BSC #34: MARY ANNE AND TOO MANY BOYS OR BOY-CRAZY STACEY: THE RESURRECTION!! PART 1!!
BSC #34: MARY ANNE AND TOO MANY BOYS OR BOY-CRAZY STACEY: THE RESURRECTION!! PART 1!!
I hope that everyone had a fabulous Mother’s day, Happy Belated to all of you!! The weather is gorgeous and I have my peanut butter M&M’s and Pepsi, so I’m ready to do the damn thing!! First, as always Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and enjoying!! You guys are incredible and I thank you so much!!
Now;
(thanks to 90’s Flashback and syphabelnades for the pictures!)
This is the first cover and the one that I own. The triplets and Nicky are playing in the sand, along with some other kid I have no fucking clue who it is. Stacey has a side ponytail and is obviously lying about her ability to fill out a fucking bikini, because she has smaller boobs than Toby there does. Toby twirls his Frisbee on one finger and has such a clown smile on; it’s like Stacey told him to meet her under the boardwalk later for naked time.
Mary Anne is wearing what appears to be a bikini with fringe on it; which must be heavy as fuck when it’s wet. She’s covered in a blanket, with pig tails and has that ‘Good Lord, why the FUCK is he touching me’ face on. Alex looks like the bastard child of Mallory and Doctor Hunt from Grey’s Anatomy and for SOME REASON is wearing white trunks like Toby did in the previous book. I guess everyone got an eyeful that day, huh?
This is the second cover:
It’s basically the same thing, although there are SOME differences. Stacey’s hair is now down as is Mary Anne’s and now Mary Anne’s suit is a one piece. I have no idea why they changed it, but it looks off to me. Especially since it makes it look like Mary Anne has no hair on the sides of her head, I guess they just painted over the pig tails or something. Once again; GREAT FUCKING JOB, COVER ARTISTS!!!
Chapter 1:
Mary Anne is happy because it’s the fiftieth fucking summer she’s spent between eighth grades, and we get most of the exposition out of the way early at the club meeting. THANK YOU LORD!!!
So once again; the whole club is going on vacation: Mal, Stacey and Mary Anne are on the way to Sea City, Claudia’s going to Vermont and Dawn’s going to California. The ones left behind are Jessi; who’d probably say it’s because she’s black; and K-Ron, because Watson already blew so much money sending her ass to camp, Disney and Shadow Lake at this point, he’s broke!!! Also, GREAT FUCKING JOB WRITING THIS SHIT ANN!!! YOU CAN’T TELL US THAT IT’S ANOTHER SUMMER AND THEN HAVE THEM IN EIGHTH GRADE AGAIN, IF THEY SAID THE SAME THING ON ALL THOSE OTHER TRIPS!!! THE TIME WRAP JUST REVEALED ITSELF!!
The three going to Sea City start talking about all the places there; it’s such an attempt to remind the reader about the first book; it’s really fucking LAUGHABLE!!! They all cry over missing each other for two week and they trade addresses and K-Ron vows to keep the notebook updated again. Fucking Hell Woman, THEY DON’T FUCKING CARE!! IF I WAS GOING ON VACATION; I WOULDN’T SPEND IT BABYSITTING!!! I KNOW THREE OF THESE GIRLS DON’T HAVE A CHOICE; THEY’RE ACTUALLY GONNA BE PAID TO DO SO; BUT NOT CLAUDIA!! SO WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT?
The meeting ends and they leave and I Thank God that was the whole chapter.
DANCE PARTY!!!
<
Chapter 2:
Dawn’s busy packing bikini’s for the trip and asks Mary Anne’s opinion on them. Mary Anne tells her that she looks great in whatever and she should bring more than one suit, and Dawn says she’s bringing six: three bikinis and three tank suits. First off; WHO THE FUCK OWNED SIX FUCKING BATHING SUITS? I THINK THE MOST I HAD AT ONCE WAS TWO!! SECOND; DOES NO ONE HAVE A ONE PIECE OR SOMETHING, MUST IT ALWAYS BE SOMETHING SKIMPY?
