BSC#68: JESSI AND THE BAD BABY-SITTER PART 3!
OR WENDY’S REALLY NOT IN MOST OF THIS F*(KING BOOK!
Hello everyone, welcome back! I hope that everyone is having a great day and that it’s cool where you are. It got much cooler here today; yesterday was freaking BRUTAL!! Thank God I had already cleaned my house before the heat set in!
I honestly am so happy at all the comments I’ve been getting; Thank you guys SOOO much!!! It really means the world to me and I cherish it so very much!
Now, let’s dive right back into this insanity!
Chapter 7:
I really hate most of these twats handwriting; they either can’t spell for shit like Claudia or write in very hard to read cursive. It’s insane!
Mary Anne writes that ‘Operation Dawn’s Video’ is underway and REALLY?
Can’t you bitches just send her a video of you guys during a club meeting? Must be actually include every single fucking kid she used to sit for and make it a goddamn event? Oh, who the fuck am I kidding; OF COURSE YOU’RE GONNA DO THAT ANYWAY! FUCKING HELL!
So, Mary Anne writes that she sat for the Barrett kids that day and they were fucking PISSED when her ass didn’t show up with a fucking camera all ready to go. EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE EVEN DOING YET! Mary Anne’s very sweet about the whole thing; telling the kids that they need to do a few things first; like pick just what kind of video they even want to make and who to include. She ends the entry saying that even though the video is a great idea; ‘it’s not going to be as simple as it sounds.’
NO SHIT SPARKY!
YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT ‘SUPER SITTERS’ SUCH AS THESE; WHO’VE DONE FUCKTONS OF TALENT SHOWS, BAND CONCERTS, AND OTHER THINGS; HAD NO FUCKING CLUE THAT PUTTING TOGETHER A VIDEO WITH ALL THE KIDS THEY SIT FOR, WAS GONNA BE FUCKING HARD?! I….JUST….WHA….
After that bullshit; we cut too Mary Anne asking the kids what kind of play they want to put on, and Suzi volunteers ‘Snow White and the Seven Zorbs’; because she can’t say the word Dwarves. She starts to name all the Zorbs/Dwarves and forgets Happy. Buddy shoots down the Snow White idea and asks if they can put on a Captain Planet play instead; because even from three thousand miles away, Dawn’s preachy ass still has to be heard. Plus, they all know what will happen if they dare to do a play where Snow White spends most of her time taking care of seven men; they’ve lived through the ‘Peter Pan’ debacle already.
Buddy says that it would be better for everyone’s mental health if they just fucking cater to Dawn and preform Captain Planet; he’s awesome because he saves the world from assholes like Duke Nukem. I honestly thought they meant the guy from the video games; but then realized that the video game Duke nearly had to change his name because it was the same one as a Captain Planet villain!
Mary Anne gets the brilliant idea to combine the two ideas instead; make Captain Planet the prince; where he has to save Snow White in a lab, because she’s been poisoned by the polluting Evil Queen with a radioactive apple and the Zorbs are actually ‘special and secret’ Planeteers! That sounds…. FUCKING AWESOME! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET KIDS USE THEIR IMAGINATIONS, DAWN?! YOU GET AWESOME THINGS LIKE THIS!
The kids think they’ll all set; but Mary Anne tells them that they need to figure out who’s playing what part; costuming, and even writing the script. The kid’s volunteer some names like; Laurel Kuhn to play Doc cause she’s so smart; Suzi wants to be the witch; Marnie for Dopey, and Buddy for Captain Planet himself. They decide to call over Jessi; whose sitting for Matt and Haley Braddock and the kids wonder what part Matt’s gonna play; but they realize that there’s non-speaking parts or that he can sign and his sister can translate; it’s not a big deal.
Jessi comes over in the midst of the three making Zorb hats for the play; and Mary Anne tells her what’s been going on. They’ve decided that Snow White’s gonna be an environmentalist, who the witch hates because she’s a huge fucking polluter. When Snow White tries to help the planet; the witch throws her in a polluted swap, where Swamp Thing saves her and then she meets the Zorb Planeteers. Wow, that’s like three different fandoms represented here; it’s AWESOME!
During the course of the afternoon; they get the play written and the hats made. Jessi suggests going to the party store downtown to get supplies and brings up the idea of the BSC dipping into the treasury to help out since it’s a club project.
Since that wasn’t really a snarkworthy chapter at all, I leave you guys this:
Chapter 8:
Luckily; this next chapter is snark worthy!
Jessi hears that Mal can’t come to the party store for supplies with her and a fuckton of kids and COMPLETELY FUCKING SNAPS AT HER; TELLING HER TO GO TO THE DOCTOR OR GET BETTER!
