALL ANY DAY NOW!
Chapter 9:
It’s time for another BSC meeting and Mal demands to be demoted.
You just know something inside K-Ron’s head snapped when Mal said that; and now the bitch’s trying to figure out how to make a stronger batch of fucking Kool-Aid. Mal thinks that she’s more qualified to be an associate member and why the fuck is this considered a bad thing? I’d love to be an associate member; I wouldn’t have to pay dues, write in the fucking notebook and deal with these bitches on a fucking daily basis! SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!
The girls ask why the Hell she wants to take a step down and she retells the Buddy story; and I’m really fucking surprised that K-Ron didn’t flip the fuck out and tell she was a rotten sitter whilst flogging Mal; but she must still be reeling from Mal wanting the demotion. Mal goes on to say that she feels that she’s letting everyone down for daring to want time to herself TO WRITE A GODDAMN STORY AND MAL? IF YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LETTING YOUR FRIENDS DOWN BY DARING TO PURSUE OTHER INTERESTS; GET THE FUCK OUT NOW, BECAUSE THIS IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!
Mal goes on to say that she wants to be demoted; because FUCK KNOWS WHEN SHE’LL BE ABLE TO TAKE ANOTHER JOB AND IF SHE DOESN’T GET DEMOTED… SHE’LL QUIT!!!
This leads everyone to react like Mal told them all they can go suck it; like MA cries, Claudia drops her food, Jessi’s scared shitless and K-Ron’s head’s about to fucking explode! Mal even says that it must have been a shock because no one’s quit ‘Voluntarily’. Yea, that’s probably because K-Ron knocks them the fuck out with a goddamn tire iron first and then buries their asses in the fucking desert! HOW WILL THE BSC DEAL WITH THIS?
Oh, K-Ron has a BRILLIANT IDEA! SHE… gives Mal two weeks off.
Really? It took THE WHOLE FUCKING MEETING TO COME UP WITH THAT?
Chapter 10:
K-Ron’s forced to baby-sit her siblings because one of Elizabeth’s friends had a heart attack and she’s pissed about it. I don’t know why, isn’t she the one who loves to watch kids more than breathing air? I’m actually fucking shocked she didn’t invite Mary Anne over to hang out and organize a show or something. Whatever; I don’t care. Also, K-Ron doesn’t let David Michael play with his friend because her mom might not know and then gets pissy about his friend not being allowed to play over there because his parents don’t know her. Or some such shit. The kids act like pains in the asses and K-Ron compares it to Mallory’s life as a fucking servant and FUCKING REALLY?
MAL IS USED AS FUCKING SLAVE LABOR EVERY GODDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING DAY AND JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT STUCK ONE FUCKING TIME WATCHING KIDS WHEN YOU DIDN’T WANT TOO; DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE YOURSELF TO HER!
Chapter 11:
Mal gets up at EIGHT AM ON ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING SATURDAY! And thinks that she’s gonna have the WHOLE DAY TO WRITE!
She’s excited because, she did all her homework and is about to design a cover for her short story. She is all happy about thinking of making a collage using her family’s pics and once again, STOP USING YOUR FAMILY FOR YOUR STORIES AND USE YOUR GODDAMN IMAGINATION! YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOU MADE UP THE STORY OF THE TWO MICE IN THE CITY?! So, she gets up all ready to go; when all of a sudden; SHE REALIZES THAT HER FUCKING FAMILY’S GONNA BE COMPLETE ASSHOLES AGAIN AND SHE’S NOT GONNA GET A GODDAMN THING DONE!
MAL’S FINALLY HAD ENOUGH AND…
So, Mal takes some poster board and makes a sign that says; ‘Mallory on Strike’ and declares that SHE AIN’T TAKING CARE OF ANY FUCKING KIDS, OR DOING SHIT BESIDES WRITING HER GODDAMN STORY AND IF ANYONE DOESN’T LIKE IT…
NOW WITH POSTER BOARD ON AND THE ‘DON’T FUCK WITH ME’ SNEER ON HER FACE; SHE’S READY TO FACE THE ASSHOLES SHE CALLS FAMILY! However, it’s not until she fucking TELLS everyone that they finally get a fucking clue that she’s not doing shit today. Dee and John’s about to fucking shit themselves at the thought of taking care of their own fucking offspring and Mal’s all:
*MIC DROP; PEACE I’M OUT!
Dee and John are ok with it and WAIT A MINUTE! NOW THEY’RE FUCKING OKAY WITH IT; WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE FUCKING BOOK WHEN THEY CALLED ON HER FOR EVERY LITTLE FUCKING FART IN THAT HOUSE? NOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY FUCKING TELLING ME THAT ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS PUT ON A GODDAMN SIGN AND DECLARE A STRIKE DAY?
YEA….
Chapter 12:
Dawn and Mary Anne get called over to watch the Pike kids, so Mal can keep working.
