BSC #40: CLAUDIA AND THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MYSTERY OR JANINE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS CLAUDIA’S BACK!! 2!
BSC #40: CLAUDIA AND THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MYSTERY OR JANINE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS CLAUDIA’S BACK!! PART 2!
Hello my peeps! I hope you all are having a great day; and that the weather’s nice wherever you are. Once again a huge THANK YOU to you all for your awesome comments; it really means so much! A special Thank You goes to kahran042 for providing the name of the book that was bugging the Hell out of me; Nobodies and Somebodies! And for their reward; I will snark Jessi and the Dance School Phantom for my next snark! Thank you again; you have no idea how long that was bugging me!
Now without any further interruptions:
Chapter 6:
So, Claudia’s in her bedroom sitting on her bed; PISSED THE FUCK OFF about the whole thing. She has no idea what to do or even how to break the news to her family and seriously, THIS IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING! THE ONE FUCKING TIME THE GIRL TRIES TO DO WELL AND SHE’S SHIT ON! I HONESTLY DUNNO WHAT’S WORSE; THIS OR WHEN SHE WAS A KID AND THE FUCKING TEACHER MADE HER FEEL BAD FOR DRAWING HER SELF PORTRAIT AS A BUTTERFLY!! NO WONDER SHE DOESN’T FUCKING TRY, CAN’T SAY I BLAME HER WITH ASSHOLE TEACHERS LIKE THESE!
As she’s waiting in her room, the phone rings and she hears her mom and Janine talking; although she make out what’s being said. Claudia decides that fuck it; she’s spending the rest of her life in her bedroom; because between all the junk food, books and art projects to do, she’s set for life. Ok, this is really hard to snark; because we’ve all been there at some point, but two things need to be addressed. One, if she survives on nothing but junk food the rest of her life, IT’S GONNA BE AF FUCKING SHORT ONE! Two, WHAT ABOUT THE BATHROOM? HOW WILL YOU GO TO THE POTTY? NEVER MIND, THIS IS STONEYBROOK HERE; NOBODY GOES TO THE FUCKING POTTY UNLESS IT’S TO CONJURE THE FUCKING TOILET MONSTER!! FUCKING HELL!
Ma Kishi calls Claudia down to dinner and Claudia’s all; ‘Hell no, I won’t go’ about leaving. Until she hears that it’s TACO NIGHT!!
That completely changes her mind about staying in the bedroom and she runs downstairs to partake in the food.
And JUST as she’s about to take the first bite; THAT’S WHEN MA KISHI TELLS HER THAT THE PRINCIPAL CALLED ABOUT THE TEST!! FUCKING HELL WOMAN, LET YOUR DAUGHTER ENJOY HER MEAL! YOU KNOW IT MUST’VE BEEN A SHITTY DAY FOR HER; CAN’T YOU AT LEAST LET HER EAT HER GODDAMN TACO? SERIOUSLY, POOR CLAUDIA MUST BE LIKE THIS:
So, Ma asks her what happened and Claudia tells her that she wasn’t the one who cheated and the poor thing’s about two seconds away from giving Mary Anne a run for her money in the crying department. And what the fuck does Ma and Pa do? Pa says, no joke guys; ‘WE’D LIKE TO BELIEVE YOU, CLAUD’! THE FUCKING HELL? REALLY, FUCKING REALLY KISHI’S? I KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A REP FOR FAILING HER CLASSES; BUT THIS IS YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER HERE! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU ASSHOLES GET OFF AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMING THAT SHE CHEATED? I MEAN, YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING ASK HER FIRST? YOU FUCKING FAIL AS A PARENT; PLEASE LEAVE AND TAKE SHARON, THE RAMSEY’S, THE PIKES, HILLS, ARNOLDS AND WATSON WITH YOU!!
Claudia starts to completely fucking lose it and cry; and WHAT THE FUCK KISHI’S? NO WONDER SHE DOESN’T TRY, YOU GUYS NEVER SHOW SUPPORT TO HER! LIKE WHEN SHE GOT AN EIGHTY-FIVE ON A TEST; YOU GUYS GOT UPSET! FUCKING ASSHOLES! Except for Janine that is; Janine automatically takes her sister’s side by saying that Claudia studied hard and that’s not a cheater in any way, and for FUCK’S SAKE CLAUDIA; YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP BITCHING ABOUT YOUR SISTER ALL THE TIME BECAUSE SHE’S AWESOME!
