BSC #46: Mary Anne Misses Logan or B**ch Can’t Make Up Her Damn Mind! Part 1!
BSC #46: Mary Anne Misses Logan or B**ch Can’t Make Up Her Damn Mind! Part 1!
Hello fellow snarkers! I hope everyone had awesome holidays and a very joyous New Year! This year will be full of great snarks from yours truly, I promiseJ! Now let’s continue to the Whiny one not being able to make up her mind!
This depicts Mary Anne, K-Ron, Claudia, and I think Stacey (I can’t tell the difference between her and Dawn on most covers, this could be Shannon for all I know) roller-skating. Mary Anne is busy busting her ass, while the other three are holding her up. The problem is, THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN IN THE DAMN BOOK! THE ONLY BOOK I CAN THINK OF THAT THE SITTERS GO SKATING IN IS THE ONE RIGHT BEFORE MAL GETS MONO!!! GREAT JOB AS ALWAYS, COVER ARTISTS!!
Claudia is wearing something fairly normal for her, but then again the covers never depict her as wearing anything truly crazy. Here, she looks a little like Grimus. Stacy/Dawn is neither California Casual or sophisticated and K-Ron and Mary Anne are both wearing sweaters and jeans.
On to the book itself……
Chapter 1:
So, a mere five books later and Mary Anne already misses the asshole known as Logan. Damn, what was that like a freakin month they were apart? Woman, get over it, he was a jerk and you were right to let him go.
Mary Anne says that Logan and she were so close that they were like a part of each other; they can even read each other’s minds. Then why didn’t he know you were serious about the fucking breakup? Why did he put together a whole candlelit dinner to order you to start dating him again? Fucking Hell, Mary Anne is going to lose all the awesomeness she gained at the end of the last snark!
She says that she told Logan that she wanted some time away from him and that before she knew it, they broke up. At least this bitch has the decently to tell us that was not really what happened. I know, because I had to snark that piece of shit, and it took me many cookies to get through it. Anyhow, it’s a dreary day and this leaves the princess in a mood to brood about the asshole and about this English assignment that all the eighth graders on getting. Of course the bitch fucking teases us with the damn assignment and moves on to tell her damn life story. I think the editors should just accept the fact that we know this shit already and move the fuck on to the story. We don’t need to hear about how the damn BSC started and all of the damn members, EVERY FUCKING BOOK!
She talks about Logan some more and how she started to feel smothered by him and how she FINALLY told him she wanted a cool off period. And this made me roll my eyes, ‘I needed time to consider things. Only I guess I took too long, or maybe Logan took things the wrong way. At any rate, our relationship cooled off so much that it froze and snapped in two.’ WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? THAT’S NOT WHY THE REALTIONSHIP ENDED; IT ENDED BECAUSE LOGAN DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU SAID YOU NEEDED TIME! HE FLAT OUT TOLD YOU HE WAS READY TO START THINGS UP AGAIN AND HE DIDN’T YOUR PERMISSION TO DO IT!!!! I KNOW IT WAS A FEW BOOKS AGO, BUT IT WAS ONLY FIVE AND YOU WROTE THEM BOTH, ANN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE DAMN BSC BIBLE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HOLD ALL THIS DAMN INFORMATION IN IT? AIN’T LIKE I DIDN’T SNARK THIS SHIT A FEW DAYS AGO, YOU KNOW!!!
So, she emoes over his ass some more and is even worried about the English assignment and STILL does not tell us what the Hell is so fucking bad about it. No, we have to hear about Tigger first. I don’t care, I’m a dog person. I rather have a beagle:
. Mary Anne says that she wanted Tigger to take a nap in her lap, but the poor cat was scared shitless about hearing her cry about that asshole Logan who never liked him, and he fucking bolted.
