#39 Poor Mallory!
Hello everyone! I trust that your holiday season is all well and good. It's been a little while since I've done a snark, so may I grace your presence with the epic tale of how the nationwide job crunch hits close to home and the Pike brood nearly descended into poverty, also known as Poor Mallory!
Yeeep, everyone, it's a Mallory book. Keep scrolling, go check out another website if you will. Nothing of real interest here.
............Oh, you're still here? You really want to weather this storm? Don't say I didn't warn you.
Anyhoo, the cover has Mallory on a babysitting job, sitting by a pool where three kids are having the TIME OF THEIR LIVES! And Mallory is looking kind of mopey in her tight-rolled mom-jeans and white-and-red striped shirt. She kind of looks like "Where's Waldo?" here. Oh, and she's totally not watching the kids. Baby-sitter of the year!
Chapter One Mallory and Jessi are singing stupid songs that the triplets taught them on the way home from school. Mal invites Jessi over to learn another stupid song, but Jessi has to babysit for Charlotte Johanssen that afternoon. (See? Someone OTHER than Stacey can babysit for Char-Char.) But oh well, here's a club meeting later on at 5:30.
Mallory gets home, and here's what you need to know specifically about Casa de Pike. It's a medium-sized house in an average neighborhood in small-town Stoneybrook. Mallory goes on about how she wishes the house were a little bigger because of all of her siblings. The boys share one bedroom, Mallory and Vanessa share another, Claire and Margo share another, and Mr. and Mrs. Pike have the fourth bedroom. Mallory mentions that her parents room isn't very big. Well.....that's good to know?
Mrs. Pike is home early that day and upstairs, lying down, according to Claire. She's not sick, but Claire says when they came home from picking her up at kindergarten, she got a phone call, kept saying "Oh no, oh no" and said she had a headache and went to lay down. I bet it was the doctor telling Dee, "You're pregnant again!" and Dee was all, "GOD NO, NOT ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED" but didn't exactly want to say that around 5-year-old Claire.
Mallory, being the concerned mini-adult that she is, goes upstairs to check on her mom. She's not sick (or pregnant). But it looks like the firm that Mr. Pike works as a corporate lawyer for isn't doing too well and (in a cost-cutting measure, I'm sure) is laying off half of their employees. And Mr. Pike is concerned because he doesn't have the seniority that most of the top executives have had.
Then the rest of the kids come home, and in the midst of them fixing snacks and...well, being Pike-kids, Mrs. Pike and Mallory break the news to them. Claire's all, "YES! I WANT Daddy to get fired! Then he'll have more time to stay home and play with me!" Oh, to be five-years-old again.
So basically, if Mr. Pike gets fired, that means no more extras for the Pikes for a while. No fun trips to Sea City or wherever. The kids are bummed out. Mallory goes into worry mode. What happens if they outgrow their clothes? And Mallory is the oldest, so she doesn't have the luxury of getting hand-me-downs. It's to the thrift stores for Mallory. No fun trips to Washington Mall or BelAir's for her. She's going to feel even MORE like an ugly duckling now. And what about food? It's hard to make food stretch between ten people. Would they have to go on....*gasp* FOOD STAMPS?! (Mallory, you ninny. Food stamps is one of the BEST THINGS you could go on. Do you realize all of the fun, junky foods you can get on food stamps these days?! You can even get a WEDDING CAKE on food stamps these days, I shit you not!)
Chapter Two Mallory wants to wait till the Baby-Sitters Club meeting to break the emergency news, but decides against it and calls Jessi at the Johanssens to tell her. SHE'S WORRIED, OKAY?!
Aaaaannd here we have the required BSC intro chapter. The only funny thing about this is that while Mallory whines about her braces, she says, "Hey, if Dad loses his job, maybe we won't be able to afford my braces anymore! They'll have to come off! WHEE!"