And NOW, FUCKING NOW MA AND PA ARE ALL; ‘I’M SO SORRY, I DON’T HOW I THOUGHT YOU CHEATED’ AND TO BOTH OF YOU ASSHOLES:
IF I WERE CLAUDIA; I’D BE MILKING THIS SHIT FOREVER! I’D BE ALL, ‘CAN I HAVE A NANCY DREW BOOK OR SOME CANDY?’ AND WHEN THE SAID NO; I’D BE LIKE, ‘NO? IT’S BAD ENOUGH YOU THOUGHT SO LITTLE OF ME AND THOUGHT I CHEATED; BUT NOW NO BOOK? IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO TO HELP WITH THAT PAIN!’ OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
Anyway, Ma says that the principal has no clue about who really cheated or anything and GOOD GOD MAN, LET THEM BOTH RE-TAKE THE FUCKING TEST THEN! IF YOU’RE NOT SURE WHO’S LYING; DO-OVER! IT’S THAT FUCKING SIMPLE, DICKWEED! Pa even volunteers to go into the school to talk it over with the principal the next day and instead of letting him; CLAUDIA TELLS HIM THAT SHE’LL TAKE CARE OF IT HERSELF AND NOW WE HAVE TO READ THOUGH THIS WHOLE FUCKING BOOK! FUCKING HELL, THIS SHIT COULD’VE BEEN OVER IN TWO SECONDS!!
GOOD JOB THERE SPARKY!
Turns out that Claudia’s gonna have to receive an F on the test as punishment and of course, DIRTY FUCKING LIAR SHAWNA GETS OFF SCOT FREE!
SO THE PRINCIPAL HAS NO FUCKING CLUE WHO REALLY CHEATED AT ALL, AND INSTEAD OF EITHER PUNISHING BOTH GIRLS OR HAVING THEM BOTH RE-TAKE THE TEST; HE’S ONLY GONNA PUNISH CLAUDIA BY GIVING HER THE F AND NOT PUNISHING SHAWNA AT ALL?! DA HOLY FUCK?! THIS IS SOME STUPID BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS SERIES MAKE SO MUCH DAMN MONEY ANYWAY?
Claudia tells her mom that she’ll work hard for the rest of the year so she passes; because of course she can’t quit the fucking Cult! No, forget the fact that she’s being punished for some shit she didn’t even do; THE BSC IS THE TOP PRIORITY HERE! BECAUSE WHAT WOULD HAPPENED IF THEY DARED TO LOSE THEIR MEETING SPACE OR THEIR PHONE? ME THINKS K-RON WOULD JUST HIRE ASSASSINS TO TAKE OUT ALL THE KISHI’S; BECAUSE SHE’D BE DAMNED IF SHE’S LOSING THAT FUCKING NUMBER OR MEETING SPACE!!
After the poor girl chokes down her dinner; Janine comes up and tells her that everything’s gonna be ok and Janine has to got to be my favorite character in this series; hands down. She’s smart, a bookworm and an awesome person! Plus, she got a hunka hunka burning love without needing to change who she was at all; although she did try but he ended up like liking her for who she was. Anyway, Janine says that she’ll help her study and Claudia tells her that she got the A- and Janine’s very proud of her. Claudia ends up telling her the whole story; after which she asks why Claudia didn’t stand up for herself at all and SHE FUCKING TRIED AND THE ASSHOLE TEACHER WOULDN’T FUCKING LISTEN!!
Claudia tries to remember if Shawna looked at her paper at all during the test and says that she’s such a good student; there’s no reason for her to cheat and FUCKING REALLY? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY HERE? SHE HAD TO CHEAT, YOU DIDN’T AND THERE’S NO ONE ELSE!! GOOD STUDENT OR NOT; SHE STILL FUCKING CHEATED!!
After Janine leaves; Claudia calls Stacey and tells her the whole story. Then she goes to bed; feeling really fucking shitty about the whole thing; especially the fact that her parents aren’t a hundred percent sure she didn’t cheat and THAT’S FUCKING HORRIBLE!! FUCK THEM BOTH; WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!
Chapter 7:
So, now we’re at the club meeting and Claudia’s just spilled her guts to everyone about the test. Everyone’s rightfully PISSED THE FUCK OFF; except for K-Ron because the meeting has to always start on time NO MATTER WHAT! EVEN IF ONE OF US IS HAVING A SHITTY WEEK; OR A RELATIVE DIES OR A CAT IS CAT-NAPPED; NOTHING WILL EVER STOP OUR LORD AND MASTER K-RON FROM STARTING THE MEETINGS ON TIME! HAIL K-RON!
