BSC #8: BOY-CRAZY STACEY OR MAGIC MIKE HAS LEFT THE STAGE!!!! THE END!!!!
BSC #8: BOY-CRAZY STACEY OR MAGIC MIKE HAS LEFT THE STAGE!!!! THE END!!!!
Hey folks, how is everyone enjoying the gorgeous weather today?! I got the windows open in my office/library and am sunbathing as I write! I see some new people commenting on my snarks and I thank you for reading and commenting; as well as my already loyal peeps!! You guys really freakin rock and are awesome, it really can’t be said enough how much I appreciate every wonderful comment you guys leave, THANK YOU!!!
Now, it’s time to wrap this crap up and move on to greener pastures! Or at least a better book with the exact same plot. Be prepared, it might get LOUD people!!!
Chapter 10:
Stacey writes to K-Ron in such fucking shorthand; I’m surprised she ever bothered writing her a fucking card in the first place. Especially since it was only to write that Byron is scared of the water and the kids are fine. I would ask why they have to write TWO postcards to K-Ron rather than just one together; but I already know Stacey would force that on Mary Anne, like everything else this trip.
Then Stacey writes to Claudia that the ‘most awful, humiliating thing in the world has happened.’ What did Magic find out you stuff your bikini top and that’s how you really fill it out so nicely? Did you catch him and that other lifeguard in a passionate embrace under the boardwalk, down by the motherfucking sea? No, she teases us with just what the fuck happened, but she does say that she feels like a giant twat and that Mary Anne tried to warn her about Magic Mike. Uh…. No she didn’t. She just said that he was too old for you and that he had his pick of college girl ass to choose from, and guess what Princess? HE TOTALLY FUCKING DOES AND IS WAY TOO FUCKING OLD FOR YOU!!! Stacey says that she ran out of room on the card and will send Claudia another with the rest of the story on it. What-the-fuck-ever.
Turns out that Stacey needed FOUR fucking postcards to tell Claudia the whole damn story. And no, I have no idea why Stacey couldn’t mail Claudia a whole LETTER or I dunno, CALL CLAUDIA ON THE FUCKING TELEPHONE!!! SERIOUSLY GIRLS; LOGIC LEARN YOU SOME!!! She says that what happened was completely unexpected, at least to her it was. That’s because you’re a massive dumbass!!! The rest of us already figured out what was gonna happen almost thirty fucking years ago; when most of us read the fucking thing!!!
So, the crew is at the halfway point of this little trip and Stacey’s having a blast!! Her hair is ‘two shades lighter’ (how the fuck is she explaining that one to Maureen?); she has a great tan and she already bought a brand new bikini, some Pepto-Bismol colored one with fucking palm trees and crap all over it. She snots that Mary Anne’s sunburn went away; but she has an awful tan, is as pink as that fucking bikini of hers and she stays covered up, under the umbrella at the beach. FUCK YOU PRINCESS; NOT EVERYONE CAN SIT IN THE SUN FOR HOURS OR FUCKING TAN, OK!!!! I BURN LIKE A GODDAMN HOT DOG IN THE SUN AND IT’S FUCKING PAINFUL!! WHO GIVES A DAMN IF MARY ANNE’S TAN SUCKS, AT LEAST SHE WON’T LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN LEATHER HANDBAG IN HER THIRTIES LIKE YOU WILL!!! FUCKING BITCH!!!
Stacey tells us that the diabeetus hasn’t even been acting up and that Maureen only called a couple to check up on her; plus the kids haven’t even been asking questions about her diet; and I’ll maintain what I said before: THEY DON’T FUCKING CARE!! THEY ARE JUST HAPPY THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO SHARE THE JUNK FOOD WITH ANOTHER PERSON!! Stacey says that she’s also happy because of Magic Mike; she sees him almost every day.
Mr. and Mrs. Pike decide to go to AC for the day; and I think the reason they can afford such a big house every year just realved itself; they’re fucking Danny and Tess Ocean!
Would explain SOOOO much!!!
With the parents gone; the girls are once again stuck with the zoo animal children. At least, Mary Anne is; Stacey’s still busy training for the Red Room of Pain. You know, I didn’t think it was possible to be dick-whipped without actually experincing the dick; but I guess I was wrong! Stacey says that Mary Anne is just jealous of her and that she’s upset that Stacey’s with Magic Mike and all she has is some ‘nerdy mother’s helper’. Uh…. Stacey? YOU ARE NOT WITH MAGIC MIKE; EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF THIS ‘REALTIONSHIP’ IS ALL IN YOUR FUCKING MIND!! JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE NOT LORNA MORELLO!! YOU WON’T GET OUR SYMPATHY, YOU AREN’T AS FUCKING AWESOME!!!