SO DEE AND JOHN ARE ACTUALLY RESPECTING THEIR DAUGHTER’S WISHES FOR PEACE AND QUIET AFTER ALL THIS TIME? LET ME GUESS, THEY BOUGHT SOME OF SHARON’S STASH AND ARE HIGH AS FUCK; IT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION!
So, Pa and Ma need to head over to the library for a meeting and yea… BULLSHIT! WHO HERE WANTS TO BET THAT THEY GOT SICK OF ACTING LIKE PARENTS FOR A FEW HOURS AND MADE SOMETHING UP TO BE ABLE TO NEGLECT THE KIDS AGAIN? Anyway, they have pizza; which EVERY FUCKING KID SOMEHOW CAN’T PEEL OFF THE CRAP THEY DON’T WANT AND DAWN HAS TO DO IF FOR THEM!
THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! I GET MARGO AND CLAIRE NEEDING HELP TO CUT THEIR PIZZA; BECAUSE THEY’RE LITTLE, BUT THE OLDER KIDS REALLY CAN’T TAKE OFF THE STUFF THEY DON’T WANT? OH, NEVER MIND! THESE ARE THE SAME LITTLE BASTARDS THAT DON’T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN UP FUCKING MILK!
Mary Anne heads upstairs to see Mal and they end up talking about how Mal needs to open her mouth and let her parents know that they treat her like shit. She ends up doing just that and now they’re all; ‘We’re so sorry and we promise never to do it again’.
Then they tell her that she needs a day off; just for her. DON’T FUCKING BUY IT MALLORY! IT’S ONLY FOR A DAY AND THEN YOU’LL BE RIGHT BA…. FUCK ME, SHE’S HAPPY WITH ONE DAY OUT OF A LIFETIME! FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 13:
So where does Mal choose to go for her special day? WHY THE FUCKING MALL, OF COURSE!
She and Jessi are going with Dee and John; and WITHOUT all the other zoo animals. And of course, WE GET OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS! Mal has ‘a jean skirt, jacket, bright red tights, sneakers and mulit-colored earrings.’ So, I guess she’s going shirtless then? EWWWW! Jessi has on, ‘a purple jumpsuit and a gold turtleneck’; which somehow makes her look more like a dancer than ever’.
They get to the mall and the adults let the kids wander around; telling them to meet them at Casa Grande (Mal’s Choice) for lunch. Mal ends up spending most of her day thinking and missing her siblings and FUCKING WHY? THIS IS YOUR DAY OFF; WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT THOSE ASSHOLES? Whatever, still don’t care. The girls buy some earrings, a sweater and a vest; when Mal decides to head to Zingy’s. She wants to try on some boots; but makes Jessi try them on instead and WHA…? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Then they head to the restaurant and Pa makes a comment about them ‘buying out the store’ and IT’S LIKE THREE BAGS! CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Mal emos about missing the sibs and I roll my eyes! After lunch, shopping, ice-cream and a movie; Mal has a GREAT IDEA! THAT SHE’LL TELL US LATER! Fucking Hel!
When she gets home; she tells all the zoo animal children that she missed them and that she’s planning a surprise for them: SOON!
Chapter 14-15:
I’m combining the last two chapters because NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS!
Mal wins Best Overall Fiction and meets an author that wishes her luck as an author. Then Mal tells the kids that they’re gonna have their own special day with her and Jessi and since EVERY FUCKING DAY IS ALL ABOUT THOSE ASSHOLES; THIS PLOT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! Anyway, she tells them to pack a bag with a newspaper, something to make music with and a paper bag; plus wear jeans, a jacket and comfortable shoes. THAT’S THE WHOLE CHAPTER 14! IT TOOK ME ONE PARAGRAPH THAT IT TOOK THE WRITERS TEN FUCKING PAGES TO SAY!
WHATEVER, IT’S ALMOST OVER!
The special day comes by and each kid gets to pick a different name and one of them chooses Mal. They go to the Barrett’s for a fake circus and make puppets to do a puppet show. They also make musical instruments to play as they use the puppets. Then it’s on to the park for a treasure hunt in the sandbox and I hope all of them get sick digging through the nasty ass sand! OR EATING THE COOKIES, OR PLAYING WITH THE TOYS MAL AND JESSI BURIED IN CHEAP BOXES UNDER THE SAND! NASTY BITCHES; EVEN IF THE BOXES WERE STILL THERE; THAT SHIT IS FUCKING NASTY! YOU COULD’VE JUST GAVE THEM THE TREATS, YOU KNOW!
Then there’s burgers and fries and ice-cream and everyone watches the sun set from Mal’s porch. And Mal thinks she’ll use this day as inspiration in writing about a special event for writing class.
That’s all folks! Hope everyone enjoyed it and thank you for the comments and for reading! Next week is Mary Anne Saves the Day! See you soon!
I’m hoping to write some snarks for the Book Club in Hell in the next few days and there’s also the next Poison Ivy snark coming next week to Channel Surfing in Hell; so there should be plenty to read in the next few days or so! Keep checking and I’ll see you soon!