AND OF COURSE CLUB BUSINESS MUST BE HANDLED FIRST AND FOREMOST; BECAUSE WHY NOT? Then finally; Claudia gets to tell her story. Well, in between phone calls she does; K-Ron’s not that nice. When Claudia’s finished; everyone’s upset and then we get this fuckery from Mary Anne; ‘You know, Claud, if you did look at Shawna’s paper, we’d stand right behind you anyway. If you did it, you should confess. You’ll feel better, and we’ll still be here for you.’ WHAT….THE….FUCK……..!!!
WHAT THE FUCK MARY ANNE? YOU SERIOUSLY JUST FUCKING SAID THAT? YOUR FRIEND; THE GIRL YOU’VE KNOWN ALL YOUR FUCKING LIFE, THE ONE YOU LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM FOREVER, YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SHE’S CAPABLE OF THIS? YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT? FUCKING HELL, MARY ANNE’S A CUNT!
Everyone’s FUCKING STUNNED AT THIS; AS WELL THEY FUCKING SHOULD BE! K-Ron even tells that she was fucked up for even thinking that; and WHAT DOES THIS BITCH DO? SHE FUCKING STARTS TO CRY AT EVERYONE GLARING AT ALL! WAY TO FUCKING MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU, PRINCESS!! CLAUDIA EVEN HUGS HER AND TELLS HER THAT IT’S OK!!
WHY THE FUCK IS ANYONE COMFORTING THIS BITCH; SHE CRIES ON FUCKING CUE! FUCK HER TOO! AND OF COURSE, THE FUCKING TEARS STOP RIGHT AFTER CLAUDIA SAYS IT’S OK! FUCKING HELL, MARY ANNE’S A FUCKING SOCIOPATH JUST LIKE HER STEP-SISTER!!
Then Mary Anne’s all; ‘ I believe you Claudia. But if you really did do it; it doesn’t matter’ and FUCKING GOOD LORD WOMAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU’RE JUST DIGGING A DEEPER HOLE FOR YOURSELF THERE!
K-Ron tells her to shut her whore mouth and says that they need to figure how to prove that Claudia didn’t do it. Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you force feed Shawna the fucking Kool-Aid you bitches fucking guzzle on a daily basis; that might work! But no, they won’t do that. The Kool-Aid’s already reserved for when these bitches get out of line or dare to have friends outside the club. They start all that ‘Shawna doesn’t need to cheat’ BULLSHIT again and REALLY? YOU BITCHES DON’T REALIZE THAT SHAWNA MAY HAVE A BAD DAY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND MAY JUST CHEAT?
Claudia tells them that her parents wanted to go talk to the principal but she told them not too; and K-Ron’s all ‘we can handle it ourselves’ and I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so damn hard. The meeting continues with the girls vowing to help Claudia out. Dawn says that Shawna and her minions have been acting like complete fucking jackasses all the time but that she has a GREAT IDEA anyway! I’m actually surprised K-Ron didn’t smack the shit out of her for daring to have a GREAT IDEA; but whatever. Her GREAT IDEA is that since her and Shawna switched lockers; she knows Shawna’s combo and can get into her locker to snoop for evidence to the crime!
BULLET POINT TIME AGAIN, KIDS!
· FIRST, WOULDN’T THE SCHOOL SWITCH THE COMBO LOCKS TOO? I DON’T THINK SHE’D HAVE THE SAME FUCKING COMBO! SCHOOLS ARE USUALLY STRICT ABOUT THAT, YOU KNOW!
· SECOND, IT’S ACTUALLY A FUCKING CRIME! IT’S ILLEGAL TO SEARCH SOMEONE’S PRIVATE PROPERTY!
· THIRD, EVEN IF THEY FOUND SOMETHING, IT’S AN ILLEGAL SEARCH! THEY CAN’T DO ANYTHING WITH IT, BECAUSE THEN THEY’LL BE IN TROUBLE FOR GOING THROUGH SHAWNA’S THINGS!
· FOURTH, I’M TELLING YOU; USE THE FUCKING MIND CONTROL KOOL-AID! OR GET THE SEVEN OF YOU TOGETHER AFTER SCHOOL AND KNOCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER!!
Thankfully, everyone tells Dawn that it’s a shit idea and they vow to come up with a better idea. I’m telling you, RUMBLE!!
Chapter 8:
This is gonna be short, because the triplet storyline is freaking dumb.