This leaves her plenty of time to shit her pants about the English assignment. Finally we get to hear just what the fuck is so damn scary: the eighth graders are going to be in groups of four and they will be assigned an author to study. Ok, so what is the problem? Oh, she’s worried about who she works with. Real life is so going to bite her in the ass, you know. Sweetie, you are aware that in life, YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO FUCKING MAN UP AND WORK WITH PEOPLE YOU DOWNRIGHT FUCKING HATE, RIGHT?! I’M TALKING PEOPLE WHO DO NO WORK AND TAKE THE CREDIT, PEOPLE WHO ARE HATEFUL, DIRTY, DISGUSTING, AND ARE ASSHOLES!!!! THAT’S THE REAL WORLD PRINCESS!!!!
Mary Anne even name drops Cokie, scared she’s going to be in her group. Do you guys smell the fucking foreshadowing here? Cause I sure don’t. Mary Anne is scared she’d be paired up with people she doesn’t know, because she’s so shy her tongue rolls itself up and she is incapable of speaking. Ok, I’m shy as fuck and I hate being around people I don’t know, but this is crazy. It’s school for fuck’s sake, what the Hell is she planning on doing when she has to work on a project with people she doesn’t know when she’s older? MAN THE FUCK UP HERE, PRINCESS!!!! The chapter ends here, with Mary Anne wanting to talk to Logan or one of her friends. THEN WHY DOESN’T SHE DO THAT? FUCKING HELL, YOU LIVE WITH ONE AND HAVE ACCESS TO THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS, JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THEM, BITCH!!!!
CHAPTER 2
Fuck me that was a long ass chapter. Fucking took five pages. And the next one starts off with the biographies of everyone. You know what? I still don’t care, I didn’t when I was a kid and I don’t now. I’m not even kidding; the whole ten page chapter consists of everyone’s biography. Love when everything’s in one place and I can skip it, makes the snark shorter.
Chapter 3
Mary Anne is babysitting for the Kormans: Bill, Melody and Skylar. And now I’m picturing Skylar to grow up and be Will Hunting’s girlfriend. Ok, then.
Mary Anne is making hot dogs for the kids and Bill is on to the fact that his parents don’t trust the sitters to make them anything else for dinner and says that they always get hot dogs when they have a sitter. What the heck is there literally nothing else they can have her cook? What about soup, Chef Boyardee, chicken in the oven? Fuck, order pizza that’s easy. Mary Anne says that the year and a half old Skylar is good and entertained with Cheez Doodles and she’s amazed how good she’s being. That’s because she’s a normal one year old. Anything will entertain them for a while and maybe it’s just me but I wouldn’t give a one year old Cheez Doodles, maybe those Gerber crackers. Seems like there’s a gooey diaper in Mary Anne’s future.
So, the kids eat and while they do, Mary Anne tells us about them. Apparently, the Kormans are living in the Delaney’s old mansion, and what the fuck happened to the Delaney’s? Never mind, I think I know. They were beaten to death by all the kids they were assholes too, I always hated the fucking Delaney’s. I hoped that Hannie smacked that bitch Amanda down one day and the rest of them ran in fucking fear.
Anyway, the kids are scared of everything in the house and says that everything is a monster. Even the toilet is a monster. You read that right kids. The fucking Toilet is a monster that will eat them if they aren’t in their beds before it stops flushing.
Jesus Christ, I hope I wasn’t this much of a pain in the ass about things when I was a kid.
Chapter 4
Club meeting day! We also get the damn backstory and I skip pages. Seven whole pages. Then we get to Jessi and Mal cracking really corny jokes and coming from a girl whose favorite dirty joke is saying that the pig fell in the mud, so that really says a lot.
K-Ron cracks the whip and calls the meeting to order. Mary Anne tells them all about the Korman kids and I thought that’s what the notebook was for, Mary Anne. You’re just wasting the time you could be spending planning the next kid’s event. Drink your Kool-Aid and shut the fuck up.
The Kormans call and Dawn gets the job and vows to see what the fuss is about. And that’s it? Ok, I take it back, I fucking LOVE THIS BOOK. The chapters are so easy to snark!!!! J
That’s all for now, next time I’ll get to Mary Anne’s meltdown of laughable proportions. Hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading and the awesome comments! See you soon!!!