Dawn offers a string, metallic bikini for Mary Anne to wear and WHAT THE FUCK? A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD IN A STRING, METALLIC BIKINI? A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU SMOKING ANN? SERIOUSLY, IF IT’S THAT STRONG AND GOOD SELL IT!! YOU’D MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY THAN YOU DO WRITING THIS SHIT!!
Mary Anne says that her father would beat her ass if she dares wear something like that; and once again, Richard has proven to be the one remaining parent in Stoneybrook with any goddamn sense. We get some more exposition, which I skip over because we all know this shit already.
Richard and Sharon come in with sunblock and we get a recap of Mary Anne getting fried last time. Sharon asks if they have everything and Mary Anne tells us how much of a hoarder she is. Dawn tells her mother that she’s almost set and Mary Anne says that Dawn’s ‘dressed for traveling; she’s wearing a beautiful Laura Ashley dress and pearl barrettes’. Ok, seriously now; HOW MUCH MONEY DID THE PEOPLE AT LAURA ASHLEY PAY ANN TO MENTION THE STORE ALL THE TIME? THAT’S ALL DAWN FUCKING WEARS; SHE PROBABLY LOOKS LIKE BECKY CONNER HALF THE FUCKING TIME:
ALSO; HOW THE FUCK IS A DRESS AND BARRETTES FUCKING COMFORTABLE FOR AN ALMOST SEVEN HOUR FLIGHT? I FLY TO FLORIDA FOR VACATION SOMETIMES AND I DRESS IN SWEATS AND A T-SHIRT TO BE COMFORTABLE, AND THAT’S ONLY A THREE HOUR FLIGHT!!!
Sharon talks about how she made a ‘special meal’ for Dawn’s last meal home; and OH SHIT SHE MADE THE FUNNY BROWNIES AGAIN!! DAWN’S GONNA BE TRIPPING THE WHOLE FLIGHT!! No, it turns out its spinach lasagna, tossed salad and Italian Bread. That sounds good and all; but I prefer meat in my lasagna, oh well. At least she made the effort and didn’t make some Tofu shit that her husband and step child hate. Spoke too soon, desserts Tofu Delight!! I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or anything; but that sounds fucking nasty!!!
They get to the airport and Mary Anne asks if Dawn brought any snacks for the trip and anyone remember being able to bring food on a flight, ah memories! Also, if she can bring food on a plane here, why the fuck didn’t she do that in that book when she went to see her dad and the flight attendant fucked up her meal? Once again; LOGIC. LEARN YOU SOME!! I have to say, Dawn’s actually nice to Mary Anne; telling her that she can borrow a book and some music. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO DAWN; DID THEY REPLACE HER WITH A POD PERSON? Sadly, this doesn’t stick and you can bet your ass she’s goes to being the ginormous fucking cunt she is in the next book!
Dawn gets on the flight and everyone is sad. Except us snarkers; we’re having another DANCE PARTY!!
Mary Anne has trouble sleeping that night, but thinks about all the madness she’s going to be facing with the Pike kids for the next two weeks. Oh Honey, it’d be even more if Stacey falls in ‘luv’ again. The next day, Mary Anne grabs her shit and they’re off; in the exact same fucking seats as last time. It’s almost like the first Sea City was meant to have both girls narrate and the editors said; ‘Fuck It, we’ll just make an entire different book from Mary Anne’s point of view’. And then they just cut and pasted this shit together.
Anyway:
SEA CITY, HERE THEY COME!!!! AGAIN!!!!
Chapter 3:
Mary Anne writes to K-Ron that she arrived alright and the kids were pains in the asses the whole ride down. Or actually acting like normal fucking kids for once, shocking I know!! She says that the triplets did the exact same way as the last book; writing mean signs to Nicky to tease him. Seriously, cut and paste job. She also says that Claire scared the shit out of everyone and she ends the card before writing just how Claire did that.