So the trips are still grounded; and Ma can’t believe not one broke yet and ratted out the others. Well, isn’t it fucking better that they’re not fucking rats? Anyway, the trips are bored; Jessi teaches them OP talk and they still don’t rat each other out. That’s the whole fucking chapter, people! So here’s something better:
Chapter 9:
Poor Claud’s in school, headed for lunch when she sees Shawna and her friends headed into the girl’s room. So this BRILLIANT BITCH HEADS FOR THE OTHER STALL TO EAVESDROP ON WHAT THEY MAY SAY! SHIT, IF ONLY CAMERA PHONES HAD EXISTED THEN; THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE WOULD HAVE BEEN FACEBOOKED, TWITTERED AND YOUTUBED BEFORE SHAWNA EVEN MADE IT OUT OF THE GODDAMN BATHROOM!
Anyway, Claud actually gets really fucking lucky because the dumb bitches actually start fucking talking about how lucky Shawna was to get away with fucking cheating on the test! REALLY? I KNOW IT’S A KIDS BOOK AND WE SHOULD SUSPEND OUR BELIEFS A BIT; BUT FUCKING REALLY? BITCH JUST HAPPENED TO BE TALKING ABOUT CHEATING AND GETTING CLAUD IN TROUBLE AT THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT CLAUD’S IN THE NEXT STALL? FUCKING HELL!
And the bitches go on and on; talking about how easy it was and how Shawna doesn’t even feel bad; because Claud’s such a dumbass, she doesn’t care about getting an F. FUCKING HELL, WHAT THE FUCK? I’M JUST WAITING FOR CLAUD TO JUMP THE FUCK OUT AND DO ONE OF THESE:
BUT NO! SHE STAYS IN THE STALL TO LISTEN TO THE REST! SHE SHOULD’VE DRAGGED SHAWNA BY HER FUCKING HAIR TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE!
Whatever. So, Shawna keeps fucking talking about how she’s oh so fucking busy; WAYYY too fucking busy to even study.
So what’s all that BULLSHIT that’s keeping her ass busy? A skit for Drama Club, an English paper and planning a Pep Rally.
THAT’S NOT A LOT OF STUFF! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER THE FACT THAT BITCH PROBABLY HAD A WHOLE FUCKING SEMESTER TO DO ALL THAT SHIT; SHE SHOULDN’T BE FUCKING BITCHING THAT SHE WASTED ALL THAT FUCKING TIME! FUCK YOU TOO, SHAWNA!
Fucking Claud even rolls her goddamn eyes at that! Then Shawna says that she heard Claud telling Mary Anne that Janine was helping her study and figure that it was ‘too perfect’. WAIT, SO SHAWNA HEARD THAT JANINE WAS HELPING CLAUD STUDY AND FIGURED THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CHEAT? THE STUPID…..IT HURTS……..
WHAT IF CLAUD CHOKED ON THE TEST? WHAT IF JANINE FUCKED UP TUTORING HER? WHAT IF CLAUD GOT DISTRACTED BY HER SHINY FUCKING SHOES DURING THE TEST? LOGIC BITCH, LEARN YOU SOME! YOU PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE FUCKING BASKET, DUMBASS! AND THERE REALLY WAS FUCKING NOBODY ELSE YOU COULD HAVE CHEATED OFF OF?
So, the convo ends and Claud skips down the hall to the other Cult members to tell them what she’s heard. And now everyone’s PISSED! Even the Weepy bitch; who’s now all ‘THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HORRIBLE AND MEAN! I WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOU AND IT HURTS ME THAT THEY HURT YOU! IT HURTS ME SO MUCH, I JUST MAY CRYYYYYYYYYYY!’
FUCK YOU WEEPY! FUCK YOU!
Claud still can’t go to the principal or an adult because there’s no proof still. Once again; this book could never be remade now, she’d have that shit uploaded to her Twitter feed so fucking fast; Shawna’s head will spin. Dawn brings up the breakin again and REALLY? IT’S A FUCKING CRIME AND….. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T CARE, SHAWNA’S AN ASSHOLE! DO WHAT YOU MUST!
Weepy says that they could get caught but K-Ron puts a stop to that shit; because WHAT IF THEY LOSE THEIR MEETING SPACE? So, Stacey and Dawn agree to go with Claud and the chapter ends with Mary Anne saying; ‘I think it’s wrong. But if you have to do it, please be careful. Imagine what could happen if you got caught!’ Oh, Gee I don’t know. YOU’D FUCKING WEEP AND CRY AND SOMEHOW MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU LIKE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO? FUCKING BITCH!