FOR YOU STACEY!!!
Stacey says that Mary Anne thinks she isn’t spending enough time DOING THE FUCKING JOB SHE WAS PAID TO DO; WATCH THE FUCKING KIDS!!! And how the Hell does Stacey excuse this fuckery? She says that it’s important for her to stand next to the lifeguard stand when the kids are in the water; and it’s not her fault that Magic talks to her and asks her for treats now and then. Stacey for you,
So during another long day of posing in front of the lifeguard stand; Magic asks Stacey if anyone ever told her she’s beautiful.
DUDE, SHE’S A FUCKING CHILD COMPARED TO YOU!! STOP FLIRTING WITH THE UNDERAGE GIRLS!!!
Of course, this almost leads to Stacey having a fucking heart attack because apparently we’re supposed to believe that only her parents ever called her beautiful. Excuse me a minute…
MY ASS NO ONE EVER CALLED HER BEAUTIFUL; MY COOKIE LOVING, PEPSI DRINKING ASS!!!
Then he starts to say more, but has to actually do his job for a second. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION PRINCESS? DO YOU SEE HOW HE DOES HIS FUCKING JOB; I MEAN SURE HE’S AN ASSHOLE, BUT HE DOES DO HIS FUCKING JOB!!! Stacey is desperate to know what he was gonna say, but he stumbles over his words before he tells her that she’s the greatest. She gets all ‘he wanted to say more, but he’s so shy’ about it; and I bet he was going to tell her that it was his and that other lifeguards anniversary or something, but decided not too or something. The rest of the time at the beach she tries to talk to Mary Anne and is ignored. Stacey even volunteers to get a soda for Mary Anne; but SHE WILL NOT BE FOOLED BY YOUR SODA, BITCH!!
Later on, Tess and Danny Mr. and Mrs. Pike come home in a great mood. I guess the heist worked again. They tell the girls that they can have the night off and GEE THANK YOU FOR ONE NIGHT OFF IN TWO WEEKS!! THANK YOU FOR WATCHING YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS FOR ONCE, YOU DUMB COW!!! YOU KNOW THE CHICK FROM THE NANNIE DIARIES HAD MORE FUCKING TIME OFF! Anyway; the parents give the girls off until ten o’clock and say that they join the family for dinner or whatever. Yea, joining those zoo animals you call children for dinner is totally DEFEATING THE FUCKING PURPOSE OF A NIGHT OFF!!!
Stacey tells Mary Anne not to be mad, they have FIVE whole hours together and I’m sorry, but that’s a shitty night off. It would’ve been better to give them another hour or two to get ready or something. And I know this has been talked about to death on this community but I have to comment on the next paragraph: ‘Mary Anne began to look a teeny bit interested. And by the time our bikinis were off, we had showered, and our boardwalk clothes were on, she was actually speaking to me.’ So, Mary Anne looks ‘interested’, the bikini’s come off; they shower and get dressed again. GOOD LORD….
WHO IN THE FUCK WROTE THAT PARAGRAPH? THEY HAD TO KNOW HOW IT SOUNDED; IT CAN’T BE JUST MY MIND IN THE GUTTER NOW!! IT FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE MARY ANNE GOT INTERESTED IN SOMETHING, THEY GOT NAKED AND SHOWERED TOGETHER AND HAD SOME NAKED FUN TIME!! WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS BECOME A PORN, THEY’RE CHILDREN YOU SICK FUCK!!!
MOVIN ON….
The girls get dressed; with Stacey thinking about all the hotties that would be on the boardwalk that night. Then we get OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS!!! Stacey has on ‘a white cotton vest over a pink cotton dress and a white floppy bow in her hair’, while Mary Anne borrows Stacey’s ‘yellow pedal pushers, a yellow and white striped tank top and an oversized white jacket.’ Now they’re ready to PARTY!!!!
They have hamburgers for dinner; after which Mary Anne eats some fudge and I really hope she did all those moans and lip smacking that stupid bitches do in movies when they eat. At least some yummy noises or something. Then they get souvenirs for the rest of the Cult; Mary Anne gets sun visors for K-Ron and Dawn and Stacey gets Claudia a T-Shirt with a cute surfer on it; she says that the surfer looks like Magic Mike. I hope after this; Claudia wore it all the time and Stacey was forced to stare at his ass all the time.
