Snowbound! Part 4!
First off, I want to thank you all for the lovely well wishes! You guys are the best! Things here are going okay though I did have to cancel a doctor appointment so I've been sweating over getting my meds in time. I needed to distract myself some so, I had to snark. It's really weird reading about a blizzard when it's in the 70s. And that there's a big storm up North at the moment too. Well, let's go!
Part1! Part 2! Part 3!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 16!-Stacey!
Stacey and Maureen are totally stunned at their situation. Yup, your mom, despite having it going on, is an idiot. Stacey says the storm is 'angry and unreasonable' so, I vote for naming the storm 'Kristy'. Maureen says she's sorry and Stacey lies that it's not her fault. Uh, yes it is. She was the one who decided to go out in a blizzard rather than stay somewhere safe. She was the one who decided taking the abandoned back roads was a good idea. She was the one who stopped the car on said abandoned roads. She was the one who wouldn't let Stacey run the gas while she pushed the car. So, really, Maureen, your poor decision making has doomed you and your kid.
Stacey mentions that she's getting hungry and Maureen flips the Hell out and starts blasting on the horn hoping someone will hear and rescue them. You know where people would hear you? On the fucking main roads. Or at the mall. When she stops, Stacey randomly asks what made her fall in luv love with Ed. She also notices Maureen doesn't wear her wedding ring any more and wonders when that happened. Um, when she got divorced, stupid. Did you really think she'd keep wearing it? How would she successfully prowl a 21 year old pool boy with them thinking she's married?
Maureen doesn't know what to say and hilariously, Stacey tells her she wants to know what falling in love is like. I repeat. Stacey. Wants to know. What falling in love is like. You stupid little flugelhorn. You say you fall in love every time a guy is in your general vicinity. 'The bag boy smiled at me! We're in love!' Maureen needs to tell her falling in love doesn't mean running errands and stealing from your employer just to please your man. Instead Maureen prattles on about how they had so much in common and I don't care.
Stacey interrupts her saying she thinks the heat is off. And in a delightful bit of continuity, Maureen takes her glove off to see if it is. So, she was wearing gloves but somehow Stacey noticed she wasn't wearing her wedding ring anymore. Brilliant, Ann. Stunningly brilliant. It's not working and they're out of gas so they start panicking and blasting the horn again and screaming for help out the windows. Hey, geniuses, guess what? Opening your windows is a bad idea when you have no heat. I just think about when a game has bad enemy AI and they just run into walls while you shoot them. Or don't notice a cardboard box walking around.
Just as Stacey is trying to get some sleep, Maureen yells that someone is coming. Someone in the magic car Chitty Chitty Bang Bang because how else do you explain this guy making it through a Goddamn blizzard that has the whole Northeast at a standstill? Maureen blinks the headlights and Stacey starts panicking that he could be a murderer. One whose magic car is run off human blood or something, I guess. Maureen explains how she's a fucking idiot and the guy offers them a ride to his house for the night. Maureen raises her eyebrows at Stacey and the guy takes them to the old grist mill to grind them up to appease his demon car. The End. Uh, I mean, to be continued.
Chapter 17-Mallory!
MA and the Pikes are sitting around in the darkness bored and hungry. Claire sings Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, and Ann's version always bugs me because she throws 'chin' in there. That doesn't even make sense. You're supposed to say 'Nose'. Because it rhymes, stupid. The kids, even though they just ate dinner, complain some more about being hungry. Good God. Bundle everyone up, walk to MA's house and feed them there! If they're really as hungry as they say they are make some fucking biscuits or something with that flour! Make a Goddamn cake! It may not be the best food out there, but at least it's food! And if the kids are that Goddamn picky, they deserve to go hungry!