FUCK YOU JESSI! WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOUR ASS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO YOUR BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT ANYWAY?! YOU KNOW SHE’S SICK AND YOU’RE DEMANDING SHE GETS BETTER? AND YELLING AT HER ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR DOES NOTHING; BECAUSE DEE OR PA PIKE’S ASS IS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TAKE HER ASS YET!! FUCKING HELL, I THOUGHT THAT DAWN OR STACEY WAS BAD; BUT JESSI DESERVES A SMACK UPSIDE HER HEAD WITH A FUCKING SHOVEL!!
Mal says that her father’s still willing to drive them and I dunno; but if my kid told me that her friends were acting like complete fucking twats to her; demanding she get better when she’s not feeling well; THEY CAN FUCKING WALK TO THE GODDAMN STORE BECAUSE I SURE AS SHIT WOULDN’T BE FUCKING DRIVING THEIR ASSES ANYWHERE! But that’s just me.
Vanessa snots that if they were putting on Sleeping Beauty instead; Mal would be a shoo-in for the lead. Fuck you too, princess. I hope that mullet hairstyle gets you picked on! Vanessa keeps snotting about Mal possibly playing Sleepy instead and Jessi DOESN’T FUCKING DEFEND HER ‘BEST FRIEND’ AT ALL; BUT JUST SAYS THAT THE PLAY’S FOR KIDS! FUCKING HELL, JESSI’S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE!
Mal asks Vanessa to go with Mary Anne and Jessi and watch Margo and Nicky; with Jessi snotting that it was Mal’s job and FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
THAT BITCH JESSI EVEN GOES ON TO SAY THAT SHE CAN’T FUCKING TELL IF MAL’S EVEN REALLY SICK; THE ONLY THING THAT’S WRONG WITH HER IS BEING CONSTANTLY TIRED; WHICH SHE THINKS SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE TO JUST LAY AROUND! I…WHA..WHY….
I NEED A FUCKING MINUTE HERE PEOPLE!!
FUCK YOU JESSI; I HOPE YOU PLIE YOUR WAY OFF A FUCKING CLIFF! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET OFF ACTING LIKE YOUR BEST FRIEND IS FAKING IT JUST TO GET OUT OF A STUPID CLUB ACTIVITY? NOT THAT I WOULD BLAME HER A BIT AT THIS POINT; BUT YOU DO KNOW CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME IS A THING RIGHT? SO ARE LOTS OF OTHER DISEASES THAT MAY NOT BE VISIBLE BUT YOU CAN BE TIRED ALL THE TIME!!
THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS SHIT IS THAT JESSI EVEN FUCKING SAYS THAT MAL ISN’T THE TYPE TO LIE AROUND; AND THAT THIS ISN’T LIKE HER AT ALL! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTHERING HER THEN; IF YOU KNOW SHE NEVER ACTS LIKE THIS AT ALL, WOULDN’T YOU THINK THAT SOMETHING WAS FUCKING WRONG? NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD ENTAIL FUCKING LOGIC; WHICH WE ALL KNOW YOU BITCHES FUCKING LACK! AGAIN, FUCK YOU JESSI!
Mary Anne comes up then, and finds out that Mal isn’t coming. She asks if Jessi wants to cancel the trip; because there’s a lot of kids to keep track of and Mal volunteers Vanessa to watch Margo and Nicky. EVEN THOUGH SHE’S ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN NICKY!! AND SHE KNOWS NICKY RATHER DIE THAN LISTEN TO ONE OF HIS SISTERS EVER! LOGIC ANN, FUCKING LOGIC!!
Oh, and the huge amount of kids that they have to watch? Margo, Nicky, Suzi, Vanessa, and Buddy. That’s right; FIVE KIDS SPILT OVER TWO SITTERS! THAT’S A LOT OF KIDS? YOU ASSHOLES REALIZE THAT YOU WATCH THE FUCKING PIKE ZOO ALL THE TIME RIGHT? WHAT ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER WHERE MARY ANNE AND JESSI WATCHED THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUCKING KIDS!!! DO YOU ASSHOLES JUST LOOK FOR SHIT TO BITCH ABOUT? DO YOU HATE MAL THAT BAD; THE LOGICAL THING TO DO IS MAKE HER FEEL SHITTY ALL THE TIME?! IT’S ONLY FIVE FUCKING KIDS; YOU DON’T EVEN NEED MAL TO HELP YOU!! TWO SITTERS IS FUCKING PLENTY!!