They hang around the boardwalk; playing games and decide to get on the Ferris Wheel where some asshole calls Stacey ‘cutie’ and she almost faints again. Stacey, you slut!! I thought you were in ‘LUV’ with Magic Mike. They get to the top of the wheel and that’s when bitch decides to buy Magic Mike a present. Now poor Mary Anne has to spend the rest of her night off watching Stacey try to pick out a gift for Magic. The choices are: a book about shells (the fuck?); a blue hat; or a T-Shirt with STACEY + SCOTT= LUV printed on it. (THE HOLY FUCK?) Then she decides to blow ten dollars on a huge box of chocolates. In the summer. In the heat. You are aware those things are melted into pudding now, right?
So, she gets all happy and goes to show Mary Anne who’s busy staring at something. As Stacey goes to look, Mary Anne is all ‘No’ about it and GUESS WHAT? NO REALLY GUESS, YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!!
MAGIC MIKE IS SUCKING FACE WITH A GIRL HIS OWN AGE!!!
So, to recap:
Mary Anne sees the face suckage going on and is all
About the whole thing. Then Stacey looks and sees Magic Mike making out with some random girl; who we guess is his girlfriend, and now Stacey is all butt hurt about the whole thing; when really she fantasized this whole damn relationship IN HER FUCKING HEAD AND NOW SHE’S OUT TEN DOLLARS AND SHE CAN’T EVEN EAT THE GODDAMN CANDY ANYWAY!!! SERVES HER ASS RIGHT!!!
Stacey practically throws the goddamn candy at Mary Anne, telling her that it’s her fucking prize for being right and walks away. Mary Anne leaves the candy on a bench and walks with her. My ass she left a box of candy on a park bench, my ass. Melted or not, I would have thrown the fucking thing in the freezer and ate them all in front of Stacey, just to make the bitch feel bad.
For you Stacey:
Chapter 11:
Mary Anne writes to Dawn that Stacy acted like a complete fucking hosebeast, but she feels bad for her after what happened with Magic. And don’t, Mary Anne because none of us fucking do!
Now Stacey doesn’t want to go to the beach where Magic is and fakes a headache to stay home. YOU FUCKING BITCH!!! BAD ENOUGH YOU IGNORED THE KIDS ALL FUCKING VACATION, BUT NOW YOU’RE LEAVING ALL OF THEM WITH MARY ANNE AGAIN!!! SUCK IT UP PRINCESS, LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS FUCKING FAIR YOU KNOW!!! Mary Anne tells her as much and instead of being sorry; Stacey flat out tells her that it isn’t a big deal because the nerdy guy will help her. SERIOUSLY BITCH? SERIOUSLY?
I HOPE YOU EAT A M&M AND DIE!! I HOPE YOUR BLEACHED BLONDE HAIR FALLS OUT!! I HOPE YOUR TAN MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE DONATELLA VERSACE BEFORE YOU HIT TWENTY!!! FUCK YOU!!!
Mary Anne tells Stacey that at least his ass is helping her, she’s left all the work to someone else. And Stacey says that she hasn’t. You know, I’M RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO TELL STACEY THAT SHE’S A BITCH AND SHOULD GO FUCK HERSELF!!! I ONLY HAVE SO MANY MEMES AND GIFS AND YOUTUBE VIDS IN MY ARESNAL!!!
Anyway, Mary Anne leaves with all the kids. Except for Byron who races back to keep Stacey company. They spend the day together and GUESS WHAT? Byron isn’t scared of the water at all; he just doesn’t like to go out too far. That’s fucking understandable, I hate that too! Stacey finally, FUCKING FINALLY realizes that Scott didn’t like her at all and GOOD FUCK-A-DEE HELL WOMAN, WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!!! She says that he was nice to her and she had fun with him.
SAY WHAT NOW? YOU HAD FUN BEING USED AS A SLAVE; FETCHING FOOD AND DRINK FOR A MAN WHO USED YOU? THAT’S HOW HE WAS NICE TO YOU?
I just can’t anymore with this fucking book, if it wasn’t almost over; I’d quit!!
