Karen's Sleepover (14-20)
Okay, I have a lot of free time on my Saturday. Let's get this snark over with.
Chapter 14
So Nancy makes her way to Karen's sleepover, in the middle of a thunderstorm, and I wonder why on Earth Mr. Dawes didn't just say "NO. I am not driving you down the street in a thunderstorm so you can appease Karen Brewer." The Dawes parents seem to be some of the more sane parents in Stoned Brook. Nancy was nice enough to bring a sleeping bag for Pamela because she heard she didn't have one, but Pamela clarifies that it's because she wants to sleep in a bed. So Nancy, being out of character as she has been through this entire book, calls her boring. I think Karen infected Nancy in this book, for real. Karen says it's time for ghost stories, so she gets Charlie to come in like the good little slave he is and entertain them all. He tells a really, really retarded story about some guy named "Buckethead," out for revenge for being called "Buckethead." And like the Wizard of Oz, they treat this like it's the most horrifying thing to have ever wormed its way into their poor feeble minds. Even Pamela goes along with this tomfoolery. Why didn't he just tell the story of Ben Brewer? Anyway, they all piss their pants and then there is a power outage, leading to more pants-pissing.
Chapter 15
Everyone screams and cries, and begs Charlie not to leave them when he decides to go and check the fuse box. Because what if the Wicked Witch of the West is cutting their power or some shit. Kristy comes bobbing down the hallway with a flashlight and Natalie screeches about Buckethead. Pamela calls her a wimp, despite also getting scared of that idiotic "Buckethead" story a few pages ago. It turns out there is a townwide blackout, and everyone starts sharing their stories about thunder. (Henry Hudson playing ninepins?) Kristy decides to tell them about cold fronts and warm fronts because the floor already has enough scared little girl urine all over it.
Chapter 16
The power turns back on and the girls get up to some cuh-raaaazy cartwheel-turning musical-puppy playing antics until Watson is like "Go the fuck to sleep." Shut up, Watson, at sleepovers we don't sleep, we pass out. xD Karen appeases the irritated party guests by saying they're only going to pretend to go to sleep, and then she has a secret surprise for them to do while everyone else is asleep. Karen snots about Pamela keeping up her hygenic practices when hygeine is supposed to go out the window at a sleepover or something. I dunno, if I'm going to be sleeping in a room full of other people, I'd WANT to keep up my hygeine first and foremost so they don't have to smell me or comment on my lack of teeth-brushing or hand-washing. Nancy offers her sleeping bag again, and Pamela politely declines, causing Karen to have to hold back a laugh. I'm very sorry that politeness and good hygeine are both cause for being mocked, Karen.
So Pamela gets to Karen's room, and then she does finally act like a genuine bitch about Karen's stuffed animal and blanket. She's just all "You still sleep with these BABY things?" and yeah, now would have been an actually justified time to go off on her. There's no need to go off on her about not liking the same foods, wanting to sleep comfortably in a bed instead of on the floor, or not finding the same things scary. But when you bring my stuffed animals/dolls/toys into this, it's fucking personal.
Chapter 17
While the girls attempt to stay up to midnight without passing out, Nancy decides to snark Pamela behind her back. Because as I said, Karen has infected her and she is therefore going to be a total bitch just like Karen throughout the entire book. Thankfully, it only lasts for one book. But then it turns out that the other girls DO like Pamela. Of course, Karen can't stand for this, so she performs mental gymnastics by saying "Well...they said they want to BE like Pamela, not that they actually LIKE Pamela." No, I'm pretty sure they don't give a flying fuck that she doesn't like pizza or sleeping on floors, so stfu and stfd. Nancy comes right out and calls Pamela a jerk, and the other girls seem just as surprised at her sudden bitchery as I am. Karen decides to change the subject by talking about everyone's scariest experiences. Natalie says hers is getting lost in Disneyworld. Um, excuse me, but I've always DREAMED of getting lost in Disneyworld. Running around bitchy-mother-free and doing whatever I wanted, seeing everything and doing everything without hearing a nasty complaint about it, meeting all the characters without my mom sighing and rolling her eyes when I hugged them, and then maybe possibly not being found until nightfall. Or y'know, ever. Getting lost in Disneyworld would be the best experience of my life xD But I'm 22 and she's 7, and both of my major trips to Disneyworld happened when I was a teen. So that's probably a major factor, haha.