Anyway; they head to the party store; which I guess is supposed to be like a Party City; which would be fucking AWESOME if I wasn’t so pissed already! They spilt the kids up and go off into the store. Mary Anne splits thirty dollars from the treasury; leaving fifteen each for the stuff they need. I hope the not Party City back then was cheaper; all I’m saying. Jessi finds crepe paper for Swap Thing; a plastic red apple bank for Snow White; pointy ears for the Zorbs and a plastic palm tree. The kids start buying some stuff with their money as well; Vanessa gets a brown hat for the woodsman; Suzi gets a black witch hat and Margo gets a big red nose for Sneezy. And leaving out the kids’ stuff; are we really supposed to fucking believe that they bought all that shit for fifteen dollars? REALLY?
They stop off in the troll doll section and HELL YEA!! I FUCKING LOVED TROLLS; I HAD A FUCK TON OF THEM BACK IN THE DAY! There, Jessi sees Margo take a small troll ring off the self and put into the pocket of her jeans and dumbass has no fucking clue what to do.
REALLY BITCH?! FUCKING REALLY?! YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK SHE PUT IN HER POCKET TO HIDE IT FROM HER SISTER AND SHE’S ACTUALLY GONNA PAY FOR IT LATER?
NIMROD!!!
They come across an aisle filled with Snow White stuff; and they get a Snow White wig; pictures of the Disney animals; and a plastic axe. They met up with Mary Anne and the boys; Buddy’s found a Captain Planet costume that’s ten dollars (DA FUCK? COSTUMES WEREN’T THAT FUCKING CHEAP BACK THEN! SOME OF US LIVED THROUGH IT AND REMEMBER THAT SHIT, ANN!) It’s ok though; Mrs. B gave her kids some extra money to buy their Halloween costumes; because that in no way sounds like a bad idea! DOES ANY FUCKING PARENT DO ANYTHING WITH THEIR KIDS? WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY DO WHEN THE CULT GOES ON VACATION? FOR THAT MATTER; WHAT DID THEY DO BEFORE THE CULT WAS FORMED? FUCKING HELL!
They get to the register and Mary Anne got plastic whistles and rings for the Zorbs and a cloak for Snow. And all of this shit came to thirty fucking dollars; my ass. MY PEPSI DRINKING, ICE CREAM EATING, BOOK READING ASS IT DID! Anyway, they work out whose paying for what and I have no idea why they can’t just add it up and throw the money down; and then have the kids buy their separate shit, nor do I care. Jessi realizes that RUH-ROH! MARGO NEVER PAID FOR HER RING!
She confronts Margo later; who swears to tell her parents. I would call a BULL and a SHIT on that; but I really don’t care. Jessi then runs up the stairs to see Mal; and DOESN’T FUCKING TELL HER THAT MARGO STOLE SOMETHING! BECAUSE SHE’S A FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Chapter 9:
It’s time for another meeting; where Mal’s falling the fuck to sleep and no one cares. The more pressing issue is Wendy daring to be late! Because who cares if one of your friends is really sick; WENDY’S FUCKING LATE! DOES SHE NOT KNOW HOW IMPORTANT CLUB MEETINGS ARE?
The calls come in and while Wendy’s schedule is clear to take them; these bitches decided that since she’s late , they rather call Shannon to take it instead.
So lemme get this straight; THE ONLY FUCKING REASON YOU DIDN’T GIVE WENDY THE JOB IS BECAUSE SHE’S FUCKING TWO MINUTES LATE!! SO NOW THERE’S A GOOD CHANCE YOUR CLIENT ISN’T GONNA GET A SITTER AND YOU’RE BASICALLY SCREWING OVER YOURSELVES AT THIS POINT? DA HOLY FUCK? NO, THIS MAKES NO SENSE! WHY THE HELL DO THEY ALL HAVE TO MEET ANYWAY? IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY HANGING OUT OR SOMETHING; BUT SINCE ALL THEY DO IS TALK ABOUT BABYSITTING AND MARY ANNE CAN TELL WHO’S BUSY; WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
AND IF WENDY COULDN’T DO ANYTHING ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY; WOULDN’T SHE HAVE SAID IT BEFORE NOW? FUCKING HELL ANN! PUT DOWN THE PIPE AND WALK AWAY; IT DONE TURNED YOUR BRAIN INTO SWISS FUCKING CHEESE!!
Before the call to Shannon though; Mal wants to use it first to call Dee and have her come get her. Mal says she’s going to see a doctor the next day and the twats play like they give a shit; but we all know they’re worried about working triple time now! Mal asks if anyone could sit for her zoo siblings when her mom takes her and Jessi can do it; but OH NOES! THEY NEED ANOTHER SITTER! BUT THE BOOK SAYS THAT WENDY’S FREE; WHATEVER SHALL THEY DO BECAUSE SHE’S STILL LATE?! FUCKING HELL; CALL WENDY AND ASK HER, YOU FUCKWADS!!