Anyway, they go back to the beach and Byron and the kids play. Stacey FUCKING FINALLY feels bad a bit and everyone’s happy. OH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT STACEY; ‘BUT SCOTT AND I HAD COME APART.’ WHAT THE FUCK? YOU WERE NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER,EVER, EVER…..WITH HIM!!! ROSS AND RACHEL CAME APART ONCE, MCDREAMY AND MEREDITH CAME APART NOW, CALLIE AND ARIZONA, CHRISTINA AND BURKE, CLAIRE AND CHARLIE, AND SO ON… THEY ALL CAME APART BECAUSE THEY WERE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER TOGETHER!!! YOU AND SCOTT HAD NOTHING, YOU WERE HIS SANDWICH AND SODA FETCHER, WHICH MEANS YOU MEANT NOTHING TO HIM!!! YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN LINE TO BE HIS ANA STEELE; YOU WOULD’VE NEVER SEEN THE FUCKING RED ROOM OF PAIN EVER!!!
Chapters 12-13:
I’m gonna wrap this shit up quick and start consolidating chapters. Hope you don’t mind, it’s for all our sanity really.
Stacey’s in ‘LUV’ again, she met Toby, cousin of Alex; the boy who’s been helping Mary Anne the whole time. They hang out and talk, she ends up really liking him. That’s chapter 12 out of the way. I swear; they met, build castles with the kids, he tells a joke that I SOMEHOW fucked up trying to retell it when I was six and everyone’s happy.
The next chapter is DATE NIGHT!! That’s right, the girls have another night off and they’re spending it with the boys. I guess there really will be some playtime under the boardwalk, down by the motherfucking sea. The girls wear the same outfits as last time and go for hot dogs with the boys. After dinner, the group splits up and Toby and Stacey go to the boardwalk. Stacey wins a hat for Toby and he wins her a bear she names Toby-Bear and seriously….
You know, me and my husband have like a billion stuffed animals and we’re all cute like that, and EVEN I FUCKING GAGGED AT THAT!!!
Anyway, he also buys her a pink shell and they go on the ‘Tunnel of Love’ ride. I know this has been used countless fucking times in fiction, but is there really such a ride anywhere? I’ve never seen one, ever. Toby gives Stacey her first kiss and I call BULLSHIT on that!!! You can’t tell me a girl who they eventually had to make a book detailing all her past boyfriends coming back to cause trouble, NEVER WAS FUCKING KISSED BEFORE THAT MOMENT!! BULLSHIT!!!
CHAPTER 14-15:
The last day there, Claire wakes up Stacey AGAIN before the sun comes up and she’s fucking naked! SERIOUSLY GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WITH THE CREEPY VIBES COMING OFF THIS BOOK, I FEEL DIRTY READING IT!!! Turns out, Claire wanted her bathing suit to go to the beach and Stacey decides to take her for a walk WITHOUT LEAVING A NOTE FOR THE PARENTS IN CASE THEY WAKE UP AND NOTICE THEY’RE GONE!! GOOD JOB SPARKY!!! Then we get another sand written thing; this time substituting Toby’s name for Magic’s. I don’t fucking care, I really don’t.
Everyone gets their stuff together and the kids go to the beach afterwards. Great, a long ass car ride with everyone smelling funky, and no hope for a shower for hours. Great parenting assholes! Anyway, we learn that Mary Anne and Alex also went through the Tunnel of Love and does that mean Logan wasn’t her first kiss then? We never find out! The boys and the girls have a ‘sad’ goodbye and Stacey decides to talk to Magic Mike afterwards. Bitch finally figures out that he was using her and still thinks motherfucker really liked her. I would roll my eyes, but they hurt too bad from all the rolling before. They just say goodbye and even though we spend another two books at Sea City; we never hear from Magic again. Although he did do a sexy dance to say goodbye;
Everyone heads on out then, back to the land of Kool-Aid and stupidity.
Stacey goes home and her parents are happy to see her. Afterwards, she calls Mary Anne; who tells her that Alex and her exchanged something more than addresses on their date. I don’t like where this is going you guys; oh wait it was engraved rings. I would say AWWW…. But they’ve only known each other less than two weeks and they’re too young for something like that. They hang up and Stacey calls Claudia and tells all and that’s the end!!
FUCK THIS BOOK!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I LIKED IT FOR SO LONG, I GUESS I STILL DO A LITTLE; BUT GODDAMN!! I LITERALLY RAN OUT OF WAYS TO SAY FUCK YOU OR WAYS TO CALL SOMEONE A BITCH!!! I SWEAR; RIGHT NOW I’M LIKE:
I HAVE NOTHING ELSE LEFT TO SAY!
Except one thing, we all know who the original Magic Mike is!
RIP GUYS!!
