Sea City Here We Come part 4
Hey guys, I'm back after a massive break in this with the not at all thrilling or interesting conclusion.
Part One: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/406709.html
Part Two: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/409365.html
Part Three: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/413885.html
Chapter 15 Dawn
Dear Mom and Richard, Today it was cold out!!!! This would never happen in sunny California!! We took the kids to an indoor circus. PS Stacey is acting like a bitch
The chapter opens with "Arrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!" which Dawn assures us is not some outer space creature, but Stacey on her period or something. She storms in from the bathroom waving around some wash cloths insisting Dawn used her towel. Dawn rationally points out that maybe it was one of the 7 Barrett-Dewitt children, and Stacey ignores her and screams some more about towels. Mrs. Barrett comes in to say they're taking the kids somewhere called Smithtown, and Dawn is relieved, hoping Stacey might behave in public. Stacey rants to Dawn about Toby while she's brushing her teeth.
In the kitchen Franklin is trying to be funny and offering to make omelets with pretty much every item in the kitchen, and everyone giggles except Stacey who emits some death glares, but surprisingly doesn't mention her diabetes. The kids don't want to go to Smithtown because they think it's boring, so the adults decide to drop the kids and the blondes off at the circus and then go to Smithtown alone. Dawn hopes the circus will put Stacey out of her bad mood.
It doesn't. Dawn is disappointed because the circus totally sucks, it's a couple crappy tents in a vacant lot. The highlight is when what the kids believe is a wax statue of a bum turns out to be a real person who jumps out yelling about expecting the unexpected at the Dixie brother circus. Dawn also notes that the trapeze act was scary because she thought the shitty tent might fall apart at any moment. The kids were amused by everything though, and that's all that matters. They stop to get a snack and Dawn gets pretzels, and then Stacey goes on about how she wants some peanuts in the shells, so Dawn goes looking all over and doesn't find them, Stacey doesn't believe her, so she looks all over, and there are no peanuts, and she starts whining about how strong her craving is, and maybe she's pregnant and that's the real reason she's such a bitch.
Franklin and Mrs. Barrett (is her name Natalie?) pick them up and Franklin tells them all about how stores are stocking up on hurricane supplies, and Mrs. B mentions how the causeway washed out once in a hurricane, but that wouldn't happen in this day and age! Plus Franklin says it's supposed to be warm and sunny the next day, so they probably won't get that hurricane anyway, it's still by Jamaica. Dawn is relieved for the sunshine, and also because the Harrises are leaving the next day and she can go to Casa de Pike. (who???? Is this a total typo, or was Franklin's last name originally Harris at some point and then switched to DeWitt? I just went back a few pages and it says Harris another time too. What is going on? Omg did I make up Dewitt? Help.)
Chapter 16 Mary Anne
Dear Logan, I hope you're in a better mood than you were yesterday. Not that I was the perfect specimen myself, crying and blowing snot everywhere. Toby and Alex reallyyyy liked you, and they think you look like Cam Geary too, omg! Plus there might be that hurricane. Kisses and stuff, MA
She seriously wrote the words perfect specimen and said Toby and Alex really liked him and thought he looked like Cam. I don't even know what to do with this information.
MA is thinking about how busy Logan is back home because he is the best busboy in the history of busboys, and she is also convinced he is half the reason the restaurant is so busy, because of how cute he is, which makes perfect sense because I am sure most people pick where to eat lunch based on the attractiveness of the 13 year old employees.
Mary Anne is crying so hard when he leaves that she fills the tissue Dawn handed her, so Kristy hands her a beach towel. I'm legit laughing at that one. Her tears are interrupted by Buddy and Nicky in a huge fight over a sand castle they are building. They call each other "Nicky-Nicky-Got-So-Sicky" and "Buddy-Buddy-Elmer-Fuddy" which are some really crappy insults. Then Nicky takes things up a notch and throws some sand in Buddy's face and he cries about his eyes, and the girls separate them, then Stacey snots off that Mal was too busy having fantasies about older boys to watch her kids. Burn.
The next day the girls and Buddy play castles and Nicky and the trips want to see the double feature of Robin Hood and the Sword and the Stone. I hope they are talking about the cartoon versions of both. I used to love the cartoon Robin Hood when I was a kid. Anyway, on the way back from the theatre Claudia points to a lot of cars on the street and says "is it Sunday or something?" which has never made much sense to me. I feel like Saturdays are busier than Sundays...