So they stay up chattering until midnight hits, and Sara reminds Karen that she needs to get Pamela. Because Sara is considerate of other people. Pamela decides she's too fucking tired for this shit, so remains in bed and it turns out Karen's "secret surprise" is that they're gonna go downstairs and steal food out of the fridge. Because that totally won't be picked up on in the morning, even if they don't get caught now. 10 girls stealing food out of a fridge...it's GOING to be found out and then you can say goodbye to future sleepovers, Karen. But Karen's not the best critical thinker in the world despite being a so-called "child genius." So they go downstairs and initiate Operation: Raid Refrigerator.
Just as they make it to the fridge and Karen encourages them to steal all the food they want from her father's kitchen, Sam pops out of nowhere with a scary mask and a scary growl and now the kitchen floor is as urine-stained as the playroom floor. So, because of Sam the Food Bodyguard, Watson finds out and orders them all back to bed.
Chapter 18
Karen is a little disoriented the next morning, as she's not used to sleeping in a room with other people. I can get that. The only sleepover I ever had with someone who was not one of my soulbonds was unplanned, because my best friend was locked out of her house on New Years' Eve (her family was out partying it up, and she was at my house for the night). I woke up the next day all "Wtf, why are you on my floor...oh." Anyway, the girls wake up and the first thing Pamela does is tease Karen about her blanket and stuffed animal. Not cool, Pamela. Not cool. Watson sets up a picnic breakfast in the backyard. Nancy can't eat pork because of her family's Judaism. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be disrespectful of religions, but I think you should wait until the kid is GROWN ENOUGH TO DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES whether or not to impose the food restrictions. Give the kid a damn choice. I hate it when religious parents impose their religious practices upon their kids before they're even old enough to decide for themselves.
So, the girls leave one by one, and Karen says Pamela is "gigundo mean" and she doesn't want to be her friend. Except for teasing her about Moosie and Tickly, Pamela didn't do a single mean thing. She just didn't do what KAREN wanted her to do, and that makes Karen really fucking mean for bitching at her because of that. And at the girl's first real association with these girls, too. She's fucking NEW.
Chapter 19
Karen chats with the other Musketeers and decides they should become blood sisters, so now their blood-borne pathogens will forever be a part of eachother. But when it comes time, they decide needles are hella gross and so they're not gonna do it. Instead, they write up a "Three Musketeers Pact" and sign it. Aww, how cute, it's Karen's very first cult contract! And I'll bet her next will be when Kristy inaugurates her as the new leader of the BSC, and Karen forces all of her friends into that just like her "best big sister ever."
Chapter 20
I need to post Pamela's outfit, in the same way I need to post all of Claudia's: a bright green sweatshirt dress, black tights, and green pushdown socks with high-topped fringe mocassins. Pamela is truly the Claudia of Stoneybrook Academy. All the other girls are absolutely nuts over Pamela and Karen is just like "How the hell could they actually want to be friends with that disgusting creature?" Nancy, finally back in character again, says, "If they want to be friends with Pamela, then let them." It turns out Karen strong-armed Hannie and Nancy's parents into making copies of her cult pact. Yeah, it's cute now, but just wait. Karen even decides she should add "And vow to never be friends with Pamela Harding" to her pact, before Hannie and Nancy retain their sanity and talk her out of it. I will never cease to be amazed by just how much of a nasty little bitch Karen is.
So Karen goes on about how the girls must only like Pamela for her outfits, because they could never like the real Pamela if they knew how much of a bed-sleeping, pizza-rejecting scary movie critic she really was! They could NEVER like Pamela if they knew that she didn't like the same thngs Karen does, oh no! That's a deal-breaker! But Karen vows that Pamela will always be a disgusting creature and that she will always be the wonderful leader of the Three Musketeers mini-cult, and that is all that really matters!
These Karen snarks are bad for my blood pressure. I still can't believe I used to think she was a good kid when I was younger. And I still can't believe I used to be proud to be like her...well, until I found out that I was only like her because of some reasons that I most certainly am NOT proud of.