I hope you enjoyed this! Next time on Book Club in Hell; we’re gonna be continuing the Sea City Trilogy with Mary Anne and Too Many Boys!! See you soon and Thank you for reading and commenting! Have a great weekend!
Hey folks, how is everyone enjoying the gorgeous weather today?! I got the windows open in my office/library and am sunbathing as I write! I see some new people commenting on my snarks and I thank you for reading and commenting; as well as my already loyal peeps!! You guys really freakin rock and are awesome, it really can’t be said enough how much I appreciate every wonderful comment you guys leave, THANK YOU!!!
Now, it’s time to wrap this crap up and move on to greener pastures! Or at least a better book with the exact same plot. Be prepared, it might get LOUD people!!!
Chapter 10:
Stacey writes to K-Ron in such fucking shorthand; I’m surprised she ever bothered writing her a fucking card in the first place. Especially since it was only to write that Byron is scared of the water and the kids are fine. I would ask why they have to write TWO postcards to K-Ron rather than just one together; but I already know Stacey would force that on Mary Anne, like everything else this trip.
Then Stacey writes to Claudia that the ‘most awful, humiliating thing in the world has happened.’ What did Magic find out you stuff your bikini top and that’s how you really fill it out so nicely? Did you catch him and that other lifeguard in a passionate embrace under the boardwalk, down by the motherfucking sea? No, she teases us with just what the fuck happened, but she does say that she feels like a giant twat and that Mary Anne tried to warn her about Magic Mike. Uh…. No she didn’t. She just said that he was too old for you and that he had his pick of college girl ass to choose from, and guess what Princess? HE TOTALLY FUCKING DOES AND IS WAY TOO FUCKING OLD FOR YOU!!! Stacey says that she ran out of room on the card and will send Claudia another with the rest of the story on it. What-the-fuck-ever.
Turns out that Stacey needed FOUR fucking postcards to tell Claudia the whole damn story. And no, I have no idea why Stacey couldn’t mail Claudia a whole LETTER or I dunno, CALL CLAUDIA ON THE FUCKING TELEPHONE!!! SERIOUSLY GIRLS; LOGIC LEARN YOU SOME!!! She says that what happened was completely unexpected, at least to her it was. That’s because you’re a massive dumbass!!! The rest of us already figured out what was gonna happen almost thirty fucking years ago; when most of us read the fucking thing!!!
So, the crew is at the halfway point of this little trip and Stacey’s having a blast!! Her hair is ‘two shades lighter’ (how the fuck is she explaining that one to Maureen?); she has a great tan and she already bought a brand new bikini, some Pepto-Bismol colored one with fucking palm trees and crap all over it. She snots that Mary Anne’s sunburn went away; but she has an awful tan, is as pink as that fucking bikini of hers and she stays covered up, under the umbrella at the beach. FUCK YOU PRINCESS; NOT EVERYONE CAN SIT IN THE SUN FOR HOURS OR FUCKING TAN, OK!!!! I BURN LIKE A GODDAMN HOT DOG IN THE SUN AND IT’S FUCKING PAINFUL!! WHO GIVES A DAMN IF MARY ANNE’S TAN SUCKS, AT LEAST SHE WON’T LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN LEATHER HANDBAG IN HER THIRTIES LIKE YOU WILL!!! FUCKING BITCH!!!
Stacey tells us that the diabeetus hasn’t even been acting up and that Maureen only called a couple to check up on her; plus the kids haven’t even been asking questions about her diet; and I’ll maintain what I said before: THEY DON’T FUCKING CARE!! THEY ARE JUST HAPPY THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO SHARE THE JUNK FOOD WITH ANOTHER PERSON!! Stacey says that she’s also happy because of Magic Mike; she sees him almost every day.
Mr. and Mrs. Pike decide to go to AC for the day; and I think the reason they can afford such a big house every year just realved itself; they’re fucking Danny and Tess Ocean!
Would explain SOOOO much!!!
With the parents gone; the girls are once again stuck with the zoo animal children. At least, Mary Anne is; Stacey’s still busy training for the Red Room of Pain. You know, I didn’t think it was possible to be dick-whipped without actually experincing the dick; but I guess I was wrong! Stacey says that Mary Anne is just jealous of her and that she’s upset that Stacey’s with Magic Mike and all she has is some ‘nerdy mother’s helper’. Uh…. Stacey? YOU ARE NOT WITH MAGIC MIKE; EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF THIS ‘REALTIONSHIP’ IS ALL IN YOUR FUCKING MIND!! JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE NOT LORNA MORELLO!! YOU WON’T GET OUR SYMPATHY, YOU AREN’T AS FUCKING AWESOME!!!