That’s it for today kids! Tomorrow I’m wrapping this up and moving on next week to Jessi and the Dance School Phantom. I might do some more books or things on my personal page this week, so check back. Thank you for reading, commenting and I’ll see you soon!
Hello my peeps! I hope you all are having a great day; and that the weather’s nice wherever you are. Once again a huge THANK YOU to you all for your awesome comments; it really means so much! A special Thank You goes to kahran042 for providing the name of the book that was bugging the Hell out of me; Nobodies and Somebodies! And for their reward; I will snark Jessi and the Dance School Phantom for my next snark! Thank you again; you have no idea how long that was bugging me!
Now without any further interruptions:
Chapter 6:
So, Claudia’s in her bedroom sitting on her bed; PISSED THE FUCK OFF about the whole thing. She has no idea what to do or even how to break the news to her family and seriously, THIS IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING! THE ONE FUCKING TIME THE GIRL TRIES TO DO WELL AND SHE’S SHIT ON! I HONESTLY DUNNO WHAT’S WORSE; THIS OR WHEN SHE WAS A KID AND THE FUCKING TEACHER MADE HER FEEL BAD FOR DRAWING HER SELF PORTRAIT AS A BUTTERFLY!! NO WONDER SHE DOESN’T FUCKING TRY, CAN’T SAY I BLAME HER WITH ASSHOLE TEACHERS LIKE THESE!
As she’s waiting in her room, the phone rings and she hears her mom and Janine talking; although she make out what’s being said. Claudia decides that fuck it; she’s spending the rest of her life in her bedroom; because between all the junk food, books and art projects to do, she’s set for life. Ok, this is really hard to snark; because we’ve all been there at some point, but two things need to be addressed. One, if she survives on nothing but junk food the rest of her life, IT’S GONNA BE AF FUCKING SHORT ONE! Two, WHAT ABOUT THE BATHROOM? HOW WILL YOU GO TO THE POTTY? NEVER MIND, THIS IS STONEYBROOK HERE; NOBODY GOES TO THE FUCKING POTTY UNLESS IT’S TO CONJURE THE FUCKING TOILET MONSTER!! FUCKING HELL!
Ma Kishi calls Claudia down to dinner and Claudia’s all; ‘Hell no, I won’t go’ about leaving. Until she hears that it’s TACO NIGHT!!
That completely changes her mind about staying in the bedroom and she runs downstairs to partake in the food.
And JUST as she’s about to take the first bite; THAT’S WHEN MA KISHI TELLS HER THAT THE PRINCIPAL CALLED ABOUT THE TEST!! FUCKING HELL WOMAN, LET YOUR DAUGHTER ENJOY HER MEAL! YOU KNOW IT MUST’VE BEEN A SHITTY DAY FOR HER; CAN’T YOU AT LEAST LET HER EAT HER GODDAMN TACO? SERIOUSLY, POOR CLAUDIA MUST BE LIKE THIS:
So, Ma asks her what happened and Claudia tells her that she wasn’t the one who cheated and the poor thing’s about two seconds away from giving Mary Anne a run for her money in the crying department. And what the fuck does Ma and Pa do? Pa says, no joke guys; ‘WE’D LIKE TO BELIEVE YOU, CLAUD’! THE FUCKING HELL? REALLY, FUCKING REALLY KISHI’S? I KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A REP FOR FAILING HER CLASSES; BUT THIS IS YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER HERE! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU ASSHOLES GET OFF AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMING THAT SHE CHEATED? I MEAN, YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING ASK HER FIRST? YOU FUCKING FAIL AS A PARENT; PLEASE LEAVE AND TAKE SHARON, THE RAMSEY’S, THE PIKES, HILLS, ARNOLDS AND WATSON WITH YOU!!
Claudia starts to completely fucking lose it and cry; and WHAT THE FUCK KISHI’S? NO WONDER SHE DOESN’T TRY, YOU GUYS NEVER SHOW SUPPORT TO HER! LIKE WHEN SHE GOT AN EIGHTY-FIVE ON A TEST; YOU GUYS GOT UPSET! FUCKING ASSHOLES! Except for Janine that is; Janine automatically takes her sister’s side by saying that Claudia studied hard and that’s not a cheater in any way, and for FUCK’S SAKE CLAUDIA; YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP BITCHING ABOUT YOUR SISTER ALL THE TIME BECAUSE SHE’S AWESOME!