Hello fellow snarkers! I hope everyone had awesome holidays and a very joyous New Year! This year will be full of great snarks from yours truly, I promiseJ! Now let’s continue to the Whiny one not being able to make up her mind!
This depicts Mary Anne, K-Ron, Claudia, and I think Stacey (I can’t tell the difference between her and Dawn on most covers, this could be Shannon for all I know) roller-skating. Mary Anne is busy busting her ass, while the other three are holding her up. The problem is, THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN IN THE DAMN BOOK! THE ONLY BOOK I CAN THINK OF THAT THE SITTERS GO SKATING IN IS THE ONE RIGHT BEFORE MAL GETS MONO!!! GREAT JOB AS ALWAYS, COVER ARTISTS!!
Claudia is wearing something fairly normal for her, but then again the covers never depict her as wearing anything truly crazy. Here, she looks a little like Grimus. Stacy/Dawn is neither California Casual or sophisticated and K-Ron and Mary Anne are both wearing sweaters and jeans.
On to the book itself……
Chapter 1:
So, a mere five books later and Mary Anne already misses the asshole known as Logan. Damn, what was that like a freakin month they were apart? Woman, get over it, he was a jerk and you were right to let him go.
Mary Anne says that Logan and she were so close that they were like a part of each other; they can even read each other’s minds. Then why didn’t he know you were serious about the fucking breakup? Why did he put together a whole candlelit dinner to order you to start dating him again? Fucking Hell, Mary Anne is going to lose all the awesomeness she gained at the end of the last snark!
She says that she told Logan that she wanted some time away from him and that before she knew it, they broke up. At least this bitch has the decently to tell us that was not really what happened. I know, because I had to snark that piece of shit, and it took me many cookies to get through it. Anyhow, it’s a dreary day and this leaves the princess in a mood to brood about the asshole and about this English assignment that all the eighth graders on getting. Of course the bitch fucking teases us with the damn assignment and moves on to tell her damn life story. I think the editors should just accept the fact that we know this shit already and move the fuck on to the story. We don’t need to hear about how the damn BSC started and all of the damn members, EVERY FUCKING BOOK!
She talks about Logan some more and how she started to feel smothered by him and how she FINALLY told him she wanted a cool off period. And this made me roll my eyes, ‘I needed time to consider things. Only I guess I took too long, or maybe Logan took things the wrong way. At any rate, our relationship cooled off so much that it froze and snapped in two.’ WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? THAT’S NOT WHY THE REALTIONSHIP ENDED; IT ENDED BECAUSE LOGAN DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU SAID YOU NEEDED TIME! HE FLAT OUT TOLD YOU HE WAS READY TO START THINGS UP AGAIN AND HE DIDN’T YOUR PERMISSION TO DO IT!!!! I KNOW IT WAS A FEW BOOKS AGO, BUT IT WAS ONLY FIVE AND YOU WROTE THEM BOTH, ANN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE DAMN BSC BIBLE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HOLD ALL THIS DAMN INFORMATION IN IT? AIN’T LIKE I DIDN’T SNARK THIS SHIT A FEW DAYS AGO, YOU KNOW!!!
So, she emoes over his ass some more and is even worried about the English assignment and STILL does not tell us what the Hell is so fucking bad about it. No, we have to hear about Tigger first. I don’t care, I’m a dog person. I rather have a beagle:
. Mary Anne says that she wanted Tigger to take a nap in her lap, but the poor cat was scared shitless about hearing her cry about that asshole Logan who never liked him, and he fucking bolted.