FOR YOU STACEY!!!
Stacey says that Mary Anne thinks she isn’t spending enough time DOING THE FUCKING JOB SHE WAS PAID TO DO; WATCH THE FUCKING KIDS!!! And how the Hell does Stacey excuse this fuckery? She says that it’s important for her to stand next to the lifeguard stand when the kids are in the water; and it’s not her fault that Magic talks to her and asks her for treats now and then. Stacey for you,
So during another long day of posing in front of the lifeguard stand; Magic asks Stacey if anyone ever told her she’s beautiful.
DUDE, SHE’S A FUCKING CHILD COMPARED TO YOU!! STOP FLIRTING WITH THE UNDERAGE GIRLS!!!
Of course, this almost leads to Stacey having a fucking heart attack because apparently we’re supposed to believe that only her parents ever called her beautiful. Excuse me a minute…
MY ASS NO ONE EVER CALLED HER BEAUTIFUL; MY COOKIE LOVING, PEPSI DRINKING ASS!!!
Then he starts to say more, but has to actually do his job for a second. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION PRINCESS? DO YOU SEE HOW HE DOES HIS FUCKING JOB; I MEAN SURE HE’S AN ASSHOLE, BUT HE DOES DO HIS FUCKING JOB!!! Stacey is desperate to know what he was gonna say, but he stumbles over his words before he tells her that she’s the greatest. She gets all ‘he wanted to say more, but he’s so shy’ about it; and I bet he was going to tell her that it was his and that other lifeguards anniversary or something, but decided not too or something. The rest of the time at the beach she tries to talk to Mary Anne and is ignored. Stacey even volunteers to get a soda for Mary Anne; but SHE WILL NOT BE FOOLED BY YOUR SODA, BITCH!!
Later on, Tess and Danny Mr. and Mrs. Pike come home in a great mood. I guess the heist worked again. They tell the girls that they can have the night off and GEE THANK YOU FOR ONE NIGHT OFF IN TWO WEEKS!! THANK YOU FOR WATCHING YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS FOR ONCE, YOU DUMB COW!!! YOU KNOW THE CHICK FROM THE NANNIE DIARIES HAD MORE FUCKING TIME OFF! Anyway; the parents give the girls off until ten o’clock and say that they join the family for dinner or whatever. Yea, joining those zoo animals you call children for dinner is totally DEFEATING THE FUCKING PURPOSE OF A NIGHT OFF!!!
Stacey tells Mary Anne not to be mad, they have FIVE whole hours together and I’m sorry, but that’s a shitty night off. It would’ve been better to give them another hour or two to get ready or something. And I know this has been talked about to death on this community but I have to comment on the next paragraph: ‘Mary Anne began to look a teeny bit interested. And by the time our bikinis were off, we had showered, and our boardwalk clothes were on, she was actually speaking to me.’ So, Mary Anne looks ‘interested’, the bikini’s come off; they shower and get dressed again. GOOD LORD….
WHO IN THE FUCK WROTE THAT PARAGRAPH? THEY HAD TO KNOW HOW IT SOUNDED; IT CAN’T BE JUST MY MIND IN THE GUTTER NOW!! IT FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE MARY ANNE GOT INTERESTED IN SOMETHING, THEY GOT NAKED AND SHOWERED TOGETHER AND HAD SOME NAKED FUN TIME!! WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS BECOME A PORN, THEY’RE CHILDREN YOU SICK FUCK!!!
MOVIN ON….
The girls get dressed; with Stacey thinking about all the hotties that would be on the boardwalk that night. Then we get OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS!!! Stacey has on ‘a white cotton vest over a pink cotton dress and a white floppy bow in her hair’, while Mary Anne borrows Stacey’s ‘yellow pedal pushers, a yellow and white striped tank top and an oversized white jacket.’ Now they’re ready to PARTY!!!!
They have hamburgers for dinner; after which Mary Anne eats some fudge and I really hope she did all those moans and lip smacking that stupid bitches do in movies when they eat. At least some yummy noises or something. Then they get souvenirs for the rest of the Cult; Mary Anne gets sun visors for K-Ron and Dawn and Stacey gets Claudia a T-Shirt with a cute surfer on it; she says that the surfer looks like Magic Mike. I hope after this; Claudia wore it all the time and Stacey was forced to stare at his ass all the time.