Vanessa also was a pain in the ass; doing that stupid rhyming shit the whole way down. I guess Vanessa grows up and either becomes Iggy Azalea or the new star at the Nuyorican Poets Café. The triplets ask if they can stop for donuts and Mrs. Pike shuts that shit down quick and tells them that they’re waiting an hour for HoJo’s and fucking liking it. Damn Ma Pike, you don’t pack lollipops or chips like any other mother would? Fuck, my mom always packed snacks just to go to my aunt’s and she was only twenty minutes away. Matter of fact; my family STILL TO THIS DAY packs lifesavers, gum or lollipops for a long ass ride. You never know who might get hungry or feel sick.
Vanessa starts to rhyme again and even after the kids ask Sweet Dee to make her stop; Bitch does NOTHING at all!! Because she’s not a regular mom; she’s a COOL mom:
Plus, she and Daddy Pike have liberal ideas to raising children: they can do anything they want, within reason. And I’m sorry, but they don’t even let their daughter wear sparkly socks, for Fuck’s sake! That’s not liberal, that’s strict!! But no, they’re awesome parents; letting the kids eat whatever they want, express themselves however they want; run around naked like Claire does!! But Mal has to beg for sweatshirts and socks, FUCKING HELL!!
So, Mary Anne tries to get Vanessa to cut the shit and the triplets start to rhyme as well; which causes her to stop. They end up neck and neck with Daddy Pike and Nicky makes faces out the window.
Adam starts working on a mean note and Sweet Dee does NOTHING; CAUSE YOU KNOW, GOD FORBID THE KIDS CAN’T EXPRESS THEMSELVES AT ALL!!! MARY ANNE IS THE ONE WHO TELLS THEM THAT THEY SHOULDN’T DO ANYTHING, NOT THAT THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN TO HER AT ALL!! And the great note that Adam writes? The awesome, most epic burn?
BATMAN HAS A BIRD BRAIN.
The reason for the lame answer is because Nicky bought a Batman shirt himself and he’s proud of it. Damn Skippy, I was of the one my mom got me that same year!!! FUCK THE TRIPLETS AND THEIR ASSES!! Anyway, Nicky sees the sign and actually shakes his fist at the car and the boys actually KEEP HOLDING UP THE SIGN WHENEVER THE CAR PASSES NICKY’S!! FUCKING HELL, PARENT YOUR GODDAMN KIDS ONCE IN A WHILE!!!
They get to HoJo’s and the parents sit at the counter; while the girls watch the kids. I HATE THESE ASSHOLES, NO WONDER THEIR KIDS ARE SO FUCKED UP!! THE PARENTS NEVER SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT FOR THEM; IF YOU DIDN’T WANT SO MANY FUCKING KIDS YOU SHOULD’VE USED BIRTH CONTROL, ASSHOLES!!! Plus, it takes Mary Anne to realize one of the kids were missing, WHAT THE FUCK? SO WHEN JOHN AND DEE CAME OVER TO JOIN THEM, THEY DIDN'T DO A HEAD COUNT? FUCKING AMATEURS!!!
Turns out Claire is missing and no one knows where she is, but it’s ok!! She’s sitting at the counter, WHERE HER PARENTS JUST WERE AND STILL THEY DIDN’T SEE HER!! THE HOLY FUCK?! I GUESS VACATION TIME FOR THEM STARTS THE SECOND MARY ANNE AND STACEY SET FOOT IN FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE, BEFORE THEY LOAD THE CAR!!! HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE YOUR OWN CHILD SITTING AT THE SAME COUNTER YOU ARE?
Anyway, Claire tried to eat her ice cream from the bottom of the cone and it leaked out and the ice cream dude gives her a brand new cone, no charge. I would call BULLSHIT on this; but dude probably saw how shitty her parents are and gave her the cone out of pity. God knows she deserves it.
Everyone’s happy Claire’s back and they drive on, past the cow sign, the crab shack and the suntan girl. They arrive at Sea City and everyone cheers.
