BSC #42: JESSI AND THE DANCE SCHOOL PHANTOM OR I WISH MALEFICENT WOULD COME AND ATTACK! PART 2!
BSC #42: JESSI AND THE DANCE SCHOOL PHANTOM OR I WISH MALEFICENT WOULD COME AND ATTACK! PART 2!
Hello my peeps! I hope everyone is enjoying the burst of sunshine today; because I sure am! I want to give a giant THANK YOU again for everyone who reads and comments; it really means so much! Thank you everyone for voting, please continue to do so for the next two weeks, I appreciate the input!
Without further ado:
Chapter 4:
Jessi gets to Claudia’s for a meeting and we get CLUB EXPOSITION!! FOR SIX MOTHERFUCKING PAGES! SERIOUSLY? WHO ACTUALLY READS THE BULLSHIT EXPOSITION AT THIS POINT? I CAN RECITE THIS SHIT IN MY SLEEP: MAMA K-RON NEEDED A SITTER; COULDN’T FIND ONE, K-RON DECIDED TO START A CULT WITH NOTHING BUT KOOL-AID AND THREE OTHER GIRLS: WEEPY, DUMBASS, AND SLUTTY. IT GREW WITH OTHERS LIKE: PREACHY, GINGER, AND BLACK MAMBA, PLUS SMARTY AND SOUTHIE! THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO FUCKING KNOW!
FUCK IT, WHATEVER MAKES THE CHAPTER SHORTER!
Jessi tells the girls about her shoes going missing and the mysterious note; but before they can talk much about it; K-Ron has a GREAT IDEA, Y’ALL! HER GREAT IDEA? HAVE A PET SHOW FOR ALL THE PETS OWNED BY THE KID’S THEY SIT FOR!
Um… ok? That’s really what we’re gonna be spending half this book on? THIS MAY BE THE SHORTEST SNARK EVER! I’m sorry but I never thought this B plot was very interesting at all. I’ll snark what I can and leave some awesome vids and things for the rest, hope you guys don’t mind!
Anyway, it’s decided to have the pet show in Preachy and Weepy’s barn; because WHERE THE FUCK ELSE COULD IT BE HELD? I’M FUCKING SURPRISED THEY NEVER MADE A SUPER SPECIAL WHERE THESE BITCHES GET MARRIED IN THE FUCKING BARN!
Anyway, that sucked; so here’s something better:
a review of Party Mania by the Spoony One! Hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 5:
The next time ballet class rolls around, Jessi’s Little Miss Prepared. I’m not even kidding; bitch has a whole spare dance outfit: extra leotard, tights, hair-ties, leg warmers, sweatshirt and the spare toe shoes. BITCH IS PREPARED! On the one hand, that’s smart and on the other? Unless she bought a lock too actually, you know; FUCKING LOCKS HER STUFF UP, THE SAME SHIT IS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN WITH HER STUFF GETTING STOLEN! AND IF HER LOCKER ALREADY HAS A LOCK, WHY DOESN’T SHE JUST KEEP A SPARE SET OF CLOTHES IN IT? IF SHE HAS CLASS LIKE THREE TIMES A WEEK, WHY DOESN’T SHE DO THAT? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
THIS BOOK HAS NONE!
So, now she’s got a spare outfit and she’s all set right? WRONG!!! JESSI JUST HAS TO FUCKING COMPLAIN THAT KATIE B. DARE TELL HER THAT SHE ‘SEES THAT SHE BROUGHT HER TOE SHOES THIS TIME’! I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING, JESSI TAKES OFFENSE TO THIS AND EVEN MAKES FUCKING DIRTY FACES AT KATIE B. BEHIND HER BACK! HEY PRINCESS, DID YOU EVER FUCKING THINK THAT SINCE YOU FUCKING TALK SMACK ABOUT THESE BITCHES ALL THE FUCKING TIME, YOU DESERVE THE SAME SNOTTY TREATMENT?!