The kids point out that with the power off, the fridge won't work. So, they eat ice cream. And yes, I have to include the pic:
Good golly Miss Molly. What the Hell is wrong with Nicky? No wonder the triplets make fun of him! Dee clearly found him under a bridge eating goats! Either that or his real dad was Humpty Dumpty, because he's a Goddamn egg. Also, the triplet in the middle has some fucked up teeth. Either they're rotten to the point they turned black, or he's wearing a mouth guard. And the triplet on the left has a really wide mouth. Even when you smile, your mouth should not line up with the edges of your eyes! Claire doesn't fare much better with her tiny, tiny face. I'm too lazy to do a red line but something about her skull really bugs me. It really says something about the illustrator when Mal is the only normal looking one. Methinks the water in Stoneybrook must be used for nuclear waste disposal.
As the ape children are eating their ice cream, someone rings the doorbell. Everyone panics because omg! What if it's that guy, tired of killing the McGills, needing more blood for Killy Killy Bang Bang?! But no! It's just Richard checking up on them! The girls are relieved and mention that they need some food for breakfast tomorrow, and would you kindly lend us some? Ah hahahaha! Just kidding! They say everything is allll cool in Sweden, baby! Because they're idiots, ya see? Richard mentions that he hasn't heard from Sharon and Dawn but that 'no news is good news'. Remember when this could be true? Nowadays everyone would be panicking because they haven't texted you in five whole minutes. Also, Richard? Honey? They wouldn't be able to call you anyway with the power out. So, it's not really a case of no news is good news as much as it is there's no news, because it's the early 90s and there are few ways to communicate. Richard leaves and everyone goes to bed.
The next morning Mal awakes early and checks outside. It's no longer snowing and the electricity is back on. She turns on the radio and school was canceled. She checks the rest of the house to make sure nothing was left on then checks on her siblings. When she goes back to her room, MA is waking up. So, she tells her that the storm is over and school is canceled.
Chapter 18!-Claudia!
Oh, my Gaaaaaawd! This is ridiculous! We have yet another chapter that's basically a chapter we just read! Claudia puts the Perkins to bed and Rioko comes over to check on them and Claudia says everything is fine and I just fucking read this!
Anyway, the next morning Gabbie wakes up Claudia because she heard some noise. They track it down and it's Chewy who was locked in the basement. Okay, break out your copybook. How the fuckity fuck are they only hearing him now? How does a dog, always described as really rambunctious, be so quiet while locked up? Did they really not check the basement? How did he get locked down there? If the door was open and Claudia closed it, why the Hell did she not check that he was down there first? Now Cabby's a pretty large cat, not as big as a Labrador obviously, but when he wants in, I can clearly hear him scratching at the door. Even when I'm in the kitchen and he's in the garage. This whole subplot is moronic.
The next morning Claudia makes the kids breakfast and then gives them maple syrup over fresh snow. I can't find the video, but it just reminds me of when Triumph the Insult Comic Dog went to Canada and had kids eat his 'pee' over snow. I'll will always relate eating maple syrup snow with dog puppet pee.
Chapter 19!-Jessi!
This chapter is way boring and I kept getting distracted by Cabby trying to kill my box of Lucky Charms. But I pulled myself together and kept reading. Because all adults are useless, Jessi and Quint are the ones to get the kids settled for the night. Who cares? I want to know what ol' Bitchface is up to! Oh, she's in the other room, gossiping with kids her own age like a normal teen would be. Well, they do join them after awhile rather then creep on all them sleeping kids.
The next day, Mme Noelle announces that the coffee shop across the street invited the whole school over for free breakfast. I find that a little hard to believe. I can see them doing it if there was a camera crew around but just out of the goodness of their hearts? Maybe they'll write the newspaper and say they have a fascinating story about a tender-hearted cafe owner. Also, how did they even find out about them? Did Mme Noelle go over there and say 'We have a bonch of starving keeds. Free breakfast, s'il vous plait?'
Chapter 20!-Mary Anne!
MA complains that they're 'scraping bottom' on the food front. And I...I...
These stupid fuckers deserve every hunger pang they get because they can't figure out how to get food from a neighbour and use the emergency money to pay for it. Instead they try to order pizza again. With the streets unplowed at 9am...
Then she calls Logan to complain about being hungry. So, he skis over bringing them some food staples so they can eat. Now was that so fucking hard to figure out?! What a bunch of fucking chimps! Oh, wait. Chimps are smart. What a bunch of fucking sea cucumbers! Also Mal says there will never be another snow storm like this again...so I guess this one hitting the Northeast at the moment is just in our imagination. Good job, Ann. Good job.