Oh, might I mention I'm going to keep up a dibble count through this book? Because Mallory the aspiring author thinks it's so cool to use dumb, made-up words. Apparently, Claudia's jewelry is the "height of dibble-dom." And Stacey is the "Queen of Dibbleness." I SHIT YOU NOT, MALLORY SAID THIS. (Oh, and foreshadowing before Stacey's Emergency. Mal mentions Stacey hasn't been feeling too great lately. Hmmmm.)
Dibble-count: 7
Chapter Three Mal shows up at Claudia's. Claud immediately offers her a snack. Mal goes for Mallomars, "the junkiest." She better. BSC meetings may be the only place she'll be able to get FREE junk food for a while if her dad gets fired. BLESS YOU, CLAUDIA.
And here we get the rundown of how the BSC came to be. That's nice.
Club business: Dawn announces that Mrs. Prezzioso's going to have another baby! YES! MORE BABIES = MORE $$ FOR THE BSC! Mary Anne's all, "How come Dawn knew before I did?!" Does she start crying over it? Surprisingly....no.
Then Mrs. Delaney calls needing a sitter for Amanda and Max for 3:30 till 5 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for the next MONTH. Conveniently, they don't run into meeting times, so Kristy--living the closest to the rich-ass Delaneys--takes the job.
Dibble-count: 0
Chapter Four Mal rides home from the meeting, trying to think positive thoughts that her dad isn't getting fired. She gets home, and everyone's sitting in the living room, silent. SHIT. Mr. Pike doesn't want to spend all night discussing it and kind of snaps at Mal about it. (I don't blame him.) Mrs. Pike tries to distract them from the bad news and tells them it's time for dinner. Nicky asks them if it's okay to eat, "Shouldn't we be saving out food for when we really need it?" And Mr. Pike's all, "For pity's sake, we aren't destitute." Someone has to explain to Claire what "destitute" means. Basically, they aren't living in a van down by the river yet.
Dinner is gloomy, and I think it may be the FIRST NEAR SILENT PIKE DINNER EVER! So Mrs. Pike speaks up and tells them that they are a family, and they have to stick together. So she tells the kids that they will have to do what is asked for them and no extras. Meaning, no new clothes unless it's a necessity, no new toys (they have plenty already; if they want new toys, they can just use their imaginations the best they can with a stick and a rope). It also means that the kids aren't allowed to come grocery shopping with them because they'll just throw unnecessary shit in the cart and the parents don't want to hear them complaining about the stuff they'll be buying. Oh, and Mrs. Pike will................BE GOING TO WORK.
The idea of a woman working is unheard of to Adam. Apparently, he doesn't think women-folk can type and use word processors, but Mrs. Pike sure can! She'll just be doing temp work. And on days that Mrs. Pike is working and Mr. Pike has a job interview, they'll be expecting Mallory to babysit her siblings for free. (Oh no, the BSC will temporarily be losing the Pikes as clients!!!) And allowances will have to be suspended for the time being. (AW, MAN!)
Mr. Pike does not look too happy about hearing all of this. Why? His wife's having to make some sacrifices to make sure the bacon's being brought home. And the kids were relatively well behaved when told about cut backs. Mallory doesn't get it. He's probably pissed off because he's going to have to job hunt, and THAT'S a task in itself. Maybe she'll understand this when she gets older.
After dinner, Mallory calls a meeting of the "Pike Club." What?! The Pikes have a club of their own, too?!
Rule #1. Don't talk about Pike Club.
Rule #2. See Rule #1.
Basically, the kids brainstorm with ways they can save money and things they're scared of (like Daddy yelling; at least Mr. Pike isn't hitting the bottle yet). Don't leave the lights on when they don't need to, only use one Kleenex instead of two, etc.) And then Mal calls Jessi with the news. Jessi proclaims it "stale." *sigh*
Dibble-count: 1
Will Mrs. Pike become the sole breadwinner in the Pike household? Will Mallory have to suffer more grief over her dad losing his job? Will the lack of Pike business cripple the BSC? How many more times will "dibble" (or some variation of it) be mentioned in this book? To be continued in the next installment of Poor Mallory!