More will be up soon, I hope you enjoyed this! I got some new stuff here: http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/ feel free to check it out and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon!
I hope that everyone had a fabulous Mother’s day, Happy Belated to all of you!! The weather is gorgeous and I have my peanut butter M&M’s and Pepsi, so I’m ready to do the damn thing!! First, as always Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and enjoying!! You guys are incredible and I thank you so much!!
Now;
(thanks to 90’s Flashback and syphabelnades for the pictures!)
This is the first cover and the one that I own. The triplets and Nicky are playing in the sand, along with some other kid I have no fucking clue who it is. Stacey has a side ponytail and is obviously lying about her ability to fill out a fucking bikini, because she has smaller boobs than Toby there does. Toby twirls his Frisbee on one finger and has such a clown smile on; it’s like Stacey told him to meet her under the boardwalk later for naked time.
Mary Anne is wearing what appears to be a bikini with fringe on it; which must be heavy as fuck when it’s wet. She’s covered in a blanket, with pig tails and has that ‘Good Lord, why the FUCK is he touching me’ face on. Alex looks like the bastard child of Mallory and Doctor Hunt from Grey’s Anatomy and for SOME REASON is wearing white trunks like Toby did in the previous book. I guess everyone got an eyeful that day, huh?
This is the second cover:
It’s basically the same thing, although there are SOME differences. Stacey’s hair is now down as is Mary Anne’s and now Mary Anne’s suit is a one piece. I have no idea why they changed it, but it looks off to me. Especially since it makes it look like Mary Anne has no hair on the sides of her head, I guess they just painted over the pig tails or something. Once again; GREAT FUCKING JOB, COVER ARTISTS!!!
Chapter 1:
Mary Anne is happy because it’s the fiftieth fucking summer she’s spent between eighth grades, and we get most of the exposition out of the way early at the club meeting. THANK YOU LORD!!!
Click to viewSo once again; the whole club is going on vacation: Mal, Stacey and Mary Anne are on the way to Sea City, Claudia’s going to Vermont and Dawn’s going to California. The ones left behind are Jessi; who’d probably say it’s because she’s black; and K-Ron, because Watson already blew so much money sending her ass to camp, Disney and Shadow Lake at this point, he’s broke!!! Also, GREAT FUCKING JOB WRITING THIS SHIT ANN!!! YOU CAN’T TELL US THAT IT’S ANOTHER SUMMER AND THEN HAVE THEM IN EIGHTH GRADE AGAIN, IF THEY SAID THE SAME THING ON ALL THOSE OTHER TRIPS!!! THE TIME WRAP JUST REVEALED ITSELF!!
The three going to Sea City start talking about all the places there; it’s such an attempt to remind the reader about the first book; it’s really fucking LAUGHABLE!!! They all cry over missing each other for two week and they trade addresses and K-Ron vows to keep the notebook updated again. Fucking Hell Woman, THEY DON’T FUCKING CARE!! IF I WAS GOING ON VACATION; I WOULDN’T SPEND IT BABYSITTING!!! I KNOW THREE OF THESE GIRLS DON’T HAVE A CHOICE; THEY’RE ACTUALLY GONNA BE PAID TO DO SO; BUT NOT CLAUDIA!! SO WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT?
The meeting ends and they leave and I Thank God that was the whole chapter.
DANCE PARTY!!!
<
Chapter 2:
Dawn’s busy packing bikini’s for the trip and asks Mary Anne’s opinion on them. Mary Anne tells her that she looks great in whatever and she should bring more than one suit, and Dawn says she’s bringing six: three bikinis and three tank suits. First off; WHO THE FUCK OWNED SIX FUCKING BATHING SUITS? I THINK THE MOST I HAD AT ONCE WAS TWO!! SECOND; DOES NO ONE HAVE A ONE PIECE OR SOMETHING, MUST IT ALWAYS BE SOMETHING SKIMPY?