They hang around the boardwalk; playing games and decide to get on the Ferris Wheel where some asshole calls Stacey ‘cutie’ and she almost faints again. Stacey, you slut!! I thought you were in ‘LUV’ with Magic Mike. They get to the top of the wheel and that’s when bitch decides to buy Magic Mike a present. Now poor Mary Anne has to spend the rest of her night off watching Stacey try to pick out a gift for Magic. The choices are: a book about shells (the fuck?); a blue hat; or a T-Shirt with STACEY + SCOTT= LUV printed on it. (THE HOLY FUCK?) Then she decides to blow ten dollars on a huge box of chocolates. In the summer. In the heat. You are aware those things are melted into pudding now, right?
So, she gets all happy and goes to show Mary Anne who’s busy staring at something. As Stacey goes to look, Mary Anne is all ‘No’ about it and GUESS WHAT? NO REALLY GUESS, YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!!
MAGIC MIKE IS SUCKING FACE WITH A GIRL HIS OWN AGE!!!
So, to recap:
Mary Anne sees the face suckage going on and is all
About the whole thing. Then Stacey looks and sees Magic Mike making out with some random girl; who we guess is his girlfriend, and now Stacey is all butt hurt about the whole thing; when really she fantasized this whole damn relationship IN HER FUCKING HEAD AND NOW SHE’S OUT TEN DOLLARS AND SHE CAN’T EVEN EAT THE GODDAMN CANDY ANYWAY!!! SERVES HER ASS RIGHT!!!
Stacey practically throws the goddamn candy at Mary Anne, telling her that it’s her fucking prize for being right and walks away. Mary Anne leaves the candy on a bench and walks with her. My ass she left a box of candy on a park bench, my ass. Melted or not, I would have thrown the fucking thing in the freezer and ate them all in front of Stacey, just to make the bitch feel bad.
For you Stacey:
Click to viewChapter 11:
Mary Anne writes to Dawn that Stacy acted like a complete fucking hosebeast, but she feels bad for her after what happened with Magic. And don’t, Mary Anne because none of us fucking do!
Now Stacey doesn’t want to go to the beach where Magic is and fakes a headache to stay home. YOU FUCKING BITCH!!! BAD ENOUGH YOU IGNORED THE KIDS ALL FUCKING VACATION, BUT NOW YOU’RE LEAVING ALL OF THEM WITH MARY ANNE AGAIN!!! SUCK IT UP PRINCESS, LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS FUCKING FAIR YOU KNOW!!! Mary Anne tells her as much and instead of being sorry; Stacey flat out tells her that it isn’t a big deal because the nerdy guy will help her. SERIOUSLY BITCH? SERIOUSLY?
I HOPE YOU EAT A M&M AND DIE!! I HOPE YOUR BLEACHED BLONDE HAIR FALLS OUT!! I HOPE YOUR TAN MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE DONATELLA VERSACE BEFORE YOU HIT TWENTY!!! FUCK YOU!!!
Mary Anne tells Stacey that at least his ass is helping her, she’s left all the work to someone else. And Stacey says that she hasn’t. You know, I’M RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO TELL STACEY THAT SHE’S A BITCH AND SHOULD GO FUCK HERSELF!!! I ONLY HAVE SO MANY MEMES AND GIFS AND YOUTUBE VIDS IN MY ARESNAL!!!
Anyway, Mary Anne leaves with all the kids. Except for Byron who races back to keep Stacey company. They spend the day together and GUESS WHAT? Byron isn’t scared of the water at all; he just doesn’t like to go out too far. That’s fucking understandable, I hate that too! Stacey finally, FUCKING FINALLY realizes that Scott didn’t like her at all and GOOD FUCK-A-DEE HELL WOMAN, WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!!! She says that he was nice to her and she had fun with him.
SAY WHAT NOW? YOU HAD FUN BEING USED AS A SLAVE; FETCHING FOOD AND DRINK FOR A MAN WHO USED YOU? THAT’S HOW HE WAS NICE TO YOU?
I just can’t anymore with this fucking book, if it wasn’t almost over; I’d quit!!