Anyway the girls come back and the adults are talking seriously, and Mrs. Barrett says "They say the road was fortified a few years ago" and Mr. Pike shoots back with "They say the Titanic was unsinkable" and Claudia asks "Is the Titanic going through the marsh?" ....what? What is WRONG with that girl?!?! They are obviously just discussing the hurricane and whether they should stay or go. After some debate they decide they don't want to risk their vacation ending early over a 50/50 chance of a hurricane. I don't know how I feel about this so I won't comment on whether it was worth the risk or not.
Mary Anne ends the chapter with a tingly feeling, despite the fact that Logan is gone.
Chapter 17 Jessi
Dear Mama and Daddy, Wish me luck, my kids have been making crappy sand castles all week and are convinced they will win a contest, which would be kind of like you winning a NYC Ballet company, Daddy. These other castles are so good the people are building legit sand apartments! If only the contest could be canceled due to weather or something...love, Jessi
Jessi dreams she's dancing on stage with the American Ballet Theater, and then there is an earth quake, and then a violinist shouts "can we make the castles now?" and she wakes up to Claire and Margo jumping up and down on the beds. At 6 am. Mal tells the kids to go get breakfast and let them sleep, but Jessi is too anxious and she ends up staying up anyway. Jessi looks at the dreary weather outside, and writes her family a postcard. She perks up for a minute when Mrs. Pike calls her amazing, which is pretty nice, I'd want props for getting up at 6 am with someone else's annoying kids while on vacation. The contest starts at 10, and by 9:30 Jessi gives in and takes the kids outside to gather Suzi and make their way down the beach.
It's cold out and they all have to bring jackets, and when they make their way to the other end of the beach a lifegaurd informs them that it's canceled due to the bad weather and won't be held until they are all back in the Brook. Claire calls the lifeguard a "silly-billy-goo-goo" but Jessi decides Tropical Storm Bill is her hero.
Chapter 18 Claudia
Deer Carley, I hope Krusty doesn't find out i am riting to someoen thts not a memeber of the club. we are in trafics trying to leave Sea sity. There is a hurrycane!!! if i die you can haev my art supplies! love cluadia! ps. just kiding. maybe.
Claudia begins by telling us that their ears are plastered to the radio, then stops to imagine how gross it would be if their ears were literally plastered to the radio. The news announces Bill has officially been upgraded from tropical storm to hurricane, and there's flooding and shit and Bill is currently in the Carolinas and should hit Jersey by evening. Mr. Pike says they have to leave, but he doesn't think it's safe to drive all the way to Connecticut while in the storms eye the entire way. Then Kristy suggests just going slightly inland to a motel to spend the night. And thank goodness she was there, because surely none of the adults could have come up with such a genius caliber idea. Mr. Pike orders everyone to throw just enough clothes for two days into overnight bags and meet back downstairs in 15 minutes.
Kristy and Claudia run to their shared room and Kristy shoves "a pair of underwear, some socks, and a t-shirt" into a backpack. I respect that she's trying to pack as quickly as possible, but it makes me giggle somewhat that he said enough clothes for 2 days so she shoves in one pair of underwear and one t-shirt. She could have at least sprung for 2 and also a sweatshirt since it's cold, and maybe those things you sleep in called pajamas. I'll let her slide on not adding more pants because she might have only brought one pair of jeans and the rest shorts. Or knowing Kristy, all she packed were the one pair of pants and 2 shirts for a weeklong trip. Moving on.
"I was having a dilemma. I was wearing the only long pants I had packed, these overdyed navy jeans. I was also wearing a loose black cotton sweater over a white tank top. So if I packed my big purple Hawaiian shorts, which were the next warmest pants, I'd be stuck having to wear an orange striped shirt, which was the only long-sleeved one I'd brought. Unless I wore the sweater again over it..." Kristy tells her to hurry the fuck up and runs downstairs. Okay I appreciate the idea of Claudia stopping to ponder her wardrobe while in the middle of quickly grabbing clothes and getting out of a hurricane, I find it hard to believe she doesn't have a second pair of long pants, or a sweatshirt with glitter and pennies and tootsie rolls hot glued to it. I mean this girl has tried to pack winter parkas on August roadtrips. She should have brought clothes for all weather. She ends up throwing in one rainy, cold weather outfit, one rainy, hot weather outfit, and one nice yay the weather is better outfit, declares herself sensible, throws in a huge bag of Mars bars she had saved for a rainy day (literally) and runs down the stairs.
They bring in all the lawn furniture and umbrellas so they don't blow away, Mr. Pike closes circuit breakers, and then they divide into 2 vehicles, doing a head count to declare there are 9 people in one vehicle and 11 in the other. They hit the road and Claudia notes Sea City is now like a ghost town with X's taped on the windows and all that. She's excited at first, but then it gets scary when they find out the causeway is out and no one can leave the island. Everyone has to go seek shelter at an elementary school.
Chapter 19 Stacey
Dear Mom, I am writing this by flashlight, which for some reason makes my handwriting really crappy. I'm safe and dry and I hope this reaches you by mail boat! Luv, Stacey
Okay whyyyy is Mrs. Barrett, who has already been established as a nervous driver, driving in a hurricane instead of Mrs. Pike? Mrs. P trys to keep Mrs. B calm as they navigate their way to the school. Stacey says she is really glad Mrs. Pike is in the car because she spreads the calm all around. They get to the school and park, and make their way inside. The gym has a ton of people, and cots and the windows are boarded up. Dawn comes over and compares it to the SES sleepover.
A guy comes on a bullhorn and announces there is some Red Cross there for anyone who needs first aid, and canned food for everyone to eat, and even ice cream for the kids! All the frowns turn upside down, and they stake out a huge area for their gang of 20 (the adults, Kristy, and Mal are sleeping on the floor, everyone else gets a cot) I can totally see Kristy being selfless like that, but Mal is being shitted on on the floor as usual.
Stacey has canned deviled ham for dinner (is that spam?) and lima beans...those are literally two of my least favorite foods. The kids all announce they forgot pajamas (don't worry, so did Krusty) so Stacey tells them they can sleep in their clothes. The power goes out, everyone has flashlights, they all settle in, the kids argue in the dark, and the BSC saves the day.
Chapter 20 Karen
Dear Granny and Grandad, Hi! We had a hurricane! Omg have you ever been in one? I hope we get a hurricane again someday. Maybe you could visit and see it!
Wtf why would you want your grandparents to purposely visit in hopes of a hurricane? Karen shares her secret wish that her house would blow away in the hurricane and land at her grandparents' farm in Nebraska. It would be the opposite of the Wizard of Oz she explains, because she would go from a colorful place and end up on a farm!
Karen reports that Kristy called Elizabeth to announce the hurricane, then Elizabeth called the little house. I'm kind of thinking no one in S-brook would have known there was a hurricane afoot without Kristy's warning phone call. Andrew looks scared and asks if the rain outside is the hurricane, and Lisa says not yet. Karen spend the evening calling the big house over and over for info on Kristy, but she keeps getting busy signals, and then the phone lines die. The family sits down to watch the news, Seth assures them that since the beaches in New Jersey were evacuated Kristy is probably fine, and then Andrew worries about them not having a boat. They tape up the windows, then the kids go to bed.
Karen talks to her stuffed cat and tries not to sleep, and then she hears a loud crack and runs into her parents' room. They turn on the radio and hear something about clearing debris out of arteries, which Karen thinks means they are cleaning Brie out of someone's arteries and her parents laugh at her.
In the morning they all go outside and assess the damage, which is minor, just some tree branches and stuff. Some neighbor makes a joke about how much fire wood they will have for winter.
Chapter 21 Buddy
Dear Daddy, remember that time you kidnapped me and now I am not allowed to see you and you are never mentioned? I am writing to you anyway. The hurricane was over and we spent it in a gym with a million people and got ice cream and now we are back at our beach house and we are camping because there is no electricity! Love, Buddy
Two kid chapters in a row is like a punishment. Buddy wakes up and eats toast. He is still hungry. The sun is shining, they can leave. Marnie is splashing in puddles, but Buddy gets yelled at when he steps in one. They get back to the beach and Buddy is disappointed at the minor damage and lack of dead bodies, what a little asshole. The garbage cans are gone and Stacey says the fish are using them under water. He tries to give Suzi sludge water and gets yelled at. He picks up trash on the beach with a cop, who randomly calls him Buddy without knowing that's his name. He bonds with his mom over being pioneers.
Chapter 22 Logan
DEAR MARYANNE WELCOME HOME. I AM WRITING YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE ALMOST BACK AND I AM AT HOME ALREADY. REMEMBER HOW ROMANTIC THE HAUNTED HOUSE WAS BEFORE THAT ORANGE SLIME MONSTER POPPED UP? LOVE, LOGAN
Logan is planning a romantic surprise to welcome MA home. He needs help from his friend's dad. This is just so ridiculous, but he is worried she totally hooked up with Alex in Sea City so whatever. MA finally calls and tells him that Alex and Toby were the last cars to make it on the causeway, so they spent the hurricane inland. Logan is relieved and calls himself off the Dorkometer for thinking she and Alex spent the storm having sex in front of the Pikes or something. Anyway, Terry's dad loves his plan and claims it's the kind of thing he would have done for his wife when he was young. Whatever. The chapter ends without Logan revealing his secret plan
Chapter 23 Mallory
Dear Diary, I hope I made the right decision! 20 years from now I will either look back and say good job, Mal, you did the right thing! or else I will think, Mal, you are such a loser and you blew it!
Mal wakes up on the day of her big date with Toby and declares it a good face day, but her hair looks like a cross between Bozo the Clown and the Bride of Frankenstein. So...usual, I guess. Mal explains she is not usually the fashion and glamour one, because she is the glasses and braces one (heaven forbid someone be a combo of those things), but she spends the day debating how to look for her date and decides this must be how Stacey feels all the time.
After breakfast Mal wants to go shopping for accessories, and deciding that the love of style is worth the wrath of Stacey, Claudia offers to come with. They pick out flamingo barrettes, which sound cute, albeit possibly questionable depending on the shade of Mal's hair. Then Claudia picks out some buttons with pictures of people such as Virginia Woolf, Jimi Hendrix, Stephen Hawking, and Janis Joplin. Apparently they don't know who any of those people are, but they "look funky." Cringe. They run into Stacey, who looks at the barrettes and snots that it must be stuff for Margo and Vanessa. Mallory snaps isn't your period over yet? and walks away.
Mal, Jessi, and Claudia then plan her outfit, and eventually come up with a blue skirt with white polka dots (Mal's), white ribbed tank (Jessi's), and a royal blue men's shirt with the tails tied up (Claudia's obviously). They put the buttons on the tank top...what? I feel like it would make more sense to put them on the blue shirt. I mean you'll only see a bit of the tank, what are they doing, putting the buttons on right over where her boobs would be if she had them? Awkward.
Mal ruins it by reminiscing about the time when Claud helped her get ready for the Valentine's day dance...after she and Ben had a fight over the card catalog. Omg, Ben! What is Mallory thinking? How can she go on a date with Toby? She doesn't even know if he has ever set foot in a library, much less knows the best way to use the card catalog!
She decides to call Ben, and we get some annoying Australian accent spelling. They chat about the hurricane, and she realizes there is no one she wants to date except Ben. Aww and barf. Jessi tells her to follow her heart, and they giggle at how cheesy that is.
She gets dressed and waits for Toby and flip flops between the idea of making Stacey jealous, and cheating on Ben. There is an illustration, and she's wearing the buttons on the blue shirt. Toby arrives, says "you look great, cutie!" and she tells him about Ben and says she decided to spend the last night with her family. He says he understands, and hopes next year she can set him up with someone next summer.
Stacey and Mal make up, Stacey admits she was jealous a guy who once dumped her was interested in Mal, and Mal admits she felt like hot shit when Toby noticed her so she was milking it. wtfffff Mal you looked cute for once, and she decides to take out her barrettes and nice clothes and change into something ugly to enjoy their last night barbecue.
Epilogue
Dear Alex, when I came home Logan was waiting for me with a horse and buggy! Can you imagine?!? It was so romantic I cried but Logan was prepared, he had a whole box of tissues! Love, MA
Hi Daddy,
I am so boring. Love, Buddy
Dear Keisha, I was the best sitter in the history of sitters and now I am exhausted! Love, Jessi
Dear Granny and Grandad, Don't worry, the hurricane didn't get Kristy, she's tough! Love, Karen
Dear Dad, Omg the hurricane didn't harm our precious NYC did it? No fallen skyscrappers? Write back ASAP! Love, Stacey PS-me and Mal are bff now, can I invite her to the city next time?
Dear Pike family, you broke a bunch of windows and shit and owe us money. Love, the Sea City housing people
Dear Kristy, I am still on vacation, please don't kick us off your crappy baseball team. Love, Jake Kuhn
Dear Claudia, I am having fun at camp, you should have a BSC roadtrip to see my production of Oklahoma! Love, Shannon
Dear Mal, I'm so over you, but could you hook me up with your friend Jessi? Love, Toby
omg yay I am done. End rant...wtf? On the one hand I like the fact that Jessi is paired with a white guy even just in theory, but on the other end, quit it with the perving on 11 year olds. He couldn't have asked about Claudia or Dawn?
Part One: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/406709.html
Part Two: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/409365.html
Part Three: http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/413885.html
Chapter 15 Dawn
Dear Mom and Richard, Today it was cold out!!!! This would never happen in sunny California!! We took the kids to an indoor circus. PS Stacey is acting like a bitch
The chapter opens with "Arrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!" which Dawn assures us is not some outer space creature, but Stacey on her period or something. She storms in from the bathroom waving around some wash cloths insisting Dawn used her towel. Dawn rationally points out that maybe it was one of the 7 Barrett-Dewitt children, and Stacey ignores her and screams some more about towels. Mrs. Barrett comes in to say they're taking the kids somewhere called Smithtown, and Dawn is relieved, hoping Stacey might behave in public. Stacey rants to Dawn about Toby while she's brushing her teeth.
In the kitchen Franklin is trying to be funny and offering to make omelets with pretty much every item in the kitchen, and everyone giggles except Stacey who emits some death glares, but surprisingly doesn't mention her diabetes. The kids don't want to go to Smithtown because they think it's boring, so the adults decide to drop the kids and the blondes off at the circus and then go to Smithtown alone. Dawn hopes the circus will put Stacey out of her bad mood.
It doesn't. Dawn is disappointed because the circus totally sucks, it's a couple crappy tents in a vacant lot. The highlight is when what the kids believe is a wax statue of a bum turns out to be a real person who jumps out yelling about expecting the unexpected at the Dixie brother circus. Dawn also notes that the trapeze act was scary because she thought the shitty tent might fall apart at any moment. The kids were amused by everything though, and that's all that matters. They stop to get a snack and Dawn gets pretzels, and then Stacey goes on about how she wants some peanuts in the shells, so Dawn goes looking all over and doesn't find them, Stacey doesn't believe her, so she looks all over, and there are no peanuts, and she starts whining about how strong her craving is, and maybe she's pregnant and that's the real reason she's such a bitch.
Franklin and Mrs. Barrett (is her name Natalie?) pick them up and Franklin tells them all about how stores are stocking up on hurricane supplies, and Mrs. B mentions how the causeway washed out once in a hurricane, but that wouldn't happen in this day and age! Plus Franklin says it's supposed to be warm and sunny the next day, so they probably won't get that hurricane anyway, it's still by Jamaica. Dawn is relieved for the sunshine, and also because the Harrises are leaving the next day and she can go to Casa de Pike. (who???? Is this a total typo, or was Franklin's last name originally Harris at some point and then switched to DeWitt? I just went back a few pages and it says Harris another time too. What is going on? Omg did I make up Dewitt? Help.)
Chapter 16 Mary Anne
Dear Logan, I hope you're in a better mood than you were yesterday. Not that I was the perfect specimen myself, crying and blowing snot everywhere. Toby and Alex reallyyyy liked you, and they think you look like Cam Geary too, omg! Plus there might be that hurricane. Kisses and stuff, MA
She seriously wrote the words perfect specimen and said Toby and Alex really liked him and thought he looked like Cam. I don't even know what to do with this information.
MA is thinking about how busy Logan is back home because he is the best busboy in the history of busboys, and she is also convinced he is half the reason the restaurant is so busy, because of how cute he is, which makes perfect sense because I am sure most people pick where to eat lunch based on the attractiveness of the 13 year old employees.
Mary Anne is crying so hard when he leaves that she fills the tissue Dawn handed her, so Kristy hands her a beach towel. I'm legit laughing at that one. Her tears are interrupted by Buddy and Nicky in a huge fight over a sand castle they are building. They call each other "Nicky-Nicky-Got-So-Sicky" and "Buddy-Buddy-Elmer-Fuddy" which are some really crappy insults. Then Nicky takes things up a notch and throws some sand in Buddy's face and he cries about his eyes, and the girls separate them, then Stacey snots off that Mal was too busy having fantasies about older boys to watch her kids. Burn.
The next day the girls and Buddy play castles and Nicky and the trips want to see the double feature of Robin Hood and the Sword and the Stone. I hope they are talking about the cartoon versions of both. I used to love the cartoon Robin Hood when I was a kid. Anyway, on the way back from the theatre Claudia points to a lot of cars on the street and says "is it Sunday or something?" which has never made much sense to me. I feel like Saturdays are busier than Sundays...
Anyway the girls come back and the adults are talking seriously, and Mrs. Barrett says "They say the road was fortified a few years ago" and Mr. Pike shoots back with "They say the Titanic was unsinkable" and Claudia asks "Is the Titanic going through the marsh?" ....what? What is WRONG with that girl?!?! They are obviously just discussing the hurricane and whether they should stay or go. After some debate they decide they don't want to risk their vacation ending early over a 50/50 chance of a hurricane. I don't know how I feel about this so I won't comment on whether it was worth the risk or not.
Mary Anne ends the chapter with a tingly feeling, despite the fact that Logan is gone.
Chapter 17 Jessi
Dear Mama and Daddy, Wish me luck, my kids have been making crappy sand castles all week and are convinced they will win a contest, which would be kind of like you winning a NYC Ballet company, Daddy. These other castles are so good the people are building legit sand apartments! If only the contest could be canceled due to weather or something...love, Jessi
Jessi dreams she's dancing on stage with the American Ballet Theater, and then there is an earth quake, and then a violinist shouts "can we make the castles now?" and she wakes up to Claire and Margo jumping up and down on the beds. At 6 am. Mal tells the kids to go get breakfast and let them sleep, but Jessi is too anxious and she ends up staying up anyway. Jessi looks at the dreary weather outside, and writes her family a postcard. She perks up for a minute when Mrs. Pike calls her amazing, which is pretty nice, I'd want props for getting up at 6 am with someone else's annoying kids while on vacation. The contest starts at 10, and by 9:30 Jessi gives in and takes the kids outside to gather Suzi and make their way down the beach.
It's cold out and they all have to bring jackets, and when they make their way to the other end of the beach a lifegaurd informs them that it's canceled due to the bad weather and won't be held until they are all back in the Brook. Claire calls the lifeguard a "silly-billy-goo-goo" but Jessi decides Tropical Storm Bill is her hero.
Chapter 18 Claudia
Deer Carley, I hope Krusty doesn't find out i am riting to someoen thts not a memeber of the club. we are in trafics trying to leave Sea sity. There is a hurrycane!!! if i die you can haev my art supplies! love cluadia! ps. just kiding. maybe.
Claudia begins by telling us that their ears are plastered to the radio, then stops to imagine how gross it would be if their ears were literally plastered to the radio. The news announces Bill has officially been upgraded from tropical storm to hurricane, and there's flooding and shit and Bill is currently in the Carolinas and should hit Jersey by evening. Mr. Pike says they have to leave, but he doesn't think it's safe to drive all the way to Connecticut while in the storms eye the entire way. Then Kristy suggests just going slightly inland to a motel to spend the night. And thank goodness she was there, because surely none of the adults could have come up with such a genius caliber idea. Mr. Pike orders everyone to throw just enough clothes for two days into overnight bags and meet back downstairs in 15 minutes.
Kristy and Claudia run to their shared room and Kristy shoves "a pair of underwear, some socks, and a t-shirt" into a backpack. I respect that she's trying to pack as quickly as possible, but it makes me giggle somewhat that he said enough clothes for 2 days so she shoves in one pair of underwear and one t-shirt. She could have at least sprung for 2 and also a sweatshirt since it's cold, and maybe those things you sleep in called pajamas. I'll let her slide on not adding more pants because she might have only brought one pair of jeans and the rest shorts. Or knowing Kristy, all she packed were the one pair of pants and 2 shirts for a weeklong trip. Moving on.
"I was having a dilemma. I was wearing the only long pants I had packed, these overdyed navy jeans. I was also wearing a loose black cotton sweater over a white tank top. So if I packed my big purple Hawaiian shorts, which were the next warmest pants, I'd be stuck having to wear an orange striped shirt, which was the only long-sleeved one I'd brought. Unless I wore the sweater again over it..." Kristy tells her to hurry the fuck up and runs downstairs. Okay I appreciate the idea of Claudia stopping to ponder her wardrobe while in the middle of quickly grabbing clothes and getting out of a hurricane, I find it hard to believe she doesn't have a second pair of long pants, or a sweatshirt with glitter and pennies and tootsie rolls hot glued to it. I mean this girl has tried to pack winter parkas on August roadtrips. She should have brought clothes for all weather. She ends up throwing in one rainy, cold weather outfit, one rainy, hot weather outfit, and one nice yay the weather is better outfit, declares herself sensible, throws in a huge bag of Mars bars she had saved for a rainy day (literally) and runs down the stairs.
They bring in all the lawn furniture and umbrellas so they don't blow away, Mr. Pike closes circuit breakers, and then they divide into 2 vehicles, doing a head count to declare there are 9 people in one vehicle and 11 in the other. They hit the road and Claudia notes Sea City is now like a ghost town with X's taped on the windows and all that. She's excited at first, but then it gets scary when they find out the causeway is out and no one can leave the island. Everyone has to go seek shelter at an elementary school.
Chapter 19 Stacey
Dear Mom, I am writing this by flashlight, which for some reason makes my handwriting really crappy. I'm safe and dry and I hope this reaches you by mail boat! Luv, Stacey
Okay whyyyy is Mrs. Barrett, who has already been established as a nervous driver, driving in a hurricane instead of Mrs. Pike? Mrs. P trys to keep Mrs. B calm as they navigate their way to the school. Stacey says she is really glad Mrs. Pike is in the car because she spreads the calm all around. They get to the school and park, and make their way inside. The gym has a ton of people, and cots and the windows are boarded up. Dawn comes over and compares it to the SES sleepover.
A guy comes on a bullhorn and announces there is some Red Cross there for anyone who needs first aid, and canned food for everyone to eat, and even ice cream for the kids! All the frowns turn upside down, and they stake out a huge area for their gang of 20 (the adults, Kristy, and Mal are sleeping on the floor, everyone else gets a cot) I can totally see Kristy being selfless like that, but Mal is being shitted on on the floor as usual.
Stacey has canned deviled ham for dinner (is that spam?) and lima beans...those are literally two of my least favorite foods. The kids all announce they forgot pajamas (don't worry, so did Krusty) so Stacey tells them they can sleep in their clothes. The power goes out, everyone has flashlights, they all settle in, the kids argue in the dark, and the BSC saves the day.
Chapter 20 Karen
Dear Granny and Grandad, Hi! We had a hurricane! Omg have you ever been in one? I hope we get a hurricane again someday. Maybe you could visit and see it!
Wtf why would you want your grandparents to purposely visit in hopes of a hurricane? Karen shares her secret wish that her house would blow away in the hurricane and land at her grandparents' farm in Nebraska. It would be the opposite of the Wizard of Oz she explains, because she would go from a colorful place and end up on a farm!
Karen reports that Kristy called Elizabeth to announce the hurricane, then Elizabeth called the little house. I'm kind of thinking no one in S-brook would have known there was a hurricane afoot without Kristy's warning phone call. Andrew looks scared and asks if the rain outside is the hurricane, and Lisa says not yet. Karen spend the evening calling the big house over and over for info on Kristy, but she keeps getting busy signals, and then the phone lines die. The family sits down to watch the news, Seth assures them that since the beaches in New Jersey were evacuated Kristy is probably fine, and then Andrew worries about them not having a boat. They tape up the windows, then the kids go to bed.
Karen talks to her stuffed cat and tries not to sleep, and then she hears a loud crack and runs into her parents' room. They turn on the radio and hear something about clearing debris out of arteries, which Karen thinks means they are cleaning Brie out of someone's arteries and her parents laugh at her.
In the morning they all go outside and assess the damage, which is minor, just some tree branches and stuff. Some neighbor makes a joke about how much fire wood they will have for winter.
Chapter 21 Buddy
Dear Daddy, remember that time you kidnapped me and now I am not allowed to see you and you are never mentioned? I am writing to you anyway. The hurricane was over and we spent it in a gym with a million people and got ice cream and now we are back at our beach house and we are camping because there is no electricity! Love, Buddy
Two kid chapters in a row is like a punishment. Buddy wakes up and eats toast. He is still hungry. The sun is shining, they can leave. Marnie is splashing in puddles, but Buddy gets yelled at when he steps in one. They get back to the beach and Buddy is disappointed at the minor damage and lack of dead bodies, what a little asshole. The garbage cans are gone and Stacey says the fish are using them under water. He tries to give Suzi sludge water and gets yelled at. He picks up trash on the beach with a cop, who randomly calls him Buddy without knowing that's his name. He bonds with his mom over being pioneers.
Chapter 22 Logan
DEAR MARYANNE WELCOME HOME. I AM WRITING YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE ALMOST BACK AND I AM AT HOME ALREADY. REMEMBER HOW ROMANTIC THE HAUNTED HOUSE WAS BEFORE THAT ORANGE SLIME MONSTER POPPED UP? LOVE, LOGAN
Logan is planning a romantic surprise to welcome MA home. He needs help from his friend's dad. This is just so ridiculous, but he is worried she totally hooked up with Alex in Sea City so whatever. MA finally calls and tells him that Alex and Toby were the last cars to make it on the causeway, so they spent the hurricane inland. Logan is relieved and calls himself off the Dorkometer for thinking she and Alex spent the storm having sex in front of the Pikes or something. Anyway, Terry's dad loves his plan and claims it's the kind of thing he would have done for his wife when he was young. Whatever. The chapter ends without Logan revealing his secret plan
Chapter 23 Mallory
Dear Diary, I hope I made the right decision! 20 years from now I will either look back and say good job, Mal, you did the right thing! or else I will think, Mal, you are such a loser and you blew it!
Mal wakes up on the day of her big date with Toby and declares it a good face day, but her hair looks like a cross between Bozo the Clown and the Bride of Frankenstein. So...usual, I guess. Mal explains she is not usually the fashion and glamour one, because she is the glasses and braces one (heaven forbid someone be a combo of those things), but she spends the day debating how to look for her date and decides this must be how Stacey feels all the time.
After breakfast Mal wants to go shopping for accessories, and deciding that the love of style is worth the wrath of Stacey, Claudia offers to come with. They pick out flamingo barrettes, which sound cute, albeit possibly questionable depending on the shade of Mal's hair. Then Claudia picks out some buttons with pictures of people such as Virginia Woolf, Jimi Hendrix, Stephen Hawking, and Janis Joplin. Apparently they don't know who any of those people are, but they "look funky." Cringe. They run into Stacey, who looks at the barrettes and snots that it must be stuff for Margo and Vanessa. Mallory snaps isn't your period over yet? and walks away.
Mal, Jessi, and Claudia then plan her outfit, and eventually come up with a blue skirt with white polka dots (Mal's), white ribbed tank (Jessi's), and a royal blue men's shirt with the tails tied up (Claudia's obviously). They put the buttons on the tank top...what? I feel like it would make more sense to put them on the blue shirt. I mean you'll only see a bit of the tank, what are they doing, putting the buttons on right over where her boobs would be if she had them? Awkward.
Mal ruins it by reminiscing about the time when Claud helped her get ready for the Valentine's day dance...after she and Ben had a fight over the card catalog. Omg, Ben! What is Mallory thinking? How can she go on a date with Toby? She doesn't even know if he has ever set foot in a library, much less knows the best way to use the card catalog!
She decides to call Ben, and we get some annoying Australian accent spelling. They chat about the hurricane, and she realizes there is no one she wants to date except Ben. Aww and barf. Jessi tells her to follow her heart, and they giggle at how cheesy that is.
She gets dressed and waits for Toby and flip flops between the idea of making Stacey jealous, and cheating on Ben. There is an illustration, and she's wearing the buttons on the blue shirt. Toby arrives, says "you look great, cutie!" and she tells him about Ben and says she decided to spend the last night with her family. He says he understands, and hopes next year she can set him up with someone next summer.
Stacey and Mal make up, Stacey admits she was jealous a guy who once dumped her was interested in Mal, and Mal admits she felt like hot shit when Toby noticed her so she was milking it. wtfffff Mal you looked cute for once, and she decides to take out her barrettes and nice clothes and change into something ugly to enjoy their last night barbecue.
Epilogue
Dear Alex, when I came home Logan was waiting for me with a horse and buggy! Can you imagine?!? It was so romantic I cried but Logan was prepared, he had a whole box of tissues! Love, MA
Hi Daddy,
I am so boring. Love, Buddy
Dear Keisha, I was the best sitter in the history of sitters and now I am exhausted! Love, Jessi
Dear Granny and Grandad, Don't worry, the hurricane didn't get Kristy, she's tough! Love, Karen
Dear Dad, Omg the hurricane didn't harm our precious NYC did it? No fallen skyscrappers? Write back ASAP! Love, Stacey PS-me and Mal are bff now, can I invite her to the city next time?
Dear Pike family, you broke a bunch of windows and shit and owe us money. Love, the Sea City housing people
Dear Kristy, I am still on vacation, please don't kick us off your crappy baseball team. Love, Jake Kuhn
Dear Claudia, I am having fun at camp, you should have a BSC roadtrip to see my production of Oklahoma! Love, Shannon
Dear Mal, I'm so over you, but could you hook me up with your friend Jessi? Love, Toby
omg yay I am done. End rant...wtf? On the one hand I like the fact that Jessi is paired with a white guy even just in theory, but on the other end, quit it with the perving on 11 year olds. He couldn't have asked about Claudia or Dawn?