AND SERIOUSLY? I’M SORRY, BUT IF SHE CLAIMED SHE LOST HER TOE SHOES AND THEY WERE FOUND IN HER BAG, I’D HAVE TROUBLE BELIEVING HER TOO! ESPECIALLY KNOWING HOW SHE MAKES MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLEHILLS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! FUCKING HELL!
Anyway, Jessi skips to class and the girls practice their warm-ups in silence. All is well and good until Carrie loses her balance and bangs right into Jessi and blames Jessi for it. Of course, JESSI HAS TO SNOT SOME FUCKING MORE! SHE’S ALL ‘IT’S NOT ME, I DIDN’T DO IT’ AND MAYBE YOU WERE IN THE WRONG FUCKING SPOT! MAYBE CARRIE’S A BITCH, I DUNNO! THE POINT IS, PUT THE OTHER BITCHES ON FUCKING IGNORE AND WORK!
So, Jessi helps Carrie up and snots that Carrie doesn’t thank her. PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAD RESTING BITCH FACE, DUMBASS! They work some more and Carrie knocks back into her and OK, NOW CARRIE’S DOING THIS SHIT ON PURPOSE! PART OF ME WANTS TO FEEL BAD FOR JESSI, BUT FUCK IT! CARRIE’S PROBABLY DOING THIS BECAUSE JESSI WAS SO FUCKING NASTY ABOUT CARRIE GETTING THE BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS ROLE! WOULDN’T BLAME CARRIE A BIT! AND THE BEST PART? JESSI DOESN’T TELL MME. NOELLE WHAT’S GOING ON AND SNOTS ABOUT HOW BAD IT’S MAKING HER LOOK INSTEAD! I GOT AN IDEA PRINCESS, AFTER CLASS EITHER TELL MME. NOELLE OR ASK CARRIE WHAT HER PROBLEM IS! OR STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!
Jessi ends up doing just that, and the rest of class goes okay. In the locker room, Jessi finds out THAT HER WHOLE SPARE OUTFIT’S GONE!
AND THERE’S ANOTHER CREEPY NOTE!
IT SAYS ‘BEWARE. WATCH YOUR STEP’; AND IT MAKES JESSI NEARLY SHIT HER PANTS, SHE’S SO FUCKING SCARED! SO DOES SHE TELL MME. NOELLE OR HER FATHER WHEN HE PICKS HER UP?
WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T SHE TELL HER PARENTS IF SHE’S THAT AFRAID? IS SHE SCARED THAT THEY’LL MAKE HER DROP OUT OF THE BALLET? THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, AND I’M SICK OF THESE BITCHES ACTING LIKE THEY FUCKING KNOW BEST WHEN THEY’RE FUCKING CHILDREN HERE! DAMN, I NEED A BEER AND IT’S WAY TOO EARLY FOR ONE!
Then Jessi comes home and learns Becca likes the pet show idea; but doesn’t want to enter Misty the Hamster because everyone has a better pet or some such shit, I really don’t care. I’m just waiting for my Crush soda to get cold in the fridge at this point.
Chapter 6:
K-Ron babysits her brothers and sister and they all want to enter pets in the show. There’s also some bullshit about the other kids on the block entering and that starts fights between kids. There’s another fight between Hannie wanting/not wanting to share her pets with her pretend husband or something, I don’t care. Instead, I have this for you guys:
Christopher Titus’ bonfire story. Enjoy!
Chapter 7:
At the next ballet class; Lisa and Hilary tell Jessi that she’s fucking up and better up her goddamn game. Turns out, Jessi’s treated herself AGAIN; WITH A COMPLETELY BRAND-NEW OUTFIT! HOW FUCKING CHEAP IS THE CLOTHES IN STONEYBROOK IF SHE CAN AFFORD REPLACING AN ENTIRE BALLET OUTFIT AT MOMENTS FUCKING NOTICE? DOESN’T THE BSC MAKE PEANUTS?