And NOW, FUCKING NOW MA AND PA ARE ALL; ‘I’M SO SORRY, I DON’T HOW I THOUGHT YOU CHEATED’ AND TO BOTH OF YOU ASSHOLES:
IF I WERE CLAUDIA; I’D BE MILKING THIS SHIT FOREVER! I’D BE ALL, ‘CAN I HAVE A NANCY DREW BOOK OR SOME CANDY?’ AND WHEN THE SAID NO; I’D BE LIKE, ‘NO? IT’S BAD ENOUGH YOU THOUGHT SO LITTLE OF ME AND THOUGHT I CHEATED; BUT NOW NO BOOK? IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO TO HELP WITH THAT PAIN!’ OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
Anyway, Ma says that the principal has no clue about who really cheated or anything and GOOD GOD MAN, LET THEM BOTH RE-TAKE THE FUCKING TEST THEN! IF YOU’RE NOT SURE WHO’S LYING; DO-OVER! IT’S THAT FUCKING SIMPLE, DICKWEED! Pa even volunteers to go into the school to talk it over with the principal the next day and instead of letting him; CLAUDIA TELLS HIM THAT SHE’LL TAKE CARE OF IT HERSELF AND NOW WE HAVE TO READ THOUGH THIS WHOLE FUCKING BOOK! FUCKING HELL, THIS SHIT COULD’VE BEEN OVER IN TWO SECONDS!!
GOOD JOB THERE SPARKY!
Turns out that Claudia’s gonna have to receive an F on the test as punishment and of course, DIRTY FUCKING LIAR SHAWNA GETS OFF SCOT FREE!
SO THE PRINCIPAL HAS NO FUCKING CLUE WHO REALLY CHEATED AT ALL, AND INSTEAD OF EITHER PUNISHING BOTH GIRLS OR HAVING THEM BOTH RE-TAKE THE TEST; HE’S ONLY GONNA PUNISH CLAUDIA BY GIVING HER THE F AND NOT PUNISHING SHAWNA AT ALL?! DA HOLY FUCK?! THIS IS SOME STUPID BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS SERIES MAKE SO MUCH DAMN MONEY ANYWAY?
Claudia tells her mom that she’ll work hard for the rest of the year so she passes; because of course she can’t quit the fucking Cult! No, forget the fact that she’s being punished for some shit she didn’t even do; THE BSC IS THE TOP PRIORITY HERE! BECAUSE WHAT WOULD HAPPENED IF THEY DARED TO LOSE THEIR MEETING SPACE OR THEIR PHONE? ME THINKS K-RON WOULD JUST HIRE ASSASSINS TO TAKE OUT ALL THE KISHI’S; BECAUSE SHE’D BE DAMNED IF SHE’S LOSING THAT FUCKING NUMBER OR MEETING SPACE!!
After the poor girl chokes down her dinner; Janine comes up and tells her that everything’s gonna be ok and Janine has to got to be my favorite character in this series; hands down. She’s smart, a bookworm and an awesome person! Plus, she got a hunka hunka burning love without needing to change who she was at all; although she did try but he ended up like liking her for who she was. Anyway, Janine says that she’ll help her study and Claudia tells her that she got the A- and Janine’s very proud of her. Claudia ends up telling her the whole story; after which she asks why Claudia didn’t stand up for herself at all and SHE FUCKING TRIED AND THE ASSHOLE TEACHER WOULDN’T FUCKING LISTEN!!
Claudia tries to remember if Shawna looked at her paper at all during the test and says that she’s such a good student; there’s no reason for her to cheat and FUCKING REALLY? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY HERE? SHE HAD TO CHEAT, YOU DIDN’T AND THERE’S NO ONE ELSE!! GOOD STUDENT OR NOT; SHE STILL FUCKING CHEATED!!
After Janine leaves; Claudia calls Stacey and tells her the whole story. Then she goes to bed; feeling really fucking shitty about the whole thing; especially the fact that her parents aren’t a hundred percent sure she didn’t cheat and THAT’S FUCKING HORRIBLE!! FUCK THEM BOTH; WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!
Chapter 7:
So, now we’re at the club meeting and Claudia’s just spilled her guts to everyone about the test. Everyone’s rightfully PISSED THE FUCK OFF; except for K-Ron because the meeting has to always start on time NO MATTER WHAT! EVEN IF ONE OF US IS HAVING A SHITTY WEEK; OR A RELATIVE DIES OR A CAT IS CAT-NAPPED; NOTHING WILL EVER STOP OUR LORD AND MASTER K-RON FROM STARTING THE MEETINGS ON TIME! HAIL K-RON!