Chapter 14
So Nancy makes her way to Karen's sleepover, in the middle of a thunderstorm, and I wonder why on Earth Mr. Dawes didn't just say "NO. I am not driving you down the street in a thunderstorm so you can appease Karen Brewer." The Dawes parents seem to be some of the more sane parents in Stoned Brook. Nancy was nice enough to bring a sleeping bag for Pamela because she heard she didn't have one, but Pamela clarifies that it's because she wants to sleep in a bed. So Nancy, being out of character as she has been through this entire book, calls her boring. I think Karen infected Nancy in this book, for real. Karen says it's time for ghost stories, so she gets Charlie to come in like the good little slave he is and entertain them all. He tells a really, really retarded story about some guy named "Buckethead," out for revenge for being called "Buckethead." And like the Wizard of Oz, they treat this like it's the most horrifying thing to have ever wormed its way into their poor feeble minds. Even Pamela goes along with this tomfoolery. Why didn't he just tell the story of Ben Brewer? Anyway, they all piss their pants and then there is a power outage, leading to more pants-pissing.
Chapter 15
Everyone screams and cries, and begs Charlie not to leave them when he decides to go and check the fuse box. Because what if the Wicked Witch of the West is cutting their power or some shit. Kristy comes bobbing down the hallway with a flashlight and Natalie screeches about Buckethead. Pamela calls her a wimp, despite also getting scared of that idiotic "Buckethead" story a few pages ago. It turns out there is a townwide blackout, and everyone starts sharing their stories about thunder. (Henry Hudson playing ninepins?) Kristy decides to tell them about cold fronts and warm fronts because the floor already has enough scared little girl urine all over it.
Chapter 16
The power turns back on and the girls get up to some cuh-raaaazy cartwheel-turning musical-puppy playing antics until Watson is like "Go the fuck to sleep." Shut up, Watson, at sleepovers we don't sleep, we pass out. xD Karen appeases the irritated party guests by saying they're only going to pretend to go to sleep, and then she has a secret surprise for them to do while everyone else is asleep. Karen snots about Pamela keeping up her hygenic practices when hygeine is supposed to go out the window at a sleepover or something. I dunno, if I'm going to be sleeping in a room full of other people, I'd WANT to keep up my hygeine first and foremost so they don't have to smell me or comment on my lack of teeth-brushing or hand-washing. Nancy offers her sleeping bag again, and Pamela politely declines, causing Karen to have to hold back a laugh. I'm very sorry that politeness and good hygeine are both cause for being mocked, Karen.
So Pamela gets to Karen's room, and then she does finally act like a genuine bitch about Karen's stuffed animal and blanket. She's just all "You still sleep with these BABY things?" and yeah, now would have been an actually justified time to go off on her. There's no need to go off on her about not liking the same foods, wanting to sleep comfortably in a bed instead of on the floor, or not finding the same things scary. But when you bring my stuffed animals/dolls/toys into this, it's fucking personal.
Chapter 17
While the girls attempt to stay up to midnight without passing out, Nancy decides to snark Pamela behind her back. Because as I said, Karen has infected her and she is therefore going to be a total bitch just like Karen throughout the entire book. Thankfully, it only lasts for one book. But then it turns out that the other girls DO like Pamela. Of course, Karen can't stand for this, so she performs mental gymnastics by saying "Well...they said they want to BE like Pamela, not that they actually LIKE Pamela." No, I'm pretty sure they don't give a flying fuck that she doesn't like pizza or sleeping on floors, so stfu and stfd. Nancy comes right out and calls Pamela a jerk, and the other girls seem just as surprised at her sudden bitchery as I am. Karen decides to change the subject by talking about everyone's scariest experiences. Natalie says hers is getting lost in Disneyworld. Um, excuse me, but I've always DREAMED of getting lost in Disneyworld. Running around bitchy-mother-free and doing whatever I wanted, seeing everything and doing everything without hearing a nasty complaint about it, meeting all the characters without my mom sighing and rolling her eyes when I hugged them, and then maybe possibly not being found until nightfall. Or y'know, ever. Getting lost in Disneyworld would be the best experience of my life xD But I'm 22 and she's 7, and both of my major trips to Disneyworld happened when I was a teen. So that's probably a major factor, haha.