Part1! Part 2! Part 3!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 16!-Stacey!
Stacey and Maureen are totally stunned at their situation. Yup, your mom, despite having it going on, is an idiot. Stacey says the storm is 'angry and unreasonable' so, I vote for naming the storm 'Kristy'. Maureen says she's sorry and Stacey lies that it's not her fault. Uh, yes it is. She was the one who decided to go out in a blizzard rather than stay somewhere safe. She was the one who decided taking the abandoned back roads was a good idea. She was the one who stopped the car on said abandoned roads. She was the one who wouldn't let Stacey run the gas while she pushed the car. So, really, Maureen, your poor decision making has doomed you and your kid.
Stacey mentions that she's getting hungry and Maureen flips the Hell out and starts blasting on the horn hoping someone will hear and rescue them. You know where people would hear you? On the fucking main roads. Or at the mall. When she stops, Stacey randomly asks what made her fall in luv love with Ed. She also notices Maureen doesn't wear her wedding ring any more and wonders when that happened. Um, when she got divorced, stupid. Did you really think she'd keep wearing it? How would she successfully prowl a 21 year old pool boy with them thinking she's married?
Maureen doesn't know what to say and hilariously, Stacey tells her she wants to know what falling in love is like. I repeat. Stacey. Wants to know. What falling in love is like. You stupid little flugelhorn. You say you fall in love every time a guy is in your general vicinity. 'The bag boy smiled at me! We're in love!' Maureen needs to tell her falling in love doesn't mean running errands and stealing from your employer just to please your man. Instead Maureen prattles on about how they had so much in common and I don't care.
Stacey interrupts her saying she thinks the heat is off. And in a delightful bit of continuity, Maureen takes her glove off to see if it is. So, she was wearing gloves but somehow Stacey noticed she wasn't wearing her wedding ring anymore. Brilliant, Ann. Stunningly brilliant. It's not working and they're out of gas so they start panicking and blasting the horn again and screaming for help out the windows. Hey, geniuses, guess what? Opening your windows is a bad idea when you have no heat. I just think about when a game has bad enemy AI and they just run into walls while you shoot them. Or don't notice a cardboard box walking around.
Just as Stacey is trying to get some sleep, Maureen yells that someone is coming. Someone in the magic car Chitty Chitty Bang Bang because how else do you explain this guy making it through a Goddamn blizzard that has the whole Northeast at a standstill? Maureen blinks the headlights and Stacey starts panicking that he could be a murderer. One whose magic car is run off human blood or something, I guess. Maureen explains how she's a fucking idiot and the guy offers them a ride to his house for the night. Maureen raises her eyebrows at Stacey and the guy takes them to the old grist mill to grind them up to appease his demon car. The End. Uh, I mean, to be continued.
Chapter 17-Mallory!
MA and the Pikes are sitting around in the darkness bored and hungry. Claire sings Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, and Ann's version always bugs me because she throws 'chin' in there. That doesn't even make sense. You're supposed to say 'Nose'. Because it rhymes, stupid. The kids, even though they just ate dinner, complain some more about being hungry. Good God. Bundle everyone up, walk to MA's house and feed them there! If they're really as hungry as they say they are make some fucking biscuits or something with that flour! Make a Goddamn cake! It may not be the best food out there, but at least it's food! And if the kids are that Goddamn picky, they deserve to go hungry!
The kids point out that with the power off, the fridge won't work. So, they eat ice cream. And yes, I have to include the pic:
Good golly Miss Molly. What the Hell is wrong with Nicky? No wonder the triplets make fun of him! Dee clearly found him under a bridge eating goats! Either that or his real dad was Humpty Dumpty, because he's a Goddamn egg. Also, the triplet in the middle has some fucked up teeth. Either they're rotten to the point they turned black, or he's wearing a mouth guard. And the triplet on the left has a really wide mouth. Even when you smile, your mouth should not line up with the edges of your eyes! Claire doesn't fare much better with her tiny, tiny face. I'm too lazy to do a red line but something about her skull really bugs me. It really says something about the illustrator when Mal is the only normal looking one. Methinks the water in Stoneybrook must be used for nuclear waste disposal.
