Dawn's Wicked Stepsister Part 2!
This book...man, this book. It's so awful. I have never seen such massive acts of bitchitude before. If you could strangle an e-book, I would. I want to reach in and slap Dawn across the face. Instead I'll just point out what an all around unpleasant hose beast she is. Be forewarned, there is a lot of cursing in this snark. I couldn't express myself in a calm demeanor because this shit is insane. I hate Dawn.
Part 1!
Chapter 6
Starts with one of Claudia's horrible notebook entries. Seriously, how did she pass third grade? It's totally ridic. She's also bitching that Mal was being a pain in the ass. In the notebook. Where Mal can read it. Ann really does hate Mal. So Mal is half sitting with Claudia as Mrs. Pike is taking the triplets to the doctor because little kids are always coming down with something. The remaining kids decide to play hospital and it's really boring.
And what was the horrible things Mallory did to get Claudia to make bitch face? Be bored and ask for something to drink. Really? Talk about making a big deal over nothing. Again this just reeks of Ann hates Mal. Claudia says that being sick sucks but doesn't show much sympathy. When my friends are sick I want to do everything I can for them. I never get frustrated that they're bored of all things. Hell, I do what I can to entertain them. Claudia should have offered to draw Mal like one of her French girls, that would have been entertaining. Mrs. Pike comes home and it turns out that the triplets have pneumonia. Frankly if I was Mrs. Pike I would have told my kids they need lots of rest so there's four less kids running around.
Chapter 7
Opens with Dawn complaining. What. A. SURPRISE. And as 3_foot_6 pointed out, the things she's complaining about have nothing to do with her. What does it matter how Richard organises his clothes? How does she even know?! Did she go peek in his closet to make sure it was as messy as Sharon's? Wtf, man? She also complains that Richard put organisers in the fridge and the silverware drawer. What? What?! You mean that Sharon just threw everything in a drawer willy-nilly? Who the fuck is that messy? Me and my aunt are the messiest people I know but we as sure as shit don't get offended over silverware organisers! And why the fuck does Dawn complain about that?! 'Oh, no! I can find a fork too easily! I liked how hard it was before! I liked shuffling through a pile of silverware and risk getting stabbed with a knife! It was the one adventure in my life! Curse you, Richard!' Shut the fuck up, Dawn!
She complains about things Richard is doing before she's even awake. How the Hell does she know his morning routine? Does she have a bunch of cameras hidden around the house? She even knows in what order he reads his paper! And how much coffee he drinks! The what the fuckery is off the scale! And again! None of this affects her in any way! She's just looking for a reason to be a bitch. It's the same as it was with Carol. These people are doing nothing to agitate her but she still acts like a bitch! Seriously! What did she do? Throw vinegar on a cactus and shove it up her ass? There's no reason to be acting like this!
Man, I'm pissed. But at least I'm seeing where Dawn gets her shitty attitude because Sharon has it too. She reads the newspaper and 'strews it around the living room' and God, Sharon! You're an adult! Who does this? She also leaves her nightgown and wet towels all over the bathroom. What? Like I said, I'm messy and I don't do this shit because I'm a fucking adult. How fucking hard is it to throw that shit in the hamper? And then she has the nerve to get mad when Richard picks up after her. Again, what?! When someone picks up after me I'm grateful! One less thing I have to do! Maybe if Sharon didn't act like a child Richard wouldn't treat her like one.