So they stay up chattering until midnight hits, and Sara reminds Karen that she needs to get Pamela. Because Sara is considerate of other people. Pamela decides she's too fucking tired for this shit, so remains in bed and it turns out Karen's "secret surprise" is that they're gonna go downstairs and steal food out of the fridge. Because that totally won't be picked up on in the morning, even if they don't get caught now. 10 girls stealing food out of a fridge...it's GOING to be found out and then you can say goodbye to future sleepovers, Karen. But Karen's not the best critical thinker in the world despite being a so-called "child genius." So they go downstairs and initiate Operation: Raid Refrigerator.
Just as they make it to the fridge and Karen encourages them to steal all the food they want from her father's kitchen, Sam pops out of nowhere with a scary mask and a scary growl and now the kitchen floor is as urine-stained as the playroom floor. So, because of Sam the Food Bodyguard, Watson finds out and orders them all back to bed.
Chapter 18
Karen is a little disoriented the next morning, as she's not used to sleeping in a room with other people. I can get that. The only sleepover I ever had with someone who was not one of my soulbonds was unplanned, because my best friend was locked out of her house on New Years' Eve (her family was out partying it up, and she was at my house for the night). I woke up the next day all "Wtf, why are you on my floor...oh." Anyway, the girls wake up and the first thing Pamela does is tease Karen about her blanket and stuffed animal. Not cool, Pamela. Not cool. Watson sets up a picnic breakfast in the backyard. Nancy can't eat pork because of her family's Judaism. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be disrespectful of religions, but I think you should wait until the kid is GROWN ENOUGH TO DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES whether or not to impose the food restrictions. Give the kid a damn choice. I hate it when religious parents impose their religious practices upon their kids before they're even old enough to decide for themselves.
So, the girls leave one by one, and Karen says Pamela is "gigundo mean" and she doesn't want to be her friend. Except for teasing her about Moosie and Tickly, Pamela didn't do a single mean thing. She just didn't do what KAREN wanted her to do, and that makes Karen really fucking mean for bitching at her because of that. And at the girl's first real association with these girls, too. She's fucking NEW.
Chapter 19
Karen chats with the other Musketeers and decides they should become blood sisters, so now their blood-borne pathogens will forever be a part of eachother. But when it comes time, they decide needles are hella gross and so they're not gonna do it. Instead, they write up a "Three Musketeers Pact" and sign it. Aww, how cute, it's Karen's very first cult contract! And I'll bet her next will be when Kristy inaugurates her as the new leader of the BSC, and Karen forces all of her friends into that just like her "best big sister ever."
Chapter 20
I need to post Pamela's outfit, in the same way I need to post all of Claudia's: a bright green sweatshirt dress, black tights, and green pushdown socks with high-topped fringe mocassins. Pamela is truly the Claudia of Stoneybrook Academy. All the other girls are absolutely nuts over Pamela and Karen is just like "How the hell could they actually want to be friends with that disgusting creature?" Nancy, finally back in character again, says, "If they want to be friends with Pamela, then let them." It turns out Karen strong-armed Hannie and Nancy's parents into making copies of her cult pact. Yeah, it's cute now, but just wait. Karen even decides she should add "And vow to never be friends with Pamela Harding" to her pact, before Hannie and Nancy retain their sanity and talk her out of it. I will never cease to be amazed by just how much of a nasty little bitch Karen is.
So Karen goes on about how the girls must only like Pamela for her outfits, because they could never like the real Pamela if they knew how much of a bed-sleeping, pizza-rejecting scary movie critic she really was! They could NEVER like Pamela if they knew that she didn't like the same thngs Karen does, oh no! That's a deal-breaker! But Karen vows that Pamela will always be a disgusting creature and that she will always be the wonderful leader of the Three Musketeers mini-cult, and that is all that really matters!
These Karen snarks are bad for my blood pressure. I still can't believe I used to think she was a good kid when I was younger. And I still can't believe I used to be proud to be like her...well, until I found out that I was only like her because of some reasons that I most certainly am NOT proud of.