And of course, BITCH FUCKING COMPLAINS ABOUT HAVING TO SPEND HER MONEY ON THIS SHIT! HERE’S AN IDEA GENIUS, FUCKING TELL AN ADULT WHAT’S GOING ON! THIS SHIT COULD’VE BEEN SOLVED LIKE, FIVE FUCKING CHAPTERS AGO! THERE WAS NO FUCKING NEED TO DRAG THIS SHIT OUT THIS LONG! BUT THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE A FUCKING BOOK, WOULD WE?
Anyway, Jessi talks about how she also bought something else; A FUCKING BAG WITH A PADLOCK ON IT!
YOU REALLY MEAN TO FUCKING TELL ME THAT SHE IS JUST NOW LOCKING UP HER SHIT? FUCKING HELL, WHAT A MORON! WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T THEY HAVE LOCKS FOR THEIR LOCKERS ALREADY? ONCE AGAIN, LOGIC!! FUCKING LEARN YOU SOME!
And FOR SOME REASON, the fact that she’s locking up her stuff needs to be this fucking secret and she can’t do it with everyone around. Okay then. So, she locks up her stuff and puts the key on a chain around her neck and I’m sorry, but won’t that affect her dancing to have a chain whip around her neck? Especially if it has a key on it? Whatever.
Anyway, dance class goes well until the girls have to dance one at a time for Mme. Noelle. While Jessi’s waiting; the necklace unfastens and she has to struggle to put it back on and ends up missing Mme.’s instructions. She asks Carrie what they have to do and Carrie tells her to do tour jetes; a running leap. But RUH-ROH! THAT WASN’T THE RIGHT MOVE AND JESSI ENDS UP SLIPPING ON A WET SPOT AND HURTING HER ANKLE! THAT BITCH CARRIE LIED!
NOW WHY WOULD CARRIE DO THAT? I WONDER!
Turns out that Jessi just strained her ankle and Katie B. gets to play Princess for a couple of rehearsals; while Jessi sits out. She calls Daddy to come pick her up and goes downstairs WITHOUT ANYONE FUCKING HELPING HER DOWN to change. There she sees a picture of Mikhail Baryshnikov and calls him Misha as she ask him what to do. THE DUDE IN THE PHOTO ACTUALLY SPEAKS TO HER, PEOPLE!
MISHA ACTUALLY ‘TELLS HER’ IT’S NOT THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN!
Then as she’s packing up her shit; SHE FINDS ANOTHER FUCKING NOTE! THIS ONE SAYS; ‘I TOLD YOU SO. FROM NOW ON, WATCH OUT.’
SO MOTHERFUCKER SOMEHOW; EITHER WAS ABLE TO DOUBLE BACK AFTER EVERYONE LEFT AND LEAVE THE NOTE OR DART PAST JESSI ON HER WAY TO THE LOCKER AND THROW THE NOTE ON HER STUFF? DA HOLY FUCK? HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? OK, THE NOTE SAYS THAT WHOEVER IT IS ‘TOLD HER SO’; AND TOLD HER SO ABOUT WHAT? IF WHOEVER IT WAS, SAW HER HURT HER ANKLE; HOW THE FUCK WERE THEY ABLE TO PUT THE NOTE ON HER BAG WITHOUT HER FUCKING NOTICING?
IS THE NOTE LEAVER INVISIBLE? WAS IT THE JANITOR? WAS IT THE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN THE WALLS? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Yes, I do. And it’ll be stupid as Hell when we get to it.
Chapter 8:
Jessi goes to the doctor and she says that the ankle’s just sprained; she just has to still off of it for a few days. She ends up only missing one rehearsal and has to use crutches.
She ends up sitting out rehearsals and wondering who the fuck is messing with her; THERE’S SO MANY SUSPECTS! WAS IT KATIE B., THE FORMER YOUNGEST BALLERINA IN THE CLASS? WAS IT CARRIE, THE OLD ASS BITCH WHO TOLD HER TO DO THE WRONG MOVES? OR WAS IT HILARY, THE STOP AT NOTHING, I WANT YOUR PART, MAMA WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SLEEP, BALLERINA?
GEE I WONDER!!
