#58- Stacey's Choice 1-5
The Baby-Sitters Club #58: Stacey’s Choice
Ok, I chose to snark this book because I only read it once so I cant remember it at all. Also, the back description ensured plenty o exaggerated family drama, of which I have expressed my love of many times over. I thought it would be fun to snark a book that was basically a brand new read. I didn't even read the other snarks on here, to make sure no “surprises” were ruined.
[Spoiler (click to open)]
There aren't actually any surprises, bee tee dubs.
As usual, I will be adding my own chapter titles because I like it and its fun and no one can stop me because it’s my snark. Your move, Ann.
Chapter One: “It is a truth universally acknowledged….”
My first impression of the book is that I accidentally grabbed a Jane Austen novel, seeing as it begins with a nervous Mr. Bingley, played by Mallory Pike, courting a lovely Jane Bennett (played by the coy Anastasia McGill) thru the autumn leaves, all the while commenting on the beauty of the seasons. As teens do. “Four stars!”, said nobody ever. The dashing duo continue their promenade, spewing word vomit concerning seasons and the differences between Stoneybrook and NYC. I don't actually care because most rational people understand that small towns are different then big towns and don't go tooting their own horn over being savvy to said fact. Stacey goes on to declare that her life is RIFE with drama! She then generously admits that maybe some other kids have more drama but hers is in the top twenty percent. I think that’s pretty fucking dramatic, but probably an accurate portrayal of how most teens think their life is SO MUCH HARDER than anyone else’s. My problem with that is the inconsistent characterizing of the members. One minute they are pretty normal (if annoying teens), the next they are mini adults who are wiser than Dumbledore himself. Makes for completely unbelievable and unrelate-able characters. Her reasoning for putting herself in the top twenty percent of teens is justified (in her mind) by her parents divorce and her re-location to a town where she already had friends. Now, Im not saying that divorce and moving around aren't dramatic and painful and cause mental and emotional anguish; but considering that 50% of all North American kids will go thru a divorce, I think putting yourself in the top twenty percent is pretty rich. I mean, thinking about it, Dawn’s situation is way more dramatic; Stacey’s parents are only like an hour away from each other.
Stacey gets home after promising to call on Mr. Bing- I mean Mallory later that afternoon for some baby-sitting, which means we get to witness the antics of the Pike family waaaayyyyy too early in a non-Mallory book. She notices her mom seems super tired (a long weekend at a singles convention, perhaps?). Aimless chatter ensures, leading into the very special dia-beetus lesson and the upcoming BSC meeting at 5:30, because otherwise, how would we have a chapter two? And without a chapter two, the world would implode. Oh, and on the subject of the club, as a mom who works a 40 hour a week 8-5 job, I can tell you right now that there is no time in the entire day MORE inconvenient than 5:30-6:00 on a weekday. I am either sitting in traffic cursing like a sailor, or I have just walked in the door and I’m trying to change, greet my husband and son, start dinner, or supervise my son and his friends who may be over to play. And that’s considering that I have the help of my husband, which we all know the wives of Stoneybrook desperately lack. Anyway, Stacey tells her mom to go take a nap, she will fix dinner after the meeting when suddenly, the phone rings! Alas! It is not Sam, that foxy Thomas man who Stacey hints may be a gentleman caller of hers, but her dad. Father dearest has gotten a major promotion and can finally buy Stacey’s love the way she deserves. There is going to be a big dinner, and even though no one else at the dinner is bringing their kid, Ed says Stacey must go since he now runs this town, Jay-Z style. Stacey is encouraged to buy some new clothes and put it on the charge card; he’ll pay back her mom later. Yours truly, Stacey. Love, Amex.
Stacey heads to the Pikes, where they are weirdly ordering cheap products from the back of catalogues. The first alarm should have gone off when someone hears Vanessa proudly mention she sent off five dollars for “bust enhancer”. Considering AMM’s usual chosen oblivion over such stuff, this seems risque. And awkward since Vanessa is NINE. Mallory and Stacey exchange a look, but laugh it off since the kids are entertained. And sending money to completely bogus merchants. Haha! It’s so funny when kids get ripped off and lose their faith in the goodness of people. Fun fact: Adam mentions a NAME BRAND: Even Flo Bottle Liners.