Yeeep, everyone, it's a Mallory book. Keep scrolling, go check out another website if you will. Nothing of real interest here.
............Oh, you're still here? You really want to weather this storm? Don't say I didn't warn you.
Anyhoo, the cover has Mallory on a babysitting job, sitting by a pool where three kids are having the TIME OF THEIR LIVES! And Mallory is looking kind of mopey in her tight-rolled mom-jeans and white-and-red striped shirt. She kind of looks like "Where's Waldo?" here. Oh, and she's totally not watching the kids. Baby-sitter of the year!
Chapter One Mallory and Jessi are singing stupid songs that the triplets taught them on the way home from school. Mal invites Jessi over to learn another stupid song, but Jessi has to babysit for Charlotte Johanssen that afternoon. (See? Someone OTHER than Stacey can babysit for Char-Char.) But oh well, here's a club meeting later on at 5:30.
Mallory gets home, and here's what you need to know specifically about Casa de Pike. It's a medium-sized house in an average neighborhood in small-town Stoneybrook. Mallory goes on about how she wishes the house were a little bigger because of all of her siblings. The boys share one bedroom, Mallory and Vanessa share another, Claire and Margo share another, and Mr. and Mrs. Pike have the fourth bedroom. Mallory mentions that her parents room isn't very big. Well.....that's good to know?
Mrs. Pike is home early that day and upstairs, lying down, according to Claire. She's not sick, but Claire says when they came home from picking her up at kindergarten, she got a phone call, kept saying "Oh no, oh no" and said she had a headache and went to lay down. I bet it was the doctor telling Dee, "You're pregnant again!" and Dee was all, "GOD NO, NOT ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED" but didn't exactly want to say that around 5-year-old Claire.
Mallory, being the concerned mini-adult that she is, goes upstairs to check on her mom. She's not sick (or pregnant). But it looks like the firm that Mr. Pike works as a corporate lawyer for isn't doing too well and (in a cost-cutting measure, I'm sure) is laying off half of their employees. And Mr. Pike is concerned because he doesn't have the seniority that most of the top executives have had.
Then the rest of the kids come home, and in the midst of them fixing snacks and...well, being Pike-kids, Mrs. Pike and Mallory break the news to them. Claire's all, "YES! I WANT Daddy to get fired! Then he'll have more time to stay home and play with me!" Oh, to be five-years-old again.
So basically, if Mr. Pike gets fired, that means no more extras for the Pikes for a while. No fun trips to Sea City or wherever. The kids are bummed out. Mallory goes into worry mode. What happens if they outgrow their clothes? And Mallory is the oldest, so she doesn't have the luxury of getting hand-me-downs. It's to the thrift stores for Mallory. No fun trips to Washington Mall or BelAir's for her. She's going to feel even MORE like an ugly duckling now. And what about food? It's hard to make food stretch between ten people. Would they have to go on....*gasp* FOOD STAMPS?! (Mallory, you ninny. Food stamps is one of the BEST THINGS you could go on. Do you realize all of the fun, junky foods you can get on food stamps these days?! You can even get a WEDDING CAKE on food stamps these days, I shit you not!)
Chapter Two Mallory wants to wait till the Baby-Sitters Club meeting to break the emergency news, but decides against it and calls Jessi at the Johanssens to tell her. SHE'S WORRIED, OKAY?!
Aaaaannd here we have the required BSC intro chapter. The only funny thing about this is that while Mallory whines about her braces, she says, "Hey, if Dad loses his job, maybe we won't be able to afford my braces anymore! They'll have to come off! WHEE!"
