#72: Dawn and the We Love Kids Club or BLONDIE NEEDS HER A$$ BEAT! Last Part!
Time to finish this shit up. I swear this snark is going to cause me to drink, or at the very least overdose on sugar and Pepsi. I also have another snark here http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/1374.html , so let me know what you guys think. Time for the final part of Dawn and the We Love Kids Club! Prepare for much cursing and ranting:
Chapter 10
So, we get a letter from Mary Anne to Dawn saying that she's sorry about what happened. What happened; did Sharon ship her ass to fucking boarding school? Did she call the cops and Dawn is sitting in jail, a place where a pretty blond is never fucking lonely. (My condo in Hell was just upgraded!) Mary Anne hopes that things aren't too terrible for Dawn right now, and fucking hell. Does no one give a shit what her parents and Carol are feeling right now? No, let's all show the blond jackass love and forgiveness for this massive fuckup.
Mary Ane says that is was hard for her when her dad married Dawn's mom, even though she loved Sharon so much. First off, you didn't throw a hissy fit and fly across the GODDAMN COUNTRY when that happened. On your Daddy's credit card no less. Second, has none of these fucking editors remember that book when Sharon and Richard got married? NO ONE GOT ALONG AND THEY ALL HATED EACH OTHER! IT WASN'T PEACHES AND FUCKING CREAM AT THE SPIER/SCHAFER HOUSEHOLD!!!!
Mary Anne tells Dawn not to worry, that they all love her. Then the damn letter gets cut off midsentence, so all we get is 'I just thought you should know that...' and what the hell was she going to say? We get pages devoted to Claudia and Stacey's fucking outfits but a letter we don't get. Fucking hell. AND WHAT THE FUCK, MARY ANNE? DAWN'S ASS SHOULD FUCKING WORRY, SHE NEEDS TO GET HER ASS BEATEN FOR PULLING THAT SHIT!
So, that shit over with, Dawn talks about getting Mary Anne's letter on Wednesday and how nice it was to see someone being sympathetic with her. She says that her house is icy, even though they are in the Cali sunshine. And you know what, princess? You don't deserve sympathy, you deserve a boot to the ass.
Dawn says that the trip to Stoneybrook didn't work out and that she's back in Palo City. Well, no shit Sherlock. As if the letter didn't give that away. Then the most common words used in these books come, 'Let's start at the beginning', and we're back at the airport. Sharon is waiting at the gate, ready to cut a bitch, when Dawn runs to her for a hug, and Sharon gives her that look that all moms do when you do something wrong and you piss your pants in fear.
Of course, this doesn't stop our Blonde Wonder and she's all, 'Hi! How did you know I was coming?' and bitch, really? Did you really think Daddy wouldn't give two fucks where you were once he read that letter? Seriously though, that would have been awesome if that happened. Jack reads the letter, shrugs his shoulders, goes 'oh, well' and continues on with life like a boss. Sharon is all, 'how the fuck do you think, you little shit? Dad called me two hours, we were thinking of leaving your ass here'. And Dawn, all she does is, 'Oh, he found the note.' And what the fuck did you think was going to happen?
Sharon lays into Dawn that Daddy found the note and panicked. He called every airline, the cops and then Sharon. Jeff was crying in the background. Sweet Jesus, this is not fucking funny. The poor bastard had to come to his ungrateful twat of a daughter's note and of course, flipped out. This is so fucked up, especially now because you know airlines today wouldn't have given him any information outright, because of the fucking terrorists. I can't believe that Sharon wasn't called first though. I know they had a bad divorce, but Jesus Christ, people swallow some shit and get over it. This is your fucking kid, I know she's needs a beating and she's a twat, but she's still yours. Poor Jeff too, that was fucked up to do that to him too.
Dawn knows Sharon is pissed, because she sees that Sharon is trying hard not to scream and it looks like her head is vibrating. Poor Sharon is probably counting the minutes until she gets home, so she can roll a fucking fatty and have anger sex with Richard. We all know, this poor lady deserves it. All Dawn can say is a weak sorry and I swear, I would have gotten a beating for pulling this shit, public place or not.
Sharon lays into Dawn again with this speech: 'You'd better be. How could you have done this, Dawn Schafer? How could you be so irresponsible and immature? Not to mention deceitful. Do you know what you put your family through? After all we did so you could move to California for six months, all the adjustments we made, all the emotional strain? And you just up and booked a flight on your father's credit card for the fun of it? What on Earth could have possessed you to do something like this?' Finally, someone with sense in these books. HAND HER ASS TO HER, SHARON!!!