Chapter Two: Cuz I’m Leaving…On a Midnight Train to Georgia
Stacey and Mallory talk about the baby sitting job all the way to the BSC meeting because they have boring two dimensional characters. Its a chapter two, so we’ll just highlight some parts and add graphics to make it more entertaining and less enraging. Hl, it works for Buzzfeed, am i right folks?
-Claudia is not fat or thin; she’s just right. What does that even mean? Also, Claudia is always thoughtful, which might kind of be true. She usually doesn't come across as malicious in the books, even in the ones where the whole group is sucky, with just a few exceptions.
-TOTAL judgement here on Stacey’s part when she talks about Mary Anne finally being happy since she got a “real family” after her dad remarried, but STACEY, smart girl she is, says SHE believes having just one other person can be a real family. While that I think thats true, its just SO bitchy of her to say since Stacey is projecting what she has as a family as right, and being condescending that Mary Anne can’t see that. Sounds like something someone who was quite self concisous of having a small family would say to make herself feel better.
-Dawn won’t compromise. I’ll let you guys just soak that “fact” in.
-Jessi and Mal love to read. Nope, thats all you guys are getting about the junior members character traits/appearances.
-They use money from dues to help Claudia pay her phone bill and pay Charlie, and replace items in the kid-kit. And sponsor sleep overs. Last snark I read, they had $9.14 in the treasury. So….ok. I see Ann’s love of 1950’s culture also trickles into her idea of the value of a dollar in 1992. SIGH. Despite the fact that I have work tomorrow, its time to start drinking.
-The talk turns to the Pike’s new found love of ordering stuff and Dawn brings up ordering cassettes from “a club”. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT, the Columbia cassette club! Me, my mom, and my sister all did it (the family that scams together, stays together) and I clearly remember ordering the “Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack” and a Gin Blossoms cassette. Simpler times, folks. Simpler times.
-Kristy mentions a similar experience where she ordered some music was upset that the music was done by a cover band and not by the original, new, hip artists such as Gladys Knight and Buddy Holly. Enjoy this cover version of Gladys Knight, my friends.
-Plans for a Saturday shopping excursion. Mal and Jessi can’t go. Finally, a sentence in the book I like.
Chapter Three Sales Discount Stacey Shops for Shit
Mr. Spier is taking Dawn, Mary Anne, and Stacey for the shopping trip, where they meet Kristy reading a Sports Illustrated. Ill leave you to google some recent SI covers and let your mind wander freely. Claudia arrives WITH NO OUTFIT DESCRIPTION, and the party gets started. Everything everyone else tries to show Stacey is unacceptable and she has a snide remark about all of them (Mary Anne picks out something for a grandma, Dawn picks out something floral that wasn’t “wild” enough”), but Stacey lets them know confidently she will “find something”, which I guess is a passive aggressive way of telling them to stop trying because they aren't good enough. They don't find any clothes at Bellair’s so they go to the scandalous…wait for it….wait for it…are you ready to get up? To fetch your socks I’m about to blow off? ITS ZINGYS TIME. And here, at the scandalous Zingy’s, does our fair Stacey get her outfit. She will be wearing: a hot pink (the book makes sure to let us know its fake) silk jacket that goes to her knees, black leggings, pink and black socks, and black body suit. So apparently, Ed’s new job is at…Cirque Du Soleil? I have no idea. I have….just….I….not even in 1992…I….help? I feel like my retinas would burn out of my skull at this sight. Claudia actually “draws in her breath”. So would I, but that be because the outfit caused a seizure. I keep envisioning a flamboyant Mr. Peanut.
Stacey gets home and is all ready to show her mom her new legume costume, but her mom is
laying on the couch, coughing and sick. She is super tired and Stacey notices, but doesn't seem to take it serious. Her mom praises her outfit, and Stacey wonders what her mom did all day while she spent her fathers money. Her mom admits she didn't do much, but she does have a second interview at Bellair’s. This is supposedly shortly after the divorce that happened back in book #28, so don’t even try figuring out the time warp and all thats happened in the “short” amount of time that has passed in the last 30 books. Stacey’s only concern is that if her mom gets the job, they get a store discount, so she begs her mom to do well on the interview. Empathy? What is this word?