This leaves her plenty of time to shit her pants about the English assignment. Finally we get to hear just what the fuck is so damn scary: the eighth graders are going to be in groups of four and they will be assigned an author to study. Ok, so what is the problem? Oh, she’s worried about who she works with. Real life is so going to bite her in the ass, you know. Sweetie, you are aware that in life, YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO FUCKING MAN UP AND WORK WITH PEOPLE YOU DOWNRIGHT FUCKING HATE, RIGHT?! I’M TALKING PEOPLE WHO DO NO WORK AND TAKE THE CREDIT, PEOPLE WHO ARE HATEFUL, DIRTY, DISGUSTING, AND ARE ASSHOLES!!!! THAT’S THE REAL WORLD PRINCESS!!!!
Mary Anne even name drops Cokie, scared she’s going to be in her group. Do you guys smell the fucking foreshadowing here? Cause I sure don’t. Mary Anne is scared she’d be paired up with people she doesn’t know, because she’s so shy her tongue rolls itself up and she is incapable of speaking. Ok, I’m shy as fuck and I hate being around people I don’t know, but this is crazy. It’s school for fuck’s sake, what the Hell is she planning on doing when she has to work on a project with people she doesn’t know when she’s older? MAN THE FUCK UP HERE, PRINCESS!!!! The chapter ends here, with Mary Anne wanting to talk to Logan or one of her friends. THEN WHY DOESN’T SHE DO THAT? FUCKING HELL, YOU LIVE WITH ONE AND HAVE ACCESS TO THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS, JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THEM, BITCH!!!!
CHAPTER 2
Fuck me that was a long ass chapter. Fucking took five pages. And the next one starts off with the biographies of everyone. You know what? I still don’t care, I didn’t when I was a kid and I don’t now. I’m not even kidding; the whole ten page chapter consists of everyone’s biography. Love when everything’s in one place and I can skip it, makes the snark shorter.
Chapter 3
Mary Anne is babysitting for the Kormans: Bill, Melody and Skylar. And now I’m picturing Skylar to grow up and be Will Hunting’s girlfriend. Ok, then.
Mary Anne is making hot dogs for the kids and Bill is on to the fact that his parents don’t trust the sitters to make them anything else for dinner and says that they always get hot dogs when they have a sitter. What the heck is there literally nothing else they can have her cook? What about soup, Chef Boyardee, chicken in the oven? Fuck, order pizza that’s easy. Mary Anne says that the year and a half old Skylar is good and entertained with Cheez Doodles and she’s amazed how good she’s being. That’s because she’s a normal one year old. Anything will entertain them for a while and maybe it’s just me but I wouldn’t give a one year old Cheez Doodles, maybe those Gerber crackers. Seems like there’s a gooey diaper in Mary Anne’s future.
So, the kids eat and while they do, Mary Anne tells us about them. Apparently, the Kormans are living in the Delaney’s old mansion, and what the fuck happened to the Delaney’s? Never mind, I think I know. They were beaten to death by all the kids they were assholes too, I always hated the fucking Delaney’s. I hoped that Hannie smacked that bitch Amanda down one day and the rest of them ran in fucking fear.
Anyway, the kids are scared of everything in the house and says that everything is a monster. Even the toilet is a monster. You read that right kids. The fucking Toilet is a monster that will eat them if they aren’t in their beds before it stops flushing.
Jesus Christ, I hope I wasn’t this much of a pain in the ass about things when I was a kid.
Chapter 4
Club meeting day! We also get the damn backstory and I skip pages. Seven whole pages. Then we get to Jessi and Mal cracking really corny jokes and coming from a girl whose favorite dirty joke is saying that the pig fell in the mud, so that really says a lot.
K-Ron cracks the whip and calls the meeting to order. Mary Anne tells them all about the Korman kids and I thought that’s what the notebook was for, Mary Anne. You’re just wasting the time you could be spending planning the next kid’s event. Drink your Kool-Aid and shut the fuck up.
The Kormans call and Dawn gets the job and vows to see what the fuss is about. And that’s it? Ok, I take it back, I fucking LOVE THIS BOOK. The chapters are so easy to snark!!!! J
That’s all for now, next time I’ll get to Mary Anne’s meltdown of laughable proportions. Hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading and the awesome comments! See you soon!!!