Mal leaves and they all wonder if she’s really sick and DON’T TRY TO ACT YOU ASSHOLES GIVE A SHIT NOW! K-RON EVEN FUCKING SAYS THAT SHE HOPES THEY ALL DON’T CATCH WHATEVER THE FUCK MAL’S GOT; BECAUSE IF THEY HAVE TO CLOSE FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS; THEY MIGHT HAVE TO FOR FUCKING GOOD! EVERYONE WILL FIND NEW SITTERS; EVEN THE HILLS HAVEN’T USED THEM SINCE THEY COULDN’T PROVIDE A SITTER THAT TIME!
BULLET POINT TIME, GUYS!
· FIRST, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE FUCKING TIMES YOU GUYS GO ON TWO WEEK VACATIONS? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR CLIENTS FUCKING DO? THEY CALL OTHER FUCKING SITTERS, CAUSE THEY SURE AS SHIT AIN’T WATCHING THEIR OWN KIDS!
· SECOND, I HOPE THAT THE MONO MAL HAS ATTACKS YOU BITCHES AND YOU STILL HAVE TO FUCKING BABYSIT!
· THIRD; THE CLOSING SHIT WON’T HAPPEN BECAUSE ANN NEEDS TO PAY FOR HER FUCKING COKE HABIT FOR ANOTHER FIFTY BOOKS OR SO!!
· AND FINALLY FOURTH; FUCK THE HILLS; THEY’RE FUCKING ASSHOLES! AND FUCK YOU TOO, KIRSTEN!!
K-Ron asks Jessi to call Wendy and no one answers; leaving the stupid bitches to call Shannon and Logan a lot EVEN THOUGH WENDY CLEARLY COULD’VE TAKEN THOSE JOBS!! THE RECORD BOOK EVEN SAYS SO!
Wendy ends up coming at 5:55;
And is all chipper; saying hi and everything. K-Ron asks just what in the fuck kept her ass from showing up to the Cult meeting and that next time; it’s the Red Room of Pain for punishment! HAIL K-RON!
Wendy tells them that she had a sitting job; and the mom was late coming home, but are they any more jobs for her? K-Ron says that since she wasn’t there; they didn’t give them to her and that awesome, brilliant bitch Wendy gets PISSED off; and asks WHAT THE FUCK IS UP K-RON’S ASS ABOUT BEING HERE FOR EVERY FUCKING MEETING WHEN THE WEEPY BITCH CAN CLEARLY SEE WHEN SHE CAN TAKE JOBS! Or something like that! And all K-Ron can answer is; ‘Because you have to be’. WHO THE FUCK SAYS? YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF THE WORLD, BITCH!!
Jessi jumps in; saying that the only time you can be late is in the event of an emergency;
REALLY BITCH? WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE TIMES K-RON FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT WHENEVER ONE OF YOUR ASSES WAS THIRTY SECONDS LATE? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW JUST HOW FUNNY THAT SHIT IS YET! JUST YOU WAIT BITCH; THAT’S GONNA BITE YOU IN THE ASS IN LIKE, FIVE BOOKS!
Wendy says that it was an emergency; she couldn’t leave the kids alone and that’s true and it leaves me to wonder just what the fuck these twats do when they have a meeting and the parent’s late coming home. I guess K-Ron just passes out the Kool-Aid before they leave. Then K-Ron says that Wendy keeps breaking rules and poor chick has no fucking clue what this crazy bitch is talking about; BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED TO HER!
Wendy learns that she has to offer jobs around; even her regular jobs and that’s really a stupid rule. What happens if the client’s in a hurry; is Wendy supposed to be like; ‘Gee, I can’t sit but if you call these dumbass bitches; they might be able to take you?’ THE LADY WENDY SITS FOR DOESN’T KNOW ANY OF YOU; WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE CALL TWATS LIKE YOU?!
Anyway, Wendy doesn’t like that she has to pass around her jobs and vows to do better. She even says that she can take the Pike job with Jessi; who tells her to be on time. The meeting ends and Wendy apologizes to Jessi and asks why K-Ron is such a bitch and why the fuck should they have to listen to her in the first place? Jessi says that she’s the president and that’s why everything runs so smoothly; and the customers are happy and everyone gets money and K-Ron is OUR LORD AND MASTER AND WE NEVER QUESTION OUR LORD AND MASTER! HAIL K-RON!
Wendy basically calls K-Ron a bitch and Jessi says that it’s because she thinks the club’s in trouble and…
WHAT IF IT IS?!
That’s all for today; tune in tomorrow for the bullshit conclusion of Jessi and the Bad Baby-Sitter! Next week: Claudia and the Middle School Mystery. See you guys tomorrow; same snark time, same snark channel!