AND OF COURSE CLUB BUSINESS MUST BE HANDLED FIRST AND FOREMOST; BECAUSE WHY NOT? Then finally; Claudia gets to tell her story. Well, in between phone calls she does; K-Ron’s not that nice. When Claudia’s finished; everyone’s upset and then we get this fuckery from Mary Anne; ‘You know, Claud, if you did look at Shawna’s paper, we’d stand right behind you anyway. If you did it, you should confess. You’ll feel better, and we’ll still be here for you.’ WHAT….THE….FUCK……..!!!
WHAT THE FUCK MARY ANNE? YOU SERIOUSLY JUST FUCKING SAID THAT? YOUR FRIEND; THE GIRL YOU’VE KNOWN ALL YOUR FUCKING LIFE, THE ONE YOU LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM FOREVER, YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SHE’S CAPABLE OF THIS? YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT? FUCKING HELL, MARY ANNE’S A CUNT!
Everyone’s FUCKING STUNNED AT THIS; AS WELL THEY FUCKING SHOULD BE! K-Ron even tells that she was fucked up for even thinking that; and WHAT DOES THIS BITCH DO? SHE FUCKING STARTS TO CRY AT EVERYONE GLARING AT ALL! WAY TO FUCKING MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU, PRINCESS!! CLAUDIA EVEN HUGS HER AND TELLS HER THAT IT’S OK!!
WHY THE FUCK IS ANYONE COMFORTING THIS BITCH; SHE CRIES ON FUCKING CUE! FUCK HER TOO! AND OF COURSE, THE FUCKING TEARS STOP RIGHT AFTER CLAUDIA SAYS IT’S OK! FUCKING HELL, MARY ANNE’S A FUCKING SOCIOPATH JUST LIKE HER STEP-SISTER!!
Then Mary Anne’s all; ‘ I believe you Claudia. But if you really did do it; it doesn’t matter’ and FUCKING GOOD LORD WOMAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU’RE JUST DIGGING A DEEPER HOLE FOR YOURSELF THERE!
K-Ron tells her to shut her whore mouth and says that they need to figure how to prove that Claudia didn’t do it. Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you force feed Shawna the fucking Kool-Aid you bitches fucking guzzle on a daily basis; that might work! But no, they won’t do that. The Kool-Aid’s already reserved for when these bitches get out of line or dare to have friends outside the club. They start all that ‘Shawna doesn’t need to cheat’ BULLSHIT again and REALLY? YOU BITCHES DON’T REALIZE THAT SHAWNA MAY HAVE A BAD DAY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND MAY JUST CHEAT?
Claudia tells them that her parents wanted to go talk to the principal but she told them not too; and K-Ron’s all ‘we can handle it ourselves’ and I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so damn hard. The meeting continues with the girls vowing to help Claudia out. Dawn says that Shawna and her minions have been acting like complete fucking jackasses all the time but that she has a GREAT IDEA anyway! I’m actually surprised K-Ron didn’t smack the shit out of her for daring to have a GREAT IDEA; but whatever. Her GREAT IDEA is that since her and Shawna switched lockers; she knows Shawna’s combo and can get into her locker to snoop for evidence to the crime!
BULLET POINT TIME AGAIN, KIDS!
· FIRST, WOULDN’T THE SCHOOL SWITCH THE COMBO LOCKS TOO? I DON’T THINK SHE’D HAVE THE SAME FUCKING COMBO! SCHOOLS ARE USUALLY STRICT ABOUT THAT, YOU KNOW!
· SECOND, IT’S ACTUALLY A FUCKING CRIME! IT’S ILLEGAL TO SEARCH SOMEONE’S PRIVATE PROPERTY!
· THIRD, EVEN IF THEY FOUND SOMETHING, IT’S AN ILLEGAL SEARCH! THEY CAN’T DO ANYTHING WITH IT, BECAUSE THEN THEY’LL BE IN TROUBLE FOR GOING THROUGH SHAWNA’S THINGS!
· FOURTH, I’M TELLING YOU; USE THE FUCKING MIND CONTROL KOOL-AID! OR GET THE SEVEN OF YOU TOGETHER AFTER SCHOOL AND KNOCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER!!
Thankfully, everyone tells Dawn that it’s a shit idea and they vow to come up with a better idea. I’m telling you, RUMBLE!!
Chapter 8:
This is gonna be short, because the triplet storyline is freaking dumb.
