Karen's Doll (14-20)
My spacebar is broken-ish (it works but I have to MASH it) so it's gonna be really hard to type in that condition but we're doing this. We're making this happen.
Chapter 14
Karen doesn't want to go to the big house today because Lisa is expecting her to come back with Hyacynthia, because Karen is an idiot and decided to start a chain of lies and convoluted schemes instead of just getting the doll back/explaining the mix-up. Lisa says she misses Hyacynthia, which actually means, "My mother spent $80+ dollars on this doll and she'd BETTER not have fucking lost her." Karen takes it to mean that Lisa actually misses the doll. Because she's stupid as hell, she goes to her room in the big house thinking Hyacynthia is going to magically appear there. And if she did, she would probably get to blame Morbidda Destiny for it. She watches a TV show from the 50s to cheer her up. The 90s was one of THE very best decades for kids shows, yet everyone in Stoneybrook is watching Mr. Ed and Leave It to Beaver instead of Rugrats and Clarissa Explains It All. Kristy reads her Aesop's Fables that night and Karen laments that there is no fable about giving dolls away. No, but there are plenty of fables about the consequences of stupidity. Karen is so super distracted all day and instead of sitting her down and asking her what's wrong, like a competent family, her family just shrugs it off.
Karen floats her way through her big house weekend in a depressed haze without one single family member actively attempting to address what is the matter with her, and when Lisa picks her up and asks where the hell Hyacynthia is, Karen tells her she lost her. Okay, let me get this straight: Karen refused to tell Lisa that she'd lent the doll to Nancy because she was afraid to get in trouble. She then refused to tell Nancy that the doll wasn't for keeps because she didn't want to get in trouble. She THEN refused to tell Lisa that Nancy thought the doll was for keeps because she didn't want to get in trouble. Now, she thinks the best way to stay out of trouble is to tell Lisa SHE LOST THE FUCKING DOLL? Which is what Lisa was being a total hardass on NEVER, EVER DOING?!
...So, we have Claudia who is the "Asian Airhead" because she has a hard time academically and is intelligent outside of school. Then we have Karen who is the "Gradeskipping Child Genius" because she excels academically and is DUMB AS A BUCKET OF ROCKS outside of school. So in Stoneybrook, your intelligence is entirely based around whether or not you get As in school. Okay, thank you for clarifying, Ann and Ghosts. I am not saying children can't be stupid. In fact, most children are incredibly stupid. But you can't take a stupid child and praise and cheer about how much of a child prodigy they are. It just makes it look like you think the READERS are stupid.
Also, Mrs. Dawes seems to be a competent mother every other time. Why the shit didn't she call Lisa and clarify that it was okay to give the doll to Nancy? In 3rd grade, I had a "boyfriend" who attempted to give me a family heirloom ring once. The teacher saw this and told him that he needed to check with his parents first before giving that away because "It looks very important, and not like something your parents would want you to give away." Then SHE called the kid's parents and told them, and they told him he could not give the ring away.
Chapter 15
This chapter is called "The Hate Letter." Allow me to remedy that.
*crosses out the chapter title and writes "The Part Where Karen Blames Someone Else for Her Actions YET AGAIN"*
There we go. Anyway, Lisa is of course pissed off about losing the doll. How the hell did Karen come to the conclusion that this would not happen so long as she lied enough? I have a feeling Lisa wouldn't have been even half as upset about the truth! Lisa gives Karen a time-out in her room. Karen then decides that it's all Kristy's fault. Okay, some of it is Kristy's fault. Kristy was an idiot to automatically assume that Karen wanted to give away her special doll for good. But at the same time, Karen was also an idiot for NOT CLARIFYING that it was just a loaner! Kristy specifically asked if she wanted to GIVE anything to Nancy, and therefore if Karen is the super-intelligent child we're supposed to believe she is, she is supposed to think over what the word "give" means and then tell her "No, but there is something I would like to let her borrow" or something along those lines. So it isn't entirely Kristy's fault. It's Karen's. And yes, 7 is old enough to know the difference between lending and giving. Children usually learn that when they get their first library card/start using the school library in around kindergarten. But since Perfect Angel Karen can do no wrong, it's ALL Kristy's fault. So Karen sends hatemail to Kristy, calling her dumb and saying she hates her. And draws...a death symbol on the envelope. Um...does anyone screen Stoneybrook's mail? o.o Karen didn't sign it and no one else is going to know it's from a child. Potential death threats can just pass by unmonitored?