Hello everyone, welcome back! I hope that everyone is having a great day and that it’s cool where you are. It got much cooler here today; yesterday was freaking BRUTAL!! Thank God I had already cleaned my house before the heat set in!
I honestly am so happy at all the comments I’ve been getting; Thank you guys SOOO much!!! It really means the world to me and I cherish it so very much!
Now, let’s dive right back into this insanity!
Chapter 7:
I really hate most of these twats handwriting; they either can’t spell for shit like Claudia or write in very hard to read cursive. It’s insane!
Mary Anne writes that ‘Operation Dawn’s Video’ is underway and REALLY?
Can’t you bitches just send her a video of you guys during a club meeting? Must be actually include every single fucking kid she used to sit for and make it a goddamn event? Oh, who the fuck am I kidding; OF COURSE YOU’RE GONNA DO THAT ANYWAY! FUCKING HELL!
So, Mary Anne writes that she sat for the Barrett kids that day and they were fucking PISSED when her ass didn’t show up with a fucking camera all ready to go. EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE EVEN DOING YET! Mary Anne’s very sweet about the whole thing; telling the kids that they need to do a few things first; like pick just what kind of video they even want to make and who to include. She ends the entry saying that even though the video is a great idea; ‘it’s not going to be as simple as it sounds.’
NO SHIT SPARKY!
YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT ‘SUPER SITTERS’ SUCH AS THESE; WHO’VE DONE FUCKTONS OF TALENT SHOWS, BAND CONCERTS, AND OTHER THINGS; HAD NO FUCKING CLUE THAT PUTTING TOGETHER A VIDEO WITH ALL THE KIDS THEY SIT FOR, WAS GONNA BE FUCKING HARD?! I….JUST….WHA….
After that bullshit; we cut too Mary Anne asking the kids what kind of play they want to put on, and Suzi volunteers ‘Snow White and the Seven Zorbs’; because she can’t say the word Dwarves. She starts to name all the Zorbs/Dwarves and forgets Happy. Buddy shoots down the Snow White idea and asks if they can put on a Captain Planet play instead; because even from three thousand miles away, Dawn’s preachy ass still has to be heard. Plus, they all know what will happen if they dare to do a play where Snow White spends most of her time taking care of seven men; they’ve lived through the ‘Peter Pan’ debacle already.
Buddy says that it would be better for everyone’s mental health if they just fucking cater to Dawn and preform Captain Planet; he’s awesome because he saves the world from assholes like Duke Nukem. I honestly thought they meant the guy from the video games; but then realized that the video game Duke nearly had to change his name because it was the same one as a Captain Planet villain!
Mary Anne gets the brilliant idea to combine the two ideas instead; make Captain Planet the prince; where he has to save Snow White in a lab, because she’s been poisoned by the polluting Evil Queen with a radioactive apple and the Zorbs are actually ‘special and secret’ Planeteers! That sounds…. FUCKING AWESOME! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET KIDS USE THEIR IMAGINATIONS, DAWN?! YOU GET AWESOME THINGS LIKE THIS!
The kids think they’ll all set; but Mary Anne tells them that they need to figure out who’s playing what part; costuming, and even writing the script. The kid’s volunteer some names like; Laurel Kuhn to play Doc cause she’s so smart; Suzi wants to be the witch; Marnie for Dopey, and Buddy for Captain Planet himself. They decide to call over Jessi; whose sitting for Matt and Haley Braddock and the kids wonder what part Matt’s gonna play; but they realize that there’s non-speaking parts or that he can sign and his sister can translate; it’s not a big deal.
Jessi comes over in the midst of the three making Zorb hats for the play; and Mary Anne tells her what’s been going on. They’ve decided that Snow White’s gonna be an environmentalist, who the witch hates because she’s a huge fucking polluter. When Snow White tries to help the planet; the witch throws her in a polluted swap, where Swamp Thing saves her and then she meets the Zorb Planeteers. Wow, that’s like three different fandoms represented here; it’s AWESOME!
During the course of the afternoon; they get the play written and the hats made. Jessi suggests going to the party store downtown to get supplies and brings up the idea of the BSC dipping into the treasury to help out since it’s a club project.
Since that wasn’t really a snarkworthy chapter at all, I leave you guys this:
Click to viewChapter 8:
Luckily; this next chapter is snark worthy!
Jessi hears that Mal can’t come to the party store for supplies with her and a fuckton of kids and COMPLETELY FUCKING SNAPS AT HER; TELLING HER TO GO TO THE DOCTOR OR GET BETTER!