Dawn says that it wasn't for the fun of it and starts to cry and that would have been worse for me to do in this case, but whatevs. Sharon tells her to put on her coat while she calls Daddy to say that Dawn got there safely. The poor bastard is worried sick and feels responsible and Good God, woman show some remorse for what you fucking did! No, she was happy that Sharon brought her fucking down coat to the airport so she wouldn't freeze. Would serve her ass right if Sharon let her freeze to death. Would certainly make this shit shorter.
Sharon calls Daddy and he is freakin PISSED! Not that I blame him at all at this point. Then they go to the car and don't speak until the highway. Dawn starts to talk about Carol and Dad and realizes how fucking stupid she sounds. Sharon listens and is surprised at the engagement news as well, and really? You got engaged and married before the fucking time wrap hit, so in less than a year. At least, by this book they already have been in eighth grade like five times already. Sharon asks Dawn if she told Daddy how she felt and of course she didn't, she fucking ran instead.
Sharon asks, 'You honestly thought we wouldn't mind? You thought you could just change your plans and it would affect nobody but yourself?' FINALLY, SOMEONE CALLS DAWN OUT FOR THIS SHIT! I AM SO SICK OF DAWN CONSTANTLY THINKING OF NO ONE BUT HERSELF AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO CONSIDER HER A NICE GIRL!
Dawn admits that she wasn't thinking about it, she was upset. Sharon tells her , 'But now quite a few people are upset. Including your dad. You're going to have a lot to work out with him. Starting with that plane ticket'. Dawn promises to pay the ticket back with babysitting money, the BSC has been saying how busy they are. Then Sharon gives her the most awesome, amazing final blow, 'Sweetheart, it's going to take longer than you think. First of all, you're going to have to repay him for two tickets. And second of all, you're going to be doing it in California.' BITCH GOT OWNED! I really hope that Jack and Sharon booked her on first class, with all kinds of special treatment, that way she's babysitting for free until her ass is ninety.
Sharon informs her that her flight leaves the next day at four and that there is still time left on her six months in Cali. Dawn is upset that her mom doesn't want her to stay and Sharon lies and says of course she does, and we all know she's lying. She doesn't what that bitch home if she is going to be pulling this shit whenever something doesn't go her way.
Dawn emoes about how no one is seeing her point of view and bitch, you don't get one when you act like a hosebeast. She complains that Daddy cut her out of his life and Mom is worse too. Bitch even has the nerve to complain that Sharon shouldn't be complaining about the money for the ticket when Sharon spent more for the ticket back, fucking hell, really? YOU FUCKING STOLE MONEY FROM YOUR FATHER, YOU DUMB FUCK! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE BITCHY RIGHT NOW, YOU SHOULD BE KISSING YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER'S ASS RIGHT NOW, APOLOGIZING FOR THE TWAT BEHAVIOR YOU PULLED IN THE FIRST PLACE. She's even all, 'Wasn't I important to anybody?', and not when you pull this type of shit, you're not.
They finally get home and everyone's asleep. Mary Anne left a note on Dawn's pillow basically saying that she's happy she's home and can't wait to talk to her in person. Dawn cries herself to sleep and bitch, how are you still fucking able to sleep? When I fucked up, I felt so guilty I couldn't sleep. Granted, I was never stupid enough to pull some shit like this, but I wasn't an angel either.
So, next day Mary Anne's stupid ass wakes Dawn up at like seven in the morning and what the hell? A couple of hours wouldn't kill you, you know. Then again, Dawn shouldn't have been allowed to sleep at all, I would have put her ass to work all night and day until her flight came in, but I'm mean like that. Mary Anne comes in, and of course it's noted that she's wearing her L.L. Bean Nightgown and who gives a shit? I sleep in sweatpants and t-shirts, no one would care. They hug and cry and I so don't give a shit.
Sharon comes in and fucking forbids Dawn to call any of her friends while she's home and once again, Sharon is my hero. BITCH GOT OWNED AGAIN! Damn Skippy she shouldn't get to hang out with her friends, her ass would be in the freakin barn or secret passage cleaning Charlie and Janine's 'love juices' off the fucking walls.
Mary Anne and Dawn get to talking and K-Ron comes up, because even when she's not there, that bitch needs to be a part of everything. K-Ron has sent a copy of the WLKC news broadcast to Stoneybrook's local station, enclosing a letter that states, 'They were big in California, but they're even better in Connecticut!' Everybody now...... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Problem is, dumbass forgot to rewind the fucking thing, so the tv people saw an ad for pantyhose instead. They ended up sending Kristy a list of ad fees and once again, IN YOUR FUCKING FACE, FUCKWAD!
Click to viewSo, the twosome gab all day and who the hell says gab. We say bullshitting or talking where I'm from. Bitch flies home, hopefully for that beating she really fucking needs.
Chapter 11
Dawn talks about how every state looks the same and snots that at least on this flight, she gets a meatless lasagna. And, shut the fuck up! You don't get to be a bitch, especially when you fucked up this bad. She thinks that Daddy may have a ticket waiting for her to fly back to Connecticut and that would have been so fucking funny, you guys. She figures that she probably has enough Frequent Flyer miles to fly to China and no one would have to see her then. FLY AWAY DAWN!
Plane lands and Daddy is just as pissed as Sharon was. We're spared the lecture, but are told that he used some of the same words that Sharon did, plus underhanded, spoiled, and reckless. What the fuck? No beating, no cursing, no threats, no hair pulling? Anything other than just a lecture? This is some bullshit right here.
Dad finally asks what the fuck is bothering his demon spawn, and she tells him that it's the engagement. Daddy is not surprised by this news, and what the hell? Why did you lie to Carol then and say that Dawn wasn't bothered by the marriage if you fucking knew?
They talk about it and everything seems okay when they get home. I hate this shit, the girl fucked up and doesn't even get grounded for this shit? Not even a stern lecture? I can't believe this. They get home and Jeff is all, 'I would have gone with you, if you had told me.' Seriously, what the fuck? That is some fucked up behavior there. Daddy needs to get his kids some fucking therapy if they do this every time they want something.
Of course, everyone's acting like Dawn is coming home from college, the way they act. THE BITCH STOLE HER FATHER'S FUCKING CREDIT CARD AND RAN AWAY BECAUSE HE WAS MARRYING SOMEONE SHE DIDN'T LIKE. SHE HAS NOT APOLOGIZED, SHOWN REMORSE AND HAS MADE HERSELF THE VICTIM. THIS IS THE BEHAVIOR OF A MOTHERFUCKING SOCIOPATH, FOLKS!
Jeff comes in and tells Dawn that Daddy and Carol had a fight the night she left. Jeff says that he was playing checkers with Carol when Daddy was on the phone with Sharon, and I am so glad that Sharon made up the fact that Jeff was crying to make Dawn feel worse, I love it! Carol wanted to stay and help, Daddy told her to go home, Carol said she would just worry, she's a part of the family now. Daddy says that this something he needs to work out with Sharon and Dawn. Carol is all, 'I know, there'll always be something more important than me', Daddy blows up and calls her selfish. FUCKING HELL, CAROL! I WAS ON YOUR SIDE BEFORE, BUT THIS IS BULLSHIT! THE MAN YOU LOVE DAUGHTER'S MISSING, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW! I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED BECAUSE SAID DAUGHTER IS A HOSEBEAST, BUT FUCKING HELL!
So, Jeff says that Carol cried and threw her engagement ring on the floor and BITCH DID NOT! Even if you're mad, you never throw the ring. You could have happened it back or kept it, but you never throw the diamond. They got back together and know Daddy has to fix the fucking ring. And if you only been engaged a fucking day and your fiancee already has done something to piss you off so bad, you threw the damn ring at him, maybe you shouldn't get married in the first place.
Carol comes by later and talks to Dawn. Dawn says she's sorry about spoiling her happy time and Carol should run, far and fucking wide at this point. It's not meant to be. Dawn says that her dad is happy and they hug it out as friends. And Dawn has to 'force a smile' because she's still a bitch.
Chapter 12
Mal and Jessi write Dawn a letter about how pissed they are that she was in town and didn't tell them. Because the junior officers would have been the first ones that she called.
They are sitting at the Pikes and the triplets and Nicky get into a fight. This leads Nicky to wish they never come back, throw hissy fit when they don't and call them stupid when they do. And that's all I'm recapping from those goddamn people. Sorry.
Chapter 13
Back at Dawn's, everyone is tense and pissed off. Daddy is throwing shit fits at everything and Carol is quiet and barely talks. It's driving the princess crazy, because she never knows what the fuck she wants.
The WLKC(Remember them? This book was supposed to be about them?) were upset at Dawn for pulling the stunt she pulled. The club is still disorganized, at least Sunny brought a fucking calendar this time. The problem is that none of this bitches know how to read it, they keep double booking themselves. Dawn has to take a job for Sunny for the DeWitts on a day when she has to babysit for Stephie earlier.
Dawn picks up Stephie at school and Stephie tells her about this story that she wrote and wants to dedicate to Dawn. They run into a friend of Stephie and Stephie refers to Dawn as her mommy. While that is cute, it still makes me feel squicky. They stop for a snack and go home to read Stephie's story. And I'm not snarking it, it's adorable and fucking allergies started acting up again. Long story, it's about a flower and a little girl. It basically says that Stephie's mom is watching over here. Stephie named the flower after Dawn. Fucking allergies, I tell you....