Also, Karen is drawing a death symbol on mail meant for her sister. She should watch enough cartoons to know that the skull and crossbones means "death" or "poison," not "hate" o_o...
Chapter 16
Karen decides to talk to Miss Colman about her problem. I don't see what Miss Colman can tell her that isn't A. obvious or B. something she could have learned from Kristy, Nannie, or any other adult in her family. Karen tells Miss Colman everything from the beginning. "I could tell Miss Colman was thinking about my problem," she said. Yes, she is, and she's probably thinking, "THIS is what passes for a genius child around here?" Miss Colman finally tells her to just friggin' talk to Nancy already which she should have done in the FIRST PLACE, because yes, Nancy was sick, but she's not going to relapse or faint or go into clinical shock over being told she can't keep a doll.
But yet Karen only decides to take Miss Colman's advice when Lisa bans her from bringing a valuable charm bracelet to school due to the loss of Hyacynthia. Realizing she will never get to brag to her classmates about anything ever again, she sets out to tell Nancy the truth.
Chapter 17
This one is called "Stupid Kristy." Indicating that Karen is STILL going to blame Kristy for everything. *headdesk*
First of all, Karen decides that the best way to get the point across is to approach Nancy and go, "The jig is up! Hand over Hyacynthia, you dollnapper." I...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID???? Does she have Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Does something like that show up at such a young age? Her having some kind of personality disorder--likely Narcissistic--is the only thing I can think of. But mental disorders don't exist in Stoneybrook unless they're autism, and even then only really severe non-verbal autism with savant abilities. Oh, and the other overexaggerated, stereotypical mental retardations that the special ed kids had in the book about autism. But no personality disorders or learning disabilities.
Anyway, Karen goes to Nancy's...and tells her everything was all Kristy's fault. She namedrops Kristy all over the place and never once mentions her own part. She finishes with "It was stupid Kristy who made you think she was for keeps!" After she tells the story she puffs out her chest with pride, all set and ready for Nancy to be mad at Kristy. But Nancy isn't mad at Kristy, she's mad at KAREN. Nancy realizes that it's all Karen's fault and that now she is trying to pin it all on her sister, and Nancy does NOT approve. Nancy yells at Karen that she's stupid and that her doll is stupid and tells her to just take her. Karen has the nerve to tell her, "I am not talking to you. You and Hannie can be Two Musketeers for all I care!" Okay, this is just shitty. Just plain undeniably SHITTY. Hannie had absolutely NOTHING to do with this. She wasn't even featured in the BOOK for more than a few sentences. And yet Karen is perfectly willing to rope Hannie into this just because she's angry with NANCY for daring to call out the princess on her shitty attitude? That is bullshit. What the hell did Hannie do to deserve this besides exist and happen to be friends with someone Karen is currently angry with? That is absolutely HORRIBLE.
And then she gets home and THROWS Hyacynthia. I can't. I'm gonna blow a gasket...
Chapter 18
Seth and Lisa come into Karen's room to have a talk with her. Y'know, about THROWING her porcelain REAL ENGLISH baby doll at them. Karen tells Lisa and Seth the truth finally, but still goes "BUT KRISTY DID IT." Lisa and Seth immediately forgive her. Not a word about how she shouldn't blame Kristy for her own stupidity when Kristy only contributed 2 percent of the stupidity. They then tell her she'll patch things up with Nancy because she always does because of the status quo of Karen's hivemind. They leave her alone and she immediately starts hugging and cuddling Hyacynthia and cooing over how glad she is to have her back.