Oh, might I mention I'm going to keep up a dibble count through this book? Because Mallory the aspiring author thinks it's so cool to use dumb, made-up words. Apparently, Claudia's jewelry is the "height of dibble-dom." And Stacey is the "Queen of Dibbleness." I SHIT YOU NOT, MALLORY SAID THIS. (Oh, and foreshadowing before Stacey's Emergency. Mal mentions Stacey hasn't been feeling too great lately. Hmmmm.)
Dibble-count: 7
Chapter Three Mal shows up at Claudia's. Claud immediately offers her a snack. Mal goes for Mallomars, "the junkiest." She better. BSC meetings may be the only place she'll be able to get FREE junk food for a while if her dad gets fired. BLESS YOU, CLAUDIA.
And here we get the rundown of how the BSC came to be. That's nice.
Club business: Dawn announces that Mrs. Prezzioso's going to have another baby! YES! MORE BABIES = MORE $$ FOR THE BSC! Mary Anne's all, "How come Dawn knew before I did?!" Does she start crying over it? Surprisingly....no.
Then Mrs. Delaney calls needing a sitter for Amanda and Max for 3:30 till 5 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for the next MONTH. Conveniently, they don't run into meeting times, so Kristy--living the closest to the rich-ass Delaneys--takes the job.
Dibble-count: 0
Chapter Four Mal rides home from the meeting, trying to think positive thoughts that her dad isn't getting fired. She gets home, and everyone's sitting in the living room, silent. SHIT. Mr. Pike doesn't want to spend all night discussing it and kind of snaps at Mal about it. (I don't blame him.) Mrs. Pike tries to distract them from the bad news and tells them it's time for dinner. Nicky asks them if it's okay to eat, "Shouldn't we be saving out food for when we really need it?" And Mr. Pike's all, "For pity's sake, we aren't destitute." Someone has to explain to Claire what "destitute" means. Basically, they aren't living in a van down by the river yet.
Dinner is gloomy, and I think it may be the FIRST NEAR SILENT PIKE DINNER EVER! So Mrs. Pike speaks up and tells them that they are a family, and they have to stick together. So she tells the kids that they will have to do what is asked for them and no extras. Meaning, no new clothes unless it's a necessity, no new toys (they have plenty already; if they want new toys, they can just use their imaginations the best they can with a stick and a rope). It also means that the kids aren't allowed to come grocery shopping with them because they'll just throw unnecessary shit in the cart and the parents don't want to hear them complaining about the stuff they'll be buying. Oh, and Mrs. Pike will................BE GOING TO WORK.
The idea of a woman working is unheard of to Adam. Apparently, he doesn't think women-folk can type and use word processors, but Mrs. Pike sure can! She'll just be doing temp work. And on days that Mrs. Pike is working and Mr. Pike has a job interview, they'll be expecting Mallory to babysit her siblings for free. (Oh no, the BSC will temporarily be losing the Pikes as clients!!!) And allowances will have to be suspended for the time being. (AW, MAN!)
Mr. Pike does not look too happy about hearing all of this. Why? His wife's having to make some sacrifices to make sure the bacon's being brought home. And the kids were relatively well behaved when told about cut backs. Mallory doesn't get it. He's probably pissed off because he's going to have to job hunt, and THAT'S a task in itself. Maybe she'll understand this when she gets older.
After dinner, Mallory calls a meeting of the "Pike Club." What?! The Pikes have a club of their own, too?!
Rule #1. Don't talk about Pike Club.
Rule #2. See Rule #1.
Basically, the kids brainstorm with ways they can save money and things they're scared of (like Daddy yelling; at least Mr. Pike isn't hitting the bottle yet). Don't leave the lights on when they don't need to, only use one Kleenex instead of two, etc.) And then Mal calls Jessi with the news. Jessi proclaims it "stale." *sigh*
Dibble-count: 1
Will Mrs. Pike become the sole breadwinner in the Pike household? Will Mallory have to suffer more grief over her dad losing his job? Will the lack of Pike business cripple the BSC? How many more times will "dibble" (or some variation of it) be mentioned in this book? To be continued in the next installment of Poor Mallory!