FUCK YOU JESSI! WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOUR ASS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO YOUR BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT ANYWAY?! YOU KNOW SHE’S SICK AND YOU’RE DEMANDING SHE GETS BETTER? AND YELLING AT HER ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR DOES NOTHING; BECAUSE DEE OR PA PIKE’S ASS IS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TAKE HER ASS YET!! FUCKING HELL, I THOUGHT THAT DAWN OR STACEY WAS BAD; BUT JESSI DESERVES A SMACK UPSIDE HER HEAD WITH A FUCKING SHOVEL!!
Mal says that her father’s still willing to drive them and I dunno; but if my kid told me that her friends were acting like complete fucking twats to her; demanding she get better when she’s not feeling well; THEY CAN FUCKING WALK TO THE GODDAMN STORE BECAUSE I SURE AS SHIT WOULDN’T BE FUCKING DRIVING THEIR ASSES ANYWHERE! But that’s just me.
Vanessa snots that if they were putting on Sleeping Beauty instead; Mal would be a shoo-in for the lead. Fuck you too, princess. I hope that mullet hairstyle gets you picked on! Vanessa keeps snotting about Mal possibly playing Sleepy instead and Jessi DOESN’T FUCKING DEFEND HER ‘BEST FRIEND’ AT ALL; BUT JUST SAYS THAT THE PLAY’S FOR KIDS! FUCKING HELL, JESSI’S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE!
Mal asks Vanessa to go with Mary Anne and Jessi and watch Margo and Nicky; with Jessi snotting that it was Mal’s job and FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
THAT BITCH JESSI EVEN GOES ON TO SAY THAT SHE CAN’T FUCKING TELL IF MAL’S EVEN REALLY SICK; THE ONLY THING THAT’S WRONG WITH HER IS BEING CONSTANTLY TIRED; WHICH SHE THINKS SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE TO JUST LAY AROUND! I…WHA..WHY….
I NEED A FUCKING MINUTE HERE PEOPLE!!
FUCK YOU JESSI; I HOPE YOU PLIE YOUR WAY OFF A FUCKING CLIFF! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET OFF ACTING LIKE YOUR BEST FRIEND IS FAKING IT JUST TO GET OUT OF A STUPID CLUB ACTIVITY? NOT THAT I WOULD BLAME HER A BIT AT THIS POINT; BUT YOU DO KNOW CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME IS A THING RIGHT? SO ARE LOTS OF OTHER DISEASES THAT MAY NOT BE VISIBLE BUT YOU CAN BE TIRED ALL THE TIME!!
THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS SHIT IS THAT JESSI EVEN FUCKING SAYS THAT MAL ISN’T THE TYPE TO LIE AROUND; AND THAT THIS ISN’T LIKE HER AT ALL! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTHERING HER THEN; IF YOU KNOW SHE NEVER ACTS LIKE THIS AT ALL, WOULDN’T YOU THINK THAT SOMETHING WAS FUCKING WRONG? NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD ENTAIL FUCKING LOGIC; WHICH WE ALL KNOW YOU BITCHES FUCKING LACK! AGAIN, FUCK YOU JESSI!
Mary Anne comes up then, and finds out that Mal isn’t coming. She asks if Jessi wants to cancel the trip; because there’s a lot of kids to keep track of and Mal volunteers Vanessa to watch Margo and Nicky. EVEN THOUGH SHE’S ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN NICKY!! AND SHE KNOWS NICKY RATHER DIE THAN LISTEN TO ONE OF HIS SISTERS EVER! LOGIC ANN, FUCKING LOGIC!!
Oh, and the huge amount of kids that they have to watch? Margo, Nicky, Suzi, Vanessa, and Buddy. That’s right; FIVE KIDS SPILT OVER TWO SITTERS! THAT’S A LOT OF KIDS? YOU ASSHOLES REALIZE THAT YOU WATCH THE FUCKING PIKE ZOO ALL THE TIME RIGHT? WHAT ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER WHERE MARY ANNE AND JESSI WATCHED THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUCKING KIDS!!! DO YOU ASSHOLES JUST LOOK FOR SHIT TO BITCH ABOUT? DO YOU HATE MAL THAT BAD; THE LOGICAL THING TO DO IS MAKE HER FEEL SHITTY ALL THE TIME?! IT’S ONLY FIVE FUCKING KIDS; YOU DON’T EVEN NEED MAL TO HELP YOU!! TWO SITTERS IS FUCKING PLENTY!!
