Claudia and the New Girl! Part 2!
Are y'all ready? Ready for more sociopathic, cult behaviour? Because it's coming! Reading this I just can't get over how early Ann made the BSC seem like a bunch of mean, little bitches who are obsessed with everyone fitting their little moulds. This doesn't sound like a fun, caring group of friends. It sounds like people you should stay far away from. So, right from the start, Ann was a shitty writer. There's pretty much no part of this book that isn't awful. She's the Uwe Boll of literature. Not even Ed Wood. Fucking Uwe Boll. Anyway, let's go!
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
No! No, I'm not covering a totally unnecessary chapter about Jeff being a dirty little butt plug. Let's learn something instead!
Chapter 7!
Claudia...you're so dumb. Like really. Ann, don't go around saying Claudia only cares about art and then make her stupid about art. Ashley tells her 'I am an artist and my craft is calling' and Claudia has no idea what the means. She also doesn't know what an inanimate object is. And when Ashley says it's something 'not alive' Claudia thinks she mean corpses. I don't remember when I learned what an inanimate object was, but I was certainly younger than 13. Probably around the time I saw The Brave Little Toaster.
Ashley says they should go out in the field to look for inspiration and Claudia thinks she means a literal field. Doesn't she wonder about that? I mean, c'mon. SMS goes on half a million field trips a week and none of them are in actual fields. Does Claudia seriously pick up nothing? Anyway, she agrees to go. But she does tell Ashley she has to be home in time for the BSC meeting. Will that be important later?! Gee, I wonder!
After school, they go around downtown and Ashley wets herself over a fire hydrant. She spews some nonsense on how noble it is and I just...I dunno, guys. I just hate people like that. But I'm a total snob, so I don't mind if you disagree. Claudia gets all dumb about a traffic light and Ashley says she should sculpt that. They traipse around oohing and awing at literal trash and shit when Claudia realises she needs to go to the meeting. She explains to Ashley that she's needed at the club and that the BSC are her friends, and Ashley asks if she's her friend too. And I do feel bad for her because it's pretty obvious she's shy and has a hard time making friends.
Claudia feels bad for her too, so she calls Dawn to tell her she'll need to take over as VP. She even explains to Dawn that she's on a tight schedule and needs to pick a subject or she won't be able to enter the contest. Since that's something that's very important to Claud, Dawn says no problem. Ha! Just kidding! Instead she hangs up on her. 'Best Friends You'll Ever Have', don'tcha know! When Claudia does get home there's two notes waiting for her. One from MA saying she has a job with the Marshalls and one from K. Ron saying FYI, everyone at school thinks Ashley is weird. I always took this as an attack on Claudia's ego. K. Ron knows how important image is to her, so she pointed out that she's hanging around the 'weird' kid. Also, K. Ron? I'm pretty sure a good amount of SMS talks about you behind your back. About how you obsess over kids and smell like a monkey house. Because I know if a kid at my middle school didn't change her clothes for seven weeks, there'd be all kinds of nasty rumours about her. So in summation, shut your dirty trap.
Chapter 8!
Ann? Where did you go to school? Was it Hollywood Upstairs Literature College? Because when you have a story line about friends fighting, don't put in a sentence like 'Once we were all friends again'. It kinda kills the suspense. What led to this stupid line? Well, K. Ron wrote in the notebook that Claudia is a traitor who wants to be an 'artist'...Hold on, I need a moment.
Let me break this down a bit. First off, what is wrong with Claudia wanting to be an artist? You knew that since you've known her. This isn't some spur of the moment thing she decided. Second, you have noooo problem when she's churning out flier designs for your stupid club. You never think she's wasting her time for that art. Third, I know that you, you K. Ron, have missed meetings when you were running for student counsel. You were cutting into your time for something just the same as Claudia is doing now. Fourth, you take time out of what you could be spending baby-sitting to run the Krushers. This is your hobby. Something you do when you're free. If Claudia had a sitting job during meeting hours, you would think nothing of it. Of course, we know that's an impossible scenario because the parents of the 'Brook magically never have anything to do at meeting times. But it still stands to reason that if Claudia was doing some club based, you would have no problem with it. So, really it just seems like you just don't want her hanging around someone not in the club. And do you know what that makes you, K. Ron? An abusive fucking asshole.