Then Dawn bitches about how Richard only wants to do boring things. Like watch a play, go the an art museum or eat at a nice restaurant. All of those things sound awesome to me. I love doing those things. She actually says she'd rather baby-sit. Oh, yeah? Even if it was with Jenny or Jackie? Because you bitch about that too. There is so much going on that just points out that Dawn is a mental case. And a damned hypocrite. Like get this-Sharon cooks them vegetarian meals that MA and Richard don't like. People who try to convert others diets drive me up the fucking wall but that's a story for another time. So Richard asks Sharon can't they have a little meat sometimes and Sharon, showing her bitch gene she passed to her kids, says 'Have it at lunch during the week, Then I won’t have to look at it.' Because if other people have a diet different to her's, she gets offended. I'm sure their are perfectly nice vegetarians out there but ones who act like this make me want to strangle a cow. And Dawn's take on this exchange? 'In all honesty, I think Mom can go a little overboard. That was a rude comment. She didn’t have to talk to Richard like that.' No shit! But you get to act like he's a fucking member of the Gestapo because he organised your silverware drawer. I hate Dawn.
Because she hasn't complained enough over nothing to do with her, Dawn bitches that there's Tigger fur on Mary Anne's bed. What a tragedy. How can Dawn live like this?! Oh, yeah, by taking her stupid nose out of others business and that massive stick out her ass. Like, how does this affect her at all? He's not on her bed! He's on his mommy's! Cabby and Jynxie sleep on my bed and yes, there's cat hair but no one in my family gives a fuck. She's bitching and bitching about Richard being uptight when she has a fukkin' maypole up her ass! And the part that really gets me, the part where I want to run over Dawn and Ann with a combine harvester, is that we're supposed to side with her. That her heinous attitude is justified as poor put upon Dawn, her life is so hard. I just don't get it.
What's this? Dawn complaining over nothing at all? Why, call Satan! Let him know to break out his ice skates! What's her latest complaint? Well, it's that Tigger, who is eating in the kitchen, has smelly cat food. God, what? You cannot smell cat food from that far! I feed Jynxie in my room because otherwise Cabby eats everything (he's my Ziggy Piggy) and her food dish is about three feet away from my bed and guess what? I can't smell a thing. Must be because Dawn is a massive bitch that it gave her dog powers. Now it could be that he has canned food and I'll admit, wet cat food is stinky but you still can't smell it from that far away. Christ, Dawn!
She also complains that she feels like a stranger in her own house and I'm kinda torn on this. I get this feeling a lot when we have company I don't know over. But! I have severe social anxiety. And even when I'm on my meds it affects me. It helps, like at Easter I didn't change out of my pyjamas and wore shorts even though I hadn't shaved my legs. I just don't care for holidays. Exept Halloween. Anyway, Dawn has little reason to complain about this because she knows and assumedly loves Richard and Mary Anne and does not suffer social anxiety. And they're so flippin' nice to her! They both smile and Richard serves her breakfast and what the fuck is she complaining about!? This should have been a Mary Anne book about her dealing with massive bitch Dawn and pot head woman-child Sharon.
Richard announces it's spring cleaning time and both Sharon and Dawn cringe. Sharon's idea of cleaning is to wipe everything to the floor and leave it there. And when MA goes cleaning it up Dawn tells her that's rude and get this, that Sharon 'doesn't know what she's doing'. What. The. Fuck. Fucking four year old Jenny knows how to clean up after herself! Is Sharon seriously dumber than a four year old little girl?! Shit! Put Sharon on anti drug posters because they obviously turn you into a simple minded idiot who can't use an dustpan and broom. You know in The Grudge that noise the ghost makes? That's the sound going through my brain right now. This is just so stupid! Are we really supposed to sympathise with these idiots?
Then to 'get back' at MA for wanting the floor clean, she sneaks into their parents bedroom and switches some of Richard's socks...I can't even...Dawn you are a fucking mental case! Richard did nothing to you! Nothing! There is absolutely no excuse for this kinda behaviour! What the Hell is wrong with Dawn?! She's a goddamn sociopath! And what does she think she's gonna gain from this?! That Richard will break down crying that his navy sock is with his brown ones? No! He'll probably just think 'Oops' and switch them back. She also 'accidentally' drops a tissue on his side of the room...Dawn...I hate you. I hate you so much.