The chapter ends with Stacey being super excited about the NYC weekend coming up. Muhahahaha.
Chapter Four: Another baby-sitting chapter, now with the Barretts! *head explodes*
Dawn is babysitting kids. And its the Barretts, which involves the Pike’s ordering scheme.
Highlights/Comments:
-Rec rooms. LOL. Even single moms in Stoneybrook with three kids can afford housing that has not only enough rooms, but a whole huge extra room just for play. Because, reasons.
-These dumb ass kids are ordering all kinds of things. K, where is the money coming from, and why have no parents noticed? I hate SB parents. Also, let’s remember the time period. To order something from a catalogue, you had to actually cut out the paper, write down your info, and get a stamp. NO PARENT HAS CAUGHT ON TO THIS YET. I cant even with the Stoneybrook parents.
-Not only has Vanessa Pike ordered bust enhancer, she just got a bottle of freckle remover. Sounds like Mrs. Pike (if she could be bothered to take notice in what was going on) needs to have a talk about self confidence and self acceptance.
-Dawn encourages this nonsense by telling them they will all be getting tons of mail now, isn’t that great? No, Dawn. It’s not great, which you know because you clearly talked about how the cassette club ripped you off by enrolling you in auto shipments and charging you full price without disclosing that to you originally in Chapter 2. PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER! Get out the damn Mystery notebook, scribble out a chart, make some flash cards, do something, just BE SMARTER.
Chapter Five: You know who doesn't feel well and is in the hospital? Your mom! (too soon?)
Stacey has a V.I.T. Alas, that is not something that needs amoxicillin, but stands for a Very Important Test. Ah, I see what you did there. Yet, I am not amused. But what’s this? A voice over the intercom, demanding one Stacey McGill come to the office immediately. There is no time to cure finish the V.I.T, she must bring her jacket and rush to the office. My heart palpitates and I struggle to pull the wretched pages from my whitened knuckles to see what happens next; curse you Ann! Oh what, what will become of the V.I.T.? Mr. Zizmore (SIGH) tells her that even though her paper is only half finshed, they will make an alternate plan since she’s a good student. The fuck? So if she was a bad student and had an emergency and had to leave school, it’d be tough luck? God, I hope Claudia never needs to leave school suddenly. Mr. Sizmore, you could be a BSC member; they too reserve empathy only for those they deem worthy. Anyways, so our dashing heroine rushes to the office to find that her mother was at the job interview and collapsed; she is being rushed to the hospital. Mrs. Pike is coming to get Stacey, and there is a weird sentence where one of the secretaries, Mrs. Downey says “Mallory Pike’s mom. She said she’s a good friend of your mother?”. Why….why….the emphasis there? It sounds accusing. Try writing that out in an otherwise innocent sentence. “Your mother is coming over with the appetizers.” “Did you hear that your mother got the job?” “Your mother’s irritable bowel syndrome is acting up again.” LORD.
We get some unsnarkable text about rushing to the hospital, but don't get your panties too wadded up, as this immediately becomes about Stacey again- she lets us know how many hospital terms she knows from all the time she has spent in them, unfortunately. Shut your face, McGill, before I shut it for you. We then are uncomfortably thrust back into feeling sorry for her as she worries it might be something that means srz bizness, as she had a friend whose mom went in for something minor and they found out she had leukemia.
Turns out the old Maur-sters has pneumonia , but gets to go home. Mrs. Pike makes plans to get Mrs. McGill's car from the parking deck and get her medicine filled for her, and then asks Stacey is she will be ok home with Maureen. I hate Stacey again when she “confidently” replies she knows lots about being a patient. Stacey, ever the f-ing victim.
The BSC members take turns calling, demanding where she was after school and why she missed *gasp* the meeting. Claudia asks if she will be in school tomorrow and it dawns on Stacey that she isn't sure if she can make her dad’s promotion dinner!!
The suspense. It burns.