You know what? As someone who has eight dolls and who sees dolls as friends and companions, NEVER as bragging rights rewards, Karen's view of Hyacynthia absolutely slays me. Dolls are meant to be loved and cherished. All any doll wants, from an expensive REAL JAPANESE balljoint to a Monster High doll, is the love and companionship of their girl or boy. And here comes Karen, who claims to love her baby doll Hyacynthia and yet throughout this entire book, she's used her as a trophy, mishandled her, used her to make her rival jealous, used her to be praised for being "such a good friend," and then finally threw her in anger. And yet this is Karen's doll, when Nancy was the one to keep her company, talk to her, hold her, let her sleep beside her on her pillow, handcraft special clothes and accessories for her. I feel like this poor doll got shafted in the worst possible way. It almost makes me want to write an alternate ending where Lisa and Seth go, "You know what? Since you failed to care for this doll, she belongs to Nancy now." It's just incredibly sad to see how Karen not only doesn't give a shit about her friends, her siblings, or her pet fish, but she doesn't give a shit about her toys either. Hell, she freaking "adopted" a surrogate grandmother just so she could use her to brag about how she has more grandmothers than everyone else! What exactly does this girl care about? Her rat? The little kitten she adopts in one of the later books? I'd hate to read that she mistreats/ignores the rat and the kitten too...
Chapter 19
Nancy is still pissed at Karen, causing Karen to have to be paired up with Natalie instead of Nancy in gym. Oh HORROR OF UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS! Karen is bored without Nancy so that's why she wants her back. But then Nancy decides to be the one to apologize and patch things up, because she is always the bigger person whenever they have a fight. Why couldn't there have been a book series about Nancy? Or Natalie? It would have been much more refreshing to read about a genuinely good, empathetic 7-year-old girl. Instead we got "Karen the ideal child." If Ann had ever had a child like Karen, I have a feeling she would have quickly learned she is anything BUT ideal.
Karen decides to give Nancy "joint custody" of Hyacynthia. Lisa approves, and now Kristy's on the phone.
Chapter 20
Kristy is MUCH calmer with Karen about receiving such unjustified hate mail (with a DEATH SYMBOL on it, no less) from her sister than most 13-year-olds would be. Kristy asks what the hell did she do, and Karen explains but now everything is okay because she got her doll and her hivemind back. Kristy still apologizes for causing such a mess. Kristy, don't apologize, you only caused 2 percent of the mess okay?
Karen and Nancy take Hyacynthia for a ride in her doll stroller. This girl has an entire stroller just for this doll? And it's not a little doll pram...it's the actual size of a baby stroller. They go out pushing the stroller together and everything is right with the world.
Next: Abby and the Best Kid Ever
Chapter 14
Karen doesn't want to go to the big house today because Lisa is expecting her to come back with Hyacynthia, because Karen is an idiot and decided to start a chain of lies and convoluted schemes instead of just getting the doll back/explaining the mix-up. Lisa says she misses Hyacynthia, which actually means, "My mother spent $80+ dollars on this doll and she'd BETTER not have fucking lost her." Karen takes it to mean that Lisa actually misses the doll. Because she's stupid as hell, she goes to her room in the big house thinking Hyacynthia is going to magically appear there. And if she did, she would probably get to blame Morbidda Destiny for it. She watches a TV show from the 50s to cheer her up. The 90s was one of THE very best decades for kids shows, yet everyone in Stoneybrook is watching Mr. Ed and Leave It to Beaver instead of Rugrats and Clarissa Explains It All. Kristy reads her Aesop's Fables that night and Karen laments that there is no fable about giving dolls away. No, but there are plenty of fables about the consequences of stupidity. Karen is so super distracted all day and instead of sitting her down and asking her what's wrong, like a competent family, her family just shrugs it off.
Karen floats her way through her big house weekend in a depressed haze without one single family member actively attempting to address what is the matter with her, and when Lisa picks her up and asks where the hell Hyacynthia is, Karen tells her she lost her. Okay, let me get this straight: Karen refused to tell Lisa that she'd lent the doll to Nancy because she was afraid to get in trouble. She then refused to tell Nancy that the doll wasn't for keeps because she didn't want to get in trouble. She THEN refused to tell Lisa that Nancy thought the doll was for keeps because she didn't want to get in trouble. Now, she thinks the best way to stay out of trouble is to tell Lisa SHE LOST THE FUCKING DOLL? Which is what Lisa was being a total hardass on NEVER, EVER DOING?!