So the trips are still grounded; and Ma can’t believe not one broke yet and ratted out the others. Well, isn’t it fucking better that they’re not fucking rats? Anyway, the trips are bored; Jessi teaches them OP talk and they still don’t rat each other out. That’s the whole fucking chapter, people! So here’s something better:
Click to viewChapter 9:
Poor Claud’s in school, headed for lunch when she sees Shawna and her friends headed into the girl’s room. So this BRILLIANT BITCH HEADS FOR THE OTHER STALL TO EAVESDROP ON WHAT THEY MAY SAY! SHIT, IF ONLY CAMERA PHONES HAD EXISTED THEN; THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE WOULD HAVE BEEN FACEBOOKED, TWITTERED AND YOUTUBED BEFORE SHAWNA EVEN MADE IT OUT OF THE GODDAMN BATHROOM!
Anyway, Claud actually gets really fucking lucky because the dumb bitches actually start fucking talking about how lucky Shawna was to get away with fucking cheating on the test! REALLY? I KNOW IT’S A KIDS BOOK AND WE SHOULD SUSPEND OUR BELIEFS A BIT; BUT FUCKING REALLY? BITCH JUST HAPPENED TO BE TALKING ABOUT CHEATING AND GETTING CLAUD IN TROUBLE AT THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT CLAUD’S IN THE NEXT STALL? FUCKING HELL!
And the bitches go on and on; talking about how easy it was and how Shawna doesn’t even feel bad; because Claud’s such a dumbass, she doesn’t care about getting an F. FUCKING HELL, WHAT THE FUCK? I’M JUST WAITING FOR CLAUD TO JUMP THE FUCK OUT AND DO ONE OF THESE:
BUT NO! SHE STAYS IN THE STALL TO LISTEN TO THE REST! SHE SHOULD’VE DRAGGED SHAWNA BY HER FUCKING HAIR TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE!
Whatever. So, Shawna keeps fucking talking about how she’s oh so fucking busy; WAYYY too fucking busy to even study.
So what’s all that BULLSHIT that’s keeping her ass busy? A skit for Drama Club, an English paper and planning a Pep Rally.
THAT’S NOT A LOT OF STUFF! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER THE FACT THAT BITCH PROBABLY HAD A WHOLE FUCKING SEMESTER TO DO ALL THAT SHIT; SHE SHOULDN’T BE FUCKING BITCHING THAT SHE WASTED ALL THAT FUCKING TIME! FUCK YOU TOO, SHAWNA!
Fucking Claud even rolls her goddamn eyes at that! Then Shawna says that she heard Claud telling Mary Anne that Janine was helping her study and figure that it was ‘too perfect’. WAIT, SO SHAWNA HEARD THAT JANINE WAS HELPING CLAUD STUDY AND FIGURED THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CHEAT? THE STUPID…..IT HURTS……..
WHAT IF CLAUD CHOKED ON THE TEST? WHAT IF JANINE FUCKED UP TUTORING HER? WHAT IF CLAUD GOT DISTRACTED BY HER SHINY FUCKING SHOES DURING THE TEST? LOGIC BITCH, LEARN YOU SOME! YOU PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE FUCKING BASKET, DUMBASS! AND THERE REALLY WAS FUCKING NOBODY ELSE YOU COULD HAVE CHEATED OFF OF?
So, the convo ends and Claud skips down the hall to the other Cult members to tell them what she’s heard. And now everyone’s PISSED! Even the Weepy bitch; who’s now all ‘THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HORRIBLE AND MEAN! I WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOU AND IT HURTS ME THAT THEY HURT YOU! IT HURTS ME SO MUCH, I JUST MAY CRYYYYYYYYYYY!’
FUCK YOU WEEPY! FUCK YOU!
Claud still can’t go to the principal or an adult because there’s no proof still. Once again; this book could never be remade now, she’d have that shit uploaded to her Twitter feed so fucking fast; Shawna’s head will spin. Dawn brings up the breakin again and REALLY? IT’S A FUCKING CRIME AND….. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T CARE, SHAWNA’S AN ASSHOLE! DO WHAT YOU MUST!
Weepy says that they could get caught but K-Ron puts a stop to that shit; because WHAT IF THEY LOSE THEIR MEETING SPACE? So, Stacey and Dawn agree to go with Claud and the chapter ends with Mary Anne saying; ‘I think it’s wrong. But if you have to do it, please be careful. Imagine what could happen if you got caught!’ Oh, Gee I don’t know. YOU’D FUCKING WEEP AND CRY AND SOMEHOW MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU LIKE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO? FUCKING BITCH!
That’s it for today kids! Tomorrow I’m wrapping this up and moving on next week to Jessi and the Dance School Phantom. I might do some more books or things on my personal page this week, so check back. Thank you for reading, commenting and I’ll see you soon!