So about the time Dawn has to leave, Joanna calls and is barely able to say she is going to be late. Stephie is upset Dawn has to leave and is lonely and Dawn tries to compare it to her situation. Fuck that shit, Stephie lost her mom and only has her dad, nanny and a handful of people. Dawn has the world revolve around her and sadly always will, it's not the same thing. Fuck Dawn.
Chapter 14
Another WLKC meeting, and fucking Sunny didn't even tell the mother of the first job that she fixed the double booking problem, and the poor woman canceled the goddamn meeting she was supposed to go to. And these bitches fail at life. I don't know what's worse; K-Ron's iron fist, or the stupidity of these hippies.
A meeting is called, and of course these bitches can't hold a simple converstation without veering off the course and Dawn has to take over. They decided on regular meeting times, telling the clients to call Sunny's during meeting hours and use the fucking record book. And it only took fourteen fucking chapters to figure that shit out. I would offer them a cookie, but fuck them. They get no cookie.
Dawn goes to Stephie's to tell her the good news and Stephie has the best reaction, 'I can't believe you girls are thirteen and you just thought of that.' And congrats Dawn. You just got schooled by a little kid. Fucking moron. Stephie shows Dawn her book and the cover shows the flower cradling a little girl. The flower has long blonde hair and of course, Dawn is all, 'It's me? Isn't it?' Stephie is like, 'No. Haven't you ever heard of fiction?'
Dawn goes home and calls Mary Anne and K-Ron and tells her about the changes in the club. K-Ron emos that the club wouldn't be as famous as the WLKC and everyone has to kiss K-Ron's ass about how the club is awesome thanks to her and I don't give a shit, moving on.....
Chapter 15
Let's wrap this shit up quick. Dawn is home with Jeff while Daddy and Carol are out. Jeff is torturing Dawn with crappy jokes when Daddy and Carol come home. In the middle of a fight.
This is gonna be good.
They are fighting about how Carol wants to spend alone with Daddy and Daddy says that he's not young anymore, he doesn't want to go out every night. Carol feels that she's comes last, and fuck, the kids always need to come first, Carol! Maybe Sharon coming before is bad, but the kids should come before you. I'm not saying that Dawn shouldn't be let off the hook for her behavior, but the kids come first. Daddy says that Carol always pushes herself to the top of the list. They back and forth.....You're old, you're a whore, little dick, asshole. Things like that, until finally it goes quiet and Jeff thinks they killed each other.
Carol starts to cry, Daddy voice goes, 'soft and comforting'. Jeff is all, 'Oooh, they're making up' , with a wicked grin. Okay, what the fuck goes on in that house, if crying and a soft voice means that they making up? And what fucking kid wants to hear their parents have sex? I'm grown and married myself and even if my parents were still together, I still wouldn't want to hear that shit. EWWWW......
Dawn and Jeff go downstairs to eat, and Carol leaves and says goodbye. It's over. Good job, Dawn. You still get no cookie. Daddy says that it's not Dawn's fault, that he and Carol had problems a long time ago. Then why did you fucking propose, numbnuts? The worst part is, Dawn didn't learn a goddamn thing. She says that the next time Daddy meets someone, she can handle it maturely and calmly. Then she proceeds to find the piece of paper with Daddy's credit card number on it and tear it up, 'just in case.'
FUCK YOU DAWN WITH A CHAINSAW THAT MOVES! FUCKING HELL, I HATE YOU! THANK CHRIST, I FINISHED THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. I HAVE ANOTHER GIRL TALK SNARK UP HERE: http://bleeding-thorn2.livejournal.com/1374.html
AND BY REQUEST: I HAVE ORDERED 34 OF THE SLEEPOVER FRIENDS BOOKS. THEY ARE COMING MONDAY. SO EXPECT TO SEE SNARKS OF THOSE UP ON LIVEJOURNAL SOON.
FINALLY, TIME TO PICK ANOTHER BOOK! VOTE AND I'LL POST THE FIRST PART OF A NEW SNARK ON MONDAY! ENJOY YOUR THANKSGIVING!
TIME TO VOTE! YOUR CHOICES ARE:
#46-Mary Anne Misses Logan or Mary Anne Vs. Logan if you prefer first.
#12 Claudia and the New girl
#42 Jessi and the Dance School Phantom
SS#9 Starring the Babysitters Club
SS#5 California Girls
Cast your votes! First part should be up Monday! Thank you for reading and all your comments, you guys rock!