#76 Stacey's Lie
Hello, folks! I hope everybody (in America) had a good Thanksgiving. This book is called Stacey's Lie, but perhaps it ought to have been called Stacey is a Spoiled Brat and Her Parents Aren't Nice Either, Nor Are Her Friends. Though I don't think that would have fit on a BSC cover. It's also got some hilarious bawdy subtext that I can only hope is completely accidental, because Damn.
We open with Stacey on the phone, assuring her father that there's "No problemo" with switching her next New York visit to this coming weekend. It's the first paragraph of the book, and I'm already shaking my head. Even in the rare event of a totally amicable divorce, I'm pretty sure the father would have to ask the mother before arranging an unsupervised train trip out of state. I absolutely refuse to believe that in a divorce as angry as the McGills', Stacey doesn't have her Dad Weekends court-ordered and set in stone a year in advance. But that's nothing compared to what Stacey's dad is going to pull later, so I'll let it go.
Just as Stacey hangs up, Maureen comes in with the groceries. Her face hardens when she hears Stacey's been talking to her father.
Stacey explains the change of plans she's already arranged, and mentions that the change was made so her father could attend a conference. Maureen makes a crabby remark about her husband's obsession with work, which is pretty rich considering what her ex is paying in child support so that she and Stacey can own a house in small-town affluent Connecticut while he keeps the apartment in Manhattan.
Stacey defends her father; she was only going to go to a movie with Robert this weekend anyway. It's not that big of a deal to change her plans. I feel kind of hurt for Maureen, since her only daughter doesn't even realize that she's also not going to be able to spend any time with her mother that weekend, and perhaps Maureen cares about that more than Robert.
Stacey adds that the change is fortuitous, because Sunday is Father's Day, and that way she'll be able to give him his present.
Maureen wonders aloud if that's the real reason Stacey's father changed dates.
Stacey wonders why her father wouldn't have just said that, and Maureen bad-mouths her ex to his daughter once again by remarking that he never talks about feelings. Then she takes off her beige blazer and puts an apron over her "cream-colored silk shirt and matching slacks." This outfit sounds frumpy to me, but from what I can remember it was the height of Working Mom Chic in 1994.
Stacey privately remembers the fighting before the divorce, and how nobody seemed to have any trouble expressing emotions then.
She takes a carrot and goes to do her homework.
Talking about Maureen's excellent cooking skills is the segue into a description of diabetes that is, as far as I can tell, free of glaring errors for a change. Though I do smile when assures us that diabetes doesn't interfere with her doing whatever she wishes to do. I wonder what Stacey would do if her diabetes suddenly required her to wear un-dibble thick comfy diabetic socks with sturdy shoes all the time. Claudia would probably steal the socks to use as a dibble scarf, for one thing.
At dinner, Maureen chats about her job as a buyer for Bellaire's. I wonder how many tween girls had their hearts broken when they found out that a buyer for a major department store is not really an entry-level position once can just take up after having been a housewife for thirteen years. Anyway, Maureen had a difficult time at work today, because instead of the black, red and blue coats she ordered, the clothing company sent her fake fur with zebra, leopard and tiger stripes-- which Stacey thinks sound awesome.
Maureen says, "Sometimes I wonder why I was so eager to work." Stacey is grateful that her mother decided to get a job, because it means it distracts her from worrying about Stacey. The classist snottiness in these books really snarks itself sometimes. Thank Heaven Mother decided to supplement her extremely generous child support with a job in the fashion industry! Now she has something to do all day besides sitting around worrying!
The next morning, Stacey gets up and puts on "a pair of blue tights, black canvas walking shorts, a long-sleeved, blue T-shirt, and a pair of black flats." She also puts her perm in a bun. My pediatrician wore that exact type of outfit every day in the 80s and 90s, only she wore a long sleeved blue button-down shirt accessorized with a red bow tie. From the neck down, I guess she looked like an aged Stacey. Her face, however, looked uncannily like Grand Moff Tarkin. To this day, whenever we watch Star Wars, my siblings and I always squeal "Look, it's Doctor Freno!"
Stacey looks out the window and realizes that her outfit is "all wrong." But not for the reasons you'd think; it's just that it's too warm out to be dressed like an 80s pediatrician. So she switches it out for a "one-piece shorts-dress," whatever that is, which has a "gold, red and green Aztec-style print" and some woven flats.
She comes downstairs and eats a bowl of sugarless shredded wheat and a glass of juice, which sounds like horrible diabetic food as usual. Have some steak and kale! Maureen laughs that she's also late because she changed her outfit at the last minute; she "can't wear a black gabardine pants suit on a day like today!" Do real people ever talk like this? Have you, the reader, ever walked up to a close family member and started discussing the clothing you almost wore in intimate detail? I've never once told my husband "I was going to go with the Wal Mart brand black fake denim jeans, but as you can see I've instead selected my relaxed fit boot cut actual jeans from Macy's! Tee hee!" It just didn't occur to me.
Stacey tells us her life story, or at least the story of her parents' divorce, as she walks to school.
Robert is waiting for Stacey at SMS. She melts at the very SIGHT of him. He has "broad shoulders," which I don't buy for a moment on a thirteen-year-old boy, and gorgeous dimples.
Robert reminds Stacey that he and his family are going to spend all of August on Fire Island, and I snort. For those of you who don't know, Fire Island happens to be a fairly famous GLBTQ vacation spot, and has been since at least the sixties. In some circles the very mention of "FIRE ISLAND" is considered a homoerotic euphemism. Ann presumably knows that, since her biography states that she and her friends go to Fire Island every year. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but it makes the place an awfully strange choice for the setting of a bland, chaste 1990s children's book about heterosexual teenagers with a crush. It also makes for some extremely funny subtext.
Stacey, understandably, doesn't want to be reminded that her boyfriend with the whimsical dimples is going to FIRE ISLAND for a month. But Robert has more bad news: he's found a summer job that will take him away from Stonybrook for the whole month of July, as well! He's working on the FIRE ISLAND ferry. Because that's a totally normal thing for a teenager without a driver's license or (as far as I know) any experience with ships to be doing. Working on a giant car-intensive boat that goes across the ocean to an island several times a day, and in a different state from his parents at that. Sure.
Stacey is crushed.
She says that's terrible, especially since she has to cancel her date for this weekend as well! She considers skipping the weekend with her father so that she can spend those precious last few days with Robert before he goes to sea. And on that non-cliffhanger, we go to Chapter Two.
Chapter two is, miraculously, not the usual exposition bomb; it's an actual part of the plot.
As Stacey bounces around unattended in the crowd at Grand Central, she contemplates her last day with Robert. They played ping-pong at the community center, and then went to craft fair, where she found a gift for her father. Then they had lunch and exchanged "the most wonderful kiss."
Stacey's lonesome mood begins to lift soon enough, however. She's captivated as usual by the "Big Apple," a name I'm told actual New Yorkers never use. "In this city you'll see people from all over the world-- rich, poor, and every color, shape and size." I don't know what to snark first: the fact that Stacey thinks it's entertaining to look at poor people, or the fact that she just admitted that Stoneybrook has virtually no poor, minority or fat people.
Her father is there to meet her; Stacey is glad to see him, but feels it's silly that she didn't let him hail a cab and go to the apartment by herself.
Her father admits to be a worrier for going to meet his chronically ill thirteen-year-old only daughter instead of letting her travel around New York alone.
Stacey privately admits that being so loved makes her feel "warm inside." She congratulates herself for not canceling the weekend in order to spend more time with Bart.
Stacey's father reacts comically to the heaviness of the bag.
Stacey asides that she's gotten her father a marble chess set from the crafts fair, and it cost almost all of her babysitting money. Finally, they get to East 65th Street. Just for fun, I googled East 65th Street... it's just off Park Avenue and mere blocks from Central Park. I know nothing about New York at all, but judging by the lush trees that line the street, I'm guessing this is one of the ritziest spots imaginable. I also wonder if Stacey ever went to the Pinky Nail Salon, which is a few blocks away. Sounds like her kind of place.
When they get there, Stacey is furious because her father needs to work for a few more hours before he can attend to her every waking moment as usual. Her father, who is paying for a pad on East 65th Street as well as child support and a house in Stoneybrook-- and so generously, I might add, that going back to work was an optional diversion for his able-bodied ex-wife. I think Stacey needs a good hard slap.
Stacey's father pulls out his wallet and says "How would you like to go out and buy yourself a pretty, summery something to wear to dinner tonight? I'll take you to the Lion's Lair." I can't stop imagining him saying that with a jaunty eyebrow waggle. I'm sorry, but that line just sounds really creepy to me, especially since we've already mentioned in other snarks how Stacey's father seems to treat her like a mistress. And it doesn't help that "The Lion's Den" was the name of a chain of nasty windowless adult bookstores in the city where I grew up.
Stacey's father hands her "some bills." She goes off and buys a high-waisted sunflower print pants outfit, which just screams maternity to me. She also buys her father some actual sunflowers for Father's Day. When she gets back, her father explains that this new fax machine of his allows him to "stretch his work day," and Stacey complains to herself about his supposed workaholism. Then the two take a cab to The Lion's Lair. I can only hope that her father saved some of his bills, or how will he compensate the entertainers?
(And for the record, I Googled "The Lion's Lair New York" and got nothing, so I'm stuck with the image in my head.)
At the Lion's Lair, Ed has the stones to remark that he's glad Robert will be gone for the summer-- perhaps Stacey will meet someone she likes even more! Because a new boyfriend is all his little Boontsie can aspire to. She can't, say, take up crochet this summer, or open a lemonade stand, or read a damn book. It's gotta be a boyfriend.
Stacey assures him there's no chance of this.
The two decide to eat on the Lion's Lair's patio. Stacey has shrimp cocktail with no cocktail sauce and a red snapper while her father eats a steak with a fancy French name.
Dad reveals to Stacey that his appointment calendar will be clear for two weeks, since he just faxed a report to a client instead of showing up for a conference! I can't imagine what kind of conference lasts two weeks, but whatever.
Stacey is astounded that her "workaholic" father is taking two weeks off. Usually he'd just send his wife and child on vacation and join them for the weekends! Gee, Stacey, I wonder why he did that? Maybe it's so that he can buy his daughter shrimp cocktail at the Lion's Lair when she visits his swank apartment in Manhattan? Or, you know, so that his work-is-a-distracting-pastime ex-wife can stay with you in her own home in Connecticut? I'd forgotten how completely unlikable the whole McGill family is.
Dad invites Stacey to come with him on a vacation for the full two weeks without asking Maureen. Stacey asks if she should maybe, you know, call her mom to ask about this, and Ed says she can, "but I'm sure it will be fine."
Ed adds that Stacey can choose where to go-- Disney World, California, Europe, anywhere. Europe. He's offering to take his daughter away from her mother unexpectedly for two weeks IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY. Ed must also be shelling out big bucks for whatever divorce attorney came up with this idiotic custody agreement, guys. I don't care what kind of law he practices, the poor man probably turns off the utilities and eats only bread and water when his wife and child aren't around. I'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't creepy as hell.
The next day, the two go to the Museum of Natural History, then to a planetarium and a "CD and tape store near Lincoln Center." They eat dinner in Chinatown and go see a play that night in the West Village. I have only been on such a luxurious weekend once in my life, guys, and it wasn't in NYC; it was in Pittsburgh, on my three-day honeymoon. We stayed in a hotel, went to the Bird Zoo, shopped in a fancy old bookshop and took cabs everywhere. We've promised to do it again some day, when we could afford to, and it's been over four years. Stacey gets to do this every other weekend or whenever she feels like it. And she complains about her father's work habits. Okay, I promise to stop beating this dead horse now. *Slow deep breaths*
Stacey thinks hard about the Europe option, and then decides she wants to save Paris for "a honeymoon with Robert." She briefly considers going to California to visit Dawn, but can't get Robert out of her mind.
Finally, she tells her father where she'd like to go: Davis Park, Fire Island.
Chapter three! Stacey can hardly wait to tell the other sitters at her Monday meeting about her upcoming trip to Davis Park! She says her father had looked surprised at her choice. "He knew about Davis Park, but hadn't expected that I would." I can't not read that in a dirty way. Did you think your daughter would never find out about FIRE ISLAND, Ed? Huh?
Stacey also reveals that she didn't exactly tell her father that Robert was going to be there. This sounds quite spoiled and mean of her, but it's pretty tame to be the titular lie. She didn't even exactly lie; she just omitted the truth. And frankly with how self-centered and immature practically everyone in Stonybrook (and AMM Manhattan) is, I think Ed might have expected something like this. He's the one demanding that his ex give up her daughter for two weeks without being consulted, after all.
At the meeting, Claudia is making a caricature portrait of the BSC, which serves as the vessel for our usual exposition. I'm just going to skip it, and most of this chapter.
Kristy gets the Great Idea that they should use the caricature portrait on posters to scare up more business, and Stacey breaks it to her that she's not going to be around for a few weeks and neither is Claudia-- Claudia has just agreed to go with Stacey to FIRE ISLAND without asking her (Claudia's) parents. Oh, and Stacey hasn't told Claudia about Robert either, even though Claud said she was glad she would be with Stacey and not Robert at FIRE ISLAND. She's afraid Stacey wouldn't pay any attention to her if Robert was around. This whole exchange proves Stacey's breathtaking selfishness, and it's also friggin hilarious because Stace and Claud, subjects of Lord knows how many horrendous slashfic endeavors, are going to FIRE ISLAND together, Claud doesn't want Stace's boyfriend hogging her there, and somehow this got past the editors of a wholesome Scholastic book. And then I laugh again, at the thought of Scholastic having editors.
Then the Junior Sitters reveal that they've taken jobs behind Kristy's back, as junior counselors at a day camp. This is even more ridiculous than Robert getting a job on a ferry, but I'll let it go for now. Kristy's furious that everyone has taken on summer activities without her permission. Stacey invites all of her friends to come spend the Fourth of July with her and her father, whom she hasn't asked for permission to do this, at the end of the vacation. Kristy grudgingly says "maybe." I sure hope Ed's gotten an awfully big hotel room up on FIRE ISLAND, where he was specifically going to spend quality time with his daughter-- not to mention that now he's got to come up with groceries for five extra people for an entire weekend. Also I don't know why inviting the entire babysitting club without asking is worse behavior than the titular lie, but apparently it's fine. Ed never even mentions it.
Chapter four! Stacey and Claud board the train to New York and wave goodbye to Claudia's mother, who took time off work to drive them to the station. When did this become Claudia's parents' problem as well? When you invite somebody on vacation with you, YOU are the one responsible for their transportation. It seems awfully rude to make Rioko take time off work to drive her daughter and her daughter's rich snooty friend to the train station, doesn't it? Especially when Maureen's job is stated to be just a diversion.
On the train, Claudia ups the guilt factor by asking how Stacey feels about being away from Robert for so long. Stacey says "not too bad" and "I'll be all right," and Claudia calls her mature.
Stacey admits to feeling a little guilty about all of this, and wondering if it's the same as a lie.
Stacey hopes that the house Ed rented has big closets for all of their clothes-- because of course, Ed rented an entire HOUSE for a week on Fire Island. I'm surprised he didn't hire a butler and maid as well.
That night, the three of them eat Middle Eastern food in Ed's apartment. Stacey crows that you can't find this kind of food in Stoneybrook and then in the next sentence says that Dawn used to eat the exact same thing at Stoneybrook's only health food store. Then she and Claud watch a Johnny Depp movie because they both think he's "extremely cute."
As they're drifting off to sleep, Claudia calls Stacey a "great friend."
The next morning, they all board a train. A great deal of detail is expended on their exact route to the ferry stop. When they to the ferry, Stacey realizes that there's a chance her father and Claud will see Robert. She makes a great show of running to get to the ferry first; she cries that "I just have to run and see the boat. I just can't wait another minute."
When she gets to the boat, Stacey asks if Robert is there.
The crewman Stacey asks isn't sure whether "the new kid" is on the boat or not, so Stacey forces everyone to stay below deck the whole time, claiming she gets seasick easily. To pass the time, Stacey and Claud take a "test your boy appeal" quiz in a magazine she's brought. And it must be an awfully long quiz, because it lasts them the entire trip.
Stacey remarks upon stepping off the boat that the air on FIRE ISLAND is "salty and fresh." She sees a rotund man in a peach polo shirt pulling a wagon; Ed introduces him as Mr. Stu Majors, who owns a house on Fire Island and was able to get them a rental house on such short notice.
Stacey thinks Mr. Majors must be "a bit nuts" for pulling a wagon; then she realizes that, since Davis Park has no cars, the wagon is for her luggage. Stu Majors points out a house called "Bedside Manor," which is rented by a doctor, as they stroll past. I'm trying to be mature, but the BSC on Fire Island combined with mentions of salty air, nuts and beds is sending my mind straight to the gutter.
The house Ed rented for two whole weeks is called The Sandpiper; it's right on the ocean and has four bedrooms. Stacey and Claud decide to share a bedroom so it will be "more like a sleepover" and also because this chapter didn't have enough innuendo yet. I would expect such things from a Lerangis book, but this is just the normally tame Suzanne Weyn.
Claud and Stacey unpack their bags and go to explore the island, where of course they immediately run into Robert.
I will leave you on that cliffhanger, folks, while I soak my brain in a bucket of bleach. More soon!