After class, Jessi goes downstairs to make sure that she didn’t leave anything in her locker and WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU BITCHES KNOW? THERE’S ANOTHER FUCKING NOTE IN HER LOCKER, AND IT SAYS ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. TOO BAD IT WASN’T.’ GOOD GOD WOMAN, TELL A FUCKING ADULT! THIS IS GETTING FUCKED UP NOW!
At the Cult meeting; the members tell her basically the same thing and dumbass doesn’t think Mme. Noelle won’t believe her. GEE I WONDER WHY, MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY MAKES YOU LOOK EITHER CRAZY OR FUCKING TWO-FACED?! NO, THE BEST THING IS TOO FUCKING QUIT INSTEAD! FUCKING MORON!
The Cult talks her out of it and decide to watch one of Jessi’s rehearsals instead, to figure out who’s responsible. Jessi tells them that they can sneak in the back of the theater the class will be rehearsing in next time. And Charlie can drive, because of course he fucking can. Janine must be on the rag again.
The rest of this chapter is devoted to the damn pet show; Chewy getting dirty after a bath, Myrtle the Turtle getting painted and then getting wet and washing it all off and that’s the whole chapter!
Here’s something better:
Chapter 9:
Mal babysits for the Barrett kids and they fight over who gets to enter Pow. Mal has the bright idea to tell them to pair off and how the fuck not one person in that house figured that shit out first, I have no fucking clue; but whatevs.
They go outside to play and run into Matt and Haley, who have no pets and are sick of hearing about the goddamn, motherfucking pet show. As we all are, really. Suzi ends up PINCHING Haley and if I was her; I would have knocked her over, but whatever.
Mal gets home to the same fucking fight she walked away from at the Barrett’s; the kids arguing about who gets to enter Frodo. Then, the younger kids decide to share Frodo too, and the trips decide they don’t care anyway, and give up their claim.
That’s all for today, kids! Thank you all for reading and commenting! And also for voting; keep it up until Aug. 25 and let me know if you prefer a Golden Girls snark or a Sex and the City one? Tomorrow I’m wrapping this piece of crap up and then they’ll be a vote for the next BSC book snark as well. See you soon!
Hello my peeps! I hope everyone is enjoying the burst of sunshine today; because I sure am! I want to give a giant THANK YOU again for everyone who reads and comments; it really means so much! Thank you everyone for voting, please continue to do so for the next two weeks, I appreciate the input!
Without further ado:
Chapter 4:
Jessi gets to Claudia’s for a meeting and we get CLUB EXPOSITION!! FOR SIX MOTHERFUCKING PAGES! SERIOUSLY? WHO ACTUALLY READS THE BULLSHIT EXPOSITION AT THIS POINT? I CAN RECITE THIS SHIT IN MY SLEEP: MAMA K-RON NEEDED A SITTER; COULDN’T FIND ONE, K-RON DECIDED TO START A CULT WITH NOTHING BUT KOOL-AID AND THREE OTHER GIRLS: WEEPY, DUMBASS, AND SLUTTY. IT GREW WITH OTHERS LIKE: PREACHY, GINGER, AND BLACK MAMBA, PLUS SMARTY AND SOUTHIE! THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO FUCKING KNOW!
FUCK IT, WHATEVER MAKES THE CHAPTER SHORTER!
Jessi tells the girls about her shoes going missing and the mysterious note; but before they can talk much about it; K-Ron has a GREAT IDEA, Y’ALL! HER GREAT IDEA? HAVE A PET SHOW FOR ALL THE PETS OWNED BY THE KID’S THEY SIT FOR!
Um… ok? That’s really what we’re gonna be spending half this book on? THIS MAY BE THE SHORTEST SNARK EVER! I’m sorry but I never thought this B plot was very interesting at all. I’ll snark what I can and leave some awesome vids and things for the rest, hope you guys don’t mind!
Anyway, it’s decided to have the pet show in Preachy and Weepy’s barn; because WHERE THE FUCK ELSE COULD IT BE HELD? I’M FUCKING SURPRISED THEY NEVER MADE A SUPER SPECIAL WHERE THESE BITCHES GET MARRIED IN THE FUCKING BARN!