That night everyone's worn out but Sharon because you know, she didn't do shit except make more mess because she's dumber than a kid not even old enough for kindergarten. And oh, Richard was upset about his sock. Was it everything you hoped for Dawn? Did it make you happy in your psychotic black husk of a heart? Are you happy that you stressed out someone who has been nothing but nice to you because you were mad at an entirely different person? Congrats! You're a horrible person! Are we supposed to think 'Hee hee! That man who did nothing and is nice really got what was coming to him! That'll teach him to have a daughter with a kitten and read his newspaper in a certain order!' To Hell with that! I feel sorry for him for having and insane little bitch as a stepdaughter. God...I'm not even half through with this shitty book. Send me bacon and a Starbucks.
There's some more stupidness about cleaning up after dinner or continue to watch a movie. And this is the only time I will side with the Stupfers. It doesn't seem totally ridiculous to wait half an hour before doing the dishes. Richard and Mary Anne clean up and Dawn acts like it's some kind of big insult. Dawn, you are the worst. You're as bad as stupid bitch Kristy. How the Hell has someone not popped a cap in her ass yet? She's awful! Oh, and then poor little Tigger gets sick and barfs on a rug. And Sharon, showing that she can be a bitch too, yells at MA. Dawn even points out that Sharon never cared about the rugs being clean before. So Sharon is a stupid bitch too. Because even though she's as dumb as a brain dead troglodyte when it comes to cleaning and MA cleaned up the mess right away, it puts her in a bad mood. Shut up, Sharon.
Chapter 8
Opens at a BSC meeting and there having a little trouble filling jobs with Mal out of commission. Yet Kristy doesn't complain or call Mal and demand she gets better...so weird. And stupid because fuck Kristy and her 'the club is the centre of the multiverse' attitude. Stacey asks everyone what they're wearing for some dance that's going on. Again with the random dances. At least we know SMS has it's priorities straight when it comes to spending their budget. Dances good! Education bad! Everyone is going except Jessi and Dawn. Jessi's too young and no one invited Dawn. I have a good laugh because obviously no boy was stupid enough to ask her bitch ass out. Oh, and Claud has globe earrings which I also totally had in the 80s. I was the earring queen back in the day.
At home MA is getting ready for the dance and asks Dawn to help her pick an outfit. And guess what happens? No really guess! You'll never get it! Aha! Dawn complains! Oh, wow! Where did that come from?! It's so unexpected! Shit, this makes Fight Club's twist look like amateur hour! Does M. Night Shama-whatever know he'll never reach that level of amazing shock?! Aahhhhh! This book is driving me insane! It's a good thing Jynxie is next to me so I can rub kitty belly and calm down. And she's snoring. Hrroooo, hrrooo.
Rather hilariously, MA is totally rubbing in that she's going to the dance while no boy wanted to go with the queen of the harpies. And really, this is the only mean behaviour Mary Anne has shown. And can you blame her? And she's only teasing you, Dawn. If I had to live with you I'd beat you with my Hello Kitty bat. ♪Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.♫ In a beautiful piece of hypocrisy MA says that when you have a boyfriend you want to look your best for him. Dawn says she would want a guy she can be a slob around. Dawn, I hate you. You change for a guy more often than you change your underwear. She's trying to sound all smart and individual and feminist but all her actions point the other way. So, just shut up.
After MA leaves, Dawn calls Jeff because surely he'll understand her. Now maybe it's just me but I have always hated Jeff. I can't even figure out why. He just seems like such an annoying little brat. Anyway, she talks with him for a bit and tells him about Richard's sock and of course since they're two little shits they laugh about it. Because it's so funny when someone who has done nothing gets upset! Tee hee! You little scamps! You know, the whole Schafer family sucks. They're all a bunch little brats. Parents included. The other BSC families have at least one tolerable person but all the Schafers are asses.