...So, we have Claudia who is the "Asian Airhead" because she has a hard time academically and is intelligent outside of school. Then we have Karen who is the "Gradeskipping Child Genius" because she excels academically and is DUMB AS A BUCKET OF ROCKS outside of school. So in Stoneybrook, your intelligence is entirely based around whether or not you get As in school. Okay, thank you for clarifying, Ann and Ghosts. I am not saying children can't be stupid. In fact, most children are incredibly stupid. But you can't take a stupid child and praise and cheer about how much of a child prodigy they are. It just makes it look like you think the READERS are stupid.
Also, Mrs. Dawes seems to be a competent mother every other time. Why the shit didn't she call Lisa and clarify that it was okay to give the doll to Nancy? In 3rd grade, I had a "boyfriend" who attempted to give me a family heirloom ring once. The teacher saw this and told him that he needed to check with his parents first before giving that away because "It looks very important, and not like something your parents would want you to give away." Then SHE called the kid's parents and told them, and they told him he could not give the ring away.
Chapter 15
This chapter is called "The Hate Letter." Allow me to remedy that.
*crosses out the chapter title and writes "The Part Where Karen Blames Someone Else for Her Actions YET AGAIN"*
There we go. Anyway, Lisa is of course pissed off about losing the doll. How the hell did Karen come to the conclusion that this would not happen so long as she lied enough? I have a feeling Lisa wouldn't have been even half as upset about the truth! Lisa gives Karen a time-out in her room. Karen then decides that it's all Kristy's fault. Okay, some of it is Kristy's fault. Kristy was an idiot to automatically assume that Karen wanted to give away her special doll for good. But at the same time, Karen was also an idiot for NOT CLARIFYING that it was just a loaner! Kristy specifically asked if she wanted to GIVE anything to Nancy, and therefore if Karen is the super-intelligent child we're supposed to believe she is, she is supposed to think over what the word "give" means and then tell her "No, but there is something I would like to let her borrow" or something along those lines. So it isn't entirely Kristy's fault. It's Karen's. And yes, 7 is old enough to know the difference between lending and giving. Children usually learn that when they get their first library card/start using the school library in around kindergarten. But since Perfect Angel Karen can do no wrong, it's ALL Kristy's fault. So Karen sends hatemail to Kristy, calling her dumb and saying she hates her. And draws...a death symbol on the envelope. Um...does anyone screen Stoneybrook's mail? o.o Karen didn't sign it and no one else is going to know it's from a child. Potential death threats can just pass by unmonitored?
Also, Karen is drawing a death symbol on mail meant for her sister. She should watch enough cartoons to know that the skull and crossbones means "death" or "poison," not "hate" o_o...
Chapter 16
Karen decides to talk to Miss Colman about her problem. I don't see what Miss Colman can tell her that isn't A. obvious or B. something she could have learned from Kristy, Nannie, or any other adult in her family. Karen tells Miss Colman everything from the beginning. "I could tell Miss Colman was thinking about my problem," she said. Yes, she is, and she's probably thinking, "THIS is what passes for a genius child around here?" Miss Colman finally tells her to just friggin' talk to Nancy already which she should have done in the FIRST PLACE, because yes, Nancy was sick, but she's not going to relapse or faint or go into clinical shock over being told she can't keep a doll.
But yet Karen only decides to take Miss Colman's advice when Lisa bans her from bringing a valuable charm bracelet to school due to the loss of Hyacynthia. Realizing she will never get to brag to her classmates about anything ever again, she sets out to tell Nancy the truth.
Chapter 17
This one is called "Stupid Kristy." Indicating that Karen is STILL going to blame Kristy for everything. *headdesk*
First of all, Karen decides that the best way to get the point across is to approach Nancy and go, "The jig is up! Hand over Hyacynthia, you dollnapper." I...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID???? Does she have Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Does something like that show up at such a young age? Her having some kind of personality disorder--likely Narcissistic--is the only thing I can think of. But mental disorders don't exist in Stoneybrook unless they're autism, and even then only really severe non-verbal autism with savant abilities. Oh, and the other overexaggerated, stereotypical mental retardations that the special ed kids had in the book about autism. But no personality disorders or learning disabilities.