Anyway, that sucked; so here’s something better:
a review of Party Mania by the Spoony One! Hope you enjoy it!
Click to viewChapter 5:
The next time ballet class rolls around, Jessi’s Little Miss Prepared. I’m not even kidding; bitch has a whole spare dance outfit: extra leotard, tights, hair-ties, leg warmers, sweatshirt and the spare toe shoes. BITCH IS PREPARED! On the one hand, that’s smart and on the other? Unless she bought a lock too actually, you know; FUCKING LOCKS HER STUFF UP, THE SAME SHIT IS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN WITH HER STUFF GETTING STOLEN! AND IF HER LOCKER ALREADY HAS A LOCK, WHY DOESN’T SHE JUST KEEP A SPARE SET OF CLOTHES IN IT? IF SHE HAS CLASS LIKE THREE TIMES A WEEK, WHY DOESN’T SHE DO THAT? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
THIS BOOK HAS NONE!
So, now she’s got a spare outfit and she’s all set right? WRONG!!! JESSI JUST HAS TO FUCKING COMPLAIN THAT KATIE B. DARE TELL HER THAT SHE ‘SEES THAT SHE BROUGHT HER TOE SHOES THIS TIME’! I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING, JESSI TAKES OFFENSE TO THIS AND EVEN MAKES FUCKING DIRTY FACES AT KATIE B. BEHIND HER BACK! HEY PRINCESS, DID YOU EVER FUCKING THINK THAT SINCE YOU FUCKING TALK SMACK ABOUT THESE BITCHES ALL THE FUCKING TIME, YOU DESERVE THE SAME SNOTTY TREATMENT?!
AND SERIOUSLY? I’M SORRY, BUT IF SHE CLAIMED SHE LOST HER TOE SHOES AND THEY WERE FOUND IN HER BAG, I’D HAVE TROUBLE BELIEVING HER TOO! ESPECIALLY KNOWING HOW SHE MAKES MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLEHILLS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! FUCKING HELL!
Anyway, Jessi skips to class and the girls practice their warm-ups in silence. All is well and good until Carrie loses her balance and bangs right into Jessi and blames Jessi for it. Of course, JESSI HAS TO SNOT SOME FUCKING MORE! SHE’S ALL ‘IT’S NOT ME, I DIDN’T DO IT’ AND MAYBE YOU WERE IN THE WRONG FUCKING SPOT! MAYBE CARRIE’S A BITCH, I DUNNO! THE POINT IS, PUT THE OTHER BITCHES ON FUCKING IGNORE AND WORK!
So, Jessi helps Carrie up and snots that Carrie doesn’t thank her. PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAD RESTING BITCH FACE, DUMBASS! They work some more and Carrie knocks back into her and OK, NOW CARRIE’S DOING THIS SHIT ON PURPOSE! PART OF ME WANTS TO FEEL BAD FOR JESSI, BUT FUCK IT! CARRIE’S PROBABLY DOING THIS BECAUSE JESSI WAS SO FUCKING NASTY ABOUT CARRIE GETTING THE BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS ROLE! WOULDN’T BLAME CARRIE A BIT! AND THE BEST PART? JESSI DOESN’T TELL MME. NOELLE WHAT’S GOING ON AND SNOTS ABOUT HOW BAD IT’S MAKING HER LOOK INSTEAD! I GOT AN IDEA PRINCESS, AFTER CLASS EITHER TELL MME. NOELLE OR ASK CARRIE WHAT HER PROBLEM IS! OR STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!
Jessi ends up doing just that, and the rest of class goes okay. In the locker room, Jessi finds out THAT HER WHOLE SPARE OUTFIT’S GONE!
AND THERE’S ANOTHER CREEPY NOTE!
IT SAYS ‘BEWARE. WATCH YOUR STEP’; AND IT MAKES JESSI NEARLY SHIT HER PANTS, SHE’S SO FUCKING SCARED! SO DOES SHE TELL MME. NOELLE OR HER FATHER WHEN HE PICKS HER UP?
WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T SHE TELL HER PARENTS IF SHE’S THAT AFRAID? IS SHE SCARED THAT THEY’LL MAKE HER DROP OUT OF THE BALLET? THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, AND I’M SICK OF THESE BITCHES ACTING LIKE THEY FUCKING KNOW BEST WHEN THEY’RE FUCKING CHILDREN HERE! DAMN, I NEED A BEER AND IT’S WAY TOO EARLY FOR ONE!
Then Jessi comes home and learns Becca likes the pet show idea; but doesn’t want to enter Misty the Hamster because everyone has a better pet or some such shit, I really don’t care. I’m just waiting for my Crush soda to get cold in the fridge at this point.
Chapter 6:
K-Ron babysits her brothers and sister and they all want to enter pets in the show. There’s also some bullshit about the other kids on the block entering and that starts fights between kids. There’s another fight between Hannie wanting/not wanting to share her pets with her pretend husband or something, I don’t care. Instead, I have this for you guys:
Christopher Titus’ bonfire story. Enjoy!
Chapter 7:
At the next ballet class; Lisa and Hilary tell Jessi that she’s fucking up and better up her goddamn game. Turns out, Jessi’s treated herself AGAIN; WITH A COMPLETELY BRAND-NEW OUTFIT! HOW FUCKING CHEAP IS THE CLOTHES IN STONEYBROOK IF SHE CAN AFFORD REPLACING AN ENTIRE BALLET OUTFIT AT MOMENTS FUCKING NOTICE? DOESN’T THE BSC MAKE PEANUTS?
And of course, BITCH FUCKING COMPLAINS ABOUT HAVING TO SPEND HER MONEY ON THIS SHIT! HERE’S AN IDEA GENIUS, FUCKING TELL AN ADULT WHAT’S GOING ON! THIS SHIT COULD’VE BEEN SOLVED LIKE, FIVE FUCKING CHAPTERS AGO! THERE WAS NO FUCKING NEED TO DRAG THIS SHIT OUT THIS LONG! BUT THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE A FUCKING BOOK, WOULD WE?
Anyway, Jessi talks about how she also bought something else; A FUCKING BAG WITH A PADLOCK ON IT!
YOU REALLY MEAN TO FUCKING TELL ME THAT SHE IS JUST NOW LOCKING UP HER SHIT? FUCKING HELL, WHAT A MORON! WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T THEY HAVE LOCKS FOR THEIR LOCKERS ALREADY? ONCE AGAIN, LOGIC!! FUCKING LEARN YOU SOME!
And FOR SOME REASON, the fact that she’s locking up her stuff needs to be this fucking secret and she can’t do it with everyone around. Okay then. So, she locks up her stuff and puts the key on a chain around her neck and I’m sorry, but won’t that affect her dancing to have a chain whip around her neck? Especially if it has a key on it? Whatever.
Anyway, dance class goes well until the girls have to dance one at a time for Mme. Noelle. While Jessi’s waiting; the necklace unfastens and she has to struggle to put it back on and ends up missing Mme.’s instructions. She asks Carrie what they have to do and Carrie tells her to do tour jetes; a running leap. But RUH-ROH! THAT WASN’T THE RIGHT MOVE AND JESSI ENDS UP SLIPPING ON A WET SPOT AND HURTING HER ANKLE! THAT BITCH CARRIE LIED!
NOW WHY WOULD CARRIE DO THAT? I WONDER!
Turns out that Jessi just strained her ankle and Katie B. gets to play Princess for a couple of rehearsals; while Jessi sits out. She calls Daddy to come pick her up and goes downstairs WITHOUT ANYONE FUCKING HELPING HER DOWN to change. There she sees a picture of Mikhail Baryshnikov and calls him Misha as she ask him what to do. THE DUDE IN THE PHOTO ACTUALLY SPEAKS TO HER, PEOPLE!
