#12 Claudia and the New Girl; Part Two
I had really intended to get this second part out quicker. But friggin' life gets in the way sometimes. So here's part two. Also, I had intended to snark the entire rest of the book. But friggin' life gets in the way sometimes. So it'll be a three-parter.
Here's the link to Part one.
Chapter Seven:
It's lunchtime again. And do you think Claudia is doing the right thing by eating with the BSC? Aw, hell no. She's being all traitorous and eating with Ashley. They are talking about what they'll sculpt for the contest, and after Ashley confuses the crap out of Claudia by saying, "I am an artist and my craft is calling," she announces she's going to sculpt something inanimate. Because Claudia is a dimwit, Ashley then must explain that inanimate means something not alive. And because there is no limit to Claudia's dimwittedness, she immediately thinks of corpses and ghouls. Which, I think Claudia should sculpt a corpse! Or a zombie. Zombie > Fire Hydrant.
(Seriously, the other night on The Walking Dead, I almost threw up when they cut open the walker's stomach to make sure the remains of the little girl weren't in there. gaaaaaag.)
After school, Claudia and Ashley go "out into the field," to get inspiration and spend their time wandering around downtown Stoneybrook exclaiming over inanimate objects like fire hydrants and stoplights and gum wrappers and trash cans. Ashley wants to sculpt the fire hydrant (because it's noble, yo) and she wants Claudia to sculpt the stoplight (because it's powerful, yo.) Then it gets to be late and Claudia calls Dawn to ask her to fill in as VP. Like anyone could trust Dawn to pass out junk food. Dawn is such an unbelievable bitch, she hangs up on Claudia.
Then when Claudia gets home, she finds a terse note from Mary Anne that she is sitting for Nina and Eleanor Marshall. And a note from Kristy under her pillow that everyone in school thinks Ashley is weird, and Claudia should know that. And I'd like to take a minute to remind Kristy that just one book earlier everyone in her neighborhood thought she was weird.
Chapter Eight:
We start this chapter with the most un-fucking-believable club notebook entry. It's not about a babysitting job, it's about how a "certain person" is a traitor and not showing up to club meetings. And making Dawn act as VP (which....besides hand out snacks, what the fuck else does Claudia even do?) and Stacey adds that she can't believe they're being replaced by someone who has the audacity to wear bell bottom blue jeans to school. Bell bottoms! le gasp!
Oh god, you guys this BSC meeting is just out of control! Claudia is missing another one to work with Ashley on the sculpture. Man oh man, are those girls pissed. Mary Anne tells us that Ashley is "so weird. She doesn't talk to anyone but Claudia. I think she's stuck up." Ahem. Much like the girls in the BSC don't talk to anyone else?
Then they give a job for the Papadakises to Kristy, even though Claudia was available. And they mention that Claudia probably wouldn't have wanted it anyway. Then Stacey starts to cry, unsure whether or not Claudia even likes her anymore. And I'm headdesking in a major way, because HOLY SHIT! Every book all these girls go on about what a great arteest Claudia is, and now she's got a major project and they don't want to give her a little fucking space to work on it. They are like the abusive boyfriend who gets jealous of their girlfriend's other friends. It's so completely unhealthy.
Chapter nine:
It's super uncomfortable the next morning when Claudia is talking to Ashley in school and the rest of the club members confront her. Stacey snarks on Ashley's dress (though I'm sure it'd look fabulous on Claudia!) and Kristy says she hopes it's OK with Ashley that Claudia goes to the next meeting. Ashley is taken aback at first, then is like "Claudia is an artist and she needs to spend time on her work," all calmly. Then she lets them know she's Claudia's mentor, which stops them short because none of them know what a mentor is. Also, calling herself Claudia's mentor, when that had never really been discussed, is pretty egotistical of Ashley. Then they argue about whether or not Claudia spends enough time on art. And Claudia has to assure them she's not quitting the club.
If I may take a moment here....I could fix this problem easily. Claudia can sit down with her fucking "friends," and say "This sculpture contest is super important to me. For the next few weeks I will be working with Ashley on my art. Once the contest is over I will have more time to devote to the club and to sitting." DO YOU SEE HOW EASY THAT IS? But then, I guess we wouldn't have the rest of this fabulous book.
At art class the next day, Claudia is still stumped over what to make for the contest and Ashley is going full force with her hydrant, even though the teacher seems underwhelmed by Ashley's desire to do something different. (And here I though an art teacher would embrace the non-conformity.) Claudia is still working on a sculpture of a hand, which is a practice piece. Ashley tells her that she should sculpt a concept, like 'love.' When Claudia asks how she'd do that, Ashley responds, "with gentle curves and tender feelings." See now, Ashley has been spending all this time with Claud, and she still doesn't seem to get that there is no way in hell Claudia is going to understand that.