Also, Stacey notes that Claudia used to be nice, but now she hangs around someone in 'bell bottom jeans'. *sigh* I need another moment. Okay, McGill. Bell bottom jeans are cute as Hell. I have a pair on my Amazon wish list right now with bells so big you could fit a body in them. Second, you have no Goddamned right to make fun of someone's fashion. You sacrificed that right the moment you put on a jumpsuit. And may I also point out, Claudia has not stopped being 'nice'. You guys are the ones shunning her for hanging around someone else. So, again. Shut your dirty mouth lest I cram a doughnut in it and kill you.
Little Miss Sensitive comments that Ashley is weird and stuck up...Hmm, I seem to recall something...now what was it? Oh, yeah! It was you! You being made to dress as your father said and people thinking you were a baby because of that! It suuuure does suck when people judge you by your clothes, doesn't it, Spier?! The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Even though she's a bitch, I do feel some for Stacey as she gets upset thinking Claudia has replaced her. That's actually realistic. But that's cut short by K. Ron snapping about 'Look what Claudia did!' Nice.
Chapter 9!
Speaking of hypocrisy, Claudia says that Ashley looks bizarre in her 'long, all-the-way-to-her-ankles dress with three rows of ruffles at the bottom. A strip of black cloth was tied around her head' at school the next day. Because maxi dresses are so unfashionable. Claudia calling the kettle Jessi is cut short as the BSC turns up and snot things up. They snot about Claud making it to a meeting and about Ashley's dress.
Ashley snots back that Claudia should spend more time on her art and baby-sitting is a big waste of time. Okay. Here's what I'm curious about. Why the Hell doesn't Claudia mention that baby-sitting helps pay for her art supplies? And her clothes which are a big part of who she is? Now I'm sure Ashley's parents pay for all her supplies but we know Claudia's parents (at least this early on) don't appreciate her art talent as much and she has to buy her own supplies. Frankly, if I was Claudia I would tell Ashley, 'Well, it must be nice having your parents pay for everything but I need my own income.' But then again, it would make Claud seem like she only baby-sits for money. Which is another thing. She enjoys sitting so why the Hell shouldn't she do it? She's kinda got both Ashley and the BSC guilty of wanting her to stick to their strict ideals. She should tell all of them to blow her.
Kristy snaps at her about whether she's quitting the club or not. Claudia is like no and good God. She missed one meeting. And again, she's nice enough to let you have your precious meetings when she's not even there. And I still don't know why they need everyone there for every damned meeting. They have to record book. They know when she's available. And since they're all bitches anyway, they're not even giving her jobs she's available to 'punish' her. Once the BSC makes it clear they're the Alpha bitches in Claud's life they beat feet. Ashley says 'Who needs friends when you have art?' Ashley, honey? Is that headband of yours a little tight? Because you're basically saying Claud should give up friends when you're her friend. Well, she is a hippie so...hashish.
At sculpting class, the teacher is trying to talk Ashley into doing something besides the hydrant. Something that always stuck out to me is that Claud says Ashley looks worried that the teacher will say she can't enter the hydrant. Why? Yes, it's unconventional but it's not like, obscene. Well, okay, if you're a little immature you can see some obscenity in a hydrant. It's got a helmet and it does spray. But since Ashley is a 'boring' person, I think we can safely say that her hydrant is exactly what it says on the tin. Maybe her teacher just thinks a hydrant isn't art. Hey! Maybe I'm the teacher!
She also says Claudia needs to decide on a subject soon or she'll run out of time. Claudia copies Ashley's answer that she wants to make a statement with her sculpture. Ashley tells her that she should sculpt a concept like 'love or peace or brotherhood'. And guess what happens? Claudia doesn't get it. Even as a kid I saw those sculptures of two swishes embracing and knew it meant love. They sold that shit at Macy's. Claudia tries to get Ashley to tell her exactly what to sculpt by saying 'How would you sculpt love?' To which Ashley answers 'With gentle curves and tender feelings.' But of course that hippie dippy gobbledygook is lost on Claud. Really, it's like Claudia hears the whole world in Simlish.
Chapter 10!
Okay, this is like the only time that I'll say Stacey has good reason to be mad and that Claudia did something really shitty. Stacey invited Claudia to go to the mall with her but Claudia said she had a lot of studying to do. Then Ashley invited Claudia to her house to check out her studio and talk over the show. Okay, I will say Claudia forgot but that's still a very important thing she forgot. I don't really see someone forgetting a thing like that. But she did, so she calls Dawn to tell her she needs to fill in for her. Dawn responds by making up...this...'poem'...
'Traitor, traitor.
Claudia - we hate ‘er!
Traitor, traitor.
So long, see you later!
Good-bye, Claudia.'
And that's pretty much the worst poem I've ever read. Worst than Stacey's love poem. Worst than anything a Vogon could come up with. Although Vogon sounds like vegan so Dawn would probably take that as a compliment. Also, how the Hell does Claudia know this? After they made up did Dawn say, 'Oh, Claudia, by the way. When we were mad at you I dreamt up the world's worst poem about how much you suck and that I hate you!' Ann, you're characters aren't Professor X. They can't read each others minds so stop having them read each others minds!
When Stacey gets to the meeting she is pissed beyond pissed at Claudia. She says she wants to raid Claudia's junk food which makes Dawn scream that 'Omg! You'll totally DIE!' Stacey says she can eat crackers or whatever and they all gleefully tear up Claud's room to find her snacks. And that Dawn makes 'a supreme sacrifice' by eating some too.
I hate Dawn so fucking much. I'm used to her giving up her 'beliefs' at the drop of a hat but here she's doing it purely to be a bitch. And then, when she eats some fucking marshmallows, she 'makes a big deal' of rinsing her mouth out. I reiterate. I FUCKING HATE DAWN! I can't even articulate how much I hate her for this. I'll just say I'm gonna throw a sex and drugs party when she's gets cavities anyway seeing as obsessively cleaning your teeth, especially right after you ate, weakens your teeth like a motherfuck.
They also decide to short sheet her bed, hide her junk food and leave mean notes all around her room. Because she's working on a non-club project with someone not in the BSC. If I was Claudia I couldn't say 'Fuck you, bitches, find a new club headquarters and phone number,' fast enough. And AGAIN! She's just spending time on her hobby! You know she has fucking art classes! You always fucking mention it when you bring up the record book! Rant incoming!
You know, all I can think about is Kristy's Big Day. Where fucking K. Ron the Everlasting signed them all up on a big fucking job, without asking their permission, and then said they might have to cancel doctor appointments and classes to fit her fucking schedule. And that, oh! She might have to skip out on the job, while still getting paid in full, from time to time for wedding stuff! Because it's perfectly fine for her to skip on responsibilities but God forbid a subordinate does it! And it's not like Claudia said, 'While I'm out, you bitches find somewhere else to hold your meetings.' She is being awful fucking nice and accommodating to you and your precious obsession, Kristin. Seriously. Fuck you. Fuck your club. Fuck Ann. Fuck Elizabeth for having that demon spawn. Fuck Kristy again. Fuck Ann quadruple because that's a hideous fucking way to have your protagonists acting. Fuck Scholastic. Fuck the printing press. Fuck fuck fuck!
Okay, that's out of my system. The BSC tries to get deep by wondering what Ashley wants from Claudia's friendship anyway. Gee, I dunno, Davey! Maybe...friendship?! Maybe because Claudia is the only one who isn't treating her like shit because of how she dresses?! Because they share an interest?! But noooo! They think Ashley is only interested in Claudia because she's a good artist! Well, she must not be a good friend! Because Heaven knows encouraging someone's talents makes you an awful person! And may I just ask something here?! What was Stacey's intentions in 'befriending' Tess?! Why! Was it to total change who she was and make her fit in to what Stacey approved of?! Why, yes! It fucking was! How totally different! I'm glad this chapter is over because I need to watch silly videos and draw cute things to remain sane.
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
No! No, I'm not covering a totally unnecessary chapter about Jeff being a dirty little butt plug. Let's learn something instead!
Click to viewChapter 7!
Claudia...you're so dumb. Like really. Ann, don't go around saying Claudia only cares about art and then make her stupid about art. Ashley tells her 'I am an artist and my craft is calling' and Claudia has no idea what the means. She also doesn't know what an inanimate object is. And when Ashley says it's something 'not alive' Claudia thinks she mean corpses. I don't remember when I learned what an inanimate object was, but I was certainly younger than 13. Probably around the time I saw The Brave Little Toaster.
Ashley says they should go out in the field to look for inspiration and Claudia thinks she means a literal field. Doesn't she wonder about that? I mean, c'mon. SMS goes on half a million field trips a week and none of them are in actual fields. Does Claudia seriously pick up nothing? Anyway, she agrees to go. But she does tell Ashley she has to be home in time for the BSC meeting. Will that be important later?! Gee, I wonder!
After school, they go around downtown and Ashley wets herself over a fire hydrant. She spews some nonsense on how noble it is and I just...I dunno, guys. I just hate people like that. But I'm a total snob, so I don't mind if you disagree. Claudia gets all dumb about a traffic light and Ashley says she should sculpt that. They traipse around oohing and awing at literal trash and shit when Claudia realises she needs to go to the meeting. She explains to Ashley that she's needed at the club and that the BSC are her friends, and Ashley asks if she's her friend too. And I do feel bad for her because it's pretty obvious she's shy and has a hard time making friends.
Claudia feels bad for her too, so she calls Dawn to tell her she'll need to take over as VP. She even explains to Dawn that she's on a tight schedule and needs to pick a subject or she won't be able to enter the contest. Since that's something that's very important to Claud, Dawn says no problem. Ha! Just kidding! Instead she hangs up on her. 'Best Friends You'll Ever Have', don'tcha know! When Claudia does get home there's two notes waiting for her. One from MA saying she has a job with the Marshalls and one from K. Ron saying FYI, everyone at school thinks Ashley is weird. I always took this as an attack on Claudia's ego. K. Ron knows how important image is to her, so she pointed out that she's hanging around the 'weird' kid. Also, K. Ron? I'm pretty sure a good amount of SMS talks about you behind your back. About how you obsess over kids and smell like a monkey house. Because I know if a kid at my middle school didn't change her clothes for seven weeks, there'd be all kinds of nasty rumours about her. So in summation, shut your dirty trap.
Chapter 8!
Ann? Where did you go to school? Was it Hollywood Upstairs Literature College? Because when you have a story line about friends fighting, don't put in a sentence like 'Once we were all friends again'. It kinda kills the suspense. What led to this stupid line? Well, K. Ron wrote in the notebook that Claudia is a traitor who wants to be an 'artist'...Hold on, I need a moment.
Let me break this down a bit. First off, what is wrong with Claudia wanting to be an artist? You knew that since you've known her. This isn't some spur of the moment thing she decided. Second, you have noooo problem when she's churning out flier designs for your stupid club. You never think she's wasting her time for that art. Third, I know that you, you K. Ron, have missed meetings when you were running for student counsel. You were cutting into your time for something just the same as Claudia is doing now. Fourth, you take time out of what you could be spending baby-sitting to run the Krushers. This is your hobby. Something you do when you're free. If Claudia had a sitting job during meeting hours, you would think nothing of it. Of course, we know that's an impossible scenario because the parents of the 'Brook magically never have anything to do at meeting times. But it still stands to reason that if Claudia was doing some club based, you would have no problem with it. So, really it just seems like you just don't want her hanging around someone not in the club. And do you know what that makes you, K. Ron? An abusive fucking asshole.
Also, Stacey notes that Claudia used to be nice, but now she hangs around someone in 'bell bottom jeans'. *sigh* I need another moment. Okay, McGill. Bell bottom jeans are cute as Hell. I have a pair on my Amazon wish list right now with bells so big you could fit a body in them. Second, you have no Goddamned right to make fun of someone's fashion. You sacrificed that right the moment you put on a jumpsuit. And may I also point out, Claudia has not stopped being 'nice'. You guys are the ones shunning her for hanging around someone else. So, again. Shut your dirty mouth lest I cram a doughnut in it and kill you.
Little Miss Sensitive comments that Ashley is weird and stuck up...Hmm, I seem to recall something...now what was it? Oh, yeah! It was you! You being made to dress as your father said and people thinking you were a baby because of that! It suuuure does suck when people judge you by your clothes, doesn't it, Spier?! The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Even though she's a bitch, I do feel some for Stacey as she gets upset thinking Claudia has replaced her. That's actually realistic. But that's cut short by K. Ron snapping about 'Look what Claudia did!' Nice.
Chapter 9!
Speaking of hypocrisy, Claudia says that Ashley looks bizarre in her 'long, all-the-way-to-her-ankles dress with three rows of ruffles at the bottom. A strip of black cloth was tied around her head' at school the next day. Because maxi dresses are so unfashionable. Claudia calling the kettle Jessi is cut short as the BSC turns up and snot things up. They snot about Claud making it to a meeting and about Ashley's dress.
Ashley snots back that Claudia should spend more time on her art and baby-sitting is a big waste of time. Okay. Here's what I'm curious about. Why the Hell doesn't Claudia mention that baby-sitting helps pay for her art supplies? And her clothes which are a big part of who she is? Now I'm sure Ashley's parents pay for all her supplies but we know Claudia's parents (at least this early on) don't appreciate her art talent as much and she has to buy her own supplies. Frankly, if I was Claudia I would tell Ashley, 'Well, it must be nice having your parents pay for everything but I need my own income.' But then again, it would make Claud seem like she only baby-sits for money. Which is another thing. She enjoys sitting so why the Hell shouldn't she do it? She's kinda got both Ashley and the BSC guilty of wanting her to stick to their strict ideals. She should tell all of them to blow her.
Kristy snaps at her about whether she's quitting the club or not. Claudia is like no and good God. She missed one meeting. And again, she's nice enough to let you have your precious meetings when she's not even there. And I still don't know why they need everyone there for every damned meeting. They have to record book. They know when she's available. And since they're all bitches anyway, they're not even giving her jobs she's available to 'punish' her. Once the BSC makes it clear they're the Alpha bitches in Claud's life they beat feet. Ashley says 'Who needs friends when you have art?' Ashley, honey? Is that headband of yours a little tight? Because you're basically saying Claud should give up friends when you're her friend. Well, she is a hippie so...hashish.
At sculpting class, the teacher is trying to talk Ashley into doing something besides the hydrant. Something that always stuck out to me is that Claud says Ashley looks worried that the teacher will say she can't enter the hydrant. Why? Yes, it's unconventional but it's not like, obscene. Well, okay, if you're a little immature you can see some obscenity in a hydrant. It's got a helmet and it does spray. But since Ashley is a 'boring' person, I think we can safely say that her hydrant is exactly what it says on the tin. Maybe her teacher just thinks a hydrant isn't art. Hey! Maybe I'm the teacher!
She also says Claudia needs to decide on a subject soon or she'll run out of time. Claudia copies Ashley's answer that she wants to make a statement with her sculpture. Ashley tells her that she should sculpt a concept like 'love or peace or brotherhood'. And guess what happens? Claudia doesn't get it. Even as a kid I saw those sculptures of two swishes embracing and knew it meant love. They sold that shit at Macy's. Claudia tries to get Ashley to tell her exactly what to sculpt by saying 'How would you sculpt love?' To which Ashley answers 'With gentle curves and tender feelings.' But of course that hippie dippy gobbledygook is lost on Claud. Really, it's like Claudia hears the whole world in Simlish.
Chapter 10!
Okay, this is like the only time that I'll say Stacey has good reason to be mad and that Claudia did something really shitty. Stacey invited Claudia to go to the mall with her but Claudia said she had a lot of studying to do. Then Ashley invited Claudia to her house to check out her studio and talk over the show. Okay, I will say Claudia forgot but that's still a very important thing she forgot. I don't really see someone forgetting a thing like that. But she did, so she calls Dawn to tell her she needs to fill in for her. Dawn responds by making up...this...'poem'...
'Traitor, traitor.
Claudia - we hate ‘er!
Traitor, traitor.
So long, see you later!
Good-bye, Claudia.'
And that's pretty much the worst poem I've ever read. Worst than Stacey's love poem. Worst than anything a Vogon could come up with. Although Vogon sounds like vegan so Dawn would probably take that as a compliment. Also, how the Hell does Claudia know this? After they made up did Dawn say, 'Oh, Claudia, by the way. When we were mad at you I dreamt up the world's worst poem about how much you suck and that I hate you!' Ann, you're characters aren't Professor X. They can't read each others minds so stop having them read each others minds!
When Stacey gets to the meeting she is pissed beyond pissed at Claudia. She says she wants to raid Claudia's junk food which makes Dawn scream that 'Omg! You'll totally DIE!' Stacey says she can eat crackers or whatever and they all gleefully tear up Claud's room to find her snacks. And that Dawn makes 'a supreme sacrifice' by eating some too.
I hate Dawn so fucking much. I'm used to her giving up her 'beliefs' at the drop of a hat but here she's doing it purely to be a bitch. And then, when she eats some fucking marshmallows, she 'makes a big deal' of rinsing her mouth out. I reiterate. I FUCKING HATE DAWN! I can't even articulate how much I hate her for this. I'll just say I'm gonna throw a sex and drugs party when she's gets cavities anyway seeing as obsessively cleaning your teeth, especially right after you ate, weakens your teeth like a motherfuck.
They also decide to short sheet her bed, hide her junk food and leave mean notes all around her room. Because she's working on a non-club project with someone not in the BSC. If I was Claudia I couldn't say 'Fuck you, bitches, find a new club headquarters and phone number,' fast enough. And AGAIN! She's just spending time on her hobby! You know she has fucking art classes! You always fucking mention it when you bring up the record book! Rant incoming!
You know, all I can think about is Kristy's Big Day. Where fucking K. Ron the Everlasting signed them all up on a big fucking job, without asking their permission, and then said they might have to cancel doctor appointments and classes to fit her fucking schedule. And that, oh! She might have to skip out on the job, while still getting paid in full, from time to time for wedding stuff! Because it's perfectly fine for her to skip on responsibilities but God forbid a subordinate does it! And it's not like Claudia said, 'While I'm out, you bitches find somewhere else to hold your meetings.' She is being awful fucking nice and accommodating to you and your precious obsession, Kristin. Seriously. Fuck you. Fuck your club. Fuck Ann. Fuck Elizabeth for having that demon spawn. Fuck Kristy again. Fuck Ann quadruple because that's a hideous fucking way to have your protagonists acting. Fuck Scholastic. Fuck the printing press. Fuck fuck fuck!
Okay, that's out of my system. The BSC tries to get deep by wondering what Ashley wants from Claudia's friendship anyway. Gee, I dunno, Davey! Maybe...friendship?! Maybe because Claudia is the only one who isn't treating her like shit because of how she dresses?! Because they share an interest?! But noooo! They think Ashley is only interested in Claudia because she's a good artist! Well, she must not be a good friend! Because Heaven knows encouraging someone's talents makes you an awful person! And may I just ask something here?! What was Stacey's intentions in 'befriending' Tess?! Why! Was it to total change who she was and make her fit in to what Stacey approved of?! Why, yes! It fucking was! How totally different! I'm glad this chapter is over because I need to watch silly videos and draw cute things to remain sane.