Dawn offers a string, metallic bikini for Mary Anne to wear and WHAT THE FUCK? A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD IN A STRING, METALLIC BIKINI? A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU SMOKING ANN? SERIOUSLY, IF IT’S THAT STRONG AND GOOD SELL IT!! YOU’D MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY THAN YOU DO WRITING THIS SHIT!!
Mary Anne says that her father would beat her ass if she dares wear something like that; and once again, Richard has proven to be the one remaining parent in Stoneybrook with any goddamn sense. We get some more exposition, which I skip over because we all know this shit already.
Richard and Sharon come in with sunblock and we get a recap of Mary Anne getting fried last time. Sharon asks if they have everything and Mary Anne tells us how much of a hoarder she is. Dawn tells her mother that she’s almost set and Mary Anne says that Dawn’s ‘dressed for traveling; she’s wearing a beautiful Laura Ashley dress and pearl barrettes’. Ok, seriously now; HOW MUCH MONEY DID THE PEOPLE AT LAURA ASHLEY PAY ANN TO MENTION THE STORE ALL THE TIME? THAT’S ALL DAWN FUCKING WEARS; SHE PROBABLY LOOKS LIKE BECKY CONNER HALF THE FUCKING TIME:
ALSO; HOW THE FUCK IS A DRESS AND BARRETTES FUCKING COMFORTABLE FOR AN ALMOST SEVEN HOUR FLIGHT? I FLY TO FLORIDA FOR VACATION SOMETIMES AND I DRESS IN SWEATS AND A T-SHIRT TO BE COMFORTABLE, AND THAT’S ONLY A THREE HOUR FLIGHT!!!
Sharon talks about how she made a ‘special meal’ for Dawn’s last meal home; and OH SHIT SHE MADE THE FUNNY BROWNIES AGAIN!! DAWN’S GONNA BE TRIPPING THE WHOLE FLIGHT!! No, it turns out its spinach lasagna, tossed salad and Italian Bread. That sounds good and all; but I prefer meat in my lasagna, oh well. At least she made the effort and didn’t make some Tofu shit that her husband and step child hate. Spoke too soon, desserts Tofu Delight!! I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or anything; but that sounds fucking nasty!!!
They get to the airport and Mary Anne asks if Dawn brought any snacks for the trip and anyone remember being able to bring food on a flight, ah memories! Also, if she can bring food on a plane here, why the fuck didn’t she do that in that book when she went to see her dad and the flight attendant fucked up her meal? Once again; LOGIC. LEARN YOU SOME!! I have to say, Dawn’s actually nice to Mary Anne; telling her that she can borrow a book and some music. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO DAWN; DID THEY REPLACE HER WITH A POD PERSON? Sadly, this doesn’t stick and you can bet your ass she’s goes to being the ginormous fucking cunt she is in the next book!
Dawn gets on the flight and everyone is sad. Except us snarkers; we’re having another DANCE PARTY!!
Mary Anne has trouble sleeping that night, but thinks about all the madness she’s going to be facing with the Pike kids for the next two weeks. Oh Honey, it’d be even more if Stacey falls in ‘luv’ again. The next day, Mary Anne grabs her shit and they’re off; in the exact same fucking seats as last time. It’s almost like the first Sea City was meant to have both girls narrate and the editors said; ‘Fuck It, we’ll just make an entire different book from Mary Anne’s point of view’. And then they just cut and pasted this shit together.
Anyway:
SEA CITY, HERE THEY COME!!!! AGAIN!!!!
Chapter 3:
Mary Anne writes to K-Ron that she arrived alright and the kids were pains in the asses the whole ride down. Or actually acting like normal fucking kids for once, shocking I know!! She says that the triplets did the exact same way as the last book; writing mean signs to Nicky to tease him. Seriously, cut and paste job. She also says that Claire scared the shit out of everyone and she ends the card before writing just how Claire did that.