Chapter Ten
We start with another notebook entry that is about Claudia, not about babysitting. I can't even believe K-Ron allows that shit! This entry is solely written by Stacey, who points out that friends don't break dates with other friends. I'll give her that one, at least. Claudia told Stacey she couldn't go to the mall because she had to work on an English project. But then Ashley asked Claud to come to her house to discuss the all-important sculpture project again, and Claudia blew off the library to go to Ashley's. Then, because Claudia is a fucking moron, when she called Dawn to tell her she was missing the meeting, she told Dawn the real reason.
This chapter is so fucking awkwardly written because it's in the first person (Claudia's) but it's her telling the story based on what her friends had told her after they made up. Including the fact that Dawn made up a poem in her head:
Traitor, Traitor
Claudia - we hate 'er
Traitor, Traitor
So long, see you later
Goodbye Claudia
That poem is about a million degrees of terrible. I'm actually so angry over the fact that bitchface Dawn actually used the word HATE about one of her best friends because that friend made another friend. And at this point, Dawn didn't yet know that Claudia had skipped out on going to the mall with Stacey! And there's nothing traitorous about wanting to hang out with other people! And these bitches can't and shouldn't think they can control Claudia's life! And...and....and....it's just a shitty-ass poem! Gah!
Dawn gets to the meeting and tells them why Claudia won't be there, and Stacey gets so angry her face turns the color of a pomegranate. (And really? How do you know that Claudia? You weren't even there! When you all made up later and your "friends" were telling you about the meetings you traitorously missed, did they really say "and Stacey was so mad, her face was the color of a pomegranate."?)
These bitches decide to get back at Claudia by raiding her junk food, then putting it all away in the wrong places. Even Dawn makes the ultimate sacrifice and eats processed sugar. Because for some reason we should expect Claudia to be mad that her food was eaten? The food that she's taken it upon herself to share with these girls for the last year? Wouldn't she expect them to continue eating her junk food in her absence? Oh, Dawn wolfed down three marshmallows, then made a big deal about having to rinse out her mouth because she didn't want cavities. I'm no dentist, but I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works, Dawn.
Then they short-sheeted Claudia's bed. I've never been entirely clear on what short-sheeting involves, so whatever. Then they leave nasty notes around Claudia's room for her to find. And I'm left wondering why she continues to let them use her room as headquarters. I mean, do they realize she could totally fuck them out of a place to hold meetings?
And then they wonder why Ashley wants to be friends with Claudia and only Claudia? Mary Anne thinks Claudia is sort of a 'project' for Ashley. And no fucking shit. That doesn't excuse their shitty sociopathic behavior toward Claudia. Yes, that is what they are. Four teenage sociopaths.
Until next time......
Here's the link to Part one.
Chapter Seven:
It's lunchtime again. And do you think Claudia is doing the right thing by eating with the BSC? Aw, hell no. She's being all traitorous and eating with Ashley. They are talking about what they'll sculpt for the contest, and after Ashley confuses the crap out of Claudia by saying, "I am an artist and my craft is calling," she announces she's going to sculpt something inanimate. Because Claudia is a dimwit, Ashley then must explain that inanimate means something not alive. And because there is no limit to Claudia's dimwittedness, she immediately thinks of corpses and ghouls. Which, I think Claudia should sculpt a corpse! Or a zombie. Zombie > Fire Hydrant.
(Seriously, the other night on The Walking Dead, I almost threw up when they cut open the walker's stomach to make sure the remains of the little girl weren't in there. gaaaaaag.)
After school, Claudia and Ashley go "out into the field," to get inspiration and spend their time wandering around downtown Stoneybrook exclaiming over inanimate objects like fire hydrants and stoplights and gum wrappers and trash cans. Ashley wants to sculpt the fire hydrant (because it's noble, yo) and she wants Claudia to sculpt the stoplight (because it's powerful, yo.) Then it gets to be late and Claudia calls Dawn to ask her to fill in as VP. Like anyone could trust Dawn to pass out junk food. Dawn is such an unbelievable bitch, she hangs up on Claudia.
Then when Claudia gets home, she finds a terse note from Mary Anne that she is sitting for Nina and Eleanor Marshall. And a note from Kristy under her pillow that everyone in school thinks Ashley is weird, and Claudia should know that. And I'd like to take a minute to remind Kristy that just one book earlier everyone in her neighborhood thought she was weird.
Chapter Eight:
We start this chapter with the most un-fucking-believable club notebook entry. It's not about a babysitting job, it's about how a "certain person" is a traitor and not showing up to club meetings. And making Dawn act as VP (which....besides hand out snacks, what the fuck else does Claudia even do?) and Stacey adds that she can't believe they're being replaced by someone who has the audacity to wear bell bottom blue jeans to school. Bell bottoms! le gasp!
Oh god, you guys this BSC meeting is just out of control! Claudia is missing another one to work with Ashley on the sculpture. Man oh man, are those girls pissed. Mary Anne tells us that Ashley is "so weird. She doesn't talk to anyone but Claudia. I think she's stuck up." Ahem. Much like the girls in the BSC don't talk to anyone else?