Anyway, Karen goes to Nancy's...and tells her everything was all Kristy's fault. She namedrops Kristy all over the place and never once mentions her own part. She finishes with "It was stupid Kristy who made you think she was for keeps!" After she tells the story she puffs out her chest with pride, all set and ready for Nancy to be mad at Kristy. But Nancy isn't mad at Kristy, she's mad at KAREN. Nancy realizes that it's all Karen's fault and that now she is trying to pin it all on her sister, and Nancy does NOT approve. Nancy yells at Karen that she's stupid and that her doll is stupid and tells her to just take her. Karen has the nerve to tell her, "I am not talking to you. You and Hannie can be Two Musketeers for all I care!" Okay, this is just shitty. Just plain undeniably SHITTY. Hannie had absolutely NOTHING to do with this. She wasn't even featured in the BOOK for more than a few sentences. And yet Karen is perfectly willing to rope Hannie into this just because she's angry with NANCY for daring to call out the princess on her shitty attitude? That is bullshit. What the hell did Hannie do to deserve this besides exist and happen to be friends with someone Karen is currently angry with? That is absolutely HORRIBLE.
And then she gets home and THROWS Hyacynthia. I can't. I'm gonna blow a gasket...
Chapter 18
Seth and Lisa come into Karen's room to have a talk with her. Y'know, about THROWING her porcelain REAL ENGLISH baby doll at them. Karen tells Lisa and Seth the truth finally, but still goes "BUT KRISTY DID IT." Lisa and Seth immediately forgive her. Not a word about how she shouldn't blame Kristy for her own stupidity when Kristy only contributed 2 percent of the stupidity. They then tell her she'll patch things up with Nancy because she always does because of the status quo of Karen's hivemind. They leave her alone and she immediately starts hugging and cuddling Hyacynthia and cooing over how glad she is to have her back.
You know what? As someone who has eight dolls and who sees dolls as friends and companions, NEVER as bragging rights rewards, Karen's view of Hyacynthia absolutely slays me. Dolls are meant to be loved and cherished. All any doll wants, from an expensive REAL JAPANESE balljoint to a Monster High doll, is the love and companionship of their girl or boy. And here comes Karen, who claims to love her baby doll Hyacynthia and yet throughout this entire book, she's used her as a trophy, mishandled her, used her to make her rival jealous, used her to be praised for being "such a good friend," and then finally threw her in anger. And yet this is Karen's doll, when Nancy was the one to keep her company, talk to her, hold her, let her sleep beside her on her pillow, handcraft special clothes and accessories for her. I feel like this poor doll got shafted in the worst possible way. It almost makes me want to write an alternate ending where Lisa and Seth go, "You know what? Since you failed to care for this doll, she belongs to Nancy now." It's just incredibly sad to see how Karen not only doesn't give a shit about her friends, her siblings, or her pet fish, but she doesn't give a shit about her toys either. Hell, she freaking "adopted" a surrogate grandmother just so she could use her to brag about how she has more grandmothers than everyone else! What exactly does this girl care about? Her rat? The little kitten she adopts in one of the later books? I'd hate to read that she mistreats/ignores the rat and the kitten too...
Chapter 19
Nancy is still pissed at Karen, causing Karen to have to be paired up with Natalie instead of Nancy in gym. Oh HORROR OF UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS! Karen is bored without Nancy so that's why she wants her back. But then Nancy decides to be the one to apologize and patch things up, because she is always the bigger person whenever they have a fight. Why couldn't there have been a book series about Nancy? Or Natalie? It would have been much more refreshing to read about a genuinely good, empathetic 7-year-old girl. Instead we got "Karen the ideal child." If Ann had ever had a child like Karen, I have a feeling she would have quickly learned she is anything BUT ideal.
Karen decides to give Nancy "joint custody" of Hyacynthia. Lisa approves, and now Kristy's on the phone.
Chapter 20
Kristy is MUCH calmer with Karen about receiving such unjustified hate mail (with a DEATH SYMBOL on it, no less) from her sister than most 13-year-olds would be. Kristy asks what the hell did she do, and Karen explains but now everything is okay because she got her doll and her hivemind back. Kristy still apologizes for causing such a mess. Kristy, don't apologize, you only caused 2 percent of the mess okay?
Karen and Nancy take Hyacynthia for a ride in her doll stroller. This girl has an entire stroller just for this doll? And it's not a little doll pram...it's the actual size of a baby stroller. They go out pushing the stroller together and everything is right with the world.
Next: Abby and the Best Kid Ever