Anyway; they head to the party store; which I guess is supposed to be like a Party City; which would be fucking AWESOME if I wasn’t so pissed already! They spilt the kids up and go off into the store. Mary Anne splits thirty dollars from the treasury; leaving fifteen each for the stuff they need. I hope the not Party City back then was cheaper; all I’m saying. Jessi finds crepe paper for Swap Thing; a plastic red apple bank for Snow White; pointy ears for the Zorbs and a plastic palm tree. The kids start buying some stuff with their money as well; Vanessa gets a brown hat for the woodsman; Suzi gets a black witch hat and Margo gets a big red nose for Sneezy. And leaving out the kids’ stuff; are we really supposed to fucking believe that they bought all that shit for fifteen dollars? REALLY?
They stop off in the troll doll section and HELL YEA!! I FUCKING LOVED TROLLS; I HAD A FUCK TON OF THEM BACK IN THE DAY! There, Jessi sees Margo take a small troll ring off the self and put into the pocket of her jeans and dumbass has no fucking clue what to do.
REALLY BITCH?! FUCKING REALLY?! YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK SHE PUT IN HER POCKET TO HIDE IT FROM HER SISTER AND SHE’S ACTUALLY GONNA PAY FOR IT LATER?
NIMROD!!!
They come across an aisle filled with Snow White stuff; and they get a Snow White wig; pictures of the Disney animals; and a plastic axe. They met up with Mary Anne and the boys; Buddy’s found a Captain Planet costume that’s ten dollars (DA FUCK? COSTUMES WEREN’T THAT FUCKING CHEAP BACK THEN! SOME OF US LIVED THROUGH IT AND REMEMBER THAT SHIT, ANN!) It’s ok though; Mrs. B gave her kids some extra money to buy their Halloween costumes; because that in no way sounds like a bad idea! DOES ANY FUCKING PARENT DO ANYTHING WITH THEIR KIDS? WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY DO WHEN THE CULT GOES ON VACATION? FOR THAT MATTER; WHAT DID THEY DO BEFORE THE CULT WAS FORMED? FUCKING HELL!
They get to the register and Mary Anne got plastic whistles and rings for the Zorbs and a cloak for Snow. And all of this shit came to thirty fucking dollars; my ass. MY PEPSI DRINKING, ICE CREAM EATING, BOOK READING ASS IT DID! Anyway, they work out whose paying for what and I have no idea why they can’t just add it up and throw the money down; and then have the kids buy their separate shit, nor do I care. Jessi realizes that RUH-ROH! MARGO NEVER PAID FOR HER RING!
She confronts Margo later; who swears to tell her parents. I would call a BULL and a SHIT on that; but I really don’t care. Jessi then runs up the stairs to see Mal; and DOESN’T FUCKING TELL HER THAT MARGO STOLE SOMETHING! BECAUSE SHE’S A FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Chapter 9:
It’s time for another meeting; where Mal’s falling the fuck to sleep and no one cares. The more pressing issue is Wendy daring to be late! Because who cares if one of your friends is really sick; WENDY’S FUCKING LATE! DOES SHE NOT KNOW HOW IMPORTANT CLUB MEETINGS ARE?
The calls come in and while Wendy’s schedule is clear to take them; these bitches decided that since she’s late , they rather call Shannon to take it instead.
So lemme get this straight; THE ONLY FUCKING REASON YOU DIDN’T GIVE WENDY THE JOB IS BECAUSE SHE’S FUCKING TWO MINUTES LATE!! SO NOW THERE’S A GOOD CHANCE YOUR CLIENT ISN’T GONNA GET A SITTER AND YOU’RE BASICALLY SCREWING OVER YOURSELVES AT THIS POINT? DA HOLY FUCK? NO, THIS MAKES NO SENSE! WHY THE HELL DO THEY ALL HAVE TO MEET ANYWAY? IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY HANGING OUT OR SOMETHING; BUT SINCE ALL THEY DO IS TALK ABOUT BABYSITTING AND MARY ANNE CAN TELL WHO’S BUSY; WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
AND IF WENDY COULDN’T DO ANYTHING ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY; WOULDN’T SHE HAVE SAID IT BEFORE NOW? FUCKING HELL ANN! PUT DOWN THE PIPE AND WALK AWAY; IT DONE TURNED YOUR BRAIN INTO SWISS FUCKING CHEESE!!
Before the call to Shannon though; Mal wants to use it first to call Dee and have her come get her. Mal says she’s going to see a doctor the next day and the twats play like they give a shit; but we all know they’re worried about working triple time now! Mal asks if anyone could sit for her zoo siblings when her mom takes her and Jessi can do it; but OH NOES! THEY NEED ANOTHER SITTER! BUT THE BOOK SAYS THAT WENDY’S FREE; WHATEVER SHALL THEY DO BECAUSE SHE’S STILL LATE?! FUCKING HELL; CALL WENDY AND ASK HER, YOU FUCKWADS!!