Then they give a job for the Papadakises to Kristy, even though Claudia was available. And they mention that Claudia probably wouldn't have wanted it anyway. Then Stacey starts to cry, unsure whether or not Claudia even likes her anymore. And I'm headdesking in a major way, because HOLY SHIT! Every book all these girls go on about what a great arteest Claudia is, and now she's got a major project and they don't want to give her a little fucking space to work on it. They are like the abusive boyfriend who gets jealous of their girlfriend's other friends. It's so completely unhealthy.
Chapter nine:
It's super uncomfortable the next morning when Claudia is talking to Ashley in school and the rest of the club members confront her. Stacey snarks on Ashley's dress (though I'm sure it'd look fabulous on Claudia!) and Kristy says she hopes it's OK with Ashley that Claudia goes to the next meeting. Ashley is taken aback at first, then is like "Claudia is an artist and she needs to spend time on her work," all calmly. Then she lets them know she's Claudia's mentor, which stops them short because none of them know what a mentor is. Also, calling herself Claudia's mentor, when that had never really been discussed, is pretty egotistical of Ashley. Then they argue about whether or not Claudia spends enough time on art. And Claudia has to assure them she's not quitting the club.
If I may take a moment here....I could fix this problem easily. Claudia can sit down with her fucking "friends," and say "This sculpture contest is super important to me. For the next few weeks I will be working with Ashley on my art. Once the contest is over I will have more time to devote to the club and to sitting." DO YOU SEE HOW EASY THAT IS? But then, I guess we wouldn't have the rest of this fabulous book.
At art class the next day, Claudia is still stumped over what to make for the contest and Ashley is going full force with her hydrant, even though the teacher seems underwhelmed by Ashley's desire to do something different. (And here I though an art teacher would embrace the non-conformity.) Claudia is still working on a sculpture of a hand, which is a practice piece. Ashley tells her that she should sculpt a concept, like 'love.' When Claudia asks how she'd do that, Ashley responds, "with gentle curves and tender feelings." See now, Ashley has been spending all this time with Claud, and she still doesn't seem to get that there is no way in hell Claudia is going to understand that.
Chapter Ten
We start with another notebook entry that is about Claudia, not about babysitting. I can't even believe K-Ron allows that shit! This entry is solely written by Stacey, who points out that friends don't break dates with other friends. I'll give her that one, at least. Claudia told Stacey she couldn't go to the mall because she had to work on an English project. But then Ashley asked Claud to come to her house to discuss the all-important sculpture project again, and Claudia blew off the library to go to Ashley's. Then, because Claudia is a fucking moron, when she called Dawn to tell her she was missing the meeting, she told Dawn the real reason.
This chapter is so fucking awkwardly written because it's in the first person (Claudia's) but it's her telling the story based on what her friends had told her after they made up. Including the fact that Dawn made up a poem in her head:
Traitor, Traitor
Claudia - we hate 'er
Traitor, Traitor
So long, see you later
Goodbye Claudia
That poem is about a million degrees of terrible. I'm actually so angry over the fact that bitchface Dawn actually used the word HATE about one of her best friends because that friend made another friend. And at this point, Dawn didn't yet know that Claudia had skipped out on going to the mall with Stacey! And there's nothing traitorous about wanting to hang out with other people! And these bitches can't and shouldn't think they can control Claudia's life! And...and....and....it's just a shitty-ass poem! Gah!
Dawn gets to the meeting and tells them why Claudia won't be there, and Stacey gets so angry her face turns the color of a pomegranate. (And really? How do you know that Claudia? You weren't even there! When you all made up later and your "friends" were telling you about the meetings you traitorously missed, did they really say "and Stacey was so mad, her face was the color of a pomegranate."?)
These bitches decide to get back at Claudia by raiding her junk food, then putting it all away in the wrong places. Even Dawn makes the ultimate sacrifice and eats processed sugar. Because for some reason we should expect Claudia to be mad that her food was eaten? The food that she's taken it upon herself to share with these girls for the last year? Wouldn't she expect them to continue eating her junk food in her absence? Oh, Dawn wolfed down three marshmallows, then made a big deal about having to rinse out her mouth because she didn't want cavities. I'm no dentist, but I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works, Dawn.
Then they short-sheeted Claudia's bed. I've never been entirely clear on what short-sheeting involves, so whatever. Then they leave nasty notes around Claudia's room for her to find. And I'm left wondering why she continues to let them use her room as headquarters. I mean, do they realize she could totally fuck them out of a place to hold meetings?
And then they wonder why Ashley wants to be friends with Claudia and only Claudia? Mary Anne thinks Claudia is sort of a 'project' for Ashley. And no fucking shit. That doesn't excuse their shitty sociopathic behavior toward Claudia. Yes, that is what they are. Four teenage sociopaths.
Until next time......