Mary Anne comes home and again is obviously trying to make amends by telling Dawn that she should have come and everyone missed her. That's the stupidest thing, ain't it? The very idea that people would miss Dawn. Just get a dentist drill and have it complain about red meat and bam! You have Dawn! MA tells Dawn all about the dance and they're friends again. Dawn wonders if this emotional roller coaster is what being a sister is all about. I can't say because I don't have siblings. And really Dawn, you're the main instigator in the fights. Mary Anne did little. Sure she was rubbing in having a boyfriend but what else has she done. Catch a bouquet, win a baby-sitting job by chance and have a cat. It's so confusing. And maddening
Chapter 9
*sigh* Stacey baby-sitting at the Pikes. It turns out Nicky broke some of his fingers so he's out of commission too. I'm trying to slough through this mess but they're showing Pacific Rim and it's really hard to focus on dumb 'cute' kid antics when there's giant robots fighting giant monsters. And Idris Elba. Seriously, what a cutie.
So Claire and Margo are still playing their hospital game and coming up with all these insane scenarios and I laugh like Hell because Stacey is all 'That's not how I played doctor as a kid'. Yeah, I'll bet it's not. I'm sure your games involved a lot of 'examinations'. Anyway, while she's watching the younger girls Vanessa goes off to ride her bike and of course crashes and sprains her ankle. Ma and Pa Pike are like 'Good gravy, I need my sanity back'. I can understand that but at the same time less kids running around. Frankly if I had to deal with that many kids, I'd be slipping Ny-quil in their kool-aid.
Chapter 10
Is at a BSC meeting and Dawn arrives there before Claudia and God, Claudia may be stupid as Hell but she sure is nice. Her parents too. I can't think of any teen that can just come over to their friend's house without them being there. MA had gone to Kristy's house that day and they come to the meeting together. For some reason MA is mad at Dawn again. Did something happen off screen? They were just friends again! My guess is Kristy started shit-talking Dawn because she wants Mary Anne all to herself. I would't put it past her.
Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. I hate you. Why? Well besides the obvious, get this-MA and Kristy saw something and are going to tell the rest of them. And Dawn, that self-centred bitch of skank, says she feels left out. Even though none of the other girls knew what they saw. Even though MA is telling her and everybody else right now, at the same time. Can you believe it? Did she just expect Mary Anne to say 'I'll tell the rest of you in a minute! But first I have to speak privately to Dawn about the thing she was gonna find out anyway'. How ridiculously self important can you get? I hate you, Dawn. I would set you on fire and make s'mores. And meat kabobs, you stupid little twit.
So the big news is that there's a 'For sale' on MA's old house. Why this counts as big news I'll never know. Claudia says she hopes a family of cute boys moves in and Kristy makes a face and hopes they have lots of kids. Good God, it's true. Kristy stalks new families in hopes of having them as clients. It occurs to me that Kristy is boring as Hell. All she thinks about are sports and baby-sitting. And when it comes to kids she's a fucking maniac. I know people with kids that don't think that much about kids. Shut up, Kristy. You're damned creepy.
Mary Anne and Dawn bond again because they get a call for sitting for Jenny and neither want to take it. Aww, isn't that cute? They bonded over their hatred of an innocent little girl! A little girl who just wants to dress pretty and keep clean. I hope when Jenny's older she gets into Lolita fashion and makes mega bucks making dresses and doing photo shoots. And the beloved Karen ends up in a mental hospital for stabbing someone thinking they were a witch. They also get news that Claire and Margo are getting sick and I really don't care. I just think that if the Pike parents can't handle that many kids being sick at the same time, they shouldn't have had so many damn kids.
The meeting adjourns and Kristy invites Mary Anne to her house. And Dawn gets mad. What a twist! She's all butthurt because she wants Mary Anne to be home? What? All you've done is bitch about her and how you hate having her around and now you want her all to yourself? What the Hell is wrong with you?! Are you mad at her or not? Do you only want her around for personal verification that people like you? Aren't you supposed to be the 'individual'? Do you really need MA there 24/7 saying what a great person you are? Get your head out your ass and realise you are not the centre of the universe! So basically this book is just Dawn bitching about how no one's paying the right attention to poor little Dawn. Even when they do pay attention she bitches about it. Like Richard and MA smiling at her and serving her breakfast. I don't think Dawn was dropped on her head as a baby. I think she was put into an industrial rock tumbler.