Anyway, they go back to the beach and Byron and the kids play. Stacey FUCKING FINALLY feels bad a bit and everyone’s happy. OH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT STACEY; ‘BUT SCOTT AND I HAD COME APART.’ WHAT THE FUCK? YOU WERE NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER,EVER, EVER…..WITH HIM!!! ROSS AND RACHEL CAME APART ONCE, MCDREAMY AND MEREDITH CAME APART NOW, CALLIE AND ARIZONA, CHRISTINA AND BURKE, CLAIRE AND CHARLIE, AND SO ON… THEY ALL CAME APART BECAUSE THEY WERE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER TOGETHER!!! YOU AND SCOTT HAD NOTHING, YOU WERE HIS SANDWICH AND SODA FETCHER, WHICH MEANS YOU MEANT NOTHING TO HIM!!! YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN LINE TO BE HIS ANA STEELE; YOU WOULD’VE NEVER SEEN THE FUCKING RED ROOM OF PAIN EVER!!!
Chapters 12-13:
I’m gonna wrap this shit up quick and start consolidating chapters. Hope you don’t mind, it’s for all our sanity really.
Stacey’s in ‘LUV’ again, she met Toby, cousin of Alex; the boy who’s been helping Mary Anne the whole time. They hang out and talk, she ends up really liking him. That’s chapter 12 out of the way. I swear; they met, build castles with the kids, he tells a joke that I SOMEHOW fucked up trying to retell it when I was six and everyone’s happy.
The next chapter is DATE NIGHT!! That’s right, the girls have another night off and they’re spending it with the boys. I guess there really will be some playtime under the boardwalk, down by the motherfucking sea. The girls wear the same outfits as last time and go for hot dogs with the boys. After dinner, the group splits up and Toby and Stacey go to the boardwalk. Stacey wins a hat for Toby and he wins her a bear she names Toby-Bear and seriously….
You know, me and my husband have like a billion stuffed animals and we’re all cute like that, and EVEN I FUCKING GAGGED AT THAT!!!
Anyway, he also buys her a pink shell and they go on the ‘Tunnel of Love’ ride. I know this has been used countless fucking times in fiction, but is there really such a ride anywhere? I’ve never seen one, ever. Toby gives Stacey her first kiss and I call BULLSHIT on that!!! You can’t tell me a girl who they eventually had to make a book detailing all her past boyfriends coming back to cause trouble, NEVER WAS FUCKING KISSED BEFORE THAT MOMENT!! BULLSHIT!!!
CHAPTER 14-15:
The last day there, Claire wakes up Stacey AGAIN before the sun comes up and she’s fucking naked! SERIOUSLY GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WITH THE CREEPY VIBES COMING OFF THIS BOOK, I FEEL DIRTY READING IT!!! Turns out, Claire wanted her bathing suit to go to the beach and Stacey decides to take her for a walk WITHOUT LEAVING A NOTE FOR THE PARENTS IN CASE THEY WAKE UP AND NOTICE THEY’RE GONE!! GOOD JOB SPARKY!!! Then we get another sand written thing; this time substituting Toby’s name for Magic’s. I don’t fucking care, I really don’t.
Everyone gets their stuff together and the kids go to the beach afterwards. Great, a long ass car ride with everyone smelling funky, and no hope for a shower for hours. Great parenting assholes! Anyway, we learn that Mary Anne and Alex also went through the Tunnel of Love and does that mean Logan wasn’t her first kiss then? We never find out! The boys and the girls have a ‘sad’ goodbye and Stacey decides to talk to Magic Mike afterwards. Bitch finally figures out that he was using her and still thinks motherfucker really liked her. I would roll my eyes, but they hurt too bad from all the rolling before. They just say goodbye and even though we spend another two books at Sea City; we never hear from Magic again. Although he did do a sexy dance to say goodbye;
Everyone heads on out then, back to the land of Kool-Aid and stupidity.
Stacey goes home and her parents are happy to see her. Afterwards, she calls Mary Anne; who tells her that Alex and her exchanged something more than addresses on their date. I don’t like where this is going you guys; oh wait it was engraved rings. I would say AWWW…. But they’ve only known each other less than two weeks and they’re too young for something like that. They hang up and Stacey calls Claudia and tells all and that’s the end!!
FUCK THIS BOOK!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I LIKED IT FOR SO LONG, I GUESS I STILL DO A LITTLE; BUT GODDAMN!! I LITERALLY RAN OUT OF WAYS TO SAY FUCK YOU OR WAYS TO CALL SOMEONE A BITCH!!! I SWEAR; RIGHT NOW I’M LIKE:
I HAVE NOTHING ELSE LEFT TO SAY!
Except one thing, we all know who the original Magic Mike is!
RIP GUYS!!
I hope you enjoyed this! Next time on Book Club in Hell; we’re gonna be continuing the Sea City Trilogy with Mary Anne and Too Many Boys!! See you soon and Thank you for reading and commenting! Have a great weekend!