As the ape children are eating their ice cream, someone rings the doorbell. Everyone panics because omg! What if it's that guy, tired of killing the McGills, needing more blood for Killy Killy Bang Bang?! But no! It's just Richard checking up on them! The girls are relieved and mention that they need some food for breakfast tomorrow, and would you kindly lend us some? Ah hahahaha! Just kidding! They say everything is allll cool in Sweden, baby! Because they're idiots, ya see? Richard mentions that he hasn't heard from Sharon and Dawn but that 'no news is good news'. Remember when this could be true? Nowadays everyone would be panicking because they haven't texted you in five whole minutes. Also, Richard? Honey? They wouldn't be able to call you anyway with the power out. So, it's not really a case of no news is good news as much as it is there's no news, because it's the early 90s and there are few ways to communicate. Richard leaves and everyone goes to bed.
The next morning Mal awakes early and checks outside. It's no longer snowing and the electricity is back on. She turns on the radio and school was canceled. She checks the rest of the house to make sure nothing was left on then checks on her siblings. When she goes back to her room, MA is waking up. So, she tells her that the storm is over and school is canceled.
Chapter 18!-Claudia!
Oh, my Gaaaaaawd! This is ridiculous! We have yet another chapter that's basically a chapter we just read! Claudia puts the Perkins to bed and Rioko comes over to check on them and Claudia says everything is fine and I just fucking read this!
Anyway, the next morning Gabbie wakes up Claudia because she heard some noise. They track it down and it's Chewy who was locked in the basement. Okay, break out your copybook. How the fuckity fuck are they only hearing him now? How does a dog, always described as really rambunctious, be so quiet while locked up? Did they really not check the basement? How did he get locked down there? If the door was open and Claudia closed it, why the Hell did she not check that he was down there first? Now Cabby's a pretty large cat, not as big as a Labrador obviously, but when he wants in, I can clearly hear him scratching at the door. Even when I'm in the kitchen and he's in the garage. This whole subplot is moronic.
The next morning Claudia makes the kids breakfast and then gives them maple syrup over fresh snow. I can't find the video, but it just reminds me of when Triumph the Insult Comic Dog went to Canada and had kids eat his 'pee' over snow. I'll will always relate eating maple syrup snow with dog puppet pee.
Chapter 19!-Jessi!
This chapter is way boring and I kept getting distracted by Cabby trying to kill my box of Lucky Charms. But I pulled myself together and kept reading. Because all adults are useless, Jessi and Quint are the ones to get the kids settled for the night. Who cares? I want to know what ol' Bitchface is up to! Oh, she's in the other room, gossiping with kids her own age like a normal teen would be. Well, they do join them after awhile rather then creep on all them sleeping kids.
The next day, Mme Noelle announces that the coffee shop across the street invited the whole school over for free breakfast. I find that a little hard to believe. I can see them doing it if there was a camera crew around but just out of the goodness of their hearts? Maybe they'll write the newspaper and say they have a fascinating story about a tender-hearted cafe owner. Also, how did they even find out about them? Did Mme Noelle go over there and say 'We have a bonch of starving keeds. Free breakfast, s'il vous plait?'
Chapter 20!-Mary Anne!
MA complains that they're 'scraping bottom' on the food front. And I...I...
These stupid fuckers deserve every hunger pang they get because they can't figure out how to get food from a neighbour and use the emergency money to pay for it. Instead they try to order pizza again. With the streets unplowed at 9am...
Then she calls Logan to complain about being hungry. So, he skis over bringing them some food staples so they can eat. Now was that so fucking hard to figure out?! What a bunch of fucking chimps! Oh, wait. Chimps are smart. What a bunch of fucking sea cucumbers! Also Mal says there will never be another snow storm like this again...so I guess this one hitting the Northeast at the moment is just in our imagination. Good job, Ann. Good job.