Part 1!
Chapter 6
Starts with one of Claudia's horrible notebook entries. Seriously, how did she pass third grade? It's totally ridic. She's also bitching that Mal was being a pain in the ass. In the notebook. Where Mal can read it. Ann really does hate Mal. So Mal is half sitting with Claudia as Mrs. Pike is taking the triplets to the doctor because little kids are always coming down with something. The remaining kids decide to play hospital and it's really boring.
And what was the horrible things Mallory did to get Claudia to make bitch face? Be bored and ask for something to drink. Really? Talk about making a big deal over nothing. Again this just reeks of Ann hates Mal. Claudia says that being sick sucks but doesn't show much sympathy. When my friends are sick I want to do everything I can for them. I never get frustrated that they're bored of all things. Hell, I do what I can to entertain them. Claudia should have offered to draw Mal like one of her French girls, that would have been entertaining. Mrs. Pike comes home and it turns out that the triplets have pneumonia. Frankly if I was Mrs. Pike I would have told my kids they need lots of rest so there's four less kids running around.
Chapter 7
Opens with Dawn complaining. What. A. SURPRISE. And as 3_foot_6 pointed out, the things she's complaining about have nothing to do with her. What does it matter how Richard organises his clothes? How does she even know?! Did she go peek in his closet to make sure it was as messy as Sharon's? Wtf, man? She also complains that Richard put organisers in the fridge and the silverware drawer. What? What?! You mean that Sharon just threw everything in a drawer willy-nilly? Who the fuck is that messy? Me and my aunt are the messiest people I know but we as sure as shit don't get offended over silverware organisers! And why the fuck does Dawn complain about that?! 'Oh, no! I can find a fork too easily! I liked how hard it was before! I liked shuffling through a pile of silverware and risk getting stabbed with a knife! It was the one adventure in my life! Curse you, Richard!' Shut the fuck up, Dawn!
She complains about things Richard is doing before she's even awake. How the Hell does she know his morning routine? Does she have a bunch of cameras hidden around the house? She even knows in what order he reads his paper! And how much coffee he drinks! The what the fuckery is off the scale! And again! None of this affects her in any way! She's just looking for a reason to be a bitch. It's the same as it was with Carol. These people are doing nothing to agitate her but she still acts like a bitch! Seriously! What did she do? Throw vinegar on a cactus and shove it up her ass? There's no reason to be acting like this!
Man, I'm pissed. But at least I'm seeing where Dawn gets her shitty attitude because Sharon has it too. She reads the newspaper and 'strews it around the living room' and God, Sharon! You're an adult! Who does this? She also leaves her nightgown and wet towels all over the bathroom. What? Like I said, I'm messy and I don't do this shit because I'm a fucking adult. How fucking hard is it to throw that shit in the hamper? And then she has the nerve to get mad when Richard picks up after her. Again, what?! When someone picks up after me I'm grateful! One less thing I have to do! Maybe if Sharon didn't act like a child Richard wouldn't treat her like one.
Then Dawn bitches about how Richard only wants to do boring things. Like watch a play, go the an art museum or eat at a nice restaurant. All of those things sound awesome to me. I love doing those things. She actually says she'd rather baby-sit. Oh, yeah? Even if it was with Jenny or Jackie? Because you bitch about that too. There is so much going on that just points out that Dawn is a mental case. And a damned hypocrite. Like get this-Sharon cooks them vegetarian meals that MA and Richard don't like. People who try to convert others diets drive me up the fucking wall but that's a story for another time. So Richard asks Sharon can't they have a little meat sometimes and Sharon, showing her bitch gene she passed to her kids, says 'Have it at lunch during the week, Then I won’t have to look at it.' Because if other people have a diet different to her's, she gets offended. I'm sure their are perfectly nice vegetarians out there but ones who act like this make me want to strangle a cow. And Dawn's take on this exchange? 'In all honesty, I think Mom can go a little overboard. That was a rude comment. She didn’t have to talk to Richard like that.' No shit! But you get to act like he's a fucking member of the Gestapo because he organised your silverware drawer. I hate Dawn.