Mal leaves and they all wonder if she’s really sick and DON’T TRY TO ACT YOU ASSHOLES GIVE A SHIT NOW! K-RON EVEN FUCKING SAYS THAT SHE HOPES THEY ALL DON’T CATCH WHATEVER THE FUCK MAL’S GOT; BECAUSE IF THEY HAVE TO CLOSE FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS; THEY MIGHT HAVE TO FOR FUCKING GOOD! EVERYONE WILL FIND NEW SITTERS; EVEN THE HILLS HAVEN’T USED THEM SINCE THEY COULDN’T PROVIDE A SITTER THAT TIME!
BULLET POINT TIME, GUYS!
· FIRST, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE FUCKING TIMES YOU GUYS GO ON TWO WEEK VACATIONS? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR CLIENTS FUCKING DO? THEY CALL OTHER FUCKING SITTERS, CAUSE THEY SURE AS SHIT AIN’T WATCHING THEIR OWN KIDS!
· SECOND, I HOPE THAT THE MONO MAL HAS ATTACKS YOU BITCHES AND YOU STILL HAVE TO FUCKING BABYSIT!
· THIRD; THE CLOSING SHIT WON’T HAPPEN BECAUSE ANN NEEDS TO PAY FOR HER FUCKING COKE HABIT FOR ANOTHER FIFTY BOOKS OR SO!!
· AND FINALLY FOURTH; FUCK THE HILLS; THEY’RE FUCKING ASSHOLES! AND FUCK YOU TOO, KIRSTEN!!
K-Ron asks Jessi to call Wendy and no one answers; leaving the stupid bitches to call Shannon and Logan a lot EVEN THOUGH WENDY CLEARLY COULD’VE TAKEN THOSE JOBS!! THE RECORD BOOK EVEN SAYS SO!
Wendy ends up coming at 5:55;
And is all chipper; saying hi and everything. K-Ron asks just what in the fuck kept her ass from showing up to the Cult meeting and that next time; it’s the Red Room of Pain for punishment! HAIL K-RON!
Wendy tells them that she had a sitting job; and the mom was late coming home, but are they any more jobs for her? K-Ron says that since she wasn’t there; they didn’t give them to her and that awesome, brilliant bitch Wendy gets PISSED off; and asks WHAT THE FUCK IS UP K-RON’S ASS ABOUT BEING HERE FOR EVERY FUCKING MEETING WHEN THE WEEPY BITCH CAN CLEARLY SEE WHEN SHE CAN TAKE JOBS! Or something like that! And all K-Ron can answer is; ‘Because you have to be’. WHO THE FUCK SAYS? YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF THE WORLD, BITCH!!
Jessi jumps in; saying that the only time you can be late is in the event of an emergency;
REALLY BITCH? WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE TIMES K-RON FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT WHENEVER ONE OF YOUR ASSES WAS THIRTY SECONDS LATE? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW JUST HOW FUNNY THAT SHIT IS YET! JUST YOU WAIT BITCH; THAT’S GONNA BITE YOU IN THE ASS IN LIKE, FIVE BOOKS!
Wendy says that it was an emergency; she couldn’t leave the kids alone and that’s true and it leaves me to wonder just what the fuck these twats do when they have a meeting and the parent’s late coming home. I guess K-Ron just passes out the Kool-Aid before they leave. Then K-Ron says that Wendy keeps breaking rules and poor chick has no fucking clue what this crazy bitch is talking about; BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED TO HER!
Wendy learns that she has to offer jobs around; even her regular jobs and that’s really a stupid rule. What happens if the client’s in a hurry; is Wendy supposed to be like; ‘Gee, I can’t sit but if you call these dumbass bitches; they might be able to take you?’ THE LADY WENDY SITS FOR DOESN’T KNOW ANY OF YOU; WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE CALL TWATS LIKE YOU?!
Anyway, Wendy doesn’t like that she has to pass around her jobs and vows to do better. She even says that she can take the Pike job with Jessi; who tells her to be on time. The meeting ends and Wendy apologizes to Jessi and asks why K-Ron is such a bitch and why the fuck should they have to listen to her in the first place? Jessi says that she’s the president and that’s why everything runs so smoothly; and the customers are happy and everyone gets money and K-Ron is OUR LORD AND MASTER AND WE NEVER QUESTION OUR LORD AND MASTER! HAIL K-RON!
Wendy basically calls K-Ron a bitch and Jessi says that it’s because she thinks the club’s in trouble and…
WHAT IF IT IS?!
That’s all for today; tune in tomorrow for the bullshit conclusion of Jessi and the Bad Baby-Sitter! Next week: Claudia and the Middle School Mystery. See you guys tomorrow; same snark time, same snark channel!