MISHA ACTUALLY ‘TELLS HER’ IT’S NOT THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN!
Then as she’s packing up her shit; SHE FINDS ANOTHER FUCKING NOTE! THIS ONE SAYS; ‘I TOLD YOU SO. FROM NOW ON, WATCH OUT.’
SO MOTHERFUCKER SOMEHOW; EITHER WAS ABLE TO DOUBLE BACK AFTER EVERYONE LEFT AND LEAVE THE NOTE OR DART PAST JESSI ON HER WAY TO THE LOCKER AND THROW THE NOTE ON HER STUFF? DA HOLY FUCK? HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? OK, THE NOTE SAYS THAT WHOEVER IT IS ‘TOLD HER SO’; AND TOLD HER SO ABOUT WHAT? IF WHOEVER IT WAS, SAW HER HURT HER ANKLE; HOW THE FUCK WERE THEY ABLE TO PUT THE NOTE ON HER BAG WITHOUT HER FUCKING NOTICING?
IS THE NOTE LEAVER INVISIBLE? WAS IT THE JANITOR? WAS IT THE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN THE WALLS? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Yes, I do. And it’ll be stupid as Hell when we get to it.
Chapter 8:
Jessi goes to the doctor and she says that the ankle’s just sprained; she just has to still off of it for a few days. She ends up only missing one rehearsal and has to use crutches.
She ends up sitting out rehearsals and wondering who the fuck is messing with her; THERE’S SO MANY SUSPECTS! WAS IT KATIE B., THE FORMER YOUNGEST BALLERINA IN THE CLASS? WAS IT CARRIE, THE OLD ASS BITCH WHO TOLD HER TO DO THE WRONG MOVES? OR WAS IT HILARY, THE STOP AT NOTHING, I WANT YOUR PART, MAMA WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SLEEP, BALLERINA?
GEE I WONDER!!
After class, Jessi goes downstairs to make sure that she didn’t leave anything in her locker and WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU BITCHES KNOW? THERE’S ANOTHER FUCKING NOTE IN HER LOCKER, AND IT SAYS ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. TOO BAD IT WASN’T.’ GOOD GOD WOMAN, TELL A FUCKING ADULT! THIS IS GETTING FUCKED UP NOW!
At the Cult meeting; the members tell her basically the same thing and dumbass doesn’t think Mme. Noelle won’t believe her. GEE I WONDER WHY, MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY MAKES YOU LOOK EITHER CRAZY OR FUCKING TWO-FACED?! NO, THE BEST THING IS TOO FUCKING QUIT INSTEAD! FUCKING MORON!
The Cult talks her out of it and decide to watch one of Jessi’s rehearsals instead, to figure out who’s responsible. Jessi tells them that they can sneak in the back of the theater the class will be rehearsing in next time. And Charlie can drive, because of course he fucking can. Janine must be on the rag again.
The rest of this chapter is devoted to the damn pet show; Chewy getting dirty after a bath, Myrtle the Turtle getting painted and then getting wet and washing it all off and that’s the whole chapter!
Here’s something better:
Chapter 9:
Mal babysits for the Barrett kids and they fight over who gets to enter Pow. Mal has the bright idea to tell them to pair off and how the fuck not one person in that house figured that shit out first, I have no fucking clue; but whatevs.
They go outside to play and run into Matt and Haley, who have no pets and are sick of hearing about the goddamn, motherfucking pet show. As we all are, really. Suzi ends up PINCHING Haley and if I was her; I would have knocked her over, but whatever.
Mal gets home to the same fucking fight she walked away from at the Barrett’s; the kids arguing about who gets to enter Frodo. Then, the younger kids decide to share Frodo too, and the trips decide they don’t care anyway, and give up their claim.
That’s all for today, kids! Thank you all for reading and commenting! And also for voting; keep it up until Aug. 25 and let me know if you prefer a Golden Girls snark or a Sex and the City one? Tomorrow I’m wrapping this piece of crap up and then they’ll be a vote for the next BSC book snark as well. See you soon!