Because she hasn't complained enough over nothing to do with her, Dawn bitches that there's Tigger fur on Mary Anne's bed. What a tragedy. How can Dawn live like this?! Oh, yeah, by taking her stupid nose out of others business and that massive stick out her ass. Like, how does this affect her at all? He's not on her bed! He's on his mommy's! Cabby and Jynxie sleep on my bed and yes, there's cat hair but no one in my family gives a fuck. She's bitching and bitching about Richard being uptight when she has a fukkin' maypole up her ass! And the part that really gets me, the part where I want to run over Dawn and Ann with a combine harvester, is that we're supposed to side with her. That her heinous attitude is justified as poor put upon Dawn, her life is so hard. I just don't get it.
What's this? Dawn complaining over nothing at all? Why, call Satan! Let him know to break out his ice skates! What's her latest complaint? Well, it's that Tigger, who is eating in the kitchen, has smelly cat food. God, what? You cannot smell cat food from that far! I feed Jynxie in my room because otherwise Cabby eats everything (he's my Ziggy Piggy) and her food dish is about three feet away from my bed and guess what? I can't smell a thing. Must be because Dawn is a massive bitch that it gave her dog powers. Now it could be that he has canned food and I'll admit, wet cat food is stinky but you still can't smell it from that far away. Christ, Dawn!
She also complains that she feels like a stranger in her own house and I'm kinda torn on this. I get this feeling a lot when we have company I don't know over. But! I have severe social anxiety. And even when I'm on my meds it affects me. It helps, like at Easter I didn't change out of my pyjamas and wore shorts even though I hadn't shaved my legs. I just don't care for holidays. Exept Halloween. Anyway, Dawn has little reason to complain about this because she knows and assumedly loves Richard and Mary Anne and does not suffer social anxiety. And they're so flippin' nice to her! They both smile and Richard serves her breakfast and what the fuck is she complaining about!? This should have been a Mary Anne book about her dealing with massive bitch Dawn and pot head woman-child Sharon.
Richard announces it's spring cleaning time and both Sharon and Dawn cringe. Sharon's idea of cleaning is to wipe everything to the floor and leave it there. And when MA goes cleaning it up Dawn tells her that's rude and get this, that Sharon 'doesn't know what she's doing'. What. The. Fuck. Fucking four year old Jenny knows how to clean up after herself! Is Sharon seriously dumber than a four year old little girl?! Shit! Put Sharon on anti drug posters because they obviously turn you into a simple minded idiot who can't use an dustpan and broom. You know in The Grudge that noise the ghost makes? That's the sound going through my brain right now. This is just so stupid! Are we really supposed to sympathise with these idiots?
Then to 'get back' at MA for wanting the floor clean, she sneaks into their parents bedroom and switches some of Richard's socks...I can't even...Dawn you are a fucking mental case! Richard did nothing to you! Nothing! There is absolutely no excuse for this kinda behaviour! What the Hell is wrong with Dawn?! She's a goddamn sociopath! And what does she think she's gonna gain from this?! That Richard will break down crying that his navy sock is with his brown ones? No! He'll probably just think 'Oops' and switch them back. She also 'accidentally' drops a tissue on his side of the room...Dawn...I hate you. I hate you so much.
That night everyone's worn out but Sharon because you know, she didn't do shit except make more mess because she's dumber than a kid not even old enough for kindergarten. And oh, Richard was upset about his sock. Was it everything you hoped for Dawn? Did it make you happy in your psychotic black husk of a heart? Are you happy that you stressed out someone who has been nothing but nice to you because you were mad at an entirely different person? Congrats! You're a horrible person! Are we supposed to think 'Hee hee! That man who did nothing and is nice really got what was coming to him! That'll teach him to have a daughter with a kitten and read his newspaper in a certain order!' To Hell with that! I feel sorry for him for having and insane little bitch as a stepdaughter. God...I'm not even half through with this shitty book. Send me bacon and a Starbucks.
There's some more stupidness about cleaning up after dinner or continue to watch a movie. And this is the only time I will side with the Stupfers. It doesn't seem totally ridiculous to wait half an hour before doing the dishes. Richard and Mary Anne clean up and Dawn acts like it's some kind of big insult. Dawn, you are the worst. You're as bad as stupid bitch Kristy. How the Hell has someone not popped a cap in her ass yet? She's awful! Oh, and then poor little Tigger gets sick and barfs on a rug. And Sharon, showing that she can be a bitch too, yells at MA. Dawn even points out that Sharon never cared about the rugs being clean before. So Sharon is a stupid bitch too. Because even though she's as dumb as a brain dead troglodyte when it comes to cleaning and MA cleaned up the mess right away, it puts her in a bad mood. Shut up, Sharon.
Chapter 8
Opens at a BSC meeting and there having a little trouble filling jobs with Mal out of commission. Yet Kristy doesn't complain or call Mal and demand she gets better...so weird. And stupid because fuck Kristy and her 'the club is the centre of the multiverse' attitude. Stacey asks everyone what they're wearing for some dance that's going on. Again with the random dances. At least we know SMS has it's priorities straight when it comes to spending their budget. Dances good! Education bad! Everyone is going except Jessi and Dawn. Jessi's too young and no one invited Dawn. I have a good laugh because obviously no boy was stupid enough to ask her bitch ass out. Oh, and Claud has globe earrings which I also totally had in the 80s. I was the earring queen back in the day.
At home MA is getting ready for the dance and asks Dawn to help her pick an outfit. And guess what happens? No really guess! You'll never get it! Aha! Dawn complains! Oh, wow! Where did that come from?! It's so unexpected! Shit, this makes Fight Club's twist look like amateur hour! Does M. Night Shama-whatever know he'll never reach that level of amazing shock?! Aahhhhh! This book is driving me insane! It's a good thing Jynxie is next to me so I can rub kitty belly and calm down. And she's snoring. Hrroooo, hrrooo.
Rather hilariously, MA is totally rubbing in that she's going to the dance while no boy wanted to go with the queen of the harpies. And really, this is the only mean behaviour Mary Anne has shown. And can you blame her? And she's only teasing you, Dawn. If I had to live with you I'd beat you with my Hello Kitty bat. ♪Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.♫ In a beautiful piece of hypocrisy MA says that when you have a boyfriend you want to look your best for him. Dawn says she would want a guy she can be a slob around. Dawn, I hate you. You change for a guy more often than you change your underwear. She's trying to sound all smart and individual and feminist but all her actions point the other way. So, just shut up.
After MA leaves, Dawn calls Jeff because surely he'll understand her. Now maybe it's just me but I have always hated Jeff. I can't even figure out why. He just seems like such an annoying little brat. Anyway, she talks with him for a bit and tells him about Richard's sock and of course since they're two little shits they laugh about it. Because it's so funny when someone who has done nothing gets upset! Tee hee! You little scamps! You know, the whole Schafer family sucks. They're all a bunch little brats. Parents included. The other BSC families have at least one tolerable person but all the Schafers are asses.
Mary Anne comes home and again is obviously trying to make amends by telling Dawn that she should have come and everyone missed her. That's the stupidest thing, ain't it? The very idea that people would miss Dawn. Just get a dentist drill and have it complain about red meat and bam! You have Dawn! MA tells Dawn all about the dance and they're friends again. Dawn wonders if this emotional roller coaster is what being a sister is all about. I can't say because I don't have siblings. And really Dawn, you're the main instigator in the fights. Mary Anne did little. Sure she was rubbing in having a boyfriend but what else has she done. Catch a bouquet, win a baby-sitting job by chance and have a cat. It's so confusing. And maddening
Chapter 9
*sigh* Stacey baby-sitting at the Pikes. It turns out Nicky broke some of his fingers so he's out of commission too. I'm trying to slough through this mess but they're showing Pacific Rim and it's really hard to focus on dumb 'cute' kid antics when there's giant robots fighting giant monsters. And Idris Elba. Seriously, what a cutie.
So Claire and Margo are still playing their hospital game and coming up with all these insane scenarios and I laugh like Hell because Stacey is all 'That's not how I played doctor as a kid'. Yeah, I'll bet it's not. I'm sure your games involved a lot of 'examinations'. Anyway, while she's watching the younger girls Vanessa goes off to ride her bike and of course crashes and sprains her ankle. Ma and Pa Pike are like 'Good gravy, I need my sanity back'. I can understand that but at the same time less kids running around. Frankly if I had to deal with that many kids, I'd be slipping Ny-quil in their kool-aid.
Chapter 10
Is at a BSC meeting and Dawn arrives there before Claudia and God, Claudia may be stupid as Hell but she sure is nice. Her parents too. I can't think of any teen that can just come over to their friend's house without them being there. MA had gone to Kristy's house that day and they come to the meeting together. For some reason MA is mad at Dawn again. Did something happen off screen? They were just friends again! My guess is Kristy started shit-talking Dawn because she wants Mary Anne all to herself. I would't put it past her.
Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. I hate you. Why? Well besides the obvious, get this-MA and Kristy saw something and are going to tell the rest of them. And Dawn, that self-centred bitch of skank, says she feels left out. Even though none of the other girls knew what they saw. Even though MA is telling her and everybody else right now, at the same time. Can you believe it? Did she just expect Mary Anne to say 'I'll tell the rest of you in a minute! But first I have to speak privately to Dawn about the thing she was gonna find out anyway'. How ridiculously self important can you get? I hate you, Dawn. I would set you on fire and make s'mores. And meat kabobs, you stupid little twit.
So the big news is that there's a 'For sale' on MA's old house. Why this counts as big news I'll never know. Claudia says she hopes a family of cute boys moves in and Kristy makes a face and hopes they have lots of kids. Good God, it's true. Kristy stalks new families in hopes of having them as clients. It occurs to me that Kristy is boring as Hell. All she thinks about are sports and baby-sitting. And when it comes to kids she's a fucking maniac. I know people with kids that don't think that much about kids. Shut up, Kristy. You're damned creepy.
Mary Anne and Dawn bond again because they get a call for sitting for Jenny and neither want to take it. Aww, isn't that cute? They bonded over their hatred of an innocent little girl! A little girl who just wants to dress pretty and keep clean. I hope when Jenny's older she gets into Lolita fashion and makes mega bucks making dresses and doing photo shoots. And the beloved Karen ends up in a mental hospital for stabbing someone thinking they were a witch. They also get news that Claire and Margo are getting sick and I really don't care. I just think that if the Pike parents can't handle that many kids being sick at the same time, they shouldn't have had so many damn kids.
The meeting adjourns and Kristy invites Mary Anne to her house. And Dawn gets mad. What a twist! She's all butthurt because she wants Mary Anne to be home? What? All you've done is bitch about her and how you hate having her around and now you want her all to yourself? What the Hell is wrong with you?! Are you mad at her or not? Do you only want her around for personal verification that people like you? Aren't you supposed to be the 'individual'? Do you really need MA there 24/7 saying what a great person you are? Get your head out your ass and realise you are not the centre of the universe! So basically this book is just Dawn bitching about how no one's paying the right attention to poor little Dawn. Even when they do pay attention she bitches about it. Like Richard and MA smiling at her and serving her breakfast. I don't think Dawn was dropped on her head as a baby. I think she was put into an industrial rock tumbler.