Vanessa also was a pain in the ass; doing that stupid rhyming shit the whole way down. I guess Vanessa grows up and either becomes Iggy Azalea or the new star at the Nuyorican Poets Café. The triplets ask if they can stop for donuts and Mrs. Pike shuts that shit down quick and tells them that they’re waiting an hour for HoJo’s and fucking liking it. Damn Ma Pike, you don’t pack lollipops or chips like any other mother would? Fuck, my mom always packed snacks just to go to my aunt’s and she was only twenty minutes away. Matter of fact; my family STILL TO THIS DAY packs lifesavers, gum or lollipops for a long ass ride. You never know who might get hungry or feel sick.
Vanessa starts to rhyme again and even after the kids ask Sweet Dee to make her stop; Bitch does NOTHING at all!! Because she’s not a regular mom; she’s a COOL mom:
Plus, she and Daddy Pike have liberal ideas to raising children: they can do anything they want, within reason. And I’m sorry, but they don’t even let their daughter wear sparkly socks, for Fuck’s sake! That’s not liberal, that’s strict!! But no, they’re awesome parents; letting the kids eat whatever they want, express themselves however they want; run around naked like Claire does!! But Mal has to beg for sweatshirts and socks, FUCKING HELL!!
So, Mary Anne tries to get Vanessa to cut the shit and the triplets start to rhyme as well; which causes her to stop. They end up neck and neck with Daddy Pike and Nicky makes faces out the window.
Adam starts working on a mean note and Sweet Dee does NOTHING; CAUSE YOU KNOW, GOD FORBID THE KIDS CAN’T EXPRESS THEMSELVES AT ALL!!! MARY ANNE IS THE ONE WHO TELLS THEM THAT THEY SHOULDN’T DO ANYTHING, NOT THAT THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN TO HER AT ALL!! And the great note that Adam writes? The awesome, most epic burn?
BATMAN HAS A BIRD BRAIN.
The reason for the lame answer is because Nicky bought a Batman shirt himself and he’s proud of it. Damn Skippy, I was of the one my mom got me that same year!!! FUCK THE TRIPLETS AND THEIR ASSES!! Anyway, Nicky sees the sign and actually shakes his fist at the car and the boys actually KEEP HOLDING UP THE SIGN WHENEVER THE CAR PASSES NICKY’S!! FUCKING HELL, PARENT YOUR GODDAMN KIDS ONCE IN A WHILE!!!
They get to HoJo’s and the parents sit at the counter; while the girls watch the kids. I HATE THESE ASSHOLES, NO WONDER THEIR KIDS ARE SO FUCKED UP!! THE PARENTS NEVER SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT FOR THEM; IF YOU DIDN’T WANT SO MANY FUCKING KIDS YOU SHOULD’VE USED BIRTH CONTROL, ASSHOLES!!! Plus, it takes Mary Anne to realize one of the kids were missing, WHAT THE FUCK? SO WHEN JOHN AND DEE CAME OVER TO JOIN THEM, THEY DIDN'T DO A HEAD COUNT? FUCKING AMATEURS!!!
Turns out Claire is missing and no one knows where she is, but it’s ok!! She’s sitting at the counter, WHERE HER PARENTS JUST WERE AND STILL THEY DIDN’T SEE HER!! THE HOLY FUCK?! I GUESS VACATION TIME FOR THEM STARTS THE SECOND MARY ANNE AND STACEY SET FOOT IN FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE, BEFORE THEY LOAD THE CAR!!! HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE YOUR OWN CHILD SITTING AT THE SAME COUNTER YOU ARE?
Anyway, Claire tried to eat her ice cream from the bottom of the cone and it leaked out and the ice cream dude gives her a brand new cone, no charge. I would call BULLSHIT on this; but dude probably saw how shitty her parents are and gave her the cone out of pity. God knows she deserves it.
Everyone’s happy Claire’s back and they drive on, past the cow sign, the crab shack and the suntan girl. They arrive at Sea City and everyone cheers.
More will be up soon, I hope you enjoyed this! I got some new stuff here: http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/ feel free to check it out and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon!