Boy Crazy Stacey Part Three
So, if any of you like what I’m doing here, I’ll be snarking non BSC books over on my journal (first one up: The Devil Wears Prada. I haaate that book). Like, comment and subscribe! Shoot, that’s not it. Anyway, I’m also shilling my next snark on here at the end of this thing. Thanks to all you lovely, lovely people who commented and laughed. The comments were funnier than my snark!
Before we begin, I’m going to make a quick list of people who need to sit the fuck down, and by the end of the snark, I’m going back to see if they were put in their place.
1. Young Goodman Pike and Goody Pike- Seriously, lay off the booze and “colonial reenactments” and watch your kids. Damn baby factory.
2. Scott- Please collect your things, and go to the Stoneybrook Inappropriate Crush Center with Travis, and Georgio. You will be shaved and decontaminated. Then set on fire.
3. Stacey- remember that brain you got on loan from the stem cell research lab? Call them up and ask if instead of a normal brain, you got Abby Normal instead. Also, apologize to Mary Anne. You owe her a new bikini, a kitten, and a hug. Bitch.
4. Margo/Karen- both of you are turds. I hope someone knocks your heads together. I also hope that someone is me. But I’m not picky.
5. That dog who growled at Louie.
Mary Anne writes a card to Dawn and she confesses Stacey’s still a pain in the butt, and that she’s getting a new bikini. Like with Kristy, she set her card to self-destruct after Dawn reads the letter. I’m glad Mary Anne has somebody to vent to, because her friend that’s there is completely useless.
Chapter 11
Stacey whines to Mrs. Pike that she’s got a headache and she wants to stay home, and MA meekly says “Sure”. But out of Mrs. Pike’s earshot, Mary Anne lays the smackdown, and it’s AWESOME. “Thanks for sticking me with the kids again. You know, last night you dragged me to about a million stores looking for a present for Scott [unsaid- “Why not meeeeeeee?”]. And when you saw him with that girl, you practically blamed me. You are so rude. The least you could do is apologize.” I have no idea why Stacey said that Mary Anne was shy and Stacey was “straightforward”. Stacey’s so full of shit, her eyes are turning brown. Stacey mumbles a halfhearted apology, but Mary Anne calls bull and says she knows Stacey can’t handle seeing Scott and that’s the cause of her ‘headache’. Keep it up, MA, and I won’t have to snark anymore. Stacey fails at arguing by bringing up Alex the mother’s helper Mary Anne befriended, and calling him nerdy. At least he’s Mary Anne’s age and helping her with her JOB. You know, that thing the Pikes are paying you to do? At the rate Stacey’s going, I’m surprised she didn’t out and out lie and say her diabeetus was acting up. Boo, you whore.
And I thought I couldn’t find a GIF to express Stacey’s reaction.
Even dumber yet, Stacey practically ADMITS she’s fine, she just doesn’t want to work. Mary Anne, you don’t have to put up with this. Tell Stacey that she’s helping out, or she’s in huge trouble. She might call you a bitch and some other choice words you’ve never heard of, but she’ll only have herself to blame. Great, now that Chicago song is now in my head: “If you had been there! If you had seen it! I’m sure you would’ve done the same! Pop! Six! Squish! Cicero!” At the rate she’s going, I’d be surprised Stacey doesn’t “accidentally” fall on Mary Anne’s knife about, oh, a million times. While she’s asleep. And Mary Anne would be acquitted.
Byron wants to stay home with Stacey while everyone else is at the beach, and after they find an inlet, he admits that he doesn’t like waves or not seeing the bottom of the water he’s swimming in. How far out is he going that he’s encountering real waves and he can’t see the ground? I myself don’t go deeper than waist high in the ocean, and I don’t swim. I wade. Because I’m still afraid of sharks I don’t want to get carried out by a riptide.
While Byron plays, Stacey realizes that *of course* she and Scott weren’t together, he never took her out to the movies or anything that showed commitment on his part, but he was “fun” and he just gave her his whistle to blow on. Hey, now you’re getting the idea of what a back alley quickie really means! No attachments, no problems! Unfortunately, Stacey says she’ll treasure Scott’s whistle forever. Uh, you can’t keep it, Stacey. It’s attached to him. He doesn’t have a Mr. Potato Head dick. Oh, wait, I get it, it’s his lifeguard whistle.
Stacey, in one of her first shows of honesty so far, admits that’s she’s too embarrassed to see Scott ever again. If it were me, I’d be all casual and say “Hey, I ran into your girlfriend the other day. She seems nice. We had a long chat about guys who call twelve year olds “cutie” and “love” and make them get them a soda. I don’t think she was too happy about that.” Instead, she observantly comments that the other girls he was hitting on will just pick up where Stacey left off. The fact she stole his whistle will only add to the challenge. I wonder why Stacey doesn’t expand on this, though, and maybe realize that there’s something wrong with Scott, and perhaps look at guys she meets in the future similarly, like Mr. Ellenburg. It’s as if when she enters the time warp, her memory gets wiped clean over and over.
Stacey meets up with MA and the Pike kids, and resolves to do better. She kind of cancels it out, though, because she snots that “Alex, or whatever his name was” was nice and sweet to Mary Anne. Dumbass, the right thing to do is say “Hi, I’m Stacey. I’m a friend of Mary Anne. What’s your name?” Stacey apologizes again, which is a great place to start, but you know what would be a true show of goodwill? Say, “Hey, you covered for me, and the Pikes are still here, why don’t you do something on your own for a while? I’m sure you’re tired”. Eh, that’s too hard. Stacey would rather blubber that she and Mary Anne “were together again, but Scott and I had come apart.” That’s a pretty weird comparison, unless Stacey’s saying she and Mary Anne had a romantic history. And get real. You and Scott were never together. Does Taylor Swift need to spell it out for you? You, were never ever ever, really together!
Chapter 12
Well, give credit where credit is due, I guess. Stacey’s old heart is pretty resilient, and she’s in luv. Scratch that, she’s in LUV. Stacey’s still bummed Scott calls other girls cutie and beautiful, and Scott, you’re a skeeze. You can go shave your back now. Bye!
Hey, remember how you held your breath for somebody to discipline a child in this book? And then you passed out from lack of air? Great news, you can breathe again! The bad news is Claire sucks. Claire calls a little boy “stupid silly billy goo goo” until he bursts into tears. Stacey yells her name, and tells her to sit the fuck down on the towel, and apologize. Claire doesn’t mean her apology, but she doesn’t want Stacey to open up a can of whoopass, so she takes her timeout without so much as a “nofe air”. Now where was this Stacey when Margo was being a shit to that poor bastard at minigolf? Oh, right, right, Scott and twu luv and shit. You know, people often mistake twu luv for “To bluff!”
Stacey even takes the crying boy back to Alex and explains what happened. Now I kind of want her to straighten Karen out.
Damn, just when I thought there might be a good babysitter in Stoneybrook, it turns out it was a plot device for Stacey to meet Toby, Alex’s cousin. Toby’s cute, according to Stacey, but he’s also wearing a headband. It’s almost like Stacey has bad taste in guys or something. At least this one is her age. Stacey mumbles that she has to get back to Claire, and cuts the meeting short. Claire would be sitting there a lot longer if I were babysitting. Hell, I’d take her back to her parents and say “Hey, your kid is a budding sociopath, and maybe you might want to address that?” Ten minutes is a long time out for general annoying brattiness, but it’s waaay too short for bullying. Mutual name calling is a common enough sin, but Claire admitted that she had no real reason to pick on this kid other than “I’m in a bad mood”.
Stacey, you did good, trying nip that shit in the bud before she learns more, shall we say, subtle and more damaging methods of cruelty. There has never been one bully that I’ve met that hasn’t been consistently abusing others since grammar school, because it takes practice to scout victims, hone insults, and effectively hide their behavior, or find likeminded brethren. I myself think bullying is such a huge problem today because of Alex’s mindset, which is “No problem, kids are always teasing each other”. Kids will tease each other, but it’s not “no problem”. Karen also has this issue, I believe, and she gets ruder and more aggressive every time a sitter or Watson lets it slide. You’d think Stacey, who was personally victimized by Laine Cummings, would have more to say on the matter. For once, I wish she’d moralize a bit. It might be out of her comfort zone, but if she can pull off a reverse cowboy, she can do anything.
Now it’s time to get the official BSC rundown of Toby’s personality. Unlike Scott, whose two traits were “hunk” and “skeeze”, Toby tells jokes, likes math, doesn’t ogle girls while he’s talking to Stacey (oh, come on, that’s like saying “Congratulations! Your new home isn’t infested with tarantulas”), and best of all, he’s older (fourteen), without being too old. If he was old enough to shave, Stacey would have to worry about whisker burn and hickeys. There’s one catch, though. If you were to hook Toby’s sense of humor to a heart monitor, it would flatline. When he tells jokes in a haunted house, he not only re-kills the ghosts, but also the ghostbusters. What I’m saying is that Toby not only has no sense of humor, he’s taken the idea of jokes and is driving in reverse. To give you an idea, he tells this joke to Stacey:
Toby: There’s this guy named Al with a terminal illness. He’s got one last wish.
Stacey: That’s awful! I have a lot of medical issues, but I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be that sick! What’s his last wish?
Toby: He wanted a city named after him.
Stacey: That’s cute, but there’s no city named Al.
Toby: Yeah, I know. His last name was Burquerque. Get it? Al-burquerque? Like New Mexico?
Stacey: I think that joke was rejected for a Popsicle stick. If you tell another joke in my presence, I’ll do to myself what Klaus did to Sunny Von Bulow.
Chapter 13
It’s their last night at Sea City, and Mrs. Pike benevolently decided to give the girls the night off. They’re mother’s helpers, not mother’s slaves. The only upside of Mrs. Pike dumping her children on Mary Anne and Stacey around the clock is that it’s prevented Stacey from getting pregnant. There might still be time, though, because Stacey set up a double date with Mary Anne and Toby. I think that’s called a ménage a trois, hon. If Stacey really did get pregnant, she’d have enough time to go on Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer and Maury before they could complete all the paternity tests. Stacey says Mary Anne should ask Alex out, and MA says she can’t, because girls don’t do that. I know Richard’s strict, but I didn’t know he was sexist, too. What’s interesting is that later in the series, all of the girls have a hive mind of PC beliefs (and I’m pretty PC myself in real life) and get incredibly moralistic when somebody veers from that. I guess this is still back when Ann realized that showing was better than saying. I wonder when she lost that ability. I think it might have been when they added Jessi.
Mary Anne, once again proving that she’s more straightforward than Stacey, asks Alex out, and Stacey says she “looked smug”. That look is called “confidence” and “having dignity”. Stace, don’t hate because you couldn’t ask a boy out without putting out first. As it was, she’s lucky Toby agreed to go with her on the promise she’d do him halfway through dinner. You laugh, but I’m serious. Stacey says she asks MA if she can run off with Toby to “keep Mary Anne’s eyes off the hot dogs”. I guess the three way was set for Toby and Alex, not Stacey and Mary Anne. Whatever raises the flagpole! Toby and Stacey run off to the boardwalk (“Under the boardwalk, down by the sea…”) to make out, and Stacey will treasure “her first kiss” forever. Don’t be coy, Stacey.
Swim, little fishie!
Chapter 14/15
Last chapters! They’re so short and full of filler, I combined them. Stacey and co are sad to leave Sin City, and Stacey waxes poetic about her “first kiss” and talks to Scott again, who creepily calls her “babe” and “love”. Stacey, you don’t have to be nice to him. In fact, I strongly recommend you do the opposite, and tell him why you avoided him, which is because you realized he only wanted an errand girl. MA cries when she says goodbye to Alex, and Stacey tells her to get it together. In chapter 15, MA APOLOGIZES to Stacey for “giving her a hard time about Scott”. You know, I thought this book had a moral (it was executed horribly, but it had a fairly straightforward theme). It turns out, there was no guiding principle or message! Screw it!
I said SCREW IT!
Yeah, there’s more to talk about, like the Claud phone call, or more rehashing of the plot, to Claudia, which is fair enough, because she’s her BFF, but MA? She was there! It just happened! You don’t have to tell us shit we already saw!
Screw it again, Stacey! You haven’t fucked that dead horse enough!
Wait, I have to see if everyone who needed to STFD did, in fact, take their seat.
1. Mr. and Mrs. Pike- no. Now emboldened by using slave labor, they’re going to pass off mommy duty to Mallory, because she was a “big help on this trip”. Stale.
2. Scott- also learned nothing about calling impressionable girls creepy pet names. I foresee him getting on a sex offender list in the near future. Now, that would have been a great ending! “Sea City lifeguard held without bail, more at 11!” My made up ending- Dibble.
3. Stacey- kind of, ish. I mean, technically, she learned that if you give up on a hot lifeguard and do your job, the universe will reward you with a slightly younger boyfriend. Also, if you apologize to your friend, she’s obligated to apologize back, even if you were the one wearing your ass like a hat. Stale.
4. Margo and Karen- We can add Claire to that list. Stale.
5. The dog who was mean to Louie- stale.
So, given all the shit Stacey gave Mary Anne, I decided to follow in her footsteps and snark… Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic!
Before we begin, I’m going to make a quick list of people who need to sit the fuck down, and by the end of the snark, I’m going back to see if they were put in their place.
1. Young Goodman Pike and Goody Pike- Seriously, lay off the booze and “colonial reenactments” and watch your kids. Damn baby factory.
2. Scott- Please collect your things, and go to the Stoneybrook Inappropriate Crush Center with Travis, and Georgio. You will be shaved and decontaminated. Then set on fire.
3. Stacey- remember that brain you got on loan from the stem cell research lab? Call them up and ask if instead of a normal brain, you got Abby Normal instead. Also, apologize to Mary Anne. You owe her a new bikini, a kitten, and a hug. Bitch.
4. Margo/Karen- both of you are turds. I hope someone knocks your heads together. I also hope that someone is me. But I’m not picky.
5. That dog who growled at Louie.
Mary Anne writes a card to Dawn and she confesses Stacey’s still a pain in the butt, and that she’s getting a new bikini. Like with Kristy, she set her card to self-destruct after Dawn reads the letter. I’m glad Mary Anne has somebody to vent to, because her friend that’s there is completely useless.
Chapter 11
Stacey whines to Mrs. Pike that she’s got a headache and she wants to stay home, and MA meekly says “Sure”. But out of Mrs. Pike’s earshot, Mary Anne lays the smackdown, and it’s AWESOME. “Thanks for sticking me with the kids again. You know, last night you dragged me to about a million stores looking for a present for Scott [unsaid- “Why not meeeeeeee?”]. And when you saw him with that girl, you practically blamed me. You are so rude. The least you could do is apologize.” I have no idea why Stacey said that Mary Anne was shy and Stacey was “straightforward”. Stacey’s so full of shit, her eyes are turning brown. Stacey mumbles a halfhearted apology, but Mary Anne calls bull and says she knows Stacey can’t handle seeing Scott and that’s the cause of her ‘headache’. Keep it up, MA, and I won’t have to snark anymore. Stacey fails at arguing by bringing up Alex the mother’s helper Mary Anne befriended, and calling him nerdy. At least he’s Mary Anne’s age and helping her with her JOB. You know, that thing the Pikes are paying you to do? At the rate Stacey’s going, I’m surprised she didn’t out and out lie and say her diabeetus was acting up. Boo, you whore.
And I thought I couldn’t find a GIF to express Stacey’s reaction.
Even dumber yet, Stacey practically ADMITS she’s fine, she just doesn’t want to work. Mary Anne, you don’t have to put up with this. Tell Stacey that she’s helping out, or she’s in huge trouble. She might call you a bitch and some other choice words you’ve never heard of, but she’ll only have herself to blame. Great, now that Chicago song is now in my head: “If you had been there! If you had seen it! I’m sure you would’ve done the same! Pop! Six! Squish! Cicero!” At the rate she’s going, I’d be surprised Stacey doesn’t “accidentally” fall on Mary Anne’s knife about, oh, a million times. While she’s asleep. And Mary Anne would be acquitted.
Byron wants to stay home with Stacey while everyone else is at the beach, and after they find an inlet, he admits that he doesn’t like waves or not seeing the bottom of the water he’s swimming in. How far out is he going that he’s encountering real waves and he can’t see the ground? I myself don’t go deeper than waist high in the ocean, and I don’t swim. I wade. Because I’m still afraid of sharks I don’t want to get carried out by a riptide.
While Byron plays, Stacey realizes that *of course* she and Scott weren’t together, he never took her out to the movies or anything that showed commitment on his part, but he was “fun” and he just gave her his whistle to blow on. Hey, now you’re getting the idea of what a back alley quickie really means! No attachments, no problems! Unfortunately, Stacey says she’ll treasure Scott’s whistle forever. Uh, you can’t keep it, Stacey. It’s attached to him. He doesn’t have a Mr. Potato Head dick. Oh, wait, I get it, it’s his lifeguard whistle.
Stacey, in one of her first shows of honesty so far, admits that’s she’s too embarrassed to see Scott ever again. If it were me, I’d be all casual and say “Hey, I ran into your girlfriend the other day. She seems nice. We had a long chat about guys who call twelve year olds “cutie” and “love” and make them get them a soda. I don’t think she was too happy about that.” Instead, she observantly comments that the other girls he was hitting on will just pick up where Stacey left off. The fact she stole his whistle will only add to the challenge. I wonder why Stacey doesn’t expand on this, though, and maybe realize that there’s something wrong with Scott, and perhaps look at guys she meets in the future similarly, like Mr. Ellenburg. It’s as if when she enters the time warp, her memory gets wiped clean over and over.
Stacey meets up with MA and the Pike kids, and resolves to do better. She kind of cancels it out, though, because she snots that “Alex, or whatever his name was” was nice and sweet to Mary Anne. Dumbass, the right thing to do is say “Hi, I’m Stacey. I’m a friend of Mary Anne. What’s your name?” Stacey apologizes again, which is a great place to start, but you know what would be a true show of goodwill? Say, “Hey, you covered for me, and the Pikes are still here, why don’t you do something on your own for a while? I’m sure you’re tired”. Eh, that’s too hard. Stacey would rather blubber that she and Mary Anne “were together again, but Scott and I had come apart.” That’s a pretty weird comparison, unless Stacey’s saying she and Mary Anne had a romantic history. And get real. You and Scott were never together. Does Taylor Swift need to spell it out for you? You, were never ever ever, really together!
Chapter 12
Well, give credit where credit is due, I guess. Stacey’s old heart is pretty resilient, and she’s in luv. Scratch that, she’s in LUV. Stacey’s still bummed Scott calls other girls cutie and beautiful, and Scott, you’re a skeeze. You can go shave your back now. Bye!
Hey, remember how you held your breath for somebody to discipline a child in this book? And then you passed out from lack of air? Great news, you can breathe again! The bad news is Claire sucks. Claire calls a little boy “stupid silly billy goo goo” until he bursts into tears. Stacey yells her name, and tells her to sit the fuck down on the towel, and apologize. Claire doesn’t mean her apology, but she doesn’t want Stacey to open up a can of whoopass, so she takes her timeout without so much as a “nofe air”. Now where was this Stacey when Margo was being a shit to that poor bastard at minigolf? Oh, right, right, Scott and twu luv and shit. You know, people often mistake twu luv for “To bluff!”
Stacey even takes the crying boy back to Alex and explains what happened. Now I kind of want her to straighten Karen out.
Damn, just when I thought there might be a good babysitter in Stoneybrook, it turns out it was a plot device for Stacey to meet Toby, Alex’s cousin. Toby’s cute, according to Stacey, but he’s also wearing a headband. It’s almost like Stacey has bad taste in guys or something. At least this one is her age. Stacey mumbles that she has to get back to Claire, and cuts the meeting short. Claire would be sitting there a lot longer if I were babysitting. Hell, I’d take her back to her parents and say “Hey, your kid is a budding sociopath, and maybe you might want to address that?” Ten minutes is a long time out for general annoying brattiness, but it’s waaay too short for bullying. Mutual name calling is a common enough sin, but Claire admitted that she had no real reason to pick on this kid other than “I’m in a bad mood”.
Stacey, you did good, trying nip that shit in the bud before she learns more, shall we say, subtle and more damaging methods of cruelty. There has never been one bully that I’ve met that hasn’t been consistently abusing others since grammar school, because it takes practice to scout victims, hone insults, and effectively hide their behavior, or find likeminded brethren. I myself think bullying is such a huge problem today because of Alex’s mindset, which is “No problem, kids are always teasing each other”. Kids will tease each other, but it’s not “no problem”. Karen also has this issue, I believe, and she gets ruder and more aggressive every time a sitter or Watson lets it slide. You’d think Stacey, who was personally victimized by Laine Cummings, would have more to say on the matter. For once, I wish she’d moralize a bit. It might be out of her comfort zone, but if she can pull off a reverse cowboy, she can do anything.
Now it’s time to get the official BSC rundown of Toby’s personality. Unlike Scott, whose two traits were “hunk” and “skeeze”, Toby tells jokes, likes math, doesn’t ogle girls while he’s talking to Stacey (oh, come on, that’s like saying “Congratulations! Your new home isn’t infested with tarantulas”), and best of all, he’s older (fourteen), without being too old. If he was old enough to shave, Stacey would have to worry about whisker burn and hickeys. There’s one catch, though. If you were to hook Toby’s sense of humor to a heart monitor, it would flatline. When he tells jokes in a haunted house, he not only re-kills the ghosts, but also the ghostbusters. What I’m saying is that Toby not only has no sense of humor, he’s taken the idea of jokes and is driving in reverse. To give you an idea, he tells this joke to Stacey:
Toby: There’s this guy named Al with a terminal illness. He’s got one last wish.
Stacey: That’s awful! I have a lot of medical issues, but I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be that sick! What’s his last wish?
Toby: He wanted a city named after him.
Stacey: That’s cute, but there’s no city named Al.
Toby: Yeah, I know. His last name was Burquerque. Get it? Al-burquerque? Like New Mexico?
Stacey: I think that joke was rejected for a Popsicle stick. If you tell another joke in my presence, I’ll do to myself what Klaus did to Sunny Von Bulow.
Chapter 13
It’s their last night at Sea City, and Mrs. Pike benevolently decided to give the girls the night off. They’re mother’s helpers, not mother’s slaves. The only upside of Mrs. Pike dumping her children on Mary Anne and Stacey around the clock is that it’s prevented Stacey from getting pregnant. There might still be time, though, because Stacey set up a double date with Mary Anne and Toby. I think that’s called a ménage a trois, hon. If Stacey really did get pregnant, she’d have enough time to go on Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer and Maury before they could complete all the paternity tests. Stacey says Mary Anne should ask Alex out, and MA says she can’t, because girls don’t do that. I know Richard’s strict, but I didn’t know he was sexist, too. What’s interesting is that later in the series, all of the girls have a hive mind of PC beliefs (and I’m pretty PC myself in real life) and get incredibly moralistic when somebody veers from that. I guess this is still back when Ann realized that showing was better than saying. I wonder when she lost that ability. I think it might have been when they added Jessi.
Mary Anne, once again proving that she’s more straightforward than Stacey, asks Alex out, and Stacey says she “looked smug”. That look is called “confidence” and “having dignity”. Stace, don’t hate because you couldn’t ask a boy out without putting out first. As it was, she’s lucky Toby agreed to go with her on the promise she’d do him halfway through dinner. You laugh, but I’m serious. Stacey says she asks MA if she can run off with Toby to “keep Mary Anne’s eyes off the hot dogs”. I guess the three way was set for Toby and Alex, not Stacey and Mary Anne. Whatever raises the flagpole! Toby and Stacey run off to the boardwalk (“Under the boardwalk, down by the sea…”) to make out, and Stacey will treasure “her first kiss” forever. Don’t be coy, Stacey.
Swim, little fishie!
Chapter 14/15
Last chapters! They’re so short and full of filler, I combined them. Stacey and co are sad to leave Sin City, and Stacey waxes poetic about her “first kiss” and talks to Scott again, who creepily calls her “babe” and “love”. Stacey, you don’t have to be nice to him. In fact, I strongly recommend you do the opposite, and tell him why you avoided him, which is because you realized he only wanted an errand girl. MA cries when she says goodbye to Alex, and Stacey tells her to get it together. In chapter 15, MA APOLOGIZES to Stacey for “giving her a hard time about Scott”. You know, I thought this book had a moral (it was executed horribly, but it had a fairly straightforward theme). It turns out, there was no guiding principle or message! Screw it!
I said SCREW IT!
Yeah, there’s more to talk about, like the Claud phone call, or more rehashing of the plot, to Claudia, which is fair enough, because she’s her BFF, but MA? She was there! It just happened! You don’t have to tell us shit we already saw!
Screw it again, Stacey! You haven’t fucked that dead horse enough!
Wait, I have to see if everyone who needed to STFD did, in fact, take their seat.
1. Mr. and Mrs. Pike- no. Now emboldened by using slave labor, they’re going to pass off mommy duty to Mallory, because she was a “big help on this trip”. Stale.
2. Scott- also learned nothing about calling impressionable girls creepy pet names. I foresee him getting on a sex offender list in the near future. Now, that would have been a great ending! “Sea City lifeguard held without bail, more at 11!” My made up ending- Dibble.
3. Stacey- kind of, ish. I mean, technically, she learned that if you give up on a hot lifeguard and do your job, the universe will reward you with a slightly younger boyfriend. Also, if you apologize to your friend, she’s obligated to apologize back, even if you were the one wearing your ass like a hat. Stale.
4. Margo and Karen- We can add Claire to that list. Stale.
5. The dog who was mean to Louie- stale.
So, given all the shit Stacey gave Mary Anne, I decided to follow in her footsteps and snark… Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic!