Special Edition - Readers' Request: Logan's Story
Tagline: Nobody's going to call Logan a girl and get away with it!
Be warned, snarkers!
So, I'm going to be honest. I'm not sure I cared enough to want a book about Logan. Sam? Maybe. Charlie? Perhaps. Janine? But of course. But Logan? He has the personality of tofu and his sole trait is that he has an accent. Somebody may have requested this story, but it wasn't me. Special thanks to my Scholastic Funtastic book club order for bringing this to my house. I can't imagine I actually went out and bought this.
I'm not one to mention the covers too often, but this one deserves a chat. You see, it appears that everyone on the cover has red hair. Logan has red hair, Clarence King has red hair, and the two children by Logan's side have red hair. Since one of them is wearing a pink sweatshirt or turtleneck, I sort of figured that one was a girl, namely Logan's sister Kerry, and the little boy was Hudter of the stuffed-up dose. Alas, once I got to the chapter depicted, I discovered they were supposed to be two of the Hobart boys. One, was their hair color ever mentioned, because I thought only the Rodowskys and Mallory were scorned for their ginger tresses, and two, I don't even want to go into a little boy dressed in pink. Considering the context of the story, why would you do that to a young character? Then again, they are at a "Health Fair," with a sign "proclaiming" such, and as I don't trust things with random quotes in them perhaps I should just ignore the picture. Or, well, the whole book, but I'm a glutton for punishment.
As soon as you open the book, you are greeted with this text, presumably in Ann's own hand:
"Dear Reader,
So many of you wrote suggesting that Logan Bruno deserved a story of his own, that I decided to take your advice. Here is a special edition BSC book, a story about Logan. I hope you enjoy it!
--Ann M Martin"
Her handwriting is disconcertingly like Claudia's, to the point where I'm shocked there aren't any blatant misspellings, although her Us on the end of her "you"s are missing the downstroke so it sort of looks like she wrote "yor" instead. Also, this is NOT an Ann book, as she tosses the manuscript to one Peter Lerangis; how many of you want to bet he was one of the "readers" requesting a Logan book?
Chapter 1
As this is a Logan book, and Logan is not a full-fledged member of the BSC--well, at least for the time being--oops, should I have given a spoiler alert?--he actually has non-BSC friends and activities. So many names, so little time. The book opens with Logan at football practice, where Clarence King has just laid him out. The jostling his brain just took makes him start going through his whole life story, much like the girls from the BSC. He tells us he plays football and does other activities "for the fun. That's the way I run my life. Do what you enjoy, I always say. Even if people think you're a little weird. Even if they make fun of you and call you a girl, just because..."
Because *why*, dear Logan? Also, he feels the need to point out that he's male, since Logan could, in fact, be a girl's name. He's from Louisville, he loves sports (football, baseball, track, in case you're wondering), and he has a girlfriend. Also--Hodges, take note--he has blondish-brown hair. He gets to the Mary Anne part and says, "She's the other main interest in my life," then immediately apologizes since it sounds bad (which it kind of does, but he's 13) and asks us not to tell Mary Anne since she's so sensitive. Your secret is safe with me, dude.
Things weren't always so peachy between him and MA, partly because he was too take-charge and would make plans without consulting, say, her baby-sitting schedule. Because she's totally a baby-sitter. ...And so is he. Well, sort of; MA belonged to the club as a full-fledged member, and he was an associate. That is, until that fateful day...
Actually, until that day he'd been able to hide his baby-sitting from his jock friends. Mary Anne ends up meeting up with him and they walk home together; they're razzed by the other football players but Logan doesn't care. Once home, his parents are making BBQ chicken and ribs, naturally. Logan's preparing to help when the phone rings and it's Kristy--there's an emergency, and can he come to that night's meeting? Um, sure.
Notable: Clarence prefers to be called "King," Irv Hirsch is also on the football team, and Austin Bentley is named after two cars! Wow! Except honestly I'd assume he was named after Austin, Texas, and somehow I doubt your average BSC reader made the car connection. Like, whenever I run into an Austin, I certainly don't go, hey, you're named after a car! But that's just me.
Chapter 2
Logan's dad is Mr. Macho and Does Not Approve of anything baby-sitting related, so he's skeptical of there being an actual emergency. I mean, really? The BSC can pull you away from chicken and ribs? Mr. B, it's not the baby-sitting that's doing it. It's Kristy. If you knew her, you'd understand. Nobody crosses the Kristy.
Even though it's a Logan book, there's still a typical Chapter 2, with the only difference being that, as a guy, he's semi-allowed to drool over the girls (namely Claudia and Stacey) without it seeming too weird, until he mentions Claudia "has a really hip, sexy way of dressing." Lerangis. Nothing is sexy about the BSC. I suppose he realized this, and gave us this paragraph immediately following: "Okay, time out. Let me say right here that I am just describing. Mary Anne is my girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't say positive things about someone else's looks." Hint for the future, Logan: Never describe another woman as "sexy." Especially when the description you gave your girlfriend went, "Mary Anne looks and dresses her age now." Ooh! I know that makes me hot and bothered.
...Did I just type that? Ew. Moving on.
In case you were wondering, Jessi is black and Mallory is white. Just to clarify. I think one of the prerequisites of joining the BSC in any fashion is being able to tell the difference between the two of them and constantly pointing it out as if it matters.
Logan describes himself and Shannon as "irregulars," and the chapter ends with him just arriving at Claudia's. Is this his way of building suspense? Sigh.
Chapter 3
Aaaaand then we have the standard Chapter 3. Glad to see there's no deviation from the regular books just because it's about an irregular character! We have a quick description of foods being grilled in the neighborhood that the starving Logan is drooling over, and I have to admit that I'm totally confused. So, he's at football practice earlier in the day, but he mentions he'll be trying out for track soon, because football is almost over. Football is a fall sport, traditionally. And if football season is almost over with, it's not generally warm enough to do that much grilling. I mean, sure, there are always hardcore people who grill in any weather, but he mentions four different foods presumably coming from four different households--did Stoneybrook suddenly run out of natural gas? Why is everybody grilling all of a sudden? And then, track is traditionally a spring sport--any practices he has occur outside, not inside--and actually wouldn't butt up against football. When track gets started, it's too cold to start grilling outdoors just yet, especially if you stored your grill for the winter. So, um, is it October going on April? I have no idea what the timeframe is supposed to be, and I find it way more interesting than another Chapter 3. Oh, except Logan compares the BSC to a baseball team, so that's different; he says, "Kristy would be the manager and Mary Anne would be the team statistician. Claudia would design the stadium and the uniforms. And Stacey would sign the checks." ...Did you notice that nobody's actually playing? Logan, seriously. You could at least have named an MVP or Cy Young Award winner. The one sport I was into at that age was baseball, and I am sorely disappointed by a lack of actual baseball terms. I mean, at least put Mallory into right field or something.
(For non-baseball people, that's the Ann Hates Mallory position.)
Oh, my Lord. We get to the end of the chapter and STILL no resolution to the problem, except when Logan finally gets into Claudia's room, the place is silent. Except for Mary Anne's crying, naturally.
Chapter 4 (Or, for goodness' sake, what is the problem already?)
Everyone's all staring at the floor or pacing or crying--except for Dawn, whom Logan realizes isn't there. NO DAWN IN THIS BOOK! WOO-HOO! Ahem. Wait. Sorry. No, there wasn't a horrible accident involving tofu, bean sprouts, and Sharon's purse baked into a casserole; Jeff's appendix ruptured and his mom and sister rushed out to California to be with him. Yikes. Well, that sucks. MA says he'll be okay, but his recovery will take a few weeks and they'll be out there the whole time. This seems excessive to me, but it's the Ann version of California, so perhaps she's taking the laid-back vibe WAAAY too seriously--if everything there slows down normally, well, perhaps his recovery will, too! (Anyone out there have their appendix removed and can clarify just how long you're out of commission? Is this legit or Ann, as usual, making things up?)
Logan suddenly realizes they're all staring at him. No, nobody mentioned bras; with Dawn gone for a few weeks, they need someone to replace her. Aha. Logan discovers the real reason he was invited over--they want him to be the alternate officer in her stead. Shannon already turned them down because she's too busy. He thinks, uh, but football, and track tryouts... They assure him he won't have to take all her jobs, but he might have to miss some practices. The Wrath of K. Ron appears: "I think this counts as an emergency, and you are a member of the BSC." Even Sporty Spice won't let athletics get in the way of baby-sitting! Jeez, Logan. Get over yourself! Okay, fine, he'll do it, stop badgering him. By this time it's 5:37--OMG--and Kristy harrumphs the meeting to order. It's a Monday, so Stacey collects dues; Logan reaches for his money, since after all he's a full-fledged member now, but they say he's doing them enough of a favor already. And then it's silent. Because he's a boy and it's totally weird for a 13-year-old boy to be with a bunch of same-age girls in a bedroom without adult supervision, and now that I think about it, yeah, that *is* weird. The tension is cut by this exchange:
Stacey: "Come on, guys! Loosen up a little. Just 'cause there's a guy in here--"
Mary Anne: "He's not a guy! He's Logan!"
Ah. Well, that explains it. And also that "she dresses her age" line from earlier.
Logan goes deep into thought, worried about who all he's letting down by becoming a full-on BSC member--his coach, his teammates, potentially the track team since he won't get any practice time in if he's got sitting jobs. Meanwhile, there is a Great Idea brewing from the Brewer relative: There's going to be a health fair at the shopping center! We should have a booth! Even though nobody has yet figured out exactly how baby-sitting relates to being healthy! They mention that there will probably be a bloodmobile there, and when she finds out that Claudia has Type O blood, Stacey browbeats her into making sure she donates when she's old enough since O is the universal donor. Subtle. Anyway, I doubt that will happen, because by the time she hits 17 I'm pretty sure Claudia's veins will be filled with Pixy Stix and Twizzlers.
The meeting and chapter end with Mrs. Hobart calling; she needs a sitter for a time when every other sitter is busy, so Logan gets it. But he'll have to miss football practice because of it. Never mind that Jessi also isn't sitting; no word on what ballet she's starring in this time where she can't miss that particular class just once. I like to think it's The Rite of Spring. They'll riot if she doesn't show up.
Chapter 5
Logan likes the Hobarts because, like him, they have a funny accent! Ha, ha! He's sitting for little Johnny and Mathew, and they're playing a game involving camping. I'm guessing they have a backyard, yet they're camping in the front yard, because otherwise there'd be no conflict. So they're pretending there's a bear in the woods (timely alert: Mathew thinks the bear would eat Teddy Grahams), and they're running around the yard, and here comes Irv, King, Pete Black, and Jim Poirier, fresh from football practice. Wait--so Logan missed football in order to baby-sit? Are you kidding? Jim is especially a jerk, talking in baby-talk up until they leave. Logan doesn't know what to think--he let down his friends by not telling them where he'd be, but he let the boys down too by not really defending them. This being a BSC member full-time deal is getting off to a great start.
Chapter 6
It's the Friday meeting, the day after the Hobart job, and Mrs. Hobart is calling to request Logan two more times the next week. Phew; they won't interfere with football! Except then he gets a job with the Rodowskys, and it *is* on a practice day, so he'll now miss two football practices in a row. That'll go over well.
Nobody cares about Logan's problems, though--they have a health fair booth to plan! Kristy somehow conned the fair coordinator into letting her have a booth; now for an actual reason for being there! Logan actually comes up with the idea: Promoting safe sitting. It's not entirely health related, but who cares. Kristy just wants more clients. Sweetie, weren't you all just complaining about having SO MANY new clients that you couldn't handle them all? This came up when they were begging Logan to join them, that they were too swamped to be down a sitter even for just a couple weeks. And now you want to add more clients? This sounds like a sustainable business model. MA takes all sorts of notes for the pamphlet they want to hand out--things like not leaving a baby alone in a bathtub, and knowing where the extra keys are when the parents leave--and Mallory says her father "has a new laser printer in his office. Maybe if you write that neatly, he could type it and print it out." Yes, kids, there was a time when having a printer was a big deal. It has LASERS. It SHOOTS THE WORDS AT THE PAPER. Pew pew! This technology is so incredible that Mary Anne can't believe Mr. Pike would just let them use it; Mal says she'll bribe her dad with free sitting jobs. That's...sad.
BAD EDITING ALERT: MA says that if Mr. Pike won't do it, "I'll just print it in my best handwriting and ask my mom or dad to copy it at work."
...Wait. Is this the mother who died when you were a baby, or the stepmother who is in California? Would Sharon fly all the way back just so you could have her take this to a photocopier? Like, doesn't the library have this capability? Or does Richard actually have another wife stashed in the secret passage (that's what *she* said)? God. I don't know where to go with this line.
Kristy brings us back by realizing that, hey, the entire club doesn't need to be at the booth handing out fliers that the mysteriously resurrected Alma Baker Spier put together for them. Good thing, since most of them actually have jobs that day, because GodKristy forbid parents spend time with their children on their days off. Of course, though, Kristy has a plan for that, too--just bring your charges to the fair! Kids love fairs! And despite a health fair sounding way too much like one of those boring assemblies you'd have at school, the sitters honestly think the kids'll go for it, particularly Charlotte, because naturally if her mother loves health, then CharJo must as well. I think zombies would starve in Stoneybrook.
They end the meeting by calling Dawn in California, where they find out that Jeff's not healing that quickly and Dawn will probably be out there longer than anticipated. Kristy's first thought: "She'll miss the fair!" Nobody gives a crap about the damn fair, Kristy. Unfortunately, Logan's thoughts are on a similar wavelength. If Dawn stays gone, he'll get more entrenched in the BSC. But maybe she'll be back in time. Maybe.
Chapter 7
The good news: It's not a Hobart sitting chapter. The bad news: It's still a sitting chapter. The worse news: It's MA sitting for "our angel," Jenny P. Logan describes her as spoiled, though better now that she's a big sister. This chapter isn't worth very much, but I have to include this line. It's not long after Mrs. P has given birth, and she actually asks MA if "I still look like a blimp?" ...Like, I can't even imagine asking my baby-sitter that. Best friend? Perhaps. Sibling, if I had one? Maybe. Thirteen-year-old girl who has never been in close proximity to a pregnant woman? WTH, Mrs. P. Lerangis, have *you* been around a pregnant woman before? Why would she ask that? Then again, MA cares enough to tell Logan that Jenny was wearing Laura Ashley PJs, because he gives a crap, and I wonder if Laura Ashley paid for all these endorsements the BSC gave the company over all these books. It's seriously like they can't go five books without mentioning them, and I can't think of a single person I know at all, much less under the age of 30 at the time, who ever wore Laura Ashley merchandise.
It's sad that this is the most interesting part of the chapter.
It's a nice day, so Mrs. P encourages MA to take the girls outside. Conveniently, Logan is practicing on the school's track, so MA heads the group there. Wow, watching someone run laps! No wonder they think the kids will enjoy the health fair if this is the kind of excitement they're subjected to. Ooh, who wants more random names? Logan is practicing with Alex Turnbull, Bob Stillman, and Peter Hayes. Do we ever see them again? They run, and run, and run and run and run. (Run-run-run, run-run-run...) Naturally, Jenny gets bored and starts running up and down the bleachers, eventually shouting, "I'm king of the world!" I'm laughing hysterically because I'm now imagining that MA is baby-sitting Leo DiCaprio and I have to double-check the copyright date to see when this was written, and yes, this came a good five years before Titanic. Don't worry, there's still the sinking of a ship, if the iceberg is Jenny and the ship is Logan--when Jenny gets bored of running the bleachers, she takes off for the track and ends up in front of the guys. Bob runs into Logan while trying to get away from Jenny; they end up crashing into the other two guys and they all land in the grass. I have to include this line because, out of context, it's kind of disturbing: "[W]hen I got my bearings I realized I was lying flat on my stomach with Bob across my legs. The four of us were panting like crazy..." Yeah, okay, guess I lied about the PJs being the interesting part. What the heck, Lerangis? Did you not realize that we would come back, read this book twenty years down the line, and see the subtext? This is more like BSC: The College Years right here. Oh, Lord, get me out of this chapter. And Logan doesn't help the situation, because he can't believe Jenny would do such a thing, and I'm sitting here going, really? You're a fabulous baby-sitter if you can't realize a four-year-old wants to do stuff the big kids are doing.
Best line: Bob going, "Just can't keep the girls away, huh?"
Chapter 8 (or, and here's that Hobart chapter we were missing)
Logan's with all the Hobarts minus Ben, who is hanging with Mallory. His brothers are debating whether they're boyfriend and girlfriend, and James imparts the wisdom of the ages by saying at age 11, you cease being a friend who's a boy/friend who's a girl and become boyfriend/girlfriend. Dang. In that case, I've really gotten around. Meanwhile, Logan is casually sitting on the kitchen floor stretching himself like it's a totally normal thing. Yeah, dude, it's not, especially after you panting in that last chapter. Like...just, no. And Mathew calls him on it, so Logan explains that he's trying out for track and his legs need to be stretched. The Hobarts decide they want to experience track for themselves, so off they go to the school--Logan's okay with this, because it's a Monday and there's no practice so the coast should be clear--and they run themselves silly for a while. That is, until they fall into a heap just like the big boys...Logan, what are you teaching them? just as Alex, Peter, and a few others show up to practice. Crap. Peter even calls Logan "Lois." Sigh. Logan takes the Hobarts home, and they're all dejected. They ask why the others were mean to Logan, and Logan has to explain that not every guy thinks guys should baby-sit. There's a discussion on how teasing is bad, but everything is forgotten when they arrive home and Mr. Hobart is already there. The boys wish Logan luck with his tryout, and Logan reminds them that he'll see them before that--the health fair is coming up.
Chapter 9
Logan's at his first football practice since he joined the BSC, and his Lois nickname has already made the rounds; the guys constantly crack Logan's-a-girl jokes the whole time. (Name alert: Harry Nolan and Steve Randazzo are other teammates. I tell you, there are a ton of random people in this book.) Pete Black breaks my heart by joining in the razzing; only Austin Bentley comes to Logan's defense, telling King, "Shut your mouth, you orangutan." You get 'im, Austin. Coach Mills notices Logan's not in the best shape and mentions there will be an optional practice on Saturday; maybe he should come. Logan's heart sinks; that's the day of the health fair. All the teasing gets to him, and he's grouchy by the end of practice. MA had watched them, and waited around to walk him home, but he basically blows her off; he's got too much stuff to do now. Kerry and Hunter can tell something's wrong and do their best to cheer him up, which is sweet. Logan realizes he's just got too much on his plate right now, and something has to give--and Mary Anne wouldn't be happy with his decision.
Chapter 10
Ohhh, lordy. It's the day of the health fair, and the sitters finally realized that just because it has the word "fair" in it doesn't mean the kids will actually want to go. Better still, we come to this realization thanks to Jessi, Mallory, and the other seven Pikes. Jordan sums it up well: "School is for learning. Fairs are supposed to be fun." The Pikes stall; the sitters eventually get them to the fair. This chapter is short, but not short enough.
Chapter 11
Next comes Kristy's handwritten intro; her part of the story starts with the Pikes barreling into their table while a couple looks over the BSC's brochure. No word on which of Mary Anne's mothers ended up printing it. Oh, wait, Mr. Pike conned a lackey at his job to do it; I'm guessing this must be one of the free sitting jobs Mal offered in return. Figures. Ooh, any of you remember Slim Goodbody? Stoneybrook's version is Tommy Anatomy. And a bunch of random BSC-related people show up as well, including the Ohdners, who I don't ever think I saw in the flesh, so to speak. Maybe they're the Marshalls after they entered Witness Protection.
Around this time Logan shows up with Mathew and Johnny. He's giving Johnny a piggy-back ride and Mathew is galloping aside them--that is, until he literally runs into someone. Even better, it's King. He's with Irv, Pete Black, and Harry; they've just come from football practice. They're in the middle of trading barbs when Johnny says he has to use the bathroom, and as the guys laugh uncontrollably, Logan tries to salvage his dignity as he walks away. It doesn't happen.
Chapter 12
Logan's not the only one upset--King said they'd had to go potty, and Johnny complains, "I don't go to the potty. Only little boys go to the potty!" Way to go, King. It's one thing to insult your "friend." It's entirely another to insult a little kid. You're such a big man. Also a big man: Johnny. To prove it, that he can use a toilet like a big boy, he asks Logan to go get King to watch. Logan wisely says no. Wow, Logan's using his brain for once. Awesome. But my pride in Logan fades as soon as I flip the page, as the little boys insist they can go to the bathroom by themselves--they're four and six, remember--and Logan, trying to build their pride back up, lets them. He admits this isn't a wise idea, but thinks it'll be okay. Hint: It's not. There ends up being a second door into the bathroom area, and while Mathew is distracted by a candy machine, Johnny disappears. Oh, crap. The two of them run out and start looking around the shopping center; after a fruitless search, Logan's about to call the police on a pay phone. But he stops when he hears MA calling after him.
Chapter 13
An announcement had been made a while earlier asking Johnny Hobart to return to the BSC's booth. He does--with the help of King, of all people. King says he found Johnny at the back entrance to the bathroom area and, since he recognized him, brought him back to the booth. Kristy says something snotty about Johnny not wanting to talk to King, to which Johnny replies, "I don't go potty." You tell him, kid. There's a few more retorts before King leaves, with Kristy getting in the best line. King offers up his services to the club, since he's so good with children, but Kristy goes, "We have a minimum IQ requirement." Zing! She death-glares at Logan for a while, though, and he explains what happened; at the end, he tells them that his being a sitter isn't working out and, effective immediately, he's resigning from the BSC. Even though they're busy, he's busy too.
Chapter 14
It's a week and a half later. He's still getting razzed by the football team, but it's mainly just King and Irv. Track tryouts are that afternoon and they discuss who's going for what over lunch. Over at another table, the BSC is laughing about something; Dawn is back and has a deep tan. Yes, sounds like she was keeping a vigil at Jeff's bedside the whole time she was gone. I didn't realize they could put a hospital room right on the beach. Logan feels a twinge of sadness; things were different between him and the BSC members now. Oh well; his life was out of balance with all that sitting going on. Now, things were swinging back in the other direction.
After school, it's tryout time. Mr. Leavitt, the track coach, watches them as the boys run through the various endeavors. As Logan's about to run the 100-yard dash, he hears familiar accents yelling encouragement toward him from the stands--it's the Hobart boys. No hard feelings there. The cheering gets louder as the race ends; a bunch of BSC-type people are watching. It helped; he beats King across the line. And, of course, he ends up being one of the six guys picked to join the team. King is not one of them. A couple of the other guys, noticing all the girls in the stands, ask about the cute ones. Nice. See, hanging around a bunch of girls isn't entirely a bad thing, gentlemen.
Chapter 15
It's an afternoon at the Bruno house, not unlike the one where Logan got the fateful call. In fact, his parents are making chicken and ribs again. Logan's feeling wistful; he sees that it's 5:26 and suddenly feels like attending that day's BSC meeting. He calls over and Kristy okays it; he's still two minutes late, though. Dawn gives an update on her brother, who is fine except when he laughs. Mrs. Hobart ends up calling, and from Claudia's end of the conversation it seems like they're pretty upset about Logan not sitting any longer. Logan resists saying he can take the job; he has track practice at the time. The girls talk about how much the Hobarts liked Logan, and Mal tells him, "Ben says his brothers are really upset they'll never see you again." Logan replies, "Who says I won't?" When the girls remind him that he quit the club, he asks to be reinstated as an associate member--he couldn't handle being a regular member, but associating was just fine. Plus, he figured out how to keep the football guys off his back--by trying to set them up with the other sitters. This would be why Claudia gets a call from Lew Greenberg.
He leaves the meeting with Mary Anne, who is glad to have him back in the fold. They hear familiar accents from across the street, so naturally Logan has to say hi to his favorite charges. Just then, King and crew happen down the block. Do they live nearby? Are they crushing on Janine? Why are they always coming down Bradford Court? MA warns Logan he could be in for trouble, but Logan can handle it. Besides, all they do is say hello before they turn the corner.
So there you go--the long-awaited book on possibly the most boring person in Stoneybrook. I take back what I said about him having the personality of tofu; it's an insult to tofu. My apologies.
Be warned, snarkers!
So, I'm going to be honest. I'm not sure I cared enough to want a book about Logan. Sam? Maybe. Charlie? Perhaps. Janine? But of course. But Logan? He has the personality of tofu and his sole trait is that he has an accent. Somebody may have requested this story, but it wasn't me. Special thanks to my Scholastic Funtastic book club order for bringing this to my house. I can't imagine I actually went out and bought this.
I'm not one to mention the covers too often, but this one deserves a chat. You see, it appears that everyone on the cover has red hair. Logan has red hair, Clarence King has red hair, and the two children by Logan's side have red hair. Since one of them is wearing a pink sweatshirt or turtleneck, I sort of figured that one was a girl, namely Logan's sister Kerry, and the little boy was Hudter of the stuffed-up dose. Alas, once I got to the chapter depicted, I discovered they were supposed to be two of the Hobart boys. One, was their hair color ever mentioned, because I thought only the Rodowskys and Mallory were scorned for their ginger tresses, and two, I don't even want to go into a little boy dressed in pink. Considering the context of the story, why would you do that to a young character? Then again, they are at a "Health Fair," with a sign "proclaiming" such, and as I don't trust things with random quotes in them perhaps I should just ignore the picture. Or, well, the whole book, but I'm a glutton for punishment.
As soon as you open the book, you are greeted with this text, presumably in Ann's own hand:
"Dear Reader,
So many of you wrote suggesting that Logan Bruno deserved a story of his own, that I decided to take your advice. Here is a special edition BSC book, a story about Logan. I hope you enjoy it!
--Ann M Martin"
Her handwriting is disconcertingly like Claudia's, to the point where I'm shocked there aren't any blatant misspellings, although her Us on the end of her "you"s are missing the downstroke so it sort of looks like she wrote "yor" instead. Also, this is NOT an Ann book, as she tosses the manuscript to one Peter Lerangis; how many of you want to bet he was one of the "readers" requesting a Logan book?
Chapter 1
As this is a Logan book, and Logan is not a full-fledged member of the BSC--well, at least for the time being--oops, should I have given a spoiler alert?--he actually has non-BSC friends and activities. So many names, so little time. The book opens with Logan at football practice, where Clarence King has just laid him out. The jostling his brain just took makes him start going through his whole life story, much like the girls from the BSC. He tells us he plays football and does other activities "for the fun. That's the way I run my life. Do what you enjoy, I always say. Even if people think you're a little weird. Even if they make fun of you and call you a girl, just because..."
Because *why*, dear Logan? Also, he feels the need to point out that he's male, since Logan could, in fact, be a girl's name. He's from Louisville, he loves sports (football, baseball, track, in case you're wondering), and he has a girlfriend. Also--Hodges, take note--he has blondish-brown hair. He gets to the Mary Anne part and says, "She's the other main interest in my life," then immediately apologizes since it sounds bad (which it kind of does, but he's 13) and asks us not to tell Mary Anne since she's so sensitive. Your secret is safe with me, dude.
Things weren't always so peachy between him and MA, partly because he was too take-charge and would make plans without consulting, say, her baby-sitting schedule. Because she's totally a baby-sitter. ...And so is he. Well, sort of; MA belonged to the club as a full-fledged member, and he was an associate. That is, until that fateful day...
Actually, until that day he'd been able to hide his baby-sitting from his jock friends. Mary Anne ends up meeting up with him and they walk home together; they're razzed by the other football players but Logan doesn't care. Once home, his parents are making BBQ chicken and ribs, naturally. Logan's preparing to help when the phone rings and it's Kristy--there's an emergency, and can he come to that night's meeting? Um, sure.
Notable: Clarence prefers to be called "King," Irv Hirsch is also on the football team, and Austin Bentley is named after two cars! Wow! Except honestly I'd assume he was named after Austin, Texas, and somehow I doubt your average BSC reader made the car connection. Like, whenever I run into an Austin, I certainly don't go, hey, you're named after a car! But that's just me.
Chapter 2
Logan's dad is Mr. Macho and Does Not Approve of anything baby-sitting related, so he's skeptical of there being an actual emergency. I mean, really? The BSC can pull you away from chicken and ribs? Mr. B, it's not the baby-sitting that's doing it. It's Kristy. If you knew her, you'd understand. Nobody crosses the Kristy.
Even though it's a Logan book, there's still a typical Chapter 2, with the only difference being that, as a guy, he's semi-allowed to drool over the girls (namely Claudia and Stacey) without it seeming too weird, until he mentions Claudia "has a really hip, sexy way of dressing." Lerangis. Nothing is sexy about the BSC. I suppose he realized this, and gave us this paragraph immediately following: "Okay, time out. Let me say right here that I am just describing. Mary Anne is my girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't say positive things about someone else's looks." Hint for the future, Logan: Never describe another woman as "sexy." Especially when the description you gave your girlfriend went, "Mary Anne looks and dresses her age now." Ooh! I know that makes me hot and bothered.
...Did I just type that? Ew. Moving on.
In case you were wondering, Jessi is black and Mallory is white. Just to clarify. I think one of the prerequisites of joining the BSC in any fashion is being able to tell the difference between the two of them and constantly pointing it out as if it matters.
Logan describes himself and Shannon as "irregulars," and the chapter ends with him just arriving at Claudia's. Is this his way of building suspense? Sigh.
Chapter 3
Aaaaand then we have the standard Chapter 3. Glad to see there's no deviation from the regular books just because it's about an irregular character! We have a quick description of foods being grilled in the neighborhood that the starving Logan is drooling over, and I have to admit that I'm totally confused. So, he's at football practice earlier in the day, but he mentions he'll be trying out for track soon, because football is almost over. Football is a fall sport, traditionally. And if football season is almost over with, it's not generally warm enough to do that much grilling. I mean, sure, there are always hardcore people who grill in any weather, but he mentions four different foods presumably coming from four different households--did Stoneybrook suddenly run out of natural gas? Why is everybody grilling all of a sudden? And then, track is traditionally a spring sport--any practices he has occur outside, not inside--and actually wouldn't butt up against football. When track gets started, it's too cold to start grilling outdoors just yet, especially if you stored your grill for the winter. So, um, is it October going on April? I have no idea what the timeframe is supposed to be, and I find it way more interesting than another Chapter 3. Oh, except Logan compares the BSC to a baseball team, so that's different; he says, "Kristy would be the manager and Mary Anne would be the team statistician. Claudia would design the stadium and the uniforms. And Stacey would sign the checks." ...Did you notice that nobody's actually playing? Logan, seriously. You could at least have named an MVP or Cy Young Award winner. The one sport I was into at that age was baseball, and I am sorely disappointed by a lack of actual baseball terms. I mean, at least put Mallory into right field or something.
(For non-baseball people, that's the Ann Hates Mallory position.)
Oh, my Lord. We get to the end of the chapter and STILL no resolution to the problem, except when Logan finally gets into Claudia's room, the place is silent. Except for Mary Anne's crying, naturally.
Chapter 4 (Or, for goodness' sake, what is the problem already?)
Everyone's all staring at the floor or pacing or crying--except for Dawn, whom Logan realizes isn't there. NO DAWN IN THIS BOOK! WOO-HOO! Ahem. Wait. Sorry. No, there wasn't a horrible accident involving tofu, bean sprouts, and Sharon's purse baked into a casserole; Jeff's appendix ruptured and his mom and sister rushed out to California to be with him. Yikes. Well, that sucks. MA says he'll be okay, but his recovery will take a few weeks and they'll be out there the whole time. This seems excessive to me, but it's the Ann version of California, so perhaps she's taking the laid-back vibe WAAAY too seriously--if everything there slows down normally, well, perhaps his recovery will, too! (Anyone out there have their appendix removed and can clarify just how long you're out of commission? Is this legit or Ann, as usual, making things up?)
Logan suddenly realizes they're all staring at him. No, nobody mentioned bras; with Dawn gone for a few weeks, they need someone to replace her. Aha. Logan discovers the real reason he was invited over--they want him to be the alternate officer in her stead. Shannon already turned them down because she's too busy. He thinks, uh, but football, and track tryouts... They assure him he won't have to take all her jobs, but he might have to miss some practices. The Wrath of K. Ron appears: "I think this counts as an emergency, and you are a member of the BSC." Even Sporty Spice won't let athletics get in the way of baby-sitting! Jeez, Logan. Get over yourself! Okay, fine, he'll do it, stop badgering him. By this time it's 5:37--OMG--and Kristy harrumphs the meeting to order. It's a Monday, so Stacey collects dues; Logan reaches for his money, since after all he's a full-fledged member now, but they say he's doing them enough of a favor already. And then it's silent. Because he's a boy and it's totally weird for a 13-year-old boy to be with a bunch of same-age girls in a bedroom without adult supervision, and now that I think about it, yeah, that *is* weird. The tension is cut by this exchange:
Stacey: "Come on, guys! Loosen up a little. Just 'cause there's a guy in here--"
Mary Anne: "He's not a guy! He's Logan!"
Ah. Well, that explains it. And also that "she dresses her age" line from earlier.
Logan goes deep into thought, worried about who all he's letting down by becoming a full-on BSC member--his coach, his teammates, potentially the track team since he won't get any practice time in if he's got sitting jobs. Meanwhile, there is a Great Idea brewing from the Brewer relative: There's going to be a health fair at the shopping center! We should have a booth! Even though nobody has yet figured out exactly how baby-sitting relates to being healthy! They mention that there will probably be a bloodmobile there, and when she finds out that Claudia has Type O blood, Stacey browbeats her into making sure she donates when she's old enough since O is the universal donor. Subtle. Anyway, I doubt that will happen, because by the time she hits 17 I'm pretty sure Claudia's veins will be filled with Pixy Stix and Twizzlers.
The meeting and chapter end with Mrs. Hobart calling; she needs a sitter for a time when every other sitter is busy, so Logan gets it. But he'll have to miss football practice because of it. Never mind that Jessi also isn't sitting; no word on what ballet she's starring in this time where she can't miss that particular class just once. I like to think it's The Rite of Spring. They'll riot if she doesn't show up.
Chapter 5
Logan likes the Hobarts because, like him, they have a funny accent! Ha, ha! He's sitting for little Johnny and Mathew, and they're playing a game involving camping. I'm guessing they have a backyard, yet they're camping in the front yard, because otherwise there'd be no conflict. So they're pretending there's a bear in the woods (timely alert: Mathew thinks the bear would eat Teddy Grahams), and they're running around the yard, and here comes Irv, King, Pete Black, and Jim Poirier, fresh from football practice. Wait--so Logan missed football in order to baby-sit? Are you kidding? Jim is especially a jerk, talking in baby-talk up until they leave. Logan doesn't know what to think--he let down his friends by not telling them where he'd be, but he let the boys down too by not really defending them. This being a BSC member full-time deal is getting off to a great start.
Chapter 6
It's the Friday meeting, the day after the Hobart job, and Mrs. Hobart is calling to request Logan two more times the next week. Phew; they won't interfere with football! Except then he gets a job with the Rodowskys, and it *is* on a practice day, so he'll now miss two football practices in a row. That'll go over well.
Nobody cares about Logan's problems, though--they have a health fair booth to plan! Kristy somehow conned the fair coordinator into letting her have a booth; now for an actual reason for being there! Logan actually comes up with the idea: Promoting safe sitting. It's not entirely health related, but who cares. Kristy just wants more clients. Sweetie, weren't you all just complaining about having SO MANY new clients that you couldn't handle them all? This came up when they were begging Logan to join them, that they were too swamped to be down a sitter even for just a couple weeks. And now you want to add more clients? This sounds like a sustainable business model. MA takes all sorts of notes for the pamphlet they want to hand out--things like not leaving a baby alone in a bathtub, and knowing where the extra keys are when the parents leave--and Mallory says her father "has a new laser printer in his office. Maybe if you write that neatly, he could type it and print it out." Yes, kids, there was a time when having a printer was a big deal. It has LASERS. It SHOOTS THE WORDS AT THE PAPER. Pew pew! This technology is so incredible that Mary Anne can't believe Mr. Pike would just let them use it; Mal says she'll bribe her dad with free sitting jobs. That's...sad.
BAD EDITING ALERT: MA says that if Mr. Pike won't do it, "I'll just print it in my best handwriting and ask my mom or dad to copy it at work."
...Wait. Is this the mother who died when you were a baby, or the stepmother who is in California? Would Sharon fly all the way back just so you could have her take this to a photocopier? Like, doesn't the library have this capability? Or does Richard actually have another wife stashed in the secret passage (that's what *she* said)? God. I don't know where to go with this line.
Kristy brings us back by realizing that, hey, the entire club doesn't need to be at the booth handing out fliers that the mysteriously resurrected Alma Baker Spier put together for them. Good thing, since most of them actually have jobs that day, because GodKristy forbid parents spend time with their children on their days off. Of course, though, Kristy has a plan for that, too--just bring your charges to the fair! Kids love fairs! And despite a health fair sounding way too much like one of those boring assemblies you'd have at school, the sitters honestly think the kids'll go for it, particularly Charlotte, because naturally if her mother loves health, then CharJo must as well. I think zombies would starve in Stoneybrook.
They end the meeting by calling Dawn in California, where they find out that Jeff's not healing that quickly and Dawn will probably be out there longer than anticipated. Kristy's first thought: "She'll miss the fair!" Nobody gives a crap about the damn fair, Kristy. Unfortunately, Logan's thoughts are on a similar wavelength. If Dawn stays gone, he'll get more entrenched in the BSC. But maybe she'll be back in time. Maybe.
Chapter 7
The good news: It's not a Hobart sitting chapter. The bad news: It's still a sitting chapter. The worse news: It's MA sitting for "our angel," Jenny P. Logan describes her as spoiled, though better now that she's a big sister. This chapter isn't worth very much, but I have to include this line. It's not long after Mrs. P has given birth, and she actually asks MA if "I still look like a blimp?" ...Like, I can't even imagine asking my baby-sitter that. Best friend? Perhaps. Sibling, if I had one? Maybe. Thirteen-year-old girl who has never been in close proximity to a pregnant woman? WTH, Mrs. P. Lerangis, have *you* been around a pregnant woman before? Why would she ask that? Then again, MA cares enough to tell Logan that Jenny was wearing Laura Ashley PJs, because he gives a crap, and I wonder if Laura Ashley paid for all these endorsements the BSC gave the company over all these books. It's seriously like they can't go five books without mentioning them, and I can't think of a single person I know at all, much less under the age of 30 at the time, who ever wore Laura Ashley merchandise.
It's sad that this is the most interesting part of the chapter.
It's a nice day, so Mrs. P encourages MA to take the girls outside. Conveniently, Logan is practicing on the school's track, so MA heads the group there. Wow, watching someone run laps! No wonder they think the kids will enjoy the health fair if this is the kind of excitement they're subjected to. Ooh, who wants more random names? Logan is practicing with Alex Turnbull, Bob Stillman, and Peter Hayes. Do we ever see them again? They run, and run, and run and run and run. (Run-run-run, run-run-run...) Naturally, Jenny gets bored and starts running up and down the bleachers, eventually shouting, "I'm king of the world!" I'm laughing hysterically because I'm now imagining that MA is baby-sitting Leo DiCaprio and I have to double-check the copyright date to see when this was written, and yes, this came a good five years before Titanic. Don't worry, there's still the sinking of a ship, if the iceberg is Jenny and the ship is Logan--when Jenny gets bored of running the bleachers, she takes off for the track and ends up in front of the guys. Bob runs into Logan while trying to get away from Jenny; they end up crashing into the other two guys and they all land in the grass. I have to include this line because, out of context, it's kind of disturbing: "[W]hen I got my bearings I realized I was lying flat on my stomach with Bob across my legs. The four of us were panting like crazy..." Yeah, okay, guess I lied about the PJs being the interesting part. What the heck, Lerangis? Did you not realize that we would come back, read this book twenty years down the line, and see the subtext? This is more like BSC: The College Years right here. Oh, Lord, get me out of this chapter. And Logan doesn't help the situation, because he can't believe Jenny would do such a thing, and I'm sitting here going, really? You're a fabulous baby-sitter if you can't realize a four-year-old wants to do stuff the big kids are doing.
Best line: Bob going, "Just can't keep the girls away, huh?"
Chapter 8 (or, and here's that Hobart chapter we were missing)
Logan's with all the Hobarts minus Ben, who is hanging with Mallory. His brothers are debating whether they're boyfriend and girlfriend, and James imparts the wisdom of the ages by saying at age 11, you cease being a friend who's a boy/friend who's a girl and become boyfriend/girlfriend. Dang. In that case, I've really gotten around. Meanwhile, Logan is casually sitting on the kitchen floor stretching himself like it's a totally normal thing. Yeah, dude, it's not, especially after you panting in that last chapter. Like...just, no. And Mathew calls him on it, so Logan explains that he's trying out for track and his legs need to be stretched. The Hobarts decide they want to experience track for themselves, so off they go to the school--Logan's okay with this, because it's a Monday and there's no practice so the coast should be clear--and they run themselves silly for a while. That is, until they fall into a heap just like the big boys...Logan, what are you teaching them? just as Alex, Peter, and a few others show up to practice. Crap. Peter even calls Logan "Lois." Sigh. Logan takes the Hobarts home, and they're all dejected. They ask why the others were mean to Logan, and Logan has to explain that not every guy thinks guys should baby-sit. There's a discussion on how teasing is bad, but everything is forgotten when they arrive home and Mr. Hobart is already there. The boys wish Logan luck with his tryout, and Logan reminds them that he'll see them before that--the health fair is coming up.
Chapter 9
Logan's at his first football practice since he joined the BSC, and his Lois nickname has already made the rounds; the guys constantly crack Logan's-a-girl jokes the whole time. (Name alert: Harry Nolan and Steve Randazzo are other teammates. I tell you, there are a ton of random people in this book.) Pete Black breaks my heart by joining in the razzing; only Austin Bentley comes to Logan's defense, telling King, "Shut your mouth, you orangutan." You get 'im, Austin. Coach Mills notices Logan's not in the best shape and mentions there will be an optional practice on Saturday; maybe he should come. Logan's heart sinks; that's the day of the health fair. All the teasing gets to him, and he's grouchy by the end of practice. MA had watched them, and waited around to walk him home, but he basically blows her off; he's got too much stuff to do now. Kerry and Hunter can tell something's wrong and do their best to cheer him up, which is sweet. Logan realizes he's just got too much on his plate right now, and something has to give--and Mary Anne wouldn't be happy with his decision.
Chapter 10
Ohhh, lordy. It's the day of the health fair, and the sitters finally realized that just because it has the word "fair" in it doesn't mean the kids will actually want to go. Better still, we come to this realization thanks to Jessi, Mallory, and the other seven Pikes. Jordan sums it up well: "School is for learning. Fairs are supposed to be fun." The Pikes stall; the sitters eventually get them to the fair. This chapter is short, but not short enough.
Chapter 11
Next comes Kristy's handwritten intro; her part of the story starts with the Pikes barreling into their table while a couple looks over the BSC's brochure. No word on which of Mary Anne's mothers ended up printing it. Oh, wait, Mr. Pike conned a lackey at his job to do it; I'm guessing this must be one of the free sitting jobs Mal offered in return. Figures. Ooh, any of you remember Slim Goodbody? Stoneybrook's version is Tommy Anatomy. And a bunch of random BSC-related people show up as well, including the Ohdners, who I don't ever think I saw in the flesh, so to speak. Maybe they're the Marshalls after they entered Witness Protection.
Around this time Logan shows up with Mathew and Johnny. He's giving Johnny a piggy-back ride and Mathew is galloping aside them--that is, until he literally runs into someone. Even better, it's King. He's with Irv, Pete Black, and Harry; they've just come from football practice. They're in the middle of trading barbs when Johnny says he has to use the bathroom, and as the guys laugh uncontrollably, Logan tries to salvage his dignity as he walks away. It doesn't happen.
Chapter 12
Logan's not the only one upset--King said they'd had to go potty, and Johnny complains, "I don't go to the potty. Only little boys go to the potty!" Way to go, King. It's one thing to insult your "friend." It's entirely another to insult a little kid. You're such a big man. Also a big man: Johnny. To prove it, that he can use a toilet like a big boy, he asks Logan to go get King to watch. Logan wisely says no. Wow, Logan's using his brain for once. Awesome. But my pride in Logan fades as soon as I flip the page, as the little boys insist they can go to the bathroom by themselves--they're four and six, remember--and Logan, trying to build their pride back up, lets them. He admits this isn't a wise idea, but thinks it'll be okay. Hint: It's not. There ends up being a second door into the bathroom area, and while Mathew is distracted by a candy machine, Johnny disappears. Oh, crap. The two of them run out and start looking around the shopping center; after a fruitless search, Logan's about to call the police on a pay phone. But he stops when he hears MA calling after him.
Chapter 13
An announcement had been made a while earlier asking Johnny Hobart to return to the BSC's booth. He does--with the help of King, of all people. King says he found Johnny at the back entrance to the bathroom area and, since he recognized him, brought him back to the booth. Kristy says something snotty about Johnny not wanting to talk to King, to which Johnny replies, "I don't go potty." You tell him, kid. There's a few more retorts before King leaves, with Kristy getting in the best line. King offers up his services to the club, since he's so good with children, but Kristy goes, "We have a minimum IQ requirement." Zing! She death-glares at Logan for a while, though, and he explains what happened; at the end, he tells them that his being a sitter isn't working out and, effective immediately, he's resigning from the BSC. Even though they're busy, he's busy too.
Chapter 14
It's a week and a half later. He's still getting razzed by the football team, but it's mainly just King and Irv. Track tryouts are that afternoon and they discuss who's going for what over lunch. Over at another table, the BSC is laughing about something; Dawn is back and has a deep tan. Yes, sounds like she was keeping a vigil at Jeff's bedside the whole time she was gone. I didn't realize they could put a hospital room right on the beach. Logan feels a twinge of sadness; things were different between him and the BSC members now. Oh well; his life was out of balance with all that sitting going on. Now, things were swinging back in the other direction.
After school, it's tryout time. Mr. Leavitt, the track coach, watches them as the boys run through the various endeavors. As Logan's about to run the 100-yard dash, he hears familiar accents yelling encouragement toward him from the stands--it's the Hobart boys. No hard feelings there. The cheering gets louder as the race ends; a bunch of BSC-type people are watching. It helped; he beats King across the line. And, of course, he ends up being one of the six guys picked to join the team. King is not one of them. A couple of the other guys, noticing all the girls in the stands, ask about the cute ones. Nice. See, hanging around a bunch of girls isn't entirely a bad thing, gentlemen.
Chapter 15
It's an afternoon at the Bruno house, not unlike the one where Logan got the fateful call. In fact, his parents are making chicken and ribs again. Logan's feeling wistful; he sees that it's 5:26 and suddenly feels like attending that day's BSC meeting. He calls over and Kristy okays it; he's still two minutes late, though. Dawn gives an update on her brother, who is fine except when he laughs. Mrs. Hobart ends up calling, and from Claudia's end of the conversation it seems like they're pretty upset about Logan not sitting any longer. Logan resists saying he can take the job; he has track practice at the time. The girls talk about how much the Hobarts liked Logan, and Mal tells him, "Ben says his brothers are really upset they'll never see you again." Logan replies, "Who says I won't?" When the girls remind him that he quit the club, he asks to be reinstated as an associate member--he couldn't handle being a regular member, but associating was just fine. Plus, he figured out how to keep the football guys off his back--by trying to set them up with the other sitters. This would be why Claudia gets a call from Lew Greenberg.
He leaves the meeting with Mary Anne, who is glad to have him back in the fold. They hear familiar accents from across the street, so naturally Logan has to say hi to his favorite charges. Just then, King and crew happen down the block. Do they live nearby? Are they crushing on Janine? Why are they always coming down Bradford Court? MA warns Logan he could be in for trouble, but Logan can handle it. Besides, all they do is say hello before they turn the corner.
So there you go--the long-awaited book on possibly the most boring person in Stoneybrook. I take back what I said about him having the personality of tofu; it's an insult to tofu. My apologies.